The Secret Life of Natasha Romanoff
by BloodyNib
Summary: A series of oneshots dealing with Natasha's life before Ironman 2, after Captain America: Civil War and anything in between or outside of the Marvel timeline. There will be fluff, friendship and angst, Romanogers, Brutasha, no pairing at all and hopefully everything else you can imagine. Prompts, requests and ideas are more than welcome!
1. Security Blanket (067)

A/N As promised, here the first oneshot of the series. Yes, yes, I know, I should be writing my thesis, but what do you think is more fun?

Only a little explanation before I let you read the first shot. I dug up a list containing 120 titles for oneshots (it was a challenge on a German fanfiction site ages ago) and bit by bit I will (hopefully) put a text to every title. Suggestions and ideas are more than welcome. I already have some ideas for some titles but at the moment nearly enough. So if you want to read something and it fits a title and I think I can do it justice, you will probably see it here. Just PM me, alright?

Okay, but that's it, promise. Have fun reading the first oneshot and let me know what you think of it.

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own anything of it. Sadly.

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Title: Security Blanket (Prompt #67)

Characters: Natasha Romanoff

Word count: ~ 1080

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The silver light of the nearly full moon found its way through the curtains and illuminated the farmhouse's kitchen in the middle of nowhere. The plates of the dinner earlier this evening still dried beside the sink, reflecting the moon's kiss. The quiet hum of the refrigerator was only interrupted by the oft clink of a mug placed on the counter. Usually, at this time of the night nobody should be in the kitchen anymore but in their beds. Well, there was nothing usual about the woman standing at the counter, her hands placed around the ceramic of the mug as if to warm them. Her red hair was bound in a loose bun at her neck, single strands had found their way out of it and framed her face. Her lean figure was clad in loose shorts and a simple top, her feet were bare on the wooden floor. Fatigue was shown in her green eyes as well as the horror she felt when thinking of sleep.

It wasn't the first night Natasha had been awaken by a nightmare. Nightmares were a part of her life since her childhood in the Red Room, but there were better nights than others. This one was a very bad one. The fight against Ultron was only a few months old and she and Steve had beaten the new Avengers into something that could be called a team. Benevolently speaking. With one eye squeezed shut and the other blind. From very far away. Still, they were good enough to hand it over to Steve alone for a few days so she could spend some time with her best friend and his family. Now that Nathaniel had been born, Clint had decided to retire and although she really was happy for him she also missed him in the HQ. Their apartments had been close enough for her to climb out of her window to his when she had had a nightmare and needed someone to ground her in the present. Natasha had hoped that a few days at the farm would help her but until now there had been no improvement. Now her hopes laid with this cup of tea to calm her nerves enough so she could get one or two hours more of sleep.

The sound of staggering steps let her look up. Lila stood in the doorframe, one corner her security blanket tight in one little fist. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night, sweetie?, Natasha asked softly. When being at the farmhouse she seldom was Black Widow but rather Auntie Nat. Never would she have thought that she also had a soft side, but Clint's children had found it with ease. And if she was honest, she enjoyed being Auntie Nat.

"I had a bad dream," Lila answered in a voice so quiet, Natasha had to strain her eyes to be able to hear her. "I thought mommy would still be up. You had a bad dream, too?"

Natasha nodded and extended her arm to signify the little girl to come closer.

Lila obliged and let herself be lifted by Natasha. "You have bad dreams often?"

"Very often," Natasha admitted, nuzzling the girl's soft hair. "You too?"

Lila shook her head. "No. But when I do, those are really bad dreams."

"What did you dream about? You wanna tell me?"

The little girl was quiet for so long that Natasha thought she wouldn't get an answer anymore. Then Lila lowered her head and used her free hand to play with Natasha's hair. "I dreamed dad and you would be gone again. But this time dad wouldn't come back." She looked at the spy-assassin with tears in her eyes. "You didn't protect daddy."

Natasha gulped but forced herself to remain calm. She really hoped this day would never come. She didn't want to be the one to tell Clint's family that they would have to do without him. "Look, sweetie, I will always look out for your dad. But he won't go on any missions anymore. You know why? Because he loves you and your brothers and your mom so much, that he doesn't ever wants to lose you. He will stay here, with you."

"Then who looks out for you? I thought daddy was your partner." Lila scrunched her nose while mulling this over.

"He is but there are other guys to look out for me. You remember Steve and Tony? If I need help, I could ask those two. That's why we are a team, we help each other," Natasha explained softly.

"Hm." Lila cocked her head. "What about Dr. Banner? Mommy said, you like him very much and he likes you a lot, too."

"Well, that's… complicated." Natasha felt her heart constricting. Still no leads on to where Bruce could be found although Fury dug up every pair of ears and eyes he had around the world. "Bruce is on vacation right now, but he will come back." Eventually. Natasha really wanted to avoid talking with a kid about her non-existing love-life. "Why don't the both of us get back to bed? You will be tired tomorrow if you stay up this long."

"What about my bad dreams?" Lila asked scared. "I don't want them to come back."

"They won't," Natasha promised softly, pouring the rest of her tea away and going towards the staircase. "You can sleep in my bed if you want. And as long as you have your blanket, none of us will have bad dreams. It's a magic blanket, didn't you know? It will protect you during the night."

"But why didn't it protect me earlier?"

"Because you didn't activate the magic," Natasha explained as a matter of fact. "You have to think of something really, really beautiful before going to sleep. Can you do this?"

"I think so."

Natasha opened the door to her bedroom and placed the girl on her bed and tucking her in before crawling under the blanket herself and holding Lila in her arms. "And now," she whispered, "now you close your eyes and think of something good, no matter what."

"Okay," Lila whispered back and squeezed her eyes shut. "Good night, Auntie Nat."

"Good night, sweetie." She felt the warmth Lila's body radiated and listened to the sound of her breathing. Not before she was sure the girl slept soundly she allowed herself to drift into sleep.

Lila didn't wake during the night due to a nightmare and neither did Natasha.


	2. Broken Pieces (076)

A/N Soo, I'm back sooner than I thought. Mostly because this is so much easier to write than a thesis for university. Did I mention I only have one week left? Anyways, after the soft, cotten cansy like fluff of the first oneshot, here is something fpor the Brutasha-fans out there. I hope you like it and if so, please let me know. Reviews really make my day, you know?

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Title: Broken Pieces (Prompt #76)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce (Pairing)

Word count: ~ 1040

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Since Natasha made the decision to follow Clint and join S.H.I.E.L.D. all those years ago, she knew she had been broken for a long time. Although she had tried so hard and had given her best to pick up the pieces and put them back together again, she was quite sure that it hadn't worked out. She still woke in the middle of the night, thinking she still was in the Red Room and only waited for her instructors to pull her out of her room for another lesson. She still sometimes felt the scars that reminded her of her graduation ceremony. And she couldn't stop analysing people to make sure whether she could get in danger the next moment or whether she was safe with them.

Natasha had a hard time trusting people. Clint, Fury and (until his death) Coulson were the one closest to her and one by one she started letting the other Avengers in; some more, some less. She did keep Bruce at arm's length when she first met him to coax him into helping them finding the Tesseract. Why should she trust someone who couldn't trust himself? That was just laughable and against everything she had learned since childhood.

But then they had worked closer together after Loki had been handed over to Thor and Bruce had joined them in the Avenger's headquarters, formerly Stark's tower. At first she barely noticed him. She ran only seldom across him in the gym and she avoided Stark's lab except for testing new gear. It was by accident that she discovered Bruce trying to find some sort of controlling instance for when he hulked out to get back to his more human self. It wasn't that she didn't like him, quite contrary. Natasha admired that he was such a pacific guy who wanted to stay clear of every fight. She liked his calm, quiet side and the comforting effect it had on her when they just took their coffees together in the morning and talked. He was like the ointment one put on burns to lessen the pain and support healing. But not only his calm sides she learnt to appreciate. Hulk was as much a part of him as the Red Room was a part of her. Although the Other Guy was intimidating when in rage and she had witnessed him up close, she wasn't afraid of him. Or at least not as much as she might should be.

So when Bruce asked her while patching her up after a training fight against Sam and Wanda to try out some things to help him put the Hulk back in a corner of his head, she willingly agreed. It took them a long way of trials and error to discover the Hulk reacted especially sensible to touches and to develop their lullaby as Stark had dubbed it, but along that way they learnt to know each other better. By now Natasha not only looked at Bruce as her confidant but also as someone she could really love and with whom she could put the pieces together. And apparently Bruce shared this opinion.

Natasha knew she wasn't easy to deal with and she appreciated Bruce for giving his best. Neither did he push her too far nor did he try to put his nose into a part of her past where it didn't belong. He was understanding and in return Natasha gave him bits and pieces of stories she felt able to share. After one nightmare consisting mainly of not being worth being an Avenger, of turning her back against her friends because it was easier to burn a bridge that was already on fire than to try and quench the flames, she told him how Clint had been sent out to kill her but instead spared her life and brought her to S.H.I.E.L.D.

"You had a hard upbringing and you did a lot of things, that I don't want to deny. But wasn't joining S.H.I.E.L.D. your first step towards another life?" he asked her in a manner that didn't request an answer. "You cannot change your past, no one can, but your future belongs entirely to you. I don't think anyone of the others wouldn't trust you with their life."

"You're too optimistic for this time of the night, Banner," she teased him half-heartedly although it felt good being told that at least someone relied on her.

Bruce tightened his embrace slightly, only so far as to not let her feel threatened. "How can I not be optimistic? Most people don't want to spend more time close to me than strictly necessary. And here I lie beside the most beautiful woman and she doesn't push me back. Well, physically. Right now. And the Other Guy seems to like her, too." Natasha rather sensed his smile than she could see it.

"Well, if this isn't a compliment, then what is?" Natasha stayed silent for a while, allowing Bruce to plant soft kisses on her neck. "I'm broken," she finally whisperd, her body tensed like a bowstring.

Bruce paused for a moment, then he continued his soothing ministrations. "Me too," he answered eventually. "But just because something is broken, you don't throw it away, do you? You try to fix it, to put the pieces back to their right place. And although it will never be the same as before it was broken, it's still something special. Maybe even something useful."

"I don't know if I was ever not broken. The Red Room took me in when I was just a child, so…" Her voice trailed off.

"Look, Natasha," Bruce said seriously. "I don't know what they did to you and I won't ask; you can tell me, whenever you want, I will listen. But my point is, that although they might have changed you, they could not destroy you. You're still you; sometimes hidden deep behind your Black Widow face and sometimes, just as now, you let someone see it. Trust me, I know what being broken feels like."

"Thanks." Natasha turned around and gave him a soft kiss. "Maybe if you don't tell Stark about our talk during one of your science bro sessions we could help each other picking up the pieces. I think I have duct tape lying around here somewhere."

"Sounds like a plan."


	3. Insanity (012)

A/N Here is another piece of Nat's life for you, set waayyy before "Ironman 2". I hope you enjoy ;)

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Title: Insanity (Prompt #12)

Characters: Natasha, Clint (Friendship), feat. Laura

Word count: ~ 1430

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„To where are you bringing me?" Natalia demanded to know, arms crossed in front of her chest while she sat on the passenger seat of a small jet that barely had enough room to stand upright. "Is your HQ that much in the middle of nowhere? If I had known what I gotten myself into-"

"You wanted to run, I helped you to," Clint cut her off. "I won't take you to HQ, not yet. I have to make some calls first."

"So your boss doesn't know that you didn't kill your target but rather bring it along? You know, the KGB would murder you in return." A smug smile showed itself on her lips and she stretched her arms.

"What're you doing?" Clint glanced at her suspiciously and outstretched one hand to hold her left hand.

Natalia sighed. "Relax, Falconman, I'm not gonna kill you if you don't kill me."

"It's Hawkeye, not Falconman," Clint corrected miffed. "And I could still kill you if you're acting like the moody teenager you probably still are."

"Not a teenager anymore, thank you very much." Natalia observed the landscape that was rushing below them. Not many cities, more fields and forests. To where in the hell was he bringing her? Or was all that talk of her skillset being useful to his agency just nonsense and he still wanted to kill her? It wasn't like she wanted to trust Barton; she rather had to when she wanted to survive. And to survive had been imprinted in her brain since childhood. Even so the fact that one shouldn't ask too much questions but Natalia ignored the last bit. "Where are we flying to?" she asked again after some time of strained silence.

Clint gave her a quick look. "To a safehouse. There you can stay until I talked to Fury. It might be a long call, now that I think about it."

"Why did you do this?" Natalia blurted out. Although her expression remained calm and unimpressed, she felt the urgent need to pace around. Impossible on board of this jet. "You owe me nothing and you're just about to test how much you're boss really needs you so that what? That I can leave Russia? That your agency can recruit another assassin to do their dirty work? Don't think I wouldn't know what for your agency would need me."

"Okay, let's get some things straight, shall we?" Clint jammed in the brake so resolutely that Natalia was pushed into her safety belts. "No, I owe you nothing at all. All I know from you is what we have in the file with your name on it and what I could gather from observing you during the last days. S.H.I.E.L.D. hasn't exactly a shortage of agents but your skillset is exceptional and you said you wanted to do some good for a change. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s not the KGB; we want to avoid chaos and protect people. If you think you can do this, fine, shut up until we're there. If not, I can throw you out of this bird right now without a parachute and solve both our problems, alright?"

"But what made you pull your punches in the first place?" Natalia had never been known for one to let a topic go easily.

Clint chuckled without humour. "Pull my punches? Are you serious?" He sighed and finally activated the boost again. "I don't know, alright? I just recently discovered fatherly feelings and you kinda seemed in need of them though you sure had a fair chance killing me. No offense."

His answer surprised Natalia. She could have thought of a thousand different explanations, but this… Maybe she could let her guard down. At least for a while. She hadn't had a decent sleep in a week. And before she knew it, she had dosed off.

 **~#~#~**

"Wake up, little spider." Clint's voice was soft while he gently shook her. Natalia was awake within the second and he lifted his hands as to show her he wasn't a danger. "By the way, how shall I call you? Black Widow? Widow? Redhead? The choice is yours."

Natalia contemplated his question for a moment before looking him straight in the eyes. "Natalia. My name is Natalia."

"Natalia, huh? Maybe you'd need a cover when working for S.H.I.E.L.D. Something more English-sounding, you know? What do you think of Natasha?"

"Why not? Didn't bear this name before." Natalia followed him out of the jet that he had landed in front of a farmhouse. The roof of a barn was barely visible and a porch ran around the farmhouse with a rocking chair standing in one corner.

Clint led her towards the door and opened it; it hadn't been locked. "Honey?" he called inwards. "I'm back."

A brunette woman with a baby that was only a few months old on her arm appeared and greeted him with a kiss. Only then she noticed Natalia. "Clint?"

"Er, yes, sorry. Laura, this is Natasha. Natasha, meet Laura, my wife, and Cooper, my son."

Laura grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. "You bring your mission home? What were you thinking, Clint? You have a little child, it's not just a thing between you and me anymore."

Natalia was barely listening. Her gaze was held by the little boy who looked at her with his head slightly cocked and the corner of a wing of his cuddly hawk in his mouth. He looked at her with curiosity, no sign of fear or terror. Somehow this irritated Natalia more than Clint's words earlier.

Clint and Laura seemed to have ended their dispute for now; Natalia felt almost sorry for the husband. "Follow me upstairs, you can stay in the guestroom until Clint can bring you to Fury," Laura ordered and Natalia followed silently. "Here. Sheets and linen are in the small cabinet there and I can get you some clean clothing if you want to shower. Just give me a minute."

Natalia nodded and had barely time to open her mouth to thank Laura for being able to stay (she doubted that the jet was that comfortable for spending the night in), but the other woman had already turned around. The spy entered the little, comforting looking room and opened the cabinet to take out the bedding. The steps of Laura warned her of her coming back.

"I don't want to make any problems. I never asked Barton to-"

"I know." Laura smiled at her wearily while handing her some clothes and towels. "That's just Clint. If he was here more often, he'll probably bring in all kinds of hurt animals. He's just not able walking by someone needing help. And if he'd think you'd be a danger he wouldn't have brought you here, so… If you need something, tell me. Just not in the middle of the night, Cooper already does that."

The little boy babbled as if he knew exactly he was meant, playing with his stuffed animal and shaking it until it fell to the floor.

Natalia picked it up and gave it back to him before he could start to cry. "Here, Cooper. You should hold it tight, you know?"

Cooper looked at her and took the hawk from her hands. He eyed it for a moment, then handed it to Natalia. Not knowing how she should react, she looked to Laura. The mother simply shrugged. "He seems to like you well enough. Normally he doesn't like it if someone else got his toy." She seemed to mull something over in her head. "You want to hold him for a moment?"

Natalia responded to this quite simple question with a startled look. She wasn't often surprised. "I don't know how," she finally managed to get out. _Insane_ , she thought dumbfounded. _This whole family is just insane. Who in the hell offers an assassin to hold a baby?_

"Just like this. Only watch his neck," Laura said while placing the baby carefully into Natalia's hands before stepping back a little.

Natalia just stood there and didn't move to not startle the baby. Cooper seemed relaxed with the strange woman, reaching with one hand for her red hair; something he hadn't seen before. "Hey, little boy. You're a curious one, aren't you?" she whispered and for the fraction of a second a genuine smile played her lips. Somehow she knew that if S.H.I.E.L.D. would be able to pry her lose from the KGB's grip, she would do everything to repay Clint. Starting with protecting the little bundle in her arms.

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 _What do you think? Too cheesy? Quite alright? Laura just doesn't seem the type for throwing a girl out of her house, even if she's a Russian spy-slash-assassin..._


	4. Black and Blue (040)

**A/N Thank you for your kind responses. I'm really glad that you like this collection and as long you have as much fun reading it as I have writing it, then all is well, right?**

 **This bit is set after Age of Ultron with some Romanogers-friendship. Have fun!**

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Title: Black and Blue (Prompt #40)

Characters: Natasha, Steve (Frendship, possible love interest)

Word count: ~ 1670

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The sky was a velvet black, dotted with blinking diamonds that beckoned the romantics and dreamers and couples out to cast their gaze up high, sitting on a picnic blanket and holding hands. The moon was barely visible, only a slim scythe between the stars, almost like a door to another world that was barely ajar. The air was still warm from the rather hot summer day but every now and then a breeze would bring some freshness, carrying the smell of grass and meadow flowers and trees.

Natasha had chosen her favourite place on the even roof of their new Avenger's headquarters, bare feet dangling over the edge. Black top and shorts, the clothes she usually slept in, clung to her figure under an oversized sweatshirt jacket she had borrowed (or rather, stolen) from Clint. She was neither of the above. As far as she knew she had no romantic side to her and she had given up dreaming a long time ago. As for being a part of a couple… well, Banner had put an end to that, hadn't he? She knew she needed her sleep; the new Avengers they took in after what had happened in Sokovia still had to be punched, kicked and yelled into shape. A job she was glad to have, otherwise she would have had too much time to think. With S.H.I.E.L.D. gone and Fury still officially faking his death, there weren't as much missions around as there used to be. She missed her obligatory banters with Clint, although they often talked over the phone. Sometimes he would even hold the phone to Nathaniel, although the little guy could barely say _mama_. Still, it was kind of nice talking with her godson.

And then there was the thing with Bruce. Natasha was pissed enough at him for calling him Banner when the conversation asked for his name but she never touched on the subject of him just leaving everyone behind herself. That didn't mean that she didn't ask herself why he left. What had gone wrong along the way? Was it because of her? Because she had thrown him in the well to bring out the Other Guy? As if he hadn't made any mistakes! And they had really needed the Hulk to destroy Ultron. How could he even have asked her to just go away and leave their friends to their fate? Exactly those friends who had been the only family she ever knew? Was it because she just had to much red in her ledger to ever be able to wipe it out? Because he couldn't handle her past, who she really was, no matter how hard she tried to be good?

And still, after weeks and weeks of looking for him, of scanning the news for anything that could include a hint to the Hulk, of waiting for a goddamn postcard, there was no lead. Nothing at all. No one had seen him, no one had heard of him. And Bruce didn't seem to want her to find him. Although Natasha would have had a few choice things to say to him.

Natasha sighed and leant back on her arms, eyes closed when another breeze caressed her skin. When she heard the slight creek of the door that led to the roof, her eyes snapped open again and she was on her feet and turned around quickly as a snake. One second later her muscles relaxed. "You shouldn't scare an assassin, Rogers," she chided with a sigh and took her former place on the edge of the roof. "You could find yourself with a bullet in your head."

"As far as I see you don't have a weapon with you," Steve quipped and stepped beside her. "I saw the door was ajar and thought Wanda was up here again."

"That doesn't mean I couldn't kill you," Natasha answered without looking up. "She wasn't awake at night for a few weeks now. Seems like her nightmares have ceded. Was about time, she wasn't to be used for anything during the first training session because she was so tired."

"Her brother died," Steve reminded her quietly. "It's only understanding that she needed time."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging her for mourning her brother. It's just that they need all the training they can get. We don't know when the next Loki or Ultron will knock on our front door." She patted the stone beside her for Steve to sit down. Only now she had time to look at him further. He wore pyjama pants and a blue Captain America T-shirt Tony had given him for his last birthday, showing a comic-Cap standing on his shield. His blond hair was in disarray as from sleep and his eyes also betrayed his tiredness. Seemed like Wanda wasn't the only one dealing with nightmares.

He followed her peace offer and took a seat, dangling his feet like Natasha over the edge. "I know. I just cannot force her to train when she's clearly not in the shape for it."

Natasha smiled crookedly at him. "That's what I'm here for, right? Playing the bad cop."

It was quiet between the two of them for a while, both enjoying the slight breeze that cooled them down a little bit. "What are you doing up here?" Steve finally asked and eyed her more closely.

Natasha sighed silently. She appreciated Steve as her friend but she really didn't need the Captain right now who tried to keep his team in a good mood. "I can do with a few hours less, Rogers. No need to worry."

"Is this because of Banner?" His voice was even quieter than before, just as if he feared her reaction to his question. "It would be normal if you'd miss him. Even human. You don't have to be ashamed of your feelings." Her silence seemed to encourage him, but the words tumbled fast from his lips as if he'd like to bring the whole thing behind him and end it before she could punch him. "Whether you're angry or sad or… whatever, that's alright. You just shouldn't bottle those things up. That's not-"

"Okay, you wanna hear me talking about Banner?" Natasha's usually calm and cool demeanour was as suddenly gone as if she had taken off a mask. "I'm angry at him. I could punch him until he's rather black and blue instead of green. For not letting himself to be found. For not sending a note that he's alright. For leaving the team behind without warning whatsoever."

"For leaving you behind?"

Since it was night and no one else was on the roof and she was _tired_ of pretending, Natasha snorted. "Yes, also for leaving me behind. I knew he wanted to go, to not be a danger to anyone, and I offered to go with him. Someplace he felt safe. Someplace where we could be… just us. And when I offered him, he sounded like he would like to have me around. But then he just stole this goddamn bird and vanished and left the rest of us to pick up the pieces. So excuse me if I'm in the mood to kick his ass."

"Language," Steve reminded her absent-mindedly. "You were planning on leaving the team?"

"Not out of the blue." Natasha rolled her eyes. "We would have warned you guys. Rather, I would have warned you in time." She pulled her bent legs closer to her chest and laid her arms atop of her knees. "I thought… We both are damaged goods, you know? I thought we could be there for each other." She shrugged, feigning indifference. "Well, maybe it's better this way. Black widows tend to eat the male; who knows what would have happened to him. Seems like I'm better off like this, too. No one to be more worried about than I would normally be. Makes the missions easier."

Steve scooted a little bit closer and, after some silently debating with himself, laid one arm around her shoulder. "I tried to help. After you spend so much time to set me up with girls, that was the least I could do. Told Banner not to wait too long and that you both deserved some happiness."

Natasha looked up at him in astonishment. "That did you say to him? Really? I always wondered what it was you two had talked about. He was a little inquiring afterwards."

Steve grinned as if in remembrance of a private joke but said nothing. It only kindled her curiosity more, but Natasha could be patient. She would find out eventually. With or without the help of torture. "But speaking of the girls, you did what I asked you to do? Called Sharon?"

The usually confident captain squirmed a little beside her. "Not yet. I thought it was more a suggestion than an order, you know? There had been so much going on the last months… I'll call her soon, promise."

"Good. Otherwise I'll call her and you don't want me to do that." Eastwards the sky was already tinged a dark blue and the stars seemed to blink less brightly. It wouldn't be long until the sun came up. "Since neither you nor me will get some sleep until the alarm goes off, how about I get us a coffee and then we shoo the greenhorns out of the beds? Today's villains don't wait until after breakfast before carry out their masterplans." Natasha winked at him and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. "And thanks for being there. I didn't want to keep you up."

"Don't mention it." Steve released Natasha out of his half-embrace and stood up. "But let me get the coffee. You make it so strong that even I'm about to get a heart attack despite the serum."

Natasha hummed in agreement and directed her gaze back over the meadows and forests, enjoying the peace for another five minutes. Another day. Maybe finally with a message from Bruce.

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 **Okay, I kind of see a pattern with all the previous stories taking place at night. The next one won't, I promise ;)**


	5. Anomaly (021)

**A/N: Sooo, since my thesis is done, I finally have time again to write what I really like. So here is a new oneshot dealing with Natasha's graduation day so to say. I also updated the previous chapters with some information about which characters are in it and a roughly word count.**

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Title: Anomaly (Prompt #21)

Characters: Natasha, Madame B.

Word count: ~ 1690

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Her red hair was pulled together in a tight bun without a single hair out of place. Her clothes were the ones she would usually wear for training and she kept a straight posture. No emotion was seen on her face.

Natalia knew how important the next hour was for her. If she made no mistake, she would finally graduate the Red Room as the youngest since Dorothy Underwood. There had been a time, when she desperately wanted this. Be outstandingly able, fast and deadly, so deadly in fact that there was nearly no danger to her in this world. Being the youngest one to graduate since ages. Graduate with the highest mark possible. The only fear which had sneaked up on her the last weeks concerned the graduation ceremony. Natalia didn't know if she ever wanted to have children. Right now, all that was important was her training and after that her missions. But what if she someday met someone? When she wasn't able anymore to work? Well, she then would be probably too old to have kids anymore, but still. She didn't like it when an important choice was taken away from her.

"Natalia!" Madame B.'s voice snapped her out of her thought. "You are supposed to show our recruits how to dance Odile. Focus!"

Natalia slightly tilts her head and starts. Her feet remember the steps without her having to think about it, so her mind returns back. If she wouldn't succeed in her test, if she would fail them… What would happen to her? Would they let her go? Just like that? Natalia didn't want to believe it but what else should they do? Kill her? That didn't seem as frightened as it once did. Her wrist still showed the signs of the time when she had been shackled to her bed for three days just because she had refused to hurt one of the other girls. Natalia had been six years old by that time. Arina's face appeared unasked in her mind, her big brown eyes full of fear. Natalia expulsed the memory and shook her head almost unnoticed, which caused her to slightly misstep.

Madame B. noticed it instantly and her whip crashed down at Natalia's ankles. "Again."

The redhead kept a straight face and started again. It was no good to dwell on the past. She finished the dance and left the room, once her instructor allowed it. Madame B. followed her into the corridor. "What was that about, Romanova? This was one of your tests as you know all too well. I don't want to explain that my best student failed at graduating."

One thing Natalia had learned very early on, was that excuses or explanations were not wanted. "Forgive me, Madame," she simply said, dipping her head. But inside her was turmoil. So she could fail. She had to do it inconspicuously, just little mistakes that could happen to everyone. If Madame B. found out she'd had her worst beating yet to get.

"Get yourself ready. Hand-to-hand combat in room 304, 10 minutes. Don't be late."

"No, Madame," Natalia answered in earnest and set out for the right room. Her steps were firm, unwavering, while her thoughts rode a carrousel. Should she really try to fail so she could run? But on the other side, what did she have to lose? Her life? That was already gone, wasn't it? The lives she had had to take until today… Not on missions, no. Simply to survive the Red Room. Because if she hadn't killed, she would have been killed herself.

Her mask was firmly back in place when she reached room 304 and pushed the door open. Madame B. already awaited her. Three men were there, too. Natalia raised an eyebrow for a split second, but said nothing. It was unusual having a man within the facility, although she knew that those were often chosen for the graduation tests; later when on a mission they would have to fight more often against men than women.

"Take care you won't be defeated, but don't kill them. Remember, you might be forced to interrogate your targets afterwards. See that they are in a condition suitable for interrogation." Madame B. signed her to start and stepped aside.

Instantly Natalia's pose tensed, and she raised her hand, observing her opponents for tensed muscles or any other signs of attack. They were good. They were fast. But Natalia was better. The first man's ass kissed the floor not full five seconds later after she had kicked his legs from under him and punched his head against the floor. One out, two to go. The second man landed one punch before she kicked his chest. She dodged one of his swings, ducked under the arm of the third guy and grabbed his arm to pull him over her shoulder, only to step on his sternum with enough force to leave him breathless but without causing lasting damages. The second man used this moment to take her into headlock. Natalia gasped for air and tried to escape his grip before a thought crossed her mind. She struggled a few moments longer, then tapped him to end this test. He released her immediately.

Madame B. pressed her lips to a tight line. "Sloppy. You're better than this, Romanova. What is wrong with you today?" She waved her hand to shoo the men out of the room. "I don't know you to be overwhelmed. You learned to escape that hold years ago. I demand an explanation."

"I don't think to be fit for graduation just yet, Madame," Natalia answered honestly.

Her instructor eyed her closely for a moment. "You are afraid." It wasn't a question.

Natalia gulped, but said nothing. Admitting fear caused punishment, she knew. She was not supposed to be afraid of anything. Accomplishing her mission, nothing else was important. Not even her own feelings. And then something happened that Natalia never expected.

"Is this about the graduation ceremony? You are old enough to bleed, you know what this means. It would be understandable, but unnecessary. The ceremony will enable you to gain access to important missions and duties. Duties to serve your country. It is an honour to graduate the Red Room. To survive its training."

"I know," Natalia finally said in a calm voice. "I know it is an honour."

"Then what is the problem?"

"Nothing, Madame."

"Very well. I will regard your previous tests as passed. If someone of my students is worth to graduate, it is you, Romanova. You worked hard for this. Don't throw it away."

"No, Madame. Thank you, Madame." No emotion laced her voice.

"Follow me to your last test. Now."

Natalia followed her instructor back into the corridors, head straight and shoulders squared. She was not supposed to be weak. To even feel weakness. A Black Widow was never afraid and she shouldn't be either. But it was difficult not to be. She heard rumours of the graduation ceremony. Of how some girls were only partly anaesthetised. Whether that was true or not, Natalia wasn't sure. She was sure, however, that the last test was her last chance to fail. They entered a room with a target pinned at one wall and a Makarov pistol lying on a small table.

Madame B. turned around to face her after closing the door. "As practiced. Three shots with each hand, switchover as quick as possible. Second target will be placed after you complete the first one."

Natalia was close to raising an eyebrow. That was supposed to be all? Weapon's training? She couldn't belief it. Still she picked the pistol up and got into position, aiming at the target. She fired three shots in quick succession, switch hands almost to quickly for the eye to follow and fired another three shots. All of them hit the target's head or torso.

The door opened and two girls who already graduated brought in a man who wore a bag over his head. One of the girls took off the target and placed a chair in front of the wall. The other girl placed the man on the chair, hands bound behind his back.

"You have one try, Romanova," Madame B. simply said. The unsaid subtitles were clear: don't mess it up.

Natalia aimed at the man as the girls left the room again. Her hand didn't shake, but she didn't fire right away. She could still fail. She could avoid the graduation ceremony. Maybe she could even escape and run. Maybe. That was not a word she liked. The Red Room had taught her to like her orders clear and follow them. Arina's face appeared again in front of her inner eye. She had only followed the orders and her own instincts. Her desire for life had been stronger than her friendship. Although she had tried, hadn't she? But still, Arina was gone and it was her fault. Hers? The Red Room's? Natalia wasn't sure anymore. But-

"Romanova!" Madame B.'s voice cut right through her thoughts, eyes cold as ice and hard as granite.

That was all it took. The sound of her pistol reverberated through the room and blood blossomed on the bag. Her hand still didn't shake.

"Your graduation ceremony will take place this afternoon, so you can take your place in the world," Madame B. announced. "Get yourself ready for it. Your first mission will be assigned to you as soon as possible."

"What if I had failed?" Natalia had to ask. She had to know if she ever had a chance to change her life.

The older woman smiled at her with condescension. "You could never have failed, Romanova. In your case the tests were a mere formality since the patrons of the Red Room facility are well informed about your skillset. Nothing you could have done today would have changed the fact that your graduation ceremony will take place this evening."

Natalia nodded and turned around, her face like a mask made of stone. Starting tonight, she would be a Black Widow. And her ledger would be dripping red.

* * *

 **Alright, what do you think of it? It's clearly inspired by her vision in AoU, but still, tell me if you like it or not.**


	6. Breathe Again (010)

**A/N For a rather belated start into the weekend, here is the next oneshot for you. I already have some more planned out and the next two weeks I will finally have time enough to write as I please, so I hope to prepare some more chapters for you which I can upload every few days.**

 **Invader Johnny: Thanks. Intimidating she will be, indead ;)**

 **booksaremyfriends401: Thank you! There is at least one more Red Room story planned so far, but I'm sure I can come up with some more.**

 **FinntasticFinn: Tanks a lot. Oh, don't worry, there will be a continuation of chapter 3. To be honest, I'm writing it at the moment ;)**

* * *

Title: Breathe Again (prompt #10)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce (Paring)

Word count: ~1920

* * *

She hadn't missed the hot, humid weather. Not for a second. She could feel the sweat trickling down her back and it wasn't the first time she asked herself why she was doing this. It had been over five months now that the so-called Civil War had ripped the Avengers, her _friends_ , apart. Five months she had spent on the run while looking for him, never staying at one place too long just in case Ross was still at her heels.

And then, one day, Fury had appeared in front of her Londoner apartment and handed her a file containing barely two sheets of paper. "If I'd wanted to kick the big guy's ass, that's where I'd looking for him", he'd said, but what he meant was something different. He didn't ask her about the fight on the airport and he didn't ask why she switched sides in the midst of said battle. Natasha knew that Fury was worried about her. And not only about her, but also the rest of the Avengers. After Steve and her had brought Hydra down (and S.H.I.E.L.D. with it), Fury had been overprotective of his remaining protégés. Just as herself he hoped that the team could get back together. The whole team. But she knew he thought it a stupid idea of hers to go and look for a guy who could turn into an angry monster. Fury knew she wouldn't just try to talk him into coming back to New York but also confront him with leaving after Sokovia. And he wasn't the only one, Natasha knew. But she had to go, dangerous and stupid or not.

And here she was. Kolkata. It seemed ironic that she should find him here where she first picked him up to help find the Tesseract. Natasha didn't assume that Bruce lived in the same hut as before. That would just be too easy. And she was right. Some well-directed questions later she knew what she had to know. Apparently a certain Dr Robert Green had settled down some months ago, living in the west of the city near the border. At least he got humour. Natasha decided to wait there for him; it was pointless looking for him in this gigantic city, should he have any patients to look after right now.

It was almost five p.m. when she finally reached the little hut. Natasha sneaked around it once, looking and hearing for any signs that he was home. Nothing. To be honest, she wasn't surprised. The lock on his door took her barely five seconds to open it and she gently closed the door behind her. Natasha slipped the hood from her head and looked around. The hut consisted of one room, a bed behind a curtain in one corner. The kitchen was small, but clean and with a table and two chairs. A dresser stood near the bed, atop of it a collection of pictures. Getting curious Natasha walked over to take a closer look. A picture of an unknown woman, one of an older couple. One picture showed the Avengers; Natasha remembered the day of Thor's farewell party when the world seemed to be calm and without immediate danger. Back then, when they were still a team. It was a fun evening until Ultron showed up and everything went down. She put the picture neatly back on its place and turned to the last picture. It was one of her from the same evening, mixing a drink for Maria behind the bar and laughing. Although a smile crept on her face on the thought that Bruce had kept a picture of her, it also made her angry. If he'd missed her, then why hadn't he tried to contact her? Just to tell her that he was fine and would return once he was ready. It wasn't like she expected him to do anything out of the ordinary.

The sound of steps on the front door let her turn around, waiting for the resident of this little hut to step in. Quickly she put the picture back on the dresser and leaned against the furniture as if she hadn't one worry in the world.

Bruce didn't spot her immediately, but stepped out of his shoes and let his bag slide to the floor. It was only when he looked up that his eyes widened in surprise before showing resignation. "So you _did_ find me in the end," he simply stated and only now really looked at her. Took in her figure, her flowing red hair, her green eyes that almost always showed signs of amusement. Longing and regret joined the resignation in his gaze and he held up his hands slightly as in surrender.

"You didn't make it easy, Dr Green," Natasha answered with a shrug and emphasis on his new persona. "Nice nickname by the way. Took me some time and without Fury's help I'd never think of India. People seldom return to the place where they were found once."

"Exactly the reason why I came here. Can I offer you a drink before you drag me back to New York?"

"I won't drag you anywhere. I'm just here to talk." Natasha sat down at his table, legs crossed and eyes never leaving Bruce.

Bruce opened two water bottles and put one on the table before leaning against the kitchen counter as if he wanted to keep a safe distance. "I'm sorry," he finally managed to say. "I shouldn't have just left. And I don't want to blame the Other Guy for his decision because it was one I would have also made. But I'm sorry for leaving you behind."

"You should be." Natasha's voice still was calm, but anger and desperation slowly began to show. "You have no idea how mad I was at you and still am. What about our talk at the Barton's farm? About going away together? After we had defeated Ultron, I would have come with you. We could have come here if you'd liked to."

"I'm too dangerous to be constantly near you. I could have hurt you and I would have never forgiven me. If something happened to you and it would have been my fault…" Bruce broke off.

"I've made _friends_ with the Big Guy. He'd never hurt me, not more than you would. Just that you did. When you just left… I opened up to you. I thought we would fight our demons together. But then you were gone and I was left dealing alone with them. That's not fair, Bruce."

Bruce huffed. "Yeah, I'm sure our Captain let you deal all alone with it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Natasha didn't remember standing up, but she faced Bruce with her arms crossed.

"Rogers mentioned he saw you flirting up close. Guess he had no objections of me leaving."

Natasha simply stared at him. "Are you serious? Steve and I, we're friends. Teammates. Partners as long as S.H.I.E.L.D. was still up and going but nothing more. You're gonna tell me you're jealous of Steve?"

For the first time Bruce seemed to feel queasy. "Who wouldn't be? Look at that guy."

"Flirting is what kept me alive all those years. It's a part of me, I don't think about it. And sometimes it's fun to make Steve uncomfortable by just being flirty. You're adorable, really. But I'm still pissed at you."

"Pissed enough to through me down a well again?"

Natasha smiled. "Maybe." Then the smile vanished from her lips. "Here in the middle of nowhere… Did you hear what happened in Germany half a year ago?"

"If I say yes you'll probably be pissed again, so… No?" It sounded more like a question than anything else. Then Bruce sighed. "I haven't heard much, to be honest. Something about the Sokovia Accords, an explosion in Vienna and the fight on the airport. You know those people are building the airport for what? A decade?"

"It's cheaper to start it again than correct the mistakes made in the process. At least that's what Tony's said to calm down the government. I don't know if he paid for it, we haven't talked in a while."

"I didn't know which side to support when I heard of it. Really. I get it that Tony thinks we need to be supervised. After Ultron backfired so spectacularly there is no other solution. But I also get Roger's side. When Hydra managed to infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D., why shouldn't at least part of the governments be also corrupt? I knew if I joined the fight it would be crucial, so my choice had to be justified. That I couldn't do." His shoulders hunched a little while admitting that.

Natasha softly shrugged her shoulders again. "Me neither. Rather, I cannot fight my friends. In training, yes, but not in earnest. I fought on Tony's side but when Steve wanted to bring Bucky away, I couldn't stop them. Instead I helped them. Clint gave me a second chance when he refused to kill me. Why shouldn't Bucky be offered the same chance? To wipe the blood from his hands?"

"So that's why you haven't spoken with Tony. You're on the run with Rogers's team?"

"No." Natasha shook her head. "I'm on the run by myself. It's not the first time. One gets used to it when it happens often enough. Aside from Fury I haven't spoken anyone of the team. If there is still a team left, that is."

"I'm glad you're not hurt," Bruce said after a little pause and stepped a little closer, but wary as if he was afraid to scare an animal. "I was worried about you though I left."

"I can take care of myself. Kicking ass since 1989 or something like that. But if you were worried, then why didn't you call? Or send a postcard for that matter?" She stepped closer to Bruce without touching him yet. "Just telling me you're alright."

Bruce tentatively raised his hand and gently stroked her cheek. "Guess I didn't want to be found. Maybe I thought that if I didn't contact you, you would get over it quicker. Maybe I didn't think at all."

"I'd go with the last explanation," Natasha said with her signature smirk and leant into his touch. "There was a lot to cope with, recently."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Bruce huffed and caressed her arm. "But since I discovered you over there I feel like I can breathe again, you know. Although I thought for a very long moment I'd be a patient tomorrow and not the doctor."

Her laugh sent shivers down his spine. "I was tempted to let you know just how pissed I was, trust me. But I know what you mean." Natasha stepped even closer, wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm glad I found you, Bruce."

Her voice was muffled but he still heard it. Bruce cupped his arms carefully around her fragile frame and held her close. "Me too," he whispered. "You're staying for a while?" He didn't expect her to stay for ever. She just wasn't the kind of woman to settle down so suddenly. But he hoped to have some time with her to make things right before she went back. And maybe this time he would follow her.

Natasha freed herself only far enough to look at him. "For a while," she agreed finally and took a deep breath when leaning back in his embrace.

* * *

 **For some reason, this was quite difficult to write for me, but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless.**


	7. Candy (018)

**A/N So, without further blabla, hre is n´the new chapter for you. I really hope you enjoy it ;)**

 **Invader Johnny: Well, maybe sometime she really will ;)**

 **Byzantium blackberry: Oh god, thanks so much for pointing it out! I really didn't notice I used German punctuation instead of the more approbiate English one *face palm* I already corrected this oneshot and will also look over those already published. Thanks a lot, really!**

 **FinntasticFinn: I love it, too :D**

* * *

Title: Candy (prompt #18)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky (friendship)

Word count: ~ 1340

* * *

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon at the Avengers headquarter. Tony had been invited to some sort of fund-raiser and had taken Steve with him, because quote: "If he can sell war bonds, he sure as hell can help raising money where it is really needed." Before Tony could enlist any other team members, they quickly looked for excuses. Clint decided to spend some quality time with his family and Bruce had this really important project he was working on in the lab. Wanda and Vision decided they'd better not be seen in public and Sam wanted to train more to finally be "not that much slower than Cap." Rhodey had taken an extra shift at his post. When Tony had asked Natasha, she had simply looked at him with her cold Black Widow gaze until Tony decided he'd rather not wait for an answer.

So instead of being dragged to some event she didn't care about, Natasha got a movie and a bag of her favourite toffee she found by chance in a little shop and already got herself comfortable on the sofa in front of the TV. Right now she had a break from being an Avenger or an agent or whatsoever.

The soft steps approaching her didn't even get her to look up; over time she had managed to memorize the steps of every resident in the tower. Relaxed she popped another toffee into her mouth and acknowledged Bucky with a nod when he plopped on the cushions beside her.

"Why you're not with Steve and Stark?" he asked after placing his feet on the coffee table.

Natasha shrugged. "I worked for Stark undercover a few years ago. I had my share of him at events and I would rather kiss a shark than go on another one with him. What about you?"

"Didn't ask me to come," Bucky answered with a tone as if he didn't care but Natasha could see right through it. Being trained as a spy would do that to you.

"If he wouldn't trust you, he wouldn't have offered you a room in the tower. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about." After she had abandoned his side during the fight at the airport it had been hard work convincing him she could be trusted when the team finally got back together again. Natasha didn't believe he would let her go so easily again if she crossed him.

Bucky huffed. "Did you kill his parents?"

"No, and we had that topic often enough. You weren't yourself when you did it. It's in the past. Mopping won't change it." She sighed and to lighten the mood, she told him about her time with Tony. "I was the one to file him as unfitting for the Avengers Initiative when it first came up, so he ended up as a counsellor rather than a fully-fledged member. His pride didn't take it well."

Buck grinned. "I can imagine." Then from one second to another he grew serious again. "But yet he considers you his friend. At least so it seems. I on the other hand… I'm tolerated because Steve fought for it. I know he had a hard time adjusting but I wonder whether I'll ever be someone else than the Winter Soldier."

"It takes some time to adjust, I won't lie to you. But if you have the right guys around you, the ones who believe in you, it's possible."

"How can you know? No offense, but you're a member of the Avengers and of S.H.I.E.L.D. Doesn't seem to me as if you ever needed to adjust to anything." Bucky challengingly raised an eyebrow.

Natasha pulled her legs closer and hugged her knees. "I started as an assassin of the KGB, trained in the Red Room."

"You survived the Red Room? You're kidding me, right? You have to be kidding me."

"No, sadly not. My parents were killed and the KGB took me in, training me for its benefits. I graduated at the age of fifteen. I made a name for myself, so after a few years, Clint was sent by S.H.I.E.L.D. to kill me, but instead of doing so, he brought me to D.C., convincing Coulson and Fury to make me an agent. They went with it. Since then I spend my time wiping the blood off of my hands. Sometimes with more success, sometimes with less. Few people trust me the moment they meet me, but that's fine. They would be stupid to trust someone like me instantly." Natasha shrugged nonchalantly.

Bucky cocked his head. "Steve seems to trust you."

"Yeah, Steve is a puppy who trusts everyone patting his head," Natasha objected with a smile. "But there was a time he distrusted me. Changed only after we were hiding from Hydra. He saved my life."

"Glad I could help with that one, though I'm sorry for hunting you. And killing your boss." Bucky offered an apologetic smile. "Although your little shock-thingy really messed with my arm. And your hit on my glasses was just awesome."

Natasha only shrugged again. "They can be pretty nasty but that's the point of the Widow's Bite. And it's alright, you know. You didn't kill Fury and it wasn't the first time you shot me."

"Oh, come on! Are you serious?"

As an answer, Natasha lifted her top a few inches. "Remember the Iranian nuclear scientist? Somehow you pulled us off a cliff near Odessa but I managed to get us out. I was shielding him with my body and you shot him right through me. Bye-bye bikinis."

"Yeah, I'm sure no one wants to look at you when you're wearing them now," Bucky scoffed. "But I'm sorry nevertheless. I almost killed you twice and you're still not telling me to go and find another place to hang out?"

Natasha smiled and let the fabric fall back down before reaching again for her toffees. "Steve said something similar when I told him the story. And you've already tried to kill me thrice, so… I guess I just love the risk."

"Vienna?" Bucky simply asked and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. His metal hand clenched into a fist.

Natasha gently touched his shoulder. "I'm not blaming you for a single encounter," she said with honesty. "I rather look at it the other way around. I managed to survive the Winter Soldier three times, that should be worth some kind of achievement. And to be honest, I would have deserved to die every time. Like I said, there is a lot of blood on my hands. All we both can do is to try and make it up to those who trust in us. Heck, Clint even brought me to his family when he didn't know whether I could be trusted or not. You should have seen Laura's face when I stood in the door." Her smile was full of the warmth only seldom displayed by the Black Widow. "You living at the tower is the first step in the right direction. I got a second chance, even a third while we're at it. Why shouldn't you, too?"

"You really mean this, don't you?"

"Sure. I may be not Captain America, but I only lie when it's necessary." Natasha winked at him and hesitated for a moment before offering him her bag of toffees. "Want some? Just don't tell Tony or else he bothers me he wants some, too."

Bucky grinned his boy-like grin. "Won't say a word. Thanks." It was quiet for some while. Then Bucky asked: "Care to spar later? Need a partner who poses a challenge without using magic tricks."

"What about electric powered tricks?" Her look was too innocent to be real.

"You're talking about your Bites?" Bucky sighed as Natasha nodded. "Fine. But only limited. Otherwise I could be lying on the floor, drooling onto the mat."

"Could be," Natasha agreed with a grin. "You're up for a movie before we take it to the gym?"

Bucky shrugged, leaning back more relaxed. "Sure. Pick something."

* * *

 **Well, my first time writing Bucky. What do you think? Did I handle him quite okay or is he rather OOC?**


	8. Dog (107)

**A/N I'm glad FFN fixed the thing with the reviews and to kind of celibrate this, I post another oneshot. I really had fun writing it and I could just see Steve as this dog-person. I also used this to pay tribute to my own dog who passed away this summer. You won't really notice, since it is only a name, nothing more, but I felt like I had to do it. So please, enjoy!**

 **Invader Johnny: As long as it was amusing to you, I'm glad ;) Thought those two could use some bonding time.**

* * *

Title: Dog (prompt #107)

Characters: Natasha, Steve (relationship)

Word count: ~1950

* * *

„Natasha?" Steve's voices sounded strained, almost afraid.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and put her book aside. That didn't sound well. "In here!" She eyed him suspiciously when Steve entered their living room, visibly squirming under her gaze. "What's wrong?"

"Remember the talk we had about me proposing to get us a dog and you not wanting to have one?"

Natasha groaned. "I'm so not gonna like what you're about to say."

"I stepped by the shelter after finishing training the new recruits," Steve continued as if she hadn't said anything. "I wanted to just take a look. But there was this pup and he looked so lost. So I asked if there was already someone who showed interest but nothing. He's a little shy, I guess that's why. But I thought he would be fine with us."

"When you're gonna get him?" It wasn't like Natasha was angry or pissed, just resigned. She didn't hate animals or dogs in particular, but she felt like they were already having enough to do with the Avengers and saving the world and stuff like that.

Steve sat done beside her and looked at her with those blue eyes of his. Asshole. He just _knew_ how to play her. "I didn't want to bring him right along. Maybe we both could get there and you take a look at him. Look, I know your reasons, but this little guy seems really in need of a home. And I'm sure he will be welcome at the HQ once he's house-trained. If you really don't want to get him, then that's fine. Just take a look at him, alright?"

"Alright," she finally sighed and kissing him gently. "Just let me put on my shoes. You're adorable when you want something, you know? Adorable, but annoying."

"That's why you fell for me," Steve replied with a crooked grin. "You won't regret it, I promise."

Natasha sighed, tied up her second shoe and grabbed her coat. Behind the window the snow had just started to fall. "You're coming?"

-#-#- -#-#- -#-#-

Inside the shelter it was warm and bright. On both sides were dogs waiting for new owners, some barking and jumping, others being more careful and observing the visitors from a safe distance. Natasha took a look around. The Black Widow might have the reputation of being a heartless, ruthless killer but Natasha also had a different side. Memories of a little pup in the Siberian cold came to her mind and she quickly casted them aside.

"Oh, Mr. Rogers! I didn't expect you to return so soon. Have you made up your mind yet?" A woman whose name badge showed _Marisa_ was eager to appeal the Captain. Natasha almost smiled. Poor thing.

Steve laid an arm around the assassin and said: "My girlfriend wants to take a look at him first. It should be our dog, not mine alone."

"Of course." Marisa's smile seemed to falter a bit, but she led the way nevertheless. "That's the little guy Mr. Rogers was so interested in. We assume he's only a few months old, half a year maximum. Unknown breed, but his paws indicate to be at least partly something bigger. Maybe the size of a Labrador. Found him fastened to our front door. He's a little shier than the rest of our dogs here, we don't know what he's been through yet. But he's vaccinated and chipped."

"I want to get to him," Natasha announced.

Marisa didn't look pleased. "Well, um, sure. Just please don't scare him, he's a little sensitive."

Natasha threw her look that most surely scared the girl and opened the door to the pup's kennel. "Does he have a name?"

"We're calling him Cupcake, but if you want to take him, you can give him a name of your own."

"Sure as hell we'll do that," Natasha muttered and slowly hunkered down. "Hey little guy… Steve thinks you should come with us. I think he's crazy, but what do I know? What about you, fellow? Wanna come with us?" Her voice was low, calming, warm. A long while nothing happened. Marisa already left them to do some paperwork and Steve waited outside the kennel, staying silent and observed. The puppy watched her with wary eyes and sometimes his paws twitched just as he wanted to do a step in her direction. "Look, I really want to give you a chance. Won't happen again, trust me. But Steve seems to like you." Although Natasha talked to him, her body didn't move half an inch. "Don't tell him, but I think everyone deserves a second chance. I'd liked us to be yours. And you would get a better name than Cupcake, though your cute. You know, I once had a pup. A little girl, smaller than you. You remind me of her."

The pup watched her with his head cocked before carefully taking some steps towards her until he could sniff at the back of her hand. He sneezed. Natasha smiled. "Yeah, I cooked today. Promise, won't happen often." Slowly she turned her hand around and touched the dog, gently stroke over his dark grey fur.

"What do you think?" Steve asked softly.

Natasha sighed. "I think you're a cunning asshole," she answered, never changing her tone as to not scare the pup. "You thought that through? Because this little bundle of fur will cause us a hell of work."

"I think we're fit for it. Elsewise I wouldn't have brought you here."

"Fine." Natasha sighed, smiling as the pup slowly leaned into her touch.

"Fine?" Steve sounded as if he was afraid to believe her.

Natasha chuckled. "Go sign the papers, you idiot."

"Still your idiot", he replied with a smile and kissed her before literally hopping out of the kennel to go to the office.

"So, we need a name for you. Any ideas? No? You're not helping, little one." She contemplated the dog in front of her for a moment. "What do you think about Ghost? No, right, too mainstream. Jules? Well, your ancestor was a wolf. Guess you've never seen The Jungle Book, have you? Akela sounds good to you? Yes? Alright." She smiled when the pup waggled his little tail.

"You two got friends already?" Steve asked as he returned to the kennel.

Natasha picked Akela up and held him still so Steve could close the collar. "Sure. Even picked a new name. Steve, meet Akela."

"Akela? Sounds… curious. But hey, who am I to complain. I'm happy you two like each other." Steve watched with amusement as Natasha tucked Akela in her coat to protect him from the cold despite his thick fur. "We need to buy some things before heading home. Food, bowls for both food and water, a leash and a blanket or dog basket."

"Don't forget his name tag," Natasha added and adjusted he pup in her arms when he tried to nuzzle her neck. "Just don't make his bed too patriotic, he's not Captain America."

"But the colours would be fine?" Steve grinned at her when he opened the car door for her so she could get in without jostling Akela.

Natasha and Steve both agreed on the sofa and the bed being exclusion zones for Akela, but just as willingly decided that since it was his first day in the new home he could get on the sofa for cuddling time. After having carefully inspected his new home and sleeping berth (Steve did manage to find a pillow for the dog basket showing an Avenger's A, explaining innocently that "his name starts with A, too, and he's a member of the team now"), Akela sat in front of the sofa, head lying on the cushions, and hesitantly raised one paw only to put it beside his head.

"Just today," Natasha said as a warning to both him and Steve and patted on the blanket for Akela to jump on. The pup happily obliged, stamped over both Steve's and Natasha's legs and made himself comfortable at one end of the sofa beside Steve, coiled himself up and soon started to snore softly.

"Regret your decision yet?" Steve softly asked and pressed a kiss to her temple.

Natasha smiled. "No, not yet. I think he's perfect and just needs some time. Although he already trusts us enough to sleep near us, so that's something."

"How comes you know so much of dogs? How to approach the scared ones and all that? Part of a mission?"

"No." Natasha didn't say anything more but Steve could feel her walls rising. He knew prodding wouldn't do him anything good yet, but he wanted to know. There were a lot of things he didn't know about Natasha's past, so many things she still kept for herself. He knew it wasn't to hurt him; if Steve was being honest, he doubted that even Clint knew that much more than him. Natasha seemed to sense his thoughts, as usual. "I once had a dog in the Red Room," she started so quietly that even Steve had to strain his ears. "Every girl was given a puppy at some age and we had to take care for them. Feed them, train them, everything. I taught mine some tricks. Sezja, that's how I called her. She could turn on or off the light and even opened doors. I would sneak her something to eat, though I guess my instructors knew that."

"What happened to her?" Steve posed the question although he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. As if he couldn't help it, his hand reached for Akela's soft fur.

Natasha gave him a one-shoulder-shrug, similar to the one she showed in Sam's apartment after barely escaping S.H.I.E.L.D.'s missiles. "I needed to survive. It was her or me. Let's just say the career of the famous Black Widow started with her killing a friend. And it wasn't the only friend she sacrificed."

"Come here." Steve pulled her in an embrace. Though not expecting to see her shedding tears, he wanted her to know that he was there for her. That she wasn't the monster she thought herself to be. That is was alright to love and to care without being weak. "You're not the monster you so vehemently think you are. Trust me, I know monsters. I faced them. You are not one of them, never forget that. You know… I think Akela's lucky you agreed to get him. I don't know that much about dogs and you seem a pro. And… I appreciate you didn't send me to hell for throwing you off your guard with me being at the shelter. I guess I would have deserved it."

Natasha couldn't help but smile. "I couldn't leave him there. Just as I said, second chance for everyone. Maybe he's my second chance on deserving a dog's trust."

"I'm sure he is", Steve said reassuringly and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Guess we have to dope out who's training the recruits tomorrow and who's on dog duty, huh?"

Steve grinned. "Dope it out? Why, you wanna be on dog duty? Thought I wanted the dog, I'm taking care of him most of the time."

"You wish!" Natasha answered with a laugh. "If I let you take care of him all the time, he's howling the National Anthem before he's house-trained. Besides, he's too small now to keep up with you on your morning runs, so I'm gonna take him for a walk tomorrow morning. In the afternoon, maybe we can show him HQ so he gets used to the other guys. Deal?"

"How comes I think Akela is going to be your dog rather than ours?"

* * *

 **Well, what do you think? If you like the two of them with Akela, I would love to write some more oneshots dealing with the trio. As to Natasha's story of Sezja, originally I included an abridged version in this chapter, but then thought that I'd rather dedicate that story a whole oneshot which will probably not follow directly, but is definitely planned! That is, if you're interested in it ;)**


	9. Breaking the Rules (050)

**A/N So, the flu finally caught up with me, but I managed to get the nxt chapter up and ready. This one deals with the aftermath of chapter 3, so for all of you who wanted to know how things are going once Clint brings Natasha in, here you go!**

 **Thank you, Invader Johnny, for your kind review. Yeah, I guess Akela could be considered as some sort of baby substitute or baby training.**

* * *

Title:Breaking the Rules (Prompt #50)

Characters: Natasha, Clint (beginning friendship), feat. Coulson, Fury

Word count: ~ 1750

* * *

Natalia (no, _Natasha_!) would never openly admit it or show any signs, but she was afraid of meeting Clint's boss and boss's boss. It was up to them to decide whether she should be allowed to join S.H.I.E.L.D. and, more importantly, whether she should be allowed to stay alive. Laura had given her some of her clothes so Natasha hadn't to wear those she came in from Russia and still showed signs of her last appointment. Even Cooper seemed to have wished her luck; when she had left with Clint, the little guy had gifted her again with his plush hawk. After an encouraging look from Laura Natasha had taken it but told Cooper that she didn't want to take his toy with her since she didn't know when she would see this boy again. It was just heart-warming, being so quickly welcomed by people she barely knew.

What a contrast to this curious room. The walls resembled honeycombs and aside from a steel table and two just as uncomfortable chairs the room was empty. The light was cold and bright and would have made her shiver if not for her training. Clint had chained her to the table with an apologetic smile. "Coulson would kill me if I leave protocol any more. Although I doubt I can make it any worse after I refused to kill you," he had explained. Then he had added in a lower voice: "Just be yourself. Fury knows when you're lying. You have nothing to lose her and both of them know we could really use your skillset."

Since then Natasha sat there and fought against the urge to squirm and find a more comfortable position. Her back touched the back of the chair and her hands lay relaxed on the table. She knew this was about wearing her down and Natasha appreciated being treated as any other dangerous person would be. Her gaze was directed at the wall opposite of her. She had discovered at least two security cameras and she guessed that aside from the microphone on the table there were several others hidden in this room. Nothing she hadn't encountered before, to be honest.

The men entering the little observation room although were kind of one of a kind. One of them showed a receding hairline and the wrinkles over the root of his nose indicated that he had a lot to worry about; presumably one or two things more since Clint had returned without confirming his kill. The other man seemed some years older with a completely bald head. An eyepatch covered his left eye and Natasha didn't need any briefing on who he was; though she had never seen him in person, she had heard enough stories about Nicholas Fury to recognize him instantly.

"Miss Romanova," the other man addressed himself to her, "I am Agent Coulson, Agent Barton's supervisor. Honestly, instead of sitting her you should be lying in some alley in Moscow, preferably dead. But you're here because Agent Barton disobeyed his orders."

"I know it's hard to believe, but I didn't make him spare me," Natasha offered but didn't change her position one bit. She noticed that Fury only played spectator for now.

"No. You're not one to beg for your life," Coulson stated. "We know plenty about Black Widow. Her missions, her methods, her training. About Natalia Alianovna Romanova there is not so much intel. Your parents died when you were a young age? In an accident?"

"They were killed. I don't remember them."

"You seem quite relaxed talking about their untimely death. Too young to remember details?"

"Maybe. But even if that wouldn't be the case the Red Room made me forget everything about them. I barely remember their names."

Coulson raised an eyebrow. "Brain washing? Interesting. Then tell me, Miss Romanova, why shouldn't we believe that the Red Room sent you her as a sleeper to take S.H.I.E.L.D apart from the inside?"

"Oh, you should," Natasha answered without blinking. "Not assuming that I could be a threat seems a little dumb to me, to be honest, Agent."

Coulson smiled without humour. "You are not helping your case, Miss Romanova. Giving us only reasons why we shouldn't take Agent Barton's prompt into account… Not really the smart move."

"I'm not here to show how smart I am. Considering Barton's decision that's not a must have to become one of your agents." By now, Natasha refused to weigh everything she said. Clint was probably right: the more honest she was, the better her chances. Though she wasn't sure about Fury, Coulson seemed to be the kind of guy to be able to deal with some teasing.

To her surprise, Fury let out a small chuckle. "You've got to give her credit for that one, Phil." He abandoned his corner of the room and stepped to the table. "I guess if you wouldn't wear the handcuffs you would have had us dead by now?"

"Depends. Were you my enemies, yes. Probably would have already gotten one of your jets, too, and been on my way back," Natasha admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. "If you were my enemies and I'd be handcuffed to a table, I could still knock both of you out. You should also cuff the ankles of your guest to if not prevent it to happen then at least make it harder."

"You're quite a bragger, aren't you?" Coulson answered and raised a brow. "This table is welded with and screwed to the floor. And were not some greenhorns, in case you didn't notice. Do you really think you could knock out both of us fast enough?"

"Sure. Shall I show you?"

"Maybe later," Fury chimed in. "If, and that's a really big if, we would give you this chance, there would be plenty of opportunities for you to show us your skills. If. So, Miss Romanova, can you give us a reason to take the risk?"

Natasha returned his gaze without blinking, taking in his face. She wouldn't budge. "You probably know most of my assignments and targets until this day. You know what I'm capable of. You know there is more than your bounty set on my pretty head just for the fact that my hands are as red as my hair. Probably rather a darker shade. I don't know what more you know; since you're an agency operating around the globe, I figure it's quite a handful. But there is something you don't know about me. I tried to leave the KGB for some time now. S.H.I.E.L.D. would be my chance to do so."

"That would be a reason to join us, not one to trust you," Fury noted.

Natasha returned it with a smirk. "Right. But I don't like being in debt to someone. I would try to pay you off. With my skillset bound to your agency. You cannot trust me to not double-cross you and it would be a waste of breath to swear on my honour." She shrugged again. "But that's the point where you have to decide whether I'm worth the risk or not."

"Why did you plan on leaving the KGB?" Coulson asked and crossed his arms.

Natasha was silent for a moment, pondering on how honest she had to be. Finally, she answered: "I was selling lies and killing people for an agency which probably killed my parents and turned me into a weapon. I have red in my ledger; doubtful if there's anyone with more blood on his hands at my age than me. I'd like to wipe it out. I know what you guys are working for. Though I didn't talk Barton into bringing me here, I'm glad he did. Couldn't know at your front door and ask for a job interview, could I?"

Fury contemplated her words for a moment. Then, raising his voice a little, he called out for Clint who immediately opened the door as if he had been waiting behind it. He only glanced at her but nodded almost unnoticeably towards her. "Agent Barton, you know you have to be held accountable for refusing to finish your assignment?"

"Yes, Director," Clint answered without missing a beat.

"And it is true that you asked Coulson for a new partner?"

"Yes, Director."

"Oh, please, no," Coulson groaned. "Her being his partner makes me to her supervising officer. Have you any idea on how much trouble those two together will be? Just measured on how much they already stick together?"

Fury showed one of his rare grins. "Sure thing. But more importantly I hope they will be more trouble to those threatening what S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for. With those two we could finally initiate STRIKE Team: Delta." He turned to Natasha and gave her an approving nod. "After we dealt with the Russians, of course. It's not like I trust you, Miss Romanova. I don't trust people. But I'll take every opportunity to piss on their legs, more so if this opportunity gifts me with a new agent. But beware, Miss Romanova: I'll keep my eye on you."

"Understood," Natasha said and gave him one of her smirks.

"Good." Fury turned back to Coulson and Clint. "You two get her and some high-end field agents to the gym. I want to know exactly what she's capable of. Clearance level one, for now." The director headed for the door, ready to let his other agents deal with her for the rest of the day.

"Thank you, Director. For giving me a chance," Natasha couldn't help but telling him before he left the interrogation room.

Fury turned around one last time and almost smiled at her. "Thank me when you're stuck with Barton on some mission and with no back-up in sight." Then the door fell shut behind him.

Coulson turned at her with a sigh. "Alright, let's get you tested. By the way, when exactly did you manage to get off the cuffs?"

* * *

 **Poor, poor Coulson! What do you think, will he get the chaos trio on the leash?**


	10. Snow (019)

**A/N Here you go with a new oneshot dealing with Natasha's Red Room experiences. If you look closely at chapter 5, you will find that Arina was already mentioned there, so for those of you who wondered who she was, here is the answer ;) It's inspired by a deleted scene of _Captain America: Civil War,_ where Natasha mentions this experience to Steve. I just took the liberty to emebllish it a little.  
Oh, and by the way, I worked over the previous chapters and corrected the punctuation. I'm still a little embarrassed by this mistake...  
**

 **Invader Johnny: No, she definitely won't like it and that's just what makes it so much fun :D**

 **Romanoff1: THank you very much, I'm glad you like it! Of course there will be more chapters with Nat at the farm, the next one probably chapter 12, if everything goes according to the slim plan I have ;)**

* * *

Title: Snow (Prompt #19)

Characters: Natasha, Arina (friendship)

Word count: ~ 1660

* * *

Natalia watched the jet vanish behind a cloud and pulled her coat tighter around her. Her gaze wandered to the other girls that stood with her in the midst of the tundra. An icy wind blew every warmth from their bodies and snow crunched beneath the soles of their boots. It was going to be a rough night, Natalia could already tell.

One of the girls with brunette curls stepped up to her. "We're having a problem," Arina whispered and nodded to the bags lying in the snow. "Madame B. said it would be a two weeks' march from here back to the facility, but there is only supplies enough for one of us, not fifteen. The others wouldn't let us take it voluntarily."

"They aren't intended to do so," Natalia answered just as low. "That's just another test. But you and I, we are better than the others. We can make it back. We share the supplies; wouldn't be the first time we go to bed hungry."

Arina nodded. "What about the others? Are we just leaving them here or-"

"We have to kill them." Natalia's eyes were cold as the environment the girls were standing in. "Otherwise they could come after us. Or they die of starvation. I wouldn't want either of it." Natalia watched the other girls for a moment. Some already seemed to flock together to make plans of their own, others looked around as if not knowing what to do now. All of them were around her age, none of them older than thirteen. Natalia knew their strengths and weaknesses as she knew her own. Only few were able to pose a danger towards her. "We cannot risk an open fight. Not if all of those hold together. We need to single them out and we need to be fast about it. Let's get started."

Natalia slipped away, seemingly not caring what Arina was doing. She wasn't good at friendship, never had been, but the brunette was the only one of the girls with whom she had some sort of connection. They slept beside each other in the big dorm, trained together and shared their meals. And sometimes they even talked about their thoughts. Natalia trusted no one blindly; her handlers had taken care of that. But she knew that Arina would not sell her out if it could be avoided.

Five of the girls were out cold only moments later with no blood to soil the snow. Without regret Natalia looked down at them. If they were too weak to survive the training, why should she spare them? Only the best would survive the Red Room, that they already learned at a very young age. While Natalia had taken out the first few rivals, Arina had already secured the supplies and warded the other girls off who tried to get a hold on them. Natalia knocked two more out before joining Arina.

"Back off. Now!"

"Those are supplies for all of us. We need them to get back to the facility." A black haired girl stepped forward and pointed to the few bags demandingly.

"You did realise that there are only supplies for one of us, right?" Arina gripped her knife tighter. "What kind of training would it be if our only challenge was the cold?"

"Good. Then I'll be the one who makes it back," the black haired girl announced and took a step forward, but was held back by another brunette.

"You're kidding us, right? Why should you be allowed to survive?"

The black haired girl smirked. "Because I'm the best." A blade flashing up in the sunlight, red drops scattering on the snow. The brunette dropped to the floor. In the next moment, the other girls surrounded the black haired one, seemingly completely forgetting Natalia and Arina.

Natalia observed the situation only a second, then nodded towards Arina who grabbed two of the backs, slung them over her shoulder and started to run. Natalia took the remaining bags and followed her, quickly moving out of earshot of the fighting girls. Just in time. A snow storm was already forming.

-#-#- -#-#- -#-#-

The two girls huddled closer beside the little fire they had managed to get going, although it gave off more smoke that heat. Outside the little cavern they had managed to dig into the dense snow the night lurked. Neither of them wanted to sleep in case some wolf thought them to be an easy kill. Both Natalia and Arina only ate half rations to make sure they would last until they reached the facility, but Natalia doubted it to be any good. They had already needed more time than anticipated to reach this point.

"How's your leg?" Natalia asked and tried to keep her teeth from chattering. Only four days after they had managed to make off with the supplies, Arina had been attacked by a straining, starving wolf. It had managed to bite her calf and since then her leg had swelled and slowed them down, but Natalia simply refused to leave her behind.

Arina shrugged shivering. "Hurts more than this morning, but I guess I'm gonna survive it. Seems to be infected, but I honestly don't know." She looked into the fire for some time until her stomach rumbled loudly. "We don't have anything more, do we?"

"Not for today. Our supplies are slim as they are." Natalia pulled the collar of her coat closer to her neck to keep her body warmth from escaping from there.

"Pity." Again Arina kept silent for some time. "What do you think how the others are doing?"

Now it was Natalia's turn to shrug. "Depends. Those who haven't gotten themselves killed could survive some time if they find water and a place to escape the cold. We should have taken the coats from the girls I killed before the others tried to grab the supplies. Stupid not to think of that." She shot a glance to Arina, seeing the cold sweat forming on her forehead and the fevered gleam in her eyes. More softly she added: "Try to get some sleep. I'll wake you up if I need your help defending us, alright?"

"But really, wake me if there is something," Arina demanded already lying down.

"Sure thing."

Once the morning dawned, Natalia shook Arina to wake the girl; they needed to keep moving. "Arina. Arina, wake up. Arina!" She shook the brunette's shoulder, almost flinching when accidentally touching her fervid skin.

"I'm cold," Arina mumbled, pulling her coat tighter. "And my leg hurts."

"That's okay, we can take it slowly today, if you want to. Come on, let's eat something first, alright?"

"I'm not hungry."

Natalia gulped. Something she dimly recognised as fear coiled in her stomach when she stripped the sheeting off the dried meat. For the first time in a very long time she felt utterly helpless. No training in the Red Room prepared her for this situation. Of course. She was not supposed to save her teammates, since once she graduated she wouldn't have any teammates. She knew how to kill Arina in their little cavern in at least thirty different ways, but how to fight the fever in this environment or how to vet her calf properly with the things she had, Natalia didn't know.

Time went by and since Arina couldn't find the strength to sit up, much less to stand up and walk, Natalia stayed by her side. Noon came and went and Arina looked up at Natalia with something like desperateness in her eyes. "Just kill me already, Nat," she whispered hoarsely. "We both know I won't make it to the facility. You can't carry me and even so, I wouldn't let you."

"No." Natalia firmly shook her head. "You're my only… I won't leave you here."

"The supplies won't last long enough for both of us, but you alone have a chance. Please, Natalia. Just do it. For our friendship."

Natalia evaded her gaze, looking at the knife stuck in the shaft of her boot. She knew it would only be merciful to end Arina's suffering. If she couldn't walk, she couldn't be treated properly. Her fever would rise and eventually burn the life out of her. But Natalia couldn't do it. Arina was her only confidante after Sezja was gone and Natalia didn't want to lose her, too. With all of the Red Room's training sessions and attempts to wipe her emotions out, right now Natalia couldn't do cold blooded assassin.

Arina smiled softly at her. "I won't hate you for it, Nat. You'll be fine. You're the strong one."

"Thanks for being my friend," Natalia managed to get out, drawing her knife.

-#-#- -#-#- -#-#-

Natalia skidded and slipped on the way to the top of the hill. If her compass was working correctly, the Red Room facility should be directly on the other side of the hill. It better was, her supplies were almost non-existent anymore. The cold air cut into her lungs and her limbs were like lead. She didn't know anymore how it felt to be warm.

It still took her four hours more to reach the facility. Madame B. greeted her at the entrance. "We expected you almost two days earlier, Romanova. Go get yourself cleaned up. Your training will take place in twenty minutes. Don't be late."

"Yes, Madame," Natalia responded and stepped in.

"You have blood on your coat," Madame B. remarked with her nose scrunched. "Prepare yourself for a shift in the laundry and extra dancing lessons. You were taught to keep your clothes clean when killing. You will practice this more."

"Yes, Madame," Natalia repeated and tilted her head slightly. As she followed Madame B., her finger gently caressed the blood stain on her sleeve. Even if she showered and changed her clothes, Natalia doubted there would ever be a time when she didn't know it was there, right on her arm.

* * *

 _Well, what do you think about this? Honestly, I thought (and think) it quite a cruel way to seperate the wheat from the chaff and I can't believe Natasha never had any friends before Clint. I guess only after this episode she really decided that love was for children._


	11. Stripes (049)

**A/N Thank you, Invader Johnny, for your review!**  
 **This oneshot is a rather short one and some kind of experiment. I know that there is a whole field of different ships including Natasha and this is the attempt to serve every ship, kinda. Please tell me what you think about it, if you have two minutes to spare ;)**

* * *

Title: Stripes (prompt #49)

Characters: Natasha, male character (relationship)

Word count: ~ 1300

* * *

Natasha sat on the toilet lid, staring at the white stick in her hands. The door to the bathroom was locked up with the key remaining in the key hole. That wouldn't stop her boyfriend from entering of he set his mind to do so, but he was running some errands at the headquarter, so she didn't expect him to be back very soon. It would be difficult enough to explain why the idea to use a pregnancy test even came to her mind. Why did those things have to take so long to show the result? It wasn't like she had her period or something like that since the graduation ceremony. Like, ever. But here she sat. Maybe she was lucky. Maybe the morning sickness derived from a brain tumour of some sorts. Maybe she just somehow upset her stomach the last few weeks. Maybe. But if Natasha was being honest, she didn't know.

It was just absurd she could be pregnant. How on earth should that had happened. Given, there had been plenty occasions to conceive a baby and since she was infertile, contraception was somehow pointless. Or at least she thought being infertile. Others would have called it a miracle, but Natasha was just overwhelmed. Not exactly in the positive sense, that is. What should she do with a baby? Would it even survive? Or would it be stillbirth?

And how would _he_ react? Natasha knew he would be great with kids; he'd proven it often enough at the farm. But would he even want kids of his own? And with her, of all people? She didn't know how to be a mother. It was easy being Auntie Nat, she didn't have to parent Cooper, Lila or Nathaniel; she was just being the cool aunt. Simple game. But being a mother? Something like panic coiled in her stomach and she feared to have to throw up again.

"Honey? I'm back!" his voice sounded through their apartment. Then, after a few moments: "Natasha? Where are you?"

"Bathroom," she called back, letting her head drop. How long could she evade his questions? Not that long, as it seemed.

He tried to open the bathroom door, but was stopped by the lock. "Hey, you okay?" he asked through the wood. Natasha could picture the concern in his eyes, the little frown that would now show on his forehead and his hand running through his soft hair. His voice slightly coloured in panic, he asked again. "Is everything alright with you? Natasha, speak to me!"

"I just need a minute."

"Well, you seem to be in there for quite a while. The pasta on the stove resembles some thick pulp if you know what I mean."

Natasha groaned and finally opened the door. "We might have a problem. Or not, depending on how we decide. I think you should have a saying in it, since it would not only affect me."

"Okay, rewind for a moment, alright?" Confusion furrowed his brows and he gently laid his hands on her arms. "What's this all about? Did you go to a doctor because of your sickness? Is it something bad? I promise you, we'll figure this out. I'll stay with you, no matter what"

"Hold that thought for a moment, will you? How do you feel about being a father?"

"About… what?" He considered her question for a moment before answering. "I would love it, I guess. I mean, if we ever decided to adopt. And I would love the child, no matter who his or her parents are. But why are you asking? Do you want to adopt?"

"Would you think it bad timing?" Natasha asked. "If we had a child, say, in about seven months or so."

He shrugged. "We should talk about it and plan it but else? Now is as good a time as anytime." He eyed her searchingly. "Why exactly are you asking?"

Natasha didn't think about stopping evading just yet. She might be a deadly assassin, but she had learned to only fight the fights that counted. "And how would you feel about becoming a parent if you were the biological father?"

"You're thinking of donating? No, Natasha. I wouldn't need our child to be related to me if it's not important to you." He gripped her arms slightly tighter, desperation now thick in his voice. "Why are you asking all these questions? What's going on?"

Natasha showed him the pregnancy test. "I don't know why I bought it. Maybe wishful thinking. Maybe instinct. You have to agree that the morning sickness went on too long to be some sort of infection. And from where should I have it, the headquarter? No one had been sick for a while. So I bought it. It's stupid right?"

He took the test from her fingers, but didn't take a look at it. "Natasha… Why are you afraid? Let's say the miracle happened and you are pregnant… So what? Of course you won't be in the field for a while, but aside from that I'm sure it's gonna be a wonderful time. For both of us. Yeah, it's gonna be difficult some times, but really: if this were our child in here, I would welcome it more than anything," he said and gently laid his free hand on her stomach.

"What if it's seriously ill? Or stillborn? I can give you no guarantee that it will survive," Natasha reminded him, her own voice thick with emotion. "They sterilized me when I graduated; that has to have some side effects."

"If so, we will make it through it. Together. I promise you, Natasha." He gathered her carefully in his arms, his chin resting on the crown of her head. "Look, I won't force you into having this child. If you are pregnant, that is. But if you really want to keep this child, then we will work it out. As a family."

Natasha searched his eyes for any hint of a lie, but couldn't find one. "You really mean that, don't you? You have to be mad. Just mad."

"To my defence, you knew that when we started dating," he answered with a smirk and shrugged his shoulders.

"True." Natasha took a deep breath and nodded at him. "Alright, now look at that thing and tell me whether to freak out or not. One stripe means we're clear, if there are two stripes, I probably should call Helen to make an appointment."

He kissed her forehead with a smile, before taking a look at the test. Natasha almost couldn't stand the tension, her face the Black Widow mask she seldom used at home, but which gave her at least some kind of safety. For once, she was genuinely afraid. She knew he was being honest with her, but how could he know she wouldn't mess it up? How could he know she could be a mother? Aside from Laura, she had never had any blueprint of what a mother consisted of. If – and that was a big if – she really was pregnant, she had to call Laura. Like, immediately. It wasn't helping at all that his face gave nothing away when he looked at the test. No flickering of his eyes, no smile, no pout, no nothing. Natasha was surprised; normally he wasn't the kind of guy to hide his feelings very well.

"Well," he finally sighed and there was a sparkle playing in his eyes. "I hope you have Helen on speed calling." Then he picked her up and whirled her around, a laugh making his face even more beautiful. And for a moment the hot fear in Natasha's stomach vanished and a smile spread on her lips while she put her arms around his neck. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.


	12. Eden (007)

A/N Well, this one is kinda longer than the others... Don't really know what happened here, but I hope you'll enjoy. It's another oneshot dealing with Nat and Clints kids, although the mighty Hawkeye himself also has a line or two ;)

Invader Johnny: Thank you for your review. Yeah, if there's someone to really deserve peace and / or happiness, it's her.

WidowInBlack: Then welcome back, I'll say! Thank you for your long review. I'm a little flattered it's this collection bringing you to writing your own FF, but I'm looking forward to it! Of course, if I have questions I'll just PM you; please feel free to do the same.  
To your question: I read somewhere that in the comics Bucky trained her, yes, but since I only know the MCU, I didn't have the heart to try write such a oneshot just yet. If you would like to read something along those lines, I'll be happy to try! In general, I guess there could be another oneshot focusing on Nat and Bucky... there are 120 to be written and that here is only #12 ;)

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Title: Eden (prompt #7)

Characters: Natasha, Lila and Cooper, feat. Clint

Word count: ~ 2110

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Natasha had been sleeping like a baby in her room at the Barton's farm – the room that once had been just a guestroom – until Lila jumped on the bed. She woke instantly, looking in the girl's brown eyes that were only inches from her face.

"It's morning," Lila whispered with a smile too big for this time of the day. "You promised we would go and build a fort today."

"And why are you whispering?" Natasha asked whispering as well, suppressing a yawn. She really needed to lock her door before going to bed.

Lila at least had the decency to look ashamed. Goddammit, that girl knew how to wrap her around her little finger! "Mom and Dad are still sleeping and I don't want to wake them. And I don't want Cooper to come along. He always spoils things."

Natasha groaned inwardly. Lila was afraid to wake her parents, but waking an assassin was alright? Given, the girl probably neither knew about her past nor her job, it was no wonder. "Sweetie, we can't just go off into the woods without letting your parents you. Why don't the two of us make breakfast? The smell will at least wake your dad, trust me, and then we can tell him where we are going," Natasha suggested.

Lila pouted. "But daddy says you cannot cook!"

Natasha's looks darkens for a second. _Traitor._ "Well, I can manage to make some coffee. That way we'll wake your dad and he can make the real breakfast. Sounds better?"

"Yay!" Lila grinned from ear to ear and scrambled from the bed.

"And just for record, I'm versed in the basics of fending for myself, just that you know." Natasha enjoys the warmth of her bad one moment more before slipping out of her blanket, sitting up and stretching her muscles. One look out of the window showed her that the day promised to be sunny. The first wisps of fog were already rising and with a little bit of luck it would be a warm enough spring day to wear the lighter jacket. Though that was something she left for Clint to decide; he would kill her if Lila would catch a cold just because she suggested to keep the coats in the closet.

"You coming, Auntie Nat?" Lila waited in the doorway, almost bouncing on her little feet. Natasha made a mental note to remember to not promise her any activities for a certain day. She loved the energy the kids had and she even so loved spending time with them. But sometimes – especially on days when she was off duty – she liked to sleep in instead of getting up in the wee hours of the morning.

Natasha followed Lila into the kitchen and started working on the coffee machine. It wasn't long until the first drops started to collect in the pot. "You want a cocoa, Lila?" The eyes of the little girl started to gleam and Natasha chuckled to herself. Without much searching she found the box containing the cocoa and stirred some of it with a glass of milk. "Here you go."

"What see my old eyes?" Clint stepped in his pyjama into the kitchen and grinned at Natasha. "The little devil dragged you out of bed, huh?"

"No!" Lila protested. "I was really careful when I woke Auntie Nat."

"Sure you were, sweetie," Clint answered, gave his daughter a little kiss on the crown of her head and went to fill a mug with coffee. "So you want to go into the forest today? Make sure to wear your warm jacket, Lila. And a scarf won't hurt. Will be cold for a while today, I guess."

"Do we have to take Cooper with us?" Lila's voice sounded almost whining, but she tried to keep it together. "He always breaks things."

"He's your brother, Lila," Natasha answered. "One day you'll be glad to have him, so yes, he will come with us if he wants to. Trust me, we'll still have fun."

"Fine," Lila mumbled and sipped at her cocoa.

Clint shook his head with a smile before turning to Natasha. "Just make sure they don't smash each other's heads with some log."

Natasha poured herself a coffee as well and leaned against the counter. "They aren't Steve and Tony locked together in an elevator. We're gonna be fine, I promise. I'm Auntie Nat, I can handle your kids. And you and Laura can need some time for yourselves, so stop whining already and make some breakfast."

"Yes, Ma'am." Clint saluted with a mock serious face and started to collect the things he needed.

In the end, Clint not only prepared a breakfast for all of them but also some sandwiches for the fort-building crew. Nat supervised Cooper and Lila lacing their shoes and slipping into their jackets, promised Laura and Clint again to be careful, gave little Nathaniel a goodbye kiss and went with the other two children towards the forest. A few days ago she had already looked for the right place for their fort; she wanted it to be close enough to the farm, so Cooper and Lila could go and play there even if Clint and herself were back at HQ and Laura had no time to go out here with them.

"What are we gonna do now?" Cooper asked with a big grin and looked around. They still were in the outskirts of the forest with the trees not being too close to each other. The farm was barely visible through the foliage but it was still near enough for any case of emergency. Not that Natasha hoped it would come that far.

"Now," Natasha answered, "we're gonna looking for some branches. Before you knock them off the trees, look first what lies around. They shouldn't be so dry or wet that when you pick them up they break. More something in the middle. We need all kinds of them, right now it doesn't matter whether they're long or short. If they still have some leaves or stubbles from twigs on them, just break those off. Do you think you can find those?"

"Of course!" Both children practically bounced around.

Before they were out and going, Natasha called them back. "Don't go too far into the forest, alright? I don't wanna go searching for you. And if you find something too heavy for you, it's not a shame to tell me and I will get it. Understood? Good. Then off you go." She smiled watching the kids jump through the forest, all animosity from ten minutes before seemingly forgotten. Natasha turned around to the two forked trees not standing very far from each other. With some effort she managed to place a thicker branch in a way so that both trees support one end of it; it almost looked like a tent without tarpaulin, but it was high enough that both Lila and Cooper would be able to stand in their little fort once it was done.

"Look, Auntie Nat! That's a right one?" Cooper asked, dragging a whole bunch of branches behind him.

Natasha smiled at him. "Looks good, Cooper. Where's Lila?"

"Here!" the girl squeaked, dragging much less than Cooper but had a big smile on her face. "Are those enough?"

"No, but I'll help you with it. You see the big branch over there between the trees?" Natasha waited for the kids nodding before continuing. "We're now gonna lean the branches you found against this one. I brought some strings so the branches won't get out of place by time."

And with a grin the kids went to work. Natasha found it oddly relaxing spending her time with the two of them, instead of training the new recruits at the headquarter. She enjoyed having a few days off and when she had asked Clint if she could come over, he had only told her that her room was always ready for her. It was nice having a place she not only could call home but where also waited her family for her. Because that's what the Bartons were, her family. Clint was the brother she never had had before and although they might have had a difficult start, Laura and her had grown very close. Being a honorary aunt for the kids was just a bonus she would have never thought of. Yes, she loved being at HQ and she liked the Avengers; they were her working family, so to speak. But she was most grateful for having the Bartons where she could just be Natasha. Although she had to have her phone always with her, just in case there was some sort of emergency. Though Rogers would be smart to think twice about calling her; he wouldn't get her back without a valid reason.

"Hey, how are ya doing?" Clint stepped forward from between the trees and laughter sparkled in his eyes. Both his children and Natasha were covered in leaves, bark and dirt, working together to string on of the last branches to the ridge. "Thought you could use this." He showed them the old tarpaulin he had found in the barn.

Natasha turned around. "Looks good. You're just right, Barton. Come, give me a hand."

Clint sighed playfully and stepped beside her to hold the branch in the right place so Natasha could tie it down securely. "There you go. Cooper, Lila, you've got another one?"

"Here, Nat," Copper answered and with Lila's help passed them another branch. "There are still four of them."

"Four are enough. If there are some gaps, we can fix them later."

Clint eyed the fort more closely. "Why does it remind me of Sweden?"

"Because we build something similar back then. Only smaller. And colder. And this time I will fixate the tarpaulin, because your kids don't have to sit on wet ground like we did."

"True enough," Clint answered with a grin. With a hushed voice he continued. "You know, sometimes I miss the times of S.H.I.E.L.D. How often did Coulson curse just because we didn't act according to plan? Really miss that guy. But I wouldn't want to trade in my life here, not for ever. Laura's always been so worried when we went on a mission, I can't do that to her anymore."

"Clint." Natasha turned around with a serious expression. "You don't have to explain it to me. You have built… your own Garden Eden out here. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s gone and Phil's gone… Things changed. But if you miss the other guys so much, you could drop in in HQ sometimes. Stark insisted on including an apartment for you and even if he didn't you could crash on my sofa. I'm glad you have this life out here; how many former agents or Avengers can say that much? Without that I would never have been Auntie Nat. So skip the long face and hold this branch a little more to the left, will you?"

"Aye, Ma'am," Clint agreed, nudging Natasha playfully with his shoulder.

Half an hour later, Cooper made the last knot to secure the tarpaulin over the wooden tent. "Done!" he yelled and Lila scrambled inside. "It's so big!"

"Here, take this." Clint handed her an electric torch, a firm string attached to its end. "If you sling the string around the branch and tie it down really hard, you even have a lamp inside there."

Lila did as instructed and smiled at her dad. "Like this?"

"Just like this. Good job."

"When the other Avengers come visit again, they could sleep here, couldn't they?" Lila asked with big eyes like she was already planning on who to exile into the woods.

Clint stifled a laughter. "Yeah, sure. Auntie Nat and Bruce could share the fort, don't you think?"

Just as Natasha was about to press her elbow into Clint's stomach, Cooper piped up. "No, Aunt Nat has a room in the house. That's _her_ room, so she sleeps there."

"That's my boy." Natasha pulled Cooper into an embrace and ruffled his hair. "I think Stark would _love_ to sleep here… he's a real nature guy, you know?"

"Can we eat our sandwiches in here?" Lila asked, already sitting on the dry forest floor inside the fort.

"Sure thing. But you have to make room for us," Natasha said. "What do you think, is your dad allowed in here? Or does he have to eat outside?"

Both Cooper and Lila contemplated their father for a moment before they started to whisper. Then, finally, Copper announced: "He's allowed, but just today."

"Yeah, a real Garden Eden, Nat," Clint muttered under his breath.


	13. Forever (082)

A/N Alright, this is probably THE longest oneshot of all of them right now. I really don't know what happened, but I blame it on the fact that one of my friends is planning her wedding right now and well, I just got carried away. Sue me. I really hope you guys like it, because it was hella work to write...

Invader Johnny: No, some people really have problems with that. Maybe Nat will learn it sometime.

WidowInBlack: Thank you very much for your praise. It's a nice feeling reading things like that *big big smile* I love the Bartons as well and I like the thought of Nat playing such a big part in this family. No need for thanking me, if you have further questions, just get them out! Here you got at least some minor Nat-Bucky interaction, but I promise I'm working on a chapter revolving just around the two of them.

Which brings me to an additional little point just before I let you go off and read: please send me any prompts of stories or scenes you'd like to see, I'll be happy to fulfill them if I can. And now, off you go. Go on. Shoo!

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Title: Forever (prompt #82)

Characters: Natasha and Steve (relationship), a _lot_ of other characters

Word count: ~ 2800 (told you it's quite long)

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„You look beautiful, Natasha," Pepper said with a smile and handed her a glass of champagne. "I promise you, if he isn't star struck, I'll knock him down myself."

"Don't think that would be necessary," Natasha answered with a small laugh and accepted the glass. "I could wear my pyjamas and bed hair and he'd still think I'm beautiful." But she had to admit, Pepper was right. The whole army of dressers, make-up artists and hair stylists she had hired had done a great job. Her red hair fell in soft curls over her shoulders and her eyes were made the focus point of her face with make-up that seemed almost natural. Her lips shimmered softly without being too prominent. Natasha liked the seemingly effortless look of it.

"Well, if you were wearing pyjamas, this dress would have been a waste of money, you know? Shall I help you into it?"

"It's about time, isn't it?" Natasha let out a sigh that only those closest to her would identify as nervous. She shrugged of the bathing robe she had been wearing all morning.

Pepper had already opened the zipper and little buttons of the dress and had taken it carefully from the clothes hanger before holding it on a way on the floor that Natasha just had to step into it. "Alright, you can use me as support if you want to. Just try and not step on the fabric."

Natasha left it be to tell Pepper that her balance was more than good enough to step into a dress even if she had been wearing her heals already. Instead she gracefully stepped into the pool of cloth and held still when Pepper lifted it around her. She was just about to straighten the straps when the door opened.

"If that's you, Rogers, then I swear to god-" Pepper started but broke off when Clint almost shyly poked his head in.

"It's just me Pep. Geez, you almost freaked me out." He stepped inside and closed the door carefully behind him. Only then he took a closer look at Natasha. "You're stunning, Nat. Like, really."

Natasha smiled in response. "Thanks. How's Lila going, still nervous to ruin everything." She held her breath when Pepper slid up the zipper and closed the small three buttons on top of it.

Clint leaned against the doorframe and took a sip from Natasha's champagne. "She's fine now. Still, wouldn't have thought she freaks out like this just for being a flower girl."

"Well, I'm her favourite aunt," Natasha replied with a shrug.

"You're her _only_ aunt. And I checked Cooper four times that he got the rings. Laura and Steve probably asked even more, so I thought I'd look after the bride and tell her that the car is waiting for her."

"Almost done. How's he?" Natasha gave up trying to master the amounts of fabric and let Pepper slip on her heels.

Clint was smart enough to know she wasn't asking about Cooper. "He's alright. I left him with Barnes, so I guess he won't go anywhere even if he wanted to. Although Barnes must have caught him one time as he tried to sneak to you during the night and the threat of being knocked out might have done the trick. He's not hurt and due to his serum doesn't even show bruises, so don't get your pulse up. Nobody wants to see a battered Cap at the altar."

"You guys are gonna be the death of me," Natasha muttered under her breath.

"So, you got everything?" Pepper asked with a smile, fully in CEO-mode since dawn. "Something, old, new, borrowed and blue?"

Natasha nodded and sat straight as in a mission debriefing. "New dress, old necklace and shoes borrowed by you because I won't accept a pair of heels worth more than my monthly salary as a gift. And something blue that only Steve will see tonight."

Clint smirked at her. "You're wearing the Captain America panties I gave you for last Christmas?"

"Seems like you finally did miss a shot, Hawkeye," she answered with a raise of her eyebrows and smacked his arm.

Due to her training, Clint couldn't really tell whether she was lying or not. Instead of prodding her further, he simply offered her his arm. "You're ready to go?"

"I think so."

Pepper followed them outside the room. "I'll go and see how far Tony is. We'll meet you inside."

"Tell him I'll kick his metal ass if he's not ready," Natasha called after her with a smile. Though it didn't mean she hadn't meant it serious. "And I don't even need to change my clothes for that."

"Wow, Romanoff, your husband-to-be doesn't like that kind of talk." Fury stepped around the corner with a rare honest smile that reached his eye, his hands busy with tying the knot of his tie. "You don't want him to run, do you?"

Natasha shrugged, returning the smile. "By now he has to know what he's about to get himself into."

Clint gently kissed her cheek. "I'll drive up the car, alright? Two minutes."

Natasha and Fury stood there in silence for a moment, then Natasha rose to speak. "Ever thought you'd be the one leading me to the altar?"

"No," Fury chuckled. "And I still don't know how I earned this honour. But I'm happy for you, Nat. I'm glad Barton didn't follow orders back then. And you better not tell him that."

"Don't worry, I won't. And thank you. For… everything. It wasn't Clint alone who pulled me out."

"No, he wasn't." Fury seemed most content with himself.

"And since Pepper told me again and again that this is an emotional day and more along that line: you earned this honour because you're the only father figure aside from Coulson I've ever encountered. It's only right that you're the one to lead me in there."

"Nervous?" Fury asked. Only his eye betrayed that he indeed was touched by her words.

Natasha shrugged. "A little. Not because I think that he's the wrong guy or that he'll ever hurt me; I would hurt him much more in return."

"Bet you would," Fury responded, pride in his voice.

"But it makes everything so official. I mean, I could have said no when he asked me, but how can you refuse his puppy eyes? And I… I really wanted to take that step with him. He's the one, Nick. As naïve that may sound."

"I'm not gonna answer that!" Fury took her hand and slipped it around his arm so it came to rest in the crook of his elbow. "It needs courage to take such a step. If you have something, it is a damn load of courage, girl."

Natasha smiled and took a deep breath once they reached the large double doors, then Fury pushed them open with his free hand. A white old-timer decorated with lilies and white roses waited outside with Clint behind the steering wheel. Fury helped her consign the loads of fabric inside the car before he opened the door to the passenger seat.

It was a short drive to little chapel Natasha and Steve had chosen. They didn't expect too many guests; neither of them had much connections outside the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. Both had agreed on keeping it a private affair, so any place in the United States were out of question. Instead they had boarded all their friends onto a jet – with generous help of Tony Stark – and found this little chapel somewhere in the Welsh no man's land. Ancient, covered in ivy and with a pastor who didn't care she didn't believe in any kind of god. It was Steve who had wished for the white wedding; if Natasha had had her way, they would have married in Las Vegas. Although she had to admit, it felt nice dressing up for this whole occasion and having your friends with you.

Clint parked in front of the little chapel and turned around to face Nat. "Well, we're there. I'll make sure that everyone and everything's in place, so you and Nick can follow me shortly. Alright?" He gave her one of his crooked smiles, then he got out of the car.

Fury followed his lead and stepped around to help Natasha from the rear bench seat.

"I really start to hate this dress," Natasha murmured under her breath.

Fury rolled his eyes. "You wore worse things over the years. I think you can deal with that dress for one day."

Natasha huffed but didn't object. Fury was right, she _had_ worn worse clothes than this dress. It hugged her torso closely down to her waist where it fell in a wave of satin to her feet. Little pearls were scattered like stars across the front and from the same type as the buttons atop the hidden zipper. Wanda and Maria had helped her chose it.

Fury again took her hand to place it in the crook of his elbow. "Ready for your last mission, Agent?"

"Last mission? About that we need to talk, like really. Just because I'm married doesn't mean I won't go back to the field. If Steve said something to you-"

"That was a joke, Natasha. He didn't tell me anything." Fury laughed and put his free hand on the door of the chapel. Music could be heard faintly. "Shall we?"

Natasha gripped her bouquet a little tighter, then nodded. Fury opened the door and there he stood. Steve. At the altar, look focused on her, in his tuxedo. A smile broke onto his lips when their eyes met. Bucky stood at his side and smirked with a look that said he couldn't really believe what he saw. While Natasha walked down the aisle, she saw all those people who were important to her and Steve sitting there and looking up to her. There was Laura with little Nathaniel – Lila walked in front of her scattering petals while Cooper waited up front with a solemn face and a little pillow with the rings – right next to Sam and Maria. Pepper sat beside Tony who not only looked sober but also presentable; Natasha raised her brow in acknowledgement. Thor met her gaze with a big grin on his face and dressed in something that looked close to a ceremonial suit of armour. Next to him sat Bruce, in his brown eyes some of the sadness that always seemed to linger there. But he smiled at her when their looks crossed. Wanda was there, and Vision, and Rhodey. Even Spiderman in his suit and Scott. T'Challa in all his kingly demeanour sat next to Sharon who didn't seem all too happy to be there.

Fury gently pressed her hand before he left her at the altar with Steve and their best men and took his seat next to Maria. The pastor started to talk, but Natasha was barely listening. She was almost drowning in Steve's eyes and couldn't look away. It was like a shock when the pastor addressed her finally. "It would now be the time for the marriage vows."

Natasha cleared her throat. "There was a time when I wouldn't even dare to think about love. I learned that love was only for children. But then I met you. You showed me that it was okay to love, to be vulnerable, to open up. And I did. I know I'm not the easiest person to handle and I know there were bets going around on how long before you gave up. But you didn't and I can never tell you how grateful I am. I love you, Steve, and I vow to always love you and always keep your back. I vow to never leave you in pain or fear or danger. I vow to stay with you until my last breath." While saying this she slipped Steve's ring onto his finger, wining at Cooper when he hold the pillow so she could easily access it.

Steve smiled warmly and his voice was firm when he responded, while he took her ring and gently slipped it onto her finger. "Natasha… When I returned to this world, I felt lost. We met under such crazy circumstances, but you impressed me instantly. You are strong and smart and loyal. And then we teamed up together and I have to be really bad at conveying feelings because I don't know what brought you to try and set me up with other girls. I love you, Natasha. I vow to always love and protect you, to keep your back in battles both every day and special. I vow to never hurt you and never leave you behind. And I vow to stay with you until my last breath."

"I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride, Mr. Rogers," the pastor declared with a smile.

Steve's hands gently cupped her face, his eyes so filled with warmth and love that Natasha was left breathless. Then his lips met hers in a chaste kiss. Too chaste for Natasha's taste, but instead of deepening the kiss, she slung her arms around his neck while their guests applauded.

~#~#~#~#~

The dance between Steve and Natasha just ended when Tony played the last accords on the piano. Steve hold for a moment longer, looking into her eyes, before finally letting go of her hands.

"Move over, Stevie, it's my turn," Bucky reminded him with a big grin and nudged him playfully in the chest.

Steve sighed, while Natasha rolled her eyes but couldn't keep a smile from her lips. Since she too had chosen a best man instead of a maid of honour – it would have been hell of a search to find a maid to start with – Steve and Clint sat this dance out. Natasha laid her right hand on Bucky's metal shoulder.

"Long ago I saw the punk smile like that," Bucky muttered low enough for only Natasha to hear over the music. "As his best friend _and_ best man, I have to remind you that I will hunt you down if you ever make him unhappy." The toothy smile betrayed the earnestness of his words.

Natasha laughed quietly. "Consider it noted. But yes, it's almost ridiculous how happy he is wearing an uncomfortably tuxedo."

"And you? Hope you're happy, too. Otherwise Steve might have a problem not even I could punch him out of it."

"Yeah, Clint already told me he threatened him. You knew Steve really asked Clint before he asked me? I don't know if I should feel flattered or irritated."

Bucky nodded before twirling Natasha around. "Back in our time it was common to ask family first. He had the choice between Clint or Fury from what I've gathered, so I don't blame him for asking the first."

"Me neither," Natasha answered with an honest smile.

The spend the rest of their dance in quiet. Before letting go of her, Bucky asked: "Take good care of that guy, will you? He needs someone to look out for him with his hero-complex."

Natasha nodded. "I promise. Thanks for pulling him out of the Pontomac back then." Instead of staying on the dance floor – now treated by FRIDAY with music everyone could dance to – she went to the bar to grab something to drink. A familiar head with dark curls appeared in her vision and Natasha decided to take a seat beside him. "Bruce. Thanks for coming."

"Thanks for inviting me," Bruce answered with a shrug and turned the glass in his hands.

"You're our friend," Natasha answered firmly. "Of course you'd be invited." Aside from missions or meetings in HQ they hadn't talked much during the last weeks. It had been hell of planning, especially when the bad guys wouldn't stop wreaking havoc. Maybe it had been an egoistic choice to invite Bruce; after all, they had been a thing once. But she had wanted him there, had still wanted him in her life as a friend. "You okay?"

"It should be me asking you. Those shoes must be killing you."

"Have been wearing worse," Natasha shrugged it off. She almost had expected him to evade and since he did, she wouldn't poke further.

"Are you happy, Natasha?"

Natasha eyed him for a moment before deciding to be honest. "Yes. I am. Steve, he's… It feels like he makes everything easier and harder the same time, you know? But mainly easier. It's a nice feeling, coming home after a mission to someone instead to an empty apartment. He does me good, I think."

"Then I'm happy, too," Bruce responded with a convincing smile. "And you owe me a dance, although I'll probably just step on your feet."

"Don't worry, we'll make a dancer of you!"


	14. Curious (029)

a/N So, I hope you had fun during Halloween. This oneshot should originally deal with what happened to Sezja back when Natasha was a kid, but since I really loved Invader Johnny's idea, I figured I should write this first. But fret not, WidowInBlack, your Bucky-Nat-oneshot will happen, I promise!

Invader Johnny: Thanks again for this idea, I hope you find it as funny as I do.

* * *

Title: Curious (prompt #29)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce/Hulk

Word count: ~1450

* * *

„Alright, really, it's easy. All you have to do is to follow me with your steps. The more complicated stuff like twirling is not important right now," Natasha said calmly and took Bruce's hands in her own. Her trademark smirk played on her lips. "No need to be nervous, Doctor."

"I'm not…," Bruce cleared his throat, "I'm not nervous."

"Sure you're not." Natasha started a slow dance, applying gently pressure to indicate the direction Bruce should move when turning him backwards.

The music played only softly in the background, so low it was possible to miss. They had the tower mostly to themselves today. Steve was away with some sort of mission and Tony had decided to spend the day with Pepper. It was only Clint who was around and he was cleaning his bow. So they had moved their dancing lessons to the gym, since Bruce was convinced to trip over his own feet and pull Natasha with him to the ground. At least injuries were almost impossible atop of the mats.

"You're doing well," Natasha said after a while, a small lighting up her face. "And you only stepped on my feet, like, four times."

"Yeah, sorry for that." A light blush crept up his cheeks. "But it's… it's kind of relaxing, to be honest. You're doing that often? Dancing?"

Natasha chuckled. "Classical dancing? No. Only if a mission requires it. Otherwise just club-dancing, but not too often. I'm not one for going out. And I haven't danced ballet since Clint brought me to SHIELD." Her expression had turned harder with her last words, but she quickly changed back to her poker face. Those times laid long behind her and she had no intention in reliving the memories. In the broad daylight, that is. During the night she kept visiting the dancing room of the Red Room facility, where she practiced ballet until her feet had started to bleed.

"I thought Tony offered you to take you dancing. Or was it Steve?" Bruce knitted his brows together in confusion.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Both of them. But Stark would use every dance to do something very inappropriately so I would have to hurt him and Steve blushes so fast it would be no fun to be flirty with him. And as I said, I'm not a dancer by passion."

Bruce started blushing even more and cleared his throat. "I… I could take you out for a dance or two. That's if you'd like to."

"That's nice of you, but I'll suggest before we do that we're working on your steps." Natasha liked spending time with Bruce but she feared the other guys wouldn't stop gossiping once they'd seen her going out with Bruce. She'd like to avoid embarrassing him.

Suddenly Bruce stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose while squeezing his eyes shut.

"You're alright? Bruce?" Natasha's voice was worried when she looked at him more closely. "Do you need something?"

"No, it's… it's just the Other Guy. Since we were working on the lullaby, he took a liking to you. It's been a wonder he was passive for so long today. He seems curious." He looked at her almost apologetically.

Natasha shrugged. "Then why don't you give him some screen time? The gym is Hulk-proof, thanks to Stark, and as you implied, by now we work together pretty well. I don't think he'll hurt me and maybe afterwards he's satisfied enough to let us practice in peace."

"You're sure?" Bruce raised his eyebrows. "I don't know in what kind of mood he'll be in."

"I'll be fine. You said it yourself, he likes me."

"Still. I'd be more relaxed if you'd be wearing your Widow's Bites. Just in case of an emergency," Bruce said with a frown.

Natasha rolled her eyes, but let go off Bruce and turned to the room next door where everyone kept part of their weapons. There she got her Widow's Bites out of her locker and attached them to their wrists. A soft blue glow indicated that they were powering up immediately. A growl could be heard from the gym and Natasha decided to not keep the Big Guy waiting longer than necessary.

The Hulk sat on the mats, facing the door to the lockers and seemed impatient, his expression only lightening up when he saw Natasha. A low humming noise from deep in his throat greeted her, one arm raised as in beginning the lullaby.

Natasha came smilingly towards him. "Hey Big Guy. Bruce told me you're curious. We haven't seen each other for a long time, huh?" She gently touched his hand in greeting before sitting in front of him.

Hulk huffed in agreement and outstretched one arm, hesitantly, before carefully touching Natasha's red hair.

"Yeah, I missed you, too. I've been busy with missions the past few weeks, but I've got some days off. So aside from the case that bad boys overrun SHIELD, I'll have some time to spend with you," Natasha promised with an honest smile. "What about you? Enjoying your days off?"

Hulk growled and grimaced, making a rather disappointed sound.

Natasha laughed. "I figured. But it's a good thing we don't need you in the field. Though I'll make sure you'll be noticed if we need your help, alright? Pinkie-promise." She outstretched her little finger. Hulk eyed it for a moment curiously, then he slowly curled his own little finger to hold it against Natasha's. "Great. Now, Bruce wanted to learn some dancing from me so he doesn't embarrass himself at Tony's parties anymore. I don't know if you'd be interested it that, too."

Hulk gently removed his little finger from hers and cocked his head as if in consideration. Then he got on his feet, probing the mats beneath him with his toes. Then he held his hands in the same way Bruce had held his only ten minutes before.

"Guess that answers my question," Natasha responded and got on her feet herself and stepped away to the CD player to start the music anew. Then she returned, carefully taking Hulk's hands into her own and started to sway on spot to the music. Hulk followed her awkwardly, his brows knotted in a frown. "You need to tell me if you're getting uncomfortable, alright Big Guy? But if you're good, we can take this further. You're up for this?"

Hulk nodded, pride shining in his eyes.

The view brought another smile to Natasha's lips. "You're doing a great job." With minimal pressure, she indicated him the way he should turn, spinning him slowly and pulling gently on his big hands when he should follow her. With time, a genuine smile spread on Hulk's face and he was clearly enjoying the time he could spent outside of Bruce's head. It was this almost childlike joy that melted Natasha's heart. Although she still respected his strength and anger, she wasn't afraid of him anymore. Deep down she knew that neither Bruce nor Hulk would hurt her deliberately.

And then, one second, she wasn't paying attention enough. Hulk made too big a step and trod on her foot. Although the mats absorbed some of the impact, a faint crunching sound could be heard and Natasha couldn't suppress a groan, followed by a string of Russian curse words. From one moment to the other the happy expression from Hulk's face vanished and got more troubled, almost as if he was angry at himself.

"It's alright, I'm fine," she managed to get out, breathing against the pain.

Hulk huffed disbelievingly and pulled her into his arms without further ado. His heavy steps sounded trough the hallways as he carried her to the little medical section near the labs. As gently as possible he laid her down on one of the tables while his form already seemed to shrunk. Not a whole minute later Bruce stood there, rushing to her side and looked over her worried. "What happened? He didn't…"

"No, Hulk behaved perfectly fine," Natasha managed to get out through her teeth. "I didn't pay attention or a second and he stepped on my feet. Nothing you should worry about."

"Of course not," Bruce responded with a huff and took her foot into his hands to closer at it, which only caused another flood of swear words. "I'm sorry, I'm as careful as possible."

"I know."

"What's going on here? JARVIS notified me that…" Cint asked, barging in the med section, but stopped short when he saw Bruce kneeling naked in front of Natasha, gently probing her foot with his fingers. "You know what? Never mind. I really don't wanna know." And then he was gone again.

Natasha raised one eyebrow. "He really gets weirder each year."


	15. Words (080)

A/N Soo, who of you wants to start the weekend with a new oneshot? You? And you? All right then. I just finished cramming the first Latin vocabs inside my head; I need to make up for a qualification in Latin, and frankly, my motivation consists of the prospect of being able to tear a strip off someone without them realising it *big grin* Maybe I'll include the fact that Nat also speaks Latin once I'm good enough for it. Let me know if you would be up for such a thing.

Invader Johnny: I'm glad you liked it, I'm not that good at comedies but it can't all be serious, right?

WidowInBlack: Thank you! To be hinest, I'm not against Brutasha per se, but I found it quite rushed the way it was depicted in AOU. Guess that kinda made me biased... By the way, that's your oneshot here ;)

Unicorn brownies: I'll take that as a compliment ;)

* * *

Title: Words (prompt #80)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky (friendship), feat. Bruce and Helen Cho

Word count: ~1350

* * *

Natasha crossed her arms as she stepped in front of the chair Bucky was seated in. Her gaze flickered to the bullet- and Hulk-proof glass panel from behind which Bruce and Dr Cho could observe everything going on in the small room. Its walls were of the same honey-comb-like metal SHIELD had used in its interrogation rooms with surveillance cameras sitting in the corners beneath the ceiling like fat spiders. There was only one door – also improved to withstand the power of a Hulk – and it led to the monitoring room.

"We're ready if you two are," Bruce told them over the comms, a slightly worried frown dominating his features. "We have all the time in the world, so if something goes wrong, we can just pause. No need to rush through. You've got your equipment ready, Natasha?"

"All I need is here," Natasha answered loud enough for the doctors to hear. Still, her hands did a last check-up on her utility belt, finishing with a flick of her wrists to power up her Widow's Bites.

Bucky groaned. "I hate those things."

"It's up to you if I need to use them or not," Natasha countered with a smirk. Then, just as fast, she got serious again. "You tell me when I can start?"

"One minute." Bucky closed his eyes as if in deep concentration. "The punk's out of town?"

"Tony took him with him when he left for New York. Some business of Stark Industries with which Pepper needs his help. Knowing Tony, Steve should be gone 'til evening." Natasha understood why Bucky didn't want Steve watching those kinds of sessions. One time Bucky had lost it completely which had left Natasha no other option but to electrocute him senseless. Steve had tried to bang right through the door to stop her which in turn Hulk had taken as his cue to step in and prevent him from doing so. All in all, chaos. Big time. Since this incident they had decided to schedule their sessions at times when Steve wasn't home.

Bucky nodded relieved. "All right then. Bring it on, Romanoff."

Natasha sighed soundlessly, shifting her weight to be able to keep a firm stance. There were few occasions when she really hated her origins, but this was one of them. Since none of the others – really, not a single one of them – spoke some decent Russian she volunteered to say the words triggering the Winter Soldier. Instead of trying to wipe the words and their function from Bucky's brain which, according to Helen, could result in irreparable damage, they worked on Bucky's control so that either he didn't even change into the Winter Soldier or made it quicker back to his real self. By now they were working on it for more than seven months and painfully slowly results were showing.

"Longing," Natasha started in Russian, her voice firm and merciless. "Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak. Furnace. Nine. Benign. Homecoming. One. Freight car."

Bucky had grown more uncomfortable with each word, leaving him with closed eyes and white knuckles at the end of the list. His hands clutched the armrests of the chair tightly and his whole body was stiff. For a second nothing happened. Then his eyes flew open and like a flash he stood up halfway, hands still on the chair and his eyes trained on Natasha.

She didn't move an inch, silently challenging him. Natasha knew what he was capable of; as the Winter Soldier, he had tried to kill her three times by now, not counting the various incidents in just this room. But right now it was more important than ever to not show fear. She could defend herself if she needed to and Bruce was only next door, always ready to send Hulk to her help. "You're in there, James?"

Bucky's gaze flickered for a second as if in recognition, then he stood straight up.

"Why are you not at your training, Romanova?" he asked, her name rolling from his tongue.

Natasha stiffened. She blinked furiously but couldn't get rid of the confusion. Why the hell did it seem so familiar?

He made another step towards her but no hostility lay in his stature. "Madame B. will be waiting for you already."

Natasha had to silence him. His words were stirring memories she had long since forgotten. Forgotten because her brain had decided those weren't important memories or because they were taken from her. She couldn't tell. Natasha moved quickly to give him a slight shock with her Widow's Bites but Bucky was faster. He held her tight to his chest and murmured near her ear: "Fifteen seconds, Romanova. Show me what you've learned." Natasha pushed her elbow against his jaw while simultaneously stomping on his feet. Eight seconds later she managed to shock Bucky.

"What the hell?" He stepped back again, now looking at her with his Bucky-look. The Winter Soldier seemed to be back in the corner of his head. "I know you."

Natasha turned around to Bruce and Helen. "Why don't you two get us some sandwiches? I guess Bucky could need a break." Neither one was stupid enough to challenge her and Bruce even deactivated the comms. Once the doctors had left the monitoring room, Natasha turned back to Bucky.

"We met in the Red Room, right?" Bucky continued with an incredulous look. "How comes I only remember that now? How comes you didn't tell me?"

"Because I didn't know, either," Natasha answered and sat down on the floor. "Only when you called me out… You trained me. I was only a girl. Once you covered me up when I came in late."

"You had been at a grave," Bucky continued her story, nodding slowly. "A friend of yours."

"Arina. I visited her on her birthday. When I came back, it was already dark and Madame B. was waiting for me. You were there, too. Telling her that you'd sent me out for some sort of training." Natasha smiled at him. "Without your help she'd probably killed me."

Bucky lowered his gaze. "But I was hard on you when it came to training. You were the best, you needed the hardest training to get even better. I don't know how often you walked out of the room, bruised to a point where others would have limped. But not you. You were made of marble."

"Don't say that!" Natasha's gaze hardened. "Just… don't."

"I'm sorry," Bucky said, his hands held up in surrender. "I didn't think. But I want you to know that I'm glad you made it. Back then, you could never be sure."

"No, you couldn't," Natasha agreed, offering him a small smile. "But we did. And I'd book it as a success that although you went in Winter Soldier mode, you weren't aggressive at all. We should keep practicing, but it seems like you're on the right path."

Bucky chuckled lowly. "Just like back then in Russia. Changing the topic if there's something that you don't like. You've gotten better at it, Natalia. It sucks that some words still hurt after so much time, doesn't it?"

"You're the expert on this one. Ever tried to figure out why they chose exactly those words to trigger the Winter Soldier?"

"It's never been important. And frankly, I don't care. I just want them to not have as much power over me as before, that's all that interests me." Bucky shrugged and took his seat again. "I guess were starting anew once Dr and Dr are back? But you're going easy on me, right, Natalia? Don't want to explain the punk you knocked me out again."

"Call me Natasha. Natalia died almost twenty years ago when a SHIELD Agent was sent to kill her.

Bucky nodded seriously. "Then call me Bucky. We know each other long enough for you to call me that." Then his face broke into a big smile. "I really wanna see the punk's reaction when he learns that I knew his girl before him. Back then, we didn't… did we?"

Natasha rolled her eyes and quickly zapped him.

* * *

2\. A/N I left it kinda open whether they were a thing at Red-Room-times. I know (or think) they were one in the comics, but since I didn't read the comics and all of this is more set in the MCU, well... it's up to you if Bucky had his hands on Steve's girl before him ;)


	16. Precious Treasure (036)

A/N Here you go guys with the next one shot. I know that I didn't mention the name of Natashas partner in the oneshot "Stripes" (purposefully so), but here I had to give her a father for her child. You'll see why ;)

Invader Johnny: I'm glad you're amused, mission accomplished ;)

Unicorn brownies: Wait, triple agent thing? I guess that's a number too high if one doesn't know the comics... But I'm glad you liked it either way.

Laufina: Thank you! You don't have to give me a prompt if you don't have one ready, don't worry ;) Yeah, I also love her being Auntie Nat and now we'll look at her first day as mother.

WidowInBlack: You don't have to apologize for not reviewing within the first few minutes. I'm happy if you guys do it sometime, so please don't worry. So, and NOW I thank you for your review ;) I'm glad you liked it since it was basically your oneshot, so I'm more than happy you liked it.

* * *

Title: Precious Treasure (prompt #36)

Characters: Natasha, Steve (relationship), feat. Fury and a baby

Word count: ~1290

* * *

Natasha fought against her heavy eyelids. She was bone-tired but she didn't want to take her eyes from the little bundle in her arms. Tiny fists lay on the pink blanket, a red face scrunched up in sleep. Wisps of blond hair, only a hint of copper in them, were hidden under a little hat and Natasha knew that the now closed eyes were an undefinable mixture of green and blue. She loved her already.

"You have to rest, Nat. To gain your strength back," Steve said gently, sitting on the foot end of her bed and watching his girls.

"I can sleep later," Natasha answered, stifling a yawn. She couldn't tell him she was afraid their daughter could vanish if she only closed her eyes for a minute. After all she'd done in the past, it couldn't just be that she should be granted this happiness. A family she was told she could never have. A family she would protect with her last drop of blood.

Steve rolled his eyes at her. "Stubborn."

"That's why you love me," Natasha quipped and carefully made some room beside her. "Come here."

Steve obliged with a smile and crawled to her under the think blanket, still in his combat suit. He laid an arm around Natasha's shoulders to pull her closer towards him and she happily leaned against his torso.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Natasha whispered with awe.

"Beautiful as her mother," Steve verified and pressed a kiss to the spy's temple. "A shame we still haven't decided on a name yet."

Now it was Natasha's turn to roll her eyes. "That's because we can't name her after both our mothers if I can't remember the name of mine and you're too stubborn to just go with Sarah. And you don't like Loreen because it reminds you of some bitch from WWII."

"Language, Nat," Steve reminded her automatically. "And she wasn't a… you-know-what. But she did know what she wanted and was one of the first women to actually make Peggy jealous."

Natasha smirked. "Oh, I can imagine what she wanted, _Captain_. And what's against Peggy? Or Margaret, that is."

"I want a name for her that means a lot for both of us. She is our daughter, not only mine."

"Fine, but names like Francine, Jamie, Samantha, Wanda and Antonia are out of order. I bet those guys are already trying to outdo each other in being the best uncle; no need to massage someone's ego."

"Then there aren't many possibilities left," Steve sighed. "There isn't a female form of Bruce, is there?"

"Not one that I'd know." Natasha snuggled closer against him. "You can ask him when he gets there. I don't think it will be long until the first of them start kicking in the door."

"They took over debriefing so I could immediately come here. I guess Fury holds them off a little longer to give us some privacy."

"Fury!"

"Yes." Steve blinked in confusion. "You know, the guy with the eyepatch, former director of SHIELD."

Natasha now could have needed a third arm to smack his head without jostling the baby. " _I know_. I mean, what about him? He's like a father to me ever since Clint brought me into this interrogation room in D.C. He could step in for my nameless parents. And I dare to say he means something to both of us, though I'm probably his favourite agent. Well, right after Hill, of course."

"Let's say you're his favourite Avenger."

"That's not exactly an achievement," Natasha said with a low chuckle.

Steve smiled at the sound of it, his gaze directed to their still sleeping daughter. "So it's Sarah Nicole? Or Nicola? Or Nicola Sarah?"

"Sarah Nicole," Natasha answered with a determination that made Steve grin. "Your mom, my adoptive father. Kind of."

"And we circumnavigate the dilemma to choose one or two of our friends to name her after. I like it. Sarah Nicole Rogers-Romanoff. Probably the most spoiled kid that will ever live."

"Probably. Do you really think we can do this? Being parents? I mean, I... I on't know how to be a mother. What if I do something teribbly wrong?"

"You won't," Steve answered with determination. "You know why? Because you have instincts. The Red Room might have brainwashed you, but they could never erased your instincts."

Natasha's voice suddenly was very low. "What if they brainwashed me so I would hurt her? She's so small, what if... what if I drop her? What if a switch flips and suddenly I'm about to kill her?"

"Natasha, you know listen very closely, alright?" Steve took a deep breath. "This won't happen. You love her so much by know already, that you could never hurt her. Hell, I'm afraid of the time she will bring home her first boyfriend!" Natasha chuckled lowly at his words and Steve continued with a smile. "See? You'll protect her, no matter what. I promise you, you have no need to worry about hurting her. Ever."

"You're sweet." Natasha yawned again. "You wanna hold her? I need to rest my eyes."

"Sure." Steve was excited as well as nervous as Natasha placed the small bundle in his arms. "I can wake you when the other guys come in."

She made an approving sound and snuggled closer to Steve. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Steve responded. He bended over Sarah and kissed her forehead softly. "The both of you."

~#~#~#~#~#~

The soft creak of the door woke Natasha before Steve could even acknowledge the visitor with a nod. Fury's coat caused soft sounds while his steps even in the heavy boots were almost non-recognizable.

"Hey, Nick," Natasha greeted him with a smile, stretching her muscles carefully and then looking over to Sarah who was waking up now, too, blinking confused into the world. Steve smiled down at her, then moved away from Natasha's side to instead occupy his place at the foot end again to give her the space to sit up. Natasha noticed Fury's gaze and said with a smirk:" You know, you can hold her, right?"

"Don't be so smug, Romanoff," Fury answered with a warm smile. "Wait till the munchkin shows the stubbornness inherited by her parents." But he still nodded when Steve offered Sarah to him and cradled her carefully in his arms. Sarah yawned and laid one of her little hands against the black leather of his coat, obviously enjoying the cool touch to it.

"It's only Steve who's stubborn. I'm strong-willed," Natasha quipped but smiled, enjoying the view of the man who was a father figure to her interacting with her daughter.

Steve snorted. "Yeah, believe that if it makes you happy."

"You know, Rogers, women are always right. And now that you have two of them under your roof… My condolences. Isn't that right, munchkin? You're going to keep your dad on his toes, won't you?" Sarah made a sound that almost sounded like a chuckle. Fury smiled down at her, then turning back to Natasha. "She's going to have your eyes Nat, that much one can see already. Did the two of you already decided on a name? I remember some really bad arguments between the two of you because of that."

Natasha exchanged one glance with Steve before she decided on an answer. "We did. You also remember Steve's idea of naming her after our parents?"

"Yeah, but we couldn't find anything on yours. I'm sorry, Natasha, I set Coulson's whole bus team on finding something, but the KGB did a good job." Fury seemed honestly distressed about the fact he had failed to dig up _something_.

Natasha shook her head. "That's alright. Really, Nick, don't worry. I don't even remember them, so I don't think I would name my daughter after them even if I had some names. We found a solution. So, her first name is Sarah, after Steve's mother."

"And her second name?"

Now it was on Steve to speak up and he did so with a bright smile. "Fury, meet Sarah Nicole Rogers-Romanoff. Sarah, say hello to your Grandpa Nick."

Fury was left speechless, so Natasha added softly: "You were there for me when Clint brought me in. You were the father figure I'd never experienced. It's only right to name my daughter after you. Especially if it gives me the privilege to call you Grandpa."

"Thank you," he finally managed to get out. "The both of you. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Steve answered, before a grin spread on his lips. "But you can show your gratefulness with babysitting her when she's old enough so we don't have to worry when the both of us are on missions."

"With pleasure."

* * *

A/N Let me know what you think about it, alright guys?


	17. Innocence (008)

A/N Well, folks, since I'm away until Sunday I just sqeezed out this oneshot so you got your weekly dosis of them. This time it's finally about Natasha's dog-experiences before Akela and it's... well, lets just say I would need some tissues at the end. Just saying. I hope you enjoy nevertheless and I hope I can manage another one in time for next week.

Laufina: Thank you very much. Yeah, as deadly as she is, Natasha can also be sweet if she wants to. I don't know if Fury would have experiences with real children (probably not) but the Avengers do resemble a bunch of kids on a sugar-rush sometimes ;) Some mor ethan others.

Invader Johnny: Thank you very much! I'm sure Fury felt very proud and after the scene in "Winter Soldier" where he was so concerned about her, I guess he'll be equally concerned about little Sarah.

WidowInBlack: Thank you! Yeah, it's quite the sugary oneshot isn't it?

Unicorn brownies: Thank you ;)

* * *

Title: Innocence (prompt #8)

Characters: Natasha

Word count: ~1850

* * *

„These dogs will be your dogs," Madame B. announced sternly while two man handed out the pups. "You will train them in between your own trainings. You will feed them with your own meals. You will make sure they obey you or you will be facing the punishment. Any dog who attacks a recruit, will be put out as well as the recruit who was not able to fend off the dog. Do you all understand?"

"Yes, Madame," the girls answered in unison and the adults left the dormitory.

Seven-year-old Natalia looked at the pup on her bed in awe. "I'm gonna call you Sezja. You okay with that?"

The pup cocked his head to a side as if it had understood her and was now thinking about it. Finally, it made some steps towards her to sniff on her hand. Its fur was a dark grey which made a stark contrast to the white chest and belly.

"I'm Natalia," she introduced herself to the pup. "We're going to be friends, alright? I don't have many friends. Only Arina, to be honest. You'll meet her, she's nice." Carefully she started to stroke the dog's fur. "I like you. You like me, too, Sezja?"

Sezja stepped on Natalia's lap and curled against her with a little yawn.

Natalia smiled. "I'll take that as a yes."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Sezja whimpered underneath her as the thunder growled outside. At the first sign of a nightly storm, the lanky dog had hidden under Natalia's bed; something that hadn't changed in the nine months since she had been given to the girl. Natalia soon discovered that no talking and luring would help until the storm had passed. Since she didn't want to leave Sezja alone in her fear, she crawled to the outer rim of her bed to be able to stroke her fur with the hand that wasn't cuffed to the bedpost. Those were neither comfortable nor warm nights, but Natalia accepted it without complaining.

"It's going to be over soon," she whispered as to not wake the other girls. "A long time ago, people thought it were gods who caused the thunder and lightning. Can you believe that? Gods who were angry or partying or whatever. Almost every mythology had such a god. With the Greeks it was Zeus and Jupiter with the Romans. Although the two were basically one and the same person. Then there was Baal in Syria, Indra in India and Taranis with the Celts. Oh, and the Germanic people had Donar or Thor. The Nordic mythology then borrowed Thor, although I'm not sure if he was first with the Germanic people or the Nordic ones."

Natalia kept quiet for a while and listened for the storm outside. She wasn't afraid of the thunder. Before Sezja, she didn't even know that one could be afraid of a storm. Just charged molecules unloading which caused lightning and sound effects. Not some sort of god who was out for revenge.

"I promise you, Sezja, nothing will happen to you. Alright? We're safe inside. I would tell you to just come in my bed but firstly, you won't come out from under there, and secondly, Madame B. would find out anyway and you would be in trouble for it. I don't know how she does it, but she seems to know _everything_. It's like she can read my mind sometimes. You remember the one time she caught us practicing this one trick where you roll over? She was furious. Well, we got better at hiding such stuff, didn't we? And as long as you're having fun with such things, we shouldn't stop."

Natalia stroked Sezja between the ears. The fur there was even softer than that on her chest and she liked the way it felt between her fingertips. "You know… I never saw one of the older girls with a dog, now that I think of it. Maybe we're the first to have one. I already talked with Arina about that and we're both not sure. I mean, why should they suddenly allow us to keep pets? You already experienced Madame B.; she's not the nicest person to know." The girl kept quiet for a moment, then she shrugged her shoulders. "Well, we should enjoy it while it lasts, right?"

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natalia sat on her bed after a training session, patching up her wounds. Sezja sat beside her on the floor, her head pressed against her thigh and emitting low whimpering sounds from time to time.

"I'm fine, Sez. Really," Natalia sighed and gritted her teeth when the cloth drenched with alcohol touched the cut on her shoulder. "I was just distracted, you know. Was the first time I fought five of the others at the same time and I didn't hit Daria hard enough so she got back up. I still won, though." She put the cloth aside and picked up a needle and thread. "The others can't even patch themselves up. I'm getting better day by day, you know? Madame B. said, it'll be only some years more, then I could graduate. I could get real missions then! If Arina and I were assigned to one together, I'd protect her. She's my best friend aside from you and I guess I can't take you with me on missions. Maybe Arina would look after you when she can't come with me." Natalia talked through sewing the wound up as to distract herself.

Then, finally, she made a knot and put the needle aside. Sezja nudged her bloody hand to get her to stroke her, but Natalia pulled her hand away. "Let me first clean myself up, alright? I don't want to get you all bloody and stuff." She left the dormitory and went to the bathroom with the row of sinks, where the girls got ready in the morning in the sequence of their rank within their age group. Natalia always was one of the firsts.

When she returned to the dormitory, Sezja already waited for her behind the door, pressing herself against her leg once Natalia entered. With a smile the girl looked down at the dog and twitched at her ear. "You're really worried about me, huh? It's not the first time I got hurt in training and it won't be the last time. But I'll be careful, alright? Just have to be faster than the others."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natalia looked blankly at Madame B., her face a stony mask. The words just spoken played at an infinite loop inside her head. Sezja who had dozed at her feet until a few moments ago now sensed her struggling and sat beside her, gently nudging her hand as if to remind her that she was there and would help her.

All the training of the Red Room concerning her emotions almost had been for naught. Natalia had to work hard to not let the tears flow over her cheeks. She ought against the knot in her throat, felt the nausea coiling inside her stomach. Somehow she had known all along that it wouldn't be for ever. Natalia just hadn't anticipated to see it end so soon. She wanted to protest, wanted to refuse, but she knew the same moment that it would be to no use. She would die fighting for the love and trust of an animal.

"Do it now, Natalia. You may choose between the knife and the bullet, but don't hesitate. I neither want to see your hand shaking nor any emotion on your face, do you understand. Not even in your eyes. Remember the lessons we taught you," Madame B. instructed her. "You are one of our most promising recruits. Don't screw it up."

Natalia drew the knife from the sheath stripped to her thigh and turned towards Sezja without looking at her. She knew where she had to place the cut to make it quick and as painless as possible. Still, she knew it would hurt both Sezja and her. She loved the dog. For almost three years they had been partners, friends. She loved this ball of fur and its fear of thunderstorms, its solicitude when she was hurt. Sezja looked out for her and they had shared every meal. But she couldn't fight Madame B.; that was the first lesson she had learned in the Red Room.

Natalia braced her heart and kept her face in a blank expression, reminded herself that she could turn her heart into stone if she only wanted it. And right now, she needed it. Her hand was swift and she moved fast enough to avoid her clothes getting stained. Her whole body felt numb when she stood up again and faced her instructor.

"Do you know the aim of this lesson?" Madame B. asked, ignoring the limb dog at her feet.

Natalia only looked at her, holding tight to her stony heart. She was afraid that if she thought for one moment about what she had just done, she might break.

"Love is for children, Natalia. It is a weakness only existent to jeopardize your missions. Don't let it get in your way. No man, no woman and no animal is it worth to endanger your mission. Do you understand? Love is for children and you are no child anymore."

"Love is for children," Natalia repeated emotionless, feeling the stony heart to become a fixed part of her. Her hand felt wet and then suddenly, here face felt wet, too. She wasn't supposed to cry. Madame B. would whip her for crying for a dog.

A single bark woke Natasha. Akela stood right beside her bed, looking intensely at her. He must have tried to wake her by licking her hands and face for they still felt wet. It still took Natasha a few more moments to shake off the nightmare. She rolled over before remembering, that the space beside her on the bed would be empty. Steve was on a mission and wouldn't be back before the next afternoon. She turned back to Akela who still met her gaze expectantly, just as if he wanted to make sure she was alright.

"It was just a dream, Akela. I'm sorry if I've woken you. Or scared you," she murmured softly and extended a hand to pet his head.

Akela whimpered softly and stepped even closer to the bed, yawning once. He seemed genuinely worried and the look alone made Natasha's heart ache once more. Just like Sezja.

Natasha lifted her blanket. "Come here. Steve doesn't have to know, does he?" She needed the warmth of a living body beside her. Since Steve wasn't there to comfort her, she figured Akela wouldn't object to step in for the night. And she was right. The dog jumped onto the bed and cuddled against her, his head on the pillow. He seemed more than content. Natasha smiled and laid one arm around him. "I promise you, I'll never let you down. You're family, so I'll fight for you if I have to."

Akela didn't seem to have heard her, since his soft snoring filled the dark room.

* * *

2\. A/N I apologize for every onion-cutting ninja and tissues needed. Really, I do. Cookies?


	18. Heal (083)

A/N Here is another oneshot for you guys, taking place after "Breaking the Rules". Just one thing: I spend my weekend at a literary workshop where we talked about our texts. Part of those guys seemed to like what I wrote, the other part... let's just say I really appreciate every one of your reviews and every one of you who reads my stuff and enjoys it. So if you want to make my day, maybe you'll find a minute or two to leave me a review :)

Invader Johnny: Of course she is, but Akela can't know her that good already, can he? ;)

Unicorn brownies: As I said, I'm really, really sorry for that! Cookie?

* * *

Title: Heal (prompt #83)

Characters: Natasha, Clint (friendship)

Word count: ~1820

* * *

Natasha stepped out of her bathroom, drying her red hair with a smaller towel. It still took her some time to accustom herself to the proceedings at SHIELD. At the Red Room there was barely something like spare time and after she decided to go on the run and make a living by selling her skills to the highest bidder, there wasn't much time for herself, either. Now, at SHIELD, she still had tests so Fury and Coulson would know exactly what she could manage and where her strengths lay, but she also had a lot of time just for herself. Time when she could do whatever she wanted. It was awkward and more often than not Natasha didn't know what to do other than continue her training and staying in shape.

A soft knock on her door let her look up. Another welcomed change. Now people knocked before entering her room and she could tell them no, if she wanted to. And most of all she had a room just for _herself_. Being used to sleep in a dormitory since she could think, that really was a nice change. Natasha threw her towel aside and stepped to the door to open it.

"Hi," Clint greeted her with a smile, his hair in its usual disarray. "Coulson told me you'd be done for today, so I decided to skip marks training. What would you think of the two of us grabbing something to eat? You must be hungry after your test."

"Sure." Natasha shrugged and took her sweat jacket with the SHIELD emblem on the chest from a nearby chair. "What's on today's menu in the mensa?"

Now it was on Clint to shrug. "Dunno. I thought more of going out, you know? Hill mentioned you didn't leave the facility once since you're allowed to, so I thought I'll show you something of Washington. There's a steakhouse not far from here. It's really good."

"I, uhm… I don't have any money yet," Natasha answered with an almost apologizing smile. "My first check isn't due until Fury thinks I could be a fully-fledged agent."

"So what?" Clint shrugged again. "I'll invite you. Come on, you need to get out once in a while. And you won't regret it, I promise."

"Fine. Give me one minute, Barton." Natasha tossed the jacket toward Clint, grabbed a jeans and a clean shirt from a drawer on the wall and vanished again in the bathroom to change. Partly she was glad that Clint offered to take her out; she really didn't want to stay in the facility 24/7. But on the other hand she was afraid of how the agents would react towards her. Some of those that had tested her knew she was from Russia and not all of them were only friendly towards her. Probably they feared she would sell them out at any minute and she couldn't blame them; she would think the same about any American intruding the KGB.

Ten minutes later they stepped through the front doors, walking along the street. Natasha buried her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket and held her nose in the wind. It was loud and noisy as in any bigger city but she really enjoyed it. Being outside, being far away from Russia, the KGB and the Red Room.

"See? It's good to be outside, isn't it?" Clint asked with a knowing smile and gently slipped an arm in the crook of her elbow. "We should do that more often, you know? There are so many places I could show you and Laura would probably knock me out if I let you be buried inside the facility."

"I wouldn't have thought she liked me. Laura, I mean," Natasha answered with honesty, a tiny smile playing on her lips. She didn't shrink away from Clint's calming touch.

The archer chuckled lowly. "Well, let's say if it wasn't for little Cooper, we would have had much more work persuading her to let you stay. But the little guy just loves you; she can't argue against that."

"I honestly don't know, why," Natasha replied. "I don't know how to act with children; aside from the younger girls, I seldom had contact with them."

Clint looked as he was about to say something but quickly shut his mouth again. "Maybe you're just a natural. Or it's Cooper who brings out this side of you. Laura told me he crawled in the guestroom, looking for you. Maybe you should come visit us again soon."

"I… I don't think-"

"Hey, I won't force you! Just think about it. You're welcome at the farm, you know that, right?"

Natasha nodded. "Of course." She did believe Clint that she could come and visit whenever she wanted to, but it was still something knew. To have something like a home.

Clint let go of her arm and opened the door to a steakhouse. Inside, he waved at the waiter and slipped in a booth in a corner after helping Natasha out of her jacket. "Here." He threw her one of the menus. "Choose whatever you like. As I said, I'll invite you. The angus steaks are really good, just so that you know."

"Thanks." Natasha opened the menu, slightly overwhelmed by the sheer variety of dishes. "I guess I'll just stick with the angus steak you recommended."

"Good choice for a start." He winked at her, calling the waiter to their table and ordered both meals. "Soo… How was your test? I hope you kicked Rumlow's ass on the mats."

"Rimlow's and Morse's and Hill's… and some other agents whose names I forgot." A proud smile appeared on her lips for a split second. Then she shrugged and added: "I'm the best."

"You're one of the best," Clint corrected with a grin. "Hill probably just had a bad day. She isn't one of Fury's closest for nothing."

"Yeah, probably." Natasha accepted her plate with a nod and started eating. Clint was right, it was really good. It was quiet while both ate and Natasha only spoke up again, when her plate was empty. "What do you think when I'm able to go out in the field? I'm feeling useless with just sitting around. Aside from all those tests, of course."

Clint shrugged and stroked his belly. "Soon, I guess. Man, I'm full, but I really need one piece of their chocolate cake. Laura's gonna hate me for eating it without her, but she doesn't need to know. You want one piece of it, too? I feel generous today."

"No, that's… that's fine. I need no dessert." Though Natasha loved chocolate and too gladly she would try this cake, but it wasn't that easy.

"What, you don't like chocolate? Because there's always space for chocolate." Clint eyed her with a scrutinizing gaze which Natasha returned firmly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not used to be offered a dessert. In the… In Russia, we girls only got one warm meal each day. Same portion, big enough so we weren't hungry. For a while I shared it with a dog. But no sweets. I like chocolate but… I don't know. It was always something almost sacred to me since I next to never got it."

"But you can get it now. And you will never be hungry again, not when you work for SHIELD. Trust me, otherwise I would have gotten away a long time before." Clint signalled the waiter to bring to portions of chocolate cake before turning back to Natasha. "Alright, maybe this seems like I wanna hit on you, but trust me, I don't; you could be my little sister, after all. Friday evening there's a dance night in one of my favourite bars and-"

"No." Natasha's voice was sharp, her eyes cold. "I don't dance."

Clint blinked surprised. "Well, that's an answer." His look grew softer the longer it was focused on the girl opposite of him. "What the hell did they do to you, Nat?"

"They trained me," she answered shortly and crossed her arms before her chest as if to warm or protect herself. "I'm sorry, Clint, but I will never dance again."

"That's sad. Dancing can be relaxing, you know? Comforting even. It's sad they took that away from you."

Natasha only shrugged, averting her gaze.

Clint circled the table to sit next to her and gently laid an arm around her shoulders. "Look, I can't even imagine what you've been through and I won't tell you otherwise. But I know that whatever they've done to you, you will heal. It might take some time, yes. But you will. And I will help you wherever I can. So if you want to talk about it, I'm there for you, alright?"

Natasha nodded silently, leaning ever so slightly into his embrace. "They made me a monster. I killed the two only friends I ever had just so that I could live. I don't even know why Laura let me stay."

Clint stiffened only for a second. "Now you have two more friends. Three, if you want to count Cooper. Coulson will trust you with time and Fury already likes you, though he might never trust you. He's not the type of guy to trust someone, you know?" He waited for her to nod before he continued. "And let me make something very clear, Natasha. You _are not_ a monster. Whatever they did to you and whatever you did in the past, you're not a monster, alright? You _chose_ to leave them because of what they asked you to do. You _chose_ to join SHIELD to do something good."

"You saved me. I can never make that up to you. I don't like being in debt."

"But that's what friends are for," Clint responded with a smile. "We help each other and there is not something like being in debt. But if you do want to repay me, you can start with accepting me as your friend. I'll even play the bigger brother to ward off the guys who're just after your looks, you know?"

A quick, sad smile flickered over Natasha's face. "I don't think there will ever be a guy who is after something else. Love is for children."

"That they taught you too, huh?" Clint huffed in annoyance and shook his head. "Just wait until the right one stumbles your way with his old-world charm or something like that. We'll talk then. But, well, first he has to get past me, of course."

"Of course." Natasha smiled, the tiniest but honest smile. She didn't know how Clint did it, but he had his way of cheering her up or at the very least giving her hope.

"Good. Then now we can enjoy this great chocolate cake. Remember, don't tell Laura about it." Clint winked at her and pushed one of the plates towards her before starting to eat.


	19. Emulate (112)

A/N I'm sorry, I'm kinda late this week. Since you seemed to like the Clintasha friendship, I'll try and make some more of those. But here's a little more of Mommy Spider ;)

Invader Johnny: Yeah, I think without Clint there wouldn't eer have been a Natasha Romanoff, let alone Agent Romanoff. I really love those two together

Unicorn brownies: Why, thank you! :D

WidowInBlack: Thank you very much for your support! If you like this almost as much as the Bucky-shot, then I guess I really did it. And here is chapter 19 by the way

* * *

Title: Emulate (prompt #112)

Characters: Natasha, Sarah, Steve

Word count: ~1510

* * *

Natasha sat in her favourite armchair, a merry fire crackling in the fireplace. She was reading Tolstoi again while Sarah coloured at the coffee table. It was a quiet evening, November rain falling outside and saturated the night with a soft, comforting sound. Steve was away for the time being since Fury had called him to headquarters to lecture the new recruits about teamwork. Once they graduated from the Academy with its pressure to perform, teamwork was the ability they possessed the least likely.

"Mommy?" Sarah's voice was careful as if she didn't quite know whether she wanted to say something or not.

Natasha raised one eyebrow for a second before putting the book aside. She knew that voice and she also knew that it seldom meant something good. "What's up, sweetie?"

Sarah now put her crayon aside and turned so she could fully look at her mother. "I want to learn dancing. Ballet."

Natasha worked hard so her face didn't show the horror she felt. Instead a gentle curiosity played on her features, though her eyes flickered for a moment. "Where does that come from?"

Sarah squirmed slightly under her mother's gaze. "Maybe I heard daddy and Uncle Clint talk about your ballet lessons when you were little. But I didn't eavesdrop on purpose! I wanted to get some water when I woke up and they were talking in the kitchen." She looked honestly embarrassed; must be a trait of Steve's.

Now Sarah had Natasha's full attention. "What else did they talk about?" Oh, she would rip both of their heads off once she got a hold of them! Clint must have been here the night she met with Pepper and Maria; no wonder Steve had been so eager to shove her out of the door.

Sarah shrugged, obviously relieved she wouldn't get any trouble for eavesdropping on her father and her uncle. "Something about a red room but I didn't understand what was so important about that. And some things more I didn't understand." She hesitated for a moment before asking again: "Can I take dancing lessons? Please? I promise to work really hard so that I can be like you."

"You want to be like me?" Natasha could have laughed and cried at the same time at those words. She would do _everything_ so her daughter wouldn't have to be like her. She should be warm and carefree and without a dark past that left her quivering in the nights. "Why would you want to be like me?"

"Because you're strong and brave," Sarah stated matter-of -factly. "I want to be that strong and brave. And if you danced when you were little, I want to learn too."

"Look, Sarah," Natasha started with a sigh, struggling to phrase a G-rated version of her past. "I was very young when I started to learn ballet. And I never wanted to. You know, my parents died early and I came into some sort of foster home. There they taught me do dance ballet and after your Uncle Clint took me away from there, I never danced again. I didn't have a good time there. There was a lot of rivalry between us girls; only the best could- well, continue, I guess. The teachers demanded a lot and whenever I tried to just wing it, I had to dance for hours straight. I wouldn't want you to go through the same, Sarah."

Sarah mulled the information over in her head. Then she scrambled on the armchair into Natasha's lap and snuggled close. "I'm sorry what happened to your mommy and daddy. Do you miss them?"

"That's a difficult question. See, I was very little when they died. Younger than you are now. I barely remember them. But sometimes I wish I still had them. When I was pregnant with you, for example. I would have liked to talk to my mother about everything I went through since I couldn't ask anybody. Sure, your Uncle Bruce could answer all my questions concerning your or my health but that wasn't the same."

"But you could ask Aunt Laura. She knows how it is to be pregnant."

Natasha chuckled. "You're right. And she did help me."

"But just because your dancing school was bad, mine doesn't has to be."

"And there I thought I'd got you distracted." Natasha sighed. "Let me talk to your father first, alright?"

"Okay. Love you, Mommy."

"Love you too, sweetie."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?"

Steve flinched at Natasha's voice. It wasn't like she had been screaming, but the low tone made it sound all the more dangerous. He had just stepped inside their bedroom, tired from the evening at HQ. A murderous wife was not what he had anticipated. "Thinking about what?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe talking about the Red Room when your _daughter_ sleeps almost next door? You _know_ that she's a twitchy sleeper. Today she came to me wanting to learn how to dance ballet because she heard you and Clint talk about my past. Why?"

"I was worried about you. You seemed… off lately and I asked Clint because I thought it could have something to do with your past. You never told me much about it and-"

"With good reason! Steve, I have my _reasons_ not to talk about my past. I don't want to visit those places again, not even in my mind, and I certainly don't want my daughter to know that I killed children younger than her. And ballet! I can't even watch a performance without smelling the training room again and feeling the wood beneath my feet." Natasha fell on their bed, all anger vanished. Suddenly her voice was very quiet. "I don't want Sarah to be like me."

Steve approached Natasha, carefully as to not cause another fit of rage. "No, you don't want her to be like your past self. And that she will never become, because she has not only us but a whole family of superheroes who love her. But I would be more than happy if she grew to be as strong and beautiful as her mother. So why not let her learn ballet? She will quit soon enough, she's still young."

"What if she makes the same experiences as I did?"

"Like what? Being trained to be an assassin? Nat, don't be ridiculous." Steve finally sat down beside her, laying an arm around her shoulders to pull her towards him. "Why don't you go with her on her first day? Take a look around. If you or Sarah don't like it there, we can look for another school." He was quiet for a moment, then he continued in a lower voice. "You won't be able to protect her from everything. Let her make some experiences. Let her fail. As long as she knows that we are there for her, she won't be damaged. She is your daughter after all. Let her pursue her dreams."

Natasha sighed and leaned into his embrace. "I hope she hates it. I really hope she does. For all I care Tony can finally buy her a pony if that stops her from ballet."

Steve chuckled. "Now you're on Tony's side? You really have to be desperate."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Alright, Sarah, remember: I'll be just outside and wait for you. If you think that something is odd or if you don't like it here, that's alright. You can always tell me. Promise?"

"Promise, Mommy," Sarah responded with an eyeroll that seemed all too familiar. Her hand reached up to check if her bun was still in place; Natasha had done her hair when Sarah wouldn't stop asking for it.

"Good girl. Then off you go, have fun." Natasha watched the door of the training room close in front of her. Memories of her childhood flooded her mind.

"You're not like the average mother," the soft voice of a woman in her fifties pulled her out.

Natasha blinked once. "What do you mean?"

The woman shrugged. "Most mothers bring their daughters here because they want them to be as good as themselves. Others just want their girls to have fun and couldn't care less about dancing because they never danced themselves. The way you hold yourself tells me you've danced before. But you don't seem too eager to let your daughter be here… Where have you learned? Europe?"

"Russia," Natasha answered.

"That explains a lot." The older woman nodded thoughtfully. "Hard training there. Don't worry, we don't train the girls to dance Odile at the age of ten. They are here to have fun."

"Figure the career-moms don't like that."

"No." A smile was flashed at Natasha. "You can watch if you want to."

Natasha nodded. "Thank you." She waited until the older woman – the teacher – had stepped inside the room, then she resumed her place at the glass panel of the wooden door. Sarah smiled while doing the first exercise. A smile played on her own lips and for a moment Natasha could believe that dancing ballet would do Sarah good.


	20. Regret (097)

A/N Here's another one-shot of Clintasha friendship for you guys. Don't you think that everyone should have a Clint?

Invader Johnny: That's right. And yeah, ballet is hard labour though I never started it. They would have kicked me out the first day for constantly tripping over my own feet...

WidowInBlack: I really like to surprise my readers, especially if it's a pleasant surprise. There probably will come more of it, so there are at least one or two more oneshots concerning Sarah and / or Nat's past ;)

Unicorn brownies: Thank you very much ^^

* * *

Title: Regret (prompt #97)

Characters: Natasha, Clint (friendship), feat. Steve

Word count: ~1095

* * *

Natasha and Clint were occupying one of the large sofas Tony had scattered in front of the giant TV screen, between them a large bowl of popcorn and debating whether or not watching the new thriller. Steve cleared his throat to have them look at him. "Well, what do you say?"

"Looks good", Natasha answers with a shrug and a smile. "Sharon will like it."

"You serious? To where are you taking her? Maybe the suit coat is a little bit too much, you know?" Clint noted with a frown.

"He's taking her to a high-end restaurant. Don't worry, Steve, you look fine. Have fun tonight and do nothing I wouldn't do too, alright?" Her words had the desired effect when Steve started to blush. Natasha couldn't stifle a chuckle. "It's a joke, Steve. I know you're not the type of guy to get laid at first date. Still, I put some condoms in your pocket."

"Are you serious?" Steve frantically searched his pockets, finding nothing of course.

Clint laughed openly. "Geez, Nat, you're cruel. Let the poor boy alone, he's nervous as he is." Then he turned back to Steve. "She hasn't, I promise. And now off you go, I expect full report when you return. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," Steve answered with a smile and walked towards the elevator to leave headquarters.

It was quiet for some more minutes until Clint huffed.

"What? Not the thriller?" Natasha already rolled her eyes at the prospect of having to agree on another movie.

Clint turned around to focus on her. "How comes Steve has a date? He doesn't get dates, he's too shy. He barely speaks with you. Well, given, maybe he's just scared shitless of you; I wouldn't blame him. So, how comes he's going dining with that what's-her-face and you are sitting her, watching a movie with your old friend?"

"You'd say you're old?"

"That's not the point right now. Spill."

"Well, currently we don't watch a movie, so-"

"Natasha." Clint's voice now sounded somewhat threatening.

The Russian spy snorted. " _Fine_. I got him that date, alright? She's not the first one I pushed him to but the first one he agreed on seeing. Fury assigned her to watch over him and she lived on the same floor for a while. So why shouldn't they go out? He needs a girlfriend."

"Hmm." Clint popped some popcorn into his mouth. "And what about you fawning all over him?" he managed to ask with his mouth full.

"I'm not fawning over him! He's a friend, that's all." Natasha shrugged again, finally pushing play.

"Oh come on, Nat. I'm not your honorary older brother for nothing, am I? You have a crush on America's Golden Boy and that since this Chitauri attack! Just admit it." A victorious smirk played on his lips.

Natasha threw the remote control with more force than necessary on the coffee table. "What if I did? It wouldn't change anything. Sharon… She's nice. She'll be good for Steve."

"She's nice," Clint spat. "That sounds like you have nothing nice to say about her at all." He eyed her for a moment more closely. "You do like him, don't you?"

"So what?" Natasha knew he wouldn't budge, not today when there was a chance to get some intel on her he could use in his talks with Laura. Fine. "He deserves better than me. I mean, come on, Clint, you know some of the things I did in the past. Bad things. And those probably weren't even the worst ones. I can't give him the family with the Labrador and the house behind the white picket fence he so deserves. So why should I deny him finding his happiness with another woman? And by the way, he doesn't want me to be anything more than a friend."

"How can you know?" Clint asked softly.

Natasha shrugged nonchalantly. "He told me so. When we were running from HYDRA within SHIELD, I asked him what he wanted me to be. It was after I kissed him on the escalator so Rumford wouldn't detect us and he asked me if you would get angry because of the kiss."

"Angry that you assaulted him? How could I?"

"Either way, I asked him and he told me he wanted me to be a friend. Just a friend. So if he doesn't see more in me, I can't force him." Natasha shrugged again as if it hadn't hurt her. As if it wouldn't still hurt her.

Clint scoffed. "If he can't see more in you, he's blind. You're the only one to make him blush while he actually enjoys it. And don't think I wouldn't notice you flirting with him because I do. Hawkeye, remember?"

"Oh please, I bet you talked to Laura about some assumptions you might had and then she told you what she believed it was." Natasha rolled her eyes. "You're a good marksman, but you suck at relationships that aren't yours."

Clint huffed. "That's not the topic at hand. Come on, Nat. There might come a day when it is too late to confess your feelings. Don't you think you'll regret it if you don't tell him?"

"I know I will. But I can't be that selfish. Not with him." She shrugged and gave him a small smile. "I'll be content with just being his friend. That's something, isn't it?"

"You've changed," Clint observed and cocked his head. "He's changed you. And you seem to like it."

"When I'm with you, Laura and the kids, I feel human again. Like I didn't commit any of those crimes. Like I could be happy in a normal life. When I'm with Steve, I _want_ a normal life. I want to wake up beside him every morning and I want to go to sleep beside him. I want to look in those blue eyes of him and feel save and loved. I want him to love me. Not like a sibling like it's between the two of us and not like a close friend like I feel for the rest of the team. Goddammit, I sound so naïve!"

"Language," came the quiet reminder from the elevator.

Natasha turned around so quickly her neck almost snapped. "Steve! You… What are you doing here?"

"I forgot my wallet." Steve cleared his throat. "You, ahem… You want to-"

"No," Natasha cut his word and grabbed her beer bottle after turning back to Clint and the TV.

The doors of the elevator closed with a soft _ping_.


	21. Out Cold (084)

A/N It's funny, the last chapter had as much visitors as number 19 although the latter is one week longer online. It seems you guys really like the Clintasha friendship. By the way, we've reached a milestone: with the last chapter, one sixth of the challenge is already online. Thanks for staying with me and supporting this little experiment. And as always, if you have some ideas, just tell me.

Unicorn brownies: I'm glad you like it :)

Invader Johnny: No, she isn't. Or she only does so seldomly.

WidowInBlack: Thank you, I'm happy you liked it. Well, in my imagination Steve didn't hear very much. He might have heard that she wants him to love her and that's why she doesn't want to talk about it; she's embarrassed about being so open and being caught in the process. But I imagine Clint with a smug grin on his face he might or might not regret later.

* * *

Title: Out Cold (prompt #84)

Characters: Natasha, Avengers family

Word count: ~ 1810

* * *

Hey Natasha, Dunno whether you heard what this doctor said but he's goddamn wrong. I know that. You're strong and you're gonna survive this. You understand me? That's an order! Coulson is next door, briefing the boys. They need you. The team needs you, Natasha. You know what'll happen while you're here? They'll start fighting over things like from where to get take-out. You know how Stark is. So, do me a favour, alright? You're working on getting better and I'll find that bastard who shot you so you can work him the way you like. That's a deal? Good. That doc only lets us get in here single-filed. Something about not riling you up. Well, I guess Coulson's done by now. Yeah, Clint's already pacing in front of your door. I'll let him in if that's good with you. Promise, I'll look after you later. Don't tell Clint, but I can't let my favourite agent succumb to boredom or her mental team mates, can I? Oh, and for the next months no missions alone with Rogers. Calling in back-up isn't a weakness.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Hey Nat. Fury and Phil took the others back to the Tower to give you some space. I take it as a compliment that I was allowed to stay. I was with Laura when Phil called me and shall tell you that she wishes you the very best. She would have come too, but Nathaniel's teething at the moment and there was no one to watch the kids. But Lila gave me a picture for you. She really adores you, you know? Please don't hit me, but it might've slipped me you learned ballet once. I know you don't dance anymore and no, I didn't tell her where you learned it. But since Lila daily points out she wants to be like you when she's grown up, she now wants to learn dancing. That's what she drew by the way. You and her dancing ballet. Your hair somewhat bites with the pink tutu, but I'll tape it to the wall nevertheless.

Oh, almost forgot! You remember Cooper's plush toy? The hawk? He told me to take it to you so, and I quote, you don't have to be afraid while you're in the hospital. He knows you hate it. Being here, I mean. He's seen me patching you together often enough in our kitchen just so you didn't need to go and see a doctor. By the way, Banner coaxed your doc into sending him every result of every test, so both he and Cho can take a second look. I bet Tony's already on it to remodel the Tower so you can get better there once you can be moved.

I just… Just please get better, okay? I don't wanna tell my kids that their Auntie Nat won't come to play anymore. And I know that it sounds like only my kids need you, but that's not true. I already told Cap it wasn't his fault you got hurt, but you know him. He's convinced we all should blame him, that he should have been faster and stayed at your side the entire time, but that's bullshit. I know he was fighting at the other side of the building and I also know you're one for stealth mode rather than bulldozing your way in. So you need to get better to kick his ass and tell him he's wrong, alright? Otherwise it'll destroy him…

Hell, I'm tired. Hope you're okay with me crashing on this chair? Just for one or two hours, I'm really wasted. No nightly flights for me any time soon. Goodnight, Nat. Don't worry, I'll keep my hearing aids in, so if something's wrong with you, I'll notice. And I stay here until the next guy comes in, so you won't be alone.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Alright, Natalie, I know we didn't start off the best way but come on. Faking an heart attack so you can avoid me visiting? Bad move, I'm hurt. Either way, I brought you some flowers. I could tell you I picked them, but once you take a look at them you know it was Pepper. And I really don't want to lie to a deadly assassin who might as well kill me in my sleep, even though said assassin might as well doesn't hear me right now. Pepper sends her regards, by the way. She has a lot to do at the company, otherwise she would have brought you the flowers herself. She told me to tell you that you could get your old job as her assistant back as long as you're not allowed in the field again. Don't worry, I know you're Fury's girl through and through. Just like Hill; neither of you did ever work for me. So once Bruce and Cho allow you to get back to field work, you can quit again...

I'm really not good with that kind of visits, you know? When my father was still alive, he continued visiting Aunt Peggy. Bet you didn't know that, huh? I knew Cap's girl, grew up with her as my honorary aunt. Much like you with Legolas's kids. When her dementia started, I hated those visits. I didn't like seeing her like that because I only knew her as a strong woman, kicking ass from dawn 'til dusk. It's the same with you. I never saw you with so much as a cold and it scares the living shit out of me to see you lying here. So, I know we're not exactly best buddies, but I really hope you get better soon. I'd rather have you in the Tower fighting with me over your vodka. And it _is_ fun once in a while, isn't it?

Well, you probably behead me once you're better but I'll tell you either way. This one time I hope the doctors are wrong and you can't understand what I'm saying. Ready? I did it. I took your gear and tinkered with it. I didn't even tell Bruce because he would've run to Pepper, like, immediately. But don't worry, I didn't break anything. To be honest, your Widow's Bites are probably even more powerful now. So once you're better we can test them.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Hello Natasha. I know it's been some weeks already but I didn't get to visit you sooner. Helen and I reequipped the medical wing in the Tower to be able to better care for you once you can be moved. I got the results from your last tests. Your condition hasn't changed since your myocardial infarction and your doctors here think it too risky to move you to another place. I know you can hear me, Natasha, so I'm telling you this only once. You have to _want_ to get better. Maybe this is another one of your fits about not deserving to be alive, so let me tell you one thing: you dying here would destroy more lives than it would may save. Do you understand? Tony's drinking all day long and spends all his time in his workshop to cobble something together to save your life. Thor's been to Asgard to convince his father to let you, a mortal, come to Asgard to profit from the medical care there. I haven't seen him since. Clint shuttles between his farm and the Tower and sleeps even less than before. He tries to be there for his family and at the Tower in case your conditions gets better or worse. He looks awful and Laura already called and practically begged me to knock him out so he gets some hours of decent sleep. And Steve… Well, that man is a mess. He scarcely leaves his apartment and I haven't heard him talk in a long while. He blames himself that he as the Captain should have taken care of you. We all told him it's not his fault, but since you're here for weeks without getting better… I think what he hates most is to be unable to do something. His powers don't help him here and that's what really eats him. And I… I miss having you and your sharp wit around. I try to look into the medical details to find a solution but so far…

So you see, you mean something to some people. Honestly, you mean a lot to all of us. So please, Natasha, you need to want to get better. I think even the Hulk is worried about you. He's more itchier since the incident and crankier. Every time some bad news reach us about you, he stirs in the back of my head, just like he just wants to smash something to relieve him. Since you showed us how to dance, he likes you even more. He's calmer when you're around and I really don't know what would happen if you… Well, you know. So, try to get better. We all want you back in charge at the Tower.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Hey Nat. I uhm… I know I haven't been here yet. I'm sorry about that, I just couldn't… It was my fault you got hurt. I shouldn't have let you go in there. And yes, I know you would have gone either way, but still. The others… Bruce told me to come here. His last visit was weeks ago but he kept track of your test results. He said… He said you're not going to get better. That there is no change in your condition for months now. That we should let you go. Clint and Tony both almost killed him for that, but he didn't say it light heartedly. I don't want him to be right, you know? I want him to be as wrong as a man can be. And I'm sorry I'm a goddamned coward. I should have been here earlier. To tell you I'm sorry all of that happened.

God, I really don't know what to say. I want to thank you. After I got out of the ice, everything was so new. But when I met you on the Helicarrier, you seemed so familiar. You were the best partner I could wish for within SHIELD and even though you jeopardized more missions than I can count, I know I'd never had that much fun with another partner. Although you were kind of annoying when you tried to get me a date. I'm glad I met you and I want to thank you for always keeping my back. No matter whether it was about one of Stark's parties or out in the field. I know you wouldn't want me to give everything up, so I won't. For you. And I'll never forget you. _The team_ will never forget you. We'll see each other again, I promise. And… Natasha? Nat? _Nat_!


	22. Mirror (075)

A/N Alright, I fell kinda sorry for the last chapter... Like, really. So, since it's near Chrristmas, here's another upload for you. It's not exactly fluffy fluff, but it's not nearly as dark as the last chapter. Instead we continue somewhat exploring Natasha's past with tying it in with her relationship towards her daughter. Plus, it's kinda long. You're up for that? Alright, then enjoy. By the way, WidowInBlack, this is for you ;)

Invader Johnny: Nope, she isn't. She really Isn't.

Unicorn brownies: Firstly, thank you. Secondly... I honestly don't know. Well, I do, but in my opinion she's rather getting worse instead of better. But I guess, technically you could read it either way.

WidowInBlack: I'm sorry! But simulatneously I'M kinda proud it's that good you did read it more than once to write a review. So thank you for that. It's okay to pretend it didn't happen; to be clear, I wouldn't want it to happen. So maybe I can make it up with this chapter? Some family fluff and the first part of your request-not-a-request ;)

* * *

Title: Mirror (prompt #75)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Sarah

Word count: ~2085

* * *

Almost two years after Natasha brought her daughter to the ballet school the first time, Sarah still went there. Natasha had hoped against hope that neither her nor Steve's stubbornness had been passed down to Sarah but to no avail. Since it had been Steve's fault Sarah had even learned about her mother having danced, he usually was the one to bring her there, pick her up and watch the performances. Not that Natasha didn't want to support her daughter in what she liked, but she couldn't stand being in that dancing school. It awoke t many memories Natasha would rather bury deep enough so they could never reach the light again. She kept asking Sarah how ballet went and she listened to her when she told her about what she had learned. But Natasha strictly refused to watch Sarah dancing. When Sarah practiced at home, Natasha went into the garden or started cleaning the bathroom. Both Steve and Sarah – though the latter couldn't express it as such – recognized Natasha's behaviour as evading technique, but neither said something about it. Steve knew it wouldn't be any good to push her but he couldn't stand watching her raising her walls against Sarah and himself whenever the topic _ballet_ came up.

Natasha clearly suspected Fury for helping Steve forcing her to face her demons. It took someone with his authority to change Captain America's strict schedule, but she would deal with him later. For now, she had to pick up her daughter. She cut Lola's engine on the parking lot and pulled the keys. She had _borrowed_ Coulson's car after he had told her one too many times how much he adored seeing Steve and Sarah interact. That man had a serious fanboy-problem. Still, she wasn't suicidal enough to risk even the slightest scratch. Neither Fury nor Steve could save her then.

Natasha pushed the large double-doors open and stepped into the hallway. The door of one of the training rooms opened and girls looking much older than Sarah walked out, chattering and laughing happily. Sarah's class seemed to be still going and instead of taking a seat on one of the uncomfortable looking chairs in the hallway, Natasha stepped into the now empty training room. Soft music still played from the speakers and it took her only a few seconds to identify it as a piece from Swan Lake. Memories of her graduation day flooded her mind. The part of Odile she'd mastered in a way that she could even have danced it while sleeping. The unintentional misstep she had hoped would get her out of the Red Room.

Natasha shook her head, looking for the stereo to turn off the music. Nothing. She remembered her first day dancing, only five or six years old. Spending the previous years since her parents' death in the facility being brainwashed. It had looked like fun before it became hard work. Before it had turned into a training to kill. Natasha remembered loving the ballet shoes, how nice and smooth the satin laces had felt on her skin. She also remembered the blood seeping through the material after having danced for hours straight. A punishment for her improvising instead of following the strict pattern. She remembered how the dark wooden floor had felt under her feet when dancing barefooted. How hard it had felt when she had lost her balance. She remembered the stony faces of the other girls reflected in the big mirror, most with cuts and bruises covering their bodies. Their lines thinning out the older they got. The Winter Soldier – no, _Bucky_! – pulling her out of one of the ballet rooms once to bring her to the shooting range, letting her disassemble and put back together various kinds of weapons. How the cold had crept onto her, clad only in her thin dancing garments. His metal hand, brushing her fingers when giving her another gun, had caused her to shudder. His cold eyes had observed her every move, forcing her to keep her facial expressions in check, to not let show how cold she really had been.

The anew start of Tschaikowski's Swan Lake pulled her back to the present. Before she knew it, Natasha slipped off her shoes and started dancing. There was no need to remember the steps; her body just knew exactly what to do. Her eyes closed while she twirled through the room, simply feeling the music. If she dared to think about it for only a second, it would probably scare her how much she liked it. Something that was so closely knit together with pain shouldn't feel good but it did.

With the last sigh of the violins, Natasha opened her eyes again. And met those of Sarah and her teacher. With something like embarrassment, Natasha put on her shoes again.

"That was fascinating to watch," the teacher said with a smile, letting go of Sarah's hand so the girl could run to her mother. "How long ago did you give up dancing you said?"

"About twenty years," Natasha answered calmly, her face almost expressionless. "I started when I was five. Or six."

"You danced Odile almost perfectly. Don't you think too that your mother is very good, Sarah?"

Sarah nodded quietly, observing her mother with questioning eyes. In that moment, she reminded Natasha a lot of Steve when he tried to figure her out.

"Come on, Sweetie. We need to bring Lola back to your Uncle Phil before he rips my head off and maybe your Dad's already done with work." Natasha smiled at Sarah and took her hand, hiding a smile when the girl pulled her towards the exit, already all bubbly about her dancing lesson.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha brought three bowls with ice cream into the living room, giving one to each Sarah and Steve before plopping onto the sofa next to Steve.

Steve thanked her with a smile, then turned to Sarah. "How was dancing today? I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up, Grandpa Nick had something important to talk to me about."

"It was great!" Sarah answered after gulping down a huge amount of ice cream. "I even got to see Mommy dancing. One day I wanna be as good as her."

"I bet you will be." Steve smiled but worry shone clearly in his eyes when he glanced at Natasha. "Did you know the song Mommy danced to?"

Sarah shook her head. "No. I think it was something difficult. It looked difficult."

"It was Swan Lake. Odile," Natasha offered, knowing that Steve wouldn't let go of this topic. So there was only one thing to do. One thing she exceeded in since leaving the Red Room. Running. "I need some fresh air. Be right back."

She put the bowl on the coffee table and headed for the garden where she took a seat on the Hollywood swing and moved it gently.

Not a full minute later Steve sat down beside her. "I told Sarah to finish her ice cream and brush her teeth before she could start watching her cartons." It was quiet for a while until he spoke again. "So you danced." It was a statement but his voice was still questioning. "Because you actually wanted to?"

"It was… It felt like the right thing to do. Look, I was really good at it back then. I was good at everything the Red Room did with us. But there is no joy for me in dancing." Natasha broke off trying to get herself back together. "Dancing ballet means pain to me. Physical and emotional. And still I danced today. That I don't understand."

"Do you fear that the Red Room brainwashed you into dancing whether you want it or not?" Steve asked gently, lying an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know what to think anymore. I always feared the Red Room instilled some sort of self-destruction-button within me. It was the same song I danced to on my graduation day. That day I really wanted to fail. The misstep just happened but I tried to fail the other exams. Madame B. let me graduate either way. Today I could have danced it without mistake if I hadn't danced for so long. That's what scares me most. That my body still knew what to do so that I didn't have to think about even a single step."

"Are you scared to be a danger to Sarah or to me?" Steve's voice was still soft, as if he couldn't imagine her hurting their daughter.

Natasha shrugged. "I don't know whether I can trust me anymore."

Steve gently kissed the crown of her head. "But I trust you. You won't hurt Sarah, you simply couldn't. And you won't hurt me. Look, I'm sorry I practically forced you to face this whole thing; I didn't intend to torture you. I just thought it might be good for you to deal with it."

"Maybe you weren't that wrong," Natasha answered with a shrug. "I guess I will need some time."

"Probably. But I'll be with you if you need me." Steve just held her for a long while, caressing her soothingly. "Will you tell me someday what you experienced in your childhood? How they managed to insert so much doubt into you? I want to understand you."

"Maybe someday. Maybe I'll tell even Sarah once she's old enough. I don't want her to be afraid of me, you know? She's more than I deserve. Both of you are."

"We had this talk so often, I have nothing new to say." Steve held her face gently in his hands. "I'm the lucky one between the two of us. And I'll take you dancing next weekend. No ballet, I promise. Only some rather classical music, if that's okay with you."

Natasha managed a little smile. "And Fury can spoil Sarah a whole evening. I'm looking forward to it."

"Alright." He kissed her softly. "And maybe you should talk to Sarah later. She seemed confused when you left so suddenly."

Natasha only nodded and stood up from the swing. "I'll bring her to bed and talk to her then. Wanna see a movie afterwards and not really watch it?" It wasn't the usual smug playing on her lips, but it was near enough for Steve to know that she wasn't as rattled anymore.

"Did I ever say no to that?"

"No," Natasha admitted with a grin, kissed him again and walked back towards the house. Sarah sat in her pyjamas in front of the TV, watching an old episode of _Tom and Jerry_. "Come on, Sarah, time to go to bed."

"Okay." Sarah's voice was quieter than usual and instead of bargaining for some more minutes she followed Natasha without staring a discussion.

Natasha held the cover back so Sarah could lie down and then tucked her in. "I love you, sweetie," she whispered and gave her daughter a kiss before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Love you more," Sarah answered. "Daddy told me you're sad because you danced. Is this because of what you told me when I started?"

"I think yes. It's difficult for me to explain. What makes me sad most is that I didn't want to dance today. It just happened."

"But I do that too when I like the music. Don't you like Swan Lake?"

"Not particular, no. It was the song I danced to when I graduate from the dance school back in Russia, but I didn't want to graduate. In fact, I wanted to fail so I could run away."

"To where would you have run?" Sarah asked curiously. "To Uncle Clint?"

"No, I didn't know Clint at that time. To be honest, I didn't care to where I could have run. All I wanted was to be away. And I thought I came to terms with my past, but it seems like there are still some things I can't control. And that scares me."

"But did you enjoy dancing today?"

Natasha smiled. It always made her wonder how Sarah could concentrate on the positive side of an experience. Must be a trait of Steve's. "Maybe, but I'm not sure. I'm… confused."

"I think you should continue to dance." Sarah yawned and pulled her blanket further up. "But only if it makes you happy. Maybe you could dance with me. Maybe you'd like it."

"Let's find out another time, alright? Sweet dreams, Sarah."

"You too."

* * *

2\. A/N So, what do you think? As always, let me know if you want to read a contuniation of a previous chapter or if you have an idea for a oneshot I haven't carried out yet.


	23. Family (046)

A/N Well since it's Christmas in, like, one hour (at least in Germany) I thought I give you your little Christmas-Oneshot. I really hope you like it.

Invader Johnny: She probably would, yeah. But since everyone needs to cry once in a while, it'll do her some good, I guess.

Unicorn brownies: I'm glad you like it

WidowInBlack: Well, thank you very much. I'm happy you liked it and thank you again for putting the idea inside my head. The second part will also appear eventually ;) Yeah, the last chapter got posted rather spontaneous because I felt like posting another oneshot. I also wish you merry Christmas / Frohe Weihnachten / Schöne Fiertage ;)

That applies to all of you, really. I want to thank you for staying with me and this story for so long and I hope you'll stay with us even longer. I wish you a merry Christmas wherever you are and a beautiful time with your family. I know (trust me, I do) that the holidays can be really stressful, especially when the whle family who doesn't see each other throughout the year gathers this day. Still, enjoy your time and be grateful for having them around you. You have all the rest of the year to be annoyed ;)

Alright, but that's it for now! Enjoy.

* * *

Title: Family (prompt #46)

Characters: Natasha, Avengers family

Word count: ~2370

* * *

Natasha hated the Holidays. That is, since she had the possibility to celebrate them. Her first Christmas she had spent with Clint, Laura and Cooper and although all of them – little Cooper especially – had done everything so she could feel at home, she had rather felt like an intruder. Since then she had spent her Christmas at SHIELD headquarters, telling Clint that Coulson had given her way too much work for her to go and celebrate Christmas. Of course, that had never been true and Clint as well as Laura had known that. But they had never pushed her.

So Natasha had spent Christmas alone. Until she had joined the Avengers and Tony had insisted on hosting the most tacky Christmas party ever. After that she had made sure to be on another continent around Christmas time. Just this year she simply couldn't put Laura's invitation down. After their Civil War and subsequent reconciliation, Clint had decided all of them needed some time away from press and the public. That's why he invited all of the Avengers for the Holidays over.

Natasha only arrived on the twenty-fifth, later than anyone else. Until the last minute she had debated whether to attend or not. She loved the Bartons and she hated to disappoint the kids, but after the Civil War she was even more unsure, whether she had a place within the Avengers.

"You made it!" Laura gave her a brief hug and scanned her with a look that meant nothing more than that she would have some questions for Natasha later when they could talk alone.

"Yeah, I had some things to do first. That's why I'm late." The lie came over her lips easily. "You need some help in the kitchen?"

Laura grinned. "Not your kind of help, I can drink the wine by myself. But the kids were looking forward to see their Aunt Nat again, so why don't you take them outside? The other guys are somewhere around the farm, I really don't care as long as they are back for dinner."

"Oh, they will," Natasha answered with an eyeroll. "There's nothing to lure them in like food." She went over to the stairs. "Hey, someone there to build a snowman with their Aunt Nat?"

"Auntie!" Lila's answer came promptly and her little feet were to be heard, eager to reach the staircase before her older brother.

"Careful there." Natasha caught the girl and swirled her around while hugging her tight. She had _really_ missed the kids. Then she put her down and greeted Cooper with an evenly tight hug. "Wow, you've grown even bigger since last time. So, what do you think about a snowman? We have time till dinner."

The loud cheering was answer enough. Eagerly the kids ran away to put on their shoes.

"Don't forget to put on your hats and scarfs," Laura advised from the kitchen. "And take Nathaniel with you, will you?"

"Sure thing." Natasha went over to the living room, where Nathaniel played with some blocks. "Hey little traitor. I know we haven't spent much time till now. But your siblings liked me from the first moment, so maybe you take them as a role model. So, I'm your Auntie Nat and we will have much fun together, I promise. Come here." She picked him up and Nathaniel eyed her curiously for a moment, then he started to grab for her red hair. Natasha smiled. "Yeah, Cooper too was more than fascinated when he was as old as you are now. You wanna play in the snow?"

Nathaniel's enthusiastic sounding jabbering was answer enough for her, so she carefully helped him into his coat and boots before putting a knitted hat on his dark hair.

Outside, Cooper and Lila were already forming the base of the snowman together. Nathaniel, having just recently learned how to walk, pointed to his siblings. "Don't worry, the both of us will make the head, alright?" Natasha put the youngest Barton down and helped him forming a snowball to roll it around and make it bigger.

They worked in silence for a while, until an all too familiar voice interrupted them. "You need any help?" Tony stood on the porch, a steaming mug between his hands.

"You can help us make the middle part," Cooper offered with a shrug. "Do old people know how to build snowmen?"

Natasha chuckled while Tony theatrically reached for his heart. "Ouch. You know, you spend way too much time with your Auntie Red over there."

"He learns from the best." Natasha shrugged and didn't object when Tony abandoned his mug to form a snowball which would become the middle part of their snowman. After some time, Natasha asked: "Ahem, Tony? You do know that we need to get the parts on top of each other, right?"

"Why?" Tony's red face appeared from behind his globe, by now far bigger than the original bottom part. "We just need… Well… I'm sure there's an arc reactor somewhere here, right? Right?"

"No," Lila piped up, scrunching up her nose. "No one can lift that, it's too heavy."

"Well-," Tony started, but was quickly interrupted by Natasha.

"No, we're not going to poke Bruce until he turns green."

Tony pouted. "You're no fun at all. It's not like he's the Grinch. Fine." Tony crossed his arms and leaned against the giant orb. "Hey, Cooper? You can get Capsicle and Manchurian Candidate out here? Those two should be able to lift this monster."

"Who?" Cooper was visibly confused.

Natasha rolled her eyes and hoisted Nathaniel up on her hip, now that their globe had the right size to be the head. "He's talking about Steve and Bucky. But he's right for once, those two could help us. Lila, will you go with your brother? We still need a carrot for the nose." Once the children had vanished inside, Tony walked over to her, tickling Nathaniel who then tried to cuddle into her side so he couldn't reach him anymore.

"He's cute but don't tell Birdbrain. You know, I tried to find you. After… after what happened," Tony said in a voice as if he was still talking to the little boy. He gulped before looking at Natasha again. "We didn't have a chance to talk about what happened between us. I just… I just wanted to tell you that I understand why you did what you did. You saw the family, not the accords. And I were the usual prick. So, I'm sorry Natasha. We're… We're still a family, right? After everything."

Natasha looked at him for a moment, forehead creased. Then her eyes lost the steel and softened. "Sure we are, shell head. You can't choose family, after all, and in a family, problems happen. That's what Clint taught me. And if you can sit with Bucky at the dinner table, then I can accept your apology."

Only for a second flittered relief across his face, then he was back to old Tony. "Thanks. So, ahem… You're coming back to the facility? I kinda miss your early morning pre-coffee death glares."

Natasha was silence for a moment, acting busy with Nathaniel who wanted to get down to play more with the snow. "I don't know yet," she finally answered quietly. "It's not just about you though you like to believe that. But sometimes I get the feeling I don't deserve to be part of this family anymore. Because in a family, you trust each other. Who would trust a spy that practically betrayed everyone one way or the other?"

"That's not true. Well, yeah, you threw some of us under the bus, but you just did it because you thought it the right thing to do. Look, Red, I'm not good at those upbuilding speeches and I won't pretend otherwise. Come back when you're ready to do so. Your rooms are still there." Tony shut up the moment Cooper stormed outside again, Steve and Bucky at his heels.

"Well, where's your emergency, kiddo?" Bucky asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Cooper pointed to the two bigger globes. "You need to put them atop one another. They're too big for us."

Steve tried to suppress a grin but failed. "You spend too much time with the spies in your family, Coop."

"Right? That's what I told him." Tony let out an exasperated sigh but stepped happily aside, as the two super soldiers grabbed the middle orb and lifted it under some groaning.

"Mummy gave me a carrot and one of Daddy's old hats. And I took one of my scarfs, too." Lila came running down the few stairs of the porch and launched herself at Natasha.

The redhead caught the girl in time. "That's great. The guys are just done with setting the first piece atop. Now only the heads missing."

"Yeah, well, about that… we can put it on top," Steve said with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders. "You worked the other parts too well… it's gonna be a big snowman." He was right. The two globes already brushed his shoulders; without their strength thanks to the serum, they wouldn't had managed this task.

Natasha showed her trademark smirk. "I thought I showed you how to think out of the box, Rogers. Less soldier, more agent. Hold still." With only a few moves she climbed his back until she settled on his shoulders. Steve's hands grasped her legs tightly in case she lost balance. "Bucky, the head if you don't mind."

The former Winter Soldier rolled his eyes at being commanded like a dog but he knew better than to object. Carefully not to disturb Nathaniel playing close to the head, he picked it up and handed it to Natasha, who placed it atop the snowy tower.

"I wanna put in the nose in," Lila chimed up, hopping excitedly up and down.

"Sure thing." Steve put Natasha down and picked up Lila in return, propping her unto his shoulders the way Natasha had sat there before. Only did he hold Lila even tighter. Lila scrunched up her nose while trying to find the perfect place for the nose to put in. Steve waited patiently until Lila finally decided on a spot. Then she put the hat crookedly on the snowman and finally laid the pink scarf around his neck.

Bucky watched from the porch, having fulfilled his part and sipping on Tony's long cold mulled wine. "Does he have a name?"

"Olaf, of course!" Lila looked at him in a way as if she were disappointed he even had to ask. "He's a magical snowman and he likes to sing and he loves warm hugs. And he wants to know what summer's like." She lightly tapped on Steve's head to gain his attention. "Do you think he will see the summer?"

"Well, if he's magical… we'll need to see, though. Maybe he does." Steve carried Lila on her urging through the backyard, pretending to be a horse and galloping through the snow. Natasha picked the now tired Nathaniel up again and joined Bucky on the porch while Tony and Cooper contemplated the snowman, debating whether something was missing or not.

Bucky regarded her with a sideward glance. "Never thought the Black Widow to be one being great with kids."

Natasha shrugged. "It's easy being great with the Barton kids. Even Tony can do that. And I like being Auntie Nat instead of terrifying Black Widow." She smiled when Nathaniel leaned against her shoulder, one thumb stuck between his lips. "I know I cannot have this, so I enjoy my time her while it lasts."

"I know about the Red Room graduation," Bucky offered without looking at her. "And I'm sorry for the way I trained you."

"You don't have to." Natasha managed a smile and gently nudged him with her shoulder, careful to not jostle the toddler in her arms too much. "I mean it. As long as you got me a good present, you have nothing to worry about."

Bucky chuckled lightly. "If that's everything it takes, I should manage it."

"Don't mistake me for one of your 40's-girls. I'm not about to run after any guy."

"As Banner had painfully to learn from what I've gathered." Bucky nodded. "Don't worry, I've seen too much to have any illusions left."

"You forgive me for siding with Stark?" Natasha suddenly asked, looking down at Nathaniel as if she didn't care about Bucky's answer. "You and Steve?"

"You helped in the end, didn't you? I doubt we could have make it out there without you. So as you said, there's nothing to forgive. We all had to make a choice back then. But that's over now. We're restarting, aren't we? Well, you guys are. I'm just the rookie."

"A useful rookie," Natasha confirmed with a smile.

"Guys? Laura lets you know that dinner's ready. All kids shall wash their hands before sitting on the table," Clint called from one of the windows.

Natasha sighed and adjusted the now sleeping bundle in her arms to a more comfortable position. "You get the boys?" she asked Bucky. "I should bring the little guy to bed."

"Sure. We'll be there any minute." Bucky strode of to catch Steve and end the snowball fight between Tony and Cooper by helping the latter one.

Natasha went inside and poked her head in the kitchen. "Nate's out, I'll get him to bed. No, Laura, really, I like doing that. Don't worry. I'll be right back." She climbed the stairs to Nathaniel's room, adjacent to Clint and Laura's own bedroom. Carefully she peeled the boy out of his outside gear before putting him into the romper suit she found on the drawer. Finally, she laid him in his crib, the green plush fox she got him for his birth lying right beside him. "Sleep well, little traitor," she murmured softly, making sure he slept before she left the room. When she got downstairs, the others had already gathered around the table, laughing and sharing jokes while handing the food round. Natasha smiled when she took the last free seat between Clint and Fury. Finally she was with her family again.

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 **2\. A/N Well, what do you say? In Christmas mood now? By the way, I got a poll on my profile concerning your preferred update-date. Just let me know what day in the week you'd want to click on this site to find the newest chapter. ;)**


	24. Hold My Hand (035)

**A/N 2016 is almost over. Crazy year, huh? This will be my last update in 2016 and I hope to see all of you again next year, supporting this little collection. Again, please tell me all of your requests and prompts, I would be happy to deliver. And if you have one or two minutes to spare after reading this oneshot, please remember the poll I put up on my profile, asking about your preferred update-day. And should you still have a minute left, I'd really enjoy a review of yours.**

 **P.S. I realized there wasn't any Brutasha lately, so I decided to give you another one of those. Enjoy!**

 **Invader Johnny: That's true. Though thise guys really are a pain in the ass sometimes, I bet she couldn't wish for a better family.**

 **Guest: To be honest, only after reading your review and rereading the last oneshot I realized that one could indeed read it as a shipping moment. So, why not? What would be their shipname, though? Buckasha? Romarnes?**

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Title: Hold My Hand (prompt #35)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce (possible beginning relationship), feat. Tony

Word count: ~1805

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Bruce could hear Natasha's protest before Tony stepped in and practically dumped her on the ground of the quinjet. Her blood stained her black suit and it also was on the Ironman suit, intensifying its red colour, smearing the borders between red and gold.

"She'll tell you she isn't hurt but I saw her gotten hit by a sniper. Bad sniper as it seems, but still," Tony explained quickly. "Birdbrain would've brought her himself, but flying is quicker. See to it that she doesn't sneak out on the field again. We're almost done and we can't use an injured Red out there."

"So no Code Green?" A mix of relief and disappointment was heard in his voice; the latter part probably due to Hulk.

Tony smirked. "No. But if the situation changes, I'll let you know. In that case, you should probably knock her out. Big time."

"I can hear you, shell head." Natasha's voice sounded strained and she glared at Bruce. "Don't you dare try and knock me out."

"I won't if I don't have to," Bruce promised holding up his hands as if to show he wasn't armed.

Tony shrugged and let his face plate slide back into place. "I see, you'll two get along perfectly fine. I'll keep you updated. Good luck." Then he flew out again.

Bruce closed the quinjet's ramp with a push on the button and turned to Natasha. By now she had managed to sit on one of the seats at the sides of the jet. The fact alone that she didn't try to stand was more than Bruce needed to know about her injuries. "You got shot?"

"In the thigh. Should be three bullets if I counted correctly. Then there's a dislocated shoulder, a sprained ankle and about four bruised ribs. I'm too lazy to count the bruises and cuts." Natasha pulled a grimace when she touched her head with her uninjured hand. "And a concussion. But I don't have to puke. Yet."

"We'll patch you back together. Do you want to have a painkiller before I set your shoulder?" Bruce knelt in front of her, gently probing her ankle.

"No painkiller. I want to keep my mind together."

Bruce raised his brows. "I warn you, it'll hurt like bitch."

"Rogers would have you write an essay for using that kind of language," she reminded him with a crooked grin. "Don't worry, I can take pain. Where do you wanna start?"

"With your thigh. I guess I need to cut your suit open, with your shoulder I won't get you out of it the normal way." Bruce already looked for the utensils he would need to patch her up.

Natasha couldn't suppress a grin. "I didn't know you liked it the rough way, Bruce. I'll remember that."

Bruce blushed but didn't answer. "Are you sure you don't want some painkillers? You don't have to prove anything. I know you can bear more than any other woman I've ever met. I don't want to hurt you unnecessarily." Carefully he cut the suit on her thigh open to gain a better access to the wounds.

"Fine," Natasha sighed. "But if you knock me out, I'll kill you later."

"Thought so." Bruce smiled half-heartedly and gave her some pills and a bottle of water, before he started cleaning the wound.

Natasha bit her teeth together and fought against the urge to gasp. Only when Bruce turned around to reach for tweezers, she chucked down the pills. Setting the water bottle aside, she leaned back and tried to relax to make it easier for Bruce to take the bullets out.

"How did he manage to shoot you three times?" Bruce asked, remembering her statement earlier. He wanted to divert her thoughts. Bruce knew that Natasha had vetted herself in the past under much worse circumstances, but he wanted to make it as easy for her as possible. If he could have it his way, he would bring her to a hospital, but right now they didn't have the time. Though she should see a doctor afterwards to make sure she didn't get an infection. Out in the field he only could do so much.

"I tried to shoot him, but he was good at hiding. Better at hiding than at shooting, to be honest. That's why he only hit my leg. If I had been at his position, I would have taken him out with only one bullet. But that bastard was fast." Natasha's eyes were closed and one of her hands clasped the arm rest of her seat so that her knuckles were white. "I couldn't get away. It was stupid, but I got backed against a wall. Madame B. would have had my back whipped for that mistake. I managed to take out the men on the ground but not this sniper on the roof. Clint then shot him from behind with one of his arrows and one moment later Tony already swept in and flew me here. God, he'll never let me live down the fact that he saved me. I know we're a team and everything but he's smug enough as he is."

"Can't argue with that," Bruce murmured and got the last bullet out, letting it drop to the ground. "Who's Madame B.? I never heard you mention that name before."

Natasha was silent for a few minutes while frowning at herself. That's why she couldn't stand painkillers. Sometimes they made her brain muddy. "I can tell you if you never mention her again," she finally offered quietly.

Bruce looked up for a moment, contemplating her expression. By know he guessed this madame to be someone from Natasha's past and he knew all too well that she didn't like to speak about that time of her life. "Only if you want to tell me," he answered. "But if you do, I will take it to my grave."

"Hopefully not an early grave. We still need you around here." Natasha took her time to collect her thoughts. "Madame B. was the woman to train me in the Red Room. Every time one of us made a mistake, this girl had to pay. I didn't make many mistakes, but I'm sure I have some finer scars on my back stemming from her whip. She was brilliant at punishing in a painful way that wouldn't leave marks too obvious. We should be able to seduce later, so too obvious scars would be rather obstructive."

"Well, I hope my skills won't leave scars too hideous," Bruce answered, cutting off the end of the thread he had used to close the gash.

"I think you did fine," Natasha reassured him, examining the fissure. "What next?"

"First I want to check on your concussion. You said you don't feel particularly unwell. Is that still the case?" Bruce knelt in front of her to be able to observe her pupil's reaction to light.

"Yes." Natasha met his gaze and slightly cocked her head. "Ever been told you have beautiful eyes?"

"Not by someone suffering from a hit to her head, no." Bruce's answer sounded absent-minded. "Is your vision obstructed? Like looking through a tunnel?"

"No. I'm fine, Doc. Really."

"Okay, I'm gonna believe you for now. Let's reset your shoulder next. I can't do much about your bruised ribs and the only thing your ankle can do is swell. But I need to get your suit off your arm. Do you think we can manage that?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Natasha pulled the zipper on the front down with her good arm but grimaced when she tried to get her arm out of her sleeve. "Can you give me a hand?"

"Sure." Bruce carefully helped her out of the suit and then examined her shoulder carefully. "On the count of three. One. Two." Without blinking he pulled at her arm to let the joint spring back to its original position.

Natasha could neither suppress a moan nor a string of Russian curses that would have left Steve coloured a deep red. "You're a cruel man, Banner."

"Sometimes, yes," Bruce agreed instantly and positioned her arm in front of her body. "Hold it there for a moment, I get something to secure it." He looked around for a moment before deciding to take one of Tony's many spare shirts and rip the fabric apart. From the stripes, he knotted a sling which he laid around Natasha's neck so it could support her hurt arm. The rest of the shirt he used to bandage the thigh wound. "This will do until we get you to a hospital."

"Thank you." Natasha smiled at him, relieved of the pain in her shoulder. It still throbbed but she knew from experience that it would not take too long until the pain faded.

Bruce again knelt in front of her, carefully unlacing her boot and slipping it off, only to start probing her already swollen ankle gently. "We can cool it until the others are back. There are some gel packs in the fridge."

"Sure." Natasha shrugged and stayed on her seat while Bruce rummaged through the fridge to find the gel packs. With them and a blanket he finally returned to Natasha. Gently he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and tied the cool packs to both sides of her ankle so they wouldn't slip away. "Stay," she pleaded when Bruce attempted to give her some space. As if she felt an explanation was necessary, she added: "You're warm."

"Well, the gamma has to be useful for something." He smiled at her and took a seat beside her, laying an arm around her petite frame to share the warmth of his body. Natasha snuggled into his side, pulling her feet up on the seat. Only hesitantly he pulled her closer, laying both arms around her.

"I hate to be the one someone has to take care of," she confessed quietly. "I hate it to show weakness. But it's okay if you're the one seeing me this way."

Bruce was startled at her words and scrambled for a response. "While I'm hoping it won't be too often that I have to patch you up, I'm glad you trust me this far. And if you need someone to talk about you're past, I will listen. No one will know what you told me, I promise."

"Thank you," Natasha said again, reaching for his hand with the one that wasn't trapped in the sling. She gave a slight squeeze and didn't let go. When the rest of the team reassembled in the quinjet nearly one and a half hours later, they found the spy sleeping at the doctor's side, the latter leaning his cheek on the crown of her head, listing on her every breath.

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 **2\. A/N Since I forgot it at the beginning: I wish you a happy new year and all the luck and health in the world. Stay safe.**


	25. Fairytale (061)

**A/N I hope you came good into the new year or at least better than I did. Let's just say I sound like Ultron who smoked too much and I don't even smoke. That's why I decided to start with something very sweetly and fluffy: some babysitting Fury ;)**

 **Invader Johnny: Yeah, I really neclected Brutasha for some time, I'm sorry about that. Better remind me to do it more often if you're interested in them ;)**

 **WidowInBlack: Thank you very much! It's funny because I'm not the biggest Brutasha-shipper either but every time I write this paring, I kinda like it a little bit more for some time :D**

 **Unicorn brownies: Thank you :)**

* * *

Title: Fairytale (prompt #61)

Characters: Sarah, Fury, feat. Natasha, Steve

Word count: ~1790

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„Thank you for stepping in," Natasha greeted Fury after she opened the door for him. "Pepper promised to take her today but there seems to be some trouble at SI she has to look into."

"Not a problem. I offered to babysit, remember?" Fury gifted her with one of his rare smiles and closed the front door behind him. "Besides, SHIELD will still be there tomorrow if there isn't some sort of crisis. And if there is one, Hill can deal with it. I'm spending time with my granddaughter tonight."

"Still, thank you." Natasha led him into the living room where Steve put on his dress shoes.

"Grandpa!" The toddler next to Steve scampered down the sofa and ran full speed at Fury who – thanks to his long years as an agent – caught her in time when she leapt in his arms and hugged her tight for a moment. "Mommy said you'll come 'cause Auntie Pepper doesn't have time."

"Yeah, well, Pepper has probably too much to do with cleaning up the mess your Uncle Tony made," Fury answered. "But the two of us will have some fun, right? Nice PJs, by the way." He nodded to the pyjamas Sarah was wearing, printed over with Natasha's red hourglass.

"Clint got her those." Steve rolled his eyes. "He caught on o Tony calling Sarah the 'little spider'. Guess even in the 21st century Captain America can't be a girl."

"I'll be an even bigger superhero than you or Mommy when I'm big." Sarah hold her nose high with those words, eliciting a low chuckle from Fury.

"Sure you will, munchkin."

Natasha swept back into the room, done with her makeup and hair. She kissed Sarah's cheek while Fury was still holding her. "Alright, Sarah, Mommy and Daddy will go to their dinner reservation. When we're back you'll be already in bed, but I'll still check on you, okay? And Nick will stay until we get home so you won't be alone." Once Sarah nodded and leant trustfully against Fury's shoulder, Natasha turned her attention to him. "Don't let her have too much sugar or you won't get her into bed in time. She can stay awake a little longer than usual to spend time with you, just don't overdo it. And if something happens, I have my phone with me."

"She's not the first agent I watch over, Natasha," Fury reminded her gently. "Sarah can't be more work than Clint and you. And if it comforts you, I'll call you if something happens, but I won't interrupt your and Roger's wedding anniversary for a full diaper."

Sarah frowned. "I don't wear diapers anymore."

"You don't? You've really grown, little miss." Fury turned to Steve who had his gaze admiringly wandering Natasha's outfit. "Don't do anything stupid, Rogers. I'll hear about it."

Steve cleared his throat at being caught. "I won't. Sir. Thanks again for stepping in."

"No problem. No get out of here." He shooed the pair to the door, then pushed it shut again and turned the key. Better safe than sorry, especially when it was about his favourite yet-to-be agent.

"Is Daddy afraid of you?" It was more curiosity than worry in Sarah's voice.

Fury shrugged walked over to the sofa where he let her fall onto the thick cushions. "Sometimes. I was his boss once."

"Aren't you anymore?" She followed with him with her gaze attentively when he shrugged out of his coat and hung him over the back of a chair.

"Well… that's complicated," Fury answered when he returned to Sarah to sit next to her. Immediately, she climbed on his lap to sit there. He didn't know how much Sarah knew about her parents' jobs and he sure as hell didn't want to be the one to give her that kind of talk. "I'm not as much his boss anymore as I used to be."

"Why do you wear an eyepatch? Do you like playing pirate when you don't work?"

Fury chuckled at that. "No. I got hurt once and lost my sight on that eye. I just don't want people to pity me, you know? So, I wear an eyepatch to not show people how much I got hurt."

"Does it still hurt?" Sarah sounded honestly concerned.

It amazed Fury time and time again how deeply Sarah already cared for the people she deemed important. "It itches sometimes, but nothing too bad." Sarah nodded in response and yawned, but clasped quickly her hand over her mouth as to hide it. Fury smiled at that. "Time for bed, huh?"

"No, I wanna play with you. I don't get to see you often."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. There's a lot of work to do, y'know? But maybe you can visit me when your parents are working instead of going to your Aunt Pepper? Spend a day at the HQ and help me scare the rookies. That was always the part of her job your Mom loved most, I guess. And we could probably play some more when you're there."

"Uncle Tony is afraid of Mommy," Sarah stage-whispered with a big grin. "And Uncle Bucky too, I think."

Fury grinned. "Well, there was a time when _I_ was afraid of your mother. That's really not a shame, but understandable." He noticed another yawn of Sarah and prompted with a smile: "Why don't I bring you to bed and we play something together tomorrow?"

"Only if we play spy. And you have to tell me a story." Tired as she was, her voice didn't waver with her demands.

"You play spy with your parents?" Fury wasn't sure what to think of that. He doubted Natasha wanted to teach her daughter how to be a spy; she always emphasised how she wanted a normal life for Sarah. And Steve neither stroke him as someone who trained his daughter to be an agent or soldier.

Sarah leaned towards him as if telling him a secret. "Mommy and I play that a lot. We try to sneak up to Daddy and scare him. When Daddy's not home, we try to sneak up on each other. Mommy's better than I am, I didn't scare her once. But I get to scare Daddy a lot. He's a bad spy."

Fury did laugh on that one and hoisted Sarah up un his lip to bring her upstairs. "Yeah, your Dad's terrible at everything that has to do with espionage, trust me on that one. If I hadn't send your Mom with him, he would never have gotten things done. You've already brushed your teeth?"

Sarah nodded at his shoulder and let him put her into bed and tuck her in. "A story. Please," she remembered adding before Fury could tell her father. Not that he would, but Sarah rather played safe.

"Sure, kiddo. Here." Fury tucked the little bear with an eyepatch he got Sarah for her first birthday under the blanket too and then sat down at the edge of her bed. "What kind of story would you like?"

"Something with a happy ending. Not sad. Daddy watched Lion King with me and we both cried." Sarah pulled the teddy close to her and placed her chin on top of its head.

Fury filed the information away just in case he or Natasha needed it sometime and nodded thoughtfully. "I guess I have something for you. You're ready? Good."

 _Once upon a time, there lived a princess. Not a princess in a beautiful dress as you might think. She was a warrior princess and therefore she wore trousers and boots and a thick shirt and a sword on her waist. Or she would have done so if she would have been brought up by her parents. But she was born in times of war and because she had magical abilities though not very trained yet, the rivalling queen of the red kingdom let her steal away as a baby to bring her up as her own child. This queen also had magical abilities and taught the princess everything she knew. And so the princess turned from a little girl into a beautiful young woman.  
Throughout her young life, the queen sent her out to accomplish missions for her and since the princess had mastered her abilities, she never failed. But some day the princess grew wary. She suspected the queen to not be her mother – there were too few similarities between the two of them – but she said nothing. Instead she decided to run away on one of her missions. A hunter had been sent out to catch her and although he was the greatest hunter of the secret king from a faraway land, he decided to befriend her instead of simply pulling her with him. The princess didn't know who he was or for whom he worked, but she had never experienced friendship and she was hungry for that kind of love. So although she had been taught to not give away her trust, under no circumstances, somehow the hunter managed just that. He gained her trust and took the princess with him on her free will to bring her home again.  
But her old kingdom was no more. Not knowing where to turn to now and not wanting to go back to the lying queen, the princess asked the hunter for help. She wanted to atone for the things she had done in the past and wanted to become a better person. The hunter did not ponder for long. He took her to the secret king and although the secret king would like to give her a chance, he was not sure how big the influence of the lying queen was. But the hunter persuaded him to take the princess into his kingdom. And so he did it. And the princess found the family she had been looking for all her life. A family who loved her as she was and who did not try to change her. And in return the princess used her abilities to keep her family safe. Until today she has never seen the red kingdom again and so she lives happily ever after._

Fury smiled at Sarah's sleeping form, having her teddy pressed tightly onto her side. "Sleep well, little spider," he whispered and kissed her gently in the forehead. Whether he admitted it or not, but he had completely fallen for his honorary granddaughter. He knew Natasha and Steve wanted to raise their daughter to and independent woman, but he would knack in the chair in the corner either way, just in case she awoke during the night. Natasha and Steve should dare and try to reprimand him for doing so. Affection for his granddaughter definitely beat his fear of the Black Widow.


	26. Anguish (028)

**A/N Welcome back fellas! I hope you had a great first working week (at least it was my first working week of the year). It's snowing again and I'm just glad to sit at home with a blanket and a hot tea and write on this oneshots. Perfect way to spend a sunday if you'd ask me. I hope you like this one.**

 **Invader Johnny: That's right, but I really can't blame Fury for being a tiny bit afraid of the Black Widow. I mean, who isn't? :D**

 **mika repalda: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :)**

 **WidowInBlack: Thank you, I'm happy you liked it. Yeah, if it fits into the big reveal oneshot, I'll surely include a nod towards the fairytale :)**

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Title: Anguish (prompt #28)

Characters: Natasha, Laura (friendship)

Word count: ~1570

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The shower hadn't helped at all. Sure, Natasha at least felt clean again, but the soothing effect of the shower was missing. Maybe it was due to the cold water but Natasha suspected something different. Her conversation with Bruce kept playing on and on inside her head. She stayed in the little bathroom while towel-drying her hair, hoping to evade Bruce as long as possible. Finally, she slipped into Laura's fluffy bathrobe and listened for sounds outside. Nothing. Bruce must have left, whether immediately after their conversation or later she didn't know. What she knew, though, was that the sensation in her stomach was not only disappointment, but also hunger. There was a certain danger to run into Bruce in the kitchen, but Natasha hoped others would be there too so that she could slip in, pinch something to eat and be out again without him noticing too much.

Natasha made it down the stairs without a sound, but then her plan was being ruined. "Auntie Nat," Lila squealed again happily and ran towards her.

Natasha suppressed a sigh but smiled at the girl and hugged her back tightly. It was always a mixture between happiness and sadness to see Clint's kids. Happiness because she knew they loved her no matter what and they always were stoked when she came visiting again, although most of the time she was just recovering from missions instead of playing with them. Sadness because Cooper, Lila and soon Nathaniel were her only chance to ever experience something like motherhood. "You're okay with all these strangers running around?"

Lila shrugged. "They're nice. Mister Thor let me try to lift his hammer, but it's really heavy. And Mister Tony and Mister Steve chopped some wood outside, although Mom wanted Dad to do it."

"Your Dad will do something else, I'm sure." Natasha let Lila down again and made way for the kitchen, the girl trailing her.

"Can we play later today?" Lila's voice was suppliant, but Natasha detected the urge behind it.

If Natasha was being honest, she was too tired to pretend happiness while playing with her honorary niece. Though before she could talk her way out of it, Laura stepped in. Apparently she had been in the kitchen preparing some sort of dinner. "Let Auntie Nat breath through for a moment. You know how Dad always needs a day after a mission before he's back in Dad-mode, and Natasha also needs some time. She'll play with you tomorrow. But I'm sure she'd be pleased about you colouring something for her."

"Okay," Lila pouted for a moment and then practically ran off to her room to start colouring.

"Thanks. You know I love the kids, but-"

"But there's something else going on in your head," Laura finished for her and looked her over. "Look, if I see something's wrong with one of the best spies in the world, this something must be something big. You wanna talk about it? I won't tell Clint, because this is girl's talk. Is Dr Banner involved?"

"Banner?" Natasha echoed, fighting hard to not let her surprise show on her face. "Why do you think he'd have something to do with it?"

Laura gave her a smile and picked Natasha's favourite tea from the shelf. "So you're not denying it. I just saw the way you two interacted with one another. You're not comfortable enough around each other to be just friends and Clint brought you inside instead of Dr Banner so you're not in a relationship."

"You did learn from Clint, huh?" Natasha commented and shook her head. With a small smile, she accepted the mug Laura placed in front of her and laid her hands around the ceramic.

"One of few perks of being married to an agent," Laura offered. "So spill. What did he do?"

"He did nothing," Natasha started, but didn't continue right away. Instead she looked down into her tea, evading Laura's investigating gaze. Sometimes she felt like Laura's daughter, too, and she could only envy the kids for having someone so caring look out for them. "It's my fault. He said he might go away because of the Hulk to not be a danger to anyone. To me. And I told him I don't care and I would accompany him. He's the only guy I opened up to, you know? Or at least the only guy after Clint who's anyway more like an annoying older brother."

"Well, that doesn't sound like there's any problem."

"Bruce said he'd be not right for me because he can't have children. Then I told him what the Red Room did to me." Natasha didn't explain this part any further. Laura had known about this long ago when she had patched up Natasha and asked about one finer scar on her stomach. "So instead of founding a family, it would just be the two of us. I could live with that, Laura. I could live without having children of my own if there's a guy I can really be _me_ for a change."

Laura gently laid her hand on Natasha's arm and gave it a squeeze. "You can borrow the kids any time you like. I'm serious about that. They adore you, you're great with them… I couldn't wish for a better aunt for them."

"I don't even know if I ever want to have kids. It's just…" Natasha trailed off.

"You'd like to chance to do so. I think I understand that."

"And then he asked me about the dead. I told him, that they're dead. It doesn't help anyone to think too much about the people one killed."

"But he has a different opinion," Laura said. It was not a question.

Natasha nodded. "He may wants to run but he can't leave his past behind. Me neither. I mean, look at me, I carry my past everywhere I go. But I've learned to live with it. I have this great team watching out for me and sometimes I can save their lives _because_ of the skills I have. That's enough for me to be able to move on and not think too much about the dead I leave behind. In our line of work, you have to kill someone to save another. That's what he doesn't get yet."

"Then why is this all your fault? You have different opinions on a certain topic, but that's no reason to blame anyone," Laura answered frowning. "Sure, it's a big topic, I get that, and I really don't know how I would react should I kill someone. But that's no reason to just blow everything off before you've really started it."

"As I said, he was the first one I was myself. No persona, no ulterior motives. Just me. That's the mistake. He showed me that not even someone with an at least similar bad past can deal with the real me. I-" Natasha took a breath and waved her hand. "Sorry. It's been a hard day."

Laura pushed her chair closer to Natasha's and laid an arm around her shoulders. She knew all too well that Natasha didn't do hugs offhandedly except when interacting with the children and so Laura just offered her the possibility to be embraced. "Now listen very closely, Natasha Romanoff. First, it is not a shame to show emotions. You have every right to be upset because the guy you love or at least have a huge crush on has problems with how you are. That happens and yes, maybe it's a trivial reason to be upset but a reason nevertheless. Second, he obviously doesn't know you good enough, otherwise he would know how rare it is for you to open up. How often were you here before you talked with me about private stuff? And third, he's the one missing out. If he thinks your different opinions on this topic is enough reason to tuck tail and run, then it's his problem. You are a strong, beautiful woman. You'll find a guy who takes you as you are, I'm betting on that. Though he'll have to pass Clint and me, but that's a different story." Laura noticed the little smile playing on Natasha's lips although it only lasted the blink of an eye. "There. As I said, it's fine to be upset. But he's not the only man on this planet."

"Thank you. It feels good talking with someone about it. Someone I know won't crack a joke or blush because it's awkward."

"I'll always be there for those kinds of talk, Nat. I promise. Cooper and Lila won't stay kids forever, so it's good training," Laura added with a wink. Slowly she stood up again, stroked gently over Natasha's hair and kissed it like Natasha imagined her mother would have done it. Then she took the mugs to the sink. "You wanna help with dinner."

"Sure. Just tell me what to do." The redhead joined Laura at the counter and during the time they took for the dinner preparation, the smile slowly returned to her lips and the knot in her stomach started to loosen up. Her mood got even better when she noticed Laura being rather little talkative towards Bruce during the dinner. It was childish but Natasha was glad to have Laura on her side, even if it was only for one evening. Laura sucked at being angry for a longer period of time.

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 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? As always, please drop me any ideas, prompts or requests you might have, even if it's just along the lines that you would like to read more of a certain ship or see a continuation / pre-story of a certain chapter. You'd really help me with that, it's harder than I thought to come up with enough ideas and I would like to stick to the weekly update.**


	27. Seeking Solace (005)

**A/N Firstly, thanks a lot for your prompts and requests! I added all of those (yes, all of them) to my little list and will work through them bit by bit. I don't know yet in what order I will post them, so there'll be a little suprise. So thanks a lot and I hope they all turn out they way you'd like them to. And just in case you got more of those great ideas coming but aren't sure enough of them to post them with your review, my PM-box is always open. Be it prompts or questions ;)**

 **I see the light: I kinda realized I neglected Thor a lot till now, so keep your eyes open ;)**

 **WidowInBlack: I read the story you recommended and what can I say, I practically inhaled it. Thanks a lot for that! And I'm happy you liked the last oneshot. Since Age of Ultron, I always imagined those two having grown quite close over time. **

**Invader Johnny: Not even the Black Widow can handle everything alone.**

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Title: Seeking Solace (prompt #5)

Characters: Natasha, Clint (friendship)

Word count: ~1580

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Natasha awoke with a gasp, her legs pulled up to her chest. Her hands were clutching the pillow and cold sweat beaded on her forehead despite her covers lying in a heap on the floor beside the bed. The pictures of her nightmare refused to vanish in the moonlight and continued to haunt her mind. She could _feel_ the heat of the fire burning the hospital to ashes, hear the screams of the children. She remembered the sticky feeling of the blood on her hands.

It took her a moment to recognize her quarters at SHIELD headquarters. Natasha reached with shaking hands for the alarm clock on the nightstand. Half past two in the morning. The alarm wouldn't go off for another four hours but Natasha knew she wouldn't get anymore sleep. Not after this nightmare that haunted her for nearly a month now.

She got up, slipping into an oversized sweater she had borrowed from Clint some time ago when she had come fresh into the agency. He had given her the sweater after a day in the gym. She had shivered in the colder corridors after their workout, but hadn't said a word about the goose bumps along her arms. Clint had noticed either way, had slipped out of his sweater he had pulled over his training gear and had given it to her without offering any chance of declining. Natasha had kept it since then.

She felt like she couldn't stand being alone anymore. Clint had told her more than once he would be there if she needed him to be, no matter the time. Whether he really expected her to show up in the middle of the night she was about to find out. Natasha would rather avoid meeting anyone on the way to Clint's room and climbed out of the window since her mental state was nobody's business. But she didn't trust Fury enough to believe he hadn't installed some sort of security to notify him should she try to leave the Triskelion that way. Some program probably also wrote down when her front door was being opened but that was a lot less compromising than leaving her quarters through the window.

Personally, she wouldn't mind wandering the corridors only in the sweater cladding her figure but she knew there would be some agents complaining about her "barbaric" Russian behaviour. That was why she grabbed a pair of loose pants and put them on before taking her keys and opening the door separating her from the rest of the Triskelion. She carefully poked out her head to look up and down the corridor. No one out there. Of course. Those who were on the floor already slept soundly, probably undisturbed by nightmares and those tired of working the night's shift wouldn't be heard until the sun rose over the roofs of Washington. Natasha pulled the door close behind her quietly and started her journey, her bare feet almost soundlessly against the cool tiles. She had often been at Clint's place, he having her invited over in the past for a beer or two, so by now she was able to find her way blindfolded.

Finally, she reached Clint's door. Natasha knew he only kept it closed, not locked, so she could more easily slip in whenever she wanted to. He'd even given her the keys after she had managed to break in the third time. Tonight Natasha would have knocked if it had been any good – she was Russian, after all, not a barbarian – but since Clint more often than not took out his hearing aids, she could spent the whole night knocking on his door. Instead Natasha used the key, opened the door, quietly pushed it shut again and put the keys back in her pockets.

Clint's quarters were as big (or small) as her own, only more personal. There was a collection of movies Natasha had watched years back to understand cultural references to fit in. Never out of joy. That was only something Clint had declared his personal mission: making watching movies a thing one did out of joy. Arrows were lying around and the remnants of a late snack were placed on the kitchen counter. There were some selected posters on the wall, showing bands or movie characters. Files were lying on the table, spreading their contents over the whole surface. For a moment, Natasha was tempted to look through them, the curiosity almost automatically pulling her towards the table. But then she felt the heat of the fire again on her neck and instead directed her feet towards Clint's bedroom.

The door stood slightly ajar and Natasha pushed it further open, expecting the inevitable squeak of the hinges. Clint was still asleep, snoring softly. Natasha went back to the sofa and took the blanket from there before returning to the bedroom. The moonlight illuminated enough for her to find the chair in the corner where Clint used to throw his clothes. Seemingly, he had decided to use the laundry box Laura had given him the last time he'd been at the farm after Natasha had mentioned his habits with a knowing smirk. Now it was _her_ chair.

She was trying to find a comfortable position on the chair when Clint sat up. "Thought I'd heard something," he said, his voice thick with sleep. "What's up? You need a hug?"

Natasha shrugged. She still wasn't used to voicing what she wanted or needed when it came to her emotions.

Clint lighted the lamp on his nightstand and sat further up against the headboard. "Come here." He patted the space beside him. "Did you dream again?"

"The hospital fire," Natasha confirmed and took the blanket with her when she sat on the bed.

The archer wrapped her carefully in the blanket and made her lean against his shoulder. An anger flared up deep within him. It were nights like these when it hit him that Natasha had to grow up way too early. That she probably never experienced receiving solace by someone else. That she was trained to be an assassin before she could read or write. That she killed more people he cared to count because she had no other choice. Still his face remained soft when he gently laid an arm around her. It had taken a lot of time until she stopped – or pretended to do so – expecting ulterior motives behind every touch, be it hug or high five. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He could feel Natasha shrug beneath her blanket. "I wouldn't know what to say beside the things you already know. I set a hospital on fire, burning children only so the KGB could hide the nuclear pollution. They would have died either way, but still…" She pulled her legs closer to her chest.

Now Clint also laid his other arm around her. "If you want to cry, I won't tell. I promise." His voice was soft and he gently rubbed her arms in a soothing way.

"Cry for whom? Those people are long dead and I won't cry for myself because I sure as hell don't deserve it." Natasha looked up at him, her expression blank. "You knew what I had done when SHIELD sent you out to kill me. Why didn't you end it then and there?"

It wasn't the first time they had this talk, usually after one of Natasha's nightmares or something had reminded her of her time in the Red Room, her missions. And so far, Clint had told her the same every time she'd asked. "Because I knew you were capable of being good. Of doing good. And you were only a girl. You might call yourself a young woman, but all I saw was a girl. You can deny it or not but you were afraid then. No one pisses off the KGB without learning fear. So I wanted to help you. If I had seen you as the deadly woman you are, I might have followed my orders. But since I saw the girl you also were, the girl I knew you could be if one someone gave you the chance, I couldn't kill you. And until today I don't think I've made a mistake."

"Even though you ended up with me as your partner?" A soft smile someone who didn't know her wouldn't even notice tucked on her lips.

"Even though I ended up with you. You're the best partner I ever had," Clint assured her with a grin.

Natasha scoffed. "Yeah, Coulson told me I'm the only one able to cope with your sense of humour for that long. Not to speak of your sparkling personality."

"Well, I'm special. Of course there are a lot who can't keep up with me."

"Keep telling that to yourself if it makes you happy." Natasha worked hard to conceal a yawn, but failed. "I can stay until I have my appointment with Fury?"

"Sure thing." Clint let go off her to hold the blanket up. "I'll wake you if you have another nightmare."

Natasha slid under the covers and snuggled gratefully back in his embrace. "Sorry in advance for the kicking and punching."

"Nah, don't be. Whether you bruise me here or in the gym really doesn't make a difference."

"Thank you," she muttered nearly unintelligible.

Clint smiled. He knew she didn't mean his permission to punch him. He turned down the lights, pulled her close and shut his eyes.


	28. Smile (014)

**A/N Dear readers, it's the end of the semester again (well almost) and I'll probably choke on my theses (yes, multiple this time) I have to write. I really, really hope to be able to keep up the weekly update, but there probably won't be a fixed date when you can expect the update since my days will consist of library, work and sometimes in between a snack and a nap so I don't know when I'll be at my computer to upload a new oneshot. I try to write some chapters in advance so they are already done. The last thesis is due on March 10, so after that I hope everything will be back to normal.**  
 **But enough of work for now. This chapter is a requested Bucky and Natasha shipping piece, so I hope you like it. I certainly enjoyed writing it.**

 **Invader Johnny: Yeah, the last chapter is set some months into Natasha's time with SHIELD and since Clint really is her closest (if not only) friend there who also seems to understand her, they are definitely more than just sparring partners.**

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Title: Smile (#14)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky (relationship), other Avengers

Word count: ~2500

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It was one of those quiet evenings in HQ. Well, not everywhere. Tony had decided to show Steve the perks of console gaming, so the common room was filled with cheers and groans by the players and too loudly given leads and tries to irritate one of them by those who watched. But after a day of dealing with rookies, Natasha had no nerves left to deal with the boys on their sugar high. Instead she had chosen the library as her go-to place, using her evening off to look at the collection of Russian novels Tony had bought for her lately. She was in the middle of reading Tolstoi for the umpteenth time when the door opened silently and Bucky entered the room. Natasha only looked up for a moment to acknowledge him with a nod before focusing again on her book. Or at least pretended to do so. Actually, she was watching Bucky as he sat down close to her and started to clean his guns. A small smile played on her lips, her thoughts deep in the past. She had seen him often like this when she was still a girl. How his hands moved swiftly to take the weapons apart and put them back together without hesitation.

"You know I know you're staring, right?" he asked without looking at her.

Natasha shrugged. "Just wondering how you can see anything at all when your hair's that long."

Bucky actually looked up at that, his eyes thoughtful. "Well… Guess I just don't notice it anymore. I run around like this for some time now."

"Yeah, I remember." Natasha now put her book aside to lean comfortably in her chair and watch Bucky openly. "And I get that longer hair is quite practical in the Siberian winter, but in New York it usually doesn't get that cold. Ever thought about a haircut?"

"Hey, it did me something good when I got put back in cryo sleep in Wakanda," Bucky defended himself with a pout. He looked down the barrel, then put the weapon and the cloth aside. "Since unlike Steve I have my experience with women, it sounds like you're suggesting I should get a haircut. Like, in the near future. Immediately."

"That's not what I meant," Natasha objected with a quiet chuckle. She leant over the arm of the chair to flip one of the strands of hair that constantly fell into Bucky's face.

Bucky caught her wrist and kissed the back of her hand. "Then what?" His question was playful as was the sparkle in his eyes. "I trained you, there's literally nothing you can hide from me."

"Nothing, huh? You're sure?" Natasha leant further towards him, her trademark smirk playing on her lips when she kissed Bucky.

"Quite sure." He grinned at her. "And if you think you could distract me that easily, you're seriously mistaken, doll."

Natasha gave him a one shouldered shrug. "It was worth the try. I just thought you could do something different with your hair besides the shaggy Soviet soldier look."

"Then what would you suggest?" Bucky wasn't completely against the idea of cutting his hair; if he was honest, it sometimes annoyed the hell out of him. Especially in battle, when it constantly fell in his face.

"Dunno. Steve once took me to his exhibition to show me your pic. Well, actually he took me thrice. Let's just say the picture explained why you got all the girls back then."

"So my 40's hair then, huh? Yeah, what can I say, the gals liked it. That would be your choice for me?"

"I think it suited you. And retro is the new modern, so you'd probably rather start another trend than look awkward. Just think about it."

Bucky lowered his gaze for a moment. "I'd be all in but… I don't like strangers messing with me. I barely let Stark work on my arm and I know him for quite a while now."

"Well, it's Stark. I only trust him with my equipment because in four out of five he makes it more badass," Natasha answered with a smile, threading her fingers gently through Bucky's hair. "But if you don't want a stranger to cut your hair, I could do that. It won't look as good as done by a professional but I think I can manage."

"Is this another of your tests of how much I trust you?" Bucky raised one eyebrow, being all playful again. He thanked whoever was responsible for Nat being that understanding. Aside from Steve she seemed the only one to truly get why he had his difficulties with trusting most of the people he met. Of course she understood; she had felt that way too after she had abandoned the KGB. And he had helped forming her. A pang of regret let his smile falter.

Natasha caught on but didn't address it. "No test. Come on." She stood up, took his hand and gently pulled him from his chair and out of the library. Her touch was soft when she led him into her apartment, closed the door shut and went on into her bathroom. After entering it, she took the little stool she usually put her clothes on for the next day and placed it in front of the washbasin. "Sit there and lean back. I'll wash your hair first, makes the cutting easier."

"I think I'm able to wash my hair myself," Bucky interjected with half a smile.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Now, come on. I want to spoil you for once, so you probably should play along. Who knows when this opportunity will come again?"

"You're pretty good at subtle threats, you know?" Bucky sighed but didn't lose his smile. Instead he took a seat on the stool, his back towards the washbasin and leaned back until his neck rested on the rim. "You're not gonna use your girly shampoo, are you?"

"Is it the smell you don't like or its connection to me?" Natasha turned up the water and tested its temperature before soaking Bucky's hair, careful to not let any of it get into his eyes.

"People know we're not just friends. I just can't afford smelling like a strawberry field when Stark's around. He'll never let me live that down."

Natasha snorted not very ladylike. "That just shows how less attention you're paying. Don't worry, it doesn't smell overly girly. I'm a spy and assassin, remember? Shampoos with a strong scent make you recognizable. Would be a rookie's mistake." She squirted some of her favourite shampoo onto her palm and worked up a lather before she started massaging it in Bucky's scalp.

His eyes closed almost instantly. The sensation of Natasha's fingernails scraping gently over his scalp felt too good to not enjoy it. The worrying frowns on his forehead started to cease so that his face looked much younger.

Natasha smiled down at him. She liked seeing him carefree since she didn't get to see him like this very often. Carefully she rinsed his hair, again making sure that nothing got into his eyes. Having done that, she turned the water off and wrapped a towel around Bucky's head. "Dry it a bit while I'm looking for the scissors."

"What about that bit of you spoiling me?"

"Don't push your luck, Barnes," Natasha retorted but there was no threat in her voice. She returned with a pair of hair shears and a comb and took the towel from Bucky's hands. She started combing through his wet hair and asked in a way as if his answer wouldn't even matter: "Why didn't you join the boys for their gaming session? Even Steve tries to master this part of the twenty-first century. Though I'm pretty sure he gets his ass kicked."

"Didn't want to intrude." Bucky shrugged. Truth was, he wasn't comfortable with spending his time in a big group. Everyone was nice to him, trying hard to forget or at least forgive what he had done, but Bucky rather didn't want to put them through the trouble.

"Felt the same when Clint brought me into SHIELD," Natasha recounted. "It wasn't an easy start as a Soviet agent in an American organisation. Spent my time either with Clint or alone. Clint still had his solo missions while I had my tests to clear me as an agent and for field work, so more often than not I was alone. Then Maria stepped up to me, basically dragging me out of my room. We went to the gym and sparred a little, then went to grab some dinner. She introduced me to her friends and acted the whole time as if I were fresh from the academy instead of being brought in like a stray. Only then I felt like I found a new home. A fresh start."

"You didn't do what I did," Bucky's voice was low and his hands balled to fists. "There is no one on this team I didn't hurt one way or the other."

Natasha shrugged and started cutting. "Maybe. Keep your head straight... yeah, like that. But I did things just as bad. I just seldom faced the people I hurt. The people whose relatives I killed." She put the shears aside to lean over Bucky's shoulder and place her hand on his. "The dead are dead, James. They won't come back, no matter how much you punish yourself. But when you decide to move forward, you can at least try to make it up again. To wipe the red from your ledger."

"Sounds like one of the speeches the little punk would give," Bucky said, taking deep breaths.

"Well, he was my partner in the field for a long time. Guess I picked up one thing or the other." She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and resumed cutting his hair.

Bucky stayed silent for a while. Then he said: "Barton and Stark asked me if I wanted to join. I declined. But I guess it would have been nice. I just… I know we broke the triggers but I'm afraid to hurt any of them because I can't keep my cool."

"Steve and I especially know the signs for the Winter Soldier by now, so we would interfere in time. And the other guys aren't part of the world's mightiest heroes for nothing. Don't want to belittle you, but I think they could take you down." She contemplated her work for a moment then laid the shears aside and took the hairdryer from the shelf. "I think you'll regret it someday if you refuse to bond with those guys. We're family, after all."

Bucky was spared the answer when Natasha started to dry his hair; any words would have been fruitless over the sound. He was half convinced Natasha was right. He couldn't just spend his time with her, Steve or alone; there would come a day when he would need the other guys. And maybe they would need him, too. Somehow that brought peace to his mind. He could be of use. And maybe he could make up what he did in his past, at least a tiny bit. He had to try.

He almost didn't notice when Natasha was done. Only when she tousled his hair again, he raised his gaze to meet hers. "Done already?"

"Yeah. You wanna take a look?"

Bucky nodded and stood up. While Natasha put the stool back on its place, he turned around and looked in the mirror. And startled. It was like looking through the mirror back in time. Back to when his biggest worry was to keep Steve save. Back to when he could have every woman he wanted. Back to before he had met the only woman he'd ever want.

"Do you like it?" Natasha voice was more timid than usual as she leaned against his back, her head placed on his shoulder and her arms wrapped around his torso. "It's not as even as a barber would have managed but-"

"It's great," Bucky interrupted her, their gazes meeting in the mirror. "Thank you."

"You really like it? Because if not, I won't kill you because of it."

Bucky rolled his eyes and turned around, taking her face gently into his hands. He felt her slightly shivering when the cold metal of his left hand met her skin. "I like it. Really. I feel like I'm about to be shipped off to Europe, but need to check on the punk just in case he got himself in trouble again."

"Steve will always find trouble, no matter what you do. That much I've learned already. And whoever wants to ship you off has to get past me. And they'll regret it. Big time."

Bucky grins and pulls her close to kiss her. "I wouldn't go by choice this time. You're not better than the punk when it comes to trouble."

Now it is Natasha's time to roll her eyes. "It's been always Clint's or Steve's fault when I got into trouble."

"Neither of them were in Russia."

"No. Back then it was you who constantly got me into trouble."

"Oh, so now it's me?" Bucky shook his head and flung her over his shoulder.

Natasha didn't resist but leant on her forearm on his shoulders. An untypical giggle escaped her. "What are you doing?"

"Watching Steve get his ass kicked. I'm taking you with me, so you don't get into any kind of trouble. And maybe you can give me some hints on what to do with these controllers."

"Gamepads. Cooper once used a whole afternoon to explain me why they're called gamepads."

"Whatever." Bucky made his way out of Natasha's apartment and through the elevator into the common room. The boys were still at it, just as loud and enthusiastic as before. Bucky dumped Natasha on the sofa beside Clint, earning a playful glare from her.

The others acknowledged them with a nod and a few words. Steve took some time contemplating Bucky's new haircut, then smiled an open smile at him when he recongnized it. Bucky shuffled a bit around until Natasha nudged him with her foot and nodded towards the other guys. He sighed soundlessly, took a deep breath and walked over to Tony. "Hey, uhm… care to show me how this works?"

Tony paused the game and looked up at him in surprise. "Yeah, uh, sure. It's rather easy. Just as easy as picking up girls with your new haircut, I guess."

"Just show him how to play this game. James needs no help in picking up girls," Natasha called, her eyes a piercing emerald.

"Sure, sure," Tony surrendered instantly, holding up his hands. Then he looked at Bucky who had sat down beside Steve on one of the sofas. "You know, you should make sure she's tired more often. Super soldier stamina has to be useful for more things than just fighting." A pillow hit Tony square in the face, almost knocking his sunglasses off.

Bucky didn't had to fake the chuckle that made it past his lips.


	29. Through the Fire (089)

**A/N I know, I know, I'm a little late with the update. Sorry about that. This is not exaclty the requested oneshot about Natasha training someone but it goes in the same direction. Besides, it can be seen as the prequel for said request which will be uploaded eventually. Pinky promise.**

 **DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much :)**

 **WidowInBlack: Well, I have to say I blushed a little reading your review. Thank you very much, I'm happy you liked it that much. It's good to see I got etter over the course of this little collection at writing.**

 **Invader Johnny: I like humorous**

 **I see the light: Great you like it that much. I hope it's a good thing you have to think of this oneshot whenever you listen to it.**

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Title: Through the Fire (#89)

Characters: Natasha, Fury, some poor rookies

Word count: ~2470

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„I swear to God, Nick, if I have to spend another week at desk duty, I'll either kill the printer or May. Or one with the other," Natasha fumed in Director Fury's office. "Barton being away is no reason to risk a homicide; that just leads to even more paperwork."

"Not so fun to pull stunts when you have to work through the damn bumf yourself, huh?" Fury was clearly unimpressed but a dangerously amused glint was in his one eye.

Natasha huffed. "So I blew something up. Happens."

"Yeah, maybe it won't happen that often again," Fury countered, his arms leaning on his desk to face Natasha. "SHIELD might be rather good suited on the financial side but we're not Stark. We need to keep collateral damages as low as possible. And I don't care whether this guy called you a dyed redhead or insulted someone, but you can't just blow up his office."

"I retrieved all the data you wanted me to get beforehand. And his interior decoration was just shitty."

"Well, if you don't want to continue desk work until Barton gets back, then I'm glad you're volunteering for filling in for Hill. She was supposed to weed out the recruits but called in sick. You can do that or get yelled at by May, I don't care."

Natasha raised one eyebrow. "Letting the recruits deal with Black Widow on their first day? Little harsh, isn't it?"

"Nah." Fury waved her objection aside. "They better know what's coming at them here. Let's face it, most of them are here because they are remarkable in their line of work and SHIELD needs men. But most of them wouldn't last a day out in field. So pick out those who are worth our time and send the rest of them home. And try not to make them piss themselves."

"Can't promise you that boss," Natasha answered, her usual smirk with just a hint of real anticipation on her lips. Playing with the new recruits? That's as good as her day could get.

Fury sighed. "Thought that. They should be in the gym in half an hour. Test their skills and ability to work under pressure. Some of them just graduated from the academy, so they're not all nicked from the army."

"I think I can deal with that. If there are some last men standing-"

"You send them straight to HR," Fury finished her sentence. "Assigning them quarters is none of your business. Bring their files to me."

"Understood, sir." Natasha nodded and turned to leave.

"Romanoff? Don't be too hard on those guys. Permanent damage limits their applicability in the field and a bad rep makes it harder for us to win new recruits."

Without any indication whether she had processed what he just said, Natasha left the room to go to her own quarters; when she was dealing with the recruits, she didn't want to do that in a pencil skirt.

In time, she made it to the gym, wearing her tac suit. Her Widow's Bites were on their usual place at her wrists but not yet powered up. She intended to not use them unless it was necessary to teach a lesson. The recruits had not yet arrived; some intern probably still gave them a tour through headquarters. Waste of time in Natasha's opinion. Why bother showing them the cafeteria while most of them never got to eat there? She used the time at hand to warm up her muscles; there was nothing worse than a cramped muscle. There was no need to think about the exercises she went through; her body remembered every movement from years and years of training, stepping firmly onto the mats and keeping her balance always in exactly the right position to prevent her from stumbling and falling. She ended her small exercise with a breathing technique while sitting cross-legged in the middle of the mats. That's how the recruits encountered her when they entered the gym.

Natasha ignored them and they stayed silent, sometimes shifting their weight from one foot to the other. After a little while, one of them with a military cut spoke up. "I'm sorry, Miss. We are supposed to meet an Agent Hill here. Is he already on his way?"

One blink of an eye later he was laying on the mats, groaning, his arm twisted on his back, while Natasha stood casually over him and faced the other recruits. "Firstly, patience is nothing to belittle. One day it could save your life waiting only one second longer before you open fire. Secondly, Agent Hill is a woman though she can pack a punch like a guy. Trust me, I've been on the receiving end. She has better things to do then deciding who of you lot is going to stay, so you have the questionable honour to deal with me on your first day. And thirdly, if neither of you in his position knew how to break my hold, go to the cafeteria, drink a coffee and then go home. Any questions?"

The recruits all stood attention while the one still on the mats tried to wriggle his way out of Natasha's grip without success. Neither said a word. Natasha nodded her approval. "Good." She nudged the man with the tip of her boot and released his arm. "You can go now."

He scrambled back to his feet but made no move towards the door. "That's not fair! I would've kicked your ass if you hadn't surprised me!"

Natasha contemplated him for a moment, her arms crossed. "What's your name?"

"Stefan Weeks, Ma'am."

Natasha stepped aside, so the group could watch them more easily. Time for a lesson in the consequences of defying direct orders. "In our line of work it is most important to trust your superiors to make the right choice for you, especially so when you're new to this whole thing. There will come a time when you can take the liberty of making your own decisions in the field. But still then you get your asses handed regardless of your handler. Lucky for you, Weeks volunteered in a little demonstration." Natasha now turned back to Weeks and assumed a fighting stance. "Despite what some people claim, I'm not heartless. You get one chance. One. Hand-to-hand combat, no weapons. Defeat me and you get your place amidst the ranks of agents."

A smug smile played Weeks's lips. Natasha knew this smile. It meant she as a woman didn't pose a threat for him. That he would love to show her who's the alpha after she had embarrassed him. Natasha would enjoy to show him how wrong he was. Weeks was fast, but Natasha was faster. She dodged his blows and sent a kick towards his ribs only to jump onto his shoulders, squeeze his head between her thighs and shifting her weight so he lost his balance and fell onto the mats. In a fluent roll she absorbed her own fall and was quickly on her feet again.

"And this happens to those of you who think a woman is no match for you. You can never know what kind of training your target got through before you met him or her. And when I say never, I mean it. You might get files beforehand but those never contain all the information you need. Be prepared for everything," she said, blocking Weeks's punch and sending him sprawling onto the mats again. "And don't play dirtier than you could handle yourself." Casually she stepped on his elbow; a sickening crunch filled the gym. Natasha then moved aside with her arms crossed again, showing overly obvious that concerning her the topic was now closed. "You are now dismissed, Stefan Weeks. Go see the hospital wing to get your nose and arm fixed. Try not to bleed on the floor all the way; blood's a bitch to get cleaned up."

With one last scornful glare Weeks hobbled out of the gym. The door had barely fell shut when Natasha turned to the group. "Anyone else who needs a lesson in humiliation before we can get started? No? Good. Pair up and start sparring, there's enough room for you. I'll walk around sorting out those whose technique is shit and those who lose after just a few moves. In short, all those who should spent another year at the academy. The remaining will spar against me. Start now."

Natasha enjoyed watching the recruits spar. Her mind, trained to analyse fighting patterns even before she could shoot with her left hand, filed every movement away for further reference. All recruits had a solid schooling but most lacked the imagination to derive from the patterns they had practiced for years. It would be too easy to defeat them and they'd probably be dead at the latest in their third week in the field. She was doing them a favour when she tipped them on their shoulders and nodded towards the door of the gym. Disappointment shone in their eyes and Natasha could understand that. Once she had been in a similar position, hoping to change the course of her life. She knew exactly what would have happened to her when Fury and Coulson hadn't accepted Clint's call in the end. They'd either killed her or send her back to Russia where the KGB would have either killed her or send her back for re-education. One way or the other, she would have ended dead. The thought of the Red Room alone was enough to let the room's temperature drop by a few degrees.

After the first round, there was only one in every third or fourth left. All of them seemed a little sweaty and out of breath, but happy to have made it so far. Natasha acknowledged them with a nod and something that could almost be a smile. "Congratulation. Now the following rules apply: whoever pulls his punches gets tossed out. Whoever lasts not more than ten seconds gets out. Whoever manages to puts me on the mats, will receive my personal recommendation when I give your files to Director Fury. Give your best. SHIELD has no use for those who are average."

Again she assumed a fighting stance in the middle of the mats with the first of the remaining recruits across from her. Natasha left every thought of going slow behind; she knew that few of them were able to take her on and that when they had fought against Hill probably some more would pass. But it did them and SHIELD nothing good if she let those pass who couldn't even dodge a kick or block a punch so that they gained at least some sort of momentary advantage. The lion's share of the recruits barely lasted seven seconds and a groan went through the observers every time one of their comrades was put down and thus sent out of the door. Some lasted a little longer, relief shining through the pain when they made it past the ten seconds' mark. And a few actually proved a challenge. Most of those seemed to stem from the army instead of the academy. That didn't surprise Natasha. Experience beat training almost every time. No one however managed to get Natasha on her back although by the time she was through with the recruits she had broken into a sweat, her red hair clinging to her forehead. There were seven of them, two whose files she would give Fury with extra emphasis. More than she had anticipated if she was honest.

"Good work. All of you. Most important thing you've learned today is to go against every enemy that might stand in your way. More so if you know said enemy can kick your ass," Natasha said, now an honest smile on her lips. "Go shower. Wind down. We'll let you know where your quarters are." She watched as the recruits filed out, chattering tiredly about their try-outs. Natasha gathered their files and made her way back to Fury's office. She would shower afterwards, ringing in her free-time.

"Get in!" Fury's voice sounded after she had knocked on the door to his office.

Natasha stepped in, closed the door behind her and put three stacks of folders on Fury's desk. "Those you can forget," she started to explain, pointing at the highest stack, without waiting for Fury to initiate the conversation. "Sloppy technique, no stamina. Maybe they could try again after another year of training but that's not on me to decide." She pointed to the second stack, considerably smaller. "Another agent should take a closer look into those. Maybe they would have passed with Hill or Barton, I don't know. They weren't that bad but not exactly elite. Still, hope doesn't seem lost on them. And those," she continued, now tipping on the first folder of the last stack "you should definitely take in. Above average technique, some of them posed a challenge. They would be assets not to be belittled."

"What about those two with a red X?" Fury asked, one eyebrow raised. "Shall I send you or Barton after them for being that sloppy?"

"No." Natasha cleared her throat and stood a little straighter. "Recruits Brooks and Watson. I would like to supervise their training here myself. One of them almost had me on the mats and the other one was even closer. Leave their training to me and you can as well create STRIKE Team Epsilon."

Fury leaned back in his chair, his fingertips leaning against each other, and contemplated her with an unwavering gaze. "You've grown soft Romanoff. Since when are you personally interested in the progress of rookies?"

"Since they seem promising. Ask Hill what she thinks about it if you want to. Just saying I'll whip their asses into shape better than anybody else."

"What about the other five? You wanna train them too?"

Natasha shrugged. "Nah. As I said, they're good enough so I'm giving you their files but not _that_ good I would want to train them. They could piss themselves."

Fury rolled his eye at her reference to their earlier conversation. "Touché. Well, if you wanna babysit those two, then do so. But I wanna get weekly reports and you can't just quit again when they start to annoy you."

"How often did Coulson want to quit when he became my handler?"

"Depended on your mood," Fury shared with a grin. "Sometimes thrice a day, then some days I heard nothing of it at all."

"Sounds like him." Natasha allowed herself a little smile, then became Agent Romanoff again. "Just let me know when I can start with the rookies." Curiously, she was looking forward to it to take them under her wings. Maybe she really was getting soft.


	30. I Can't (073)

A/N My whole circadian rhythm is completely out of control, so I apologise for the delay. I hope that's relatively fine with you and you enjoy this 30th one-shot nevertheless.

Invader Johnny: Yeah, she is badass, but that doesn't mean she can't be human, right?

WidowInBlack: Yeah, me too. I really don't know if those rookies know what's coming for them. I'm glad you liked it :)

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Title: I Can't (# 73)

Characters: Clint, Natasha, feat. Coulson

Word count: ~ 2570

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SHIELD Agent Clint Barton was busy tailing his target over the roofs for the seventeenth day in a row. He hadn't been assigned to this mission for nothing and his past in the circus definitely helped but he still had a hard time. He knew his target only from the single granular picture SHIELD had gained from a shitty surveillance camera at a train station in France. Her red hair had been clearly visible despite the crappy quality but it had been difficult to make out any facial features, not to speak of an assumption how old she was. She seemed rather young but given the missions she had accomplished so far – or at least the ones they knew could be related to the Black Widow – it seemed unlikely having a child doing seduction stuff. Then again, you never knew.

The information they had on her was sparse. Female, around 5'3" in height, Russian. Able to speak multiple languages fluently and to vanish in every crowd in a matter of seconds. Kills with firearms, a garrotte, hairpins… in short, everything that can be turned into a weapon. Or no weapon at all. Laura had been on the verge of stomping into Fury's office when he had called to tell her about his new assignment and it had taken some time to convince her that he would walk out of this unscathed. Clint wasn't illusional. He knew he barely stood a chance against the Black Widow in hand-to-hand combat but he never intended to get that close. He had his bow for a reason.

It had taken him some time to find her in this busy city. SHIELD knew – or had assumptions, that is – where she would be, though it was a wild guess. Around a year and a half ago, there had been word that the Black Widow had gone rogue, abandoning the KGB and becoming a freelancer. Not exactly reassuring information if Clint had been honest, specifically since SHIELD hadn't been the only one anymore pursuing her.

Clint knew he couldn't fuck it up, Coulson had made that more than clear. They worked together now for some time and never before had Clint seen him that stressed out. The guy had gained some more deeper lines on his forehead from worrying so much about the redheaded assassin. Coulson knew Clint hated working with other agents but had still suggested he'd take some back-up with him. Clint had refused. He hadn't wanted to focus on both his target and some greenhorn agent.

Clint went into position on the roof and nocked an arrow to his bowstring. He looked along the shaft, searching the crowd for someone who at least somehow resembled the assassin, when the communicator in his ear crackling went to life. "Hawkeye, name your status."

Clint rolled his eyes, thankful Coulson couldn't see him doing this. He'd earned enough reprimands for sassing his superiors as it was. "Took position on a roof, now searching the crowd for target," he answered.

Coulson's voice sounded strained. "We can't afford to lose her. Intel took long enough to determine her position."

"I got it, Phil. Really, I did. Consider it done."

"Be careful. She knows how to work men and women alike so don't get yourself caught in her web."

Clint huffed. "Yeah, she's not the first beautiful woman I see but your concern is noticed. I know what she did so don't worry, I won't let her slip through my fingers." Coulson didn't answer and Clint didn't push further. Instead he again scanned the crowd. His heartbeat picked up on pace when he found her. _Finally_. Her hair was still red though it showed faint traces of her last brunette dye job. She was small, small enough to be almost constantly covered by people passing her while she stood in front of a little café, seemingly ordering a to-go. Clint rather didn't believe she was oblivious to him following her but he had to admire her braveness – or stupidity? – to play it cool and order a coffee. On the other hand, he couldn't shoot her in a place as public as this, so maybe it wasn't just braveness.

Still, her figure seemed different from the videos he'd seen. On those she'd always seemed confident. Just like no one could harm her, like she had everything every time under control. Now, not so much. Her shoulders were slightly slumped and she favoured her left leg a bit. Her hair hat lost its shine and seemed in need of a dresser. Clint noticed a cut on her cheek that had barely started to heal and some bruises that were covered with make-up. But her eyes were the worst part. Clint had expected cold eyes, the eyes of someone who killed without remorse. The Black Widow's however looked… lost. The look of a betrayed friend. The look of someone who had just lost his home and everything he knew. The look of a child that didn't know where to turn to.

"Hawkeye? Your status?"

Clint was jerked out of his observations by the voice of his handler. "Located target. But… Coulson, are we sure she is the treat we think her to be? She's a girl!"

"Yes, we already made note of her gender," Coulson answered slightly wrought up. "What about it?"

"No, I mean… We thought she's a woman at the end of her twenties but I would bet my bow she's not even twenty. And trust me, it's no make-up or mask. She _is_ that young."

"What only makes her that more dangerous. Again, Hawkeye, what's your point?"

"She's younger than me when you took me in. When you gave me a chance."

Coulson groaned. "She's got you wrapped around her finger already?"

"No!" It hurt more than it should to be called unprofessional. "I'm just saying… she's running away from the KGB and whoever else is after her. But we could use someone with her expertise. You told me Fury wanted to start STRIKE Team Delta and-" A soft click in his ear indicating the comm line was now private shut Clint up.

"Listen now very carefully, Clint," Coulson began, all serious now. "The Black Widow was trained by the Soviets to be a spy and assassin. Who guarantees she won't turn against us? And do you think the World Council would just approve of letting a mole into our HQ? Not to mention Fury. When I offered you to work with SHIELD, I knew you were a good guy who'd lost the right path. She'd never even been on the right path. All we know from her is destruction and death."

"But-"

"If you are unable to finish your mission, get into the quinjet, move your ass back here and we send someone else." Then the line went silent again.

Clint cursed under his breath. He should have _known_ that Coulson would react that way. They had spent too much time already to track the Black Widow down; they couldn't allow any failures. Another string of swear words escaped him when he looked down again and his target was gone. Great. Just perfect. And then the sound of a bullet rang through the air. Clint scrambled onto his feet and ran over the rooftops. Some more shots were fired and the civilians on the ground fled the dangerous zone, screaming.

Four men had managed to circle the Black Widow, all of them aiming their guns at her. Another two men lay on the ground, either unconscious or dead. Clint nocked an arrow to his bowstring, observing the scene. If he was lucky, his job ended right now and he would be with Laura and little Cooper in just a few hours. But he caught himself aiming at the guy closest to her instead of pointing his arrow at the redhead herself. She was a girl. Full stop. And Clint would never forgive himself for killing a child when his gut was telling him that all she needed was an honest chance to change her life. He _knew_ Coulson would have his ass roasted afterwards, but he still loosened his arrow just before the guy could grab her.

Her head flew around, finding him instantly on the roof. Her eyes were big in surprise and Clint seemed to have her distracted enough (although unintendedly) so that another man had his fist connecting with her jaw. The Black Widow flung around and fell to the ground, her head hitting the pavement hard. Clint put an arrow through the man's throat before he could make another step. The remaining two he also took out with quickness and precision, only to slide down the roof and land on the street in a clean roll. He approached the Black Widow carefully, always vigilant to the fact that she could take him out in a mere blink. If she had been conscious, that is. Clint took action before his brain could swamp him with reasons why the hell he shouldn't do that and grabbed the redheaded girl, hoisted her over his shoulder and made a beeline towards his safe house. Not exactly his easiest task to do so inconspicuous, but some higher force seemed to help him to avoid the inrushing police forces.

He opened the door and gently laid her on the small sofa, binding her wrists and ankles just in case. The Black Widow might be just a girl but she was a deadly one. Clint spent the time waiting for her to wake up with dressing her wounds and eating the leftovers of the pizza from the evening before. He was pretty sure he had made a stupid ass decision but he just wasn't able to put an arrow through her head. Being able to look at her from up close now, he found her even younger than he thought. She probably wasn't even in her senior year at high school. Faint scars traced her skin, carefully hidden under the now partially smudged make-up; some of them seemed so old that she must have had acquired those during her early childhood. An unexplainable, hot anger filled Clint with that thought. Who was cruel enough to let children fight? To hurt them? He really doubted they stemmed from an abusive parent as it was the case with his oldest scars. With all that SHIELD knew she had lost her parents at a very young age; a tragic accident, if one believed the Russian reports.

She stirred when Clint was at his third coffee. Instantly she noticed the bindings on her arms and legs and she tried to free herself.

"Don't," Clint advised gently but startling her nonetheless. "You'll only hurt yourself more."

"You." Her tone was unbelieving. "The archer on the roof. If you hadn't put your arrow through that guy, I-"

"Would have been dead. Probably." He gave her another mug filled with coffee.

The Black Widow eyed it suspiciously and scoffed. "I wouldn't be here if I'd drink everything that was offered to me. What do you want? Intel? Names? Or do you just have a thing for redheads and a bondage fetish?"

"I was sent to kill you," Clint stated matter-of-factly, took the mug from her hands, sipped at it and gave it back to her. "No poison."

"Then you are a very bad killer if I'm still alive. Though those guys on the street would claim something different." She observed him and Clint felt like her gaze would burn right through to his bones. "They could have done the job for you. Why did you step in?"

"Hey, no need to thank me saving your life," Clint scoffed and rolled his eyes. Ungrateful little brat.

"I didn't ask you to."

"No, but you clearly seemed in need of some back-up and what can I say, if there's a damsel in distress I just have to help."

"Damsel in distress?" Anger lit up her eyes for a split second before it was gone again. "Then do us both a favour and finish your assignment."

Clint looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Why? Eager to die?"

"I'd rather die than be returned for re-education. They cannot get me."

"You're speaking of the KBG, right? We don't know much about you, but we do know that the KGB is on your heels after you ditched them. Been freelancing for some time now and let's just say the Russians aren't the only one after you."

"Figured as much when I saw you on that roof," she scoffed and finally took a sip of the coffee.

Clint shrugged. "It's hard to be constantly on the run, I know that. Never thought to settle down? Go straight?"

"There are people unable to go straight." Her voice was firm, never wavering, but in her eyes was a sadness and despair to be seen, Clint found her too young to feel.

"I don't think that's true. And I would like to offer you something. I will take you with me to my agency and you can start making up for the things you've done. We would protect you from whoever is after you."

"Why should you do that?" Anger laced the Black Widow's voice. Anger at him for offering her this chance, for giving her hope that she could change.

"Because once I was in your position and there was someone to offer me just this chance. I would like to return the favour." Clint sighed and stroked through his hair. "Look, you might be a killer but you're also a child. It's not too late for you to go straight should you want to do so." When the girl didn't respond but stared into her coffee, Clint shrugged his shoulders. "Make up your mind. I think you'd be comfortable with us and I just _know_ you're not only a ruthless killer. You're not a bad person per se. Nobody is. I saw you interacting with that homeless guy a few days' past and that really convinced me."

"And what about your boss?" she finally asked with a quiet voice, all confidence seemingly drained from her body. "When there is a standing kill order, I doubt to be welcomed with open arms."

"You probably won't," Clint admitted bluntly. People will distrust you solely because you're Russian and a dangerous assassin and spy. But that's also the reason why you'll finally will belong. Coulson can be a son of a bitch if he wants to but he knows an asset when he sees one and he's not heartless. And his boss… Well, let's just say that guy trusts no one but he could be persuaded."

"And you would risk that just because you're the good guy?" A smile that almost counted as disbelieving appeared on her lips.

Clint shrugged again, returning the smile. "What can I say? They'll roast my ass long enough, but they will me thank for that. Eventually. In thoughts." He pulled the blanket closer around her shoulders. "Rest. I need to call my handler I'll be on my way back and make some other calls. I'll wake you in time."

The Black Widow nodded and, surprising herself a little, grabbed Clint's sleeve when he turned away. "Thank you. You wouldn't have needed to do that and it will get you into a lot of trouble, so… thank you."

Clint just smiled. "Rest. You'll need your sleep."


	31. Emotional (101)

**A/N Dear readers, I'm late again nd I'm sorry about that. Additionally, this collection will be on hiatius until the 10th of March. I honestly don't manage to write both my theses and oneshots to upload and for you to read. My university courses sadly trump my wish to write fiction. I hope that's alright with you and we will see each other again in March. Then I will finally write the remaining prompts because I have neither forgotten nor forsaken them ;)**

 **Invader Johnny: I think so, too. I'm glad you like it.**

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Title: Emotional (#101)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Sarah feat. The Bus Team

Word count: ~2270

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„Where is she?" Natasha burst into the debriefing room, not caring the least about protocols. She could only remember one time while having been one of Coulson's agents when she had done exactly the same; one of Clint's solo missions shortly after he had brought her into SHIELD. She had been worried sick when they had brought him back all battered up and without conscious. But times had changed. Coulson was one of few agents lucky enough to retire instead of being killed during the job, stopping by then and now for a coffee and a chat. Well, he rather didn't get killed a second time. SHIELD was much smaller now though still on top of most other agencies. And her daughter had graduated from the academy only nine months ago just to join Coulson's old bus team – they still got the name though the Bus had retired too – and be a field agent. Sarah had made her mother _promise_ not to worry and so far Natasha had managed well. But now the team got back and the only seriously injured member of it was Sarah.

The room went quiet instantly, all eyes trained on her. "Natasha," Skye finally greeted her with a nod. "You can sit through debriefing if you want to."

For a moment's length, Natasha needed to remind herself that Skye was no longer the hacker-girl Coulson had picked up from the street years and years ago. Just like her old handler, Natasha couldn't think of her as Daisy. She didn't look like a Daisy, not fragile, not naïve. She rather resembled May now that she was leading the team. "I don't care about the mission, I want to know what happened to my daughter. _Now_." It was hard work to stay calm but Natasha found it easy to be scary at this point. Scary was good. Scared people gave up intel much easier.

Skye however seemed to be rather unfazed. "Okay then. Fitz, we're skipping your part for a moment. Jemma, you reconstructed what has happened; why don't you tell us?"

Jemma stood up, holding her clipboard pressed to her chest as if it could protect her from Natasha's cold gaze. She cleared her throat before starting her report in a firm voice albeit still slightly nervous. "Sarah was sent out to scout the facility from the ground. She had clear orders to not engage since we wanted to go in stealth mode. Sarah then told us over comms she spotted a single look-out beside an entrance. Daisy reminded her to not engage but she decided against orders. Sarah took out the sentinel to be able to look through the entrance he had guarded. It seemed to offer the opportunity of quiet infiltration but it was more heavily guarded than she or we thought. We heard shots being fired and then the comms went silent. Daisy and Bobbi went in to evacuate Sarah."

"What was her status when you pulled her out?" Natasha found it easier to deal with it like she would with any other mission gone south.

After an encouraging nod of Skye's, Jemma continued. "She was bleeding from several wounds, one of them inflicted by a bullet. Furthermore, she had a concussion, three broken ribs, several cuts and bruises and a broken finger. Vitals were okay. Aside from the deeper wounds, there was nothing immediately life threatening. None of the broken ribs punctured her lungs. We brought her here as fast as humanly possible and during the flight I've already tended to some of the wounds as good as I could manage in the jet."

Natasha nodded and turned to leave but was held back by Skye's voice. "Sarah hasn't been with us for long but she's an important member of the team. She's smart, quick and has a steady hand. And we all love her. Not because she's the daughter of two superheroes. More important, Sarah _wants_ to do this. Work in the field and protect people. She knew what that would include. If she wants to continue after she got clearance, I won't stop her to join the team again. And neither should you."

"She's a grown-up. And I can hardly stop her from anything, she's inherited Steve's bullhead," Natasha answered without turning around and let the door fall shut behind her when she exited the room. Her steps were firmly directed towards medical, causing any poor agent in hr path to hastily scramble aside. Part of her wanted to hug Sarah tightly, stroke her hair and close her into her old nursery to keep her safe from the world. Another part of her wanted to kill her for being s stupidly reckless. Especially when she just came from the Academy where they had exactly that drilled into her.

Steve already awaited her in medical, leaning against the wall to keep him from pacing but his foot kept tapping on the floor. He had been giving a training's class when Natasha had called him and was still wearing his combat suit, his hair a matted mess. For a moment Natasha wondered why they had called her first. Probably because her reaction had been better to guess than Steve's. Nobody wanted to test the calmness that normally was Steve Rogers.

"I talked to Skye," Natasha said by way of greeting. "It was pure stupidity that brought her here. Going in a room with no backup whatsoever." She allowed Steve to lay his arms around her and pull her close.

"We always knew she was strong-willed," Steve confirmed, placing his chin on the crown of her head. His hands rubbed her arms in a soothing manner. Natasha leant against him, breathing in the leather of his uniform. When she didn't respond, Steve exhaled like the weight of the world was pressing down on him. "She's already in her room but they are setting up the monitors and all that stuff. Surgery seemed to be okay but obviously being Captain America doesn't privilege you to getting intel without the doctor confirming it. You think we should call Fury?"

"Not yet," Natasha answered, her voice muffled by his chest. "Simmons told me Sarah wasn't in life threatening danger when they brought her here. Until we hear nothing else, we should call him in the morning. He's not the youngest anymore, Steve."

"He'll know by then. Skye tells Coulson, Coulson tells Fury. Or Skye tells Hill and she tells Fury. Or another agent can't keep his mouth shut."

Natasha shrugged. "Doesn't matter. He knows we'd tell him if Sarah was worse. He knows we wouldn't let her go without giving him the chance to say goodbye."

She could feel the stiff muscles under his suit tense up even more. "Don't say that," he managed to get out through gritted teeth. "Don't ever say that."

"You know that's not how I meant it. She'll be fine. Sarah will be fine, you hear me?" Natasha gently took his face in her hands, letting her thumb stroke over his cheek.

Steve avoided her gaze. "Do you know how often I stood here waiting for you to come out of surgery?"

"No."

"Too often. Sometimes they told me you were fine, nothing some meds and rest couldn't heal. But more often they told me they couldn't promise anything. That it was possible you never woke up again. That they didn't know whether you would survive the night."

"But I always pulled through. And so will Sarah."

Steve exhaled loudly again like he needed to force himself to stay calm. "But there will come a day when neither of you does. That's the danger in our line of work, isn't it? We're lucky enough to have seen our daughter grow up. What if-?"

"Steven Grant Rogers," Natasha interrupted him in a voice that was dangerously quiet. "We agreed when Sarah told us she wanted to be a field agent. We both agreed. We prepared her since then the best we could additionally to the Academy and yes, there will be a day when one of us won't be careful enough. But right now we have each other, we're all okay and that's all that counts. Ask Laura if you don't believe me." She stroked over his hair and massaged slightly his neck, knowing exactly what kind of touches would calm him down. "We will be there for her as long as we can and kick her ass if she needs it, just like we did since we took her home all those years ago. I promise. Is there a reason aside from Sarah being hurt that we are discussing this now?"

Steve closed his eyes, pulled Natasha even nearer and held her tight. "I don't know," he finally answered. "I was already worried for you when you were out in the field but now it's also Sarah risking her neck… It tires me."

"I'm not that often in the field anymore, you know that." Natasha returned his hug before she gently pried his arms off her. "And besides, you're not old enough to act that worried. And Sarah's no child anymore, she knows what she's doing. Well, most of the time."

Steve chuckled. "I'm over a century old. You're the one to always remind me of that."

A doctor appearing prevented Natasha from making a snarky remark. "Mr Rogers, Mrs Romanoff," he greeted with a nod. "There were no complications during the surgery of your daughter. She is already in her room, still sleeping, but she should wake up soon. You can get to her if you'd like to."

Steve nodded and laid an arm around Natasha's waist before following the doctor. When they reached Sarah's room, he held the door open for her to step through first. Natasha immediately walked over to the bed and sat in the chair beside it. Sarah's face was covered in cuts and bruises, and oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth. She was hooked to an IV and a sensor on her forefinger constantly checked her vitals. Natasha carefully stroked her reddish blond hair before she took one of Sarah's hands in her own.

"I don't get over it how much she looks like you," Steve almost whispered as to not disturb his sleeping daughter. He silently placed a chair beside Natasha's. "No wonder the junior agents can't concentrate on their training. Training in the same room as a Romanoff really isn't easy."

"Poor boys." A smile played on Natasha's lips but it neither reached her eyes nor her voice. "Maybe they pull her out of the field for being such a distraction."

"Hope dies last, huh?" Sarah's voice was nearly unintelligible and raspy but she had her parents' attention in an instant.

Natasha pressed a soft kiss on her hand. "How're you feeling?"

"Mushy. Sorry to worry you."

"Don't talk. You need your strength to heal." Steve smiled relieved. "Though you did scare us. And your team. Don't let it become a habit."

"Try not to." Sarah returned the smile and directed her gaze to her mother when Natasha held her hand more tightly. "Mum?"

"Don't you ever pull such a stunt again." Although her eyes shone suspiciously, Natasha's voice never wavered. "Skye should call you out for disobeying orders and waltzing in there like a stupid rookie. Your luck she likes you enough not to. What were you thinking? Why did you engage without waiting for backup?"

Sarah swallowed, seeming to be on the verge of tears herself. "I wanted to be like you," she finally answered hoarsely. "As an agent and Avenger, you always did your thing. I heard all the stories there are to hear about the infamous Strike Team DELTA. You and Uncle Clint only pulled stunts. I wanted to be as brave and good as you. I wanted to prove I'm here because I'm a good agent, not because my parents are Avengers."

"Oh sweetie!" Natasha shook her head slightly helplessly before looking at Sarah again. "Sarah, I'm doing this all my life. Literally. I could allow myself to act on own judgement because I had the experience to do so. You're still learning and Skye's the best SO you could wish for. She'll teach you everything there is to know. Bobbi too. It's not your time yet to make your own calls." She gently wiped the tears from Sarah's cheeks. "But your time will come. And I promise you, you will be a great agent. You just have to put the character streaks you've inherited from me aside for a few years and be more like your Dad. Just not when it comes to doing stupid things. The trophy for the most stupid or dangerous stunts pulled within the Avengers goes very clearly to him. Neither Clint nor I can top that."

"First of all, you need to get better," Steve added to change the topic, pulling his chair nearer to the bed. "And your Mum's right, you really need to stop giving us unnecessary heart attacks. I might have the serum but it can only do so much."

"Promise," Sarah whispered. "You called Grandpa?"

"Not yet, we're doing that in the morning. You're fine so no need to ring him out of bed in the middle of the night. Besides, he would give you a hell of a tongue-lashing. Be thankful he isn't here yet."

Natasha shuddered at that. "Your Dad's right, you wanna be in your right mind when Nick's angry. And he probably will be. Rightfully so."

"I understood it, Mum. I'll be more careful."

"Good. Remember, more Rogers, less Romanoff. At least in the field."


	32. Streets (095)

**A/N Alright guys, I am back! I hope you are as excited as I am that this collection will be continued, so I just wish you a lot of fun with this chapter and a great start into this weekend. I hope to get back to the weekly updates as soon as possible. This one is some bonding time of Natasha and Thor as requested in a prompt.**

 **Invader Johnny: Well, it's her daughter she's worried about. Though if she's only a tiny bit like her parents, Sarah will probably do as she wants while trying to make sure that her parents learn nothing of it.**

* * *

Title: Streets (#95)

Characters: Natasha, Thor

Word count: ~1900

* * *

Natasha was done beating dummies in the gym after she had tested the power of her new Widow's Bites which had let to a huge amount of melted rubber. She really needed to talk to Tony at some point. He couldn't just tinker with her stuff without mentioning to her what exactly he had improved. Right now they were powerful enough to electrocute Steve; not the intended result when she just wanted to tickle him.

But that would just have to wait. Tony had taken Bruce and Steve to some kind of party disguised as a charity event, knowing exactly that Natasha would attend such a thing only under the premise of being necessary to complete a mission. After acting as his PA, she absolutely detested high-end parties. Aside from that, Clint and she were still spies, agents of SHIELD; they shouldn't hold their face in every camera, not even as Avengers. Bad enough there was footage of them fighting in the Battle of New York.

Thor had refused to attend as well, claiming he wanted to spend the day learning about Midgardian customs. That's why Natasha found him in front of the large television Stark had put up on the common floor of the Tower. "I do not understand why Midgardians spend their time watching one another," he said with the all too familiar frown indicating his confusion when Natasha plopped down on the sofa beside him.

She shrugged in response. "It's nice now and then to watch a good movie but I prefer to spend my time in the gym or outside. In New York especially. Sure, there are more than enough tourist traps but it has some nicer places if you know where to look."

"Would you show me the honour of showing me those laces?" Thor looked at her expectantly and added in a somewhat smaller voice: "I would like to invite Lady Jane to show her the city of my friends."

A small smile tugged on Natasha's lips. "You really like that girl, huh? Clint told me she was in New Mexico."

"Yeah, she… she is someone special."

Natasha didn't miss the gleam in his eyes. "Well, then we put you into some inconspicuous clothes and hit the streets. Steve's quite bad at not standing out and you surely pose a challenge, but maybe I can teach you a thing or two. Mjölnir would have to stay behind, though. You'd be recognised immediately and then we wouldn't get far."

"You are probably right." Thor pulled a face nevertheless but led Natasha to his apartment in the Tower. It took her only a few minutes to pick out an outfit that basically screamed _tourist_. She even went as far as to pick Clint's lock to steal his ugliest backpack – the one he had bought himself – and put a big water bottle, a tourist guide of New York and a rain jacket in it. Then she went in her own apartment to change her clothes. Her choice fell on a loose-fitted jeans, a pair of wedged sneakers so she wouldn't look too small beside Thor and a tank top hid beneath her favourite hooded jacket. The red hair she bound into a low ponytail, so she could easier hide it completely beneath the hood when necessary.

Thor already waited for her in the common room and accepted the backpack without further notice.

"There's something you wanna start with? Something you've heard about?" Natasha asked.

"Friends Stark and Barton told me about some delicious dish called hotdog if I remember correctly." Thor answered while they rode the elevator downwards.

Natasha smiled. "Good thing to start. You get those at every corner here but Clint once showed me where you can get the best." She reached up to adjust his baseball cap before they left the Tower.

The evening was busy as usual in this big city. Cars chased each other on the wide streets and tourists as well as permanent residents tried to outdo each other in their walking pace. Street artists played instruments, acted and juggled to gain the pedestrians' attention but their hats filled only slowly. Natasha watched Thor drinking in everything while she also kept an eye on their surroundings. One could never knew who used a crowd to hide themselves in; she as a spy knew this better than most. Besides, it would really kill the peaceful mood of someone stole their wallets.

Natasha led them to her favourite hotdog stand, selling them just around the corner of Central Park. She ordered two with pickles and roasted onions on top and added a generous amount of mustard. "Here you go." She presented Thor with his hotdog.

Thor took a big bite chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "It is most delicious. Perhaps I should also introduce this hotdog to the Warriors Three and Lady Sif."

"Your friends Coulson met in New Mexico?" Natasha remembered her handler talking about the Asgardian warriors defeating the giant machinery about to destroy Puento Antiguo. "He was quite fascinated by their skills. Lady Sif's especially."

"She is one of only few female warriors in Asgard," Thor explained with clear pride in his voice. "She was laughed at when she claimed she would be fighting for my father one day but during our training she beat me more than once. I gladly went into battle knowing she and the Warriors Three would have my back. You should meet some day. Lady Sif and you are quite similar, fighting in a world full of male warriors but keeping your stance firmly."

"I might be good at hand-to-hand combat and firing guns, but my whole life was more the world of espionage and silent assassinations," Natasha answered quietly and shrugged. "New York was my first big battle and I sure as hell haven't held a sword in my life."

"Your fighting styles might be different but both of you are brave women, not afraid to give your life to help achieve a greater goal. That is something to be admired," Thor claimed, his features serious. "I saw you during our battle and never once thought of you as a hindrance. You wielded the Chitauri's weapons like you had known them all your life. And you were the one to close Loki's portal in the end."

"Now stop flattering or I have to punch you." Natasha's voice sounded only half amused.

Thor smiled. "As you wish. I wouldn't want to risk the wrath of a mighty warrior."

They walked in silence for a while through Central Park, both enjoying the relative quiet that was to be found there. Then, suddenly, Natasha asked: "Tell me of Asgard."

"Asgard is… the most beautiful place one can ask to see," Thor started, a slightly sad smile on his lips. "The healers there are able to cure most sicknesses. My people tend to reach an old age before we wither and fade; much older than mankind. Most of us die gloriously in battle and reach Valhalla to sit with our ancestors, eating the finest meat and drinking the strongest mead until the end of all worlds, Ragnarok. Choose any art you like and you will find the best on Asgard."

"It sounds like a place one must have been at least once," Natasha said, returning Thor's smile. "Almost magical, the way you tell of it. I assume humankind is not often a visitor to your home?"

"No." Thor shook his head. "But I might can persuade my father to allow you a visit. You are a warrior, after all, and the Allfather appreciates warriors. And I would be able to return the favour and show you my home. Volstagg will want to celebrate meeting one of my earthly friends and when Volstagg decides something worthy of a celebration, there will be boar. I promise, you will never taste anything finer."

"Not even a New Yorker hotdog?"

Thor laughed. "No. But close." Again there was a comfortable silence between the two of them before he spoke up again. "You know… There was a time when I couldn't wait to become king. I knew I was born to sit on the throne, to take my father's place. I was proud, and reckless. Loki was always in my shadow, I recognize that now. He fought with the Warriors Three, Lady Sif and me but he never… belonged."

"Neither did I," Natasha answered, shrugging her shoulders. "And although Clint showed me how it can be when your part of a family and although the Avengers are my team, sometimes it feels like I don't have a place in the world. And never will. But I didn't invite an alien army to earth."

"Loki was not always like that. He is… he is my little brother. After all he did, I cannot hate him."

"I'm not telling you you should. I'm just saying that people are different. Some try to atone for their past. Others only know to help themselves through destruction. Loki can count himself lucky to have you. If there hadn't been Clint who'd believed in me, I'd probably be dead by now." Natasha shrugged again, a crooked smile playing on her lips.

Thor contemplated her for a moment, pushing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. "Maybe you should talk to him. Explain him just this."

"No," Natasha said too quickly. "Next time I meet your brother, he won't know his name anymore once I'm through with it. And I don't mean it in any sexual way. He killed Coulson."

"I know." Thor held his hands up like in surrender. "I am sorry. I met Son of Coul when I first was on Midgard and he had my respect."

"Thank you. My reaction-"

"Is completely understandable," finished Thor for her, his tone not allowing any kind of protest. He was your friend. It does not matter whether he fell in battle or not. But I am sure he is drinking with his ancestors, sitting at the high table."

"And telling everyone he met Captain America," Natasha smiled without it reaching her eyes. Her thoughts were with the trade card she had stolen from Fury and kept in a locked drawer in her room.

"Everyone can be proud having met the Captain," Thor said. "Or either warrior who fought the Chitauri with us for that matter. Everyone did their part, big and small. When I return to Asgard, I will tell the stories of our deeds for that the young ones learn your names and what you did to protect your home."

Natasha looked at Thor. She'd probably known he would return home again but she had grown used to having the loud and cheerful man around. He was as much part of the team as everyone else. "When will you leave?"

Now it was Thor who shrugged. "I am not sure yet. I do not want to wait too long; there is much to do in Asgard, especially after Loki's treason."

Natasha nodded, following the path quietly. Thor smiled. "But whenever my friends request my help, I will gladly answer their call. Midgard is now as much under my protection as Asgard."

"That's good to know," the redhead grinned. "I'm just waiting for the boys to find out whether they can lift your hammer."

Thor returned her grin with just as much amusement. "They shall each get their chance."


	33. Sunset (003)

**A/N: Hello folks. Again this is a chapter I feel like I should apologize in advance for. Two reasons: firstly, I didn't manage to finish the chapter in time where Nat trains her junior agents, so this will hopefully (finally!) be the next one. Secondly, this is quite a ninja-cutting-onions-session. It's kind of a writing therapy for me; you'll see though I don't do dedicating, this one is for Jules.  
**

 **Though it's kinda sad, I hope you'll leave me a review to tell me what you think when you have a minute or two to spare ;)**

 **Invader Johnny: That'd be really awesome, though I don't think anyone would expect her to be able to lift it, least herself.**

* * *

Title: Sunset (#003)

Characters: Natasha, Steve (relationship), Sarah, Akela

Word count: ~3650

* * *

"Okay, careful," Steve murmured when he turned the key and opened the door. With one leg he hindered Akela from running to Natasha while he tried to enter the house at the same time. "Really, I left him just two hours ago or something like that. And I _know_ Bucky was with him while I was at the hospital."

"Aw, honey, we already established years ago he loves me more. Maybe you have more luck with our daughter," Natasha answered with a grin and kissed Steve on the cheek. Then she entered the house and hoisted the little bundle in her arms in a way she could greet Akela satisfyingly without letting the baby fall. "Yeah, I missed you too buddy. Been some long days, huh? We brought someone with us I'd like you to meet. You're ready for that? Alright, sit down. Sit! Good boy."

Akela wagged his tail while sitting impatiently. Steve held his collar for any case of emergency. He trusted Akela but he also knew the dog's curiosity and his eagerness to explore everything new though he wasn't the youngest anymore. Natasha lowered Sarah until Akela could see her chubby face. "That's Sarah," Natasha said quietly with a smile. "She's a part of this family now. I really hope you two get along with each other. That would mean a lot to us, you know?"

Akela cocked his head when Natasha presented him the baby. Then, carefully, he leaned in, still at least partly sitting, until he could sniff her face. Natasha and Steve both held their breath, ready to intervene at any moment. Whatever it was that he smelled, it caused Akela to gently lick Sarah's cheek. In response, Sarah scrunched up her nose, then blinked both confused and interested at the dog.

Natasha smiled. "You'll have a lot of fun together once Sarah's older." She petted Akela's head, glad that the dog seemed to accept their newest family member without any problems. She wouldn't have found it in her heart to give him away if he had reacted in a more dangerous way.

"Come on, I'll bring her to bed," Steve offered, finally releasing Akela's collar. "You have to be tired and should rest. Maybe we can order something to eat today or Bucky can bring us something."

"You know I love Bucky almost as much as you do and although he is a part of the family, today I would like it to be just the four of us. If that's alright with you." Gently she placed Sarah into Steve's arms, kissing her goodnight. "But why don't we invite him over tomorrow? He can practice holding her. In the hospital, he seemed rather afraid of our little girl."

"He will get used to her. Okay, so I bring her to bed and you take care of the food? Order whatever you like. And I'll call Bucky later."

"You're the best." Natasha also kissed Steve, then lightly tapped her leg to show Akela to follow her, a command the dog knew since he was a pup. But this time he only looked after her for a second or two until he decided to follow Steve instead. Natasha frowned. Although the dog disobeyed only sporadically, most of the time he had a reason to do so. That was why Natasha decided to sneak after him upstairs. The door to Sarah's room stood open and light shone out. She could hear Steve talking quietly to her and Sarah seemed tired enough already to whimper slightly so he knew to hurry. The redhead smiled. Raising Sarah would pose a challenge, that much she already knew. Her eyes caught Akela standing in the doorway, one of his front paws twitching as if he wasn't sure whether he was allowed inside or not. While the room had still been to be furnished, he had been constantly near them while they had put together the furniture and painted the walls. Now that this room obviously belonged to the tiny human being, he wasn't so sure anymore.

"You can come in if you're quiet," Steve called quietly from inside. That seemed to be everything Akela had needed. He carefully stepped inside and Natasha followed soundlessly until she occupied the spot where he had formerly been standing. Leaning against the frame, she observed the little scene in front of her with a smile.

Steve laid Sarah down into her crib. While he checked twice that the baby monitor did work, Akela slunk closer to the crib, sniffing slightly. Convinced that everything was alright, he huffed quietly, turned around and laid down.

"Seems like he likes her more than you," Steve noted with a grin when he turned to the door and found Natasha standing there.

Natasha shrugged. "Wait until she pulls his tail for the first time, then he'll come crawling back to me."

"If it makes you happy." Steve pulled her close when they left the room and left the door ajar, just in case Akela decided he wanted to be somewhere else for the night.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Come on, Sarah. Show Uncle Bucky how big a girl you are. Walk to me, come on." Bucky kneeled on the floor, his hands outstretched. Sarah sat just a few steps away, mirroring Bucky's gesture every once in a while but refused to stand up.

Natasha coming back from a walk with Akela, entered the room. Akela, who had been on her heels, immediately sprung forwards, greeted Bucky with a wagging tail. The redhead gifted Bucky with a knowing smile. "She doesn't want to walk for you, does she?"

"No." Bucky groaned and tousled Akela's fur. "Steve showed me the video but I wanted to see for myself."

Natasha whistled shortly to gain Akela's attention. The dog looked at her with pricked ears. "Help Sarah to Bucky."

Akela walked over to Sarah and nudged her gently. Then he positioned himself at her side and whined softly. Sarah in return gripped his fur tightly and used him assistance to stand up. Together they made their way slowly towards Bucky, who regarded the scene before him with amazement. Instead of bringing Sarah all the way, Akela stopped shortly before Bucky.

"Come here, baby girl. You can do the rest alone, I'll catch you," he promised, his arms again outstretched. Sarah took her time to decide, but when all tugging and grouching didn't move Akela another step, she let go of his fur and stumbled on unsure legs to her uncle. Bucky caught her when she lost her balance and held her high. "You did it, Sarah! That was really, really good." He let her down again and stretched one arm to Akela to pet him. "You were great too, buddy. You'll look out for her, will you?"

"He's the best. She'll learn to walk without him, but if Akela gives her confidence, why should we not let him help her?"

"They seem like a good team," Bucky agreed and handed Sarah over to Natasha when the little girl demanded her mother loudly. "How old's Akela now?"

"We got him almost nine years ago. He was about half a year or so back then, we don't know for sure." Bucky nodded and smiled when the dog turned his belly towards him, demanding to be petted. Worry flickered for a moment over Natasha's face, but it was gone just as quick. "Thanks again for watching her. I love her, I really do, but sometimes it's nice to go running with the dog without having to fear to jostle her."

"My pleasure," Bucky answered, his attention completely on Akela. "She's easy to look after. Although that'll probably change once she can talk or, God forbid, is after the guys. Did you and Steve already decide who's gonna be the one to make her boyfriend's life a living hell?"

"Still debating. I want to do it to make sure the guy is honest with her. Steve wants to do it because he's afraid I'll scare the poor guy into therapy."

"Justified reason, if I'm allowed to throw in my two pennies worth," Bucky grinned.

Natasha scoffed. "As if _any_ of you guys will let her date before she's thirty. Isn't that right, Sarah? Your uncles all don't want you to have fun when you're old enough."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "So you _wanna_ be grandma?"

"There are some modern-day inventions to prevent certain things from happening."

As a response, Bucky only raised one eyebrow even higher and looked pointedly at Sarah.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "We had every reason to be sure it wouldn't happen. Red Room, remember? But I don't regret it. I don't regret _her_."

"Ever thought of a sibling for her? A little brother, perhaps? James is a popular name again, I've heard."

Natasha grinned at him. "I'm sure it is." Then she grew serious again, watching Sarah play with her red hair. "We talked about it. Steve would like to have siblings for her. He wants her to have what he had with you growing up. But I… She's the kid of two Avengers. If someone wants to get to Steve or me, he only has to threaten her. I'm not saying Sarah's a weakness but rather she's in danger just because of her relationship to the Avengers. I don't want to bring another innocent child into this position. Steve understands that, but… I get his point too. I think, if I hadn't grown up in the Red Room, I would have liked to have a sister. Or a brother."

"She'll find friends," Bucky answered, wanting to lighten the mood. "You know, having an honorary brother can drive you nuts when he's like the punk. Maybe you want to save her from that experience."

"Frankly, I fear the day when Sarah and Akela decide to work against us. I don't think anything could stop them."

"No, probably not." Bucky returned her grin.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Alright, Sarah, we have to go. Come on, you need you coat. It's cold outside." Natasha waited patiently at the door. Sarah's first day in playschool and although she had talked for days of nothing else, now she was taking her time. Big time.

Finally she arrived at the door, Akela carrying her tiny pink backpack in his mouth. "Can Akela come too?"

"No, sweetie, but you'll see him when you come home again." Patiently Natasha sat Sarah down on the little bench to put on her shoes.

"And if he misses me?"

"He won't have time to realize you're not home," Natasha answered, helping her in his coat. "I take him for a walk when I'm back home and after I picked you up, you two can play again together."

"But _I_ miss him there. I don't want to go if he can't come!" Stubbornly Sarah crossed her arms, a gesture she had learned from Natasha. But the frown on her little forehead was all Steve.

Natasha sighed and hunkered down to be on eye-level with her. "Look, Sarah. You know that your Uncle Clint is my best friend? But I also like to spend time with other friends. Akela wants to meet his dog-friends once in a while to play with them and your Dad and I would be very happy if you find some other kids to befriend and play with. That doesn't mean you'll like Akela any less or that he likes you any less. Just sometimes one needs some time with others, too. And I bet Akela would be thrilled if you found some new friends at playschool. They could come over sometime and you could play together with Akela."

"I don't like sharing him," Sarah answered quietly, her gaze towards the floor.

"Well, you share him already with daddy and me, you know." She pressed a gentle kiss to her daughter's crown. Akela moved closer after letting the backpack fall to the ground and nudged Sarah's hand to animate her to pet him.

Sarah obliged with a sad smile that almost broke Natasha's heart. "Can you bring Akela when you pick me up?"

"Sure thing. Now come on, we don't want you to be late on your first day."

Sarah let go of Akela und picked up the backpack. She hugged Akela goodbye one last time, then walked out the front door Natasha held open for her. Akela in turn laid down.

"I'll be back soon, buddy," Natasha promised with a smile.

~#~#~#~#~#~

It was the almost stomping steps that awoke both Steve and Natasha in the middle of the night. Within seconds they were wide awake, Natasha pointing a gun at the door and Steve standing beside the bed, his shield ready in hand. When they recognized the little figure in the doorframe, both lowered their weapons.

"Sarah, why are you up at this time?" Steve asked, placing the shield back on its place and ran his hand over his face.

"I think something's wrong with Akela." The six-year-old's voice shook slightly and blank fear was written in her eyes.

Natasha and Steve exchanged one quick glance. "Why don't you stay with daddy and I look after Akela? Try to sleep." Natasha abandoned her side of the bed and fixed a calming smile on her lips. She held the blanket up for Sarah to crawl under it, placed a reassuring kiss on her cheek and pulled the door close behind her. On the way to Sarah's room where Akela slept since the first night they had brought her home, Natasha allowed herself a moment of fear. She had known this day would come eventually but had dreaded it as much as Steve or Sarah. Memories of a cold dormitory, steel-framed beds and the fading warmth of a dog's body flooded her. She shook her head to clear it again. Now was not the time. Steve would take care of Sarah for now, but Akela counted on her. She would not disappoint him.

Natasha entered the child's room. Akela was lying on his belly, breathing heavily while his body shook. "It's alright, buddy," Natasha said soothingly and sat down beside him, petting him to ease the tension out of his body. "We both knew this day would come sooner or later. Remember your last check at the vet? If you need to go now, that's fine. We all will miss you but none of us would want to force you to stay. Sarah knows of the pills you had to take, though I don't think she understands fully why you needed those." She could feel Akela slowly relaxing beneath her touches. Natasha laid down beside him on the floor, propped up on one elbow and the other hand continuing to stroke his fur. "We had a great time together, didn't we?" she continued quietly. "I'm really glad Steve caught me off guard back then. And I'm happy you trusted me; deservedly, I hope. Sarah couldn't have wished for a better friend growing up. Remember when Nick first came to visit after we brought her home? You never were aggressive, but you all but _growled_ at him when he tried to hold her. And he growled right back at you. You were surprised by that, weren't you? Don't worry, I was, too. Steve and I, we were so _relieved_ when you decided to be her protector rather to be jealous at her. Seems to happen often as I've heard. And we were worried. But you're no ordinary dog, right, buddy? You're special. Thank you for all those years. I don't know how to make this any easier on you, Akela. I'm sorry. But I'll stay with you, alright? You won't be alone. If that's okay with you, Sarah will say goodbye afterwards. She's so young, I… I don't want her to see you like this. If that's okay with you. God, I don't know what to do."

Natasha moved closer to Akela to share her body's warmth with him and buried her face in his fur for a moment. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she looked at him again. "Sorry, buddy. Being with SHIELD and the Avengers made me soft and after Sarah was born… But I don't want you to worry about me, alright? I'll be okay. Steve'll be okay. And Sarah, too. Once she's older she'll appreciate having you growing up. You taught her so much and if she's half the person I think her to be, she'll never really forget you. Neither will I. Thank you for being my second chance. For being everything one could wish from a dog. For being a member of our little family. I'm really glad someone abandoned you, otherwise we'd have really missed out on something."

Akela's laboured breath was slower now, almost undetectable. His eyes fluttered closer with every moment that passed and the tension had left his body. Natasha moved her hand to his head, feeling the soft fur there between his ears. With one finger she stroked from between his eyes down to his nose, causing Akela to close his eyes. "Sleep now," she whispered, not trusting her voice. "I'll be there when you wake up. No need to be afraid."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Hey munchkin. Everything alright?" Fury sat down beside Sarah in the shadow of the cherry tree in the garden. Sarah only looked at him like he wasn't serious, then held her gaze low again. Fury grimaced. "Sorry, dumb question. Maybe I'm getting old." They sat in quiet for a while which Fury used to take a closer look at the girl. She was pale, dark rings underneath her red eyes. It gave his heart a painful twist. "Your dad tells me you won't talk to your mom."

"She didn't tell me. She knew what was happening and she didn't tell me so I could say goodbye in time. I hate her!"

"Hate is a very strong emotion," Fury mused, leaning against the tree trunk. "There are not many people I ever really hated in my life but none of them tried to protect me."

"She wasn't protecting me."

"Are you sure about that? You know, if I had been at your place that night, I'd be pretty scared."

"I wasn't," Sarah answered stubbornly.

A small smile flickered across Fury's face, but he was serious only a moment later. "Well, then you are an extraordinary girl. I bet your mom was scared too."

Sarah sniffed loudly. "I just wanted to say goodbye to him. He was my friend!"

"Akela was everyone's friend as long as no one tried to threaten his family. But you did say goodbye when you buried him, didn't you? As did your dad. Is he angry at your mother too?"

"No, but dad's never angry at her."

Fury chuckled lowly. "Now, that's not true. He might not yell at her but he has his own way of being angry. Trust me, I've seen him being angry at Natasha when they worked together. But you know what? In the end, they always managed to make it up. Otherwise you wouldn't be here." Again, it was quiet for some time. "Your dad also told me he's worried about you. Because you don't sleep so well."

Sarah shrugged her little shoulders. "Akela was always there to protect me from monsters when I was sleeping. But without him I have nightmares."

"That's what I thought." Fury nodded and reached inside his coat he was wearing despite the warm day. "That's why I brought you this." He gave her a plush dog, a replica of Akela. It was perfect unto the last coloured hair on his head, but way smaller so that it wouldn't take too much room when Sarah took it into bed.

The little girl's eyes grew big with surprise and something that could almost be relief. "Where did you get that?"

"I talked with your Uncle Tony, he needed a new project. It doesn't move but maybe it still keeps the nightmares at bay. I know that this toy won't be able to replace Akela; nothing can. But maybe it can be there until it doesn't hurt so much anymore."

"Thank you." Sarah's voice was choked and she pressed the plush tightly against herself. "Do you think I'll see him again. Daddy says, when we die we go to heaven but are dogs also allowed there?"

"Well, I'm not sure I'm better informed than your dad on that matter, but if any dog ever deserved to go to heaven it's Akela. That I'm sure of. But will you do me a favour? Talk to your mother. She only wanted the best for you and she also lost a friend. It's not easy for her, too, although she doesn't seem like it. But that's how your mom deals with such things. She hasn't learned it any other way, hasn't learned that crying is okay and can do you something good sometimes."

"Did Uncle Tony build her an Akela too to remember him?"

"No. This plush is only for you. It's unique. But you can give her this, if you like." Fury again reached inside his coat and pulled out a wristband and a lanyard keychain, both made of something that looked suspiciously like Akela's last collar. "The wristband's for your mom, the other one for your dad. Though I don't think either one of them will forget the dog."

"Thank you, grandpa." Sarah slung her arms around Fury's neck and held onto him tightly, burying her face in his neck and the plush toy firmly gripped in one hand.

Fury smiled and returned the hug. "For you, always. Shall we give those to your parents?" Sarah nodded but refused to let go so that he held her in place, stood up and carried her over to the house, hoping he had been able to offer at least some kind of consolation for all of them.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Just a few words for those who might have already experienced a loss of that kind or fear it in the future: It hurts. Big time. But it gets better and eventually you're able to laugh about the good times you had. Promise. And I'm sorry if this chapter ripped open old wounds but I found that it helps sometimes you're not alone. So enjoy the time you have with your own Akela (be it dog, cat, horse or something else entirely) and focus on the good time you spend together.**


	34. Games (051)

**A/N How are you doing? Everything good? Great :) I'm just reading the Beowulf translation of Tolkien for my Bachelor thesis plus the commentary which consists of his lectures to this topic and this guy is just hilarious. Whoever is interested in such stuff, I highly recommend it. Well, after you read and reviewed this oneshot, of course ;) It's finally the continuation of chapter 29 and I hope you like it as much as I do.**

 **Invader Johnny: Thank you very much. Yeah, I figured Fury would rather be the nice and understanding kind of grandpa instead of the grumpy one.**

 **WidowInBlack: First of all: welcome back. Don't worry, I took a break from posting, too, so everything is alright. Though you can of course drop reviews to earlier chapters, I'm more than okay with that! I'm glad I could give you at least some comfort; sadly I know from experience that it can be a pretty hard time. Thank you very much for your praise, here is finally the "real" training chapter you suggested.**

* * *

Title: Games (#51)

Characters: Natasha, two rookies, feat. Clint

Word count: ~2480

* * *

Natasha placed another sharp mousetrap on the floor of the gym. The mats she had put into the farthest corner and a maze was now outlined with tape. A maze filled with mousetraps. She put her hands on her hips and nodded satisfied after taking a look around. This should be enough.

"Alright, I have to ask," Clint said from the door, a questioning frown on his forehead. "What the hell are you up to? Rumlow is pissed you blocked the entire gym but seemingly not pissed enough to come here and ask why."

"Training," Natasha answered matter-of-factly without looking at him.

"Oh, those poor rookies Fury lets you torture? I'm really glad you never were _my_ SO. What have they done to deserve such punishment?"

Natasha smirked. "Maybe you would have become a better team player."

"Yeah, because _you_ are the most team playing agent I've ever seen," Clint snorted. "Wanna meet me for a pie afterwards? I heard they have chocolate tarte today."

"Sure. I'll let you know when I'm done here." Although her voice was firm and playful as always, she was nervous. She didn't care for try-outs but now the lives of those two recruits she specifically asked to train would lie in her hands. She was the one responsible if they weren't prepared enough for field work.

"You'll manage them. Good luck." And with that Clint left.

Natasha wasn't left alone with her thoughts for long, though. Two p.m. sharp, soon-to-be fully fledged agents Brooks and Watson entered the gym, looking around warily. Both wore the typical gym clothes every SHIELD agent got, the logo on their breasts and on the sides of their trousers.

"Lose your shoes. You won't need them today," Natasha ordered and waited until the two of them were ready. "Today it's not about fighting. It is important, yes, but both of you showed enough skill so we can neglect it for the first lesson. I am not here to tell you how to behave in every possible situation; no one can do that. But I will prepare you to deal with every possible situation in a way preferably both of you make it out alive. For that, it is most important that you trust each other. When one of you yells left, the other one shouldn't have to ask whether to duck or shoot. That's how good you need to know each other. I'm aware this isn't achieved over night, but it should be the final goal. Blind trust. We'll start with the first step today. Literally. Any questions?"

Brooks hesitantly raised his hand. "Blind trust in every situation?"

Natasha smiled. "No. You're still supposed to use your own head. It's a fine line, I know, but one day it could decide over life and death. Same goes for your SO or handler, by the way. I'm not exactly encouraging disobeying, but when going through the mission parameters, it's good to ask a question or two if something seems unclear or concerning. Same here. Don't be afraid to ask questions. You'd probably heard enough about me, be it true or not, but I won't kill you just for asking questions."

Watson cleared her throat. "They told us something different at the Academy. Concerning questioning the actions of senior agents."

"I know. They want to integrate you into SHIELD's structure as smoothly as possible but I want you to survive in the field. More often than not, you will be out there alone with no SO to ask how to do things when the mission parameters suddenly don't fit to the mission anymore. Then you have to stray from what was told to be able to finish the mission or make it out there alive." Natasha was quiet for a few moments. When none spoke up again, she took the blindfold and showed it to the recruits. "I will blind one of you. This someone has to go through the maze, preferably mostly unharmed. The other one will play guide. I want you to collect the as much ammunition as you can while going through the maze. You are only supposed to guide with your voice: left, right, big step… You get it. As I said, it's about building trust. And I kind of want to know how much you can take. So, who wants to start?"

Brooks and Watson looked at each other for a long moment, before Watson stepped forward, sighing, and turned her back to Natasha. Natasha in turn laid the fabric over her eyes and gently knotted it at the back of her head. Carefully she steered Watson to the start of the maze, Brooks following close.

"Alright, eh… three steps just straight forward. No, no, not that big! Yeah, better. Now you turn 90 degrees to your right. Stop! Good. Another five, no _four_ steps forward and-"

Watson's howl cut his word, jumping on one foot and holding the other one where a mousetrap hung on her little toe. "God, dammit!"

"Sorry!" Brooks seemed honestly contrite. He hurried over to her, careful to not step on the mousetraps himself, and helped her get it off.

"Alright guys, again. Three times each of you, then you switch places. Try to give directions as clearly as possible and try to follow said directions as accurate. You're supposed to work as a team."

It took them another three hours until they managed to collect most of the ammunition scattered across the gym. Both junior agents were breathless and marked by the mousetraps on multiple places. Despite everything, they seemed more than pleased with themselves. Natasha nodded at them, an honest smile on her lips. "Good work today. I mean that. Go shower, get some rest and order some pizza. Try to get to know each other better; your favourite movie, vegetables you hate, I don't care. Spend time with each other. Not necessarily twenty-four seven, but it'll help you to not work with a stranger. We see each other again in two days."

"Again with the mousetraps?" Watson's voice sounded tired and she carefully put the shoes over her wounded feet.

"No. Promise. One last thing before you go." Natasha grimaced slightly, somehow fearing their answer. She wanted to do it _right_. "Director Fury wanted me to tell you, that you always have the chance to change your SO. So if you think I'm hard-ass on you, you're not stuck with me."

"You're kidding, right?" Brooks gaped at her. "No! I heard Marcus is crawling through mud for _days_. I'd rather step into another fifty mousetraps."

Natasha shook her head, smiling. "Just wanted to let you know you have the option. If you think it's worth it, come back in two days. I'll be here."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"We're supposed to do _what_?" Brooks' voice broke slightly and he gulped. As if he were looking for help, his eyes searched for Watson, but she only shrugged as an answer.

"An important part of your field work will be to gather intel. I don't care how you're doing it and I'll take full responsibility, don't worry. They won't kick you out for that."

"But we… But he…"

"I think what my partner wants to say, is that although we're not for long in the agency yet, we heard the tales of Agent Coulson and his trading cards. So we are slightly worried concerning his reaction should he catch us stealing them. And he probably will notice them missing," Watson translated.

Natasha winked at them. "Questioning the mission parameters of your SO, good. Still, I want you to swipe one of them. I don't care which one and as I said, I claim full responsibility. Once you manage this, there's little you have to be afraid of anymore."

Brooks seemed to have accepted his fate. "Where does he keep them?"

"That you have to find out. You have one week. During that time there won't be any lessons so you can direct your full attention to your task at hand. That's all for today." Natasha watched the junior agents leaving, discussing animatedly but quietly how they were going to start.

"I see, the old trial of courage," Clint mused with a grin, nodding at Natasha. "Seems you haven't forgotten your first month here."

"I thought that's it, back then," Natasha replied with a chuckle. "That you had had enough of me and wanted to get rid of me. Finally. But it seemed to be an old tradition when I was new here."

"It is. Usually two guys from the Academy each year have to do it but the chance on getting you to swipe a card was too good to pass up on that. Coulson was impressed. As your SO he had you so often under his nose you had barely the time to get them."

"I told you before, I'm good," Natasha retorted and returned his grin.

Clint rolled his eyes. "And there is your confidence again. Seriously, do you still think for real those guys would trade you in for another SO after how many weeks are it now?"

Natasha shrugged. "My methods are not exactly KGB but they are not traditional either. I admire their stamina."

"You're doing good. Different, but good." Clint shrugged and laid an arm around her shoulders. "Besides, if they survive your training, there's literally nothing out there they won't be prepared for." He dodged Natasha's elbow aiming for his ribs and let go off her. "Come on, food's on me. Wanna bet how long your baby spiders take to get their hands on one of the cards?"

"Baby spiders? And I say four days." Pride and confidence coloured her voice and Natasha let Clint guide her to the cafeteria.

Clint shrugged. "Hill came up with the name after she Fury told her you wanted to teach two recruits yourself. I say they need the whole week. What's at stake? A steak?"

"You know, that pun is really bad, but I let it pass. A steak in that steakhouse you showed me back then?"

"Sure."

Four days later, it was obvious Natasha knew her little spiders better than Clint did.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Alright, guys, one last round and I'll send you off to the showers. Remember, the one with the least amount of colour splashes wins. And whoever gets to shoot Barton gets extra points." Natasha stepped aside and signalled Clint to start aiming for the rookies again. She has asked him to join them for training this time so she could better observe the weaknesses of her proteges and correct the mistakes they made. Paintballs were painful but did less damage than rubber bullets. She noticed Fury entering halfway through the exercise, acknowledged him with a nod and then directed her attention towards the middle of the gym where she had built an obstacle course the day prior.

"Didn't know the Director himself is interested in how the rookies are developing," she noted quietly before raising her voice. "Watson, stay near your partner to be able to cover him. And Brooks, if I see your foot again when your hiding, I'll shoot it myself."

"Only your rookies," Fury admitted and smirked at Natasha's methods. "How are they doing?"

"Fine. Today they're a little off but after I chased them round the perimeter yesterday, that's alright. Their aim got quite good, actually; even Barton had to admit that. And their hand-to-hand skills got even better than during their try-outs. Last week I had them assemble different types of weapons and frankly I was surprised at how fast they were. Three minor mistakes and they managed to work it out together. We're still working at unleashing but their intel gathering is pretty good. Brooks is a natural at hacking; too bad he applied for Academy of Operations instead of Communication, but we'll make something out of him. Watson's the more tactical of the two, making most of the decisions when they are assigned an exercise together."

Fury nodded at her words. "Would you think they are fit for a real first mission?"

Natasha took her time answering. She _knew_ she couldn't prepare them for everything; that was impossible. But she wanted to do so as good as she could. On the other hand, Natasha also knew that both Brooks and Watson were her to be field agents, not to be trained until they were fifty. "If you send those two, you can bet they'll complete the mission."

"I expected nothing else. Tell them I want to see them in my office when they are done here and showered. And hand in your final report by the end of the week."

"Yes, Director," Natasha answered reservedly."

Fury smiled. "You know I wouldn't send them to their death on their first missions. Those baby spiders are grown-up now; let them catch their own bad guys."

"You too?"

"It's fitting." And with that he left.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"I can't believe we're on our way to our first own mission!" Watson's eyes gleamed as she threw her duffel bag into the small jet. "I know it's not big, but we're agents now. Real agents!"

"I know! Sounds great, huh? Agent Watson, Agent Brooks." Brooks grinned and checked his utility belt one last time."

Natasha smiled when she approached them. "I see you're all excited already. Wait until your stuck in a snow storm." Pride and dread filled her to equal parts; she hadn't expected to care that much for those two greenhorns.

"Agent Romanoff!" Brooks turned around and he shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. "It's just great to be a real agent now. Not that I wouldn't appreciate the training, I do, really-"

"We both appreciate your training, Agent Romanoff," Watson cut in. "We learned you usually don't take recruits so… thank-you. You were a great teacher."

"Don't get sentimental now, I had a really high opinion of both of you," Natasha joked and reached into her pocket for the little pins. Both of them showed a black hourglass on a red ground, an inversion of her own sign. "Before any of you lecture me about sentimentality, it was Barton's idea, claiming that surviving my training is an even higher honour than graduating the Academy. You don't have to wear them, but they should remind you that the bond between a SO and her proteges is rather special. At least that's what I've learned when I came here. So when you get back, I expect a full report. Understood?"

"Thank you." Brooks and Watson both took their pin, looking touched by the gesture.

"Now off you go. Nobody wants to be late on their first assignment. You know everything to complete this brilliantly but if there's anything you're worried about, you have my phone number. Though I'm sure you won't need it." Natasha turned around and left the airfield. It was time to let go.


	35. Sepia (090)

**A/N Welcome back to another chapter, this time it's a little trip down memory lane for Nat. I hope you enjoy it!**

 **Invader Johnny: I think you misunderstood something there. It's Nat who tells the baby spiders to call her if something's wrong, not the other way around ;) Though it would be interesting whether Nat would ask those two for help if she'd needed them.**

 **WidowInBlack: Thank you very much. To be honest, I was quite surprised myself how the last oneshot developed but decided to just go with it. Clint will never let her live it down, that's for sure ;) And don't worry about not reviewing on the day of uploading, you did review, didn't you? ;)**

* * *

Title: Sepia (#90)

Characters: Nat, Steve, Sarah

Word count: ~2500

* * *

"Mum, really, what can be that important? I have my final exams the day after tomorrow and I _really_ need to study some more. Like, really. I have no idea why I should be able to name all the directors of SHIELD but aside from Grandpa Nick there are a lot more." Sarah made an attempt to stand up again but Natasha gently pushed her back on the sofa.

"I know. I'm sorry to keep you from studying. Though you could've started earlier."

"Mum!"

A flash of amusement hurried over Natasha's face. "Sorry. The next days I'll be away with Coulson's old Bus Team and before you officially join SHIELD as an agent – because I'm sure you'll pass those stupid exams – I wanted to tell you my story."

Sarah frowned. "What story? I know how you met Dad and I don't know what's that got to do with SHIELD."

"No." Natasha shook her head and sat down on her favourite armchair. "I mean the story about what happened before I met Clint. The story of my upbringing." She watched Steve passing the doorframe and called out to him. "You can come sit and listen, too. I won't tell it again."

"Why now?" Sarah asked quietly, making room on the sofa for her father. "I don't care who you were or what you did back then. I know you didn't do it because you wanted to. You don't have to tell me if it hurts you."

"Same here," Steve chimed in. He sat next to Sarah and leant slightly forward towards Natasha. "I love who you are and that's it. I know I pestered you a lot about it."

"It's not like I want to tell it but rather because I _need_ to. To protect you, Sarah. At SHIELD, you will hear even more rumours and stories about me than at the Academy. I want you to know what's true and what's not. I don't want you to doubt me. At least not because of some lies."

"Alright."

Natasha stayed quiet for a while, trying to decide on how to start. "I think it all began when Arina and I were caught in that hole. No earlier. When Sezja was given to me." She sighed. "No. It all probably started when I was around four years old. I lived with my parents in the tiniest village you can imagine, around it only snow. My parents died when a fire consumed our house. I made it out. Ivan, a former soldier, took me with him. At least that's what he told me. I lived with him for a year or two and though he wasn't exactly a warm person, he was never hostile towards me. He taught me basics in self-defence. Of surviving in the tundra. And discipline, I guess. He was the one to bring me to the Red Room, a training facility of the KGB only few knew of."

Steve reached out for Natasha and she returned the pressure of his hand with a sad little smile.

"I was in a group with around twenty other girls," Natasha continued. "They taught us everything you can think of. At six I learned how to knife someone. At seven I held a gun in my hand for the first time. At nine we started requiring hacking skills. Hand-to-hand combat was on the curriculum from the start. As was ballet."

"That's why you didn't want me to start it, right?" Sarah's voice was quiet, almost apologising.

Natasha nodded. "Your Dad was right, here you wouldn't make the same experiences as I did, but still I was afraid. I remember dancing every day. Sometimes only a few hours, sometimes until my feet bled and my legs started to give beneath me. And still I twirled and leapt until my instructor would tell me to stop. But I was good. I was the best. I know how that sounds but… You have to understand, both of you. All the while I was in the Red Room, I was told how special I was. Extraordinary. And I believed them. Why should I not? I exceeded all their standards. I mastered every task and exam. When I was eight we were given dogs to take care of."

"Sezja. Right?" Steve's voice was quiet while Sarah blinked at him in confusion. "I remember you mentioned her name once while talking with Akela. I didn't ask because I didn't want to upset you."

"Yes, that was her name. I raised and trained her and I shared my meals with her. When there was thunder she would always lie beneath my bed, just in reach of my hand so I could calm her." A sad smile played on her lips.

Sarah gulped at looked at her hands for a moment. "What happened to Sezja."

Natasha was quiet for a long time. Then she took a deep, calming breath and answered: "I killed her. Because the woman training me wanted me to do it. Because I knew what disobedience what mean. Because she would have died either way." She evaded the looks of both Steve and Sarah and looked down instead, willing the tears back that were caused by the memory at both Sezja and Akela. "She wasn't the last friend I killed. Only the first. And I learned my most important lesson: love is for children."

"Oh, now that starts again." Steve sighed and rolled his eyes.

Natasha smacked his arm. "I'm not saying I still believe in that, but if I'm supposed to tell my story, that's part of it."

"But not anymore. Right?"

"No. Not anymore." Natasha smiled slightly but grew serious again soon. "At twelve the other girls and I were abandoned in the tundra. Supplies only for one of us, a two weeks' march back to the facility. There was a girl, Arina. She was someone like a friend to me. The only friend aside from Sezja I ever had before meeting Clint. We decided to try it together, to share the rations. But she was attacked by a stray wolf and the wound festered. I tried to get her back, I really did, but she-"

"Sshh, it's okay. It's okay."

Natasha only realized she was crying when Steve wrapped his arms around her and gently rocked her. "She wanted me to kill her so I could live. I didn't want to. She was my friend."

"I know. It's okay. We know you didn't want to. Everything is okay. You're safe here. Sarah and I, we won't let anything happen to you." Steve's voice was calm and slowly soothed her. Sarah at first looked at her mother in shock. Never in her life had she seen her that distressed and it was unnerving to see the usually so strong woman in complete dismay. But then she scooted closer and wrapped her arms around both her parents. "I bet Arina is proud you survived. She seems like a good friend."

"That she was." Natasha smiled at her daughter and wiped the tears from her face. "I'm sorry, it's just… I never told this anyone aside from Clint. And I didn't think I'd tell this ever again."

"What happened after Arina?" Sarah asked softly.

Steve threw her a look but Natasha smiled thankfully. "I continued training. There came new girls who were killed away one after the other. Some of them our instructors killed. Some succumbed to illnesses, wounds or experiments gone south. But most I killed. And then, I was maybe fifteen or so, there were only two of us left. Some blonde girl, I don't remember her name. But I do remember Madame B. bringing the Winter Soldier into the facility, claiming that only the best was allowed to train with him and accompany him to missions. We grew up hearing stories of the infamous Winter Soldier. We knew what an honour it would be. So we fought. I won. Sometimes I remember the acknowledging nod of the Winter Soldier while I stood attention, the other girl's blood dripping from my hands. He started to train me. I accompanied him on missions. We grew close."

"Ew, Mum! You and Uncle Bucky? Are you serious?" Sarah grimaced and shook her head as if to delete the information as soon as possible. "That was way much more information than I ever wanted to know."

"You knew Bucky? But why didn't you-" Steve seemed confused.

"Because I only remembered that part after we started working on deactivating his triggers," Natasha answered with a shrug. "They wiped my mind more than once; there still are some parts of my past where I'm not sure whether it was real or an implanted memory."

Steve considered this information with a frown and his mouth standing slightly ajar. "So were you… Did you do… fondue?"

"Fondue?" Sarah chuckled. "Is that some old-fashioned term for sex?"

"We weren't a couple if that's what you're asking." Natasha rolled her eyes. "At least I think we weren't. But, you know, the Siberian nights are pretty cold and-" She cut her word with her trademark smirk. "In the eyes of the Red Room we grew too close, so they separated us, wiped my mind again – probably his, too – and let me graduate. That day I became Black Widow. They made me a monster and sealed it." She looked Sarah directly in the eyes. "You shouldn't even exist. The fact that you are alive is nothing short of a small miracle. The sterilized me. I was never supposed to have children."

"But why?" Sarah frowned, trying to wrap her head around it. "Why did they do that to you?"

Natasha smiled softly. "A child is the sole thing that could matter more than a mission. More than anything. You'll know when you have kids of your own. The Red Room knew that, of course, and they couldn't use any distractions."

"But what about Dad? I mean, if you're in love, wouldn't that also matter more than a mission?"

Natasha took Steve's hand in her own and squeezed it. "That's why we were taught that love is for children. To see love as a weakness, not a strength. Clint and his family showed me that it's not true, that love can be a strength. Without him we wouldn't be where we are today." Again she took a calming breath before she continued her story. "I graduated and I lied, deceived and killed in the name of liars, deceivers and killers. My hands were dripping red. I killed men, women and children when they were in y way or seemed to be a danger to be discovered. I stole more USB-sticks than I can count. I helped bring down regiments and governments to help the KGB's cause. What I mean, is, I did a lot of awful things. And I knew that. Not only by time, but quite from the beginning. But I followed my orders nevertheless. The Red Room had made the woman I became and I knew nothing else. I knew I was wanted by more than one agency, including SHIELD. So I stayed."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Once… Once I burned down a children's hospital. I can still hear their screams at night. I grew worse after you were born and cried at night because you wanted to be fed. But it also helped. Because I was able to help you. But that day I decided I'd rather die than do any more of their dirty work. So I left the KGB, knowing exactly they would do everything to get me and bring me back to the Red Room for re-education. Since I was only good at what I've done all my life, I sold my skills to the highest bidder. I didn't care for whom I worked as long as I could survive. Of course I pissed off more than one party and one of those was SHIELD. Fury sent Clint after me to kill me."

"Kill you?" Sarah frowned. "I remember him telling some kind of fairy-tale but he said Uncle Clint was sent to bring you home, not to kill you."

"Well, I guess that's the PG-rated version of it," Natasha retorted with a smile. "But as you see, he didn't kill me. He decided against orders and brought me into SHIELD which resulted in my becoming his partner. Poor Phil. We really were a handful."

"Did you ever go back?" Sarah asked after a while. "To the Red Room?"

"Once, yes. But the facility was deserted. Nick had sent me there to gather additional information about the Black Widow program to disable it completely, if possible. But the KGB had been faster. Most hard drives wiped or destroyed and there was not one living soul left."

Steve looked at her with one eyebrow raised. After being with her for a very long time, he knew most of the time when Natasha was lying. Natasha noticed his gaze and subtly shook her head. She would explain later.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of this," Sarah said, throwing her arms around Natasha's neck. "It's not fair!"

Natasha held her tightly and gently kissed her temple. "It's alright. That was a long time ago and if I had grown up with my parents in this small village, I'd never met your Dad."

"Still. I know now why you have nightmares. I would have them, too. Just thinking you were forced to kill children your age while growing up… That's barbaric!"

"Never said I liked growing up this way. And yes, sometimes I still have nightmares but when I wake up Steve and you are there and I know how lucky I am."

"Thank you for telling me. And don't worry, I would never doubt you or Dad. Not because of your past, that is. Whoever wants to try to tell me some shit, I'll meet again in the gym."

"That's the spirit," Natasha grinned and let go of her daughter. "And remember, you'll be an agent because you earned it, not because your parents are two superheroes who got laid."

"Language. Please?" Steve groaned, but laid an arm around Sarah's shoulders. "Your Mom's right, you'll be an asset to SHIELD because you worked hard for it, not because one of us bribed anyone or something. So, why don't you use the remaining time and try to memorize some more directors?"

Sarah sighed heavily. "You know how to remind someone they have work to do. Fine. Thanks again for sharing, Mom."

"You're welcome. Good luck learning."

Steve waited until Sarah's door fell shut, then he turned to Natasha. "Why did you lie about the Red Room? There were people there, weren't they?"

Natasha looked down for a moment before returning Steve's look. "Yes. And I didn't tell because it made me feel again like the monster they had made me. It wasn't pretty." She noticed the curiosity on Steve's face and a sad smile flickered across her lips. "Not today, Steve. There was enough darkness for one day."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I kinda teasered two possible further one-shots in this one: Nat meeting Bucky for the first time and her returning to the Red Room for a mission. Would you like to read more about that (if yes, both or just one of it) or is that rather not your kind of cookie? Just let me know, alright?**


	36. Disease (079)

**A/N: Welcome back to another installment! THis one deals with Nat returning to the Red Room for a mission as teased in the previous oneshot. There's probably a _warning_ in order for some violence at the end, though nothing too graphical. But as Natasha said last time, it was not pretty.**

 **MaRiA.Z.A: ** Well, here is the first one and the second one with Bucky will come eventually, too. Thank you very much! I like her as a character and I like the depth of her, especially all the possibilities she offers one as an author.

 **WidowInBlack: ** Why, thank you very much! It took me some time to fulfill your prompt, but I really wanted to to it right. So I'm really happy you like it that much.

 **Invader Johnny: ** Sadly, yes. And I guess no one knows that better than Natasha herself.

* * *

Title: Disease (#79)

Characters: Natasha, Clint, feat. Coulson, Madame B.

Word count: ~2570

* * *

„Any questions, agents?" Coulson looked at both Clint and Natasha, while giving the latter a more pointed look.

Clint shortly gazed to his right at the redhead who hadn't reacted in a single way to the mission parameters before he turned his attention back to his handler. "Phil, do you think it a good idea? She only left Russia a few months before and-"

"It's fine." Natasha cut his word in a voice that was snow cold.

"As I said, Director Fury personally requested the two of you. Agent Romanoff knows the building and we would be stupid not using this advantage," Coulson explained as if he hadn't heard Natasha. "It's a quick job of going in, collecting as much data as possible and going out again. We finally have the coordinates of the facility and we need to go there as long as they're still there."

"But she's-"

"Barton! I said I'm fine with this mission," Natasha cut in more sharply this time. She appreciated him looking out for her but it still was something very new and right now it hindered the mission. She understood why Fury wanted her to go in; frankly, she would have doubted his sanity if he's sent anyone else. Natasha turned to Coulson, her expression still stoic. "When do we leave?"

"One hour," Coulson answered, seemingly glad she dealt with this in a rather uncomplicated way. "Pack for roughly a week, but we'll extract you sooner should you be done. As I said, collect as much info as you can get. We need to know everything: further facilities, the head behind all of this, maybe even names of instructors and former surviving girls of the program." His gaze grew sterner as he looked at Natasha. "The main goal, though, is you two returning. Alive, that is. Although we could need this information, to me it is more important that you return in one piece. Understood. Good. Then I'll see in in the hangar in one hour."

Natasha stood up and left the room, Clint right at her heels. "Natasha. Natasha! Nat!" He grabbed her arm when she wouldn't stop and forced her to. "Look, I understand if you don't wanna go back there. There are other teams they can send in. But if you're really sure you can deal with that then I just want you to know I've got your back. Alright?"

"Barton, if you ask me one more time whether I can deal with that I'll shove your arrows up your ass." Natasha didn't grow loud but her quiet, calm voice made her sound that more dangerous. "I didn't plan on ever going back there but if I can help bring this whole shit down then I will do so. See you at the jet." She wrested herself free and strutted down the corridor to the elevator which would took her to her quarters. Only after she closed the apartment's door behind her did the shaking take over her body. It hadn't been a lie that she never wanted to return to the Red Room. Memories of her lessons flooded her. The snapping sound of a neck breaking beneath her fingers. The vibrations of a gun being fired, too big for her small hands. The water turning red while she tried to wash the blood out of her dancing shoes. Natasha's hands gripped the doorframe, feeling the smooth wood and anchoring her in the present. She would go there, do her job and leave. Abd maybe she could help bring down the organisation that had robbed her of her childhood.

~#~#~#~#~#~

The silence during the flight hadn't been comforting but rather strained. It hung between the two of them like a wall, neither wanted to talk about the discussion they had after briefing. With parachutes, they jumped out of the jet in the middle of the Siberian nowhere. Clint wrapped his scarf more tightly around the lower half of his face. "I really don't wanna spend here any time more than we have to," he said, his voice muffled by the cloth while he tinkered with their GPS device. Natasha shouldered her bag and kept track of their surroundings. Although they were flown in in stealth mode she rather didn't trust in SHIELD's technology. Finally, the device got a signal and Clint led the two of them further north. They walked in silence, eager to set up their tent before sunset, before it would grow even colder.

They reached a hill when Natasha suddenly stopped. Clint noticed a few steps later. "What's wrong?"

Natasha nodded in direction of the hill. "It's behind there. I remember this place." As if something forced her, she turned around to the left. There somewhere was Arina's body, frozen to stone or only a heap of bones by now if the wolves had found her. Somehow, Natasha wanted both: to know and not to know for certain.

Clint looked at her for a moment, worry clear on the part of his face that wasn't covered. "Then we should set up here. Or is there a better place?"

"No," Natasha answered, his voice bringing her mind back to her body. "That's as good a spot as anywhere. But we should be careful. If it's still like back then, people could come around here. Though it's not cold enough for survival exercises."

"Not cold enough?" Clint muttered under his breath. "I think it's very cold. Cold enough to lose a finger or two."

Together they started to set up the tent, part of SHIELD's newest technology. Natasha could only hope it would keep them as warm as R&D had promised them. "I make a quick perimeter check. You know I can't cook," Natasha offered with a shrug, nodding towards the cans they had brought with them.

Clint smiled crookedly, recognizing her offering of a banter as a peace offering. "If I'd died because of food poisoning in the Siberian cold, you'd never let me live that down. But if you're not back in not later than thirty minutes, I'll come out and drag you in myself. Even if it means the food is scorched."

Natasha answered with only a roll of her eyes and made sure to close the tent's flap securely so the cold wouldn't get in. She pulled the hood of her coat over her head and felt for the guns trapped to her legs and hidden in her pockets. Slowly and carefully she made her way up the hill, her attention divided between the tricky ground beneath her feet and her surroundings. She didn't want to be caught by surprise, not by anyone who was related to the Red Room. Reaching the hill comb she laid down on her belly and held the little spy glass in front of her eyes. Suddenly the facility was disturbingly close but Natasha forced herself to keep looking. There were lights in some rooms but no sentinels to be seen. Maybe they had upgraded their tech, not needing human sentinels anymore. Still, they'd better be careful.

Quietly Natasha made her way back to the tent and slipped inside, pulling the zipper shut again. Almost forcefully she ripped the gloves from her hands and held them over the little camping stove. "No guards," she finally reported curtly.

Clint frowned in thought. "Any dogs?"

"No. Maybe there are some in the facility but I doubt they will be trained guard dogs."

"Good," Clint sighed. "I hate shooting dogs.

Natasha offered a short nod. "Me too."

Clint divided the canned soup up he had been heating and gave Natasha her share. "Anything else I should know before we go in there?"

Natasha took a sip in quiet. "There'll be mostly women, but don't underestimate them. They all have weapons on them. And if a girl jumps at you, better kill her immediately; you might not get a second chance."

Clint nodded, trusting her judgement. If they all where only half as good as her, he could count himself lucky should he survive. He placed a plan of the facility between the two of them, most information to be able to draw it stemming from Natasha. "Let's get over the plan again, alright?"

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha robbed through the vents, one ear directed at her surroundings. She tried to ignore the nervous knot in her stomach. It had been too easy so far. The Red Room she knew would have never allowed them to come that far. Sure, there had been the obligatory guard but none of those had proven a real challenge. Even the grand ballet room had been deserted although at that time there should a lesson take place.

"Romanoff, your status?" Clint's voice in her ear brought her back to the present.

Stupid mistake, getting herself distracted. "On my way to the server room," she answered quietly. "What about you? Any difficulties?"

"No, not even one of those killer kids you talked about. It's too quiet for my taste."

Yeah, that brought it pretty good in a nutshell. "Some more time to gather information would have been good."

Clint scoffed. "Tell me about it. Coulson thought we wouldn't have enough time for it but as it seems the building's already empty."

By the time he was done complaining, Natasha had reached the right grid and carefully loosened it out of its holding, before lowering herself down. "I'm in."

"Yes, that I can see, Natalia."

At the sound of the familiar voice Natasha felt her body go rigid. Never in her life had she wanted to hear that again. She whirled around, her gun faster out of the holster than ever before and pointing straight to the woman sitting at one of the computers.

"You wouldn't want to shoot a defenceless old woman, would you?" Madame B. asked smoothly.

Natasha unlocked the safety catch on her weapon. "You taught me to eliminate everyone in my way. Step aside and I won't have to kill you."

"Natasha? Who's there with you?" Clint sounded worried and she could hear him speeding up. "I'm on my way to-"

The redhead took the little communication device out of her ear and let it fall to the fall, the hand holding her gun never wavering.

Madame B. shook her head smiling. "Maybe it's better the KGB got rid of its most unstable asset. You always were bull-headed, Natalia. It was hard work forming you."

The sound of a bullet being fired echoed through the room and blood started to blossom on the right arm of Madame B. which had twitched in direction of the mouse. "Don't call me Natalia. She died."

"Is that so? And for whom are you working now so that rebirth would be justified?"

"Not your concern." Another shot ringed and only now did the older woman groan from the pain. "Where is everyone?"

Madame B. chuckled mirthlessly. "Not here."

Another shot. "Why did you stay behind? Why not one of the other instructors?" Natasha's face was a mask, pale due to the anger raging within her. It would be so easy to let the other woman pay. But Coulson had made it clear that they needed every information possible and if someone could tell SHIELD what they needed to know it was her. And still…

"Oh, you remember your old teachers? They were heartbroken when you left us so suddenly. Dr Petrov had your favourite device prepared for your return. And if you weren't so clouded by your righteousness you would know you already have all the information you need to know what's going on here."

"I bet he had," Natasha spit out, firing another shot and aiming for the kneecap this time. A sickening crunch was to be heard. "You're here to delete every information concerning the Red Room and its connection to the KGB. It is you who's doing this because they wouldn't trust anyone else with this. You're probably the one to keep every secret close to her chest, even under torture."

"Good, Natalia. You haven't forgotten everything we've taught you." Madame B. smiled proudly. "You are very similar to your mother. She was just as stubborn as you."

Natasha kept aiming at her former instructor, firing another bullet at her arm. Some blood loss wouldn't kill her but make it actually easier for her and Clint to get her into the jet and bring her to Fury and Coulson. It took Natasha two minutes until all of Madame B.'s words had gotten through to her. Her mother? "What do you know about my mother?" Now her hand did shake a little.

Madame B. only smiled at her. "Too bad every file dealing with you is already deleted."

"I'll make you talk." Natasha threw away her emptied gun and pulled out the knife she had been hiding in her boot, approaching Madame B. quickly.

"You think I would be the one cleaning up if I would talk?" she spat, taking in Natasha's appearance. "What have you become? Our greatest creation and all thrown out of the window. Do you think your hands will ever not be dripping red? Do you honestly believe you deserve redemption?"

 _No_. That question was far too easy to answer for Natasha. She held the knife close to the woman's neck and didn't even twitch when Clint came bursting through the door. "Everything alright with you?" he called, his eyes trained on Madame B.

She in turn seized him up. "The Hawk. You're working for the Americans now, huh? I hadn't expected you to fall so deep, Natalia. Too bad the patrons won't learn that. But I am most sure they will sooner or later. And then you won't be able to hide anymore." Suddenly she move to the left, to Natasha and into the knife.

"No!" Clint jumped forward and tried to stop the bleeding but Natasha knew it was for nothing. All the intel on the Red Room, gone. Just like that. As was every information on her mother. Disgusted Clint tried to clean his hands on the clothes of the dead woman. Only then he noted the bullet holes in the woman's clothes. "A wonder she was still alive."

"Keeping her alive was the plan," Natasha retorted, pulling the knife out of B.'s neck. "I didn't plan on killing her."

"Not now, at least. Right?" Clint sighed and moved his fingers through his hair. "Look, I understand. I do. And I know it's improvement for you to not having her killed instantly. But we shouldn't tell Coulson that part. If word goes out at the agency, I doubt it will improve the trust the other agents have in you."

"I don't want their trust. I don't trust them."

"What did she tell you while I tried to get through to you?"

Natasha was quiet for a moment, watching the lifeless body of the woman that had betrayed her for her childhood. "She mentioned my mother. To get me angry, I suppose. No information left."

Clint carefully touched her like he would approach a wounded animal. "I'm sorry."

"She's dead now. She won't hurt me anymore." With that, Natasha turned around and left the server room. Followed the corridors she knew like the back of her hand. Passing ballet rooms and others where she had been formed to the woman she was now, all the while a firm thought dominating her mind: she would never return again in this life. Never.

* * *

2\. A/N: Well, what do you think? I know Natasha said she'll never return, but I wondered whether she would go there with Steve some day in the far future. What would you think of it?


	37. Last Hope (094)

**A/N Happy Easter everyone! Though a holiday is no reason to postpone another chapter so I hope you like it.**

 **MaRiA.Z.A: ** Thank you very much. Yes, I think this little hint towards her mother threw Natasha quite off balance. Though I plan on writing more about Natasha's heritage.

 **WidowInBlack: ** Thank you very much! I figured that the last one-shot only played shortly after Clint brought her with him and she was cleared for field work. If you remember, Clint took out some of the guys that were after Natasha, so the Red Room (and KGB) knew that she'd been taking in by someone. With defecting she posed a danger to the secrets of the Red Room, so they were quite eager to A) find her and B) get everything into safety. I'd say the Red Room is still going, only in a different location.

 **Invader Johnny: ** You're definitely right with that one.

* * *

Title: Last Hope (#94)

Characters: Natasha, Peggy Carter, Fury

Word count: ~1345

* * *

„You better have a good reason for bringing me here, Nicholas," Peggy said when she entered the Triskelion. Her hair had the same length it had for ages, only now it was more grey than brown. Her face was wrinkled but still held the same authority that had brought her her place in World War Two and then as a co-founder of SHIELD.

"Peggy. You're looking good," Fury greeted his former SO with one of his rare smiles. "It won't take long, I hope. I just need your professional opinion."

"Professional opinion?" Peggy raised an eyebrow but followed Fury nevertheless deeper into the many corridors of the Triskelion. "What did you do this time?"

"For once, I didn't to a thing. Yet." Fury pressed the button for the elevator and turned to look at her. "You know Barton was sent to kill the Black Widow?"

Peggy rolled her eyes. "Nothing _officially_ but yes, I knew of his mission. Sent to kill the Black Widow, alumnus of the program of the same name by the KGB. A program already active in my time. I had the doubtful honour of meeting Dorothy Underwood, also a Black Widow. At least that was the name she went by in the States. We never learned more of her. I presume Barton has met his orders?"

"That's just the point. For whatever reason he made a different call, not only letting her live but bringing her here. As an asset." He stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for a floor way below the surface of the earth.

"And you want to know whether you can trust his judgement. There was a time you wouldn't need me for that Nicholas."

"I need a second opinion. I know it's fruitless sending some of those psychologists to her; she'll play them, telling and acting just the right way to get her goal across."

Peggy arched an eyebrow. "And what makes you think she won't try the same with me?"

"Oh, she probably will," Fury chuckled. His eye gleamed in challenge. "But you dealt with those before. I just need to know whether she's worth the trouble. And afterwards there are shortbread and a teapot of Earl Grey waiting in my office for you."

"The imported one, I hope? Not some bloody cheap knock-off from here."

Fury allowed himself a smile. "Everything for my favourite former agent." They stepped into another corridor that only had one door, guarded by four heavily armoured men. All of them stood attention, when the Director and the Founder of their agency approached. "Good luck in there. I don't think she'll attack you but if so, these guys here will be in there in a matter of seconds. I would like Barton to be right. Makes dealing with the Council a little easier."

"I'll meet you later, Nicholas." Peggy nodded at the men what one took as his cue to open the door. Once she was inside, the door was pushed shut again. The room was not too small but still small enough to indicate that the woman inside was seen as a danger. The bed seemed comfortable enough although its metal frame was welded to the floor. A small table and a chair stood near it, likewise welded to the floor, and an untouched dinner tray was placed on the table. In a discrete corner she caught glimpse of a toilette and a shower. Aside from that, the room was bare.

"Another evaluation?" the redhead sitting on the bed asked, the annoyance in her voice just slightly clearer than her Russian accent.

Peggy stepped forward and sat on the chair, her attention focused on the girl. She couldn't be older than twenty, slightly thinner than it was probably healthy. Dark rings were under her green eyes and her hair hadn't quite the shimmer it could have had. "I am just here to talk to you."

"Yeah, sure," she scoffed. "You're the fourth in here, you know that? Seems they couldn't find any proofs for the lies I should be telling so of course they keep looking for it."

"Are you lying?" Peggy asked, keeping her voice neutral but not necessarily hostile.

The redhead arched an eyebrow. "In general or towards the people of this agency?"

"Either."

"I have lied in my life and I probably will continue to do so. Not only has it kept me alive but helped to accomplish my missions," the redhead answered. "Concerning this agency, I haven't lied since I stepped inside. But I'm probably wasting my breath. Why should anyone believe a Russian spy, right?" Anger laced her words and Peggy suspected a hint of fear.

"I think you are being quite honest with me now," Peggy answered. "My name is Margaret Carter, by the way. How shall I call you?"

The redhead seemed somewhat taken aback by her reaction. "Natasha." She eyed the older woman carefully. "The Margaret Carter? As in member of the Strategic Scientific Research and founder of SHIELD?"

"The one and only," Peggy answered with a little smile.

"Somehow I thought you were taller," Natasha remarked, shrugging her delicate shoulders.

Peggy decided to not answer to that. "How comes you know that much about me?"

Natasha shrugged her shoulders again. "One of the graduates from the forties was sent to kill you so of course there is intel about you."

"Dorothy Underwood." Peggy nodded. "Can't say it was a pleasurable acquaintance."

"Well, she _had_ been the youngest to ever graduate the Red Room. She wasn't supposed to be a pleasurable acquaintance."

"Had been the youngest?"

"Until I graduated, yes." Pride was evident in Natasha's voice.

Peggy felt a cold shiver running down her spine. She didn't even want to know how young this girl had been when graduating this awful program. "Director Fury told me Agent Barton brought you with him. Against his orders, but still. Why did you agree to come with him?"

Natasha met her gaze. It surprised her that Peggy seemingly didn't assumed she had seduced Barton to bring her into the agency but it was a nice change. "I'm aware of the red in my ledger. I want to go straight. Besides, after leaving the KGB I was fair game; SHIELD's my best option."

"Not want to burst your bubble, but even in the service of SHIELD you might have to kill people. To hurt them. We're not just cuddling sad little puppies here."

"I am aware of that," Natasha scoffed. She looked down at her hands for a moment and for once Peggy got a glimpse of the girl behind the strong façade. "But I hope to do something good with my skills instead of causing mayhem and destruction. Otherwise I wouldn't be here."

Peggy decided to prod further now that Natasha seemed to open up and show something of her real self. "Is that why you decided to go under another name here? I know Natasha is not the name in your file."

Natasha's eyes grew hard. "Barton found a less Russian name would do me some good here. And Natalia died when he was sent to kill her."

"Do you really think you can leave behind your past that easily?"

"No." She gave a mirthless laugh. "I know it will continue to haunt me. Literally. You don't defect the KGB and just live your life. But I'm willing to deal with it if your agency gives me the chance to."

Peggy nodded at her with the slightest hint of a smile and stood up again. "I can't promise you anything but I will talk to Director Fury and tell him what I think."

"And what do you think?" If Peggy had known Natasha just better, she might have caught on to the uncertainness in her voice.

Peggy took the tray and placed it beside Natasha on the bed. She simply ignored the fact that the redhead shrunk back slightly from her proximity. "I think you should eat. Otherwise you won't be much help to Agent Barton in the field once you're cleared."


	38. The Fool (078)

**A/N Welcome back, fellas! I know, I know, I'm way too early, but since I'm gone this weekend I figured an early update is better than a belated one. That and with the last oneshot you guys broke the 20.000 view mark on this collection as a whole. I mean, 20.000! That really is something, so here's my kind of thank-you for bearing with me: I nice, long oneshot full of fluff and cotton candy. Sounds good? Thought so.**

 **DarylDixon'sLover** : I agree with you. But Peggy's not that bad and Nat will manage. She always does.

 **MaRiA.Z.A:** Yeah, Fury knows when to ask for help. Or at least he should know so. And yes, Peggy's probably his best shot in this case.

 **Invader Johnny** : That might be true, but at least in the present she doesn't have to deal with everything alone once she chose people she can trust.

 **WidowInBlack:** Thank you very much. Same here! She already was badass in the first Cap-movie but the show is great. Too bad they cancelled it after two seasons. And yes, I looked for a reason Nat was at the funeral. I mean, she could have waited outside for Steve, right? And I kinda loved the idea of those two badass women knowing each other. Who knows, maybe Peggy asked Natasha for a update herself once in a while, a teapot and shortbread on the table.

* * *

Title: The Fool (#78)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky (friendship [starting of more?]), feat. Steve

Word count: ~3405

* * *

„Hey. You wanna come to the fair with me?" Bucky asked and leaned his arms on the back of the sofa Natasha was seated on.

She tipped her head backwards and frowned at him. "I would love to, but Helen threatened to knock me out when I put weight on my ankle too soon." Natasha grimaced. Just because one goon got lucky and hit her pretty hard, she had twisted her ankle the stupidest way, causing it to swell and her to limp. Now she needed crutches to move from A to B and since she _despised_ them she spend her days off on the sofa reading or binge-watching mindless series. "And with those things I'd only slow you down." Natasha nodded towards the crutches leaning on the sofa.

"I thought Helen has this tissue-repairing-thingy. And didn't Stark offer you to upgrade the crutches?" Bucky raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, but let's be honest: would you use crutches Tony tinkered with without knowing what exactly he changed?"

"Probably not." He laughed and Natasha smiled at that. She liked hearing him laugh. Then he grew serious again. "What about the machine Helen has?"

Natasha sighed heavily. "Yeah, she offered to use it but she would have needed to cut me up to gain access to the hurt ligaments and for that she wanted to knock me out. I refused. I hate losing consciousness when it's not necessary. Fury was, well, furious and it will bench me for a week or two, yes, but then I'll deal with it and you guys need to stay out of trouble. Sorry for not being able to accompany you to the fair."

She could practically watch him thinking. Bucky let go of the sofa, rounded it and hunched down in front of her, his back turned towards her. "Hop on," he added when she didn't immediately react.

Natasha grinned. She liked the idea and she really needed some fun after days trapped inside. "Shoes?" she asked and wriggled with her good foot.

"We'll pick them up on the way. Come on." She climbed on his back, carefully to not put any strain on her ankle. Bucky held her legs firmly to his sides and waited until she'd wrapped her arms around his neck, her chin resting on his shoulder. "Everything alright back there?"

Natasha hummed in contentment and relaxed against his back. She could get used to this. Bucky carried her to her apartment and Natasha opened the door by leaning over his shoulder and swiping her thumb over the panel at the door.

Bucky walked into the bedroom and carefully let her slide down on the bed before he turned to her shoe cabinet and opened it. "Do you have any flats?"

"Somewhere should be a pair of sneaker, yeah. Try the lowermost compartment, I don't need them most times."

"Found 'em." With a triumphant grin he returned to Natasha and gently slid them on her feet, making sure that the laces wouldn't come loose but weren't as tight as to cause her discomfort. "Want a particular jacket?"

"The light one with the hood." Natasha caught it after Bucky had taken it from the hook at her door and thrown it to her.

He then again knelt in front of her and helped her onto his back, holding on to her legs tightly. "Ready to have some fun?"

"Ready when you are." On their way out they closed the door again and Bucky turned sideward slightly to make it easier for Natasha to push the buttons of the elevator. "What about the other guys? Didn't anyone of those want to come with you?"

Bucky shrugged. "Didn't ask. I figured they hadn't the time to go to the fair, you know? With Steve training the rookies and Stark and Banner holing up in their labs all day… You were the only one with nothing to do at her hands."

"Well, that's at least some kind of special," Natasha laughed and propped her chin on her forearm lying on Bucky's shoulder. "Though I wouldn't guarantee for the science bros, I'm sure Steve would have adjusted his schedule to spend some quality time with you. You're practically brothers, after all."

"I can ask him another time. And since Barton's not here to keep you company, I thought someone should take care of you." Leaving the elevator in the lobby, Bucky made his way through the front door and to Central Park. Some people gave them a second look but neither Bucky nor Natasha did really care. They were silent on their way and when they reached Central Park, it was filled with booths and fun rides. Blinking lights washed the leaves of the trees in all colours of the rainbow and different tunes blurred together to a noisy background.

"Where do you want to start?" Natasha asked a little louder close to Bucky's ear.

He turned his head to make sure she'd understand his answer. "Bumper car? Always loved those as a kid."

"Sure."

They weaved through the crowd and when reaching the bumper cars, Bucky dumped Natasha playfully on a bench. "Don't move." He winked at her and jogged to the pay window to buy tickets. It only took him a few minutes until he returned but he showed a big smile when he did so. "I'll be careful enough so we don't hurt you any more, alright?"

"You won't hurt me," Natasha answered and rolled her eyes when he picked her up bridal style. She trusted him enough to believe he wouldn't drive too aggressively but in a way that still both of them had their fun.

The last round was still going but Bucky picked an abandoned car in a corner and helped Natasha to sit in it. Then he took a seat beside her, his hand with the little plastic coin hovering over the slit. "Ready to go?"

"Show me what you've got." Natasha grinned but raised an amused eyebrow at him when he laid an arm around her to pull her closer after inserting the coin.

"Don't want you to get hurt," he answered her unspoken question.

Natasha simply rolled her eyes but didn't fight him. She _did_ feel safer, feeling his human arm wrapped around her petite frame, pulling her so close she could feel his breath tickling her scalp. His metal hand held the steering wheel firmly and although he could not always avoid their car getting bumped at Natasha's side, he always pulled her a tiny bit closer when it happened so she wouldn't be jostled too much. A laugh bubbled from within her. She had fun and what made it even better was Bucky having fun, too. He was so serious most of the time that she wasn't sure she knew how his laugh sounded sometimes.

After three rounds they had used up their chips and abandoned their car, Bucky with a wistful look back while he carried Natasha back to the bench. "How about something to eat?"

"I want cotton candy," Natasha prompted with a grin.

"Your wish is my command." Bucky bowed down low mockingly before he took Natasha piggyback again and went in search of a cotton candy booth. He bought two portions of the light pink, sticky cloud and gave them to Natasha. "You're okay with sitting down and eating before you smear everything in my hair? That stuff's a bitch to get out again."

"Of course." From her slightly higher viewpoint, Natasha directed him to a bench that stood slightly aloof from the main fair.

"Can I ask you something?" Bucky said when both were sitting comfortably, each one snacking on their cotton candy.

Natasha frowned slightly. Normally Bucky didn't ask whether he could ask; he just did. She had her features quickly schooled again when he looked at her and stuffed another piece in her mouth. "Sure."

"Now that Banner is back… when will you talk to him?"

That was a question Natasha hadn't anticipated. Not from Bucky, at least. "Talk about what exactly?"

"About the fact that he lives at the tower for almost two months and you managed to avoid speaking to him since he arrived. Did something happen between the two of you?"

"I thought there was something between us. Both damaged goods. Seems like we were too different after all. He left after the fight in Sokovia. I tried to find him but he didn't want to be found. I let myself get lost in hopes of a brighter future and got pulled back to the ground. It's a mistake I don't intend to repeat."

"I'm sorry." Bucky sounded honestly distressed. "I didn't want to rip open old wounds. That big differences?"

Natasha shrugged. "We have different ways of dealing with our past. Too different, seemingly. He killed people as the Hulk and can't quite move on. Or couldn't do so back then. I killed probably more than him but… well, the dead stay dead. I can scourge myself for the rest of my days for that but it won't bring them back to life. I can just try to make it up again. Do you know what I mean?"

Bucky looked down for a moment. "Yeah, I think I do. I killed Stark's parents and all I can do is try to earn his forgiveness." He shook his head as if it helped casting away those kinds of thoughts. Then he smiled a little. "Steve told me he thought you and Barton were a thing when he worked with you."

"Yeah, I know. But Clint's more like my older brother. He was already married to Laura when we met and I'm not that kind of girl to lay hands on a married man. I might be in a grey zone morally speaking but even I have my borders. Besides, Steve not exactly a luminary when it comes to women and relationships."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Bucky snorted. "Don't know how often I tried to find a girl for the little punk but neither one seemed good enough. Always on the lookout for his one true love. Seemed like he found her in Peggy back then and honestly, he did better than I expected him to."

"I saw a picture of her in a bunker where SHIELD probably began. She was more than pretty. And a real badass if the files are telling the truth."

"She was. A badass _and_ a good heart. You don't find that very often," Bucky said and gazed out of the corner of his eye towards Natasha who thoughtfully snacked on her cotton candy.

She shrugged. "Probably not. But seems the right girl for Steve Rogers, moral compass of a team of so-called superheroes. No wonder I haven't been successful with pushing girls at him."

"You think none of those would have been good enough for him?"

"Not the way you mean it," Natasha retorted. "Not that his standards would be too high. But wouldn't a guy like Steve deserve someone with a good heart? Someone like Peggy who wants to do good no matter the cost?"

Bucky raised his eyebrow. "Are we still talking hypothetically dates for little Steve or is this about your crush on him?"

"My what?" Natasha all but _laughed_ at him. "I have no crush on Steve. True, he's not too bad to look at-"

"-why, thank you-"

"-but he's my friend and that's more important to me than a relationship that's all too sure to fail." She shrugged. "I don't have that many friends that I could allow myself to lose one of them over such a thing as love. He was there when I thought to have lost everything."

"So you… You don't believe in love anymore just because there was this one failure with Banner? I mean, it's his own fault if he just leaves a gal like you."

"A gal like me?" Natasha raised an eyebrow for a fraction, the only sign that betrayed her curiosity.

Bucky cleared his throat and stuffed another piece of cotton candy in his mouth to buy time. "Well, you… Firstly, look at you. I mean, honestly, _look at you_. It's a wonder we don't have guys lurking at our front door everyday waiting for you."

"How do you know they're not there but I took care of them before first light?"

"Secondly," Bucky continued as if he hadn't heard her, "You have a kind heart. I saw you interact with Barton's kids and the patience and love you show them… Also, you're always there for your team. Even for the newest members. Your methods might be different from say Steve's but you do show your affection in the little things. I know you spend nights with Wanda when she had nightmares. I know you keep an eye on Stark when he vanishes in his lab and take care so he eats enough. When Thor's here you make sure to show him something new each time, however small; though your choice in movies is debatable. You're Steve's second in command when it comes to the recruits and I know he didn't choose you because you know how to kick ass but because he can always count on you to know how to deal with the rookies individually. And you always seem to know when I need to let off some steam even before I realize it." At the end of his little speech his neck was slightly pink and his fingers played with the stick that had held his portion of cotton candy.

Natasha looked at him in surprise, not knowing how to react. It was the first time he had been _that_ honest with her. "I seldom look at me that way," she finally said and the little smile that played her lips was an honest one.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, clearly aiming for a more casual look. "Just thought you should have heard it once, that's all." He looked down at her. "What do you wanna do next?"

"When I went to a fair with Clint and his kids we'd always outdo each other at the shooting booths. But I guess I'll pass this time. Won't have a firm stance."

"Let's go anyway. How about I shoot you something?"

"Really?" A laugh sparkled in her eyes. "Well then lead the way, soldier." Again she hopped on his back and looked around while Bucky chose a shooting booth. She trusted him to not let her fall or get caught on someone else; that's why she didn't hold tight but rather had her arms lazily laid around his shoulders.

"And up you go," Bucky huffed playfully, placing her on the booth's counter. "What do you want to have? Make it a challenge." He winked at her with more confidence than was probably healthy.

But Natasha shook her head. "Too easy. Surprise me."

Bucky took a look around then nodded as if to himself. He paid for five shots and was handed a pellet gun with a slightly crooked barrel. Bucky frowned at that but didn't say a word. He had made do with worse over the years. In quick succession he fired five shots, barely taking time to make a show of aiming. Natasha grinned while the man behind the counter was already smiling slightly patronizingly but when he turned around to count the marks he frowned surprised. "Free choice," he finally acknowledged grumpily and made a flaring gesture, pointing at the prizes on the sides of the booth.

"This one," Bucky answered and pointed at a bunch of plush toys at the left.

Natasha craned her neck to get a better view but only when the man pulled Bucky's choice from a hook she saw what he had chosen and stifled an amused chuckle. The gullible eyes of a polar bear wearing a red hoodie, the hood formed like a dragon's head, looked at her. Bucky took the bear and held it in front of Natasha. "May I introduce? Smaug, Natasha. Nat, Smaug."

"You're spending way too much time catching up on pop culture," Natasha chided but she didn't sound like she actually meant it. Instead she took the bear from Bucky and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thank you. Really, I mean it."

Bucky shrugged. "Well, actually I should protect you from dragons but since neither this is a real dragon nor am I the knight in shining armour I think it's okay. Not to mention you'd probably kick a dragon's ass, too, so-"

"Don't hide your light under a bushel," Natasha cut in, almost sharply. "I'm glad to have you."

"That's good to know." Bucky managed a little smile. "Wanna head back? We could take some of those roasted almonds with us if you like them. I know Steve would kill me if I don't bring him a few."

"Sure." Natasha hold the teddy bear tightly when Bucky again helped her on his back. She enjoyed being that close to him, enjoyed the warmth his body provided. Not that she had been cold, but it still was a nice feeling. It hadn't been a lie; she felt safe with him and she liked spending time with him. It was different than being with the rest of the team but Natasha barely trusted her instincts on this matter, not after Bruce. She had been deadly wrong once, for no price she wanted to be wrong again.

Bucky stayed silent while they went to buy roasted almonds. With them securely tucked in Natasha's jacket they headed back home, comfortable silence being their companion for the whole way. Back at the tower, Bucky brought her back to the common room and gently placed her on the sofa, laying her favourite blanket beside her.

"Thank you for taking me to the fair. It was good seeing something else than the tower for once." Natasha smiled a rare, bright smile and sat the teddy beside her.

"You're welcome," Bucky answered with a crooked smile. "And anytime again, if you like. Haven't been to the zoo for some time, too."

"Sounds good to me. Join me for a movie?"

"Pick one, I'll grab some popcorn." He made his way to the kitchen where Steve already waited for him.

"How was your date?" he asked, looking at him with a grin definitely too smug for Captain America.

Bucky huffed and took the corn out of the cabinet. "Doubt it was one for her."

"You never had problems telling a gal you liked her."

"She's different. Might be she got it but I wasn't too clear, frankly."

"You're a fool. You both are. I told you she doesn't believe herself someone could love her that way. With Banner it took weeks until they stopped dancing around each other. Natasha... she doesn't think herself worthy enough for being loved."

"Or maybe you were wrong and she wasn't looking at me _that_ way," Bucky negotiated, putting the corn in the microwave and setting the timer.

Steve rolled his eyes. "You can lead a horse to water…"

"Oh, stuff it, Rogers." Bucky threw him a packet of roasted almonds, took the popcorn and walked back to the sofa. A fond smile played his lips at the scene in front of him. Natasha was coiled up under the blanket, her eyes closed and her breathing even. The little trip seemed to have exhausted her more than he had realized. One arm was tucked under her head while the other pressed the bear-dragon close to her chest. Bucky put the bowl with the popcorn on the table, put in a movie and turned the volume down so even he could only barely hear it. Then he sat down beside her, more than content with ending the day like that.

* * *

 **2\. A/N As always, let me know what you think and if you have any prompts, requests, questions etc. don't hesitate and come forward. I promise I won't bite ;)**


	39. Forest (022)

**A/N Dear readers, here's another oneshot focusing on Auntie Nat. After I read all of the reviews to the last chapter, I'm definitely having another one with Bucky in mind; I just didn't have the time to write it yet. Sorry for that.**

 _MaRiA.Z.A:_ I'm glad you liked it, thank you very much! For me Steve didn't have an romantic interest in Nat last chapter (not at this point, anyway) but you're free to read it as you like :)

 _Invader Johnny_ : Yeah, it's quite ambiguous, isn't it? Still I think both sides belong to Nat, the nicer one one only sees after deserving her care.

 _WidowInBlack_ : Thank you very much! Yeah, those two are quite a tragic couple, aren't they? Let's hope they figure it out someday. We've already come a long way with this collection and thank you for sticking around.

 _Hiya_ : I'll take that as a compliment ;) Happy you liked it.

 _booboo12361015_ : As already promised, there will come more. Of you have a special request, just PM me and I'll try my best.

* * *

Title: Forest (#22)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce (relationship), Lila, Cooper

Word count: ~1270

* * *

At first, Natasha had suspected nothing. She and Bruce had set out with Lila and Cooper for a little camping weekend while little Nathaniel spend time at the tower so the parents could finally spend some quality time. With camping equipment provided by SHIELD there was almost nothing to wish for and Natasha found herself enjoying this little vacation. Bruce and Cooper got along fairly quickly, both interested in science. After they had built a decent camping faire together, they'd spent hours of finding out the composition of the perfect s'more; after dinner, of course. So while Cooper had his fun spending time with Aunt Nat and probably-soon-to-be Uncle Bruce – with whom he was more than comfortable to be on first names – Lila kept her distance towards the doctor but was rather clingy when it came to Natasha. She refused to help Bruce preparing dinner (Natasha and he had decided beforehand that it was probably better with him being in charge of their food) and she wasn't to be excited about what ever game he suggested. Natasha had watched it in silence for some time now but enough was enough. She liked Lila well enough; hell, she loved that girl like she would her own daughter! But she hated seeing Bruce like that, desperate to try and forge a bond with the girl since he knew that she meant a lot to his girlfriend.

"Lila and I go looking for some firewood," Natasha announced matter-of-factly. "Coop, will you help Bruce prepare everything for the hotdogs?"

"Sure," he agreed though being not too enthusiastic about doing 'girly' work.

Bruce looked at her with a raised eyebrow but nodded finally.

Natasha kept silent until they were some way into the woods, picking up dry sticks along the way. "You have fun camping, Lila?" she finally asked, looking closely at the girl.

Lila shrugged. "Sure."

But Natasha wasn't one to give up easily. "You and Bruce… Is there something you want to tell me about? I noticed you're rather distanced and although Bruce offered to play with you, you rather stay with me."

"I don't like Dr Banner."

Natasha frowned. "Is it because you're scared he could turn in the Hulk? I promise you, Lila, if there was any chance of him doing so I wouldn't have brought him along."

"No." Lila kicked at a stone and held her gaze lowered.

"You want to tell me why you don't like him?" Natasha's voice was soft when she hunkered down to be at the same level as the girl.

Lila shrugged but instead of standing up again, Natasha waited. She knew this kind of behaviour from Clint and just like with her best friend her patience was rewarded. "I don't like him because he hurt you. I don't want you to be hurt."

"Hurt me?" Natasha echoed. "Bruce didn't hurt me."

"Yes, he did! When Dad and you brought the Avengers home the first time. I heard you and Mum talk. And after you fought on the flying city, he left. Mum and Dad talked about it and Dad told Mum how sad you were."

Well he _had_ hurt her that way. "But he came back," Natasha answered. "Not only for me but I wouldn't have expected that. And we decided to give it another try."

"But what if he hurts you again?" Lila seemed honestly distressed.

"Look, I tell you the same thing I told your Dad. I'm touched you're that worried about me, I really am. But I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. And, you know, as bad as it seems but getting hurt is part of being an adult. If you're afraid of getting hurt you'll never live. And sometimes it's worth getting hurt." Natasha eyed Lila silently and when the girl still refused to look up, she added: "But there's more, isn't there?"

This time Lila didn't take as long to answer. "Will you and Dr Banner get married?"

The question surprised Natasha. It wasn't a topic that had come up so far between the two of them. "I don't know," she answered therefore honestly. "Maybe some day. Maybe never. We're content the way it is so far. Why are you asking?"

"Because when two people are married they're getting children of their own. I don't want you to have your own children. You won't spend so much time with Cooper, Nate and me anymore and you won't love us as much."

"Who told you that?" Natasha asked, anger lacing her voice slightly. If she got hold of this dickhead…

Lila shrugged again. "A friend at school. She said her aunt didn't visit as often when she got married and had her own children."

"Lila, you have to listen now very closely, alright?" Natasha shifted her position so she could better hold the girl's gaze when she gently lifted her chin and wiped away the tears that started to run over her cheeks. "I will never, _never_ love you or your brothers any less. No event in the whole wide world could change that, do you understand? Lila, I know you since your birth. You always reached for me the second you noticed me. You played with my hair before you could say my name. Cooper was the first one after your Dad to welcome me in the family. He once wanted to give me his plush hawk when I had to leave; by that I barely knew him twenty-four hours. Nathaniel is _named_ after me and though I don't know whether I deserve the honour, he fell asleep more times in my arms than I can count. You three… You three are all the children I'd ever wish for. I don't think Bruce and I will ever have children of our own but even so… I would never forget what you gave me. Do you hear, Lila? Whatever happens, I will never love you any less, no matter what. Come here." She gently hugged the crying girl close, kissing her hair and wiping away the tears that seemed to never stop. "Bruce won't ever take away Auntie Nat from you."

"But you visit less often since he's back," Lila sobbed. "Someday you will stop visiting at all."

Natasha smiled reassuringly. "That's just because there was a lot of missions we had to do. All of us. And the day I stop visiting is the day I died, Lila. I promise you this, sweetie: as long as I live, I will never abandon you or your brothers. Or your parents, for that matter. Whatever the case, I will always be there for you when you need me. No Bruce and no child of my own could ever stop me from doing so."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

The hooked their pinkies for a moment and slowly the tears stopped until Lila was merely sniffling. "I'm sorry. I was stupid."

"It's okay to be stupid sometimes when it's about people we love. But you know how to make it up? You could try to get to know Bruce a little better. He is worried to have done something wrong that you don't like him. And he wants to get along well with you because he knows how much you mean to me."

Lila wiped the sleeve over her nose. "Okay. I'm sorry, Auntie Nat."

"No need to be." Natasha kissed her hair again, smoothed it behind her ear and stood up, offering Lila a hand to take. "Let's collect some more wood and then head back, alright? I Bet the guys are almost done with our dinner."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well what do you think? Is Lila overreacting?**


	40. Puzzle (098)

**A/N Alright, I'm kinda sorry because I ust forgot to update. Right now there's a lot on my plate (my car broke down, I just started my bachelor thesis, ...) so please forgive the last delay and any further ones. But good news, with this chapter we managed one third of the overall challenge. One third! Can you believe that? I hope you like it and as I hope to be able to stick with the weekly update, but for the next two months I'd rather not make any promises I'm not sure to be able to keep.**

Invader Johnny: That is more than true.

MaRiA.Z.A.: No, up until now I kind of avoided bringing Sarah and the Barton kids together, though there were (are?) plans of doing so. Yeah, Nat would never leave those kids but I think Lila's fears are understandable. Kinda.

DarylDixon'sLover: Yeah, she doesn't have it easy, has she?

Hiya: Thank you very much!

WidowInBlack: I'm glad you can forgive her :) It's funny, sometimes I ship them, sometimes I don't like them at all. Other fanfictions showed me how great they could have been so that's were my shipping times are stemming from. Yeah, you kinda start missing those kids, right?

* * *

Title: Puzzle (#98)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky, feat. Clint

Word count: ~2460

* * *

Natasha heard gunshots and screams from the hallway outside her little room. She looked up, still bound to the chair. Her head throbbed and the sound of something metallic slamming against the walls did not help in the slightest. Suddenly the door burst open and Natasha had to do a double take. A robot in red and gold walked towards her, his steps sounding uncomfortably on the concrete floor. Then suddenly his _face_ slid up and revealed a man underneath. "Guys, I found her. Let's get out of here!"

Natasha frowned. Now she hoped she had been able to slip from the cuffs around her wrists but they were too tight and her head made every thinking impossible.

The ma in the metal suit seemed confused. Or was it worry? "What, Red, no snarky comment about being too late? Or a thank you?"

"Who the hell are you?" Natasha stared blankly at him and instantly sat straighter. He didn't radiate danger although the suit was quite impressive.

His laugh sounded nervous. "Yeah, sure, nice one. Now come on, let's bring you home."

The moment he cut her cuffs with some laser, she turned around and jumped, wrapped her legs around his neck and tried to bring him to the ground. It was a desperate attempt, Natasha knew it, but she wouldn't return. Never. She'd left the Red Room and if they wanted to get her back, it wouldn't be without a fight.

The suit the man was wearing seemed to help him keep his balance because she had no chance in flipping him over. Instead he had her pinned to the floor pretty quickly. "Alright, I know I pissed you off by tinkering with your Widow's Bites, but that's just no way to greet a helper."

"If you're bringing me back, you're most certainly not a helper."

"What's going on here? Tony, we don't have time for that." Another man stood in the doorway, his face scrunched up in exasperation. The fact that he held bow and arrow in his hands gave Natasha pause. In what kind of freak show was she?

"Sorry 'bout that, Red, but we don't have time for playing games." The man – he had been called Tony, right? – sounded apologetic and then, suddenly, it was dark around her.

~#~#~#~#~#~

When Natasha awoke again, her head throbbed even more than before but it took her less than five seconds to take in her surroundings. The room she was in was small with something that looked like a one-way-window on one wall. At the very least the size of the 'mirror' was suspicious. The walls had a funny looking honey comb structure but at least the bed she was lying on was soft. Someone had changed her clothes to sweats and a tank top while she had been out: loose fitting, kind of a size too big and quite comfortable. There also seemed to be hidden cameras since once Natasha had sat up a hidden door opened and a man stepped in, carrying a tray with food on it. Her stomach growled audibly.

"Hey, Nat," the man said, his voice careful as if talking with a skittish animal. "Thought you were hungry. How about some burgers? Extra cheese, little salt at the fries, just the way you like it. And a strawberry milkshake, of course."

Natasha made no move to take the tray. "Where am I?"

The man's face faltered for a moment but his patience seemed to win over. "Home. At the Tower. You know, Stark's tower. Though that's not your room. Banner was worried about you so he wanted a place for you where he could check on you. Just in case you needed something. You were kinda out of it so we all were worried. Though Tony'd probably deny it."

"Who's we?" Natasha kept her face straight, no emotion whatsoever on her features. She sensed that her behaviour alienated him but she didn't know why. It was almost like he was… offended?

"We, that's… well, that's the Avengers. Me and Steve and Tony and Bruce and Thor. Wanda. Sam. Vision. Bucky, of course. Your team. Your… Your family."

"I don't have a family. And I sure as hell don't work with a team. To many variables you can't control." Natasha gave a little shrug but still made no move towards to food although by now her stomach _hurt_. When had she last eaten?

The man frowned slightly and moved closer, but Natasha instantly backed up against the wall. Her head still throbbed and it was hard to focus when her vision kept getting blurry. Instantly he stopped and now hurt was evident in his eyes. Pathetic.

"Nat? Do you know who I am?" he asked softly as if dreading the answer.

"No."

The man nodded and put down the tray for her, keeping a distance as if to not threaten her. "I'm Clint. We're… friends. Rather family. My kids call you Auntie Nat. Cooper is the oldest, all up for this computer stuff you're showing him. Lila wants to be like you when she's grown up though I doubt I can handle two of you. And little Nate just learned to say your full name. You're his namesake because of the big role you play for my family."

Natasha didn't react. Those were lies he was feeding her. What else? She didn't interact with kids and she sure as hell didn't spend enough time around people to get one to want his child after her. Just why was he telling her this? What was he after? Though his name _did_ sound familiar.

Clint turned away and the door opened again. "Everything will be fine, Nat. I promise."

~#~#~#~#~#~

When the door opened the next time, Natasha felt herself standing attention. "Soldier," she greeted the man stepping in. His dark hair was shorter than she remembered but the metal arm she spotted underneath his shirt was still the same. But not his eyes. Fear and horror was mirrored in his eyes when she greeted him this way, a sentiment she could not quite understand.

"It's Bucky, now. Or rather again. Though you more often call me James. You're the only one, really." A soft, fond smile played on his lips.

A micro-expression of surprise flitted over her face. For some reason he seemed to like her. Not just like the men she seduced for a mission's sake, but _really_ like her. "Bucky?" she tested the name and found it somehow familiar though she could not put her finger on it. "You're not the Winter Soldier anymore? We are not in the Red Room?"

"No." His voice was still soft and he sat down on the floor just three feet away from her bed. "Well, not really. I'm not the Winter Soldier anymore though I still go by that name sometimes. You helped me break the brainwashing. It took some time and sometimes I was convinced we'd never make it, but you never gave up. You never gave _me_ up."

"But Madame B.-"

"Madame B. has no control over you anymore," the Soldier – James! – interrupted her. "You left the Red Room and were on the run for some time. Clint was sent to kill you originally but he defied orders and took you with him. Because you wanted it. Because you wanted to go straight. You joined SHIELD years ago and finally became a member of the Avengers. We'd be screwed up without you."

"I left." It didn't sound like a question. "There was a fire."

"Yes."

"Did I cause it? The fire in that hospital?"

James hesitated. "Yes."

Natasha nodded. "I can't believe I really left."

"You always were the rebellious one. Didn't make training you very easy to be honest."

"That man yesterday… Clint. Is he the Clint who'd taken me in?"

"Yeah. He's a good guy and you're pretty close."

"What about the others? Those Avengers?"

Suddenly James seemed utterly tired. He lowered his gaze and ran his hand over his face. "What did they do to you, Natasha?"

"I don't know." Her voice was quiet; somehow his distress affected her, let her feel uncomfortable. Almost sad. "What do you know what happened?"

James sighed before he looked at her again. "A mission went south. Badly. Somehow they managed to capture you. HYDRA." His metal hand clenched into a fist; he didn't seem to notice. "It took us days to find you and when we finally did… you didn't remember. Stark thought you were screwing with him but now… Now we're not so sure anymore. Bruce ran some tests but he didn't found anything. Yet. His latest idea was that you were hit pretty badly on the head so it's all temporary."

"At least that's what you hope, right?" Natasha smiled slightly.

"Yeah, but it's more than hope. I just _know_ you will remember. Who the Avengers are. What we were."

"We?" Natasha echoed and quirked a brow.

James shrugged and gave her a grin she just knew had melted many hearts. Hers to? "We never actually _said_ to be a thing; it was, or it is, rather common knowledge." Then he sobered up in the blink of an eye. "But that's not important right now. No pressure. You need to get better first."

"Am I a captive in this room? Clint said something about me being home."

"Yeah, about that. You attacked Tony. The guy in the metal suit. We didn't know what you couldn't remember and didn't want to take any risks. You wouldn't forgive yourself if you'd hurt Clint."

"Then why did you let him in here?"

James smiled almost apologetically. "That guy doesn't take no for an answer if it's about you. Can't really blame him."

"You're here for the same reason? Because you wouldn't take no for an answer?" Natasha felt a smile creeping on her face. A fond smile. She wasn't used to people caring about her. Or at least not that she would remember.

"That and because you can't hurt me. Steve and I, we both were subjected to the super soldier serum. I know to never underestimate you but I think I can safely assume to be a match for you."

"Wanna test that theory?" A playful smirk appeared on her lips and Natasha was at least partly sure it was an honest one.

It didn't have the desired effect on James, though. His eyes grew hard. "Tested it enough already."

"How so?"

He stood up, slowly, and stepped over to Natasha. He looked her in the eyes as if asking for permission, then he carefully lifted the hem of her shirt an inch. His finger caressed a scar there. "That's the first time I shot you. You were protecting someone and the Winter Soldier had orders to kill him. I shot him through you." James let the fabric down again, then reached for her shoulder and touched another scar. "Here I shot you a second time. After I presumably killed your boss, Fury. Steve was there, too, and Sam." His eyes wandered to her neck and he gently caressed her flawless skin. "The third time I almost killed you you weren't scarred. Not physically, that is. It was me who didn't recognize you back then."

"Were we what we are now back then? The third time?"

"No." James shook his head. "Only way later. But I'm still sorry about it."

"How do I know I can trust you? That everything you told me is true?" Natasha's voice was quiet.

James shrugged and combed her hair back. Natasha liked the feeling of his fingers on her scalp. "Trust your instincts. And do me a favour? You need to eat something. I promise you, no one here wants to harm you. No one."

Natasha nodded. "Somehow, I believe you. I don't know why."

"Maybe a part of you remembers. I won't give up that easily." Suddenly he pulled her close, holding her in a tight embrace. One hand lay on her lower back, the other cradled the back of her head. "I'm just glad we got you back. Ask the other guys, I was a mess. Banner had to give me something so I would sleep at all."

"Sorry." Natasha felt _safe_ in his embrace and somehow compelled to apologize. Her head just throbbed a little bit more. He was her instructor, not her partner. She wasn't supposed to feel safe with him. Not like this.

James kissed the crown of her head and finally let go of her. "Eat. Sleep. We'll figure something out. The most important thing for you is to rest. I'll come back later."

"Can you tell that Clint guy I'm sorry? I can't believe anyone would let me near his kids but he seemed honest."

"I'm sure he understands but I'll tell him either way. Goodnight, Natasha."

"Goodnight… James."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Days went by. Natasha was finally allowed out of the little room and back to the apartment she had shared with James. Before she could say or ask anything, he immediately offered to take the sofa for the time being until she remembered his feelings for her. She met the other members again but kept her distance; there were too many new people for her liking.

It was night when Natasha awoke, sweat beading on her forehead. Her breath was ragged and the sheets were lying in a heap on the floor. Only slowly were the images of her nightmare fading. A nightmare she was sure to be real. Natasha wanted, _needed_ comfort and without further ado she left the bed and crept into the living room. James was lying on the sofa, a blanket placed loosely over him. Carefully Natasha lifted one edge of the blanket and slipped under it, but James awoke nonetheless.

"Everything alright?" he mumbled, sleep still thick in his voice, but he shifted to make room for Natasha.

She didn't answer but snuggled close to him, trying to gain as much from his warmth as possible. "I dreamt. I was back in this cellar. Back where they… They tried to make me a weapon again. They wanted to wipe what I had become."

Suddenly James was on high alert. "You remember? Everything?" Natasha nodded against his chest, feeling a giant weight lifted from her. James wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair. "God, that's just… I'm so sorry for what they did to you, but I'm glad you remember. That you remember me. Us."

"I shouldn't have forgotten it in the first place."

"No!", he said firmly, almost growled it. "Don't fault yourself. Please, Nat. Not for that. None of that was your fault. I'm just glad you're back."

"Me too."


	41. Cat (023)

**A/N Welcome back guys. This next oneshot is kind of a character study done by Clint, I guess, but honestly, that'sone of the texts where I just started writing and then it sort of happened. So I hope you like it though there isn't much story to it. Big shoutout to MaRiA.Z.A who provided the 100th review for this collection. You guys are just insane; when I started this I'd never thought to reach so many readers let alone write all those oneshots. Thanks for making this possible, because without having readers actually wanting to read what I'm doing here, I guess I'd given up a while ago.**

Godd3ss: Thank you very much! As you might see, this chapter won't be a continuation and until I read your review I didn't even consider contnuing this. Might be I'll change my mind, like Nat and Bucky going to stomp this facility to the ground...

Invader Johnny: I think Nat's problem is the fact that she thinks she has to be perfect. Period. A remnant of her time in the Red Room, probably, but that she just can't stand making mistakes.

MaRiA.Z.A: It's perfectly fine having a favourite ship, but thanks for reading it until the end nevertheless. And don't worry, there will be more Romanogers at some point. Well, it might be the Red Room's fault, yes, but I guess Nat could work on it if she saw a point, you know? Maybe there will come a day when she can just accept to not have to be flawless all the time.

DarylDixon'sLover: Yeah, me too :) I'm glad you liked it. And I plan on letting Smaug from a previous chapter make a reapperance, though I'm not sure yet when I will have the oneshot done.

* * *

Title: Cat (#23)

Characters: Clint (Natasha)

Word count: ~1010

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Sometimes, when Clint thought about Natasha or saw her she reminded him of a cat. Not the small, fluffy ones, but no tiger, either. Rather those Norwegian Forest-Cats; bigger than Miss Fluffy and not as dependent. It all probably started when an Agent had called her 'Barton's Russian stray' under his breath when he had Natasha brought into SHIELD. He'd only called her that once, though, because a second later she had been kneeling on his back. Still, the name stuck around and though it had originally intended to be a slight, Clint couldn't deny the truth in it. She _had_ looked like a stray. Thin, peaky even. Her hair a matted mess. The beautiful face marked by her most recent fights: bruises in every colour of the rainbow fighting for attention on her skin, abrasions – luckily not infected – right on her cheekbone. Really, the only thing missing had been a lacerated ear to make the cat-comparison perfect.

And just like a stray that had been kicked and hurt one too many times, it took a long time until she trusted him enough to open up to him. Clint would spend his free time in her apartment, chatting away to try and get a response out of her. He never made any attempt of bodily contact or closing the distance she kept; rather he would wait until Natasha initiated it. It started with fleeting touches while he taught her the basics of cooking when they handed each other a knife or something. Then, suddenly, she had let him comfort her after one of her worse nightmares. After that she hadn't expect a hit when touched; at least not from him. Clint had been glad for the small things.

She had been skittish like a stray when it came to loud noises at the beginning, too. Every time there had been a loud, sudden sound that couldn't be immediately connected to what they were doing, she used to stiffen and assume a fighting stance. Her movement had been the subtlest Clint had ever seen; had he not paid so much attention to her, he definitely would have missed it.

But the most eerie part had been her eyes. Whenever there had been something to scare her, whenever she expected severe punishment for a minor mistake – Natasha had once dropped a plate while fooling around for the first time and had turned so fucking _scared_ when it had shattered on the floor, that it had just broken Clint's heart. Though, someone not spending as much time with her as he had wouldn't have noticed her fear. Her face had stayed smooth, not a single muscle out of place to ruin this perfect stoic expression, but her eyes… Her eyes had spoken of the horrors she hadn't told him about yet. He'd made an effort to play it off, to show her that she wouldn't be whipped for breaking a freaking plate.

And just like a stray that was shown she could have a home – a real home where she was loved and cared for – Natasha slowly gave away her trust. And once you've earned it, _really_ earned it, you needed to do a lot of crap until she gave up on you. Clint intended to never let it go that far south between the two of them. It might be that she depended more on him than he did on Natasha; but by now she was family. It was hard to imagine live without Natasha again after she became that big a part of his family.

Just like a cat she would make a show of not caring about you but would bring you a mouse every once in a while. The Avengers were the best example. Even Tony, with whom she had her problems after she had given him a No for the original initiative, and Bruce, who had hunted her as his alter ego through the Helicarrier, she cared about. She made sure to bring them something to eat every once in a while and reminded them that sleep still was a thing when they holed up in the lab for too long. Whenever she visited the farm, she'd make sure to bring something for the kids; even if it was just a new book she wanted to read together with them. She'd also bring a new recipe for Laura to try out together, although that more often than not meant that Laura was cooking and Natasha was sitting on at the table, telling stories from missions or her fellow Avengers. She made sure to always stock the Tower on poptarts so there were some when Thor would visit unexpectedly. Steve had once made the mistake of approaching her about caring for the team – a mistake Clint would have told him not to make, but he hadn't been around in time – with the result of Natasha pulling another cat-stunt.

Like any cat that valued her freedom, sometimes Natasha would just vanish without leaving as much as a note. No one would know to where she'd go and even less so when she intended to return. It could be days, weeks, sometimes months. But one could count on her returning eventually, tired and beaten up but alive. Instead of retiring immediately to her room, she would join dinner or game's night or a movie they were watching, taking her usual seat to the side and exchanging snarky comments with Tony. But if one looked really close, one would see the little smile playing on her lips. Not her usual smirk or the smile that was designed to make any man's knee weak. But the little, happy smile she had had to learn first when she had joined SHIELD.

So yes, Clint liked to compare Natasha to a cat. But that didn't mean he would share this thoughts with her. Just like a cat, she also had claws and after their long partnership he might knew better than most that she was quite unscrupulous using them when time called for suitable measures.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? It's a rather short piece compared to the more recent ones, but this idea just stuck in my head.**


	42. Die For You (092)

**A/N Sooo, since the last one was kinda short after a whole bunch of longer oneshots, this here is pretty long, too. And that's partially because I'll be at my mother's next weekend for Whitsunday and the next Chapter will probably take some longer. Sorry for that in advance. But now is now and I'm curious to what you think about this one ;)**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much!

Invader Johnny: Pretty deadly, yeah. I kinda think whoever calls her Black Cat wouldn't survive long enough to finish the name...

WidowInBlack: Don't worry about it but I'm glad you're back online. Yeah, I'll check her fictions out once I'm done with my thesis. Big pinky promise! Yeah, I'm hoping that too, but at least I'm allowed to write about something interesting, so that makes it easier ;) And thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it though it was rather short.

MaRiA.Z.A: I think no one would be brave enough to analyse Nat that way even in their thoughts just out of fear she'd might know what you've been thinking. But Clint is allowed to do pretty much everything. Thanks for your praise! Well, yeah, happy times it would be. Definitely.

* * *

Title: Die For You (#092)

Characters: Natasha, Seve, feat. Avengers and Barton's

Word count: ~3250

* * *

„Whose idea was it again to attack this base on a Friday?" Natasha asked after she had taken out another man that had been charging at her with her Widow's Bites.

"Why? You had plans for tonight with Spangles?" Tony answered her via comms. She could hear him using his repulsors in the background.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "That's not the point. It's almost weekend. Those guys like their weekends as much as we do. Don't tell me you wouldn't fight harder on a weekend than, let's say, on a Wednesday."

"She has a point," Clint chimed in, his voice resounding funnily from the vents he moved in. "Even bad guys like their free time."

Steve gave an exasperated sigh. "Alright, how about we get this done so all of us can enjoy their weekend?"

"Fine, I gotta ask again: you and Red, any specific plans? You know, we could make a detour on the way back and drop you on the Bahamas or something."

"I swear, Tony, if you don't shut the hell up then Pepper needs to find another annoying boyfriend." Natasha's voice was flat, indicating she was in no way joking. "And sooner or later she's gonna thank me for it."

"Ooh, you're kissing the Captain with that mouth? You know he doesn't like that kind of language."

"Just quit it, Tony. Focus on what you're supposed to do 'cause I won't be able to prevent Natasha from killing you when she sets her mind to it."

" _No one_ would be able to prevent Natasha doing from _anything_ ," Clint chimed in.

"Alright, guys, quit the chitchat. We can do that later," Steve put an end to the discussion.

She crept closer towards the entrance and threw a look inside. While Clint had taken his favourite route inside (that guy just loved the vents) to scour a server room at the other end of the facility, Natasha and Steve had chosen to go in the front door and, if necessary, shoot their way to another, nearer server room. Tony and Thor would provide sufficient distraction and Bruce hoped a Code Green wouldn't be necessary.

"You know… I did have plans for tonight," Steve admitted quietly once he was beside her.

Natasha's lips curled upwards in a smile. "Is that so? And what exactly were those plans?"

"Not gonna tell. It was supposed to be a surprise so I'll just save it for another weekend."

"Looking forward to it." And then, just as quick, Natasha was back in mission mode. Stealthily she went into the narrow corridor, eyes and ears focused on her environment in case someone stupid enough tried to sneak up on them. One of her hands felt for the batons attached to her belt; she'd grown quite affectionate of them after Tony had handed her those in his lab. They made it to the corner of the corridor without any problems. Natasha leaned around it and raised four fingers to signalize Steve how many opponents were waiting down the corridor. He nodded in understanding and raised his shield but Natasha shook her head, took the batons from her belt and pressed the buttons to power them up. Electricity ran in a crackling blue down their length and a smile played her lips. Not even a full minute later all four of them were lying on the ground unconsciously.

"Sometimes you do scare me, you know that. Right?" Steve muttered under his breath with a little shake of his head.

Natasha winked at him. "That's why you like me."

"Hey, lover birds, JARVIS says your server room should be down the corridor then left and then somewhere on the right side of that corridor you're in," Tony announced over their comms. "Get this intel we're here for so we can go home again."

"He's one to talk," Natasha murmured and moved further down, Steve always at her side.

They kept their conversation to a minimum while they went in the direction Tony had pointed out to them. Curiously enough, the number of goons was kept to a bare minimum. Aside from the four Natasha had already gotten rid of, Steve knocked out three more. Steve seemed equally sceptical of the almost eerily quiet they encountered. "Is it just me or was that too easy?"

"Maybe they're already gone for the weekend," Natasha replied but her answer lacked the humour she would normally use. When the server room wasn't shut, she simply raised an eyebrow towards Steve and stepped carefully inside. "Alright, Clint? We're there. How are you doing?"

"Think just found the right room," came the answer. "Say, did you also encounter a certain lack of guards?"

"Just some in the corridor but far less than we anticipated. Your server's room empty, too?"

"Yeah. Nat, I really don't like that. I'm starting to think intel's been crappy about this facility."

"Me too. Get what you can and then get out of there."

"Be careful," Clint simply said. A little _click_ indicated he'd shut off the comm link to be able to go to work without any distraction.

Natasha didn't lose any more time. While Steve positioned himself at the entry, she started to type to hack her way into the files HYDRA pretty obviously wanted no one to see.

"You know, with all this modern stuff in this century… I'm quite thankful for digitalization. Just imagine we'd need to leaf through thousands of ages to find what we're looking for," Steve mentioned and risked a quick look towards Natasha before gazing back into the corridor.

Natasha chuckled behind him. "Well, yeah, but picking a lock is often faster than hacking a computer. Whoever secured this is at least equally as smart as I am, so I might need… Nope, I don't. I'm in."

"Can't you hurry this up so we can get the hell out of here?" It spoke for the uneasiness in his voice that nobody – not even Tony – made a comment about Steve using foul language.

"I'm doing what I can over here, Rogers." Natasha fought hard not to roll her eyes. Yes, she didn't like it either that it had been that easy. In their line of work that seldom meant something good. But there was nothing she could do to either speed up the search process or put Steve's mind at ease.

And then a siren blared through the silence. "Natasha?" Steve's voice was barely audible over the noise. On every screen a counter popped up, counting down from ten minutes.

"Shit. Maybe whoever secured the files _was_ better than I am."

"Red? What happened in there?"

Natasha didn't answer. Tony would never let her live down the fact that she tripped an alarm while hacking the files. _Never_. Frantically she again typed away on the keyboard. They needed as much intel as they could get but she just wasn't able to bypass the alarm, let alone shut it off. "Fuck," was the only thing she could mutter under her breath.

"Natasha, we need to get out of here, now." Then Steve turned to the whole team over the comms. "We need to evac. This was set up. Make sure to get away from the facility."

"I would love to, Cap, but my door's closed. I'd take the vents but they're not fast enough."

"We need to get Clint out of here first. I won't leave without him." Natasha brushed past Steve into the corridor. "Tony, I need JARVIS to locate Clint's exact position. Immediately."

"Coming directly to your Stark Pad."

Before Natasha could even thank him, Clint's strained voice sounded in her ear. "You'll get yourself killed, Nat. Get out of here. Now!"

"What, hoping to get rid of me that easily? No way, Barton."

Steve grabbed her by the wrist. "He's right," he said quietly. "You'll never open that door in time and I won't let you walk to your death. I can just bust it open without losing time."

"I won't be the one to tell his kids their dad won't come home this time. And I'm sure as hell not telling Laura. Let me go," she demanded in a dangerously quiet voice.

"Get out of here. I'll go and get him." Steve gently took the Stark Pad from her fingers. "I promise you won't need to tell anyone anything."

"Steve…"

"We don't have time, Nat," he interrupted her and held her gaze with his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then trust me with the life of your best friend." When Natasha nodded in response, Steve sighed in relief. Then he pulled her tight and kissed her urgently. It just took the fraction of a second but in his kiss lay a promise and an urgency Natasha had seldom seen on him. "I love you. And now get out of here. That's an order, Romanoff."

It was the first time he'd told her he loved her. Although everything in her screamed to follow him, to help him, to let him know she loved him back, she knew she would only distract him. Not it was obvious why there weren't as many guards as they anticipated to encounter. So instead of insisting she'd come with him, she turned towards the exit and ran a few meters farther away to the point where Tony and Thor where already waiting for her.

"Our Captain will save the Eye of the Hawk, Lady Natasha," Thor tried to reassure her.

Natasha could only nod numbly in response. When Thor was able to see her distress, she obviously didn't hide it very well. Tony on the other hand let his face plate slide open and took a different approach to take her mind off whatever was going on inside the facility. "What happened?"

"Like Steve said, it was a setup. I bypassed the password but seemed to have tripped an alarm with that. There weren't even files worth protecting. Nothing. They always knew we were coming." Natasha's voice was hollow, her eyes fixed in the facility. "It was a stupid mistake. I should have trusted my gut. I-"

"Hey, stop with the self-depreciating for a moment, alright," Tony interrupted her. "It happens. Period. Spangles and Birdbrain will make it out there and then we can fly back and drown our mood in alcohol. And I'll give you some private lessons regarding your hacking skills." He quickly held up his hands when Natasha gave him the stink eye. "Not _that_ kind of private lesson, geez. You really think I'd steal away Cap's girl?"

"I'm no one's girl," Natasha answered rather reflexively."

Tony scoffed. "Yeah, right. We all heard what he said. And the lip-locking. And, you know, we may not be spies but we're not dumb."

Natasha was spared the answer when the facility blew up behind them with a loud bang. As in trance she turned around and only when Tony slung his arms around her to stop her, she realized she had been running towards the flames. "Let me go. Let me _go_ , Tony!" She tried to squirm her way out of his grip and although he was still wearing his suit she proved to be a challenge. "We need to get them out there. Now! _Let me go_!"

"If you walk any nearer you'll burn yourself. That'll help neither of them."

"But we need to do _something_ ," Natasha answered, still trying to get him to release her. Her brother and the man she loved were both caught in this flaming hell; she simply couldn't just sit there and wait. "I promised Lila to make sure her dad would come home. I promised her, Tony. And I'm just not ready to tell a little girl that her father will never return to her. And Steve…"

Tony turned her around rather briskly and forced her look at him. "Alright, Natashalie, now you listen very closely. You won't need to tell anyone anything. Get your head back in the game, channel your bitchy self, but whatever you do you need to calm down." He waited five seconds until her breaths weren't as hectic anymore, though her eyes still frantically changed between his face and the facility. Then he added: "You're going to stay here and don't you dare be any trouble to Goldilocks or I'll let Banner send out the Big Guy. JARVIS and I will see that we get our boys out there."

Natasha hated to be left behind like the damsel in distress. She solved her problems herself, always had. She didn't ask for help. But on the other hand, she was also supposed to not let anyone grow on herself. The Avengers did just that. And as much as she hated to admit it, Tony was right: she simply couldn't do anything the way things were now. And the more she fought, the more time passed in which no one helped Steve and Clint. So she nodded simply and took a step away from Tony. He took off immediately. Natasha felt for the little earpiece to make sure it was still functioning. "See anything?"

"JARVIS could locate their comms. Thor, I need your help to move the wreckage."

"I am on my way, Friend Stark." Thor swung his hammer and propelled himself into the air, leaving Natasha back.

"Hey guys? Shall I send in the Other Guy?" Bruce sounded rather appalled by the idea but Natasha was glad he'd offered nonetheless.

Tony answered while Natasha already ran towards him and Thor. "Naa, we manage. But you'd probably should keep the medical equipment ready, just in case."

Natasha reached the rest of the team just in time to see Thor lift a giant piece of concrete, throw it to the side and then bend down to lift something – no, _someone_ – so very carefully and gently that it seemed unusual for the Asgardian. A gasp escaped her lips when she saw the bloodied figure of her best friend, the broken bow still tightly gripped in one hand. Thor carried him over and bed him on the rubble near her. "Do not worry, Lady Natasha; he is still alive," he said quietly and returned to Tony to help him further.

Natasha in turn knelt down beside Clint, gently wiping the soot and blood from his face. "I'm sorry, Clint. I really am. I shouldn't have let Steve distract me. Just don't you dare die on me, alright? That's some red I couldn't bear to see in my ledger."

"Not planning to," he answered with a raspy voice, coughing the dust from his lungs. "Where's Cap? I remember him using his shield to shelter us from the wreckage."

She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "I don't know," she finally whispered. "I don't.-"

"Hey, it's alright," Clint tried to soothe her and sat up, using her as leverage. "I heard what he said. All of it. He won't leave you like that."

"Hope you're right. I'm glad you're okay."

"You know me, I'm hard to kill. Besides, Laura would have killed me had I died over such a thing."

Natasha couldn't help but smile a little at that. "Yeah, she probably would."

"Found him," Tony's strained voice told her through her comm. "Bruce, you should make sure you have everything ready and bring the jet here. _Now_."

Natasha watched as Tony and Thor brought Steve from the wreckage, unconscious but seemingly alive. His front didn't look much worse than Clint's: some cuts and bruises and blood covering his face and uniform. It was only when they laid him face down on the ground that she saw his back. Burn marks marred the skin beneath the destroyed uniform, leaving the skin an angry red like the colour of her hair. Natasha moved towards his head, making sure to not be in the way once Bruce got there to treat hires back. Carefully, afraid that she might cause him even more pain, she brushed the hair from his face and kissed him feather-lightly. "I'm in love with a suicidal idiot," she whispered so low she could barely hear it herself. "Thank you for saving Clint but I'll still kick your ass once you're fit again."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Alright, old man, take a seat on the porch. Lila's making some lemonade and I need to make sure it doesn't consist completely of sugar." Natasha helped Steve ease into the seat, causing him to roll his eyes at her.

"I'm fine," Steve insisted. "No need to worry, I promise."

Natasha scoffed. "Yeah, sure. Your serum fought healing the burnings on your back; in fact, it's still fighting to heal you. And from what I've gathered, there's _always_ reason to worry about you."

Steve grabbed her hand when she turned to go back inside. "I'm sorry I've frightened you. I really am. But I'm almost as good as new."

"Yeah, the word being _almost_. Look, I'm thankful you've saved Clint; I can't tell you how much. But you can't just tell me you love me and then pull a stunt like that."

"I had to tell you," Steve answered quietly, tugging at her hand until she turned around to him. "And I meant it, I still do. Remember Tony asking for plans? I wanted to do this the right way; a dinner, a movie,…"

"And instead I'm dragging you here to meet my family officially." Natasha smiled a little and shook her head.

"Yeah." He laughed quietly.

Natasha bend down to kiss him lightly, quickly. "Get some rest. I'll be back in a sec." Then she went inside, already calling out to Lila.

The door opened again, but instead of Natasha it was Laura who stepped outside and sat down beside him. Steve nodded at her with a smile. "Ma'am."

"It's Laura for you," she said with a grin. "Being the guy to rattle Natasha and making her happy, we're definitely on first names."

Steve only inclined his head in acceptance.

"You know… I think I've never seen her so happy," Laura mused quietly. "She often leaves Agent Romanoff when she steps on the farm but there's still always a certain… sadness, I think. The kids seem to help her but with you… I saw you interacting the last few days. She does love you. And she is happy."

"I want nothing more than to see her happy. I would do anything for her."

"I know that. And I'm glad you saved Clint. If not for Nat, then this would make you a part of this family. But if you ever hurt her, if you ever break her heart… then no one will save you from me. I will ever be thankful for saving my husband but Nat is family, too."

"I understand, Laura," Steve answered solemnly and nodded. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Laura's smile grew warmer again. "Good."

Only a fraction of a second later the door opened again and Lila almost celebratory carried a tray with glasses full of lemonade to Steve and Laura, Nat close behind her. "Do you wanna taste my lemonade, uncle Steve?"

"Sure thing."

Natasha perched herself on the balustrade, smiling at the interaction. Even before the events some days prior Natasha had been sure Steve would die for her just because he was the team's captain. But now she also knew he would do it because of _her_. And just as well Natasha was sure to do the same thing for him. Instead of this knowledge being frightening, it was eerily calming.

* * *

2\. A/N Well, so? Too slushy? Or is it still bearable? Let me know what you think nd again, if you wish for anything to read, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.


	43. Fortitude (020)

**A/N This chapter is a bit shorter than the last one, but I needed to write some more Barton family time though without the kids this time :) As long as I still have some time left before I have to have my thesis finished, I'd like to give you your weekly update, and we'll see how I'll manage the next weeks.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much.

MaRiA.Z.A: Don't thank me too much or I'll be flattered too much ;) I'm glad you love it that much and don't worry, there are enough oneshots left for more Romanogers.

Wetsky: Thank you, I'm happy you liked it.

Invader Johnny: Action tells so much more about people than words could ever hope to do. Those characters are no exception.

* * *

Title: Fortitude (#20)

Characters: Natasha, Laura, feat. Clint

Word count: ~1615

* * *

Natasha just hated it when a mission went south. It usually resulted in her losing most of her knives in diverse body parts of some guys thinking they were a match for her and empty ammunition clips which caused the guy handing those out to her complaining about wasting bullets and money. Not to Fury, of course, but Natasha didn't need him whining when she'd just used said ammo to complete a mission of SHIELD's. To make things worse, she missed her extraction, leaving her somewhere in the nowhere of Iowa, beaten up and bleeding from several wounds. To put it shortly, tramping to D.C. was no possibility; the way she looked she'd rather be brought to a hospital or a police station and Natasha hadn't the nerve for either. That left her with only one option, really.

Natasha sighed, looked at her compass and started walking. When she reached a stream, she washed the more obvious blood from her body as to not scare some innocent hiker. Not that her catsuit would persuade him in believing she was an innocent hiker, too, but partly dried blood would most surely not help her case.

It was deep in the night when she finally managed to reach the familiar farmhouse. Relieve loosened the knot in her stomach the tiniest bit and her wound ached somewhat lesser, knowing she would be safe soon. The house was dark but for the living room's window; Laura seemed to be still up. Good. Natasha would have hated waking the children. She made an effort to _not_ approach the house silently, not wanting to startle Laura with a knock out of nowhere. Natasha was awarded with Laura quietly opening the front door just in time.

"You shouldn't open the door at night that easily," Natasha chided half-heartedly. "Sorry to intrude upon you so late but you were the nearest I could get without blowing my cover."

Laura only shook her head. "Get in here already. If I'd known you were coming I'd have bought a bottle of our favourite red."

"Didn't know I would be visiting, either," Natasha retorted, stepping fully into the light. "Mind getting the suture kit?"

The other woman's eyes widened when she noticed the bruises and cuts on Natasha's face. "Get on a chair and lose that suit. I'll bring you some of my clothes. You have any clothes that need washing?"

"Just a few."

"I'll throw them in," Laura said, taking the duffel bag from Natasha's hands. "And now sit down, I'm right back." She stayed true to her word. Natasha had barely shrugged off the suit and sat down on her favourite kitchen chair – until she'd met the Bartons she didn't know there was such a thing as a _favourite_ chair – when Laura returned with a medical kit and some clothes and put a glass of water in front of her. "From what roof did you fall?"

"No roof. Just a lot of guys with weapon, stronger and bigger than I am. Which is not exactly an achievement to be honest." Natasha sucked in a breath when Laura started cleaning the wound stemming from knives and bullets. "You have something stronger than water?"

"You're not going to get alcohol when your body needs its strength to heal," Laura replied sternly.

That only caused Natasha to roll her eyes. "I'm Russian."

"And I'm a mom, so quit it." The fond smile of Laura's lips made up for the rather strict words.

Natasha returned the smile without having to force it. "How are the kids?"

"Good. Cooper joined some science project class where they do a lot of experimenting. He pretty much loves it though I pretty much know it'll cause us trouble sooner or later. But so does his father, so why not?" She chuckled lightly without letting her hand waver when she started to stitch up the wounds. "Lila on the other hand handed some art project in last week. She was really proud of her A; I guess Clint and I should start saving up money for some art academy or something like that."

"She still hates math?" Natasha asked, making a mental note to set up her own college funds for the kids. What else was she supposed to do with the money SHIELD was paying her?

"Yeah. But we're exercising a bit every day. As long as she passes the exams, it's alright. I don't need another science kid; sooner or later they _would_ blow up the house."

"Probably true." Natasha shifted in her chair to allow Laura better access. "What about you? You're doing good?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Don't worry. The kids keep me occupied enough for three, so around the day I usually don't have the time to worry about you or Clint. The kids are asking for a dog lately and frankly, why not? Something big, maybe, so that potential unwanted intruders wouldn't just walk straight to the front door. But still nice enough to have the kids interact with him, you know? I don't think Clint would be completely against the idea, but still I wanna talk to him first. Would be his dog, too, after all."

"Just make sure Clint is home long enough so the guard dog would recognize him. Otherwise this could end in a rather ugly way." Though she meant it seriously, Natasha had to smile at the thought of Clint being coursed by his own dog. Maybe she'd even pay to see that.

Laura chuckled. "You're probably right." She worked in silence for a while before daring to ask. "What about you, Nat? Aside from the fact I'm stitching you together again."

"I'm good," Natasha answered with a shrug and without hesitation.

"Nothing new in your life you want to tell me about? I don't know, maybe a man?"

"Aside from Stark I have been spying on, no, I haven't met anyone new. And I'd rather die than be romantically involved with _him_."

"Can't exactly blame you. He seems to be an arse."

"That's a dollar for the swear jar, Laura."

"As if you paid for every curse. I bet there's still thirty dollars missing."

"Twenty-seven," Natasha corrected nonchalantly. "And I'll stuck them in next time I'm here; I need the rest of my money to get back to D.C."

"Won't they be coming to get you?"

"Missed my evac and I won't tell them to pick me up here. Clint wants to keep this a secret for a reason and I won't be the one to blow it. Though I probably should call and let Fury know I'm still alive. There's a booth down the driveway, right?"

"Don't be silly. Call Clint and tell him you're alright. I bet he's worried sick already. In the meantime, I'll make you something to eat."

"Laura, you don't-"

"When was the last time you've eaten?" Laura interrupted her with the stern look Natasha came to call the Mommy-Look. When Natasha didn't answer, Laura nodded as to herself and said in a somewhat softer voice. "Call them. And let me take care of my family."

Natasha nodded silently and started to change into the clothes Laura had brought for her. Though she interacted with Clint's family for some years now, she wasn't always used to being called a part of the family. It still was a concept that didn't always make sense for her but she long since stopped arguing with Laura. Instead she moved to the phone in the hallway and dialled Clint's number. He picked up after the first ringing.

"Hey, Honey, I'm sorry but that's not the right time to-"

"Better not tell Laura you call me Honey, too," Natasha interrupted him, her smirk audible in her voice.

The other end was silent for about two seconds. "Good God, you're alive. We were worried when you missed evac. Fury's about to make everyone in the observation room piss themselves while they were trying to find you."

"Tell him I'll be back for debriefing tomorrow. I already tried to apologize to Laura but she won't hear any of it, so… sorry that I went to the farm. I just didn't know where to turn to and I wasn't exactly in any shape to make it back to D.C."

"Well, I don't want to hear any of it either." He sounded slightly frustrated and annoyed. "Nat, you have every right to turn up there and ask for help. I won't say any more to this because I guess my woman already gave you this lecture. But don't apologize for feeling safe around my family."

"If you say so." A little smile played on her lips. "Gotta go, Laura's determined to batten me so I won't fit into my suit tomorrow."

"Good, you can need it."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "See you in D.C., Feathers."

"Hug my kids from me before you leave, alright? And tell Laura I love her."

"I bet she knows it, but yeah, I will."

"And, Nat? I'm glad you're okay. Love you, too."

Natasha knew he didn't mean it in any romantic way; that's why it meant so much more to her. She knew she was fortunate with having this family care for her. Her older brother, always on there to cheer her up and be the shoulder she could lean on when she feared to break. Her sister-in-law and the only motherly figure she'd ever came to experience, always trying to coddle her up and ready to stitch her together in the middle of the night. And the kids, who constantly reminded her she was human. "You too," she finally answered. And weakness or not, she meant it.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope you like this little piece of a nearly domestic scene - or as domestic as it can get, I guess. Let me know if there's something you liked a lot or if you saw something that's totally OOC or differently weird.**


	44. Orphan (048)

**A/N Alright, I really don't know what happened here... I just had an idea and wrote and then this was done. So, uhm, oops?**

Invader Johnny: Guess this is the only way she knows so it is indeed typical to her. And it fills me with joy depicting this family.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much. Yeah, especially Laura is taking the part of being motherly quite seriously, isn't she? I'm happy you liked it; it's fun wirting for the Barton family since they're not only sweet but also funny.

Rahaf: Thank you, I like it you like it :)

WidowInBlack: Thank you a lot! After reading "Sister in Arms" what you recommended to me, I love those two even more and give extra care to make them right. 99 per cent of what I write is in thrid person because first person can be really, really difficult. Though I'm planning to give you guys one or two oneshots in first person if they're worth reading once I'm done. And don't worry missing out on a few reviews; exam season can be a real bitch, it's just the same at university. So just review when you can manage and don't stress yourself about it. If you don't have the time to review before the next oneshot is up but you really want to tell me what you think about it (which I'm always grateful for because improving myself and stuff), I'm also happy about reading a review about an older chapter ;)

* * *

Title: Orphan (#48)

Characters: Natasha, an old lady

Word count: ~1510

* * *

The snow crunched underneath her boots as Natasha made her way towards the tiny village. Her figure was clad in a thick coat and her red hair was carefully hidden beneath the hood. Although she could have driven all the way, she had wanted to walk the last bit. To feel the cold biting her cheeks and the harsh wind penetrating her jeans where her coat didn't protect her. Somehow she had thought seeing the village, discovering it slowly would bring back memories. But the only memories that came up were of the Red Room.

Natasha turned left. She was aware of those few people following her with their gazes. She was a stranger to them. Maybe she had known them once, sitting on one knee or laughing at another goofy face. But now they were also strangers to her. She couldn't imagine the life she might have let if everything had gone differently.

After having released everything to the internet – with just little editing here and there – she had detected every piece of information SHIELD had collected about Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Some things she had never even heard of though information was sparse as it were. So while Steve and Sam were on their hunt for the Winter Soldier, Natasha had her own hunt going. Now she was here, in this little village where her parents were supposed to be lying in the cold earth.

Almost hesitantly she entered the cemetery. It wasn't big and most of its gravestones leaned crookedly against heaps of snow. Natasha made her way slowly, looking at every stone to read the names. Somewhere on the left she finally found them. Michail and Jekaterina. Gently she wiped some of the snow from the tombstone, then she put her hands back in the pockets of her coat and buried her nose in her scarf. Somehow she had expected to feel… more. A connection of some sort. But there were just names on a withered grey stone with some dates. No memories. Never before had Natasha hated the Red Room so much for taking away her family and the few memories she had had of them.

"Can I help you?" A soft voice let Natasha turn around towards an elderly woman.

Natasha shook her head. "I am just visiting."

The woman stepped closer and looked at the gravestone, then sighed. "Tragic what happened to those two."

"You knew them?"

"Everyone knows everyone here," the woman answered with a chuckle. "How about a nice cup of tea and I tell you what I remember? I am Maria."

Natasha hesitated. Sure, this woman posed no danger to her but if the KGB knew she was here… On the other side, she really wanted to know the people that once were her family. "Sure." She followed Maria to a little house not far from the cemetery where the older woman instantly vanished into the kitchen. Natasha shrugged off her coat and hung it over the back of a chair.

"Do you like sugar in your tea?"

"Just lemon. Thank you." Natasha took one of the tea biscuits, turned it upside down and took a bite. Then she laid her hands around the cup, observing the woman sitting across her. She had a friendly, weathered face, looking at her with kindness.

Maria returned the gaze just as curious. "You know… Jekaterina and Michail had a daughter with just as red a hair as yours. Inquisitive, energetic child. Of course, I haven't seen her in a long time."

"They had a child?" Natasha asked. Although she had been sure having found her parents, she could never be too sure.

Maria nodded. "A little girl. Natalia they had named her, after Jekaterina's mother. But she left the place decades ago. She had been good friends with my granddaughter and after the fire my husband and I wanted to take her in. To let her stay where she had grown up, you know?"

"What kind of fire?"

"It was strange," Maria mused, leaning back. "One night, their house was on fire. Just like that. Some thought the stove to be the reason for it, but Michail built it himself and this man knew what he had been doing. Only Natalia made it out alive. A miracle, some said."

Natasha caught on the tone. "But not you."

"No. I later heard some telling of a man sneaking around the house only minutes before the fire. But why should he have started the fire? And why saving Natalia? And then the next day some brother of Michail's was here, claiming to take Natalia with him. But Michail had no brothers. I wanted to argue with him; as I said, I would have raised Natalia as my own daughter, but… Well, he wasn't a man to be argued with. I don't know what became of her."

"The man… Was his name Ivan?" Natasha's voice seemed calm but inside her blood went cold. She dimly remembered a man named Ivan caring for her and training her in shooting. Once she had started ballet, she hadn't seen him again. He had been kinder than most but if he had killed her parents…

Maria shrugged and smiled apologetically. "I am an old woman. I fear I don't remember his name. Natalia was only four years old when he took her with him."

Four years. She had had four years of childhood before the Red Room started turning her into a weapon. Only four years of innocence. Why did they choose her? How did they decide who to take?

Maria watched her closely and something like sympathy showed on her face. "I am sorry, I did not want to disturb you."

"No, it's alright. I just didn't know most of this. There never was talk about a fire. And I didn't expect to meet someone who remembers Jekaterina and Michail," Natasha answered honestly.

"Maybe you should visit more often, Natalia. There are more stories I can tell."

Natasha instantly went into defensive mode, ready to attack everyone who dared to jump on her. But nothing happened. Maria didn't even move, just looked at her with that knowing, sad smile. "How?"

"Your hair was the first give-away. I've never seen that shade of red before or after you. And little Natalia also used to play with the biscuits when she came over so her parents could take care of business," Maria explained and shrugged. "I might be old, but I'd never forget a child with as many questions as you had."

Natasha didn't know how to react. Somewhere deep inside her she knew she could trust this woman. The feeling stemmed from the same place that had told her she could trust Clint and Steve. And she wanted to keep this connection to her past however fragile. "I don't remember you," she finally managed to get out, unable to sit down as relaxed as before.

"How could you? You were so small when you were taken away." Maria looked at her like she searched for something, but then she shook your head. "I am just sorry we didn't do more to try and keep you here. No one trusted this man but-"

"It's alright," Natasha interrupted, holding up her hands. "It happened the way it happened."

"He said he wanted to take you to a ballet school. Was that true?"

Natasha chuckled mirthlessly. "It wasn't exactly a lie."

"Your mother was a dancer, too," Maria recounted. "You two would dance together sometimes, but more often I saw her dancing behind the house. I once asked her why she hadn't pursued that career but she answered that you were coming along. Though she never told me where she learned it. Somehow Jekaterina didn't want to talk about it."

"Did she have scars? Like, scars that couldn't be explained by accidents in the house?"

Maria was silent for some time before she answered hesitantly. "Yes, I think there were some scars on her back I've seen once or twice. Like from a whip. I thought Michail had been hitting her, but Jekaterina told me not to worry about and that they were from her childhood. It seemed like her parents had been hitting her."

Again Natasha grew cold suddenly. Had her mother been in the Red Room, too? Then how had she become pregnant? And how had she escaped? Had she met Natasha's father there? Was that how the Red Room had learned about her? Or did they just find her parents and then learned that she had been born? Too many questions were flurrying around her head and Natasha felt the headache that started at her temples only to pound stronger with every heartbeat. "I should go." She didn't listen for Maria's protest but made a beeline for the door, ripped it open and stepped onto the street. The brisk wind helped calm her and with firm steps she walked back to her car. She needed answers and she was determined to find them. Even if she had to go back to the Red Room.


	45. Sacrifice (057)

**A/N Wow, guys, ou really blew my mind with your responses to last chapter. To be honest, I wasn't quite convinced of it myself but since you're pretty obviously loving it, maybe I'll continue this story arc about Natasha's past. This time I bought you the first part of two (or three) more directly connected oneshots. The second part is already almost written (yes, I'm still working on that bachelor thesis. Promise) and I guess it would be an end kinda. Let's talk about it when the second part is up whether you want a third part or not, alright? ;)**

Invader Johnny: Concerning her talent to get into trouble and her passion finding out something about her parents... the danger of dying there is certainly there.

WidowInBlack: Well, thank you very much! Yeah, that scene was my reason for starting this whole past-thing and I'm glad you like it. Maybe you'll drop me some of your more urgent questions so I can give you some possible answers in other oneshots ;)

Maria.Z.A: I'm happy you like it and the woman already had her name bevore you dropped me the first review ;) As I said, since you guys like this story arc that much, I'll probably write another one or two (or more?) about that part of Natasha's life.

* * *

Title: Sacrifice (#057)

Characters: Natasha, Steve (relationship), Clint, Tony, Coulson

Word count: ~1850

* * *

Thanos swatted the arrow aside like an annoying fly and turned with a predator grin towards Clint while flinging the lifeless body of Wanda aside. She landed not far from Vision, the mind stone missing from his forehead. "You will die next," Thanos announced and raised his gauntlet. Clint nocked an arrow to his bow in response. Without thinking even once about it, Natasha ran towards Clint and slammed her shoulder into his side to get him out of the way of the alien's attack. Thanos seemed surprised by her action, which Steve, Tony, Thor, Hulk and whoever was still standing took as their cue to attack him with joined forces.

Maybe it were minutes, maybe hours, but finally Thanos' body lay in a heap on the ground, the dust from the fight settling. Steve, who hadn't seen Natasha since she'd been knocking Clint out of the way, staggered to where he'd last seen them and stopped dead in his tracks when he took in the sight in front of him. Clint sat beside Natasha, own of her hands in his and his head hanging low. Without him really realizing it, his feet carried him over and he sunk to the ground on her other side. Clint caught his gaze and slowly shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes.

"If you start crying too, I'll kill you myself," Natasha rasped but the quietness of her voice took away any possible threat. A small thread of blood had escaped from her mouth.

"You shouldn't have done that," Clint said, sounding like he'd told her that more than once already.

Natasha still had enough strength left to roll her eyes. "And let you die? Laura would never have forgiven me. Tell the kids I love them to the moon and back."

"You tell them yourself," Steve said, gently propping her upper body up and trying to wipe the blood off her face. "We'll take you to Cho and you're gonna be alright again. Do you hear me?" His gaze touched on the wound that had the part of her suit on her lower abdomen black of blood and was short of racing back to her face.

Natasha raised her free hand and fleetingly touched his cheek. "I love you. You know that, right?" A cough cut her words and the men exchanged a helpless look.

"Of course I do," Steve answered choked.

"Good." Natasha smiled up to him. "Don't want you to forget it but do me a favour and don't forget to live. Promise that?" Steve could only nod, not trusting his voice. Natasha seemed satisfied enough and turned to Clint. "Thanks for saving me back then. And promise to find him a date."

"You were worth it all, Nat. Thank you for being the sister I never wanted."

"You're welcome." Her breathing grew even more ragged and she coughed again. Fear shone in her eyes. "I'm scared," she finally admitted barely audible.

"No need to," Clint answered when Steve wasn't able to. "You're not alone and we'll stay with you. You have nothing to fear."

Natasha's lips twitched in a smile. "Sounds like you're talking to Lila. Tell the other guys I'm sorry?" Her voice was so quiet by now, that even Steve with his enhanced hearing had difficulties understanding her.

"Of course." Steve cleared his throat. "Tony'll be miffed you're not coming to his party."

"He'll get over it." She reached up again, the movement slower and shakier this time, to wipe the tears from Steve's cheek. "I'm fine, Steve. That's how I wanted to go. Saving my family. I'm not made for the quiet life."

Steve wanted to disagree. He thought she'd be great at the quiet life if only she gave it a shot. Having seen her interacting with the Barton children had him convinced. But every word got stuck in his throat when Natasha's hand fell to the ground and the last of her breaths escaped her lips. "No, no, _no_. Natasha. Natasha! _No_!"

~#~#~#~#~#~

Steve couldn't remember returning to the facility or showering or changing into former SHIELD issued sweats before he went into the separated area of the infirmary where they had brought the bodies of their dead. There were more than he cared to count but his eyes were drawn to the redheaded woman on the left. The blood had been washed from her face and she seemed almost peaceful, like she was sleeping.

"I knew this day would come sooner or later but still… I never thought it could be you I'm losing out there," he said quietly, his hands braced on the stretcher Natasha was lying on and his head hanging low. "I miss you already. The apartment seems too big without you. And I really don't know how to move on from here. We've lost so many against Thanos… I need you to tell me that everything will be alright."

He sighed and shook his head. "Clint decided to tell Fury and Coulson about your… about you. They didn't take it lightly. Fury especially, as it seemed. I couldn't talk to him. I don't really want to talk to anyone right now. I know I should take care of Clint as team captain, but… I really don't know how."

Steve looked at Natasha's face again, hoping against hope that she would just open her eyes and be okay again. It had been years he'd desperately needed comfort but right now he would do anything to hold her in his arms again.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"But there has to be something we can do!"

"Steve, it's not only Natasha we've lost," Tony tried to reason the umpteenth time, but instead of sounding aggressive his voice was just tired. "Look, I understand you miss her. We all do. But I haven't found a way to revive the dead yet. And it's been almost two days now. I think it's time you said goodbye."

"It's _Natasha_ we're talking about. I can't-"

"Yes, you can," Tony interrupted him, his voice now slightly irritated. " _Barton_ said his goodbyes. We all did. You can't bring her back. Not even Thor knows something about that."

"What about Project TAHITI? Fury brought Coulson back with it." Steve was still slightly pissed at Fury for not telling them but that hadn't even begun to rival Natasha's feelings when she had heard her handler was alive again.

Tony sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair. "I know, I read the files. But I also read about the side effects. Memory flashes from the life before, weird scribblings… She already scared the shit out of me and I'm not sure whether a lunatic assassin is something one should create. Do you really want to inject her with alien blood and warp her mind? Let her suffer? Her mind has been played with time and time before; I've read her files concerning her time in the Red Room. Any more tampering with her brain might cause irreparable damage. Would that be worth her being alive?"

"I know about the side effects. Tony, she died saving her best friend. If there's someone deserving a second chance, it's her. A chance on leading a normal life. Her first chance since childhood, really. Shouldn't that be worth any eventual side effects?"

"Is that your reason? Or is it just the fact you want her back?"

"I love her, Tony," Steve said in a defeated tone. "I would give everything to just know she's alive and leads a live she deserves."

"Maybe I can help with that," an all too familiar voice announced.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Agent, you really should start using doorbells. Just saying. No one likes people that just pop up in their living space."

"What do you mean, help?" Steve asked, a spark of hope in his voice.

Coulson stepped slightly closer. "Concerning Project TAHITI. I won't say you should use it on Natasha. Or anyone. I've been on the receiving end and believe me when I say that death is a release. It is peace. But if you're not willing to let go of this plan, then I feel obliged to share what I know. Since my team and I discovered an ancient temple, there have been no more scribblings or dreams caused by the alien blood."

Before Steve had any chance to be too enthusiastic, Tony crossed his arms. "What about the mind tampering thing? Any weird memories?"

"Sometimes, yes. I still dream about being in pain. The implanted memories about Tahiti are almost non-existent anymore. The other patients had some déjà-vu kind of moments, especially when meeting people from their former lives. There was only one of seven – including me – who hadn't experienced this effect. But Mr. Stark is right: it is dangerous to bend memories and create new ones in a brain that has been tampered with so much already. No one can tell what effects that might cause."

"So we'd need someone to check in on her every once in a while. To see whether she is still alright," Steve murmured, rubbing a hand over his face.

Tony looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "That someone is you?"

Steve took his time answering. He would throw away his shield and his Captain America persona any time if it meant a life with Natasha in peace. But this wasn't about him. It was about Natasha and her well-being and he couldn't for everything in the world be selfish with her. "No," he finally said. "Clint's better suited for that job. He's known her longer than any of us and would notice if something were wrong. And I would like to avoid him having to tell his kids that Auntie Nat won't ever visit again."

"She wouldn't remember them. Not most things. And her name-"

"You kept your name," Tony reminded Coulson with a shrug. "Let her be an adoptive sister of Barton or something like that. Natasha Barton. Or Natalie. Just so that the kids can call her Nat and the factors that could trigger something can be reduced."

Coulson knew when he'd lost a fight. "I will inform Fury to prepare everything. The coordinates of the facility will be send to your jet. Just… Please consider what Natasha would wish for herself and not what you would like to see happen. It is her life, her _mind_ that is at stake. Not yours."

"I can't believe you're backing this stupid plan, Phil," Clint chimed in, his voice dripping venom but his eyes looked tired. "Why can't you give her peace? Why do you force her to continue fighting? God knows she fought enough."

"She did," Steve allowed. "She fought all her live. Doesn't she deserve a chance at a normal life?"

"You'd have to keep away from her. You know that, right? You could trigger some memories that could jumble the whole web of lies you're planning to build."

"I won't see her again either way. I just want to know that she's alive and happy."

Clint sighed wearily. "I really hope you know what you're doing."

"Yeah. Me too."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? Drop me a line or two if you have the time for it ;)**


	46. Illusion (045)

**A/N Alright, guys, I'm somewhat early but that's due to me wanting to spend the weekend with my bachelor thesis, so I'm giving you the next one earlier rather than later. This would be the direct continuation to last week's chapter and I'm curious what you think of it.**

Invader Johnny: Yeah, that's the question, isn't it? The cost of this life Steve wanted for her.

Rahaf: Thank you very much. This is in fact the continuation to "Sacrifice". Since this collection is supposed to include 120 oneshots, there is still a long way to go to finish it. And it's much easier to throw out only loosely connected oneshots than a real ongoing story. I often lose motivation with the last one and that kinda sucks, to be honest. So aside from some more tightly connected oneshots or "mini-stories" like the one now, no there won't be an ongoing story for now, I'm sorry.

Ella1989: Thank you very much, here is your requested part 2 ;)

Maria.Z.A: Thank you a lot. I haven't read the comics either, Project TAHITI is something I borrowed from Marvel's Agents of SHIELD, though I allowed myself some liberties so it's not exactly like in the show.

WidowInBlack: Thank you for your review and don't worry yourself if there's a oneshot you don't like after even ten read throughs, then that's completely okay. I don't expect my readers to like everything I'm writing ;) Still I'm happy you did like how everything was portrayed, so that's definitely a win. And yes, there's gonna be a continuation of the conflict between the two guys. Between the two of us, I'm absolutely with Clint.  
So don't worry, I didn't find it harsh at all and I'm glad you want to see how this plays out although it's not completely your kind of beer (cake? tea? whatever).

* * *

Title: Illusion (#45)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Clint

Word count: ~2558

* * *

„Alright kids, pack up and get home safe. I'll see you on Thursday for another rehearsal. Please try and not hurt yourselves, alright? I'd like to have all of you on stage for the premiere," Natasha, wearing her red hair in a tight bun, said with a smile and held the door open for the girls to pour out.

One of them stayed behind, deliberately stalling for time. Only when all other girls were gone, she approached Natasha with sad eyes and a brave face. "I won't be able to come on Thursday, Miss Barton. Or to the premiere. My mom said we can't afford it anymore." By the end the girl seemed close to tears.

Natasha hunkered down in front of her and smiled reassuringly. "Alright, Maddy, how about that: I'll call your mom later today and see what I can do, okay? Can't afford to lose my Princess Zelda, now can I?"

"Thank you, Miss Barton." Maddy threw her arms around the teacher before she left the dancing room with a happier expression.

Natasha watched her go with a little sigh, then turned to look around the corner. "This is the third time I see you here and you never picked up a girl. And I know the parents of all of my girls; you're not one of them. So what are you doing here?" She'd seen the blond man a few times now and she really didn't know what he wanted from her. Natasha was sure she didn't know him but at the same time he seemed eerily familiar. As if she'd known him from a half-forgotten dream.

He blushed immediately. "I'm sorry, I… I'm looking for a class for my daughter. She wants to learn ballet and a friend told me about your course. I thought I'd watch one or two lessons to form an opinion."

"And what is your opinion?" Natasha crossed her arms and leant against the doorframe, a slightly flirtatious smile playing on her lips.

"You're great with the kids. They love and trust you," the man answered in earnest and with a smile as if she'd just proven something he'd already known.

Natasha shrugged. "Got some practice with my brother's kids. But somehow I can't shake the feeling you're lying to me and don't even have a daughter."

"Well, maybe that's because I don't have one," he answered, a blush creeping to his face and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Then what are you doing here? Shall I call the police?"

"No, no, no, no need to. I promise. I just… I saw you at the Red Lion some days ago and well… I'm a coward when it's about talking to women. And you turned down about every guy that tried to talk to you; that wasn't exactly comforting. So I asked the bartender since you talked with him a lot and he told me where I could find you. I really just wanted to ask you whether you… you know… might want to grab a coffee or something?"

Natasha seized him up for a long moment, her face giving nothing away. "You're afraid of dogs?" she asked finally. "Bigger ones?"

Steve was taken aback by this sudden change in topic and took two second to sort his thoughts. "Um, no. Not particular. As long as they're friendly."

"I guess that Captain will decide when he sees you." She gave him the one shouldered shrug he was so familiar with.

"Captain?" Steve asked for clarification, an amused smile tugging on his lips.

Natasha shrugged again. "There are worse names for dogs. So what is it, you're coming along for a walk?"

"Sure, why not?" Steve reached for a peg on the wall to take her jacket off of it and hold it out towards her.

Natasha pulled the needles out of her hair, shook it briskly out and then pulled it back in a loose ponytail. "Alright then." She took the jacket from Steve and looked at him with her head cocked. "What's your name again?"

"Steve," he answered with only a pang of guilt.

A curious look crossed her features for the blink of an eye, then it was gone just as quick. "Nice to meet you, Steve." She motioned for him to follow and led him to another door down the hallway which she opened. "Thanks for watching him, Susan," she said before greeting a blonde Labrador. "Hey buddy, let's get home." She fastened a leash on his collar and tugged gently on it to show him he was allowed to leave the office now. "See you tomorrow, Susan." Natasha closed the door again and turned back to Steve. "Steve, meet Captain. Cap, that's Steve; he'll come along for a walk."

Again Steve smiled at the mention of the dog's name. He hunkered down and outstretched his hand for Captain to sniff at it before he made an attempt at petting him. Captain wagged his tail slowly and allowed Steve to touch him, although he did seem careful. "Hey bud, nice to meet you." When he stood up, Steve looked at Natasha. "How did he get his name?"

Natasha shrugged, leading the way to the front door. "I found him on Memorial Day. Lieutenant is quite a mouthful and General somewhat pompous, so I settled for Captain. I don't know what he was named before me but he answers to Captain, so… My niece and nephews love him and I think, Laura was just glad I took him with me. Not that she doesn't like dogs but her husband is quite a handful himself." A fond smile played her lips when she talked about her family; a smile that had Steve smiling too. "To be honest, it's nice having someone around at home. He's the best roommate I could wish for."

"I understand what you mean. An empty flat can be intimidating."

"Yeah." She threw him a look but continued on her path to the park. "A guy like you all alone? Really?"

"I could ask you the same," Steve answered with a shrug, burying his hands in his pockets while the heat crept up his neck. "A lady like you with just a dog to keep her company? A fine dog, though." Part of him wished her to be happy but a more selfish part of him hoped there wasn't a new man in her life.

"I don't know what's it to you but… I just haven't found the right one. The one worth the work, you know? Still, I don't believe you're single. Are your standards too high to find a girlfriend?"

"I had one," he answered quietly. "I don't think I'd ever deserved her but for some reason she chose me. And never have I been happier."

Natasha, who'd caught on to his tone, looked at him, her face clearly showing the empathy for him. "What happened? If you don't mind me asking."

"She died," Steve said with a lump in his throat.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Steve. Honestly. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's alright, it… it happened some time ago. Still miss her, though. I wanted to ask her whether she would marry me but… Well, I waited too long. Again."

"Still, I'm sorry. But I could introduce you to some nice girls if you want. No pressure, though." Reaching the dog park, Natasha let Captain sit down and then released him, which he took as his cue to run off and roll in the grass.

Steve smiled wistfully at her offer. "Maybe one day. You always wanted to teach ballet?" Steve didn't know exactly which memories had been implanted in her brain. After he had seen Natasha lying there, hearing her _beg_ him to finally kill her to end her pain, he hadn't been able to bear the sight anymore.

"No." Natasha shook her head laughing. "I always danced, though. After my parents died I became a cop to try and do something meaningful. Clint, my brother's one, too. But I got shot one too many times and was deemed not suitable to get back. I didn't want to waste away my time behind a desk so I quit and started giving classes. Most important thing is the girls have fun."

"One of them seemed to be worried about not being able to continue."

"Maddy," Natasha sighed. "Her mom is a single mom with two jobs and three kids. I'll call her later and make sure Maddy can continue. I don't think my parents would disapprove of putting their money to good use."

"Your parents?" Steve asked. So that was the explanation for all the money she'd made during SHIELD and her Red Room days.

Natasha nodded. "They died when my brother and I were kids. Let's just say I'm not teaching ballet because of the money."

"I'm sorry. About your parents."

"It's fine, really. I barely remember them. There are no pictures because our house burned down. Clint and I survived because he'd taken me to the movies. He was old enough back then to take over right of custody of me. I don't know what would've happened if he hadn't done it. He's all I have left." Natasha shrugged, her eyes following Captain to make sure he wouldn't do something stupid or inappropriate.

"That's… sad," Steve said with a slight frown. Couldn't they have chosen nicer memories?

"It's not," Natasha disagreed immediately. "I remember moving often because of my dad. Military. Clint settled down somewhere in the middle of nowhere and that's where I'm home, you know? His wife is my best friend and to his kids I've always been Auntie Nat, since they could talk. It's not much family I have left but I couldn't do any better."

"What about friends?"

"What? Concerned I'm a loner because I don't have a guy waiting at home?" Natasha asked with a playful smirk. "I'm not. I have friends. A few. I've never been good at making friends and I choose them carefully. And when you're having a dog, you meet a lot of people. But enough of me; what brings you here? I've never seen you before the night in the bar."

"So you did see me," Steve huffed. He should have known it. "I'm here for vacation. Taking some time off." For quite a time he'd been adamant in his decision to stay back but his resolve had crumbled day after day. Finally, he'd decided to just see her, to check on her how she was doing. Though it had taken him some time to find her; Clint had her tucked away too good and of course he couldn't have expected any help from the archer. Neither could he have asked Tony or Bruce or any of the other guys; that hadn't helped especially.

"So you're leaving again? Pity."

"Pity?"

"Well, Cap seems to like you well enough," Natasha answered with a shrug so indifferent she'd probably had him fooled hadn't he known her that well.

"I'm not leaving just tomorrow," Steve said with a smile.

"Good."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Back off." Clint's voice came dangerously low over the phone.

"What do you mean?" Steve had learned to be a better liar over the years but he still was no match to an assassin and spy. Being only in his boxers in Natasha bathroom didn't exactly make things easier.

Clint scoffed, the anger in his voice only barely veiled. "You promised to keep your fucking distance, so keep it. You know what happened? Nat called me some days ago, telling me she met a blonde guy named Steve. Now imagine my surprise. I wouldn't care if you popping up wouldn't affect her. But it does. She called me again. You know why? Because she had a nightmare. A nightmare bad enough that she'd called me, bad enough she couldn't deal with it on her own."

"Everyone has a nightmare every once in a while. You know that as well as I do," Steve interjected, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake Natasha while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It was the first time after her death she had a nightmare that bad she needed to call me." Clint took a deep breath. "Look, I know you mean good but you're not good for her Not anymore. Nat dreamt about me being killed by a giant guy. She dreamt about a red and golden robot falling from a hole in the sky. She dreamt about a giant robot letting a city fly. And about a man in an old-fashioned uniform almost drowning in the Potomac River. And now guess who's causing those memories, those flashbacks?"

"Clint-" Steve started by his words were cut immediately.

"Don't you dare _Clint_ me," the other man nearly growled. "I only went with your fucking plan because you _promised_ to keep away from her to avoid triggering those memories. She was happy those last months, more untroubled than I've ever seen her. She was family even before you made her my official sister; even before you became an important person in her life. So trust me when I tell you that you will regret it if you keep invading her space. Back the fuck off!"

"I missed her," Steve confessed, leaning his forehead against the cool mirror. "I _needed_ to see her."

"You could have done what the others guys did. Follow her on Instagram. Ask me for updates. But Nat needs you to stay away," Clint answered with a sigh. "Look, I get it. I do, really. But that's not about you. And you were the one to suggest to keep her memories concerning me intact, not those with you in them. I ask you as her friend, her brother and the guy who's only concerned for her well-being: please get away from there."

"What am I supposed to tell her?"

"That you have to get back to work. Both Coulson and Fury are asking where you are; they wanted to discuss something with you. You are needed at the compound like immediately." Clint's voice finally grew somewhat softer. "You said it was enough to know she's happy. She is, trust me. She has a live now, a normal live. You wanted that for her, didn't you?"

"Yes," Steve admitted quietly. "See you at the compound."

"See you there." Clint's last words before he hung up were almost sympathetic.

Steve let his hand sink down and took a moment before he opened the bathroom door. Natasha was still asleep, burrowed deep in the blankets. A fond smile played on his lips as he tried to burn the sight into his memory. Clint was right; Steve hadn't doubted that for a moment he just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. As quietly as possible, Steve put his clothes back on and crept towards the entrance door of her apartment. Captain tiredly lifted his head when he passed the dog and Steve couldn't resist petting him one last time. "Take good care of her, will you? Goodbye, buddy." He opened the door and threw one last look back. Then he closed the door silently behind him.

In her bedroom, Natasha gave up every pretence of sleep and fought against the lump in her throat. Then she turned around, pressing the pillow Steve had been lying on close to her chest.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Nooo, I won't leave you hanging like that. There is a third part to it but I leave it up to you if you want to see it or not. Little teasing: it will include Barton family feels and Tony being quite the softy ;)**


	47. Edge (081)

**A/N Welcome to the final instalment of this mini-series. It was quite a fun thing to write a mini-story within a short-story collection (I hope no one feels betrayed I traded three oneshots in for it). I really hope you like the end of it. Oh, and yay! Not only did we reach the 100.000 word mark last chapter (thanks for reminding me, WidowInBlack!) but you guys broke every record: not only had it the most clicks or visitors ever in the first few days but it's also the chapter with the most reviews. So, thank you, thank you, thank you!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Yeah, well, he had it kinda coming. But yes, it's not an easy situation for him.

Scaramou: Here you are!

Maria.Z.A: One should think that Captain America of all guys knows how to keep a promise, right? Well, here's the thrid part, so enjoy!

Invader Johnny: No, she isn't. Sad, right?

Ella1989: Well, that's a coincidence! Thank you very much. In my imagination she didn't hear too much and what she does remember you can read today, so I hope you like it.

AeslinnArt: Welcome back! I do remember your avatar but you changed your name, didn't you? You read all of them on one day? That's impressive. There will probably come more about her past though I'm not sure about the when and what. Latin is mostly learning by heart and I should probably study some more than I'm doing now but there's still around 8 months left until the exam. But concerning Steve and Nat coming back together after all... I don't know if you should get your hopes up for this peculiar mini-series. Just sayin'.

WidowInBlack: Thank you very much! I especially like protective Clint to be honest... I bet in every other situation he would enjoy playing the big brother concerning Nat's relationships. As for their past missions, I _think_ I'll tackle those soon after I've finished my thesis. Especially their first mission ever together I wanted to write for some time. Thanks, I really hope I just pass...

* * *

Title: Edge (#81)

Characters: Natasha, Barton family, Tony, Steve, mentioning of other Avengers

Word count: ~3858

* * *

Natasha opened the door of her car to let Captain jump out so he could run towards the porch while she picked her bag from the trunk. When she turned around, Lila and Nathaniel were already playing with Captain while Cooper came towards her; he was tall enough she almost had to look up to him. "Won't you ever stop growing?" she chided with a smile and pulled him into an embrace.

Cooper smirked a smirk he had to have learned from his father. "Mum says as much. Nice to see you again, Aunt Nat. Dad's not back yet but I'm supposed to tell you he bought your favourite vodka."

"Your old man knows me." Natasha shrugged and gave up her bag when Cooper offered to bring it to her room so she could greet his siblings. Out of the corner of her eye Natasha saw Laura standing on the porch, waiting until she'd made her rounds.

Lila was next to notice her and come running towards her. Natasha couldn't believe how much the girl had grown over the years and slowly started to resemble a young woman instead of a girl with piggy tails. Lila slung her arms around Natasha and she returned the hug fiercely. "Daddy told us what happened. I'm sorry, Auntie Nat."

"Yeah, me too," she offered and gave Lila a one shouldered shrug. "But I still have Cap, so I don't need a man."

"You don't?" Nathaniel's voice sounded almost scared, as if he feared Natasha would just turn around and leave again.

With a groan she lifted the primary-schooler. "You I will always need in my life, Nate."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Love you to the moon."

"And back", Nathaniel replied in earnest.

She kissed his cheek and set him on his own two feet again before she finally steered towards Laura.

Her sister-in-law immediately pulled her close and wrapped her into a tight hug. "You can stay as long as you want," Laura promised and looked at her closely. "Clint's still out and about but he promised to be back until dinner. Can I do you something good? You wanna talk about it? Without noisy kids lurking in the doorway?"

"I'm good, Laura. Really. Just being with you guys already helps."

"I figured you'd say that but still I told Clint to bring back our talk-wine." She winked at Natasha and laid an arm around her shoulders to lead her inside. Cap sniffed on some tuft of grass, sneezed and then bolted to follow them inside least he got forgotten. "And for Cap I got some delicious snacks. At least they're stinking like hell, so I guess he'll love them."

"Great, and I'll have a farting dog for all the way back on the backseat. Thanks, Laura." Natasha rolled her eyes good-naturedly and allowed Laura to wrangle her onto a seat at the kitchen table and put a coffee mug into her hands.

"You'll live, Nat," Laura answered and finally sat down at the table.

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about the life at the farm. Natasha helped Cooper with some science project for school, taught Lila some new ballet moves and let read Nate to her from one of his learner-books. She was curled with him on the sofa when Clint opened the front door and the book was immediately forgotten when Nathaniel noticed his dad returning. With a fond smile Natasha picked up the book which had fallen down when Nate had jumped up and placed it on the coffee table.

"Hey Nat," Clint greeted her with an one-armed hug, his other arm busy holding Nathaniel close. His gaze wandered up and down her frame swiftly as if he expected her to look somewhat different. "You came here good? No traffic?"

"Not more than expected," Natasha answered with a shrug. "I planned on staying maybe two weeks, if that's okay. The performance was last week and Susan will take over my classes while I'm away, so I really got nowhere to be right now."

"You're welcome as long as you want to stay, Nat. Your room's always ready for you and I guess we'd manage feeding you, too." Clint winked at her. Then he turned towards his children. "And after dinner it's adult time. Yes, Cooper, you too. You can have Aunt Nat all day tomorrow, but tonight your mum and I want to spend some time with her. Talk about boring stuff like filing a tax return."

"What's that?" Nathaniel asked with the cutest frown over his nose.

"That's something you have to do if you want to get money back you paid too much last year," Clint explained dutifully. "But sometimes you have to pay even more instead of getting some back."

Nathaniel now even wrinkled his nose. "Then why do it? Adults are silly."

"Oh yes, boy, we are," Clint admitted with a laugh, kissed his cheek and set him down. "Why don't you help your mom and siblings making everything ready for dinner?" He then turned to Natasha but before he could even open his mouth, she already held up her hands.

"Please, don't ask whether I want to talk about it. Laura already asked and I turned her down. Later, okay? When the kids are settled down and everything. By the way, it wasn't the first time something didn't work out between a guy and me." Natasha shrugged, gifting him with an honest, small smile. "There are worse things than not being married."

"Alright. And I know. We're just all worried about you, is all. Family, remember?"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know I won't get rid of you anytime soon. And I don't even want to. It's good to be home again. Ever thought we'd say that? Home? It's not like we'd spent that much time at one place as kids."

Confusion flitted for the fraction of a second through his eyes but being a spy for the better part of his life made him fall into the role easily. "Yeah, who'd have known with all the moving we did, right? Maybe that's why I love this farm so much. Been home for some time now. Lila's been asking for a pony again." He rolled his eyes in real but affectionate exasperation.

"You'd have the room here and the barn isn't used but for all that junk you're collecting."

"That's no junk! Alright, some of the pieces could use some polishing, but… That's not even the point here. Say Lila gets her pony, which she's not, then who do you think has to take care for it once she goes to college? And a horse is hard work, not to talk about the money it costs. And one horse alone would feel lonely, so we'd needed a second one. Double work."

"Hey, I'm not your wife," Natasha interjected with a laugh. "I won't say buy her one or not. I'm just saying, you'll have room enough. And she's what, fourteen? Still enough time until she goes to college. And she'd learn responsibility, taking care of an animal. Sure, she can't do it all alone, but I think it would be wrong to expect that from her."

"Told you Auntie Nat would say that," Lila chimed in with a big smile and placed the plates down on the table. "Please, Dad? I'm taking lessons for, like, forever. I know how much work it is."

"We're not discussing that now," Clint huffed, mockingly offended that the women seemed to band together. "That's not a decision I want to make easily."

"Fine," Lila rolled her eyes and returned to the kitchen to help bring the rest of the dishes out.

Natasha enjoyed having dinner with her family, listening in on the conversations and the banter. Like she'd said before, she felt at home here. She loved the farmhouse with its creaking floors, with the too loud plumping and with the windows, that seemed to get stuck on a regular basis, no matter how often Clint oiled them. And of course the people within it. It made her almost forget the dreams she now seemed to have constantly; maybe they would lessen while she was here. When she returned again from the depths of her thoughts, she found Clint looking at her worried. With a smile she tried to ease his mind, knowing he would ask her later about it. She couldn't hide anything from him, never could, and maybe she didn't even want to. Pictures of him drunk on sleep arose in front of her inner eye, his hair a mess but still awake enough to pull her close and ease the terrors of her life before SHIELD away. Natasha frowned. SHIELD? Life before? Was she now going crazy?

"Alright, guys, time for bed. Cooper, Lila, you can read a few pages if you want, you're old enough to know you've got school tomorrow. No such exceptions for you, baby boy," Laura said almost apologetic to Nathaniel. "Come on, let's get your teeth brushed. Daddy and Auntie Nat can clear the table." She threw Clint a concerned look, then led the kids upstairs after they had said their goodnights.

"You seemed gone there for a moment," Clint said softly while stacking the empty plates. "Something you'd want to tell me?"

Natasha didn't answer for a long time but Clint was used to that. She had been like that before her death, after all. Then, finally: "Sometimes I don't know whether I can trust myself." She stroked Cap's fur absentmindedly when she passed him on her way to the kitchen.

"What do you mean? Is it those nightmares?"

"Yes and no," she said hesitatingly. "Some of those dreams just seem so real, you know? Realer than other nightmares. I dreamt I was I child killing other children. And sometimes I think things which I didn't know. Like, does the word SHIELD ring a bell? Not as in the shield of a medieval knight but as a name of… I don't know. An organization? It's like I worked for those but how can that be when I know for sure I never heard the name before?" Frustrated, she threw her dishtowel on the counter and leaned heavily against it. Then, so quietly that Clint was glad for his hearing aids, she continued. "That guy, Steve… I felt like I knew him. He seemed so _familiar_ and I can't think of when I could have met him before. I know he's not from my time with the police and I sure as hell haven't detained him. But his eyes… And when he touched me, it was like my body remembered something I had forgotten but that's… that's stupid, right?" She looked up at him again and it just _broke_ Clint's heart.

"Come here," he said, offering the only comfort he knew he could and held her close when she stepped in his embrace.

"What if there's something seriously wrong with me?" Natasha asked, her voice muffled by his shoulder and Clint could hear the tears in her voice her eyes refused to shed.

"There's nothing wrong with you," he stated firmly, his voice not wavering once. "You went through a lot, Natasha. Maybe that's just your body and mind coping with things you haven't worked through in time. But I promise you, there's nothing wrong with you. There couldn't ever."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you. I'm not saying I know all about you but I know you better than everybody else. Maybe better than you yourself do." He kissed the crown of her head; she seemed even smaller than usual and not for the first time Clint asked himself whether he had made the right decision to let her be subjected to Project TAHITI. "And no matter what, we'll work this through. As family." Natasha was silent for a while longer while she tried to get her breathing back under control. It was so familiar that for a moment Clint could believe she hadn't died.

"Sometimes I remember being operated," Natasha stated quietly, still refusing to look at him. "I know I was scared, I was in pain. It's like they… worked on my brain or something. But I don't remember getting shot there and I sure as hell wouldn't have been awake for that. That's one of the dreams that feels too real. There was a bald man with an eyepatch who looked at me like he regretted something. Big time. There was a doctor, always fumbling with his glasses. I think he didn't want to be there. A dark-haired man with a goatee, yelling at a blond man. Something about letting go and hurting someone." Natasha gulped. "I also remember begging the blond man for being killed. For feeling betrayed. Why would I do that, Clint?"

Clint tightened his embrace on her, tears stinging in his eyes. In that moment, he wanted to tell her so badly it hurt, but he didn't know what damage his words might cause. "Maybe your brain twisted your memories of getting shot into something extreme because of the pain and anxiety you were feeling. I really don't know, Natasha."

"Yeah. Me neither." She looked up and gave him a one-shouldered shrug. "Maybe it's just the insanity breaking through you're already dealing with."

Clint huffed. "Yeah, alright. I let it slide because you're upset."

Natasha tightened her hug once before letting him go. "Thanks for being there for me, Clint. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Dealing with your problems by draining Russia of its vodka, I assume. Since I'm here, we can do this together."

Her eyes lit up again a little at the challenge. "Deal."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"I don't know what to do anymore, Phil," Clint said quietly and ran a hand through his already unruly hair. "She remembers more and more and thinks she's going insane. I can't blame her, to be honest."

"How much does she remember, Clint?" Coulson sounded as tired and defeated as he felt.

Clint shrugged although his old handler couldn't see it. "A fucking lot. Even her time in the facility when they worked on her brain. Tony and Steve fighting, Bruce and Fury being there… I want to help her, Phil, I really do. I just don't know what's the right thing to do."

"Tell her."

The advice left a few seconds of silence behind. "What?" Clint finally managed.

"Tell her what happened and help her sort out the real memories from the fabricated ones. Start with Tahiti. Get help from the others if you need to. There is no reason to keep this façade upright when she remembers that much. I almost expected as much with her brain being subdued to so many alterations already."

"She's going to hate me. For lying to her. For letting him bring her back."

"Yes, probably. But you once you got it across you two have always been family if not by blood she'll trust you to help her. There is no other way if you want to end her suffering."

"I hope you're right, Phil," Clint said wearingly, leaning his forehead against the wall of his bedroom.

"Me too. Let me know when you need my help, alright? Melinda knows about it so she'd run the business while I would be gone."

"So you're on first names now, huh?" Clint would never pass up on a chance of teasing his old boss.

"That's not your primary concern now," Coulson answered but appreciated the attempt of humour. "You'll be alright, Clint. Call me if there's anything I can do."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha walked with Cap through the facility while taking in every little detail. It had taken some time for her to accept what Clint had been telling her. That she had been a Russian spy and assassin, brought up in the Red Room, killing other girls to survive and become the best. That he had been sent to kill her but brought her to SHIELD instead. That she was a part of the Avengers. That she had helped bring down SHIELD to get rid of HYDRA. That she had fought in the Civil War; first on Tony's side, then Steve's. That she and Steve had been a thing. An honest one, if Clint was to be believed. That she had fought against a giant purple alien to save the world and got herself killed while saving Clint. That Steve had been persistent in bringing her back. That the memories she had of a live with Clint as her brother, of her parents, of working for the police had all been fake. Now she was back, meeting with old friends – if they were still alive – to sort through the rest of her memories.

"Red!" The man she now knew again as Tony Stark short of ran towards her and wrapped her in a short but fierce embrace, pointedly ignoring Cap who growled slightly. "Good to have you back. Featherhead told us what's going on and I searched through all the internet to find videos of you. Most are from the Chitauri invasion or Sokovia or the Civil War since you've never been that much of a people person, but it's a start."

Natasha took a second to get over her surprise before returning the hug and then freeing herself again, telling Cap through touches that Tony was not a threat. "Thought we two weren't that big buddies after I crossed you?"

Tony shrugged and grinned at her. "We have this banter going on to not let people know we actually care for each other. By the way, you crossing me is way too long ago to still matter."

"But it does matter I originally didn't put you on the list for the Avengers Initiative." A smirk played her lips; that was one of the things she was sure of.

"Oh, my poor heart." Tony clasped his chest dramatically then winked at her. "Oh, almost forgot. I made those new Widow's Bites for you. Even _more_ badass than before so that the next guy coming at you-"

"I don't think I will need them."

"What?" Tony was honestly flabbergasted.

Natasha shrugged almost apologetically. "I won't return to the fight. At least not in the near future. I have a dog now to look out for. Besides… I just can't trust _him_ to have my back just yet."

"That pissed, huh?"

"You have no idea."

"Well, I'm just glad you're not pissed at _me_ ," Tony admitted with a scared gulp. "Still remember that one time where I tried to prank you and… let's not talk about that right now, okay? My blood pressure is high enough already. So that means you won't return?"

"Not to the field, at least. If it's some use I would help training the rookies. That's about all I can offer for now, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. That's better than you just turning around and leaving for good. I'm really glad to see you again, Natasha."

A small smile played her lips. "Me too. See you later? I have kinda a mission."

"Sure. Pepper will be thrilled to welcome you back. I'll order some Asian stuff in, what about that? And no, I won't forget your sushi."

"Sounds great."

"Want me to take care of your furry buddy? Or rather want me to bring him to Pepper so she can spoil him a little bit? She's more of an animal person than I am."

"Guess that would be better. Thanks, Tony." She gave him the leash and turned to leave.

"Hey!" Tony called her back, holding the leash on his outstretched arm so as to not get any dog hairs on his suit. "What's his name?"

"Captain", Natasha answered, daring him to comment on the dog's name. Tony was smart enough to do no such thing. With that Natasha continued her way to the gym, greeting familiar faces left and right. She endured a bear hug from Thor that lifted her of her feet. She fist-bumped first Sam, then Bucky. She visited Bruce in his lab and nearly caused a Code Green; obviously nobody had told him – or he hadn't been listening while working – that she would be coming today. She let Peter talk to her about the college he was visiting. She met Scott and his daughter Cassie, who was around Lila's age and seemingly a huge fan of Black Widow. And then, finally, she stepped through the gym doors.

Steve, who had been punching a bag, held it still and looked at her as if she was some sort of ghost. "Nat…"

Natasha shook her head when he started moving towards her. "I know what you did. All of it. Do you even know what it's like in my brain right now? The jumble you created? Just because you couldn't deal with my death?"

"Natasha, I-"

"No, Rogers. I'm back. You happy? That's what you wanted, right? To see me. Well, thank you for not keeping your promise because I spent over a month asking myself whether I was going crazy because of the dreams and memories I couldn't place. Was that worth it?"

"Natasha, I'm sorry. Please, let me explain." Steve made another step towards her, his hands raised. "I missed you. You were, you _are_ my life. I didn't know what to do without you. I couldn't lose you. And I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life."

But every step he took, Natasha backed up. "I'm sorry to tell you, but you did. Lose me, I mean. This all, this was never about me. About what I wanted. Dying saving my brother, what's a better way to go? No, Rogers. This was never about my life."

Realization dawned in his eyes. "You're leaving again? To where? When?"

"I'm not leaving but don't you dare think I'm staying for you. I'm staying for the people I call family, to help _them_. You on the other hand…" In the blink of an eye Natasha pounced at him and his stupor allowed her to twist him to the ground painfully. Hovering over him, Natasha continued: "Don't you dare assume we could pick up where we left it. Don't you dare assume I still call you family. Or even a friend. As long as it's not work related, you and I are done. And I don't know if I can ever trust you again to make a choice for me. I'd never thought you to be the one to betray me." With that Natasha got up again and left the gym. Her hands were shaking and she hat to put every effort into keeping her composition. She had been the Black Widow, after all. She could do emotionless when she needed to. There would be a time and place at the farm to break. But for now she had to keep it together; Tony would have Pepper collected by now and Cap was probably testing his limits; it would drive Tony crazy. Time to safe her friend and meet another one she hadn't seen in too long.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I know, it's not exactly a happy ending but it didn't seem right to bring them back together as if nothing had happened. I hope you're okay with that and if not, leave me a message ;) The next one will be another "real" oneshot but I'd like to know your opinion on this kind of mini-story. Would you like some more of those or rather have the loosely connected oneshots like before? What I can promise is that I won't start a real ongoing story while this collection is still going; I just wouldn't manage and I would hate to leave you guys hanging. So let me know what you think and as always, if there's something missing you would want to read, just drop me line and I'll see what I can do.**


	48. Djinn (062)

**A/N While I was too early last weekend, this time I'm nearly too late. Last week of writig my Bachelor thesis is starting so the next chapter will definitely be late simply because there's the possibility of me forgetting to update. Please bear with me, alright guys? Two things to the mini-story and especialy last week's chapter: firstly, I'm kinda not sorry about how I ended it. It was the only solution that seemed naturally to me and yeah, well... there's not just happy endings though I do like those two. Still, there might be other oneshots which are not too happy. Secondly, I'm glad you're not against the mini-stories per se. I don't know when and where I'll do it again, but they're definitely a possibility. Let me know if there's something you're still missing in this collection.**

DarylDixon'sLover: What exactly? Me writing this ending or how Nat reacted? Probably neither of us is sorry, to be honest, but then again life isn't always fair, is it? But you don't have to like everything I write ;)

Invader Johnny: Yeah, sooner or later she's back. And if it's just to make sure her boys get home safe.

AeslinnArt: Thank you very much. Yeah, I love Nat in that whole Barton family dynamic. And this one isn't exactly a happy one but it isn't a sad one either. It just... is.

Sportsfan64: I'll take that as a good wow if that's okay with you ;)

Maria.Z.A: Thank you very much! I try to depict the characters as in character as possible. And yes, I also liked soft Tony... one kinda needs that every now and then. It's totally okay to like the oeshots better! Just hoping you're reading the next mini-story nevertheless should there be one ;)

Rahaf: Thank you. More dark stories, huh? I see what I can do since too much fluff is sometimes like too much chocolate: I love it but yes, there is a too much. If there's something specific you'd like to read, just pm me, alright?

WidowInBlack: Thank you a lot. It's nice you'd read every story I'd write, thank you very much for that. To be honest, Nat isn't a character that has to be in a relationship to work but without Clint? The guy that practically saved her back then? I think there's nothing worse that could happen to her. I might like to lead those characters through some darker times and situations but I'm not sadistic. I think there has to happen quite a lot until Nat cuts her bonds with Clint. As I said, still don't know when or where the next mini-story will happen, but ifyou have any input, let me know ;)

* * *

Title: Djinn (#62)

Characters: Natasha, Fury

Word count: ~ 1003

* * *

Without intending to, over time Fury became something like Natasha's djinn – just without the lamp. And according to the rules, Natasha has ever used three wishes, not regretting a single one of them.

Her first wish had been that he'd believe her and take her into SHIELD after Barton had her brought with him from his mission to kill her. Not that she wanted to join SHIELD per se; at that time, she couldn't have cared less for which agency she worked. No, she just wanted to get the bullseye off of her back that the KGB had put there. The Damocles sword of having to return to the Red Room, of having to be re-educated. Of losing every chance of being free and working on erasing the red in her ledger. Of losing herself completely for this time. No return. Fury had been her only chance. If he _hadn't_ allowed her to join SHIELD, she would have died. Natasha knew that. They would have been stupid _not_ to kill her otherwise. But Fury had followed Clint's call – something she would have never dared to hope – and hadn't killed her once she had set foot inside. Yes, the first weeks and even months had been anything but easy but Natasha had never given much thought to what people might think of her. She wasn't about to make friends and it had almost been fun to push the other agents to the mats again and again. Aside from that, changing your life wasn't _meant_ to be easy. If it had been easy there would have been a catch somewhere. But it hadn't been and there wasn't such a catch. She had worked for her place within SHIELD though Fury granting her the first wish had certainly helped.

Her second wish hadn't been nearly as easy to grant. Natasha still remembered vividly the day she thought Fury had died in surgery right in front of her own eyes, killed by a man who had nearly killed her years ago. By a man who had been nothing more than a ghost story at that point. Dead because he had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Because Steve's flat hadn't been secure enough safe for one single agent playing his friendly neighbour. Natasha had wished for Fury being alive again, for coming back from the dead. For not leaving her, too. First, she had lost Coulson, the man she had trusted with her live on more missions than she cared to count. A man she had trusted to have her back when she jumped into a room full of enemies, knowing she wouldn't have to explain herself to him afterwards and that he would deal with Fury and the Council because of it. A man who had become family after everything he, Natasha and Clint had been through. Clint being the second she'd lost. Not in a sense of him being killed but he chose to spend more time with his family, shortening his time at SHIELD and even at the Avengers Tower. Knowing how much Laura constantly worried for her husband, Natasha was the last one to not understand and accept his choice, but she still missed her partner in the field, especially after Phil's death. There could have been a worse replacement than Steve but he simply wasn't Clint. He didn't have Clint's witty sarcasm or was as relaxed around her being flirty. He didn't spend his observation missions humming songs she had never heard before and he didn't made cleaning their weapons into a competition to avoid paperwork. He called her _Ma'am_ , for God's sake. The first time he'd done that she'd nearly punched him. So when Fury had died, her world had collapsed. She had wished for nothing more than Fury coming back, since his presence alone let her face Hydra with much more calmness. And that wish he had granted her too, though the wish in itself had been an act of despair much more than anything else.

By the time the whole disaster with the Sokovia Accords had led to the Civil War of the Avengers at the airport, Natasha had given up hope of getting all team members around one table again. She missed silly team-bonding nights and throwing popcorn at the guys every time a girly scene was on screen. She missed her different sparring partners. Steve's righteousness. Sam's jokes and half-honest tries to get her to have a date with him. Girl's night out with Wanda. And of course Clint, her brother. There had been happening too much to just pick it up where they left off. And then, when she had crossed Tony to help Bucky and Steve escape… It had been the last nail to the coffin of their friendship. So, naturally, she had made a wish. This time she even voiced it, when Fury tracked her down somewhere in the Welsh wilderness. For the first time in a very long time, she had asked for his help. Asked him whether he could help her bring the band back together. To get Tony and Steve at one table so they would finally _talk_. And he did. Natasha had no idea how he managed but Fury did. It took a long time, a considerable amount of effort and patience and more threats and insults in more languages she cared to count. It wasn't like before. In fact, Natasha believed it would never be like that again. But they started having team dinners again; either someone tried to cook or they would order in from the start. Neither Steve or Sam nor Wanda or Clint held her role in the Civil against her although they would have every reason to do so. Then again, there hadn't been a _right_ side in this war of theirs.

Fury had granted her all her wishes. Now, she had none left according to the rules. But then again, when had he or she ever played solely by the rules?

* * *

 **2\. A/N Rather short compared to the last chapters, isn't it? Still hope you enjoyed this calmer pacing and I'm sorry I almost forgot to give you your daily dose of Natasha Romanoff. I wish you a good start into the week and leave me a review if you like.**


	49. In the Storm (096)

**A/N Hello dear readers. I'm very sorry it took me so long to update; after handing in my bachelor thesis (fingers crossed!) I couldn't stand sitting at the computer even for five minutes (pulled a whole 36 hours writing marathon... don't do that. Really. Don't do that) and when I wanted to upload the new chapter yesterday, the site gave me some error. Received the same error today, but I hope I've found a way to work around it. So enjoy this week's instalment and have a great Sunday!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much :)

Maria.Z.A: Well, personal experience tells me there are different kinds of fathers but I'm sure Fury belongs to the category you described. And I'm glad you're sticking around until the very end ;)

AeslinnArt: Thank you a lot! You know, even if some chapters suggest otherwise, I do enjoy a nice happy ending if it fits the rest of the story. So of course the band has to come back together at the very end :)

Invader Johnny: I doubt she ever really thought inside the box, to be honest.

* * *

Title: In the Storm (#96)

Characters: Natasha, Clint, Coulson

Word count: ~2507

* * *

Natasha was in the gym busy hitting a dummy with batons. After she saw Bobbi Morse putting them to good use, she'd wanted to try it to, persuading the guys from tech to make her a pair with just the right weight and balance to feel like an extension of her arm. Clint leaned against the wall near the door, watching her with a smile while she let a flurry of hits rain down on the poor dummy. Though he'd never doubted her since he'd brought her in it was nice to see she gave none of the other agents any reason to doubt her. Some of them didn't need a reason but there were people like Morse and May who made sure Natasha didn't spend every lunch alone when he was out and about.

Finally she deemed him worthy her attention; Clint didn't believe even for a second that she hadn't noticed him entering. "What is it? Another test? Or am I late for your silly movie night, Barton?" A smirk played her lips. Then Natasha put the batons back in their little box to store them in the armoury adjacent to the gym.

Clint shook his head. "No test. Fury wants to talk with you. I'm supposed to bring you to him. And my movie night isn't silly, it's bonding."

"What about Coulson?" Natasha asked, completely ignoring him defending his movie nights. She was grateful he'd spared her life but that didn't mean they were supposed to become best buddies. He'd have to earn her trust, her _blind_ trust, first and Natasha supposed he didn't trust her entirely either.

"What? You don't want me to be the one to order you around?" Clint grinned and threw a towel at her. "Come one, better not let Fury be waiting. And if you stink like a wet dog, maybe he'll cut himself short for once."

"This about STRIKE Team Delta?" Natasha dried the sweat off her face and fell in step beside him.

Clint shrugged. "Since I'm wanted too, I guess so. Or they finally want to roast me for bringing you in and make you watch."

Natasha shook her head in earnest. "Fury doesn't seem the type of guy for that kind of punishment. And I thought your last assignments were meant to punish you."

"They were, trust me. I don't think Coulson would give me the most boring stuff for months otherwise. Stuff with more paperwork than hours in the field. Just in case we _are_ starting Delta, then you are in charge of paperwork. You're the younger agent. It's your job by default."

Natasha simply rolled her eyes and kept her pace to match his. She wondered whether Fury wanting to see her meant she'd finally be cleared for field work. Officially she wasn't supposed to know any details about Delta, but agents tend to gossip and Natasha was hardly to blame when they did so while she sat in hearing range. Delta was supposed to become SHIELDs special unit, send out to destroy threats and gain or regain intelligence. Plus, extraction plans were said to be an exception. Should they be caught, SHIELD would deny any relations. Somehow, that reminded Natasha strongly of the Red Room, but she also enjoyed a challenge. Her only worry was her working together with Barton. She simply didn't do teamwork, never learned how to. Besides, Barton was an unbelievable smartass; he'd drive her up the walls in no time and Natasha was sure that if she shot him, she'd get into some trouble. Even if her reason was justified…

"What're you thinking?" Barton asked with a raised eyebrow.

Natasha allowed herself a tiny smile. "Nothing in particular."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha stood with her bag ready at the quinjet that was supposed to bring Barton and her to their first assignment. Barton, of course, hadn't shown up yet which left both the pilot and Natasha quite impatient, only was the former used to it and the latter dissembled.

"Agent Romanoff."

Natasha turned to see Coulson approaching. She'd learned to respect that man, knowing that there was little more important to him than Barton. Aside from that, he was now officially her handler, supposed to stay in contact during their missions. Again, Natasha wasn't used to teamwork and surely not to having a voice in her ear that told her what to do. She looked at him expectantly, her face a blank sheet of paper.

"I am glad that Clint's trust in you seems justified," Coulson began. "If Director Fury wouldn't believe you honestly defected and weren't a danger for this organization, you wouldn't go on this mission. But take this as a warning: if your actions on this mission endanger Clint, I will personally request you to be brought to the Fridge. There won't be a second chance. Do you copy, Agent?"

"Yes," Natasha nodded curtly. She wasn't necessarily surprised by Coulson's words.

Coulson nodded, worry flickering over his face for a second. "I'm just asking you to keep his back as he'll keep yours."

"I understand, Sir."

"Good. And, Romanoff? Make sure both of you get back safe. Not the mission is first priority but the lives of the both of you. Contact me once you're in the safehouse." With that Coulson turned around and left the hangar, passing Clint who just entered with a nod and a friendly clasp on the shoulder. A small part of Natasha wanted that kind of trust and partnership, of friendship, but the bigger part of herself knew that it would be a long way before she was anything else than Barton's stray and former killer of SHIELD agents.

"Everything alright?" Barton asked and looked her over with a frown. "No need to be nervous, it's just a small mission. Just to make sure we're able to work together without killing each other."

"You mean to make sure I won't kill you in your sleep," Natasha retorted and boarded the quinjet just to throw her bag in some corner and take a seat at the left wall.

Barton followed her inside and went to the pilot to greet him and exchange a few words too quiet for Natasha to hear. Then he put his bag in a locker and picked up Natasha's to do the same. After a shot time of debating silently, he opened his locker again and pulled out a bag of cookies which he opened while walking over to her and claiming the seat beside her.

"Want some?" he offered, holding the open bag so she could easily grab some. When Natasha didn't react but continued to stare at the opposite wall, Barton sighed. "Look, I get it. You wanna belong and-

"I don't want to belong," Natasha interrupted without looking at him. "I've been on my own long enough, I don't need to belong. It's a weakness. I'd rather work alone."

"Well, honey, it's not all cakes and ale," Barton answered good-naturedly, munching away on his cookies. "Is this about something Coulson said to you? He _can_ be kind of protecting, you know? He was the one bringing me into SHIELD back then."

"I'm sure you bonded greatly over sharing memories from the academy." Natasha knew there were three academies of SHIELD, each specialising in a certain field: Communications, Operations and Science. Not that she was allowed to visit any of those or even know _where_ they were located but well… agents gossiped.

Barton snorted and almost choked on his cookie. "Yeah, sure. Never been there. Besides, Coulson was a Communications guy; I'm not bad at all this hacking and data stuff, but I would have died there. They say Communications is the easiest one to enter but my grades wouldn't have been good enough even for them."

Natasha was curious enough to want to know how Barton got into SHIELD if not over by the academy but she still wanted to have her peace. And although she didn't know Barton quite _that_ long she knew he was one to chatter if feeling encouraged. Seemingly, he felt so right now.

"Got here quite similarly to you," he continued thoughtfully. "Worked as contract killer for nearly two years and killed enough to call SHIELD upon me. Coulson was the one recruiting me instead of killing me and I accepted. I wanted to change my life. More importantly, I wanted to change who I was. I worked contracts because I didn't know what else to do back then. Retrospectively, if I hadn't used arrow and bow back then as my calling card, I wouldn't be here right now. So I guess it was good for something."

"Where did you learn to shoot a bow?" Natasha asked despite her mood. She told herself she needed to know everything possible about Barton to be prepared to work with him. _Of course_ she wasn't allowed to see his file yet, though he more than probably read everything there was to read about her.

Barton smiled a little, happy at being successful to make her talk. "In the circus."

"You know, if you start lying to me you can just shut up. I'm not in the mood for fairy tales."

"I'm not lying. I joined a circus after I ran from the orphanage. God, that was an eternity ago." A sad smile played his lips for a moment. "There I earned my name, The Amazing Hawkeye. In the circus, not the orphanage. Phil saved my when he refused to kill me. I bet Fury roasted his ass afterwards. And trust me, I was more trouble than you've been so far."

"Even with me almost killing this instructor?"

"Even with that. So yeah, he's a bit protective. But I know he'll care for you as much someday. Coulson's just that type of guy to care deeply for his agents. He just needs time. Me refusing to follow the kill order got me into some trouble and he kinda sees you as the reason for the trouble, not my decision. But he'll get over it."

~#~#~#~#~#~

If Natasha had learned one thing during her first mission, then that easy missions never stayed easy for long. There was always some unknown variable, some missing information. Just like the fact that their target wasn't into redheads because his evil ex-wife had had red hair. One thing led to another and suddenly Natasha found herself with Barton running down corridor after corridor, she only in a tight cocktail dress she had ripped one side open to be able to move properly and a horde of guards behind them firing their weapons. Suddenly, Barton slumped down, blood blossoming from a wound to his leg. Natasha dragged him through the nearest door, let him drop unceremoniously, slammed the door shut and barricaded it with a desk. It wouldn't hold forever, but it'd buy them some time.

Natasha knelt next to Barton and slit open his trousers to get a look on his wound. "Still stuck in there," she murmured. "I can't get it out now, you'd probably bleed out." Instead, she worked on opening his belt to use it to stop the bleeding.

Barton reached for his pocket, his face unusually pale. "Here," he said, pressing a flash drive into her hands. "Take that. Fury was wrong, this guys a bigger fish than we thought. I downloaded as much as I could before they caught me, but it should be enough to justify another mission. This has to get to Fury."

"Then drop it off yourself," Natasha answered, pushing the flash drive back to him. "Laura and Coulson hate me already, I won't give them any more reason and leave you here."

"Natasha, we lost contact with Phil half a day ago; we can't let him know we need extraction if we don't find a phone. And with that little army camping in front of our door, I doubt we have the time to call even if we find one. I'll be fine."

"Stuff it." Natasha tied down his belt roughly and checked her gun; not much ammunition left. Outside the door she could hear the guards lining up, some already slamming into the door to open it. There wasn't much time left. Quickly she pulled Barton behind more desks to give them some cover. "Still able to fire?"

Barton at least was still fit enough to look offended. "I'm _Hawkeye_ ," he stressed. "The day I can't fire gun or bow anymore is the day I'm dead."

"Then do your fucking job."

Barton huffed in amusement. "If I didn't know better I'd think you're worried about me."

"Dream on." According to the sounds of splintering wood the guards were close on breaking through. "You're ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

Finally, the door gave way. In the same moment the first guard stepped in, the windows behind them exploded in a shower of broken glass when the quinjet hovering behind them shot down the guards.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha leant against the wall of the quinjet, her eyes trained on Barton whose wounds were treated near the ramp. She couldn't believe they'd come out there pretty much unscathed compared to how everything could have gone. As it seemed, when they'd lost contact with Coulson he'd been worried, considering it had presumably been a simple mission. So he'd worked Fury until he got permission to grab a quinjet, a pilot and a minor medical team to pick them up. Not a second to soon. Barton had given him the flash drive before the doctors had started working on him. While Natasha herself had some wounds to sport herself, she refused to let herself be treated before Barton; other than him she hadn't been shot and the knife wound – her more severe wound – wasn't too bad. She had gone longer with more.

"Mind if I start cleaning your wounds?" Coulson asked, holding some dabbers in one hand and a bottle of medical alcohol in the other.

Natasha shrugged wordlessly and lifted her shirt far enough for him to reach the knife wound.

"Clint told me what happened in the room. That you refused to leave him behind."

Again Natasha shrugged without effort but offered no explanation.

Coulson sighed. "I know the both of us had a rocky start and that it's mostly my fault. But I want you to know I'm grateful you kept his back."

"He got shot," Natasha reminded him. "That's hardly keeping his back."

Coulson chuckled mirthlessly. "Barton gets shot on roughly every third mission. What I mean is, you put his sake over the mission. I want to thank you for it. Guess it was a good decision to partner you."

Natasha blinked in surprise but otherwise didn't let on how touched she was by his words. That was as much appreciation as she could hope to get.

"Make sure he keeps quiet for a week or two, okay? We won't be keeping up the bedrest much longer."

 _We_. Natasha nodded. "I'll do my best, Sir."

"I expect nothing else, Agent."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? I kind of liked the thought that the mistrust given Natasha fades a little when she protects one of the agency's best. And I hope the way I dealt with their mission was okay with you. I still try to finagle my way around the fighting scenes since I'm not sure how to depict it, so let me know what you think of it.**


	50. Abandoned (038)

**A/N Welcome back for another instalment; I hope your week was somewhat better than mine. This chapter is kinda an apology for chapter 47 so be prepared for some Romanogers happiness.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much.

Invader Johnny: I think this mission did teach her that she's not perfect and that mistakes can happen everytime. Someting everyone has to learn sometime.

Maria.Z.A: Thank you a lot. Yeah, Clint's hell-bent to get along with her; after all he'd brought her in because he saw something good in her now it's up to Natasha to make something out of it. He probably thought that talking about his own past would cause her to talk about hers and her promblems as well.

* * *

Title: Abandoned (#038)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Laura, feat. Clint and Sarah

Word count: ~2366

* * *

It was the middle of the night when a ringing phone woke Laura. Drowsy, she reached for the annoying thing on her bedside table and accepted the call without looking at the caller's ID. "Barton."

"How did you stand Clint going to fight Ultron with us when you were pregnant with Nate?"

"Natasha?" Laura asked, sat up and leant against the headboard. She was glad for Clint taking his hearing aids out during the night; she would hate waking him up. But his years as an agent let him sleep lightly so her stirring was enough to rouse him. "Is everything okay?" Laura asked Natasha, held the phone between shoulder and ear and signed Clint that he should sleep on.

"The boys still aren't back from their mission. I know it's the middle of the night but I needed… Just tell me how you could stand it, I just might go insane here."

Laura sighed. "I didn't. I was at least as worried as you are. That's part of the deal, Natasha. The men are doing stupid stuff and we have to wait it out. But Steve's not fighting a robot that wants to erase humanity. It's an easy mission, isn't it?"

"Supposedly. But it's always easy until it gets complicated." It was quiet on Natasha's end for a moment. "I should have come with them."

"Natasha?" Clint asked quietly and after Laura's nod he put in his hearing aids just for the case he needed them.

"It would have been too dangerous, you know that," Laura admonished softly. "First trimester is always a challenge, especially with a history as yours."

"I know. It's just… I don't know how to be a mum, Laura. Let alone a single mum. If Steve dies in the field, what am I supposed to do. I can't do this by myself."

Someone who didn't know Natasha very well wouldn't have heard the fear and desperation in her voice but Laura was no such person; she had spent enough time with Natasha to see right through her mask. "Do you want me to come over? I can stay with you until Steve returns from his mission. Maybe you shouldn't be alone right now."

"I'm not alone, I have Akela with me." Natasha sounded almost offended in the dog's stead.

Laura supressed a smile. "I don't want to belittle his ability to calm you. Still. We could turn this into a girl's night. No alcohol for you, but I could bring along some ice cream."

"It's late, Laura; I don't want you to drive up all the way. I really shouldn't have called and woken you, I'm sorry. Let's talk tomorrow again, alright?" And then the line disconnected.

Laura stared at the phone in her hands before putting it back on the bedside table and slipping out of bed.

"Is everything alright with Nat?" Clint asked, his now attentive eyes trained on her.

"She's worried about Steve," Laura explained while pulling pants and a loose shirt out of her closet. "And upset. I'm not okay with letting her be alone in that house in her state."

"Do you want me to drive you up? Cooper's old enough to play babysitter for a few hours."

"I don't want to have him to deal with Nathaniel alone yet," Laura disagreed and kissed Clint softly after pulling her hair up in a ponytail. "It's not that far and I'll text you when I'm there."

Clint pulled her in an embrace. "I love you for things like that, you know that, right? Tell Nat not to worry and that she's welcome to stay here next time Rogers has to save the world."

"You know, you need to accept that Nat isn't the girl anymore you brought here," Laura reminded him with a smile. "And she could have done worse than Steve; he's a decent guy."

"Yeah, well, just because he's Captain America doesn't mean he's perfect." Clint scrunched up his nose. "Maybe he should stay at home now that his wife is pregnant and be there for her."

"Oh, like you refused to answer the Avenger's call for help?" It was pure humour in Laura's voice with only a hint of annoyance. "Just like you couldn't stop saving the world he can't either. But I'll tell Nat to come over next time. The kids will be happy to play with Akela again."

"Not only the kids," Clint answered with a grin. "Drive safely, promise."

"Promise. See you later."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Nearly two hours later Laura hit the bell on the little house. Immediately, Akela's steps could be heard along with a soft whine. Natasha followed him closely and opened the door while holding Akela's collar. "I should have known you're coming anyway," Natasha said by way of greeting and stepped aside to let Laura enter.

"That's what family's for," Laura explained with a shrug of her shoulders. "And I brought strawberry ice cream."

"Well, can't say no to that, can I." A small smile played her lips and Natasha led the way to the living room where she resumed her seat on the sofa, a light blanket wrapped around her shoulders. After Akela had greeted Laura he light-footedly jumped on the sofa and laid his head on Natasha's lap.

"Thought he wasn't supposed to jump on the sofa," Laura noted with a smile and sat on Natasha's other side, the bucket of ice cream and two spoons ready.

Natasha shrugged. "Steve's not here to complain." Silence spread between the two women, but Laura waited patiently; she knew that Natasha needed to open up in her own time, otherwise there wouldn't be much talking. And Laura suspected that some talking would do the redhead actually some good.

"I never thought to be one those women to get all emotional," Natasha said finally, huffing out an unamused laugh. "I hate pregnancy already."

"Not to scare you off, but it's not exactly supposed to get better anytime soon. Hormones can do mean things." Laura leant back and pulled her legs underneath herself. "But you're invited to stay with us next time Steve has to go on a mission. Akela's of course invited, too."

"I'm just worried for him, you know? I mean, really; I don't know if I could raise our child without him. I know nothing about being a mother, let alone care for a child."

"When I was pregnant with Cooper back then, Clint also continued to go on missions. I remember he once came back, sporting a graze and a black eye and I all but snapped. I almost broke his nose because I was so angry at him."

"Really? He never told me." Judging by Natasha's grin, she already had an idea to use this as blackmail material.

"Yeah, well, it's an episode neither of us is really proud of. What I want to say is that it's naturally to be scared for your loved ones. And Nat: I hope it doesn't come that far but should something happen to Steve, I'm more than sure that you're capable of caring for a child. More importantly, you wouldn't have to do it alone. I know that Clint would be just as ready to help you as I am. As would be the other Avengers."

Natasha snorted. "Yeah, right. Wouldn't trust Tony to take care of a child, to be honest."

"Neither would I," Laura agreed with a laugh. "What I mean is that you wouldn't have to do that alone. We're all family."

"Still, it… it feels stupid to freak out over something like Steve taking longer for a mission than usual. Plus, it's a radio silent one so I can't even call him." Natasha said frustrated and continued to stroke Akela's soft fur. "But, on the other hand, I think I would _know_ if something bad happened to him. God, that sounds mushy."

"It does, but… I kinda know what you mean. It's the same with Clint, really." Laura kept silent for a moment. "Did you already play around with names?"

"Not really. Steve's all into trying out names, spending hours kneeling in front of me and saying them to the child; but we don't even know yet the gender. It's still difficult to accept I'm pregnant after I spent years believing I could never have this. And I'd rather not have him get his hopes up, you know? Just in case…" Natasha cut her word and looked down at Akela, working hard on composing herself again.

Laura wanted to pull her in an embrace but she knew Natasha would only grow distant through it if it wasn't initiated by herself; she'd never been a great cuddle person aside from interacting with the kids – even that she had to learn – and even less so if she was upset. "Do you have any discomforts? Anything that would suggest something's not right?"

"Aside from puking every morning? No." Natasha shook her head. "I think I'm already annoying Bruce with all my questions; it's a wonder he hasn't hulked out in me yet. But as you said, first trimester's always a gamble. And he'd be a great father, I just know that."

"You say that like he's the only great parent between the two of you."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "I'm too tired to have this conversation. _Again_."

"I let you off the hook this time, but we _will_ talk about how you can be a good mother despite your past. Trust me on that."

Natasha was spared the answer by the sound of a key being turned. Within a moment she was at the door, greeting a tired Steve with a stormy embrace, the only concession to her uneasiness from minutes before. Steve's face was covered in cuts and he moved as if one of his ribs was broken. Still, he returned the embrace just as passionately before taking her face carefully between his hands and kissing her. One of his hands finally wandered to Natasha's still flat stomach. "Sorry I'm late," he whispered, leaning his forehead against Natasha's. "I didn't mean to, I swear."

"I know. Still, I was worried for you." She leant away far enough to take a good look at him, one hand on his ribcage and prodding carefully. "I'll bandage that until tomorrow. Just let me fix up the guest room for Laura."

Only now did Steve seem to take note of Clint's wife. "Hey," he greeted awkwardly, his ears tinted a faint pink.

"Hey," Laura returned with a smile and watched as Akela now greeted him too.

Steve looked at her while petting the big dog. "Thanks for coming here. I know Nat's more anxious than usual and I'm glad she didn't have to wait all alone."

"Nothing to thank me for," Laura answered with a shrug of her shoulders. "I was just as worried for Clint all the time."

"Still, thank you."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"I know you miss your mum. I miss her too," Steve murmured and swayed the little girl in his arms. Sarah was way past her bet time but refused to go to sleep. Instead, she would pull herself up in her bed and cry until Steve got her only to keep whining in his arms. Even Akela, her biggest fan, seemed annoyed by now for he chose to stay in her bedroom when Steve had taken her downstairs.

Sarah wriggled in his grip to turn towards the front door and reach for it as if that would summon Natasha by some wonder. Steve sighed. "Mummy had to go to work. You don't understand that yet, but Mummy's work is very important." Sarah's crying got a little louder. "Yeah, I don't like it, either."

Steve walked over to the radio and turned it on; music normally had a calming effect on his daughter and he hoped that it would also work this time. His look grazed the clock on the wall; Natasha was late. She would have called if there had been a problem at HQ, right? Or if she decided to sleep there and then drive home in the morning. Although, she'd only done that once or twice; no matter how tired and beaten she was after a mission, she wanted to be home. Home with her family. Steve couldn't really argue with that.

While the music seemed to have calmed Sarah for a while, she now remembered why exactly she was still awake and started to sniffle. "Aw, come on, Sarah," Steve sighed and gently kissed her forehead. "I can't change it, I'm sorry. I would call her if that'll help, but you know I can't do that. If you're grandpa learns I called her, he'll get really angry with your dad. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"I think it would be funny," Natasha said and closed the door as quietly as she had opened it. Sarah reacted faster than Steve and immediately reached for her mother. At once a genuine smile spread on Natasha's lips and she let her bag drop to cross the distance and gather her in her arms. "Hey Sweetie. You missed me?"

"Wasn't the only one," Steve answered and pressed Natasha close without crushing Sarah.

Natasha returned his lingering kiss and leaned against him.

"Isn't as funny to wait at home, huh?" Natasha said but the smile vanished quickly again. "I'm sorry, I drove as fast as I could. There were some complications during interrogation."

"Yeah, I can see that," Steve murmured and gently turned her head to get a better look at the cut at her temple.

Natasha shrugged. "Bruce already stitched me together again, but it's nothing bad. I promise. I'll take a quick shower and then join you, alright? That's if you bring Sarah to bed."

"I don't know how you do it." Steve shook his head and took the sleeping form of his daughter carefully from Natasha. "I swear, I do nothing different than you do."

Natasha shrugged with a fond smile. "That's the mummy-effect."

Steve couldn't help but smile at her happy expression; he was glad she'd finally accepted that she indeed had it in her to be a good mum. "See you in five?"

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think about it? Kina liked to reverse the whole thing in the second part ;)**


	51. Amputation (064)

**A/N Welcome back to another round! I hope you had a nice week. I for my part started learning Welsh though I'm not very far yet... really only know the weekdays and am able to greet someone. Oh, and I can say that I like to drink coffee which is pretty important don't you think?**

Invader Johnny: Yeah, that is nice for a change, isnt it?

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much.

Maria.Z.A: Thank you for your review. I'm sorry to be responsible for shing your belief in Captain America of all people but he isn't always the douchebag ;) And no, chapter 60 marks the half, actually, so don't worry, there are some more to come. So no need to be sad just yet ;) As for abandoning it, no, I don't intend to do that.

WidowInBlack: Thank you very much. Yeah, those two girls just rock, don't they? It was kinda nice to let Steve experience how it feels to get left behind to babysit. I guess neither he nor Natasha likes it very much.

* * *

Title: Amputation (#64)

Characters: Natasha, Avengers

Word count: ~1181

* * *

Her feet move almost silent as Natasha runs down the corridor. She must hurry. Under normal circumstances, Tony would never sell her out as in holding her up for Ross to collect her. But his ego is scratched and bruised; she doesn't want to push her luck. Right, maybe it has been a stupid decision. Reckless, even. But she couldn't electrocute Steve, not even to save her own hide. She already decided some years ago, when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell and he stayed by her side, helped her through it all, that she could never hurt him. Steve was all sweet and puppy eyes; it has to be considered crime against the nation to hurt him.

And then there is Bucky. Steve's friend from the forties who just happened to have just really bad luck. Steve is so determined that _she_ could be saved, that everyone deserved a second chance. Then why should it be wrong to trust Steve and offer Bucky his second chance in doing it right?

The door of her apartment within the headquarters bangs against the wall after she pushes it open. She quickly grabs her go-bag she still keeps in her closet. Old habits die hard, right? Although she is a part of this team for a longer time she likes to think about it, she was never able to convince herself that it would be forever. Natasha had seen too much things fall apart and once she even thought that S.H.I.E.L.D. was her new, permanent home. After she was wrong with that, why should it now be any different?

"You are leaving, Miss Romanoff?" Vision inquires, blocking the door with his body.

Natasha lets out a sigh. She came to like Vision after he helped the team with the whole Ultron debacle, but sometimes he just scares her with popping up unnoticeable. "If you're trying to stop me, Vision, we're gonna have a problem."

"Although I have seen my fair share of this team, I never thought it to fall apart," Vision continues with a slight shake of his head. "Secretary Ross is going to arrest you for helping Captain Rogers after King T'Challa told him you interfered when he was about to arrest the Captain and his friend."

"Sometimes we do the strangest thing to protect our friends. Even if it means to pay the price," Natasha responds with a light shrug of her shoulders. "We all make mistakes. We all pay the price. And I will pay it, just not now. I need to accomplish some things before I can allow Ross to lock me up."

Vision acknowledges her words with a nod. "I understand. What happened at the airport…" For once the android seems at a loss for words.

Natasha gently reaches out to him with the hand that isn't preoccupied with placing the bag on her shoulder. "It wasn't your fault what happened with Rhodey. And I too fought my friends. My family. Now I have to cut our losses, but I won't be able to do that if you don't let me pass."

Vision eyes her for so long that Natasha already contemplates leaving the building through the window. Then, finally, he says: "Wanda will also be in need of help. She was imprisoned along with Mr. Barton, Mr. Wilson and Mr. Lang."

"I take care of her when I can, but first I have to protect some innocent bystanders. A mother with three children, the youngest barely a toddler. They need their Aunt Nat. They have probably seen what happened on the news and I cannot let Ross get them. But I promise you to help Wanda too if I have the chance to."

"That is everything I could ask of you, Miss Romanoff," Vision answers and floats aside. "Good luck."

"Gonna need it." Natasha smiles shortly at him, then steps out of the apartment which has been a home to her for so long. She allows herself one last look at it before leaving. Sometimes one needs to amputate the infected limb to allow the body to heal. In this case, Natasha is sure, she is the limb that needs to be removed to allow the Avengers to find back together. Once Tony stops moping over her helping Steve, maybe the boys get to negotiate some kind of truce. Even if neither of them wants to admit it, but the need each other. Badly. The team can only function with both of their leaders. She herself is disposable.

~#~#~#~#~#~

It were almost thirteen months by now since the fatal day at the airport. Natasha managed to evade Ross that long and by now the government ceased to have interest in her. She helped Laura and the kids over the time Clint was still in prison. At first Laura was mad at her, blaming her for Clint leaving his family to join this Civil War as the press dubbed it. But then she accepted Natasha's help and when word reached them that Clint would leave the prison and come back, Natasha packed her things and vanished in the night. Just like the spy and assassin she was trained to be.

Now she watches from afar as the team reforms. Steve and Tony shake hands, though the doubts of this decision are clear on their faces. Wanda and Vision rejoin with a smile, she is looking up to him with so much joy that Natasha just knows it has to be worth it. Sam and Rhodey immediately engage in a discussion related to the military with Sam helping Rhodey with his mechanical legs back inside the building. Bucky stands somewhat at the side, observing the reunion of the Avengers. Spiderman seems to be back with his aunt, but on the other hand, he's not a fully-fledged Avenger yet. Although that doesn't seem to stop Scott from fanboying all over the place.

Natasha smiles at the sight of it. She can only hope that her family will now stick together more tightly after having survived the war. But for her, it's time to move on. Or rather, to move back. She doesn't feel like she belongs to this team anymore. Why should Steve forgive her siding with Tony from the beginning on? Why should Tony forgive her helping Steve and Bucky escape? It's not like she hasn't been on her own before. She might need a week or two of adjustment, but even while she has been with the Avengers, the person she has related most on was herself. The hardest part will be evading her former teammates looking for her. Natasha wouldn't be surprised if Clint abandoned his retirement just to hunt her down all over again.

The thought makes her smile. Maybe she'll return, someday. When she can be sure that she is still welcomed by the Avengers. But for now, the sick part of the body, the team member with the dark past has to be removed in order to allow the rest to heal.

Natasha shouldered her bag again and vanished between the trunks of two old maple trees.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? Leave me a review and if you have some ideas or suggestions, please let me know... after 50+ chapters I'm slowly running out of stuff to write *cough***


	52. Drive (009)

**A/N Welcome back! It's been a long day for me, so I'm not saying that much but let you simply start into the chapter. Have fun!**

DarylDixon's Lover: Thank you vey much.

Maria.Z.A: I think it has to do with her being told in the Red Room how perfect and one of a kind she is only to learn that she is indeed replaceable. Being lied to her entire life, it has to be hard for her to trust in other people and herself. And you misunderstood, the Avengers (Clint especially) were looking for her; Natasha just evaded them. I do think that given time she might change her opinion of herself. And yes, I'm also glad we're not even halfway through :)

Invader Johnny: Thank you very much. It isn't always easy to find the fitting title out of the list for a chapter.

Unicorn brownies: Welcome back! And I'm just able to do it because there are you guys who like this stuff ;)

Arie'Lizbeth: Thank you very much! Here's the new update. Sadly I don't manage to do faster than once a week.

* * *

Title: Drive (#009)

Characters: Natasha, Avengers, Guardians

Word count: ~1376

* * *

The Avengers were one team again. Thanos was defeated. Earth and the whole galaxy were save again. All in all, reason enough for Tony to throw a party. Now Avengers were mingling with Guardians of the Galaxy and friends who survived the destruction. They hadn't been able to save everyone but neither of them had hoped as much.

Natasha was again at her favourite position behind the bar, mixing drinks for everyone who was brave or dumb enough to ask for it. "Here you go." She pushed a glass towards Maria Hill who wrinkled her nose. "You trying to poison me?"

Natasha looked offended. "And ruin perfectly good vodka? Nah. Believe it or not, I'm not in the mood of poisoning someone today."

"Guess I gotta trust you on that, Romanoff." Hill winked at her and took a sip from the colourful drink before raising her eyebrows appreciatively. "Not bad. Thanks."

"You're welcome." Natasha's gaze swept over her team mates, most of them on the dance floor. And Star Lord in the thick of it. She smiled involuntarily. It was sweet to see how overwhelmed he was by learning how technology – and music – had changed during his time in outer space. A huffing alien brought her focus back to the bar. Drax had been sitting there since the party started and never once moved up to dance or even tapped his foot. Strange being.

Just when Natasha opened her mouth to ask what his problem was – they _had_ defeated Thanos after all – Gamora shook her head. "Don't ask. It's about his theory."

"I'm the bartender. Or I pretend to be. I'm supposed to ask." Natasha shrugged. "Humour me."

Drax gave her a long look. "There are two kinds of people: those who dance and those who don't. Peter Quill is a dancer. He is pathetic and weak and no fighter. Groot is too. I am no dancer. I am a fighter. I am strong of mind and body. You strike me like no dancer, too."

Natasha smiled. "Is that so? How comes?"

"I saw you fighting. You simply cannot be a dancer the way you fight."

"Sorry to disappoint, Drax, but I wouldn't fight like that if I hadn't danced for some years."

Drax blinked in surprise. "You are deceiving me."

"No, I fear not. I danced ballet for a very long time. Helps with fighting and that's why I've learned it."

"So you _are_ a fighter," Drax tried to apply his theory. "You dance to fight so it is not enjoyment. Is it?"

Natasha was silent for a moment. "There was a time when I hated it. When I simply couldn't enjoy it because I knew _why_ I was so good at it. But then… Suddenly it's relaxing again. It's a part of my past, something that made me the way I am today. I cannot change that. And there is nothing wrong with enjoying music." She threw Drax a smile; it was unnerving how much she could relate to him. "You can be a warrior and enjoy music. To dance makes you nothing less of a fighter." She mixed herself another drink and stepped forward from the bar. "Enjoy the party, Drax." Her gaze swept through the room. Tony and Rocket were discussing mechanics in some corner; the former using more than necessary sweeping gestures while the latter often looked as if he wanted to bite Tony. Seemed like they got along. Peter Quill was still dancing on the dance floor he hadn't left once since they started the music. And Groot, the strange walking, talking tree was having an elaborate discussion with Friday. Natasha thought it interesting how Rocket – and obviously Friday, too – managed to keep a conversation going with Groot while his only answer consisted of stating his name.

"Still observing the new ones?" a familiar voice pulled her out of her observation.

Natasha turned around to meet Bruce's gaze and shrugged. "You can't hold it against me to be slightly curious, can you?"

"Slightly?" He chuckled. It was a light, honest chuckle. "I'm surprised you're not bombarding them with questions yet."

"Maybe later," Natasha answered, returning his smile. "Besides, I already got Quill's lecture on the collapse of good taste in music after he heard some stuff from the nineties. I hope no one's going to show him Justin Bieber; poor guy might just collapse."

"Oh, I bet Tony already has a playlist ready," Bruce admitted with a sigh. "I heard Rocket asking whether we call ourselves now Guardians of the Galaxy, too. With having also saved the galaxy. I think he was afraid it'll dump the prices when there were two teams with that name."

"Sounds just like Rocket." Natasha shook her head in amusement. "I'd suggest we'd stick just with Avengers and leave the Guardians their title. But that's for the leaders to decide." After their fallout leading to a civil war between Avengers, Steve and Tony had decided to lead the team together. Natasha was more than happy to step down from being second in command; she had no qualms beating all their asses in shape during training but she simple wasn't fit for leading. And she never wanted to.

They were quiet for a moment, listening to the music and watching the people they had saved the earth with until Bruce spoke up again. "Thanks again for not beating the crap out of me in Wales," he mentioned. "I know I would have deserved it. And the Other Guy, too."

"I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't have wanted to do just that. But it seemed like you had been beaten up enough so I let it be. If you still think you deserve it I could catch up on that," She offered with a smirk.

Bruce laughed softly. "I bet the Other Guy would enjoy that." He was quiet for a few seconds. "He missed you, you know? He was relieved to see that you were alright. And other than me your new hair style didn't deceive him for a second."

Natasha shrugged again. "It was enough to deceive Ross's guys. And I missed the Big Guy, too. I missed the team, to be honest. Wouldn't have thought our two alphas got at one table once more."

"Are you planning on changing it back?" Bruce asked with a tone so innocent that Natasha had to smile. He wasn't exactly subtle.

"Why, you're not liking it?"

"I didn't say that. It's just… I liked your red hair."

Natasha knew that if she turned around just now she would see Bruce's cheeks tinted pink. "I think I'm keeping it for a while. Still don't know how long I stay. If at all."

"Well, I… I hope you're staying for some time. I still have some making up to do."

"Oh, do you? And how are you planning on doing that?" Her playful tone took away any edge of her words.

"Well, I haven't decided on that yet," Bruce admitted, running a hand through his hair.

Natasha smirked. "Then let me know when you've come up with something," she said, kissed him lightly on the cheek and turned around. She didn't get far, though, when Steve pulled her gently aside.

"Guy's already completely flustered again," he noted, his tone amused as well as chiding. "What did you do to him this time?"

"Me? For once, I didn't do anything," Natasha answered and rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

"Why can't I believe that?"

"What's up, Rogers? Thor gave you too much from his Asgardian mead?"

"I'm just as drunk as you are," he said dryly, referencing to her own pretty high tolerance. "Just as someone who knows some stuff: don't be too hard on him."

"Are you sporting this beard because Sharon doesn't like it or because you think it makes you look older, grandpa?"

"Just promise to stay long enough so he gets his chance on making it up to you. He made you happy. I'd like to see you like that again, now that we're all save again."

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. "Will you let me throw more women at you?"

"Not any time soon," Steve answered with a chuckle.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? Leave me something if you have the time for it. If you want something special to read, just let me know your ideas. ;)**


	53. Detached (104)

**A/N Hey guys! I hope you had a good week and are hooked for the next chapter. I won't say too much about this one now but I'm curious what you think about it. But you really blew me away, you know that? 114 of you clicked on the last chapter during the last week, that's really amazing. Thank you for staying with me and this collection, you rock!**

Invader Johnny: That's her default setting ;)

DarylDixon'sLover: Yeah, sometimes I like they as friends even better than as lovers.

Unicorn brownies: Thank you very much!

MaRiA.Z.A: The Guardians are evryone's comic relief ;) gotta love those guys.

* * *

Title: Detached (#104)

Characters: Natasha, Nathaniel

Word count: ~1018

* * *

„Hey Traitor." Natasha smirked. „First of all, I am very, very proud of you. I knew you would make it. Nothing ever stops you Bartons and I didn't think for a second, you would fail those stupid tests. I'm just sorry I can't be there in person to hug you and prove the Black Widow does have a heart. Work to do. You'll know the feeling soon enough."

"Yeah, I know," Nathaniel answered, smiling at the familiar nickname. Since he learned where it stemmed from, he wore it as a badge of honour and it became a joke between Natasha and himself.

Natasha grew a little more serious. "I know your dad teased you because you chose Communications. He doesn't mean to be an asshole, promise. Clint's just more the guy to go out and do stuff than sit around commandeering others. Coulson was from Communication too, you know that? Always the calmness in our ear. Aside from us being the greatest assets SHIELD ever had, it was due to him we were so successful."

"I know about Coulson. He's kinda a legend at the academy," Nathaniel answered and rolled his eyes.

Natasha smiled softly and maybe a little sadly. "I hope you do know what you set yourself up for," she said. "It's hard losing agents when you're on the mission with them but just hearing them die… I hope it won't break you, Nate. I don't think that you're weak; being accepted into SHIELD would already prove that wrong. But I don't think it's an easy job."

"I knew that when I applied, Auntie." Nathaniel shrugged almost helplessly. "I just want to make sure people get home safe again. Like you always did with Dad and the other way around. I know I won't always make it but… I have to try."

"Just promise me you'll also take care of yourself, okay?"

Nathaniel nodded.

"And make sure to learn pretty fast that the job is not your life," Natasha said with a smile. "That's the least you can do for your sanity. Oh, and _never_ eat in the cafeteria when it's pudding day. Just don't. And maybe-" Nathaniel started laughing and Natasha grinned. "Alright, I'm done. But trust me on the pudding if nothing else."

"Promise."

"Bet your mom's pretty wound up today, huh? I wish I could be there just to hug her, too. She never wanted that life for her kids. Neither did your dad. Make sure to hug her very tightly from me, okay? And be considerate of her if she gives you even more advice than I do. She's just scared for you even though you're not directly in the line of fire."

"I know," Nathaniel answered quietly. "And I promised to call her at least once a week. I don't want her to be as worried for me as she was for Dad when he was an active agent."

Natasha smiled softly. "You're a great man, Nate. Though it's still hard for me to think of you as a man. Not because you wouldn't look like it but because every time I look at you I see the little guy who was always able to fall asleep in my arms. Who started to giggle after smearing smashed peas in his father's face. Who kept the teddy I gifted to him always in his bed. You'll always be my little boy though you're not my boy, technically."

"I love you too, Auntie Nat."

"Alright, before I start to tear up here, I better go. Keep your chin up and remember to do both: get close to your agents but also keep a certain distance. And yes, I know how stupid that sounds; it's a fine line you have to walk, but Nate? I know you can do it. I love you, never forget that, alright? Hug your siblings and parents from me, will you? I'll call them later. But today is your day, so enjoy it. I'm very proud of you, Nathaniel, and it's an honour you're named after me. I hope I have taught you everything you could need and haven't learned in the Academy."

"You did, I'm sure of that," Nathaniel answered honestly.

Natasha smiled at him in affection. "I love you, Nate. Stay safe."

The screen went black. Nathaniel sighed and closed the laptop to put it back on his desk. Then he pulled on his shoes, straightened his tie and put his phone in his back pocket. Then he left his quarters and went on his way to the debriefing room where he would talk with his team first before they would depart with the jet. A simple mission but he liked to meet them before he became a voice in their ears. On his way to the right room, he passed the Wall of Valour. After the fall of the original SHIELD it had been build up again. Names over names covered its smooth surface but Nathaniel's practiced eyes found those that mattered to him with ease. Phillip J. Coulson. Although he'd never met the man, the stories he'd heard about him made sure that Coulson grew to be his role model. Maria Hill. Jemma Simmons. Barbara Morse. Nicholas Joseph Fury. All names of agents – some family, really – who had died during Thanos's attack on Earth a few years ago. Then, finally, the name he had initially been looking for, like every time before he started a mission. Natasha Romanoff. Nathaniel knew that his father had fought for her chosen name being engraved in the Wall. Not the name she bore when she came into this organization. Not Natalia Alianovna Romanova, because this girl hadn't been a friend, hadn't been family. Natasha Romanoff, however, had been all those things. She had been Agent Romanoff, the Black Widow, an Avenger, adoptive sister and beloved aunt.

Just as Nathaniel had always been the little traitor until her death to her, she would always be Auntie Nat, no matter what he had discovered of her past during his time at SHIELD. He smiled softly, sadly, and continued on his way.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Did the endng surprise you or did you figure quite early what was going on? Let me know if you have a minute, alright ;)**


	54. Confusion (106)

**A/N Hey guys. I'm sorry te update's a little late, I had some problems with my internet and my phone broke down and well... BUT I've managed to visit Gamescom in Cologne this year for the first time and it was awesome. Definitely planning on repeatig that next year. This little piece is agian not too long but I hope you like it. It's more on the lighter side (kinda necessary after the last oneshot, huh?) and a request by Invader Johnny, so I hope you like it.**

DarylDixon'sLover: No, Clint's not dead in the last one. He survived Thanos and is currently enjoying his retirement on the farm.

Invader Johnny: In my book, that's a good thing as long as it's not too far-fetched ;)

CincciMincci12: Yeah, it was just that. In my imagination, Nat was already prepping for the fight against Thanos which happened shortly after Nate got accepted.

Unicorn brownies: Well, for me surprise is a good thing. But I got to admit that it was difficult to write because I certainly do not want this happening.

MaRiA.Z.A: Trust me, I hope that, too, but the more pessimistic side of me reckons with being a wreck after Infinity War. The ending making sense and you not expecting it is pretty much the goal I wanted to achieve, so woohoo :D

* * *

Title: Confusion (#106)

Characters: Avengers

Word count: ~1179

* * *

„Hey, Nat. Nat!" Clint shook the redhead's unconscious form with dread forming a hard knot in his heart. Maybe they were too late. When the line of communication had broken down, Clint had nearly smashed the console. Whoever this guy was, to sneak up to Natasha and knock her out – hopefully _only_ knock her out – required a certain level of skill. If it had been Tony, Clint would just ascribe him being captured to being dumb. But Natasha? Nat wasn't dumb, never had been. "Natasha, it's me. We're here to get you out. Please, wake up, alright?"

Maybe she'd heard him, maybe him shaking her had finally helped, but whatever it was, Natasha opened her eyes and looked at him, her head tilted slightly to the side.

"It's me, Clint. You remember?"

Instead of answering, a happy expression showed on her face and the next Clint knew she licked him across his cheek.

" _Ew_! Nat, that's gross, even for you." Clint needed to mobilize all his strength and abilities to keep her from continuing when she managed to pounce him, resulting in him lying flat on his back.

"Everything alright there, Featherhead? You found her?" Tony asked via comms, the sound of his blasters clearly audible.

Clint scoffed. "Shut it. We kinda have a situation here."

"What do you mean?" Steve asked before Tony could make any comment.

"I could try a more subtle explanation but Nat's licking my face and I can't get her off of me." Clint was met with deafening silence for so long that he thought his comms were suddenly not working anymore.

Finally, Tony cleared his throat. "As much as I'd approach some dirty stories out of your and Natalie's bedroom, but come again? She is _licking your face_?"

"Like a goddman dog, yeah. I could need some help."

"Well, we're… we need some minutes here. You're good otherwise?"

Clint sighed. "Sorry, Nat," he murmured and hit her hard on the point where her shoulder met her neck. She went unconscious instantly. "I handled it. Let's meet at the jet and get her to Banner as quick as possible."

"You think the Other Guy is a dog's guy?" Tony asked, a grin clearly audible in his voice.

Clint picked Natasha up and threw her over his shoulder. Then he reached for his comms, took them out, let them fall to the floor and stepped _accidentally_ on them. He could do without Tony's comments right now.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"What do you mean you don't find anything wrong with her?" Clint shouted through the lab Bruce and Tony were currently working in. "Have you looked at her? That doesn't seem like normal behaviour." He gestured to Natasha who was locked in an old observation room. She moved on all fours – though pretty quickly, he had to admit – and had developed a strong fondness for balls that were thrown through the room. Every time someone entered the room she jumped at the person, trying to greet him in a way only few found funny by now.

Bruce cleared his throat awkwardly and cleaned his glasses on his shirt. "Vitals are normal and according to blood and DNA she's still human. I didn't find any drugs in her system that could be responsible for hallucinations and if there had been any, they should have lost their impact by now."

Clint had already opened his mouth to start yelling again when he noticed a pristine white bandage on Tony's arm. "What happened with you? Lab accident?"

Tony glowered. "No. Our beloved Russian redhead bi m when I took a blood sample."

"She _bit_ you?" Clint managed to retain a neutral expression for some more seconds, then he burst out laughing. "Oh god, that's too god. Do we have that on tape? Please tell me we have that on tape."

Bruce hid his smile only with difficulty. "I'm sure JARVIS has a copy to share. Isn't that right?"

"It is my duty to record everything that is happening in the tower," the disembodied voice answered. Clint could swear the AI sounded almost amused.

"Well, as funny as that is but we can't let Natasha act like a dog for the rest of her life," Clint said. "Not only that she'd kill me when she's normal again, but it's Fury I'm really worried about. Nat was supposed to take over Delta with Rogers next month and right now he's not amused. Like, at all."

Th elevator dinged and a brownish-black fur ball bolted out of it, Steve and a little girl close behind. "Little Charlotte here says that her dog is… well…"

"She's not my dog anymore. She's the Black Widow," the girl piped up.

Clint, probably the only one fit dealing with a child, knelt down in front of her. "Why are you thinking that?"

"She acts different. And she told me she's the Black Widow," Charlotte answered.

Bruce looked like he might get a headache. "So… someone switched bodies of Natasha and a dog?"

"Lady."

"Lady?"

"That's my dog's name."

The dog in question sat down beside Clint. Something about the way how it held its head seemed eerily familiar. "Nat?" Clint was pretty sure that if dogs could roll their eyes, this one would do it right away. He looked at Charlotte again. "Not to be mean, but how do we know you didn't just train your dog very well?"

This seemed to be Lady's – Natasha's? – cue. Impatiently she stood up again and turned around once as if looking for something. Then she crossed the lab and sat down in front of one of the desks only to bark once.

"Whose desk is that?" Steve asked with raised eyebrows.

Tony lifted his hand. "Mine, I guess. But I wouldn't know, what… oh."

"Oh, _what_?"

"Well, I might or might not have taken Romanoff's Widow's Bites to see how they work and maybe upgrade them a little. SHIELD's tech might not be bad, but I'm better," Tony stated with the knowledge of being not only arrogant but also right.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "That means we have Agent Romanoff in the body of a dog and vice versa? I'm not gonna tell Fury that."

"Nobody has to tell the pirate anything." Ton rolled his eyes. "Bruce and I will solve that. Somehow."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"So we still don't know how that body-switch-thing happened?" Natasha asked disbelievingly and scoffed as she sat down and put on her gear.

Steve shook his head and closed his helmet. "No. But Charlotte and Lady are together again and you're you."

"I guess there would have been worse people than that girl. Though she has a foible for pink and I had to burn _a lot_ of photos." Natasha scratched her head with the foot that wasn't yet clad in her heavy boot.

Steve stared at her openly, his mouth slightly agape.

"What?"

He quickly shook his head. "Nothing." Maybe he should talk to Tony and Bruce concerning side effects _before_ Natasha started to adjust her fighting style in the midst of battle.

* * *

 **2\. A/N As you might have realised by now, I'm not that good at writing fun stuff since I don't write it often. But I hope you at least smiled somewhere along the way f not even chuckled, so let me know what you think of it, will you?**


	55. Secret Place (109)

**A/N Dear readers, one year ago I started this collection. By now, there are more than 50 chapters and more than 30,000 clicks. You really have no idea how happy I am that you stuck with me and this collection and that you are still reading it. Thank you very much! So, how about that: I continue to give you a oneshot every week (given, I might have to skip once or twice if real-life is happening) and you continue to read them and tell me what you think of them and what you'd like to read. That sound good? Well, either way, enjoy this one and have a nice weekend.**

MaRiA.Z.A: At least a part of it is the best I've written so far ;) Yeah, sometimes a little fun doesn't hurt, right?

Invader Johnny: I'm glad you liked what I did with your prompt. Yes, I bet she banned every joke on that matter. And that one time Tony made one either way, he regretted it. Big time.

* * *

Title: Secret Place (#109)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce

Word count: ~1869

* * *

Bruce staggered slightly when the rainbow bridge hit earth again and blinked furiously against the bright light until it suddenly vanished. The scared neighing of horses had him look around. He was standing in a front yard – now heavily marred – of a little farmhouse; the neighing seemed to come from behind it. Before he could look around any further, the door opened and a blonde woman stepped out, two firearms trained on him.

She looked him down curtly, then let her arms sink down. "I should have known that if someone finds me here it would be you. Come on in already; you look like your searching Comic Con." Without another word, she turned around letting the door stand open.

"Natasha?" Bruce followed hesitantly.

Natasha dumped both her firearms in the hallway and went to the kitchen to fill the kettle with water. "I only have black tea here; hope that's alright with you. I haven't been expecting company."

By now, Bruce had trotted inside and took a seat at the small table. "Your hair…"

"Different, I know. I had to get used to it to." She put a mug in front of Bruce but instead of taking a seat herself she leant against the counter. "Just like your clothes, by the way. If you wanted to settle for inconspicuous, this is the wrong realm for that kind of clothes. Looks gladiator-style. Been to Rome?"

"No. Gladiator isn't that far-fetched to be honest. And black tea's fine." Bruce took a look around. Nothing here really screamed _Natasha_ at him. "Where are we, actually?"

"How could you find me when you can't read a map?"

"I wasn't looking for you. Not actively, at least. Heimdall brought me here. Maybe because I was thinking of you. I don't know."

Natasha didn't react to his statement of him thinking of her and chose to answer his question instead. "North Wales. Next village is around twenty miles away."

"And what are you doing in North Wales? And why are you blonde?"

"You don't like it."

"No that's not… I mean… It's just that… I liked your red hair," Bruce stammered.

Natasha smiled for a moment. "I'm here to take care of the horses. Their owner had a heart attack and I was already working here when he did so I offered to take care of them until he is better."

"And the other guys are okay with you playing farmer's girl?" Bruce asked with an amused smile.

Natasha met his gaze calmly. "There is no team anymore, Bruce. After Sokovia, everything broke apart, piece by piece."

Bruce was at a loss for words. "How?"

"Short version? United Nations wanted the Avengers controlled, Bucky supposedly bombed the UN, Steve wanted to protect him one thing led to another and the Avengers got split in the middle. I fought on Tony's side and then decided to help Steve and Bucky flee so Tony sent Ross after me. Explains the new hair colour, by the way."

"I'm sorry. I… I do not know what to say, honestly." Bruce put his hands around his mug. "What about those who positioned themselves against the United Nations?"

"How am I supposed to know? I'm on the run, remember?"

"Natasha…"

"They are save as far as I know. Received a card from Clint a week ago which said as much. Supposedly Steve sent Tony a phone just in case he needs the rest of the team but I'll stay here until I know that Ross isn't at my heels anymore."

"We need the team back together. There's something bigger coming at us and-"

"Bruce, you look like you've been through hell-"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Bruce murmured, propping his elbows on the table. "She looked like this Elf from Lord of the Rings. The white one in Lothlorien. Just… darker."

"Who?"

"Hel."

Natasha raised her eyebrows. "You're going to tell me you the Norse goddess of death who happens to look like Galadriel? Come on. A simple explanation why you haven't called would totally suffice."

"I'm not lying, Nat. Why do you think I'm wearing this?" he asked tiredly.

"Point made," Natasha admitted but she still had problems of grasping the concept of a goddess of Death. "But you really look like shit, Bruce. Why don't you take a shower? I'll look into Mr. Evans' clothes and bring you some, alright?"

"Fine." Bruce rubbed his eyes and stood up to look for the bathroom. "And, Natasha? I'm sorry we left. You shouldn't have gone through this mess by yourself."

"I wasn't all alone. Not all the time, at least," Natasha answered and brushed past Bruce to show him the way and pull a towel out of the cabinet. "I need to feed the horses. You're clear? I'll leave you some clothes before I start."

"Yeah, I'll… I'll manage. Thanks."

"There's nothing to thank me for." Natasha shrugged and went to the master bedroom where she opened the wardrobe and picked a pair of comfortable because worn-looking trousers and a plaid shirt. Those she left right outside the bathroom, although the meaner part of her brain suggested placing them on the kitchen table. Then she pulled on her boots and put on a light jacket before she left the house through the backdoor and crossed the small distance to the stable. The horses were still out on the pasture so Natasha could take her time in preparing the fodder. One part she took with her and went to a smaller stable that was directly attached to another pasture. The stallion there came neighing to the fence once he noticed her.

"Hey buddy," she greeted him with a smile and ruffled his mane. "Brought you something." She stepped through the fence and offered him half an apple. While the horse chewed away happily, Natasha brought the bucket with his fodder into the stable. While caring for the horses she had made a habit of talking to them. "You already saw your foals? Two pretty girls, honestly. And cheeky like all of them. Mr Evans called them Aeres and Gwen; sorry if my pronunciation is slightly off. I haven't had the chance to learn this language properly yet. Myrddin still sounds strange to me." The stallion whinnied softly as he heard his name.

"I think you don't sound so bad," Bruce noted. "But then again, it's not like I have ever heard a Welsh word in my life." He came closer carefully, aware of how close Natasha was standing to the stallion; he didn't want to spook him. "So what's his name? Merthin?"

"Myrddin," Natasha corrected with an amused smile. "It's the Welsh form of Merlin from what I've gathered."

"What kind of horse are those?" Bruce asked, leaning his forearms on the fence.

"Welsh Cobs. The biggest kind of the Welsh Pony, strong enough to carry adults. Mr Evans breeds them on a small scale. Two foals are already born, another one is due the next days. And then there are two geldings he kept because he couldn't part from them. A sentiment I do understand, to be honest."

"Mind if I give you a hand?"

"Sure." Natasha patted Myrddin one last time, then ducked out of the fence again. "Come on." She led Bruce to the first stable and pasture, where she pointed to two buckets. "Bring those in the two boxes at the end, will you? I'll get in the boys first." Natasha waited for Bruce's nod, then she took two halters from a hook on the wall and went on the pasture. A loud whistle sounded and a few seconds later seven horses on different speeds came towards her. Natasha picked two brownish horses – one slightly darker than the other – and laid them the halters on to bring them inside.

"How are those two called?", Bruce asked when he left the second box to make room for Natasha.

She put the end of one halter in his hand and brought the other horse to his place. "The one you're holding is Rhun and this guy's here called Bryn."

"Do those have a meaning, too?"

"Bryn is the Welsh word for hill and Rhun is a name out of a tale, I think." Natasha closed the box and watched with a smile as the gelding started eating. "Now only the girls are missing."  
"Three of them, right?"

"Three mares and two foals. The little ones are staying so close with their mothers that we don't have to get them in separately. I'll take care of the still pregnant one. She's a little bitchy and I don't want you to get bitten."

"Do they react to their name?" His voice sounded almost hopeful.

Natasha grinned. "If you're lucky. The black one is called Manon and the light brown one Rhian. The little ones don't react to their names yet but they'll be tired from playing and running and happy to get inside for now."

Natasha took the remaining halter and started walking. She knew Tanwen, the remaining mare, would be at the other end of the pasture, keeping her distance; something that Natasha could relate to. "Hey girl," she called softly. "Ready to turn in for the night?" She was carefully when she caught the mare, knowing how skittish she could be. "Just so you're warned, we have a visitor. I don't know how long he's staying, but Rhun and Myrddin seemed to like him well enough. His name is Bruce and I know him from before."

Tanwen snorted and shook her mane but followed Natasha good-naturedly.

Natasha huffed. "Yeh, there's a story behind that, but… I'm just glad to see he's fine. I'll take the rest as it comes, you know?"

When they entered the stable, Bruce was busy interacting with one of the foals which seemed curious and playful; the mother just let them be for the time being. "They're pretty cute," he mentioned with a soft smile.

"Cute and cheeky little bastards if they want to. But yes, I would take them with me if I could. Bring them to Barton's farm or something like that." She watched them interact a moment longer after bringing Tanwen to her box that was bigger just in case she would start to foal inside. "You want to stay for a while?" Natasha finally offered. "I bet Ross wants you to sign the Sokovia Accords too, and here you could decide which step to take next."

"That the only reason you're offering me to stay?"

Natasha shrugged. "I could use a hand or two around here. It is work taking care of the horses."

"So you really want me to hand out at your secret place?" Bruce asked a little surprised. "After what the Other Guy… what we did?"

"You don't have to stay," Natasha said, shrugging again, as if it didn't matter. "I can drive you into town first thing tomorrow. Well, second thing after letting those guys out again. From there you can take a bus to the nearest airport. I'm sure Tony's missing his science bro by now."

"I guess I could stay for a while. If you don't object."

"I don't." Natasha smirked. "The sofa's all yours."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I feel like I should apologize at this point for the horses' Welsh names. As a kid I spent one year in Wales and I started to learn Welsh a month ago and it has a really unique sound to it. If you're wondering about the pronunciation, just drop me a line and I'll include something next week.**


	56. Kami (113)

**A/N: Dear readers, no, I have not forgotten (or forsaken) you. It's just a really busy month and it will continue to be but I'll try hard to give you the next two chapters on time. Fingers crossed! To make it up to you, this one is a bit longer than usual, so I hope you'll enjoy it.  
**

Invader Johnny: It's pretty ironic, isn't it? But I think those two especially could use some sense of normality after everything that has happened.

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much.

MaRiA.Z.A: Well, she already told him in the chapter with the Guardians that she wanted two, but maybe she will in another installment ;) Don't worry, I still feel like punching him, too. Does it make sense I'm kinda annoyed with Nat she didn't?

* * *

Title: Kami ('113)

Characters: Nat, Bucky, feat. Steve, Fury, Tony and Pepper

Word count: ~2,383

* * *

"I still think it's a stupid idea," Natasha said while throwing another shirt into the duffel bag sitting atop their bed. "As if Fury really needs to know on which missions the Winter Soldier interfered." She threw another shirt into the bag with unnecessary force.

James left his place at the doorframe and gently took the jeans from her hands before they became the next victim. "I want to help, Nat. And it's gonna be simple, I promise. You know I can snap out of the Winter Soldier way faster than before. They'll trigger him, ask him and I'll be back before you can start to miss me." He smiled at her and put the jeans in the bag.

Natasha sighed. "How can you be so sure? It's not that I doubt you or your abilities and yes, we came far concerning you snapping back. But what if it's not that easy? If something goes wrong?"

"Well, firstly, it won't go wrong. The punk is coming with me to make sure everything goes according to plan. And secondly… I need to help, Natasha. I need to make sure to give SHIELD all the information about the Winter Soldier I can. I… _He_ did so many awful things… I want to give his victims' families a chance at closure."

Natasha sighed again. "You're spending too much time with Steve. All this goody-two-shoes… that's not good for you."

"You're just pissed because you can't come, too," James retorted and pulled her in an embrace to kiss her softly.

"Of course I am," Natasha scoffed. "Every time I leave you guys alone you make a mess out of it."

"We'll try _very_ hard to break that streak." James grinned and let go of her to reach for the sideboard and take the stuffed bear in a dragon's costume that was sitting there. "And while I'm away, Smaug will take care that _you_ don't do anything stupid."

"I'm at the Tower. What stupid thing is there to do for me?"

"Well, you could kill Stark, for example."

Natasha grinned. "Fair point." She took the bear from his hand and carefully put him in the bag, too. "Just… promise to be careful, okay?"

"I promise. And I promise to call you at least once every day, alright? So you know everything's okay."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Alright, say it," Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Natasha didn't need to be told twice. "I _told_ you it was a stupid idea. So what now? Bucky's in winter mode and you can't get him to switch back?"

"Yeah, that's basically the point of it. He attacked some agents when they tried to restrain him but he killed none. We managed to put him in the Hulk tank but I really don't know when or if he will change back. Fury's adamant to further ask him about his missions from back then, but to be honest, I fear more questions will just put him further into this mindset."

"Should I be worried? Like, really worried?"

Steve was silent for some time. "To be honest, I wanted to ask whether you could come over and try your luck. Really, I don't care what Fury wants. I know Bucky wouldn't forgive himself if he hurt someone and he gave Fury enough to work with as it is."

"I'll take one of Tony's jets," Natasha answered without hesitation. She could basically _feel_ Pepper's gaze on her.

"Thanks Nat. Maybe you have more luck with him than I do."

"Keep him safe while I'm on my way, okay?"

"I promise." With that, Steve hung up.

Natasha put the phone in her back pocket and braced herself for the inevitable questions. And as if Pepper sensed it, she spoke up. "Something happened in DC?"

"Yes. I need to go there. I'm sorry, Pep, but James needs me."

"That bad?"

"He's in Winter Soldier mode and they're unable to get him back. Now it's my turn." Natasha shrugged and started to put on her boots.

Tony cleared his throat. "Did he kill anyone yet?"

If Natasha hadn't known him for so long, it would have sounded icy, but she detected the slight worry Tony could hide so good. And so she returned the favour and let him know she not only appreciated him getting over the animosity but that she also trusted him. "Not yet," she said, worry and fear only for those audible who knew her long enough. "And I'd like to keep it that way. Can I borrow a jet?"

"You're asking? Wow, you _have_ to be scared as shit. So yeah, sure, take one."

"Thanks. I'm sorry I can't help you with the planning. But then again, I don't think I could do this any better than Pepper does." Natasha smiled at the pair.

Pepper only rolled her eyes. "When you were my PA you did everything as good as I could have wished. Back then I could have married _you_ , that's how good you were. We'll just continue when you're back, alright?"

"Alright. See you soon."

"Good luck, Red. And kick his ass for me if you have the chance, yeah? Just for good old time's sake." Tony winked at her.

A soft, thankful smile played the assassin's lips. "I'll see what I can do."

~#~#~#~#~#~

The flight to Washington was both quick and endless. Though the time in air took less than an hour with Tony's jet, it was long enough for Natasha to get really worried. She _knew_ something like that would happen. It had been a dumb enough idea to totally get wrong. What would happen if she didn't manage to get James back, she didn't dare think about. She had to manage, there simply was no other way. Almost subconsciously she took Smaug out of her back and held him tightly to her chest. With a smile she thought back to day James had won her the bear. It had been a fun day and Natasha almost couldn't believe how blind she'd been. Then again, spies were always blind when it came to personal matters.

The moment the jet touched down on the roof of the newly erected Triskelion, Smaug had vanished again into the bag and Natasha was all Black Widow. It told her everything she had to know that Fury himself welcomed her.

"Stuff it, Nick. I'm serious. One wrong word from you today and I'll put your eye patch as a trophy over my fireplace," she threatened him with no hint of amusement in her voice.

"You don't even have a fireplace, Romanoff," Fury answered with an equally serious voice. "Come on, I'll bring you to him."

But Natasha crossed her arms and stood rooted. "First you promise that there won't be any more experiments short of they're really necessary. I want your word on that."

"Yeah, yeah, don't shit yourself. Rogers already gave me that talk. There won't be any interrogations of the Winter Soldier concerning past actions if it is not of extreme importance. Satisfied?"

"For now." Natasha slung her bag over her shoulder and brushed past Fury who followed her after a roll of his eyes. With determined steps Natasha followed the corridors to the Hulk tank Tony had installed there at Bruce's urging after both of them spent more time at SHIELD headquarters to help their science and tech department. Beside the door that led to the tank, Steve leant at the wall, his eyes closed and arms crossed in front of his chest. "You look like shit," Natasha greeted him with a tired smile.

Steve opened his eyes and turned to look at her. "Hey. Sorry I wasn't able to get him back. I knew you looked forward to your weekend with Pepper."

"It's alright. If I were to hear another monologue about decorations on the tables I might have killed someone," Natasha answered lightly. "How is he?"

Steve ran a hand over his face tiredly. "Not any different. Which means basically he's still in there, romping around like a maniac. So far, the tank holds." He sighed and looked her down. "You wanna get your gear?"

"Nah, I'm fine." Natasha shrugged.

Steve frowned. "You're sure? Because I don't know whether he'll recognize you."

"Oh, he will," Natasha said confidently. "If not as Natasha, then at least as Natalia. Maybe I can work from there. And for the worst case, I have my Widow's Bites in here." She gently patted her bag.

"Wait… you took _those_ to Tony? Where there some intentions involved?"

"No. Maybe. Anyway, Tony took the opportunity and tinkered with them, so if they don't work I know who's to blame."

Steve pushed himself off the wall. "I'll wait outside the tank. Just in case you need anything, alright?"

"Okay." Natasha put the bag on the ground, pulled open the zipper and rummaged through it until she found her Widow's Bites, which she put on.

"Still have that dragon-bear?" Steve asked with a fond smile.

"His name is Smaug. And yes, I kept him. Why shouldn't I?"

"Never figured you the type of gal to keep stuffed animals."

"Yeah. Me neither," Natasha answered honestly, closed he bag again and pushed it into Steve's arms. "Let's try our luck."

Steve nodded and opened the door for her. Natasha took a deep breath before entering the room behind it. She was glad she did. The Hulk tank placed there contained a man that looked like James but acted like the Winter Soldier. His eyes had a hunted look about them and he only interrupted his pacing to slam at the walls.

"Let me in," Natasha demanded quietly. Steve knew better than to argue and opened the lock to allow her access. Without hesitation, Natasha entered, her stride confidently. "Stand down, Soldier."

The Winter Soldier gazed at her with a crooked smile. "Not ready to comply, Romanova. Where's your training gear? You should have been here hours ago. Madame will not be amused."

"It's Natasha. As you are called James. Remember? James Buchanan Barnes. You went to fight in World War II at the side of your best friend, Steve Rogers, who then got turned into Captain America."

"Quit talking and start training. I want you to make good for that lost time. Thrice."

Natasha fought not to sigh but refused to fall in a fighting stance. Better she didn't encourage him. "We can spar later if you want, James. Don't you remember? You live in Brooklyn again, sharing a flat with me. We spend last weekend with Clint and the kids and you showed Cooper how to flick a stone so it jumps over water. And you let Lila braid your hair after she asked a thousand times. I know you two took pictures afterwards. And you sang Nathaniel to sleep when he fussed around. I stood in the hallway when you did."

Something like recognition flitted through his blue eyes but then it was gone again just as quickly. In the next moment, he had her pressed against the reinforced glass, one arm at her throat and one across her torso to keep her in place.

Natasha didn't hesitate, put his legs around him to bring him to the ground and activated her Bites to jam them to his neck. At least that was the plan. While they did seem to power up, they only emitted little electricity; at least not enough to stop a super soldier. "Fuck," she murmured and the next moment, the Winter Soldier had her pinned to the ground beneath him.

"Sloppy, Romanova. I expected more from my best student."

"I really am sorry, James, but you leave me no other choice," Natasha said, regret clearly in her voice, shortly before she jerked up her knee and hit him where it hurt most. The Winter Soldier groaned and tilted to the side enough so Natasha could escape from his hold. "Steve, give me Smaug?"

"What? Did he hit you hard?"

"Just give me the damn bear!" Natasha knew Steve was rolling his eyes but he placed the bear in the lock nevertheless.

She had just grabbed it when the Winter Soldier – now _really_ pissed according to the force he used, again slammed her against the wall. "That was unnecessary, Romanova. And it's no way to treat your instructor."

"Remember Smaug?" Natasha asked as way of answering, slightly out of breath. "You won him at a fair years ago. For me. You carried my all day long on your back because I had hurt my leg and was too proud to use crutches. We had cotton candy and sat down for it because you were afraid I would get it in your hair. And before that we were having fun at the bumper cars. You took care that no one hit us too hard so I wouldn't get hurt."

The Winter Soldier could have been carved out of stone; if it hadn't been for the heavy heaving of his chest, he might have been. It was silent for a very long time during which no one dared to move. The Soldier's eyes flickered to Smaug and they grew softer, confused. "You had strained an ankle," he recounted quietly. "And that guy in the booth thought I missed all of my shots."

A relieved smile played Natasha's lips. "Yeah, exactly. I only realized later that it was probably our first date."

"And I was sure we'd never even get to that point." Only then James seemed to realize that he was still pressing her against the glass. Immediately he released her. "I… I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't even want you have to get here."

"It's alright. You snapped back, that's all that matters." Natasha slung her arms around his neck, Smaug still in one hand. "No such experiments anymore if they aren't strictly necessary, alright? If you want to make things up, go volunteering or something."

James chuckled. "Sounds like a plan. No more experiments if they aren't strictly necessary. Boy Scout's honour."

"You never even were a Boy Scout, Bucky," Steve's slightly annoyed voice came over the speaker but the relief in his voice was clearly audible.

"Thanks, punk. Well, then I swear on our lucky charm Smaug. Sound good?"

"Perfect."


	57. Caged (016)

**A/N Welcome back to another instalment. Sadly, it's a little bit shorter than last time but I hope you like some Nat and Clint in the very early days of their partnership. Just one itsy-bitsy warning before I let you run of. remember the busy month? Well, it isn't over yet. I'm at a friend's wedding next friday to sunday and I don't know whether I have the chance to write a one-shot beforehand and, if so, I would the earliest upload it sunday evening, rather later. So if I miss our appointment next week, please don't be mad. I try my very best to give your weekly dose of Natasha Romanoff.**

Invader Johnny: I don't know if I get which dubious note you mean, so if you want to drop me a line, I'd really appreciate it :)

MaRiA.Z.A: To be honest I only learned to love it but those two damaged, tortured souls together... I really can't help it. And I'm glad you liked it, too. Yeah, Smaug is just the cutest thing ever, isn't he? Originally I didn't intend to bring him back but here he seemed just right.

AeslinnArt: Than you, I liked that line as well. And don't worry, you don't have to like every ship I do. You reading it nevertheless and leaving a review is the least I can ask for :)

* * *

Title: Caged (#016)

Characters: Natasha, Clint

Word count: ~1,231

* * *

Natasha was anxious though neither her face nor her eyes gave anything away. For the first time since entering SHIELD's headquarters almost two months ago she was wearing training clothes and waited in front of one of the gyms together with other recruits. Though none of them were like her. The stood together in little groups like the brainless sheep they were, whispering and throwing her the occasional glances. Unobtrusive, really. One would never think they were here to be trained as agents. Natasha leant all by herself at the wall, her arms crossed in front of her chest. For a few minutes already she was willing her heartbeat to slow down. It was the first time since two months that she interacted with other people than the shrinks that were supposed to evaluate her. Though _interacting_ might be stretching the fact a little since she'd made no effort in talking with anyone. She was supposed to train with these morons, all of them older than her but not better trained than the six-year-olds in the Red Room had been.

The chatter died when a senior agent appeared, opening the doors of the gym. "Alright, recruits, get in here." He waited until they all stood in a single line on the mats, a noticeable gap between Natasha and the rest of the recruits. "My name's Lockwood and if I catch anyone of you guys calling me Locky, this recruit will be running more laps than he has accumulated during his High School time. Understood? Good. You passed the academies and now you aspire to become agents of SHIELD. While that is a noble course, I warn you: we only take the best. So those of you who think that being here is already a safe card, well, that's your wake-up call. I will not tolerate anyone who is trying to manipulate a colleague. Remember, you could end up as partners. Okay, now that that's out of the way, warm up."

Natasha chose a quiet corner to warm up her muscles. Neither did she hope nor expect to make any friends here anytime soon and that was just the way she liked it. She didn't do friends. Bad enough Barton tried to be one to her every time he was back at HQ from another mission. No matter how beaten up he was, he always insisted on visiting her in her small cell the day he returned. Although it wasn't exactly called a cell, it was far from the living quarters the recruits normally had and she wasn't allowed to come or go as she pleased. To her, it was a cell.

"Romanoff."

Natasha stopped warming up and turned to look at the instructor. Lockwood stood in front of her, his body language to careful tuned to being non-threatening to be really convincing. So he knew her reputation. And he was scared. "Yes, sir?"

"I know you are already trained and Hill let me know that concerning you this class is to assess your abilities. So I want you to assist me when I show the moves to the rookies."

Natasha simply nodded and followed Lockwood to the middle of the mats.

Lockwood raised his voice. "Alright guys, let's start with something simple. Romanoff here will attack me and I will break her grip. First in real speed, then slower so you can see what we're doing." He turned towards Natasha and assumed a fighting stance. "Come at me."

Natasha returned his gaze unfazed and moved almost too quickly for the eye to see. One moment she was standing seemingly relaxed on the mats, three steps away from Lockwood, the next moment she had turned his arm painfully on his back and Lockwood was struggling against her grip. Then a sharp _crack_ sounded through the gym.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Since Natasha had been brought back to her room, she has been pacing without pause. She was _sure_ they were going to decapitate her. Inuring her instructor on the first day? Great move. Natasha had no idea how much time had passed since the incident but she was sure it was already night outside. Or was it morning again?

The opening of her door had her jumping and instinctively she assumed a fighting stance, one wall in her back so she was still able to move enough without being able to be surprised. It was Barton who entered her cell and Natasha only relaxed for a second before remembering that they could use _him_ to kill her, both as a punishment for him _and_ her.

"Hey," he greeted her with a soft smile. "I heard what happened."

"Then you're here for letting me pay?" The bitterness crept into her voice without Natasha really being able to prevent it.

Barton frowned. "No I… I wanted to see how you were doing. Collins told me you were even calmer than usual which, frankly, freaked him out a little." He held a brown bag up. "Brought you some doughnuts. A situation like that asks for doughnuts."

"But, I… I _hurt_ an instructor. I _broke his arm_. And you're bringing me doughnuts? Are those poisoned? Because if so then I'm rather going in a fight."

"Hey, whoa. Calm down." Barton put the bag on the ground and held up his hands in a calming gesture. "Breaking Lockwood's arm was an accident. You know that. I know that. And Fury, too. Things like that happen and no one will blame you for it."

"He said he'd break my grip. That he wanted real speed. I didn't even _think_ about loosening my grip, because-" Natasha gulped and averted her eyes for the shortest moment.

Barton's look grew even softer. "Because you're not used to it, right?"

Natasha nodded. Quietly, she told him: "In the… in Russia, there was no letting someone win. If you didn't win, you died. Simple as that. I didn't even _know_ there is another way to train."

"Well, good we're not in Russia. Lockwood's a good guy." When Natasha didn't react to his comment, Barton picked up the bag again and moved slowly towards her. He felt her tensing at his approach but continued nevertheless. "How about this: we're enjoying these fabulous doughnuts and I'll talk about this training thing with Coulson first thing afterwards. I mean, you need someone to train with while you're here."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Thank you." It was sheer honesty in her voice.

Barton shrugged with one of his big grins. "You're welcome. Besides, someone has to take care of you."

"That one's you?" Natasha raised one of her perfectly plucked eyebrows.

"Who else? I brought you in, I take care of you. You're my responsibility, not only because I'd really suck if you'd decide to fuck it all up."

"Wow. That's encouraging, Barton," she answered dryly. "I'm not your stray who walks around biting and scratching everyone."

"No. But you know they call you _my Russian stray_ , don't you?"

Natasha shrugged elegantly. "I have nothing else to do than listen in on conversations all day long. Of course I know. And I'll let them pay in my own time. _Without_ killing them," she added with a roll of her eyes when she noticed Barton's look. "What now, you wanna spar or not?"

"And get me some nasty bruises? Anytime." Barton smirked and darted forward, but Natasha was already expecting him with a smile.

* * *

 **A/N Well, there's nothing left to say here other that I hope you enjoyed it and to ask you to leave me a review if you have the time. We're nearing the half of this collection, can you believe that? Honestly, I don't. But if you have any prompts still left, just drop them in the comments or in my pm box and I make sure to give them a chance if possible. Have a nice weekend.**


	58. Relaxation (100)

**A/N Hello guys. As you see, I'm late (again) but I really hope you forgive me and like this new oneshot nevertheless. If you're reading this in germany, have a nice holiday!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! Everyone needs a Clint, right?

Invader Johnny: Oh yes, that she knows for sure.

* * *

Title: Relaxation (#100)

Characters: Natasha, Steve

Word count: ~1,339

* * *

Natasha put every effort into opening the door silently but of course it would be in vain. Steve was standing in the doorway, his blonde hair in disarray and only wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt before she'd even taken the second boot off. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Natasha apologized with an exhausted half smile.

Steve stifled a yawn. "Haven't been to bed yet. I wanted to wait up for you." On her questioning gaze he clarified. "Barton's called ahead, saying you'd be home after debriefing and a medical check."

"An unnecessary medical check," Natasha mumbled and put her jacket on a hook.

"Your opinion or the doctor's?"

"Both, actually. Coulson just shat his pants when I was too close while the bomb detonated. Slight concussion and more bruises than Sam has after a sparring with you but nothing to keep me from driving. Still, I'm benched for a week. At least." She rolled her shoulders and grimaced.

Steve watched her warily. "Can I do you something good? A massage, maybe?"

"I'll come back to that but first I need a shower. And something to eat. I'm starving."

"Then go to the bathroom and I'll cook dinner in the meantime." Steve brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and gave her a soft kiss. "I'm glad you made it home safely."

A small but honest smile appeared on her lips. "Me, too. I won't take too long." She was glad Steve took up cooking. True, even take-out would be heavenly right now but Steve had never given her any reason to doubt his skills in the kitchen. Plus, he plainly refused to let her anywhere near the pans when he couldn't supervise her. It had been one time…

The hot water felt heavenly on her skin, washing away the stink of burnt plastic and gun powder and grime. While she liked going on missions with her old team every once in a while, it were moments like those when she just enjoyed coming home and leaving Agent Romanoff behind at the door step. Plus, she didn't want to think too much about today's mission. The burn of the fire on her skin, the screams… it had awoken memories she'd rather forgotten.

When she was done, Natasha towel-dried her hair and slipped into one of Steve's shirts that reached her knees without problems. She loved to wrap herself into his smell that way; it made forgetting Natalia Romanova somewhat easier. That way clothed, Natasha threw the towel over the heater and tapped into the kitchen area, where Steve stood at the oven stirring something and humming softly out of tune.

He looked up when he heard her entering. "Feeling better already?"

"Much," Natasha answered, stepped up to him and hopped onto the counter next to the oven. "What'cha cooking?"

"Just pasta with a sauce. Salmon and a little wine in it and there are some green onions to put under when serving. Wanna try it?" Steve carefully scooped up some of the sauce and offered it to her.

"Tastes awesome. Thanks for cooking, again."

"You're welcome." Steve smiled at her. "Barton's been staying at base?"

"Yeah. He wants to fly home first thing in the morning. I told him to tell Laura we'll come over at Christmas. Lila's been pestering him about it for some time now so I thought I let her and Clint sleep quietly again."

"Sure. Already have some ideas concerning the gifts?"

"Not really, but we still have time. Though I wanted to give Laura and Clint a weekend for themselves, so we'd either spend the time babysitting the kids at the farm or take them with us, show them D.C. But that's details."

"I'd like showing the kids around. Nate's old enough by now to also enjoy it." Steve shrugged and heaped the pasta on two plates. "Take the flatware? We could eat in the living room."

"Alright." Natasha hopped down from the counter, took spoons and forks from the drawer and followed Steve into the living room where she plopped down beside him on the sofa. With a content sigh, she accepted one of the plates and gave him his flatware instead. "You're the best. Thanks again."

"Again, you're welcome," Steve retorted and twirled some pasta on his fork. It was silent for some time until he cleared his throat. "You know… I know you're not allowed to tell me anything about your mission but if there's something you need to talk about you know I'm here for you. Right?"

Natasha rolled her eyes and stabbed a piece of salmon with more force than necessary. "What exactly did Clint tell you?"

"That he was worried about you and that I should have a closer eye on you tonight. That nightmares would be more probable than usual. And… he told me to be patient with you." Steve fell silent again. "Don't shut me out, Nat."

Natasha's fork sank down on the plate. "I shouldn't tell you anything if you and Clint are conspiring behind my back." When Steve was smart enough to not reply, she scoffed and continued. "We were supposed to diffuse a bomb in an African hospital where some senator's daughter was lying. We got in and found it quickly but it was a good bomb, too dangerous to try and diffuse. Clint and I wanted to try it either way but Coulson wanted us to evacuate instead and order in a team specialized in such bombs. It was the right call; saving as many people as we could instead of killing all of them while setting it off accidentally."

Steve waited patiently for Natasha to continue. Although he wanted to hug her close and tell her that none of what had happened had been her fault, he knew her well enough to know he should keep his distance for now.

"We got most people out before it detonated. I was carrying a little boy when it did. He had been there for some kind of operation and was hugging a teddy bear very close. The blast wiped us off our feet and I tried to shield him from both the blast and the impact but when I got up again… he was dead. A piece of debris had hit him in the head. He was still clutching his teddy. But that wasn't even the worst thing. Nor his mother screaming at me. The whole scenario reminded me of my last mission for the Red Room. The exploding hospital. The screams. The stink of burnt hair." Natasha averted her gaze and took some deep breaths. "Coulson wanted to keep me at base, have me talking to some shrinks. But I wanted to come home and try and be Natasha for the remaining night… not Agent Romanoff. Not Natalia."

Steve threw all caution to the wind. He put his plate down on the coffee table and laid his arms around Natasha to pull her close. She stiffened beneath his touch but Steve chose to ignore it; she needed to know that he was there for her. "I'm glad you feel like this about our flat. As for this mission, it wasn't your fault. You saved as many as you could, there's nothing one could have expected more of you. And as sad and horrible as this last Red Room mission was, it was the final reason for you to deflect and change your life. Without it you probably wouldn't be here."

"I just wish I could have saved that boy. He trusted me." Natasha shook her head. "Can we quit talking about this?"

"Okay. Just promise me to talk with someone about such things. With me, Clint, Coulson… I don't care. Just don't bottle things up."

"I'll try. I'm glad I'm having you, Steve."

He smiled and kissed the crown of her head. "Me, too. How about a movie to relax?"

Natasha shrugged with a smile and leant back. "Take your pick. And I'd like to have that massage now."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? Did you enjoy it? I hope to write some more before the semester starts so this collection is independent of my schedule.**


	59. Place of God (114)

**A/N I don't wanna brag, but I'm on time ;) I hope to manage some oneshots next week so I only have to upload them. This weekend I don't have the time because I'm starting a Tolkien-marathon with a friend tomorrow; we want to watch all the movies again since it's been some time we did that last.**

Invader Johnny: I guess although all of the Avengers could use a therapy session every now and then, Natasha would be the first to be in. Probably not exactly by free will.

MaRiA.Z.A: I'm really glad you regain your love of Romanogers (maybe even by my writing? Would be great ;) ) I really didn't want to shatter that since I do love them together, even if the three-piece didn't seem like that.

* * *

Title: Place of God (#114)

Characters: Natasha, feat. Steve, Fury

Word count: ~804

* * *

It was the moment the city started to ascend that Natasha knew she was going to day. Although she had survived multiple dangerous scenarios and hostile environments, a flying city simple beat them all. Even the Red Room. With every meter they gained it became more deadly, more destructive once Tony managed to shut down the engines Ultron had planted. At some time, the city was lost. Full stop. Then it was only about trying to save the world.

Natasha fought against robots, frying their circuits and beating them to pieces. But no matter how many dropped lifeless from her hands, there were always more to come. It wasn't so much that desperation took over at one point; not really, at least. But she came to accept that this was the place where her life would end. The day that would repay the world for all the innocent lives that she had taken. And she really couldn't deny she deserved it, no matter how much good she had done. It was the small things that made her regret her impeding death.

Natasha wanted to apologize to Bruce for forcing him into transformation. She knew he hated the fight and she regretted forcing him into one he simply couldn't win, couldn't survive. He deserved better. She wanted to see Steve going actually on a date. Natasha didn't care whether it was a girl she'd set him up with or one he'd found for himself. But she wanted to see him happy, wanted to repay him for being the friend and partner she had needed during the fall of SHIELD. And speaking of partner…

Her look drifted to the direction of where she had seen Clint last. She regretted being unable of bringing him back to his family. Lila would be so mad at her for being unable to protect Clint and Cooper… well, Cooper would probably hide in the barn, high on the rafters where Laura had forbidden him to go because it was too dangerous. And little unborn Nathaniel would never know him. Natasha fought back a lump in her throat. Clint deserved going home more than anyone here. Maybe Tony could fly him out when the time came. He'd protest of course. Clint. Protesting that she'd be saved before him. He _was_ stupid life that after all. But Natasha knew better. Maybe she'd need to knock him out.

Although Tony and Thor were the ones she was closest to the least but that didn't mean she saw them die easily. Yes, Tony was annoying and every minute she had been working as his assistant had been hell on earth but she had learned that he cared about all of them. Maybe even a tick too much as Ultron showed. And it was probably due to Thor's otherworldliness that they hadn't grown too close yet. A pity, actually. Natasha was sure he was good company and somehow she'd like to know him better. Too bad she wouldn't get the chance to.

In a short moment of quiet, Natasha stepped to the edge of the flying city. The air got thinner and she took a deep breath, feeling an eerie calm overtake her.

"Probably won't make it out of here alive," Steve spoke up, stepping beside her and looking over the clouds that were now so close that they only had to stretch out their hands to touch them. "Best case scenario, Stark manages to work those engines so that the world doesn't get destroyed once Sokovia hits it."

Natasha spared him a quick glance. He'd looked better, to be frank. Cuts marred his face, some of them still bleeding. His hair was a sweat-matted mess and his uniform was ripped, bloodied and crusted with dirt. Natasha was sure to not look a single bit better by now. "That's alright," she answered and nodded towards the clouds. "Where else would I get a view like that?"

"You seem pretty calm for someone who is likely to die," Steve stated bluntly and looked at her with something like worry in his eyes.

Natasha gave him the one-shouldered shrug he already knew. "Death is my companion since childhood. Maybe it's time to greet him like the old friend he is."

"Don't greet him too soon, Romanoff," Fury's voice sounded over her earpiece as the Helicarrier rose before them. "He might be disappointed."

"Seems like we're not done yet. We need to evacuate the remaining civilians, get them here as fast as possible," Steve ordered their team via comms. Then he smiled at Natasha. "By the way, I got that reference."

"Finally read the important stuff, huh?" Natasha answered with a smirk and turned around, new energy in her step. Maybe she had the chance to do everything she would have regretted if she were to die today.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, who of you caught on to the reference, too? As some sort of exlanation / apology: I started writing this chapter in september. Have a good time until next update and stay safe.**


	60. Keeping a Secret (053)

**A/N Okay, guys, it's time. This is it. This oneshot marks the end of the first half of this collection. To be honest, I've never thought we'd come that far. And sure as hell I've never posted that many if there hadn't been readers for them. Thank you. Thank you for those who reviewed, no matter if once or regularly. Thank you to those who followed and favourited this collection. And thank you also to those who just read and enjoy and come back every time. I'm ready to tackle the second half if you're on it.**

Invader Johnny: Mine of Nat's? ;) Binge-watching Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit for the hundreth time seems pretty reasonable to me :D

MaRiA.Z.A: YES, props for understanding! Yeah, I think Fury can lighten almost every mood if he wants to.

* * *

Title: Keeping a Secret (#053)

Characters: Natasha, Sarah, feat. Clint, Steve

Word count: ~1,850

* * *

"Mommy? Is it bad to keep a secret?"

Natasha let the plate she had been drying sink and looked in her little daughter's big eyes. "That depends," she answered thoughtfully, leaning against the counter. "See, there are little, nice secrets and big ones which really can hurt people."

Sara scrunched up her nose. "I don't understand."

Where was Steve when she needed him? _He_ would find the right words immediately. "Alright, for example, a nice secret would be that I prepared cookies but wouldn't tell you or your dad because I want to surprise you."

"And what would be a bad secret?"

"If I'd scratch your uncle Tony's car but wouldn't tell him. Or worse, if I told him it was someone else. I'd betray Tony's trust, you see?"

Sarah nodded slowly. "I think so. What if it's not my secret?"

"You mean f a friend told you a secret?"

Sarah nodded again.

"Well, that can be difficult. Firstly, it shows that this person trusts you and you would betray that trust if you told this secret someone else. But if your friend is in trouble and you could help him by telling his secret… it's a decision you'd have to make, Sarah." Natasha eyed her daughter and hunkered down. "Why did you ask, honey?"

"Nate told me a secret," she explained quietly. "I'm scared that uncle Clint is mad at me when he knows I knew about it and didn't tell." She was close to tears by now.

Natasha sighed and took her gently by the shoulders. "Look, Sweetie. I don't think Clint will be mad at you. If you feel like you need to tell me, then I will not judge you, okay? There's always a solution."

"Nate played with uncle Clint's arrows but he wasn't allowed to. He broke a vase but when aunt Laura saw it later, he told her it broke when we were throwing a ball. I _told_ him he wasn't supposed to play with them!" Sarah sounded distressed.

"Things break when playing, Sarah. That happens. And to be honest, Clint shouldn't let his stuff lying around." Natasha fell silent, deciding to give her old partner a hint without telling too much. It was also about keeping the kids safe, after all. "Can you keep a secret for me, Sarah? It's a nice secret, I promise." She waited until the girl looked up and nodded under tears. "I love you and will always do so, no matter what you do. _Nothing_ will change that."

"Can you keep a secret, too?"

"Of course."

"I don't like keeping bad secrets."

Natasha smiled sadly. "Neither do I. Sometimes there's no choice though."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Mum?" Sarah sat down on the arm rest of the chair Natasha was sitting in. "How did you know you loved dad?"

Natasha bought herself some time while marking the page she had been reading on carefully, then closed the book and looked at her daughter. It were moments like this she realized how much she'd grown from the little girl with pigtails sitting on Fury's knee into a beautiful young woman." It wasn't love at first sight if that's what you're asking," she finally began thoughtfully. "We were strangers forced to work together and then we got partners because your uncle Clint decided to retire… mostly. Anyway, your dad became a friend and so I did what most friends would do: I threw girls at him."

"Yeah, I know," Sarah interrupted impatiently. "But how did you get together?"

Natasha shrugged. "Only after we defeated Thanos. Fighting against a giant purple alien, seeing your friends die… It changes your perspective. Your dad kissed me and then went off to lead the final attack." She smiled at the memory. "I got so mad at him for leaving me like that I punched him once I found him again. After that there were no open questions. We moved in together, got married some time afterwards and then had you. If you're asking for a specific time I knew I loved Steve, then it's not that easy to pinpoint. I guess I knew it before Thanos already – the latest when I let him and Bucky escape at the airport but I wasn't brave enough to act on it. You know, it took a long time for me to accept that your dad could actually and honestly love me." Natasha's eyes narrowed a fraction. "Why are you asking?"

Sarah played with a loose thread of the plaid hanging over the chair's back. "I'm just curious."

"Sarah, I grew up a spy," Natasha sighed. "Plus, I'm your mother. And you lie about as good as your dad which is the worst I've ever seen." Her eyes grew softer. "I just want to help you."

"He asked whether we'd move in together. After the academy," Sarah finally revealed, still focusing on the loose thread.

Natasha frowned. "And you don't want that?"

"No. Yes. I don't know." The younger woman sighed. "I really like Nate, I do, but… Sometimes he does or say something for which I'd like to punch him. So that it hurts. And it would make things so… official." Natasha snorted which caused Sarah to look at her confused. "What?"

"Sweetie, things were already official when you two almost missed Lila's wedding because you were making out. Clint and I are _betting_ on when you'll be engaged and who's the one asking."

"Mum!" Sarah's cheeks reddened furiously.

Natasha gently pulled at her until she could lie her arms around her. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to be scared to take the next step. But sometimes you just need to close your eyes and jump. And I won't lie to you, it won't always be cotton candy and unicorns. Hell, your dad and I are still having big fights sometimes. And if Nate turns out not to be the right one for you then that's it. There's no shame in finding out such things. But I'm sure you'll manage. With mugs being thrown, but you will. You only need to find out whether you want to be brave enough to try and find out or not. That's not a decision anyone else can make for you."

Sarah snuggled closer and leant her head on her mother's shoulder which Natasha took as her cue to gently comb her hair. "I know. But I'm scared. What if I mess it up and he hates me? And uncle Clint and aunt Laura and Cooper and Lila, too? I mean, they are family. Can you imagine how _awful_ Thanksgiving and Christmas will be?"

"You love him that much, don't you?" Natasha asked with a smile, not really expecting an answer. "I don't think Nathaniel would ever hate you that much. As for his family… Clint and Laura already see you as their daughter and that for over twenty years. Nothing you'll ever do will make them hate you. That's how family works."

"I don't want to grow up and make such decisions. Marry. Have kids. That stuff freaks me out," Sarah said quietly.

Natasha kissed the crown of her head. "Being your mother, I have to tell you that some time you will have to make those decisions. But… I miss the times when you came to me, crawled in my lap and slept there. And trust me on this: I will never think any less of you should you ever marry or decide you don't want to have kids. That's more than fine, because it's your life and you have the freedom to do whatever you like. And if you don't want to move in with Nate because you're not ready for it, then that's fine, too." She tightly held her daughter, rocking her like all those years ago when she had been upset to calm her down. "Can you keep a secret?" Natasha finally asked, smiling.

"Sure."

"No matter how often your dad and I joke about turning your room into and art room or training area or whatever: that's never going to happen. It will always be your room, waiting with its hundreds of stuffed animals for you to come home whenever you like or need to."

"Can you keep a secret?" Sarah asked, not really waiting for an answer. "I think I really want to spend the rest of my life with Nate."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Stop crying already or the photos will look like shit," Natasha sniffled and blinked furiously. Though she had learned early on how to control her emotions, all this training did not prepare her for this day.

Clint glared at her. "My youngest son is marrying my best friend's daughter. I'm not only allowed to cry, it's _expected_ of me."

"How's Nate holding up?"

"He's a wreck. Really. I've never seen that boy so nervous. If he wasn't my son it'd be funny." Clint grinned for a moment before looking serious again. "And how's my adoptive niece slash soon-to-be daughter-in-law?"

"Nervous. Maybe even as much as Steve though he's only supposed to bring her in." Natasha fell silent for a moment. "It feels like yesterday we brought her home and introduced her to Akela."

Clint smiled wistfully. "I loved that guy. What about Fury? He's coming, right?"

"Yeah, I picked him up earlier. He's already seated so doesn't have to move too much until the ceremony." Sometimes it really hurt how old her old boss had grown, especially when he needed her arm for support to be able to move at all. But she was glad he was still around to be here on this day. Though she doubted anything would have kept him for being there on Sarah's wedding. "I'm gonna see whether Sarah and Steve are ready yet. No need to keep Nate waiting longer than he has to. And Clint? Thanks for not killing me back then."

"Thanks for not killing me in my sleep," Clint retorted with a wink and went to exchange a few words with Fury before the ceremony started.

Natasha slipped out of the little chapel and was greeted by her very nervous daughter and Steve who tried to calm her down. When Sarah noticed her, she immediately threw her arms around her mother. "God, I'm so nervous!"

Natasha smiled softly and returned the hug, new happy tears threatening to fall from her lashes. "No need to. You're the most beautiful woman today and I can't believe how grown-up you are. Grandpa Nick's sitting on his place. And, most importantly, your fiancé is waiting at the altar. Who, frankly, would marry you in rags without thinking twice about it." Natasha leaned slightly further in the embrace and continued whispering: "Can you keep a secret? He's just as nervous as you are. And I'm really proud of you."

Sarah smiled back, glad to find comfort in their game. "Can _you_ keep a secret? I'm not afraid."

Natasha gently kissed her on the forehead, careful not to smudge the make-up, and threw a loving glance to Steve. "Then I'll tell them to start playing the music."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Thanks again for sticking with me. If you have anythig to tell me, feel free to review or drop me a PM. Also, by now I really could use some inspiration from you guys, so I'm definitely taking prompts.**


	61. Waiting (055)

**A/N Welcome back! Uni startet this week, so now I'm starting my literary master. Wish me luck!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you. As for last week's chapter, Bucky surely was already in the church; I don't think he would miss the punk's daughter's wedding ;) As for when he'll return in this collection as a character, I hope I manage next week.

MaRiA.Z.A.: Thank you very much! Yeah, now that you mention it, it is kinda weird. Which is why it has a cameo in this chapter, which just happens to be one of your suggestions. I originally intended to feature it in the last chapter, but then it grew too long so I seperated it.

Invader Johnny: Well, maybe you change your mind after this week's chapter ;) But as for the last one, no, I don't think she could be any prouder.

Guest: Thank you very much!

* * *

Title: Waiting (#55)

Characters: Natasha, Sarah, feat. Nathaniel, Stee and a surprise

Word count: ~1,826

* * *

"Smells good," Steve noted and leaned in the doorframe to the kitchen, watching his wife taking a cake out of the oven and putting it on the counter to cool down. "Is that chocolate?"

"It's a surprise," Natasha answered and threw a towel at him. "And yes, it's chocolate. Sarah and Nate love those."

"I thought it's my birthday," Steve pouted playfully but stepped behind Natasha and pulled her in an embrace.

Natasha shook her head with a smile. "It is. But it's not like you don't like chocolate, is it?" She turned her head to kiss him, before turning completely in his embrace and leaning against him, deepening the kiss. She could feel him smiling against her lips. "You already got your present this morning, remember?"

"Mhm." But he gave her a fraction more space. "Will Sarah and Nate be staying overnight?"

Natasha chuckled. "For one night. You can wait until they're gone again, can you?"

"Well, we still have some time until they show up," Steve answered with a look that turned Natasha's knees to pudding.

Just until the doorbell rang. Steve not only seemed disappointed but almost betrayed when he let go of Natasha who kissed him gently on the cheek. "Tomorrow. Promise." Then she went to open the door. Sarah and Nathaniel were waiting in front of it, the latter carrying a bigger duffel bag and a gift bag in the colours of Captain America: blue, white and red.

"Hey mum," Sarah greeted her with a hug and then went on inside to wish her dad a happy birthday.

Nate smirked at his mother-in-law; it was a look she knew all too well from Clint. "Hey Nat. Are we disturbing the both of you? We can turn around and come again later."

"Don't be so smug," Natasha chided him playfully and pulled him too in an embrace. "How was driving up here?"

Nate grinned at her. "Good, good. Had to take some stops in between but traffic was okay. Where's the birthday boy?"

"In the kitchen, checking on the cake. Chocolate," Natasha added with a knowing smile.

Nate's face lit up for a moment, then his eyes narrowed a fraction. "It's not like the last time you baked a cake, right? I know the crust wasn't black because of the frosting."

"Hey!" Natasha smacked him over the back of his head. "You spend too much time with Tony when he is at HQ. No, it edible this time. Pinky promise."

It took some time until they were seated at the table. Steve asked the younger ones about work and life in general and they all enjoyed the truly edible chocolate cake. Afterwards, Natasha brought out a bottle of Steve's favourite red wine, filled four glasses and passed them around. "To Steve and more healthy years to come," she said, catching her husband's gaze and gifted him with a loving smile.

"To Steve," Sarah and Nate echoed and raised their glasses before all of them took a sip. All but Sarah.

Natasha grazed her with a questioning look but before she could ask, Sarah took Nate's hand, such a happy expression on both of their faces that Natasha didn't need further questions to verify her suspicions.

"Mum, dad," Sarah began, now looking at her parents. "We just learned yesterday. We have something to tell you."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Another painful groan disturbed the concentrated silence in the room. Natasha closed her eyes for a moment as if the pain was her own; in a way, it had been once. She inhaled sharply when Sarah held her hand even tighter, but returned the passion with equal force.

"How long?" Sarah panted, using the pause to lean back and try to relax for a while.

Natasha smiled ruefully. "Still not ready yet. If it's like with you, it'll take some while. But I'm here and you're gonna make it, you understand?"

"It just hurts so much." Sarah knitted her brows together when another contraction hit her. "You think Nate will be here in time?"

"I'm sure he does everything he can to be here, yes," Natasha answered without really answering, pushing a sweat matted strand of hair out of Sarah's forehead. Sarah had been at her parents' house when the contractions had started, so both Natasha and Steve had driven with her to the hospital. Natasha then had sent Steve to HQ to pick up Nathaniel who had been working; she didn't want him to drive by himself, remembering clearly how anxious Steve had been at Sarah's birth. Now they waited for the men to return, all the while the gaps between the contractions had shortened. A nurse – quite new at her job, as it seemed – had tried to throw Natasha out but before she could utter a single word of protest, Sarah had done just that in a very colourful way. Natasha was kind of glad Steve hadn't heard it.

"Why exactly hadn't I wanted a C-section?" Sarah groaned and threw her head back. "This is the first and last child I'm having, I swear!"

"You didn't want one because it would have taken longer for you to regenerate. But Skye doesn't want to see you back anytime soon, so…" Natasha shrugged. "But now it's too late." She smiled fondly. "And don't deny me any more grandchildren until this one's into the world."

"Well, I'm an only child, too. Don't think it hurt growing up without siblings."

"You had the Barton's kids as siblings though they were all older than you. And you don't have siblings by blood because two and a half decades ago the world was a more dangerous place. We didn't want to burden another child with the risk of being closely connected with the Avengers. But we did think about it, yes. Even after you were born."

It seemed like an eternity until the doctor finally decided that Sarah could start pressing. Natasha never left her side. She wished with every fibre of her being to take the pain away from her daughter but since there was nothing she could do, she gave everything to comfort her daughter. It seemed kind of surreal to see her going through the same strain as she had done all those years ago. But then, finally, it was done. The new-born's cry was strong and Natasha had to blink away the tears when she cut the umbilical cord. A part of her had hoped, wished that Nate would be there in time to do it himself. The doctors cleaned the baby up, wrapped her in a soft blanket and laid it on Sarah's chest who was fighting with the tears herself.

"It's a beautiful girl," Natasha whispered softly, returning to Sarah's side and gently combing her hair. "And the way she screams she seems to be pretty healthy."

"She's so tiny. Hey little one. I'm your mummy. Your daddy will be here, soon, then you can meet him to."

The crying stopped instantly when the baby found the source of milk and started drinking greedily. Natasha watched with a smile, unable to comprehend how she got so lucky of living to see not only her daughter grow up but also witnessing her grandchild. "Have you and Nate already decided on a name?"

Sarah looked up at her, smiled, and wiped a stray tear away from her mother's cheek. "I wanted to name her after you. It seemed right. But I didn't want to call her Natalia because Natalia would probably never have been my mum. And Nate's already named after you. Another Natasha would have led to confusion."

"You don't have to do that. I appreciate the thought," Natasha answered with a smile. She'd rather not have a remembrance on her former life running around. "So, how's the little girl named?"

"Claire. We agreed on Claire Jamie."

"Claire Jamie Barton," Natasha tested thoughtfully, then brushed over the baby's head with a finger. "Welcome in this world, Claire. We've been waiting quite some time for you."

~#~#~#~#~#~

It was some time later. Nathaniel and Steve had appeared shortly after Sarah had been brought to her room. Nate had greeted Natasha fleetingly; he was too worried about his wife and child to spare her more than a short hug. Natasha didn't resent Nate's lack of happiness of seeing her again; he had more important persons to be with right now.

Steve had assured himself of both Sarah's and Claire's well-being before joining Natasha on the floor and pulling her into a tight embrace. "We're grand-parents," he murmured stunned. "I can't believe it."

"Well, it got time for you," Natasha answered with a smirk, returning the hug just as fierce. "You're old enough already." Gently she caressed the fine lines his age had left on his face. Though already over one hundred years old, he didn't seem a week over thirty-five. Maybe thirty-eight.

"How has Sarah been?" Steve asked, ignoring her comment concerning her age. "We tried to get here as fast as possible but traffic had really conspired against us. I already called up Clint and Laura, they should be here soon. But after what happened the first time…"

"It took a long time. Maybe it just seemed long to me, I don't know." Natasha shrugged her shoulders, the stress slowly leaving her muscles. "I just felt so utterly helpless. I knew I could do nothing to relieve her pain. But she's healthy. She and the baby, too."

"I know. It's not easy sitting at the side line, is it? I'm just glad they're both okay."

"Me too." Natasha sighed, leaning into Steve's embrace. Then she chuckled. "Sarah already told me giving birth to one child is enough."

Steve grinned, combing through Natasha's hair. "Let's wait and see. Maybe they'll surprise us and start their own baseball-team. I kind of look forward to being a grandpa, stepping into Nick's footprints. He always seemed thrilled when he could spend time with Sarah."

Natasha shook her head with a quiet laugh. "You know what's funny? I have never been prepared for this course of my life and still… I can picture myself repeating all those things I did with Sarah with her daughter. If she doesn't watch it, Claire will be the most spoiled brat ever."

"Maybe we should have tried for a sibling for Sarah," Steve surmised, smiling a tat regretfully. "If you're so eager for grandchildren…"

"I'm too old now to be a mother again," Natasha declined but her tone was not harsh; it rather matched Steve's. "And Sarah was a handful as a child sometimes. I might regret turning you down when you proposed we'd get another child but back then it was the right decision. And since Cooper and Lila are practically our children that we borrow from time to time, we have some more grandchildren to spoil. Family gatherings won't get any smaller anytime soon."

"No, they won't. And that's just how I like it."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope it didn't get too cheesy at the end but I kinda couldn't help myself. I hope that's okay with you ;) Let me know if I haven't already written something you would like to read; there's almost no prompt I wouldn't take as long as it fits the rating of this collection.**


	62. Blood (017)

**A/N Hello friends. I know I'm late this week but the flu knocked me down big time and I had problems writing a new chapter. I hope you guys are well and can enjoy this new instalment.**

Invader Johnny: No, it really doesn't. I guess there's no one to know this like Nat.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much. Oh, they will spoil them rotten, I'm sure about that.

Guest: Thanks a lot. And here is your ballet lesson of little Nat, I hope you like it. ;)

* * *

Title: Blood (#17)

Characters: Natasha

Word count: ~1,260

* * *

The redheaded girl at the end of the line was cold but she tried hard to not let it show. She still remembered the last time she had let on about it and her succeeding stay outside in the snow, clad in nothing but her underwear. No, she wasn't supposed to be weak and Natalia didn't want to be. Not after she had seen what happened to those who were weak.

The day had started early for her. Even before the sunrise she had been woken to spar in the gym. Although Natalia had been tired, she had won every fight, using moves they had been taught in the ballet classes. What she lacked in size she compensated with speed and agility, defeating the older and bigger girls before they could see any pattern in her movements. The trainer had been pleased with her, allowing her to go showering first so that she could use the warm water. If she danced best now, she might got dinner first, eating the best pieces while they were still warm. Her stomach growled quietly when she only thought about it.

The end of a slim whip collided with her ankles and Natalia winced, looking up to Madame B. and straightened. "You know dreaming is not tolerated, Natalia. En pointe." Natalia came forward three steps and lifted herself onto the tip of her toes without showing the dread she was feeling. "You will stay like that until I tell you to stop. The others, repeat yesterday's exercise. Start."

Natalia stood tall and straight, arms slightly bent as to keep her balance. She knew there would come a point when her knees would start to feel weak and her legs would start to tremble until she couldn't control the exhaustion anymore. With every fibre of her being she hoped Madame B. would end her torture sooner.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Madame B. stepped nearer while rolling up her whip. "Curiously, it's always you who's insubordinate, Natalia Romanova," she mused, walking around the eight-year-old. "We'll have to get that out of your system, don't we?"

"Yes, Madame," Natalia answered, her gaze stoically directed at the wall opposite of her.

"A Black Widow has to follow orders and she has to be always vigilant. Russia has no need for girls who cannot concentrate on the simplest tasks."

"No, Madame."

"But you do want to become a Black Widow, don't you? You want to serve the Motherland."

"Yes, Madame."

"Why is that so?"

Natalia gritted her teeth together and concentrated on her balance. When she took too long with her answer, the whip bit her calf. Her balance only wavered for the fraction of a second. "Because love is a weakness and I have no other place in the world. It is my purpose to serve Russia with my life. If this purpose demands my life as a final token of loyalty, I will give it gladly," she recited the words she couldn't even remember learning.

Madame B. contemplated her for a long moment. "This training will either break and kill you or produce the most successful Black Widow since the woman that would be known as Dorothy Underwood. Marble is a hard material, Natalia. Difficult to form and if you're careless, you're chipping away pieces that could be useful later. But it's a beautiful substance and no one suspects anything harmful beneath a pretty surface. Be sure not to break, Natalia."

"Yes, Madame." Her whole focus was on controlling her breathing, trying to breath the pain away that threatened to force her tumbling over.

Her instructor observed her for another minute before making a flinging gesture. "You can stop now, Natalia. Stretch your muscles and then I want to see you dancing your part. The others, repeat another three times, then you can go."

Although Natalia was hungry, too, she knew better than to protest. Instead, she made a point of holding the pose five seconds longer before lowering down slowly. Without showing a limp she went to the side where she started stretching. Natalia was careful to not look at the other girls; she knew there was no sympathy to win and when she was being honest, she didn't even want it. Sympathy was for the weak, for those who'd be dying because of feeling sympathy for their enemies. There was no friendship lost between the girls inhabiting the Red Room. Yes, Arina she hated the least but Arina was none of those who were constantly making fun of her because she was smaller than the rest of them. And just because they sometimes shared their meals did not mean that they were friends or something similar stupid.

And then Natalia started to dance. She was confident she already knew the routine but during the first half minute Madame B. detected more than twenty mistakes, each of which she pointed out with a painful hiss of her whip. Every time Natalia was found guilty of such a mistake, she had to start anew, resulting in hours and hours of dancing until she managed one faultless run.

"You can go for now, Natalia. I expect you to be alert next time or else we will repeat what you did today. Besides, you should train your ballet routine. I will let it slide this time but should you make as many mistakes the next time, there will be punishment. Understood?"

"Yes, Madame," Natalia answered without missing a beat and kept her face blank. She was afraid of looking at her feet when she was being honest. When taking into account how much they hurt, how much it hurt just _standing_ upright, she was betting they bled like hell. Natalia left the dancing room, forcing her body to set step after step unwavering. Only in her little room – rather a cell, really – she fell onto her cot and started with trembling fingers to loosen the silken bands that held the shoes in place. The former white of her ballet shoes was coloured red from the blood that was dripping from her feet and Natalia bit her teeth together as she as carefully as possible removed them from her feet. Instead of taking care of her feet immediately, she went to the little sink to wash out the blood of the shoes. If they weren't immaculate again by her next training tomorrow, Madame B. would have her back for it.

By the time she had managed to clean the shoes and put them to dry beside the tiny oven that barely heated her little cell, the blood on her feet had already dried. With a sigh n her lips and dread in her stomach, she cleaned the wounds and afterwards wrapped her feet in bandages. Natalia hoped it wouldn't hurt as much the next day.

With a sigh she plopped back on her cot, eyes closed. She wasn't as hungry anymore. A part of her asked it this really was the life for her. If there weren't any parents looking for her. She just couldn't believe that they really should be dead as Ivan had told her so long ago. Then again, Natalia wouldn't even find her home anymore, not knowing where it had been and where she was now. Even more, she didn't know whether Natalia Romanova was her real name. But that wouldn't be important anymore once she was the Black Widow and served Russia. That was the only thing she was sure of. That when she graduated, she would find her place in the world.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Next one will be the promised Bucky-oneshot, I have it almost done ;) If there's anything else you'd like to see in this collection, just write it in a review or drop me a message.**


	63. Wanton (070)

**A/N Welcome back to another instalment. I'm glad you liked the Red Room story last week, so today's there's a little more of that part of Natasha's life.**

MaRiA.Z.A: I'm happy you liked it. Yeah, people change but not completely, right?

Guest: No need to thank me, thank you for the prompt. I'm just glad I did it in a way you liked. Today's another Red Room story, so enjoy. There will definitely more of Nat and Clint friendship and probably some more Red Room, I guess.

Invader Johnny: Well, she couldn't exactly know that, right? I guess everyone finds their place sometime and it's probably never what they thought it would be.

* * *

Title: Wanton (#70)

Characters, Natasha, Bucky, feat. Madame B.

Word count: ~1,755

* * *

A sharp crack sounded through the ballet room and the lifeless body of a girl fell with a crash to the ground. Natalia stepped back and raised her head to meet her trainer's gaze; she hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Very well, Natalia. From now on you will train with the Winter Soldier to be prepared to lead your own assignments. Should you disappoint, there will be no qualms of replacing you. It is an honour to train under his surveillance and an even greater one to serve Russia. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Madame," Natalia answered, her face smooth without showing any traces of emotion. Inside her, emotions were raging. Training with the Winter Soldier! Of course she had heard of him and his abilities; who in the Red Room hadn't? Accompanying him on missions, learning from the best… there was no greater honour. And still there was this part of her that doubted the life she was leading and would lead until it would cost her life. The part that insisted that there had to be another life, one that wouldn't cause streams of blood dripping from her hands. Natalia knew that this part of her would get her killed should Madame learn about it.

"Do not disappoint, Natalia. And, more importantly," Madame added, a rare but cold smile playing her lips, "do not break."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Again," he ordered, his deep voice filling the room.

Natalia smiled despite her bloody lip and the sweat that let the clothes cling to her body. She was sure to have at least one cracked rib but both her training and the adrenaline kept her from feeling any pain. Seldom had she felt so alive. She dodged his first punch and the second and the third. Slipping behind him, she used the wall to propel herself on his shoulders, his head locked tight between her thighs. Natalia then shifted her weight abruptly so he lost his balance and crushed down hard. Her plan had been to let go of him in time so she could simply roll off, but while falling he held her legs tightly in place and turned so that she would land beneath him.

The impact left her breathless for a moment but Natalia recovered quickly and found enough leverage to flip them around again. "I won," she hissed, holding a knife at his throat only short of drawing blood.

The Winter Soldier smirked appreciatively. If losing against the soon-to-be Widow ended with her sitting atop him then he had nothing to complain about. "Better." Effortlessly he pushed her aside and stood, straitening his metal arm as if he'd felt the impact. "Let's go to the shooting range. Depending on your effort, I'll talk to Madame."

"About going on a mission with you?" Natalia stood gracefully and stepped up to him, her eyes gleaming for the fraction of a second until she had herself under control again.

"Depending on your shooting skills," the Winter Soldier stressed again.

Natalia raised her chin. "Bring it on."

They were alone on the shooting range. The Winter Soldier opened the cabinet and contemplated its content for a moment before choosing a Makarov which he handed her with a smirk. "Let's start with something familiar, yes?"

Natalia checked the magazine and stepped forward, the hand holding the pistol hanging relaxed at her side. "Any regulations?"

"Three rounds, left, right, left. Four shots each. Get the highest score possible. No time limits."

"That's all?" Natalia raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow. "You _do_ realize I'm top of my class, right?"

The Winter Soldier smirked again. "That's all for now, doll." Confusion flitted over his face but it was gone again so quickly, that even Natalia with her training almost missed it. She chose to ignore it; she knew that he was being subdued to brainwashing every few months or years. Maybe it was a side effect. A little, tiny memory that had surfaced for whatever reason.

Natalia stepped to the mark and weighed the pistol for a moment. Then she changed it into her left hand, aimed and shot four times. The shots hit so close together on the mark's head that it rather seemed like one hole in the paper. Without pausing she changed the gun to her right hand, repeated everything and then did it again with her left hand. Playfully she spun the gun in her hand and turned around. "You were saying?"

"You're pretty smug for someone so small," the Winter Soldier mused, stepped closer and took the spinning gun from her hand. "Let's see if we can change that."

"You don't like me smug?"

"My opinion in this case is not important," he answered without looking at her but continued to rummage through the weapon's closet.

"So you _don't_ like me being smug." Natalia leant against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest, watching him with a smirk.

The Soldier sighed. "It's more important what Madame thinks of you. And she doesn't like smug." He held a rifle out to her.

"Spoilsport," Natalia muttered but accepted it nevertheless and reclaimed her former position, placing the rifle against her shoulder.

The Soldier smiled fleetingly. "How often have you shot a rifle?" he asked, stepping closer again.

Natalia scoffed. "Ever tried to hide a rifle beneath a skin-tight dress? So no, not too often."

"I can tell." He stepped closer even, the front of his body touching he back as he adjusted her hold on the weapon. "Let me show you."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"What's your name?" Natalia asked, turning in his embrace and pushing a stray strand of hair out of his face.

The Soldier frowned. "My name?"

"Well, everyone's calling you the Winter Soldier but you have a real name, right? Like mine's Natalia."

"I… I don't remember." He squeezed his eyes shut as if dealing with a sudden headache and Natalia could feel his whole body go rigid. "I don't know."

She gently massaged his neck, waiting for him to calm down again. It didn't matter that he held her so tight that his fingers would leave marks. She knew his brain had been tinkered with just as she herself had been subdued to re-education. The only thing Natalia could do was to give him time.

Finally, his breathing deepened again and he rested his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Natalia answered whisperingly. "I probably shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's… it's a valid question." The Soldier let go of her and turned on his back. It was silent until he turned back towards the redhead beside him. "Which name would you give me? If you had to choose."

Natalia sat up, the sheets pooling around her, and edged closer to look directly in his eyes as if she was trying to look into his soul. Minutes passed without either of them speaking. "Yasha," Natalia said finally. "You look like a Yasha."

"Yasha," the Soldier repeated, testing the name. "I like it."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"What's wrong with you?" Natalia asked, flinging the hair pins on the little table. "Mission's done, I got everything I should from that guy. So what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," Yasha growled and forcefully pushed the mag back in his gun.

"Well, to me you look like you'd have one." Natalia threw the pumps at a place beside the door. "So either you spit it out or I have to punch it out of you."

Yasha hit one of the walls with his metal hand. "I hate what you had to do to gain the information. How he looked at you. how he _touched_ you. I wanted to rip his throat out for it." His voice was growling quietness, sounding all the more dangerous.

"But that's exactly what I'm trained to do, Yasha! That's how I work."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it." He turned towards her, touching her face with his human hand. "I don't want any other man touching you like I do. You deserve better than that. You deserve the world."

"What are you talking about?" Confusion shone clear in her eyes when Natalia returned his gaze, grasping his hand. "What do you mean?"

"We could leave," he proposed, his voice all serious. "Just leave everything behind and start somewhere new all over. With our training we would find work everywhere."

Natalia scoffed disbelievingly and shook her head. "You really are serious about that, aren't you? They will kill us, Yasha. They will kill you and make me watch it before they end me, too. Or erase everything we have with just a few of their buttons."

"Wouldn't that risk be worth it? Think about it, Nat. You and me together, living wherever we'd like to. Making our own decisions, our own life. I don't care who I once was as long as I can be your Yasha."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natalia fought tooth and nail against the men that were dragging her down the hallway but the drug in her system was already working. Otherwise, those men would be long dead. She didn't know where Yasha was. After the tranquilizer arrow had hit her and slowly put out her lights she hadn't seen him again. She could only hope he was okay.

The men pushed open a metal door Natalia only knew too well and wrangled her into the chair behind it. Then they cuffed her thoroughly and attached several pads to her body, ripping her clothes open.

"He'll kill you for that," Natalia threatened, throwing all care to the wind. "Painfully. And I will gladly help him."

"I wouldn't be so sure, Natalia," Madame retorted by entering the room. "By now he probably does not even remember your pretty face and definitely not his foolish emotions towards you. I taught you love is for children, did I not?"

"You were wrong. You lied!"

"Those feelings caused you to forget your place in the world. Forget what we raised you to be. Forget your duties towards the motherland. Normally we would just kill you, but you are promising, Natalia. Our greatest creation ever. So we will need to correct your latest missteps."

The needle of a syringe pierced her skin and the room started to spin around her. Soon Natalia couldn't grasp his name anymore and then his face started to get muddled until she couldn't remember it anymore.

The next day, the only thing she only dimly remembered just before sleep came was a pair of blue eyes beneath a brown shock of hair.

* * *

 **2\. A/N It's not exactly a happy ending at ths point but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. Again, if you have any wishes, just let me know :)**


	64. Rain (030)

**A/N Hello guys and welcome back. I brought you a oneshot with some bonding between Nat and Tony although my arm itches like hell! (new tattoo, but it's healing well. But it itches and I can't scratch it because it could [would] ruin it.). I hope you like it as much as the other ones.**

Guest: Thank you very much! And yeah, I got it ;) if you like Red Rom chapters and would like to see a certain setting I haven't written yet just drop me a line and I'll work on something ;)

Invader Johnny: I don't know, to be honest. Sometimes it might be better to remember nothing at all than just a fraction. If one remembers nothing, he or she can't miss anything, right?

MaRiA.Z.A: I think you're right; especially Fury's 'death' would have been devastating. Well, even more. So thank you very much. I haven't watched Thor3 yet (but I definitely plan to!), but don't worry about spoilering that part; the trailers already suggested as much, I guess. And yes, I feel slightly guilty. Maybe more than slightly. But he could have find a phone, couldn't he? ;)

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much, I'll do just that :) Pepper's missing in this one, but I'll see what I can do about one of the next ones. Pinky promise.

* * *

Title: Rain (#30)

Characters: Natasha, Tony, feat. Clint

Word count: ~1,553

* * *

„Red's taking her sweet time getting our food," Tony remarked, his feet dangling over the edge of the sofa.

"Then why don't you go looking where she is? I'm hungry." Theatrically, Clint let his head loll back and groaned. "I'm starving and too weak to move."

"Obviously, you have enough strength left to complain so I'm sure you can move and find our creepy assassin." Tony directed his gaze towards the ceiling. "J, who went last time?"

"Agent Barton, sir."

Tony frowned. "Really? And before that? Sure it was me."

"No sir, I have to disagree. You never went to look for Agent Romanoff should she take longer. Plus, you never went to get take-out in the first place over the course of the last seventeen months."

Clint sighed blissfully. "I'd high-five that guy if I could."

Tony scrunched up his nose as he looked outside. "But it's raining."

"Indeed, sir. I would advise to take an umbrella if you want to avoid getting wet."

"Your sympathy is touching, J." Tony got up, ignored Clint's smug grin and put on shoes and a jacket before he took an umbrella. The elevator brought him down to the lobby. Though Stark Tower was never really empty – some people even stayed the weekends – the lobby seemed deserted. New York was grey behind the large glass panes; all color had been washed away by the rain. Tony shuddered at the thought of going outside but went nevertheless. Still, one would think that a master spy-slash-assassin knew how to use a phone or get take-out home in time to keep everyone from starving. Maybe something _had_ happened to Red, after all.

Tony knew which streets Natasha preferred so he avoided the all too crowded ones. At least he hadn't to climb on some roofs. Halfway to his goal he noticed a figure kneeling near a dumpster. Only because of a stray red lock that had escaped from the hood and clung now to the wet skin he knew that it was Natasha.

"Ahem, Red? What'cha doing there?"

"Sh!" Natasha almost lied flat on her stomach now. "Damnit, I almost had him."

"Had whom?"

She moved to sit back on her heels and looked at him "Help me and move the dumpster."

Tony sighed exasperatedly but obliged. He had already learned that once Natasha set her mind to do something, next to no one could talk her out of it. He put his shoulder against the side of the dumpster and pushed, groaning with the effort. Why hadn't he brought his suit? The rain was running down his face and dripping into his neck since he couldn't hold the umbrella _and_ push the dumpster.

Suddenly Natasha darted forward, catching a little black bundle of fur and wrapped it gently in her jacket. "It's alright. I'll bring you to a safe place, I promise."

Tony picked up the umbrella and held it over both Natasha and himself before he took a closer look at the bundle in her arms. It was a kitten, fur completely soaked and shaking like a leaf. "How did you know it was there?"

"I saw his mother get run over; he was close with her. Then he was running here and calling for his mother, I suppose. I couldn't leave him there." Her gaze met his for a moment and Tony saw that there was a lot she didn't tell him. Something that probably related to a childhood in the Siberian cold. She held the furball a little tighter and slowly her warmth seemed to calm him down.

At first, Tony wanted to protest, simply because it was kinda expected of him. But then he saw the kitten's scared eyes and the pitifully wet fur. He saw how Natasha held him. How old was she even? Right in this moment she looked incredibly young. He just couldn't. "Then we'll have to bring him to the Tower, get him dry and fed."

Natasha smirked at him, but Tony caught a glimpse of the relief in her eyes. Probably only because she was let him see it. "What about your rule that no animals are allowed in your precious Tower?"

"That's just so Spangles won't drag in _everything_ he's stumbling over. Plus, I really don't want to fight you over a helpless kitten." Tony frowned. "You know what? Scratch that. I don't want to fight you over _anything_."

"Except the vodka."

"Except the vodka," he confirmed.

"Are you getting soft?" She grinned at him, gently stroking the kittens fur.

Tony grinned back. "Just as soft as a master assassin saving little kittens on the street."

She playfully bumped hum with her shoulder. "Let's go pick up our food and then head home. By now even _I_ am cold."

"What Barton's gonna say if you dump a kitten on him without asking?" Tony wanted to know, more than content with holding the umbrella while Natasha kept hold of the kitten.

Who now looked at him confused. "What's Clint got to do with that?"

"Well, aren't you two dancing the horizontal tango? Hiding his arrow? Getting nookie? You know, bow-chika-bow-wow?"

Natasha laughed straight at him. "You _do_ think we're a couple, don't you? Trust me, we're more than that. But getting a cat or not stays my decision and mine alone."

"Well, I noticed how Brucie looks at you," Tony continued. "He _was_ curious, but he'd find out what exactly they were besides close colleagues. Eventually. If he got lucky. "He doesn't like you working with the Big Guy but that's not because he doesn't trust you. Well, not solely."

"I know," Natasha answered simply. "Just the same reason why he doesn't want you to work with him. We're no gods or super soldiers. We break easily. But I think Bruce should trust himself and the Big Guy more; he doesn't give him enough credit."

"Guess it's hard to change the way you see yourself," Tony mused. He never had any illusions towards himself. Not really.

"It sure is," Natasha answered in a way that told Tony she knew what she was talking about. "But it's not impossible if you have the right people around you."

Reaching their regular Chinese take-out restaurant, Natasha chose to wait outside while Tony collected their food. By now the kitten had calmed, meowing pitifully every once in a while and thus causing Natasha to mutter soothing words.

Soon Tony joined her again and took the umbrella from her other hand. The rain had started to cease but couldn't just yet decide on stopping at all. "Do you even know how to take care of an animal?" Tony asked honestly curious while they headed home, encouraged by her openness so far.

"Can't be harder than taking care of you boys," Natasha answered but after a moment she sighed. "I had a dog when I was a child. It's been long ago." Though the answer seemed honest, Tony suspected more. But he didn't want to push his luck. Not when she was really talking with him, not just bickering.

"You can pretend the little beast was a dog," he proposed instead with a grin, trying to get the lightness of their conversation back. "Already have an idea for a name?"

"Not yet." She eyed him curiously, clearly surprised he hadn't asked for further information. "Would you have an idea?"

"For a name?" Tony asked to buy more time. "Well, Shir Khan has a certain ring to it, hasn't it? Lilith sounds nice but it's rather girlish. Blacky is boring. Naming's not exactly my thing."

"You named all your inventions."

"Yeah, well, you met Dum-E and U… not very nice. The Ironman suits are all a Mark of some sorts. And Jarvis means Just Another Rather Very Intelligent System. Quite a mouthful."

"That's what Jarvis means? Really?" Natasha smirked at him.

"Tony shrugged. "Aside from a certain emotional value you surely already know of, of course."

"No," Natasha answered, surprising him again with her honesty. "I didn't know there was an emotional reason behind Jarvis' name. Just because there's a file about you doesn't mean it contains everything there is to know about you. I can't look inside your head, Tony. No one can. Except there's magic involved."

"You're sure? Because sometimes it sure looks like you could."

Natasha gifted him with an open smile. "That's because in most situations you and other people are too easy to read. You wear your heart on your sleeve for the world to see. Or at least that part of the world that's looking. No magic involved on my side."

They continued to walk in silence while the rain kept splattering on their umbrella. "Ember," Tony finally said.

"Who's Amber?"

"Not Amber. Ember. A name for the little fur ball. He's coal black, you have fiery hair. Coal and fire equals Ember." He shrugged. "You know, forget it. It's a stupid idea."

"No," Natasha said quickly, looking done at the kitten. For a second it looked like she was even nuzzling his fur. But the Black Widow didn't cuddle, did she? "I like it."

"Good." Tony smiled. "But don't think I'll tolerate that little devil in my workshop."

Natasha bumped him again with her shoulder. "Don't worry. I bet Ember has enough sense of self-preservation to not go there."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope that wasn't too far-fetched but if so I hope you liked it. I could give you a teaser for next week, but I _do_ like to surprise you. Hmm... okay, just a little hint, yeah? Bruce Banner will return to this collection after I neglected him for so long. (Again. Sorry Bruce. Sorry Big Guy. Sorry readers.) And I promise there will be a nice ending, though I don't guarantee for the beginning. Or the middle part. Well, you know what I mean...**


	65. Coward (111)

**A/N *coughs and kicks the dirt with her foot* Hey guys, I know I'm late. Like, pretty late. I spend the weekend with my grandparents and I completely forgot to bring a laptop to post the newest chapter. So, yeah. Anyway, it's here and a longer one, so I hope you enjoy!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! I'm pretty unsure about my depiction of Tony most of the time so it's nice to read that I do him justice. I've been panning to do one of Nat's time as his assistant for a while, maybe I should try that soon.

Invader Johnny: Because that's the thing she'd do ;)

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much. I think they are pretty similar in some regards which causes them to be able to be open around one another.

Vivienne: Thanks a lot. Yeah, in my mind she's rather a dog's person (maybe because I'm not too overly fond of cats) but I can imagine her taking care of a cat. Which probably wrecks just as much havoc as she does... I'd love to continue that storyline. I thought of Nat bringing Steve with her to that village to meet Maria and show him around but if you have another idea, I'm all ears.

* * *

Title: Coward (#111)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce, feat. Clint

Word count: ~2.050

* * *

"The dead stay dead," she whispered, her voice betraying her desperation even to those ears unfamiliar with her. Her eyes _begging_ him to give them a chance.

"Not to me."

And it was those three words that broke her heart, shattering it like a fragile figurine. Natasha gulped, struggling to keep her feelings under control. She would _not_ cry in front of him.

But of course he had to make it worse. "I think we missed our window."

"No shit." She broke away from his touch, the same touch that made her knees tremble and her heart beat faster. Without another word she vanished into the bathroom and shut the door to the one man who managed to crawl under her skin. Suddenly, the emotional exhaustion broke way. Revisiting the Red Room, though only in her mind, and now this stupid fight with Bruce… her body refused to act like everything was okay anymore. A shiver that didn't stem from the temperature shook her slightly and Natasha pulled the bathrobe closer around her while she slid down the door and sat on the floor, her back leaning against the smooth wooden door. She couldn't, _wouldn't_ cry. A Black Widow didn't cry; she was supposed to be cold and strong. To not care about what one man was thinking about her. And still, a quiet sob shook her shoulders and she pressed the back of her hand against her mouth to muffle any sounds. Using breathing techniques she had learned ages ago, Natasha finally managed to calm herself and went showering.

She did it quickly since Bruce did use up all the warm water and then went straight to her room. She didn't want to see any of her teammates or talk with anyone about what had happened. She just wanted to be alone.

Obviously, Clint hadn't gotten that memo for he knocked gently on her door not half an hour later. "Nat, you in there? Laura made a snack so everyone can eat a bite. It'll be some time until dinner."

"I'm not hungry," Natasha answered, not bothering to open her door.

The silence told her Clint had no intention of leaving her yet again. "You should eat something. And the kids are asking for you." A small pause before he continued even softer. "I'm worried about you, Nat. You shouldn't be alone after what that freak did to you."

For the fraction of a moment she wondered if he might e talking about Bruce but then she realized that Clint probably meant that Maximoff girl. "I need some time," she finally said. "I'll be down for dinner, I promise, but… I need a few minutes for me."

Clint took his time answering, silently debating his options. It felt like they were back to her early days at the farm, when she would close herself off, fighting her demons on herself. "Fine. But don't you dare fall back to old habits, understand? I'm here for you, okay? Whenever you need to talk, I _will_ listen. And if you don't come down for dinner, I'll drag you there myself."

"Understood." An unwanted little smile played her lips for a moment. "Thank you."

"Anytime." His steps distanced themselves again and Natasha was left behind in blissful quiet. The voice of the kids sounded through the house and every now and then the plumbing was to be heard.

Some time later, it knocked at her door again. But this time it wasn't Clint. "Natasha? Are you in there?"

When she didn't respond, Bruce carefully opened the door but quick as a cat Natasha slammed it shut again and leant against it. "Go away."

"I… I think we should talk. Please, Natasha?"

"I said _go away_. I don't want to talk to you." She sat down with her back against the door and pulled her knees close to her body to rest her forehead atop them.

A soft thump told her that Bruce hat sat down, too. "Then how about I do the talking and you just listen?" When she didn't respond after a while he continued, his voice soft. "After the accident, I knew I was dangerous to those around me. With the Hulk lurking just beneath the surface I wasn't safe to be around. I… I had a girlfriend bac then. Betty. You probably know about her. I guess you haven't met but she… she is a lot like you in some regards. Like you, she didn't think the Other Guy would be a danger to her. Like you, she was sure he'd recognized her to speak. "And? Did he hurt her?"

"No," Bruce answered after a while. "But it was close. Or it looked very close from my perspective. So I did the only thing I could to protect her. I left."

"I'm no civilian," Natasha objected, still refusing to open the door. "He recognizes me when I'm working with him. When we do the lullaby. By now he trusts me. Maybe even more than you do."

"That's not fair, Natasha. You know I trust you. With not coaxing me to work for SHIELD. With not forcing me into the field. With not exploiting his abilities."

"But you don't trust me to survive being near you. And you don't trust me being serious with you. With my feelings towards you."

It was silent for some time until the sound of Bruce leaning his head against the door reverberated through the wood. "Can you really fault me for that? For failing to believe that a woman like you could honestly like me for who I am?"

Natasha scoffed. "A woman like me? You mean a spy? Look, if you only want to insult me then you're free to leave. I'm not in the mood to be told how bad a person I am. Not today."

Bruce chuckled mirthlessly. "That's not what I meant. You're a smart and beautiful woman. You have humour and you're fearless. I've never met someone to fascinate and irk me at the same time like you do. Plus, the Other Guy likes you too and that's saying a lot. But-" He cut himself and Natasha could hear the desperation in his voice when he continued. "But the only thing I can give you for sure is death and destruction."

"You said it yourself, the Big Guy likes me. The working lullaby is proof enough."

Now Bruce sounded just tired. "After today I'm not so sure anymore. What the girl showed us… it set him off instantly. I'm not convinced he would have recognized you in that state. What if that happens again? What if one day he doesn't recognize you, doesn't react to the lullaby and you get hurt? Or even killed?" His voice broke with the last word.

"You're a bloody coward, Banner." Natasha opened the door so briskly that Bruce almost fell against her. "You don't understand, do you? Taking such a risk for _love_ out of everything… That's new for me. That's something I was told I could never have. But I'm willing to take that risk because I believe that what I'm feeling for you is real. Because I hope you see more than the spy or the agent. Because I thought you'd seen _me_. And I see you."

Within her first few words Bruce had scrambled to his feet and now he made a tentative step towards her. "I _do_ see you. And I trust you to see beyond the scientist and the monster. But I don't want you to get hurt. I'd never forgive myself."

"Then don't leave. Don't end this before I had the chance to fuck it up royally. I realize we have different opinions concerning some points but it would… suck if those were the reason to end this."

Bruce shook his head and stepped nearer, gently cupping her cheek in his palm. "You're unbelievable. I don't know what I did to deserve you."

Natasha smiled, leaning into his touch. "Probably collected some bad karma."

~#~#~#~#~#~

He knew she knew he'd been watching her for a few minutes now, frozen in shock over what was happening in their bedroom. But Natasha chose to ignore him, piling clothes over clothes in a duffel bag. The second one, he noticed. Another bag was already full to the brim and zipped up.

"Fury assigned you a new mission?" he finally asked, knowing all too well that those were too many clothes for a mission, no matter how long.

Natasha stopped for a moment, then continued to clear out their closet of her possessions as if she hadn't heard him.

"Natasha?"

"I've been compromised," she finally said curtly, her voice all too collected.

Bruce frowned when he saw the slight shaking of her hands. "What does that mean?"

Frustrated Natasha threw in another shirt; a green one he had gifted her because it was the same colour as her eyes. Natasha joked it was because sometimes she acted like the Hulk. "It's my fault Tony got hurt today."

The frown on his forehead deepened. "How so?"

Steve wanted to call you in, decided we needed the Big Guy's help. I talked him out of it. Because I know how you hate the fighting, because I didn't want to put you through the pain of transformation. Tony got hurt because I wanted to protect you and I… I love you but they are my family. The whole team is. I can't let you be my weakness so they get hurt. And I shouldn't be your weakness." She zipped the second bag close and finally turned around, ready to leave.

But Bruce didn't move. "Why is the only solution that you leave and end all of this? All of us?"

"Because it's the right thing to do. I can't protect both my lover and my team."

"Who says I need protection?" Anger started to simmer in his veins but Bruce pushed it down. Not helpful. "I can't get hurt, Natasha. I can't get _killed_. Yes, the transformation hurts and I still think the field's no place for the Hulk but Steve knows all of that. And he only calls the Other Guy in when it's really necessary. That's the deal we struck up." Then realization hit him. "This isn't about me, is it? You're afraid. Afraid of being in a relationship that's more serious than everything you've experienced before."

Natasha avoided his eyes for a microsecond but that was everything he needed to confirm his suspicions. "I don't do relationships," she answered. "I don't know how. There will come a day when I fuck it up badly and then it'll be too late because you've invested so much in this. In us. It'll hurt more than if I just end it now."

"And throw all possible outcomes away just because you're scared? That's cowardly, Nat." He shook his head, sighing. "What makes you think you'd fuck it up?"

"Because that's who I am." She gifted him with a wobbly, apologizing smile. "Sooner or later, everything I touch falls apart. I will say or to the wrong thing and send you running."

"What do you think me? An expert in relationships?" He chuckled. "I was a literal eremite before we started this. The longest relationship I ever had was with science." Bruce gently, carefully moved to touch her cheek, coaxing her into looking at him again. "I'm scared too. Everyday. Scared to lose you. That you could be the one to seriously get hurt because I couldn't bring myself to fight. I'm scared I could lose you because I do something stupid or spend too much time in the lab when I should be spending time with you. That's part of the deal. But it's no reason to be a coward. And you might be a lot of things, Natasha, but you're no coward."

"What about the team? I brought them in danger today. Unnecessarily."

Bruce shrugged. "It was a mistake. It happens. As long as we're honest to one another and _talk_ about such decisions, I think we'll be fine. And Tony's been through worse, believe me. He'll survive a concussion."

Natasha hesitated a moment longer. Then she smiled timidly. "You're helping unpacking those?"

Bruce kissed her relieved. "It'll be a pleasure."

* * *

 **2\. A/N See? Happy ending :) I hope you liked this one and if not, feel free to tell me. Plus, there are still over fifty oneshots left, so if you have any wishes, don't be afraid to drop me a line or two. I'm happy to comply ;)**


	66. Covet (103)

**A/N Yes, this is a fast update but I wanted to return to the usual schedule so that's two chapters this week. I hope you enjoy!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Well, you don't have to. Lucky for you, not all my oneshots contain Brutasha.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much. Yes, I think it's because both have a hard past that they can be so understanding with one another.

Vivienne: Like, never never? :D There are some left until we reach the end of this collection and then I'll just see what I start next, alright? But I'm very happy you like them so much, thank you! I'm also curious what'll happen next (still not convinced Nat is going to take him back, to be honest)

wavingthroughawindow: I understand that sentiment, since I also needed some time to warm up with this pairing because of the exact same reason: it really surprised me in AOU. But I'm glad you like my version, which, frankly, just gives the two of them some more room to evolve their relationship ;)

Invader Johnny: Ironic is alright with me ;)

* * *

Title: Covet (#103)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Maria

Word count: ~1.872

* * *

Natasha held Steve's hand a little tighter when they neared the village. The wind bit cold into her cheeks and fresh snowflakes powdered her hat. They had left the quinjet outside the village; Natasha hadn't wanted to scare anyone and she wanted Steve to enter it like she had done the first time, so he got the chance to take a look around.

"You didn't tell me it would be that cold," he murmured and suppressed a shiver.

She grinned at him. "Says the guys sleeping in ice for seventy years. I'm sure the arctic is colder than a little Russian snow."

"I wouldn't be so sure," he answered, his eyes darting about and taking in their surroundings. The little houses leaning with the wind. The snow swirling around them. The vast landscape lurking behind the village, beautiful and deadly at once. Not for the first time he wondered what Natasha wanted to show him here.

"This way." Her soft voice was barely audible over the wind but he followed the pull of her hand when she suddenly turned left. Though he'd never been here, he recognized the place for what it was: a graveyard.

"Natasha?" Why did she bring him to a graveyard in the middle of the Russian nowhere? Why all this secrecy? Even after all those years he knew her now, he still hated how seemingly easily she kept secrets from him.

She stopped in front of a stone that looked no different from the rest. Letting go of his hand, she stepped forward and gently brushed some snow off it. Then Natasha returned to his side, gripping his hand again and leaning against his shoulder. "I wanted to introduce you to my parents. Sort of. That's why we're here."

"You're parents?" Steve repeated dumbfounded, before realization lit up his face and he took a closer look at their names. "That's what you were doing while I was looking for Bucky, right?"

Natasha nodded. "Wasn't easy. SHIELD didn't have as much intel as I had hoped and I had to look at other places. But I wanted to see the place where everything started. Where I had been just a child. And I wanted to show you, too. Especially after your tour through Brooklyn." She was silent for a moment. Then she let go of his hand just so she could slip under his arm and press into his side. "We lived over there," she finally added, pointing somewhere to there right. "I was four when our house burned down. Somehow I made it out. And then Ivan took care of me before I entered the Red Room."

Her voice had been low, not betraying any emotions. But Steve knew her well enough to press her closer to his side. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm sorry your childhood had been cut so short. But how do you know all of this? Do you remember?"

"Not everything. Most things are still blurry. Some people helped me, told me stories. People I would like you to meet if you're up for it."

"I'd love to. But my Russian's not that great."

"I know." She grinned at him, a spark in her eyes he hadn't seen for a long time.

Steve smiled at that before he sobered up again. "Do you remember your parents?"

Natasha shrugged, leaning into him, chasing his warmth. "Bits and pieces. I remember a song my mother, Jekaterina, must have sung to me when I was little. And how her hair tickled me when she kissed me goodnight. I remember how Mikael, my father used too swing me up, letting me feel like I was flying. And how big I felt, being carried on his shoulders." She looped her arm around his waist and guided him back to the main street. They walked in silence for a while, until they stopped in front of a rather small house at the edge of the village. "A small pile of firewood leant against the wall near the front door and smoke rose from the chimney.

Without hesitation, Natasha knocked against the door. It opened instantly, as if the little old woman had waited behind it. She pulled Natasha in a bone-crushing embrace. "Natalia, at last. I was worried the storm would keep you from coming," she welcomed her in Russian.

Natasha returned her smile and answered in kind. "You know nothing could keep me from visiting." Then she switched to English and grabbed Steve's hand. "Maria, this is my fiancé, Steve Rogers. Steve, this is Maria. She knew me as child and watched over me when my parents needed me out of their way."

"It's a pleasure, Ma'am," Steve added, too stunned to react when Maria pulled him in an embrace, too.

"American, hm? Well, I'm happy Natalia has found a man as strong as you are to keep care of her," she replied in heavily accented English. "Come on in now. The tea's ready and I've got something to show you."

After an encouraging smile of Natasha, Steve followed inside where he was quickly pushed into a chair, a steaming cup of tea right in front of him. Natasha sat down beside him, immediately shedding her coat and her hat before reaching for the biscuits. "You shouldn't have, Maria."

"I know you like them," Maria said by way of answering and joined them at the table, a small box in her hands. "Ivan couldn't come. His gout has become worse but he sent me something for you." She rummaged through the box until she had a small stack of photographs in her hand.

"When you hear of him again, tell him the little one said hi," Natasha requested with a fond smile. She then turned to Steve. "Ivan took care of me. He _had_ been a part of the Red Room, but he has a heart. I was too young when he took me in to enroll but instead of dropping me off somewhere he took care of me. Later he was my handler for some time, then, when I ran my missions, he often was my contact. He always made sure I was alright."

Steve met her gaze confused. "So… He kidnapped you to bring you to the Red Room but he's still family?"

"That's the gist of it," Natasha confirmed with a lopsided smile.

"Here." Maria spread the photos in front of them. "Your parents." She pointed to a photo on the left, showing the faces of a dark blonde man and a woman whose hair showed traces of red.

"What were they like?" Natasha asked, carefully picking up the photo to take a closer look.

"Your father was a hard man. Not cruel, but hard. Like life had dealt him one too many blows and he didn't dare to laugh anymore because life could notice him being happy and turn everything around again. But I know he never hurt you or your mother; you two were what kept him grounded." Maria smiled faintly. "And Jekaterina… she seemed incredibly young when they first came here. She once told me she had been a dancer at the Bolshoi Theatre and she moved with a certain elegance. Quiet. Graceful. Very quick. She scared me more than once because I hadn't heard her coming. But she was gentle. And completely over the moon when she learned she was pregnant with you."

Steve made to take another picture, one that showed the pair with a little, red-haired girl that sat on her father's shoulders, her cheek resting on the top of his head. Another showed the little family in the snow, the girl running excitedly while the parents followed at a slower pace. A smile played Steve's lips, seeing Natasha as a joyful child. "Are there any siblings?"

Maria shook her head. "No. Jekaterina was pregnant before, when they just came here. But she lost the child soon after their arrival; maybe the journey here had been too strenuous. Though she claimed coming from Moscow, neither Mikael nor her had anything more with them aside from the clothes they wore and a small bag. I guess that's why she was so happy when little Natalia here was on her way." She smiled a fond smile in direction of the redhead which vanished again quickly. "Just a few weeks before the fire, Natalia told me proudly that her mother expected a little sister for her."

"My mother was pregnant when the fire happened?" Natasha asked quietly and looked up. "I didn't know that."

"Nobody knew, really. I think not even your father. Jekaterina was afraid the child would not make it past the first trimester and she wanted to spare him the disappointment if so. How you came to know it, I don't know."

Steve gently bumped Natasha with his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood again. "She's still good at finding out stuff she's not supposed to know."

A fleeting smile danced over her lips. "You just suck at hiding stuff." Natasha looked down at the photos before searching Maria's gaze again. "Would it be alright if I took some photos with me? I never owned ones of my family."

Maria smiled at her and took her hand. "I insist on you taking them with you. All of them." She pushed another photo at Natasha, showing a man older than her father with the same redhaired girl sitting on his lap while he read a book to her. The girl seemed asleep, her head resting against the man's chest.

"That's Ivan," Natasha said, a fond smile on her lips. "I remember that book. It was the only children's book he had and he always read it to me when I couldn't sleep. Over and over. God, that's been so long ago." She showed the photo to Steve, propping one elbow on the table and leaning her head in her hand. With the other hand she lightly tapped on the boo shown on the picture. "I hated that book but I loved him reading it to me. I don't know why, to be honest. Maybe because it reminded me of home."

"You seem to trust him," Steve noted with half a smile.

"I did. And I guess I still do." Natasha turned to Maria again. "Why won't you tell me where he's living?"

"Because he told me not to tell you."

"You're afraid of him."

"Yes," Maria confirmed without hesitation. "And I think he has his reasons even if he doesn't tell me."

Natasha snorted. "I'm sure he does." She looked another long time at the photos, smiling at some and grew serious at others. "Thank you for giving me those, Maria. You cannot fathom how much they mean to me."

"It's alright, Natalia. It's the least I can do."

Steve laid an arm around Natasha's shoulders, pulled her close and gently kissed the crown of her head. "I guess we have someone to find when we get home, don't we?" He didn't need to like this Ivan-guy but the fact that Natasha liked him well enough and obviously wanted to see him again was all he cared about.

"I guess we do," Natasha answered, gratitude written all over her features.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? I _think_ I worked through all of your prompts so far (except the one with Tony, Pepper, Nat friendship, which is next on my to-do-list) so if there's _still_ anything missing from tis collection you'd like to read, just say so. Whether it's a continuation of a previous chapter, a rather vague idea or a clear prompt, I accept everything as long as it fits the rating ;) Happy weekend to you guys and until next week!**


	67. Standing Still (042)

**A/N Guys. Guys! Seen the new trailer already? Man, I'm hyped and I hope our darlings survive this mess...**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! I put your prompt on my list and will work on it ;) Just after seeing the trailer there's another chapter I just gotta do first.

wavingthroughawindow: Thanks a lot! Your first prompt may appear in the next chapter in bits and pieces, so keep your eyes open. I already did one with Nat and Bruce that I'd settle after Thor 3 but sure! On Monday I'll finally watch that movie, so I'm prepared.

Vivienne: Thank you very much. I'm not planning on ripping you away from Brutasha shippers (especially since I do like this ship once in a while), but I'm glad you're enjoying the other one's, too.

Invader Johnny: Well, it's about damn time she's finding out, right?

Havibu: The chapter asked for that reference, really ;) I'm happy yu enhoy this collection, if you have any wishes fell free to tell me.

* * *

Title: Standing Still (#42)

Characters: Natasha, Tony, Pepper

Word count: ~1,276

* * *

Natasha hadn't really left the building where the hearing had taken place when her phone chimed. With a sigh at the sight of the caller ID, she accepted the call. "What do you want, Stark?"

"Ouch. Is that a way to greet a fellow Avenger? Your former boss?" came the easy reply. "Right, you never really worked for me. How does it feel mouthing off to some senators? Having fun?"

"Actually, no," Natasha answered and strode to her motorbike before all those reporters could follow her.

"Then you're not doing it right. Look, Natalie, I have an offer to make you can't refuse."

"You're sure about that?" Natasha swung her leg over the bike and took the helmet in one hand, ready to end the call and put it on. "Stark, I really need to get going, so…"

"Yeah, alright. Look, why don't you come over for dinner and I'll explain everything? I know you probably have a place to lay low so I'm not offering a place to hide unless you need one. Just dinner between colleagues. And friends, since Pepper will be there, too. You don't have to accept anything, just listen. Do we have a deal?"

Natasha sighed, closing her eyes for a moment and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Fine. I'll be there by seven."

"Peachy. We'll be waiting," Tony answered way too chipper for her liking before hanging up. Natasha sighed again and pulled the helmet over her head, then kicked the bike to life. Time to wish a certain Captain goodbye and give him a little parting gift.

~#~#~#~#~#~

It was seven o'clock sharp when the elevator dinged and opened towards the living quarters of Tony and Pepper. The latter had obviously been waiting by the door to welcome her. "Natasha! It seems like an eternity we have last met."

Natasha smiled involuntarily. "I had a lot to do. And I'm sure it hasn't been that long," she answered, returning the other woman's hug rather stiffly; she still hated hugs. "It's nice to be back. I'm glad you managed to renovate the Tower after the Chitauri."

"Good as new with a lot of changes. I'll give you the tour later."

"Natashalie! Glad you could fit us in your spy-schedule," Tony greeted her with a wink and uninvitedly put a glass of red wine in her hands. "You're hungry? I hope you're hungry. We settled on sushi, hope that's alright with you. In that file you dumped I couldn't find any allergies or stuff."

"Tony!" Pepper rolled her eyes at him.

"Right, too soon."

"Sushi's fine," Natasha said quickly, trying to prevent any bicker between the couple. "What's that offer you were talking about earlier?"

"Sit down first, alright?" With one hand on the small of her back he guided Natasha to the dining room and pulled out a chair for her.

She sat down with an eyeroll, sipped at her wine and looked pointedly at Tony. "Spill."

"Okay, first things first. I'd like to offer you my legal department should those senators keep trying to chew your ass. And I won't accept a no, not in this case. Trust me, those guys will love to work on something else than defamation of police officers and stuff for a change."

Natasha stopped for a second, one California roll halfway to her mouth. "That's very generous," she said finally. "But-"

"No but," Pepper objected before Tony could even open his mouth. "I know you're good with your words but sarcasm and smartassery can only get you so far. The lawyers will box you out of everything and you don't have to worry about further hearings or a following trial. I mean, you sure have enough on your plate." She looked at Natasha sympathetically. "We heard what happened to the Director."

"I really don't wanna talk about Fury now."

"Just know that if you want to talk, I'm here for you."

Tony raised his glass. "To the scariest man with an eyepatch I've ever met."

"To Nick," Natasha added with half a smile. She knew it would bite her in the ass once Tony and Pepper found out Fury was still alive ad she had known it all along but for now it was better than this. Tony wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for too long and frankly, it shouldn't be his secret to tell. "And thank you for offering your legal department. I guess they are way over my budget so I don't know how to ever repay you."

Pepper smiled at her in a way that made Natasha think of the hardass business woman she could be. "I'm glad you're asking. As it is, my PA resigned last week after constantly making a mess out of my calendar. I need a replacement I can trust to handle everything that's thrown at her."

Natasha rolled her eyes and set the chopsticks aside. "I know exactly what you want me to do. I can't, Pepper. I'd love to but… with SHIELD down and everything… I have to find out who I am. What _I_ want. Who I am without an agency. It's… not a situation I haven't been in before but I'd like things to go differently than last time."

"I'm not planning on forcing you," Pepper said, switching from CEO to friend so fast Natasha would have missed it had she blinked. "But maybe something to take your mind off things isn't the worst decision right now. Maybe this also helps you with your question o who you are and what you want."

"There's something else, isn't there?" Tony scrutinized the redhead closely. "You might be a world-class spy but I worked with you enough to know you have your tells."

Natasha hesitated. She didn't _need_ Tony's help per se now that every single file SHIELD – and HYDRA – had ever owned was out there on the internet for the world to see but maybe he or JARVIS saw something she didn't notice. "I'm kinda on a mission. One I gave myself," she began. "I want to find out where I was born. Who my parents were. Now that I'm free of duties and have intel at hand, I can finally look for them. And if you'll ever tell anyone about that, I'm gonna find you, Stark."

It was silent for a heartbeat. "I could help you. In your free time when Pepper doesn't need you, that is. And you'd have to drag me out of the workshop." Tony shrugged.

"I can't accept that, Tony."

"You can and you will. Just as the job offer. You'll need some financial back-up for travelling and stuff Your accounts have probably been frozen for as long as the hearings continue. Might as well spend your time with us."

Natasha didn't tell her there were a lot more accounts she had access to under the many other personas she had adopted over time that even SHIELD had had no knowledge of. "Alright. But I can leave whenever I want to or need to. And I'll only work for Pepper."

"Hey! I bet you liked it. And without being my PA you'd never gotten to shoot my gauntlet."

"Doesn't compensate. Not even close." Natasha shook her head. "I did my share of nasty missions, but being your PA…"

Tony scoffed. "Now you're just being mean. Which means you're in a good mood, so go on. Stomp on my self-esteem as you like, I know I was a great boss. Right Pepper-Pot, darling?"

Pepper cleared her throat. "Natasha, why don't I show you the Tower? You should know your way around if you're working here."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope you got good in December and don't stress yourself out too much over presents. Stay safe and we'll see each other again next week.**


	68. Defile (031)

**A/N I _finally_ watched Thor 3 and well, what can I say? I think I pretty much laughed through most of the movie. This update is a little bit sooner since I don't know whether I'll be home in time tomorrow. So I hope you enjoy!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

Invader Johnny: Without any doubt: yes, she will. Curious she hasn't done it so far...

MaRiA.Z.A: Well, Tony's not a villain per se; it's all a question of perspective. And I like him to much to just see him as the narcisstic asshole. Thank you very much. I was thinking about putting the one-shots in order at my profile, like which are directly linked or which ones are settled in the same scenario.

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much :) Yeah, if you wanna write / read banter, aside from Clint Tony's a good choice. And here's your prompt of reflecting over the Civil War.

Vivienne: Nothing to thank me for, I'm glad you like my depiction of him. Thank you very much for liking it.

* * *

Title: Defile (#31)

Characters: Natasha, Steve

Word count: ~1,174

* * *

Natasha had been to a lot of places during her life, seen almost everything the world had to offer. Or so she had thought before entering Wakanda. A country that acted like it had nothing to offer aside from a little bit of a rare metal but was in truth just as developed as any industrialized nation – if not more so. And still it kept its landscape's beauties safe. Flowers, she had never seen. Stunning mountains that worked like a national barrier. Water so clear, Natasha would drink from it almost without a second thought. But she wasn't here to play tourist; maybe another time, if she had the chance to.

She appreciated the difficulty of getting onto the palace grounds unseen; at least Steve had chosen a safe place to hide. But not good enough to be hidden from her. Quickly she had found out where the guests were sleeping and made a quick detour to Clint's room to drop off some letters, before she continued to Steve's room. Natasha closed the door quietly behind her and took a look around. Some sketchbooks were lying on a table, neatly stacked. Notes and letters were much more unorganized, occupying a part of almost every flat surface. She took the upmost sketchbook from the pile and flipped it open. Sketches and drawings of the Wakandian landscape greeted her, a panther, some colourful birds. Clint practicing archery. Wanda reading. Barnes in a cryo-tank. T'Challa standing in front of a window, hands clasped behind his back. Then there were the others. Tony tinkering on something. Vision trying to cook. Rhodey and Pepper, talking animatedly. The young Parker, completely in awe in front of the Avengers facility. Bruce playing with his glasses while standing in front of a clipboard. Thor munching away on pop-tarts. And finally herself. Warming up for training. Braiding Lila's hair. Laughing with Maria at a bar. Sipping on a mug, a half-smile on her lips. Sitting on the roof, arms leant against the railing, the wind in her hair. Looking over her shoulder, clad in full tactical gear, a smirk on her lips that set a sparkle to her eyes.

Heavy steps from the other side of the door brought her back to the present. Quickly she put the sketchbook back on its place and took a seat in a luxurious armchair, facing the door. "Hello soldier," she greeted the entering man.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks. "Natasha!" Quickly he shut the door. "How… What…"

"How I got here? Plane and foot," she explained without telling much. "For a palace, security is deeply lacking."

"Honestly, it shouldn't surprise me." Steve shook his head and leant against the wall beside the door.

Natasha smiled non-comittingly. "I like your new look. Scruffy beard? Definitely works for you."

"Why are you here, Nat? It's a little late for _just_ a visit, isn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Steve shook his head again. "We could have needed your help here. We could have… Where have you _been_ after the airport?"

Natasha stood up, all playfulness wiped from her face. "Me? Oh, you know, the usual after one helps two fugitives escape. I've been on the run, Steve. From Ross and his stupid UN. All the while trying to keep a mother and her three children safe because her husband decided to stand in for what he believed in and it landed him in exile. I snuggled a scientist and a god over more borders than I care to count because neither was around when the Accords were signed. And you're asking why I haven't been to Wakanda sooner? A country whose king I shocked with an high enough voltage to stop a super soldier."

"Steve sighed and raised his hands apologetically. "I'm sorry Nat. It's been a rough time; for all of us." He looked at her more closely. "How have you been? You alright?"

Natasha threw him one last look, then her gaze softened. "You know I'm hard to kill. I haven't gotten to talk with Banner yet but from what I've gathered from Thor he can't exactly be blamed for not having written a postcard. What about you, Cap?"

"I'm not… I'm not Captain America anymore," he answered, running his fingers through his hair. "It just… It didn't seem right after what happened in Siberia."

"Yeah, Nomad, I heard what happened."

Now he looked directly at her. "I would have almost killed Tony. That's not something Captain America would do. Hurting a friend."

"It's still stupid to leave your shield behind. You'll need it soon enough."

"What do you mean?"

Natasha turned around, flopping back in the armchair. "It's a long story. The short version is we need to get the team back together. Tony send me here and-"

"Tony. Of course," Steve huffed, causing Natasha to raise an eyebrow. "So you're on his team and here to bring me to him?"

"I'm on no one's team but mankind, Rogers," Natasha returned heatedly. "And I wouldn't even be here if you would just answer the goddamn phone! Why did you give him a way of contacting you if you're not responding?"

Steve's shoulders sagged just a little. "I was ashamed," he answered in a whisper. "Of what I've done. Of what I almost had done. I was afraid of what he might tell me."

"You should _know_ he's too proud to just call you up. It's Tony we're talking about. Yes, he can hold a grudge, but he's not above pulling his shit together if he has to. And we're still family. At least I hope we are."

"I hope so, too." He was quiet for a while. "Still I feel like this rift in the team was because of me. If I had just _tried_ to find another way too keep Bucky safe… Maybe all this would have never happened." Steve sank to the ground, one knee pulled up and leant against the wall. "I feel like I disappointed Howard and Erskine and Peggy. Captain America shouldn't work against the law. I don't know if I can make it up."

"You listen now very closely, Steve Rogers: There is a giant purple alien on its way to collect the Infinity Stones – one of them is placed in Vision's forehead, by the way – and probably also destroy Earth just for the fun of it. So either you Bilbo it up now, gather your part of the team and put your ass into my quinjet by noon or you won't have to worry about anything that lies more that a few weeks in the future." She gripped the door handle tightly and looked down at him. "I know you're no coward, Steve. And if you want to hear my opinion… We all messed up. We all defiled what we swore to be to each other. Maybe it'll never be like it was before. Probably. But even if there never will be just _one_ team again, we need to protect this Earth. No matter the costs."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Someone caught the reference to one of my favourite fantasy authors? ;) I hoped you liked this little piece, so drop me a line if you have a minute or two. One little question: would you need me to order the oneshots on my profile so you have an overview of what belongs to which "universe" (though that sounds muuuuch bigger than it is) or are you fine? If someone has another idea for a prompt, I'll happily add it to my list ;)**


	69. Teamwork (041)

**A/N Hello guys! I'm sorry it took so long to update, the last weeks where just flying past and I couldn't find the time to write anything at all. I hope to stick true to my schedule again from now on. I hope you had great holidays and a good start into the new year.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

MaRiA.Z.A: If she'd amused you I reached my goal ;) Yeah, I hope she doesn't die, too. Maybe retires at the end of it all. Fingers are crossed! Thank you for your opinion on the timeline :)

Invader Johnny: Definitely! Especially against a guy like Thanos.

wavingthroughawindow: Well, someone has to tell Steve to get his shit together, right? I'm glad you liked it and yeah, I think they complement each other perfectly.

Vivienne: Oh yes, this she surely has mastered. Thank you very much.

303: Thank you very much! Sadly I don't speak Spanish, so I'll just answer in English ;) I hope to fulfill all 120 oneshots planned.

* * *

Title: Teamwork (#41)

Characters: Rogers family and Barton family

Word count: ~1,552

* * *

„Uncle Clint!" The little girl stormed towards the porch where Clint lifted her with a groan.

"You're getting to old for this stuff, Sarah." Still he held the girl in a tight hug before he returned her to the ground. "Nate's somewhere around the house if you wanna greet him."

"Is Lila home yet?"

Clint shook his head. "Still in school, like Cooper. But they should be back soon." He knew that his daughter was Sarah's personal superhero. Last time she had been at the farm, she pestered Laura long enough until she braided Sarah's hair in the same style as Lila's.

"Okay." Sarah darted off to look for Nathaniel, giving her parents the time to greet their old teammate as well.

"Hey Clint," Natasha said with a smile, hugging him tight. "Thanks for the invitation."

"You're welcome. I figured you needed some time away from the city. And from Fury."

"You have no idea." Steve grinned at him. "If we can repay you somehow, just tell."

Clint looked at him slyly. "Laura wanted me to chop some wood before the winter…"

Steve laughed. "I'll take care of it."

Natasha rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the smile on her lips. "I'll go and see if I can find Laura. Tonight's girl's night."

"Oh, is that so?" Steve pulled her in for a kiss. "Well, that explains the wine bottles."

Natasha smacked him playfully in the chest and entered the house, just in time to miss Sarah and Nate who came running from behind the house. "Daddy?" Nate asked slightly out of breath. "Sarah saw my bow and wants to learn how to shoot it. Can you teach her, too?"

"Ahm… Guess I gotta ask her parents first." He winked at his son and turned to Steve. "So, Daddy Rogers. Do I have your permission to show Sarah how to use a bow?"

Steve met the pleading gaze of his daughter and raised his hands in defeat. "That you have to ask your mom."

Sarah's gaze fell. "She'll say no because it's dangerous." Again she looked at her father, her face pleading. "Can you ask her?"

Nate grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'll come with you when you ask. Okay?"

"Okay." A relieved smile lit up her face and she let herself be pulled inside the house with a little laugh.

"Nat's still over-protective?" Clint asked with a knowing smile.

Steve shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "Sometimes, yes. It's not like I don't understand her but sometimes she should leave if to Sarah to make her own experiences. And for a child she's very responsible. I just _know_ that if you show her how to use a bow she won't start running around with it and shooting everything that moves. Plus, you wouldn't give your little son something he could hurt himself with."

"Nah, those kid's bows and arrows are nothing dangerous in responsible hands. That's why they're for kids. But Laura was similar with Cooper. Might've also added that I wasn't around that much so she had sole responsibility for him. But Nat'll learn to let go. Eventually. Maybe it's not bad Laura's with her when Sarah asks." Clint eyed Steve for a moment more closely. "There's something else why you needed to be out of the city, right?"

Steve leant heavily against the post and rubbed his face with one hand. "Yeah, it's, uhm… it's been some difficult times, lately."

"You wanna talk?"

"I don't know… Later maybe. When the kids are in bed."

"You're on." Clint clasped his shoulder. "Now come on, I show you where to put your bags."

"Uncle Clint! Mommy said yes," Sarah exclaimed, hopping along with Nate at her heels. "And you're not supposed to be as reckless as when you were an agent. That's what she said."

"Sounds like your Mom," Clint grinned and shot Steve a glance. "Feel at home, alright?"

"Will do." Steve forced a smile on his face, through which probably only Natasha could see, and kissed Sarah on the crown of her head. "Have fun and listen to your uncle, alright?"

"Of course, daddy." Happily she beamed up to him and then turned to Nate. "Thanks for coming with me."

Nathaniel shrugged and kicked at the ground. "Sure."

"Well, come on, kids. Before Natasha changes her mind." Clint took each of the kids by the hand and led them behind the house to where he had erected a small shooting range back then when Cooper first wanted to learn how to use a bow. He opened a little cabinet on the left side with a key and took another children's bow out along with some arrows. "Alright. Nate, why don't you show Sarah how to hold a bow?"

"Okay." He nodded eagerly and turned to Sarah. "You stay like this. Legs not too far apart. And then you hold the bow, back straight. And that's how you pull the string."

Sarah nodded along, her face mirroring her concentration. She reminded Clint of Natasha when faced with a difficult task she was adamant to solve. "Here," he said, giving her a small bow. "That's Coop's old one you can use while you're here. But most important rule: never shoot while someone is still on the range collecting his arrows. And no shooting without an adult. Understood?"

"Yes," Sarah said earnestly. Clint had to hide a smile. That's how fast Natasha Romanoff could turn into Steve Rogers.

"Okay. Then take an arrow and let it fly."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Kids already asleep?" Natasha asked from the sofa, one arm leant on the backrest and her body turned towards Laura with whom she had been talking.

Steve nodded. "Out like a light. Maybe we should let her practice archery more often." He leant over the backrest to kiss her. "You two good?"

"We have everything we need," Laura said with a smile. "Clint's waiting outside with chilled beer."

"Then I better join him." Steve kissed Natasha again and squeezed her hand reassuringly, love in his eyes. A small smile was her response and a promise in her eyes. "Love you," Steve whispered.

Natasha leant more towards him, her hand resting on his cheek, and pulled him in for another soft kiss. "Love you more."

Steve smiled at her words and went outside to join Clint on the porch. It grew already chilly as soon as the sun was down but not cold enough to not enjoy the evening outside. "Thanks," he said when Clint put a bottle into his hand.

"So what's going on between you and Nat?" he asked without further preamble. "I've known her for long enough to know that something's not alright."

Steve stared at his bottle for a long time before finally taking a swig. "Nat and I talked about having a second child. A sibling for Sarah, someone to be child with when she's not with your kids. Bucky was my brother back then and I wanted Sara to experience the same. Natasha thought more of how she had to compete with the other girls in the Red Room. But she agreed."

"So congratulations are in order?" Clint asked with a wide grin. "Had I known-"

"We lost the child," Steve interrupted him quietly, staring again at his hands. "Week seven. Sarah doesn't know, we wanted to tell her after the first trimester."

"Shit! I'm sorry, Steve. I really am. How are you both holding up?"

"Better now. It's been rough and sometimes it still is. It's just… That could have happened while she was pregnant with Sarah. It broke her. Some days ago she told me she doesn't want to try again. That she couldn't stand losing another child. And I understand her. I do. I don't want her to go through that again."

"If there's something I can do for you…"

"We'll let you know." Steve managed a brittle smile. "I love Sarah more than my own life and I would give everything to see her happy. But I had hoped for another one, even in those dangerous times. I've seen Nat interact with Sarah when she was still a baby. She was happy and full of wonder that her body, which she had used for destruction for so long, could produce a little person. I'd like to see her like that again. Not confirmed in her belief that she's lost everything it takes to be a mother."

"She'll get over it. If I've learned something in all those years then two things: Nat is the strongest person I know. It's not easy, I believe you that, but she will get over it without breaking. And she will let Sarah and you show here that she has it in her to be a mother. Step by step. You've already come so far with Sarah and she's the sweetest girl I've ever met. Aside from Lila, of course."

"Of course." Steve chuckled, then sighed. "Thanks for listening. We can be glad to have Sarah, can't we? Our little wonder."

"Any time, Steve. Maybe Sarah's not meant to be a big sister. But here at the farm she has three kids who are practically her siblings. She won't be a loner."

"No, she won't. Teamwork, right?"

Clint bumped his fist against Steve's. "You can bet on it.."


	70. Trouble Lurking (025)

**A/N Welcome back, folks! You did miss this collection, didn't you? Within the first day, the last chapter almost hit 100 visitors. To me, that's quite a lot, so thank you for your curiousity and for sticking with this collection and me. It means a lot to me.**

DarylDixon'sLover: It is sad, isn't it? While I played with the idea of a sibling for Sarah, in her main story she's a single child. I don't know yet whether there will be a AU to this AU some time.

Invader Johnny: No, it's not. But Natespecially seems to need to learn it over and over again.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much. Yes, she has a lot of people taking care of her.

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you :) Yes, these boys are just awesome together. And Nat and the Bartons just belong together

Vivienne: I think she would enjoy a second child very much, yes. While I too hope they bring everyone back together, I still don't know how they're gonna pull it off.

* * *

Title: Trouble Lurking (#25)

Characters: Nat, Peggy Carter; Tony (mentioned)

Word count: ~1,272

* * *

Margaret Carter filled two cups with black tea out of a delicate looking teapot before she sat back and looked at the redheaded agent opposite her more closely. After her final assessment of Romanoff's capability of fitting into SHIELD, the two women had met up at least every three months for a cup of tea, talking about the agency and Natasha's missions. At first, the Russian had been reluctant but soon she had recognized the perks of having a second person beside Clint Barton to talk to. Even though this talking sometimes needed time and patience.

"Fury sends me on another mission. Long one, probably," Natasha finally offered and added little cream to her cup. Although all of the missions requested a certain level of clearance to learn all the details, with Peggy as a founder of SHIELD she almost had as high a clearance level as Fury did. Almost.

"Does it have to do with the Avenger's Initiative?"

Natasha shot her a look. She was pretty sure, Peggy wasn't supposed to know about _that_. "Yeah. Assessment of a potential first member. Womanizer Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man. Coulson already had the honours. Fury probably rather wants him supervised than as a loose cannon."

Peggy smiled. "Little Anthony a protector of the world. Who would have known?"

"You… You know him? How?"

"I'm sure you already read his file?"

Natasha barely refrained from rolling her eyes; she _did_ respect the older woman, after all. "Of course. Born on May 29, 1970, to Howard and Maria Stark. Close friends with Edwin Jarvis, the family's butler. Named his first AI after him after his death. Fluent in English, Spanish, Italian and Dari. Built his first circuit board at four, a V8 motorbike engine at almost seven. Won Annual Robot Design Award by MIT at sixteen. Graduated MIT at seventeen where he also met James Rhodes. Overall considered a child genius. Parents died in a car crash when he was twenty-one. He took over Stark Industries and after his kidnapping and seeing what Obadiah Stane, former CEO, did with his father's company, he decided to change the company's course and built the first Iron Man armour. Is a pain in the ass to Fury since then."

"Jarvis. He was a good man. And although Tony might think differently, Howard wasn't a bad person, either," Peggy mused, sipping her tea. "He just… He regretted working on the Manhattan Project and considered Project Rebirth as the one good thing he did. When Steve… When Captain America went missing, he despaired. He spent the rest of his life finding him, never succeeding. And of course I know Tony; I'm his godmother for what it's worth."

"That's not in the file."

"No, because Howard and I wanted it that way. There _are_ perks of being a founder of SHIELD." She winked at the redhead.

"How was Howard Stark like?"

"Very much like his son. Playboy through and through, the both of them. Before Howard met Maria, I never expected him to settle down. Also brilliant, more than it did him good. He _knew_ he was brilliant, that was the problem with him. Big mouth. But deep inside a compassionate man who would die for his friends. Tony once told me he was sick of all the stories about Captain America. I guess he thought Howard would have rather had a son like Steve than the one he had. What Tony didn't understand, though, was that Howard wanted to animate him to become a good person. The only thing you could Howard accuse of is not telling his son how important he was to him. Being blind to his true greatest creation."

"Tony."

"Yes." Peggy nodded with a smile. "After Tony went to boarding school, I didn't see him that often. But I kept track of him." After a small pause, she asked: "How are going planning on contacting him?"

"We heard he wants to make Virginia Potts the CEO of his company, so he needs a new PA." Natasha grimaced at the thought of it. She'd done a lot of things in her career but being Stark's personal assistant sounded less appealing than letting herself be tortured by a Russian mob.

Peggy chuckled. "Try not to kill him." Then she grew serious again. "Not wanting to diminish your appearance but what makes you so sure he'll accept you as his PA?"

Now Natasha did roll her eyes. "It's Clint's fault. He of course knows of Stark's reputation as a playboy and proposed to Fury to put some faked model shoots of me online because Stark would likely google my alias. So, Natalie Rushman is now also a former underwear model."

"You can think about Barton what you want but he knows his marks," Peggy commented with a laugh. "Again, don't try to kill Tony. And trust me, deep down he's a good man. Maybe he just doesn't know yet."

"Maybe you're getting sentimental on your old days, Carter," Natasha retorted playfully.

"Yes. Maybe I do." Peggy looked at her with earnest in her eyes. "If you keep your edge and if you're smart and quick and simply lucky you might get as old as I am. Then you might think of all the friends and family that you've lost. Of the dreams you had when you were young and the things you never achieved because you were too scared to do it. And _then_ you think of the things and people you still have in your life and you'll find that you want to protect them, no matter what."

After that, Natasha was silent for some time. Then she quietly spoke up again. "I understand. Or, I think I do. At least that Tony Stark is one such person to you. I won't let harm come to him when I can avoid it. I swear I will."

"I know you will." Peggy gently squeezed Natasha's hand. "And I'm glad. He's the son I never had, you know? My husband and I… we couldn't have kids of our own. All I had was being an aunt to two wonderful children."

Natasha's eyes grew hard for a moment but other than that no emotion was shown on her face. "I know that feeling," she stated flatly.

Peggy's eyes widened a fraction and she scooted marginally closer, knowing that Natasha neither did hugs nor pity. "I'm sorry. I've read your file back then when Barton brought you in. I should have thought before I've spoken. An old woman's mind."

"It's alright. Really. I'm not made for the quiet life either way."

Peggy smiled at her, carefully brushing Natasha's hair behind her ear. "There will come a man who shows you that the quiet life can be something beautiful. And that you are indeed made for it, whether you believe it or not. It's what made me quit being an active agent."

"You know I don't believe in love."

"Neither did I after Steve was lost. And still I could believe again when I met Daniel. Love is a wonderful and mysterious thing. Don't write it off just because you haven't encountered it yet."

Natasha offered a small smile. "I appreciate your words but right now I have more urgent concerns than falling in love. There's a man waiting for his new PA who also needs a push in the right direction to save his own life." She drank the last sip of her tea and placed the cup back on the table. "Thanks for the tea, Margaret. I need to go."

"Of course." Peggy smiled. "Good luck with your mission."

* * *

 **2\. A/N This is already chapter 70, can you believe it? Time just flies.**


	71. Belittle (105)

**A/N Hello guys! Semester is nearing it's end as you can see with the irregular updates. Still, have fun with this new chapter.**

Invader Johnny: Yeah, eventually. At least I hope so ;)

MaRiA.Z.A: I hope she did; people should listen to Peggy more often ;)

wavingthroughawindow: I've noticed now :D Thank you very much

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

Vivienne: And here's Nat beating Peter's ass in shape ;) I hope you like it. And I won't stop before the last prompt of this collection, promise.

* * *

Title: Belittle (#105)

Characters: Natasha, Peter Parker, feat. Tony Stark

Word count: ~1,550

* * *

„You want me to do what?" Natasha balanced the phone between ear and shoulder to be able to cross her arms. "You do realise I'm a wanted fugitive, right? And who gave you this number?"

"I'm a genius, Natashalie, do you really think I wouldn't be able to find out a phone number? Please." Tony huffed in annoyance, barely audible through the metal music blasting in his background.

Natasha's eyes narrowed. "Fury gave it to you."

"Of course he did. So you're coming over and take a look at that kid? No one will know you're here, boy scout's honour."

"You've never _been_ a boy scout." Natasha pressed her lips together for a moment. "You and Ross are no longer best buddies or what?"

"Ross and I have different opinions on quiet a lot of topics. One of those is the kid." Tony sighed and Natasha could hear him turning down the music by a fraction. "The kid wants to join the team officially but Ross already wants him to sign the Accords which I would like to prevent. And for the kid's sake alone I think an evaluation of his skills isn't that bad an idea. Especially since he thinks he's invulnerable."

"In youth we all think we're invulnerable."

"You want an apology, right? I get that. I was an asshole when we parted. To my defence, I was hurt and worried and pissed. But I am sorry, Natasha. I shouldn't have threatened you with Ross and his minions. We all thought we were doing the right thing."

"I'll be there by Friday," Natasha said without clearly accepting his apology. "Make sure you're stacked on orange juice."

"Sure. Looking forward to seeing you again, Natasha. And I mean that without any sarcasm."

Natasha simply hung up. Tony and her never really got mushy when interacting with one another; it simply wasn't their style. He would know how to take her actions rightly. She sighed and looked around the little flat. If she was being honest, she was sick of laying low. She needed to do something and why not whip a mouthy kid's ass into shape?

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha was in the facility's gym warming up, her newly blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun. She'd already talked with Pepper and congratulated her to the ring on her finger while offering in the same breath to kill Tony in the most painful way should he ever hurt her. She really looked forward to spending some time with the CEO although Natasha knew she would have to decline a job offer as her PA more than once.

The doors to the gym opened slowly and Spiderman hesitantly poked his head in. "Um, hey. Mr Stark told me to come her and someone would train with me and- Oh my God, you're the Black Widow. Nice new hairdo, by the way. We haven't got the chance to talk a lot in Germany but I'm a _huge_ fan. Spiders should stick together, right? I watched you fighting on that airport and it was just so cool. How do your shock-thingies work? Muscle-activated or do they work with buttons?"

"If you're lucky you're going to find out." Natasha stood up in a fluid motion and looked at the masked boy. "You always talk that much?"

He rubbed his neck. "Yeah, I guess so. So, you're gonna train with me?"

"I'll assess your fighting skills, yes. Since you're enhanced, Stark figured me the best choice."

"Are you enhanced, too? Bitten by a spider? Or something else?"

Natasha fought hard to supress a smile. "No. Just ages of training." She fell into a fighting stance. "I expect you to give your best." She didn't leave him any time to answer but simply pounced on him, catching him in a flurry of punches and kicks.

For a moment Spiderman reeled, choosing to dodge and evade without being able to prevent every hit from landing until he suddenly flipped back and dangled on a thin thread of webbing from the ceiling. "Whoa, whoa, calm down! I thought this was training."

"Evaluation, not training. You do want to join the Avengers, don't you? For that Tony needs to know what you're truly capable of," Natasha explained not even out of breath.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Well, I clearly don't share that sentiment." She shrugged, then flipped and kicked in the same motion. Spiderman narrowly escaped her foot. "I do understand you don't want to cripple burglars but as Leipzig should have already shown you, some people don't care if you're getting hurt. So fight back while you still have the chance."

"But what if I hurt you?" Spiderman insisted.

Natasha shrugged again. "Then it's my fault you landed a blow and I'll take better care next time." Unnoticed by the boy, she had powered up her Widow's Bites and hit him now with the lowest setting which still caused Spiderman to cry out and fall from the ceiling.

"Unfair!"

"You wanted to know how they work, didn't you? Glad I could help." Natasha smirked and again fell into a fighting stance, her body coiled like that of a snake, ready to jump. "Get your ass up, Spiderboy. And don't hold back."

"It's Spiderman," the kid mumbled but scrambled back to his feet. For a moment he still seemed to hesitate, to not be sure whether he could do what the redhead wanted from him. But then, quick as a spider, he pounced and aimed with his web shooters for her hands and feet.

Natasha flipped out of the way, trying to keep a distance as to not be immobilized by his webbing while still trying to catch him off guard with her Widow's Bites or a kick. It quickly became clear that he probably had had no training whatsoever – aside from PE. Instead, Spiderman relied heavily on his instincts and reflexes. If he received proper training, maybe even with different members of the team, he would be a valuable asset. His style remained more defensive than offensive but sometimes he had the heart to start an attack. Natasha landed a few blows but it wasn't nearly as easy as before. More important, Spiderman himself managed to hit her and Natasha already felt the bruises forming. She suspected he still held back; she had seen the footage of him on the Staten Island ferry. If he used his full strength it could be dangerous, even for her. Finally, he managed to hit her with his webbing in a way that her foot stuck to the ground; no matter how hard she pulled, she couldn't break free. Spiderman used his chance, pulled her other leg and covered her in webbing to keep her on the floor.

Panting he fell to the floor, simply sitting there. "Oh my god, I'm _so_ done. Is that usual training? Like, give all you have, always? Because the spider bite gave me an edge in PE but this… Oh man, I want to shower. I _need_ a shower. And an energy bar. Maybe five."

"Are you going to get this stuff off of me any time soon?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Gimme a sec."

Once Natasha could move again, she too sat down and pushed her sweaty hair out of her face. "What's the webbing made of?"

"I made it myself. Chemistry class. Took some while to get the formula right and I'm still working on it. It sometimes gets dry when it's too old and then it doesn't stick as good and breaks more easily." He looked at her and due to the advanced suit Stark hade made him, Natasha could detect the concern radiating off him. "What'cha think? How am I doing?"

"Not bad," she said honestly. "I know your webbing gave Barnes and Wilson a hard time in Germany and once you found the last flaws it's not to be underestimated. Your hand to hand combat skills are sloppy. You're fast but that won't save you forever."

"Save me? I know I'll be sore tomorrow," he muttered.

Natasha ignored him. "Some training would do you same good. And if it's just to save your life. Maybe Tony finds someone to tutor you."

"So… you won't train with me? Because although your shock thingies are pretty mean, I feel like you could show me some things. From spider to spider, you know?"

"I'm still a wanted fugitive. I'm not even supposed to be on American soil. So maybe later when there are less guys who want my head on a platter." She winked at him, got up from the floor and offered him her hand. "It was a pleasure, Spiderman. Stay safe. I'll give Tony my report later today with some suggestions so he can find you someone to work with."

Spiderman grabbed her hand and let himself be pulled to his feet. "Thanks. For the bruises, too, although I know I feel them tomorrow. I hope everything gets sorted out soon. You know this whole mess with the Accords."

"Yeah. Me, too. But it will take some time. Or a catastrophic crisis which needs all the Avengers. I'd rather take the first scenario, to be honest."

"Yeah. I've seen enough of alien stuff for the rest of my life," Spiderman sighed.

* * *

 **2\. A/N So, what do you think? I hope Spidey wasn't too OOC; it was my first time writing him. If you have any prompts or questions, please feel free to drop me a line.**


	72. Annoyance (069)

**A/N Hello dear readers. Exams and papers are now due duing the next month, but I hope to be able to write some oneshots nevertheless. I hope you enjoy this one although it is late.**

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked my Spidey.

DarylDixon's Lover: Thank you

Vivienne: I'm happy Spiderman wasn't OOC to you, that means a lot to me. No need to thank me, if you have any other prompts or ideas, just let me know.

Invader Johnny: Yeah, I'm rather proud of that line ;)

* * *

Title: Annoyance (#69)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Fury, Coulson, Clint

Word count: ~ 1,133

* * *

„Rogers! In my office. _Now_!" Fury's deep voice echoed through the hallway with no problem at all before he turned around again and stomped off, coat blowing behind him dramatically.

Natasha arched an eyebrow and suppressed the laugh that bubbled within her as Steve automatically stood attention. "What did you do?" she asked instead.

"I don't know." Steve shrugged helplessly. "Last mission went smooth, didn't it?"

"Aside from blowing up the control room of that ship, effectively sinking it… sure."

"But that was _you_. Why is he angry at _me_?"

Natasha smirked and leant closer to him to make sure only he would hear her. "Maybe he knows you're fucking his best asset."

"Nat!" Instantly, Steve turned beet red.

"He won't kill you… I think," Natasha added with a smile after a moment's time of consideration and gave him a slight slap. "But I wouldn't let him wait."

"You're not coming?"

"Oh, no. He wants to chew your ass, not mine. But I'll keep watch."

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed. "The closet three doors down?"

"Exactly." She gave him a brilliant smile.

"Oh, well." Steve straightened his shoulders and went on his way to Fury's office. He knocked and after Fury's gruff voice told him to come in, he gently opened the door and closed it behind him immediately. Then he turned around and stopped short. Not only Fury was waiting for him, but also Coulson. What was going on?

"Captain Rogers, are you familiar with the regulations concerning relationships between agents of this organisation?" Coulson asked with a raised eyebrow. There was nothing of the admiration or friendliness the man usual met him with.

Steve gulped, a blush creeping up his neck at the thought of last night he had spent in Natasha's apartment. "Yes, sir."

"You are aware that any signs of such an intimate relationship are to be reported immediately to the Supervising Officers so that the agents in question can be reassigned to different teams to prevent any compromising situations?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then how comes you did not report your relationship with Agent Romanoff? The disappointment that bled into Coulson's voice made Steve flinch. But before he could defend himself, Fury leant forward and fixed him with that piercing gaze of his.

"Just that we are perfectly clear, Rogers," he said. "Agent Romanoff is under our protection since she first set foot into this agency. I've made greater men disappear for lesser reasons. So what keeps me from reassigning your sorry ass to Siberia?"

Steve gulped but chose to face him head on. Showing weakness could be his death right now. "I love her, Director. And the fact alone that she chose me makes me the happiest man breathing. I would never hurt her. And I don't want to doubt your abilities to make my life a living hell but I'm pretty sure whatever you have in store for me pales in comparison to what Natasha is able to do. Sir."

The ever so composed Coulson gave one of his rare shrugs. "He's not wrong."

Fury ignored the comment and leant even closer, his gaze never wavering. "Listen close now because I won't repeat myself. If I ever only hear rumours you're being a motherfucking dick to her I will bury you so deep in the fridge you won't even remember how daylight looks like. And then I will tear you apart, body and mind, piece by piece until there is nothing left your serum could possibly mend."

"I understand, Sir," Steve replied. "I would expect nothing less."

"Then we have an agreement."

Coulson cleared his throat. "Sir, we still need to discuss what is supposed to happen to STRIKE Team Delta. As of SHIELD's regulations…"

Fury groaned and massaged his temples. "You want me to dissolve our best team just because two agents are fucking each other?"

Again a blush crept up Steve's cheeks but he chose to stay quiet. No need to get himself into any more trouble than he was already into.

"The regulations are there for a reason, Director," Coulson answered simply but looked at Steve all the time. "Compromised agents are a danger to the mission, this agency, and, above all, to themselves. We not only risk to lose our mark but also the agents."

Steve cleared his throat against better judgement. "If I may add something, Director? Nata- Agents Romanoff is the most professional agent I've ever met. She would never risk a mission and all our missions since entertaining our relationship have been successful."

"Aside from Cuba."

"And Kolkatta."

"And Budapest."

"We never had any luck with Budapest."

"My point," Steve interrupted the two men sitting across the table, "is that STRIKE Team Delta will continue to be your best choice. Out in the field, the mission will always be the most important point. Besides, when Agent Romanoff was partnered with Agent Barton, they were compromised as well without being in a sexual relationship. This situation is not that much different."

"Sassing your superiors, huh?" Fury's eye gleamed and Steve couldn't quite decide whether the Director was amused or not. Probably not. "You spend too much time with Romanoff."

"I learn from the best, Sir." Steve's answer made both Fury and Coulson groan. And was that a blush on the latter's cheeks?

"That's enough," Fury said and made a gesture like he wanted to chase away an annoying insect. "I expect you to heed the warning, Rogers. I have no qualms freezing your sorry ass for another seventy years."

"Understood, Sir." Steve stood up and went to the door, glad to bring something between himself and his superiors. He felt as exhausted as after a month-long mission.

Natasha awaited him at the end of the corridor. "You did well," she greeted him with an encouraging smile, although there did some mischief sparkle in her eyes.

"I'm so done for today," he sighed and bent down to kiss her.

"How about we head home and order some pizza? I don't feel like cooking today."

"Best idea of this day." Steve laid an arm around her shoulders and steered her in the direction of the elevators.

Just as they reached the silver doors they opened, revealing Clint who wore a mixture of smirk and stern on his face. "Cap! Mind letting go of my honorary sister for a sec and talking tête-à-tête?"

"Clint? Shouldn't you be in Delaware?"

The archer looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Giving Captain America the shovel talk is enough reason to leave retirement for a day."

"Give him a break, he just had Fury and Coulson roasting him."

He's a big guy, he can handle it." Clint grabbed Steve's shoulder and steered the man away who looked helplessly at Natasha. "And stay out of the air ducts!"


	73. Pain (088)

**A/N Hello folks, I hope you had a good time in between uploads. Have fun with this one.**

Vivienne: Thank you very much. Yeah, I already thought about writing about Budapest, but honestly, right now I don't have a single idea of what could've happened there. But I'll think on it and write it eventually, just probably not next time ;)

MaRiA.Z.A: Oh, he better is scared. I wouldn't want to cross the three of them. Thank you.

Invader Johnny: I bet he is. And wait until Laura gets him into her fingers... I don't now whether I would be more scared of her or Fury.

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked the last to that much :)

* * *

Title: Pain (#88)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky, feat. some other Avengers

Word count: ~1,444

* * *

„This is our armoury," Natasha explained while she opened the door so Bucky could peer inside. "Most of it is extra stuff like an additional shield for Steve or older suits from Tony. Clint has a shitload of bows and arrows in here; I guess not even he knows anymore what some of them do."

"And this rack?" Bucky asked and reached for the Widow's Bites to take a closer look at them. Mean little things.

"Belongs to me. Touch it and I will maim you. Touch the weapons and I will seriously hurt you."

Bucky stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Possessive much?"

Natasha glowered. "While I don't need necessarily weapons to get the job done, it makes things a whole lot easier. So if it can be blamed on you that I don't get some thug down fast enough – be it on a mission of SHIELD or with the Avengers – not even Steve will be able to save you."

"If I trust you on one thing," Bucky murmured and pulled back his hand. "But I've seen Stark playing around with those. He's allowed to? Stark, of all people?"

"Tony makes them more badass every time. Besides, he makes sure to always work with a spare pair so I have one ready should I need one."

Bucky nodded in defeat and took a closer look at the guns that were neatly stored on the rack. "Is that…?"

"A Makarov from 1990? Yes. It's the weapon I mostly used on the missions of the Red Room. And the one I had with me when I deflected."

"I didn't know you could find them on American soil."

"As I said, I brought it with me from Russia. It reminds me of the people I killed to survive and of the ledger I still have. Once I cleared it I might throw it out; Tony's pestering me every time he sees it, but it's still functional and it's a weapon I know inside out. I hate learning to know new weapons."

"Yeah, I understand." Bucky's gaze lingered for a moment longer, then he turned around. "Should I store my stuff in here, too?"

Natasha shrugged. I keep one or two guns in my apartment for paranoia's sake, but most of them are stored here. I'm not telling you to drop everything in here, because I know it's not an easy thing to do as a former spy. People like Tony and Steve don't get that. People that never lived in the shadows. I'm just saying it's a lot more easier if you keep most of your stuff in here."

"Alright." Bucky nodded again. "How's it with access to training areas?"

"Let me show you."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"You did _what_?" Both Steve and Clint stared at him with wide eyes.

Bucks gulped. "I used Natasha's Makarov. It was an accident, I didn't want to break it. Who could have known that this weapon survived more than thirty years but breaks after falling down?"

"Well, you fell from pretty high up; it's not like you let it just drop," Clint offered still shell-shocked. "You know she's going to kill you, right? Painfully. I mean, Nat's not exactly the type to keep a lot of memorabilia and the fact alone that she kept this weapon all those years…"

"I know I'm screwed," Bucky huffed. "Could we now please get to the part where the both of you have a fantastic idea how to save my ass? Because, you know, it's a nice ass."

Steve helplessly shrugged. "You could try and find another one of the same model. But let's be honest, Natasha would recognize it as being fake. She knows her weapons inside out."

"And if Stark tries to glue it back together or something? I mean, surely he has something to make the weapon functional again, right? Right?"

"You could ask him," Clint said slowly, as if in deep thought. "I'm sure he has some ideas to fix the Makarov. But you should probably still look for a replacement, just in case. And make sure you have on or two safe houses off record for the case that everything goes balls up."

"You really are a help, Barton," Bucky growled but him running his fingers through his hair showed clearly his level of jumpiness. Neither Steve nor Clint really wanted to trade with him.

"Just to clear things up for me," Steve started and lowered his voice. " _Why_ exactly did you take her weapon when you _knew_ she would kill you for it? I mean, that's only slightly suicidal, Buck."

"It's your fault," Bucky grumbled and pointed an accusing finger at his childhood friend. "You were all move your asses before the mission and I just went in here and grabbed something familiar. Happened to be the Makarov."

"So you want to blame it on me once you're busted? You're sure that works with Natasha."

"Not really." Bucky sighed. "I'll go ask Stark for a solution. And maybe write my last will, just in case."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Wouldn't have thought you'd be the kind to play truth or dare," Tony mused and gazed at Natasha with slight distrust in his eyes. "You know, all this I would tell you but then I would have to kill you stuff. Plus, I'm sure you already know everything about everyone. Isn't that boring for you?"

"You're just scared I could ask you something to make you uncomfortable," Natasha answered nonchalantly and sipped from her drink.

Tony scoffed. "Make me uncomfortable? Please. It's me who mastered making other people uncomfortable."

"Oh, is that so? So it would be no problem if you would answer truth and I would ask you what was Dum-E's original purpose?" She arched one eyebrow at him.

Tony paled and gulped, eager to regain his typical air of not giving any fucks. "You're a cruel woman, Romanoff. And I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course," Natasha said, a smirk playing on her lips. "So, who's gonna start?"

"Okay, if you're so eager." Tony moved his eyebrows suggestively while everyone else groaned. "Truth or dare… Steve?" he finished to everyone's surprise.

Steve blinked at him a few times. "I'm so gonna regret this, but truth. I'm scared of your dares."

"Then you need more alcohol."

"Tony, I can't get drunk."

"Right. Serum. Okay question is: I know you toured with those USO girls, so how many of those did you know a little better?"

"Tony," Bruce groaned. "Really?"

"It's a valid question."

"Yes, it is," Bucky grinned. "Go on, punk, tell them."

Steve blushed as he cleared his throat. "None."

"None? Come on, Capsicle, really? I don't believe you."

"None. There's more to… _Fondue_ than just looking good."

Tony theatrically closed his eyes. "That's unbelievable. He could have had _any_ girl, but oh well…"

Steve cleared his throat again. "I think it's my turn. Natasha, truth or dare?"

"You really wanna play with me, Cap?" Natasha gifted him with a smirk. "Okay, dare. Give me your best."

"Just, uhm... walk on your hands to the other side of the room."

Clint chuckled. "Is that your first time playing truth or dare, Cap? Just asking for a friend."

While he had been talking, Natasha shrugged, did a handstand and started walking through the room. Not able to resist some showing off, instead of just turning around she flipped, landed on her hands angain and returned to her seat. "I expect you to do better, next time," she said with a wink. "It does have some perks knowing an ex-carnie."

"Hey!" Clint scoffed and stuffed a handful of cracker in his mouth before continueing with his mouth full. "And deduction of points for the landing. You wobbled."

"I didn't wobble. Shut up." Natasha threw a pillow at his head, then turned to Bucky, her eyes gleaming. "Truth or dare, Bucky?"

Bucky gulped and looked for help, but no one dared to. "Truth," he finally said. "I'm afraid of your dares."

Natasha cocked her head and while her eypression showed nothing but friendliness, her eyes were hard. "Did you break my Makarov?"

"Shit," Bucky mumbled, scrambled to his feet and bolted for the door, Natasha close on his heels.

Tony sighed. "I guess that's it with games night for tonight. Someone wants to watch a movie?"

* * *

 **2\. A/N As always lately, I'm sorry for the irregular updates. Feel free to drop me any prompts, I always love your ideas.**


	74. Give Up (093)

**A/N The weekend's near and I hope you're able to relax a bit. Have fun with this new chapter. It's Mama-Nat again, since we didn't have that for some time.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Yep, that's exactly the right reaction

MaRiA.Z.A: Naah, he's a super soldier and healing fast... so I guess he didn't spend that much time there. Thank you, I hope you like this one just as much.

Invader Johnny: Hell yes, she is.

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much. Yeah, quality time every now and then is a good thing

Vivienne: Well, he kinda had it coming for him...

* * *

Title: Give Up (#93)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky, more Avengers

Word count: ~1,232

* * *

The baby's crying filled the little house and reached into every corner. A sleep-deprived redhead walked tiredlessly through the living room, the baby in her arms and rocking it gently. Tears of desperation glittered in her eyes, letting the green seem even brighter, as she murmured soothing words. To no avail.

The front door opened, and Steve stepped in. Dirt and sweat matted his hair and he smelt of fire and explosions. "Hey," he greeted with a smile nevertheless, kicked his boots from his feet and placed his shield near the door. "How was your day? Or rather evening?"

"Alright, I guess," Natasha answered over the crying.

Steve frowned ever so slightly. After years of knowing her, there wasn't much she could hide from him. "Everything okay?"

"Sarah won't stop crying," she explained finally, defeat in her voice. "Laura thinks it's the teething starting but no matter what I do, I can't calm her down. I tried it all, Steve. Her stuffed animal, music, a story, even the washing machine… I don't know what to do anymore."

"Shall I try?"

A little smile played her lips. "Go showering first. You stink."

"If you say so." Steve rolled his eyes and bent to kiss first Natasha, then Sarah, before he went off to the bathroom. Sarah's crying had quieted down a bit, but once Steve was out of sight again, it started anew.

"I know it hurts getting your teeth," Natasha sighed and swayed her gently. "But I can't change it, as much as I'd liked to. You're giving me a hard time here." Even though Natasha had had some time accepting she was going to be a mother, there were still times when she doubted herself. Especially now that she couldn't calm down her crying girl.

Steve returned, clad in comfortable clothes made for being at home and being puked at by a baby. Although his hair was still wet, the smell of his mission still lingered faintly on him. "Hey sweetie," he greeted Sarah as he took her from Natasha's arms. "You're being difficult for Mommy today?" Sarah sniffled, then snuggled closer to her dad. Within moments she was fast asleep. Steve could tell the exact moment her old mask slid into place on Natasha's face.

"I'll go for a walk with Akela. Poor guy hasn't been out properly today," she said tonelessly and turned around to fetch the dog who had looked for a quieter place after Sarah hadn't stopped crying. She ignored Steve calling after her, fastened the leash on Akela's collar and went out of the backdoor into the night. Tears burned hot behind her eyes as she let Akela sniff around as he liked. Natasha had known it all along. She was no mother material; the Red Room had taken care of it. To even think she could be what a little human needed… How could she be a good mother to Sarah, if she couldn't calm her down? She was jealous of Steve, of course she was. He stank of explosions and blood and death and still their daughter found him more soothing. It had taken him _seconds_ to get her to sleep while she had spent hours of walking around, talking, murmuring, singing…

They reached a bench overlooking a flowery meadow and Natasha sat down on it, knees pulled up and arms curled around them. Not for the first time she thought about just giving up. What reason was in trying if she never would be a good mother? Akela, tired of chasing fireflies, came to her and laid his head down beside her feet with a soft whine.

"I don't know what to do," Natasha confessed quietly and petted the dog. "I can't blame her for not trusting me but still it hurts. And I don't think Steve understands what it does to me that she loves him that much more Not that he could change it. I really want to be a good mother, but… it seems I'm not the type for it." Akela cocked his head and looked at her with big eyes. Suddenly he pricked up his ears and turned around, waiting. "What are you hearing buddy? A rabbit or a fox?" Natasha asked him without actually expecting an answer.

"Probably me," Laura smiled when she met Natasha's gaze and took a seat next to her, greeting Akela who had waited patiently beside the redhead. "Steve told me where I would find you. He's worried. Enough that he asked me for help instead of Clint and I know he's scared of me after I threatened to break his legs should he ever be an arse to you."

"Clint wouldn't understand."

"Understand what?"

Natasha was silent for a long time and when she finally spoke she refused to look at the woman who had grown to be a sister to her. "You know Sarah's probably teething and today… She had a really bad day. No matter what I did, I couldn't calm her down. Steve got home from his mission and even after showering he smelt like a bomb detonated just next to him. And she cuddles up to him, stops crying and falls asleep." Natasha gulped and continued to stare at her hands. "How bad a mother can I be if she considers him more soothing while he smells of burned plastic and blood."

Laura put her arms around Natasha's shoulders and pulled her close. "That's nothing to mark you for a bad mother. I'm serious, Nat. There was this time with Lila when I could do whatever I wanted and she wasn't to be calmed down. I doubted myself too, back then. Doubting my ability to raise two kids on my own while Clint was away and working. It's _normal_ to doubt yourself every now and then. It's human. And there will be a time when you or Steve say or do the wrong thing but Sarah's your first child; it's all a learning process."

"What if it continues? If she's scared of me because she senses what a horrible person I am? Wouldn't it be better for her if I'd just leave her life and go?" Now Natasha looked at Laura, tears of fearing to not be good enough slowly seeking their way over her cheeks.

Laura held her even tighter. "No. You know why? She needs her mother. No one expects you to be perfect, Natasha. No one except yourself. I know you learned not to make mistakes but in the life you're leading now it's okay to not be 100 percent every day. Just try to be the best mother you can be for Sarah, and believe me, it will be enough." An encouraging smile settled on her lips. "And for those days when everything seems impossible, you have Steve. He's supposed to help you when you don't know any further. Be glad he and Sarah are able to bond despite him being away so often."

"I know," Natasha sighed. "And I am. But still, it's… It's a stupid feeling not being able to calm her down. I just want to be a good mother to her, that's all."

First step to that would be to not run away," Laura said with a smile and wiped the tears from Natasha's cheeks. "The rest you will manage. Not always, but that's a lesson I had to learn too."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Next time I would either like to explore Natasha's childhood a little bit more or write about her relationship with Dare Devil (since I only learned recently, that they were a thing...) What would you like to read? Or would you be interested in something different altogether?**


	75. Mechanical (034)

**A/N Hello guys, I know it's been some time and I'm very sorry. I don't have the promised story about Nat's childhood with me, but one I had to write after watching the new trailer for Infinity War. So if you haven't seen that yet, big spoiler warning.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much.

Invader Johnny: Yes she has to, but I figure it's a big deal to learn when all you knew was running.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! The Chapter about her childhood will come eventally, I promise.

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you. Yes, I love the dynamic between the two of them quite a lot to be honest.

Vivienne: I see what you did there ;)

* * *

Title: Mechanical (#34)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Bucky, fat. T'Challa and Thanos

Word count: ~1,084

* * *

„It's time." The accented voice of T'Challa sounded over the plain, drowning out every other sound. Immediately, the soldiers went quiet. "We might not survive Thanos's invasion. We might not even defeat him. But we will do everything in our power to refrain him from destroying this very planet. We fight for our friends and family. We fight for the people we loathe. Most of all, we fight for humanity. My friends… It is an honour to fight at your side. Humanity may not know your names, but trust me, they will not be forgotten. I cannot thank you enough for your bravery." He clasped Steve's shoulder and nodded to Natasha and Bucky before he went on the first transport hover.

Steve turned to Natasha before following the king. But before he could open his mouth, Natasha pulled him into a bruising kiss. "I know the breath is lost on you, but _please_ don't do anything reckless," she murmured and slapped him on his uniform. Just the spot where, on his old one, the star would have been. "Sometimes you win a fight by turning around and choosing another time and place. You're not alone in this one, you hear me? And you have nothing to atone for."

"But, Tony-" Steve started, but Natasha cut him off again. "You two talked before he had to go to London. You reconciled. _You have nothing to prove_." She took a breath and looked him straight in the eye, stroking his beard. "Make sure you come back home, alright?"

"I'll give my best." He smiled his crooked, boyish smile, kissed her again, nodded towards Bucky without smiling and turned to following T'Challa.

Natasha, who had been ordered on a different hover, climbed into it and turned around surprised when Bucky appeared behind her. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Steve and T'Challa?"

"The king changed orders. Having the two super soldiers at one place didn't strike him as a good idea anymore." He shrugged and checked his rifle one last time. "Heard something of the other guys?"

"I know Tony wanted to meet with Strange in London in the Sanctum Sanctorum there. Bruce was supposed to be here with us, but maybe he got held up. Thor and two of the Guardians aren't on earth anymore; they try to forge him a new weapon after he lost his hammer. And Clint… he's not in a state to be here. After everything… To be honest, I lost count about who's where. This is so much bigger than everything we've ever been in." She couldn't resist shooting one last glance to Steve who looked stoically ahead, nodding to something T'Challa was telling him. Fear coiled in the pit of her stomach and she did her very best to ignore it. They were the Avengers, yes. But how could they hope to stand against a mad titan and survive?

"He'll make it out there alive," Bucky's voice sounded lowly beside her. "He always does. Gets himself into fights against a much bigger opponent but still comes out mostly unscathed."

"Because you saved his pretty ass back then," Natasha added and turned to fully look at him. "So why are you here although you know that? You never cared for orders."

Bucky was silent for a few moments. "Because this is bigger than any of us. Even bigger than Steve. I don't like it either, trust me. And he's not the small punk anymore who couldn't run a block. But it's not my call to make. Not this time. Not when it's our world which is at stake."

Natasha was fingering the chain of the dog-tags she kept underneath her uniform. "Sometimes it all seems like a bad dream, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does."

They watched the spaceships that obviously acted as carriers for Thanos's troops land just behind Wakanda's border and Natasha gripped her weapon a little bit tighter. "Good hunting. Try not to get yourself killed, yes?"

"You too, little Widow." A grim smile played Bucky's lips and then their hover started to move.

The first couple of minutes were one blur of screams and weapons clanging against each other and dust and smoke and blood. After striking down the first few enemies, Natasha had lost sight of both Steve and Bucky. There was neither time nor place to start looking for them in this mindless chaos, not with hundreds, thousands of aliens storming over the plain. Mostly she fought without thinking how to move, how to strike or dodge. Her muscles worked in the way that was drilled into them many years ago, in the movements that were deemed to ill from the very beginning. And although she ripped through the aliens like wet paper, there just seemed to be coming more and more.

And then she saw Steve, just at the tree line, standing only a few feet away from the towering, purple alien that was about to destroy them all. A golden gauntlet shimmered on his left hand which he had raised threateningly towards Steve. Without spending even a second about thinking this through, she turned in their direction and started running, powering up her Widow's Bites and she weaved through friend and foe. Halfway there, on the ledge of a hill, someone grabbed her upper arm and pulled her back.

Instantly Natasha fought, trashed around, used all of her might and cunning to escape the steely grip. "Let me _go_!"

"I can't," Bucky answered, sorrow thick on his tongue and his grip never wavering. "I promised to keep you safe."

"I don't care! Let me go, let me help him."

Bucky never answered but kept holding her tight. And then, suddenly, Thanos let his giant gauntleted hand fall down on Steve. His scream as he fought against the alien's power could be heard all over the place. Suddenly, Bucky pulled at her so she turned around and blocked her view of the scene with his body. Still, he could do nothing about the sickening sound that stopped Steve's screams. Natasha could feel his body shake whereas her own felt strangely numb. Her mind played Steve's scream on loop and then she moved so suddenly, that Bucky let her go. She more stumbled than ran down the hill, not thinking about what this giant alien could do to her but just about what she was about to do to him. Weapon raised and with a blood curdling battle cry, she moved to strike.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I sincerely hoped you liked it and that I won't take as long for the next chapter.**


	76. Never Cry (026)

**A/N Welcome back to another instalment! This time I brought you the promised oneshot about Natasha's childhood. If you have further wishes, please feel free to write me ;)**

Invader Johnny: I think you might be right. This one thing she'll never be able to forgive, if she lives to have the chance.

MaRiA.Z.A: To make it clear, I don't hope it happens that way. This movie will cause so many feels, I don't now whether I'll ever be able to just enjoy it. Buuut, let's stay positive and all that, right?

Ella1989: I don't know whether I really want it in the movie, but if so, I predicted it. Which would be kinda nice, I guess.

Vivienne: Thank you ^^ Believe it or not, this is already on my list, but I'll put an asterix next to it to mark it as extra important ;) I'm currently working on one about her early days at SHIELD, but I'll try to make it happen soon, okay?

* * *

Title: Never Cry (#26)

Characters: Natasha, Ivan

Word count: ~ 1,422

* * *

„I said _watch me_ , „ the man growled, stilling his motions but holding the hare tightly so it wouldn't jump away.

The redhaired girl sniffled but obeyed, training her eyes on the middle-aged man. His face was weathered from the cold and the wind and although his voice was harsh, his grey eyes didn't look unkindly at her.

The sharp sound of breaking wet twigs was heard, then the hare moved no more. Ivan laid it aside and pulled a knife from his boot. "Do you know why I'm showing you this?"

Natalia sniffled again. "No."

"Two reasons. First, you need to become as sharp and hard as this knife," he began and stopped working for a moment to show her the bloodied blade. "I'm bringing you to a place where you will be killed if you stay that soft. "Second, there will come a time when you have to survive in the wilderness. For then you need to know how to catch and prepare your dinner."

"Why are you bringing me there? Can't I go back? My parents are worried and-"

"I already told you, little one, your parents are dead," Ivan interrupted her, his voice not unkind but carrying the annoyance about talking about this topic again. "And stop crying. It will get you killed one day or the other."

Natasha watched him skinning the hare and then moved to peel some potatoes herself. Though her movements were slow with the knife, she made sure to work thoroughly. "Can't I stay with you, then?"

Ivan barked out a laugh. "Why would you want _that_?"

"Because you take care of me. And I like you. You are nice. You are my friend."

Ivan stopped dead in his movements. "I wouldn't say that too loud. Or ever again. You could get both of us killed. And I'm sure as hell not nice."

"But you _are_ my friend, right?"

"I hope so. But I might not be a very good one." He grabbed a gun lying around and placed it in front of Natalia. "Three times while I'm cooking. Be careful. And try to make no mistakes."

Natalia put the last potato aside, wiped her hands on a piece of cloth and started to disassemble the gun. "If you're taking me to a ballet school, why do I need to know this?"

"Because I say so," Ivan answered gruffly and started stirring in the big pot. "Because you will need to learn either way and the better prepared you are, the less punishment you will have to endure. Because it never hurts to know how things work. Now quit talking and start concentrating."

Natalia shut her mouth. Her tongue sticking slightly out, she worked the different parts loose and arranged them neatly on the table.

"How are you doing?" Ivan finally asked in English, his accent weighing on the words.

The girl's hands stilled for a moment while she tried to wrap her mind around the still foreign words. "It's difficult," she finally answered. "Don't distract me."

Ivan smiled at her retort and resumed stirring. It was a companionable silence that stretched out between the odd couple, filling the little cabin with an almost homely atmosphere despite the various weapons lying around.

"Done!" Natalia finally exclaimed happily.

Ivan took the pot from the stove and turned around to inspect her work., checking the gun for its functionality. "Good," he praised, ruffling the girl's hair. Although knowing well enough that he'd get killed should his employers know of the affection he held towards her, he couldn't refrain from trying to comfort her from time to time. "Now set the table before the food gets cold again."

Natalia went to grab plates and flatware and set it neatly on the table. When Ivan turned around to fill the plates, he noticed a children's book placed innocently besides his plate. Watching him frown, Natalia hastily tried to explain: "You said I'm too old for bedtime stories. But it's not bedtime yet so it doesn't count, right?"

"You're too smart for your own good," Ivan grumbled, took the book and put it aside. "Noticing Natalia's disappointed look, he sighed. "I'll read a bit to you when you helped clean up, alright?"

The gleam in her eyes and the smile on her face were answer enough.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha smiled as she placed the steaming bowl in front of the old man. "Here. I hope you like it; my cooking skills are not topnotch."

"Well, you didn't exactly have the best teacher." Ivan grinned and carefully dipped his spoon into the stew. "Still don't know how you managed to find me. I fell so deep off the radar, not even Madame B and her lot found me after I dropped you off."

"I'm not Madame B.," Natasha answered and gently blew on her own spoonful. "I know you, Ivan, like it or not. At least well enough to look for you at the right places."

"You look good," Ivan said after a moment or two of silence. "Heard you're a hero now. The Black Widow saving the world. Your parents would be proud of you; I know I am."

Natasha smiled softly. "I could take you with me, you know? You'd be safe, the KGB would never get a hold on you. And you'd like it. We have a shooting range and warm water and someone who can actually cook. You'd get used to the other guys soon enough; most of them only play the hard ass, inside they're all fluff."

Ivan chuckled. "I'm too old to get used to another place. This is my life here, little one. I'm used to it and I probably wouldn't want it any other way. But I appreciate the offer." He noticed the tiniest slack of her shoulders and couldn't help to feel sorrow. After all this time, she still was his little one. He'd never forgiven himself bringing her to the Red Room. "Tell me about your friends. I've only seen them on tv in their costumes."

"Clint is the one who helped me defect," Natasha started readily, recognizing a peace offering when she saw one. "You might know him as Hawkeye. He… He's the brother I never had. Or wanted. He looks out for me and his patience at the beginning… I don't think I'd be still alive without him."

"Sounds like a good guy."

"He is. As are the others. Even Tony, though he can hide it pretty well. Thor is loud but not as gullible as he seems. Bruce came a long way in trusting himself and the Other Guy."

Ivan snorted and glared at her. "This thing you're doing to turn him back. Dangerous and reckless. What were you thinking?"

"Honestly? Nothing. But it worked and still does. The Big Guy likes me."

"Well, I hope he continues to." He ate another spoonful. "What about that walking American flag?"

"Steve is… Steve. He is good, through and through. He understands me better than I o myself sometimes. I don't know why he loves me, but he does and it makes me insanely happy."

"Sure, but does he have to be American?" Ivan rolled his eyes playfully and winked at her. "I hope he treats you well."

"He does. Better than I'd deserve."

"And now tell me what you didn't tell me yet."

Natasha sighed. "Do you have to go all agent on me?"

"Spill it, little one."

"I'm pregnant. I don't know how or why, but Bruce confirmed it. Thrice. She's due in spring."

"She?"

Natasha shrugged. "Just a feeling. It's too soon to tell yet."

Ivan stood up cumbersomely, opened a drawer and took out whatever was in there. Then he placed a battered children's book in front of Natasha. "I think you need it more than me, now."

Natasha blinked a few times quickly to fight against the hotness behind her eyes. "You kept it?"

Ivan only shrugged in response.

"Thank you." With her index she traced the letters on the cover, then she stopped suddenly. "They can never know."

"They won't," Ivan replied instantly. "Not from me. Gotta keep you save now at least. I… I should have never brought you there. I should have listened to my gut and took you far away."

"No." Natasha shook her head. "I wouldn't be who or where I am today without you. I would've never met Steve. It's good how it is."

"I'll only tell you one last time, little one: stop crying. There's no need."

* * *

 **2\. A/N This... didn't go exactly as planned, but I kinda like the outcome and I hope you do, too. Have a nice week.**


	77. Memory (011)

**A/N Hello guys, I hope you have happy Easter or at east a nice, long weekend. Here's a little something for you.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much

MaRiA.Z.A: Yeah, to be honest, Ivan got only shaped during writing; at the beinning I had no idea how he was like. But thank you very much :) I'll see what I can do concering more of her past, stay tuned!

Invader Johnny: Yeah, I get what you mean. Again, this wasn't something I planned. To tell you a secret, the characters often do stuff I hadn't planned that way

Vivienne: Thank you very much :) Here's your request by the way, I hope you like it

NacyBadVamp: Welcome to the club! Thank you very much. Concerning Maria, I'll see what I can do, promise :)

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much! I came to like Ivan, too, and I somehow regret not having him introduced sooner.

* * *

Title: Memory (#11)

Characters: Natasha, Tony

Word count: ~1,285

* * *

Natasha held still while one of the medics was checking her neck, her own eyes looking without seeing. Since after DC she'd known who he was and what part he'd played in forming her. It had hurt more than it should that he hadn't recognized her.

"I looked at the footage," Tony suddenly spoke up. He looked weird with the broken sunglasses and his black eye. "You didn't fight him. Barnes. He almost squeezed the life out of you and _you didn't fight back_. May I ask why? Is this some sort of assassin's code? Because if so, we really need to talk about priorities."

"There's no code," she answered still hoarsely and hopped from the desk to put her jacket back on when the medic released her.

"When you talked to him while he was force-choking you, what did you say? Were you trying to get through to him?"

"Tony…"

"Fine." Tony shrugged and pulled out his phone. "Friday, get me the feed. Work through it with the new lip-reading program and give us audio results."

"On it, Sir," a female Irish voice answered. Not even half a minute later, a voice that sounded distinctly like Natasha's own, said: _You could at least recognize me_.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Now that's interesting. Shall I play it again?"

"That guy shot me twice already," Natasha answered irritated. "If I'm shooting someone twice and he's still alive, I would know his face."

"Stop bullshitting me! That's no reason to not fight back." Tony took a deep breath. "Look, it's been a long day. For all of us. But if you don't want Cap to know you're crushing on his childhood friend, then I won't tell him."

At that Natasha's head whipped around. "What's Steve got to do with that?"

"Please, I have like an implemented radar for sexual attraction. Have you _seen_ the puppy eyes he gives you?"

"He gives everyone the puppy eyes."

"No. To me he gives the father eyes. I'm just saying-"

"You're saying what?" Natasha's voice got dangerously low and even the medic that had stuck around out of curiosity found it a good time to leave and close the door rather loudly behind him.

Against all instinct, Tony's voice grew softer. "You look like you need a friend. I know you barely tolerate me, but Barton's not here right now. If you choose to tell me, I won't tell anyone."

"You can keep a secret?" Natasha raised an eyebrow but she didn't sound as hostile as before.

"I kept the fact that I was dying from everyone." Tony shrugged again.

"Except from me."

"Except from you." Though he wasn't as acquainted with her as Clint was, he knew well enough silence worked better with her then prodding. They weren't that different, after all.

"I know him from the… From back in Russia. He was one of my instructors. During SHIELD's fall had had the nagging feeling I knew him from more than just Odessa. So while Steve and Sam tried to find Barton, I looked for intel about myself."

"Why didn't you remember him earlier?"

"Because they wiped me. Both of us, actually. It wasn't uncommon," she told him in a kind of detached voice. "Whenever one of their assets showed signs of humanity, they'd wipe their mind, turning them back into machines. When Clint found me, I was already freelancing for a while. Otherwise I'd have him killed without blinking."

"Why do you wanna keep it secret? What's wrong about you knowing each other?" Tony crossed his arms and leant against the wall. "It changes nothing, right? Spangles is still going to try and save him."

"No, for the moment it changes nothing at all. Whether that'll change once he remembers me, I don't know yet."

"How do you know he doesn't know you yet?"

Again it took Natasha some time to answer. "His eyes," she finally offered quietly. "I would have seen it in his eyes."

Tony eyed her closely for a moment. "He _was_ more than just your instructor, right?"

"That obvious, huh?"

"Not for people that don't know you. But like it or not, we spent some time together by now." Tony shrugged. "And for protocol, I'm not judging you."

"How comes?"

"What _is_ there to judge, Natasha? You love – or loved, anyways – a guy who you got close to back in the day. Maybe he's still one of the bad guys, maybe not. Maybe you still love him, maybe not. It happens."

Natasha shook her head and refused to look him in the eye. "It's not as easy as that."

"It's never easy."

"I fear I could be compromised because of what was back then. I fear it clouds my judgement." When she now met Tony's gaze, her eyes were fiery. "But I can't let him hurt any of you."

"Aww, stop it, Red, or I might get the impression you care for me," Tony remarked and winked at her.

Against her will, Natasha smiled. "I already told you you were right; how can I possibly boost your ego more?"

"Alright, as flattering as that is, don't evade. Were you two really as close as that it might be a problem now?"

"Why? You're not believing I could have been able to fall in love?"

"Oh, no, nuh-uh." Tony held his hands up as to stop her physically. "You're not starting a fight so you don't have to answer the question." His gaze grew just a fraction softer. "You know, we're a team. For a long time now, actually. We're even family. You can tell me without having to fear I'll laugh at you or tell anyone. I'm your friend. Or at least I hope I am. Plus, I'm scared shitless of you, so do you really think I'd kiss and tell? Please, give me some credit. I'm not _that_ suicidal."

"You're not?" Natasha smiled half-heartedly and took a seat on the table. "I grew up with stories of the infamous Winter Soldier. When he was supposed to train me, it was an honour you can't possibly imagine. He should prep me for my own assignments, so I accompanied him on several of his own and- well, slowly, we fell in love. He took care of me; something no one has ever done for me before. He treated me like I was more than a killing machine. He called me _doll_ when it was just the two of us, but he couldn't explain where the nickname came from. And when I was taught seduction, I practiced on him. We even made a bet out of it." She smiled in remembrance. "He almost always lost. No matter what, I felt _alive_ with him."

"Sounds good."

"Too good to be true." Natasha sighed. "We… we wanted to run away. Together. Start a life somewhere we could whoever we wanted to be. Do whatever we wanted. _Feel_ whatever we wanted. But well, of course the KGB somehow got wind of us. They caught us the night we anted to run." When Natasha fell silent this time, Tony didn't speak up. Finally, after a long time, she continued. "They tortured him and made me watch. Then the other way around, all night. If we hadn't been that good, they would have killed us. But they wiped us instead and so all that was left was a feeling of emptiness and anger I couldn't explain. And the memory of blue eyes with a fleeting thought that there had to be a different life from the one I had been leading."

"Maybe we can get him back. Maybe he'll remember you."

"Yes," Natasha said quietly, a sad smile curving her lips. "Maybe."

* * *

 **2\. A/N It's rather on the shorter side, I think, but I hope you like it either way. It was fun working with those two again; I think they have a great dynamic that's good for fun and jokes but also serious talk. What do you think?**


	78. Rejection (060)

**A/N Hello guys,I'm sorry it took me so long but life was crazy these last weeks and I honestly had no time to write. This evening I'm going to watch Infinity War. This oneshot has nothing to do with it (like at all) but should the next one contain possible spoilers, I'll mark it for you at the beginning, so you can watch the movie first. That a deal?**

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you very much, I'm happy you liked it and I kept that balance (just gonna trust your judgement on that ;) )

Trinket97: I hope that's a good thing ;)

DarylDixon'sLover: Yeah, I'm sorry for that. But to be honest, it didn't seem like a cheery topic to begin with when I started writing

Invader Johnny: I think there's hope... or at least I hope there is. Maybe, in some universe, those two got happy with each other after all

MaRiA.Z.A: Yeah, they got this thing going on ;) I'm sure they do care a lot about each other, which is why Nat changing sides in Civil War hurt both of them. I'm afraid you hate it even more once this collection ist finished than you did started reading...

Vivienne: Thank you very much! No, thank you for giving me that request ;) To be honest, if it is linked then only by accident cause I didn't mean to... Can you pinpoint which chapter you meant?

Natascha Romanoff: Thank you very much!

* * *

Title: Rejection (#60)

Characters: Natasha, Fury, Hill

Word count: ~

* * *

Natasha continued to stare at Fury after Steve and Sam had left the room to prepare themselves. Anger waged within her and she held on tightly to the tiny slip of control that was still left. She was well aware that Maria lurked somewhere at the door but she didn't care. Never before had she felt such an all-consuming rage.

"Just spit it out. We don't have time," Fury reminded her. Although his tone was harsh as always his eye conveyed softer emotions. Maybe it were the pain killers.

"You didn't trust me. When you suspected HYDRA within SHIELD you came to Rogers for help. Not to me. Why that? Did you really think I could be HYDRA?"

"I couldn't be sure," Fury began but Natasha standing abruptly shut him up again.

She slammed her hands on the table and felt her stitches ripping. She didn't care. "Bullshit! You _know_ me. Years ago you trusted I honestly defected. What reason did I give you to doubt my loyalty?"

"Romanoff," Maria warned her but Fury raised his hand to stop her. "Natasha, we both know you only hold loyalty towards Clint."

"How can you _say_ that? Do you honestly believe I don't hold any loyalty towards you? Or SHIELD?" She started pacing in anger, all of her training to keep her emotions in check forgotten. Never had betrayal hurt so much. "Then why would I have fought in New York after we retrieved Clint? Why would I risk my life in some base in New Jersey? Why would I face off the Winter Soldier after he almost killed me the first time?" Natasha turned to Fury, her voice slightly shaking just as her hands did. "Do you honestly believe I care for anyone but Clint?"

"I never gave you reason to harbour any warm, fuzzy feelings towards me. Or do you really want me to believe I'm close to the same level of affection as Clint is? I know lying and manipulating is our profession but being pissed at not knowing all the secrets and-"

"You think that's what this is about? No, Nick, far from it." Natasha drew in a laborous breath to calm herself. "I get that you came to Steve after you encountered the Winter Soldier. I do. There's no universe where he could be HYDRA. And that you trusted Maria as your second, nothing wrong with please tell me why I didn't make it on that list. You were the one to _grant_ me that second chance Clint had offered me. From that moment on I owed you as much as I did him. From that moment on you had my loyalty."

Silence reigned for a long time after her declaration, only disturbed by the machines constantly checking on Fury's vitals. Neither dared breaking the staredown Natasha and Fury were engaged in after she fifnished speaking.

Then, finally, Fury's eye grew a fraction softer. "I'm sorry," he said with earnest in his voice. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"When you seemingly died in that hospital..." Natasha shook her head, willing the burning behind her eyes and the waver in her voice to vanish. "When I saw you die, I felt like after losing Phil. Like losing a part of the small family I had." After another calming breath she met his gaze more directly. "What made you think I could be HYDRA?"

Fury took his time answering, but when he did he didn't evade her stare. A stare that would have made lesser men shiver. "I don't know you, Natasha," he flat out stated. "Clint - and for some time now, Rogers, too - is the only person you allow yourself to let your guard down with. I didn't trust you enough because even after all those years I barely know you. And maybe you don't even know yourself yet."

"I trusted you not to let me down," Natasha retorted. "But maybe you're right. Maybe I don't know who I am."

"You have time enough to figure that out once we got rid of Pierce and Project Insight." And I offer to help you with any resources I still have afterwards."

Maria cleared her throat. "I hate to interrupt your mushy moment but time's running out and Romanoff need to get her stitches renewed before she can get on her way to Pierce." She held the door open for Natasha, who threw her a dirty look for being thrown out like that. "Real smooth, Hill."

"Natasha?" Fury called her back. "I'm sorry for having scared you."

Natasha hadn't turned around but she acknowledged his words with a slight incline of her head before leaving the room for good.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I'm sorry again for being very late and for the oneshot being so short, but I hope you like it either way.**


	79. Delicate (115)

**A/N Alright guys, here is the next chapter for you. I had two oneshots ready, one that I wrote after seeing the trailer (and only the trailer) of Infinity War and one that doesn't have anything to do with it all. Since I'm not sure whether the first one still could be seen as spoilery, I leave it aside for the time being and go with option number two. So, to recap all of the above: THERE ARE NO SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR IN THIS ONESHOT. I hope you enjoy and have a good first of May.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Yes, but maybe this was something that needed to be told.

MaRiA.Z.A: I'd say it's simply because he doesn't allow himself to feel that kind of trust himself and while he didn't trust her that much during Winter Soldier, I'd bet he didn't do it lightheartedly, BECAUSE he likes her. Maybe the old bear just needed a little push. I'm happy you liked it despite of its shortness and here's your spoiler-free chapter 79.

Invader Johnny: I think that's a commom feeling after the last one-shot, but this one should give you back the fuzzy feelings.

Vivienne: I think you're right, yes, he does care about her. Ooh, you mean Chapter 63, Wanton. Yes, you'r right, it could be read as a connection though it wasn't planned as such in anyway. Kinda cool, when the readers know my collection better than I do myself :D

* * *

Title: Delicate (#115)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Sarah, feat. uncles Tony, Thor and Clint and...

Word count: ~1,849

* * *

„Uncle Tony? Where are babies coming from?" The innocent question of the four-year-old girl had Tony sputtering his coffee over the table. Sarah scrunched up her nose at the mess but waited patiently for his uncle to stop coughing. He was so smart, he _had_ to know it.

"Where's that coming from?" Tony finally asked. "You saw someone pregnant?" Then he paled. "Please don't tell me it's Pepper. Yes, kids of my own someday would be awesome, but the keyword is _someday_. I am _not_ ready for this."

"What's pregnant?"

Tony took a deep breath to calm himself. "A woman is pregnant when she has a baby in her belly."

Again, Sarah scrunched up her nose. "How does it get there? Was I in mummy's belly, too?"

"Yes, but you were very tiny when you got there. Itzy-bitzy tiny. But you grew there and when you were born, you were about this size," Tony explained, using his hands to show her the size difference.

Sarah took some time to mull this information over which Tony used to clean up the mess he had created. "So all babies come from their mummy's bellies? And they just happen to grow there?"

"Well, yes and no. Yes, every baby comes from their mum's belly but they only get there in the first place when a mum and a dad love each other very much," Tony tried to phrase it. It was difficult giving her _the talk_ without giving it to her directly. Tony figured neither Steve nor Natasha would be happy about going into the details. The thought alone what Natasha would do to him made him shudder.

But his answer seemed sufficient enough for a preschooler. "Oh!" Sarah's eyes lit up. "That I understand."

"Great. And now…" Conspiringly, Tony leant closer. "Why did you ask?"

"I'm not supposed to tell."

Tony sensed his chance. Sarah was as good at keeping secrets as her father was; he would stand no chance against a mini-Nat. But as it were, it was only a little prodding necessary on his part. Or would have been anyway if Steve hadn't appeared to pick his daughter up.

"Thanks for looking after her," Steve said with an honest smile and greeted Sarah with a kiss to the crown of her head while she packed together her drawing utensils. "If Fury keeps me that long to lecture me every time Nat blows something up, we would have a problem if you wouldn't do it that often."

"Nah, noting to thank me for," Tony waved off. "I like the munchkin and it's good practice anyways."

"You and Pepper talked about having kids?"

"Don't sound so surprised. Since I'm no longer Iron Man twenty-four seven, I could support her running my company which leads to more time for both of us. Though I'm not sure it's a good idea to combine our bullheads in one little person."

Steve grinned. "People said the same thing about us when Nat was pregnant. And so far, Sarah didn't turn out nearly as bad as we imagined."

"Yeah, but imagine two of that caliber running around."

Steve laughed but was that a _blush_? "Say goodbye and thank you for staying to your uncle, Sarah. I bet your mum's waiting with dinner by now."

"Bye uncle Tony" Thanks for colouring with me." She hugged the inventor tightly.

Tony smiled and swung her around as a goodbye. "Anytime kiddo. Make sure to bring some games next time, alright?"

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Uncle Thor? Do you have a brother or a sister?"

"I happen to have both. An older sister and a younger brother."

"And how are they?" Sarah asked while letting a pruple dragon fly over their heads.

"Well, my younger brother Loki likes to play pranks but deep down, he is a good man and I'm happy to have him at my side. He lives on Asgard but comes sometimes to Midgard since I spend a lot of time here. You could have met him already, were he not afraid of your mother. Actually, you have already met him, although you will not remember. He visited shortly after your birth to take a look at you." Thor smiled in remembrance. "It has been a long time that I have seen that look of awe and softness on his face."

"And your sister?"

"Hela? She's… not exactly a nice person. As a fact, I barely know her. She… lived at a different place for most of my life, so we didn't get to know each other," Thor explained while carefully setting another stone on the pile to create the dragon's lair.

It was silent for some time, until Sarah spoke up again. "Do you think I would be a good sister?"

"The very best," Thor confirmed with a smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Just so."

"Sarah…" Thor chided gently. "You do know you can talk with me about everything that concerns you. You should not do as your parents and keep it all to yourself."

"I know, but… I _can't_ tell you," Sarah stressed and kept her gaze on the purple dragon.

Thor contemplated her for a long time. Though he _was_ curious and a bit concerned, he could honour keeping a secret. "I think you would be a good bigger sister," he finally said with a warm smile. "No, I know it for sure."

The happy smile on Sarah's face was enough reason for him to refrain from further questions.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"How far along are you?" Clint asked, leaning in the doorframe to the room Natasha and Steve occupied while staying at the farm.

Natasha looked up from the duffel she had been unpacking, confusion clear on her face. "What do you mean?"

Clint chuckled. "I'm not stupid, but alright, I spell your tells out for you. When Nathaniel greeted you today, you made sure he wasn't barreling into your front full force. Rogers constantly makes attempts at touching your belly; small, fleeting touches but suspicious nevertheless. And he carried all the stuff inside, although that could be chalked up to him being a fossil. And – most important – you didn't bring any of that vodka you always bring for our adult nights."

Not deeming it worthy a verbal response, Natasha pulled a bottle filled with clear liquid out of her duffel and handed it to Clint.

"Doesn't prove anything." Clint shrugged. "Still enough clues to prove me right."

Natasha kept quiet but it was a habit of her Clint knew all too well. "Just hit twelve weeks yesterday. We wanted to tell the both of you after dinner and the kids in a quiet moment," she finally offered quietly.

"That's awesome news! Congratulations." He hugged her tightly which Natasha returned with a chuckle. "I'm surprised Sarah hasn't spilled it yet. Or doesn't she know yet?"

"Originally we wanted to tell her after the first trimester but she figured something was different when I was sick in the mornings. She's completely over the moon and can't wait to be a big sister. And though she hasn't spilled it per se, I think Tony and Thor might suspect something depending on the questions she has asked. But that's alright, it's a good thing she wants to know everything." A fond smile played her lips but Clint could see the worry about her unborn child shine through. "Steve and I talked. I love field work but with then two kids…It's bullshit risking my life out there. I can't do that to Steve or the kids. So I'm taking a site out of your book for a change and retire from active duty. Whipping recruits and the team into shape I won't gie up so easily, though."

"Sounds like a good idea. I bet Steve's relieved to hear."

"Yeah, but it won't make waiting for him to return home any easier. Part of him wants to retire too, but another part now wants to make the world a safer place even more than before. I can't blame him. And I won't force that decision on him if I can help it. Maybe the little guy will do that with time."

"Little guy?" Clint asked with a frown. "Isn't it too soon to tell?"

"Bruce couldn't find anything on the ultrasound yet and I don't want anything invasive just to find that out, but… it feels like a boy to me. Just a gut feeling."

"Well, last time he was dead sure it was going to be a boy and then you had a Sarah," Clint winked.

Natasha chuckled. "I'd rather chalk that up to her being mischievous."

"Good point. Have you already discussed names? I know it's soon, but-"

"No, we did. Francis seems like a good option to us."

Clint snorted and rolled is eyes, returning to his spot at the door. "Now you're just messing with me."

Natasha smirked her trademark-smirk. "Of course I am. No, honestly. Sarah's already named after our parents and since Steve has little to no memories of his father and I have basically none of my own, that field is out. Steve wants to name him after our friends but we're still debating on who exactly."

"Wait? You weren't kidding about Francis? How can you do that to your child?"

~#~#~#~#~#~

"James Clinton Rogers! Get your hand out of the cookie dough, now." The little boy giggled happily, smearing the sticky dough on his fingers into Natasha's face who simply sighed. "Sarah, can you wet a towel a little bit and give it to me. I need to clean up your brother."

Sarah grinned at James's antics but did as her mother bid. "Should I get daddy to help us?"

Natasha took the towel with a smile and started cleaning off James's hands. "Yeah, try if you can find him. As long as he's not stealing our dough too." While Sarah ran off, Natasha bobbed the little boy on her hip. "You really come after your father when it's about cookies, you know that? Come to think of it, your two namesakes aren't that much better."

James gurgled happily and even more so when he saw his father entering the kitchen. "What's up, Jimmy? You annoying your mum and sister?" he greeted the boy and took him from Natasha. "Come on, let's see what the book is about uncle Clint gave us for you, alright?"

"Thank you." Natasha exchanged a kiss with Steve, smiling against his lips. "I make sure there are some cookies left for you."

"Always happy to help," he answered sincerely, laughing when James grabbed a tiny fist full of his beard. "Maybe I should shave it off."

"Don't you dare," Natasha threatened only half joking.

"Mum's right, I like how you look with the beard," Sarah chimed in and nestled against Natasha's side.

Natasha picked her up and gave her a kiss, too. "See? Two against one. Rather three, since James likes it, too."

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed as if he were the last martyr on earth. "Fine. Sarah, make sure your mum doesn't eat all the cookies, alright?"

* * *

 **2\. A/N Yes, it is mushy. Sorry, not sorry for that. I still hoped you liked it and I'm curious what you think of it. If you have any wishes for further oneshots, feel free to drop me a review or a PM. Otherwise, have a good day and until next time.**


	80. Hell-Bent (056)

**A/N Hello dear readers and welcome to the 80th instalment of this series. 80! Can you imagine? It's almost two years ago I started this and trust me, never would I have thought that I'd still have readers by now. So thank you very much, you cannot imagine how much I appreciate you reading and sometimes commenting this.**  
 **This one does take place during Infinity War, but I wrote it after seeing some of the trailer. So it definitely doesn't spoil the ending. To be honest, it doesn't really spoil anything - at least that's what I would say. Currently there are a lot of "real" Infinity War stories, so I didn't want to add something to that pile yet.**

DarylDixon'sLover: I take that as a good thing ;)

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! I had the idea of a second child for some time now. I'm glad you like James and yes, there is a possibility of him returning, though I'd rather not promise anything.

Invader Johnny: see, I told you ;) I'm glad you liked it.

Vivienne: Of course James as in James Buchanan Barnes ;) Don't think they're that close to Rhodey to be honest. And well, who aside from Tony should Sarah have asked? It was too good to pass up on. Budapest is (finally) planned as the next one, I hope you will like it.

* * *

Title: Hell-Bent (#56)

Characters: Natasha, Thor, Bruce feat. some more characters

Word count: 1,407

* * *

„Thor!" Natasha greeted him with smile once he stepped from the spaceship that had just landed in Wakanda. "It's good to see you alive."

He caught her in a bone-crushing hug. "It is good to see you, too, Natasha. Stark already told us of the team's fallout, but I am glad this can be forgotten in times of dire need when the whole universe is at stake. How have you been those last years?"

Natasha shrugged. "Same old. I made sure Clint's family was safe, then I joined up with Steve and Sam. Just because there were no Avengers left didn't mean the world stopped needing them." A small frown creased her forehead. "You said _us_. Who's us?"

"Has Stark not yet told you? I found Banner on Sakaar and brought him with me. He lived a gladiator for two years as the Hulk under the Grandmaster. Was his champion, even! Although only until he fought against me, of course."

"Of course." By now, Natasha's smile looked a fraction forced. "He decided to stay in London?"

"Stark needed his help with something, but he wanted to join us as soon as possible. Maybe Quill and his Guardians can bring him here, then."

"The Milano isn't a taxi, Asgardian guy," a man in a red jacket reprimanded, stepping off the ship like he owned it and the world. He whistled. "Looks like one of those comics I used to read as a kid. Is this real?"

"All too real, I fear," Natasha answered dryly.

Thor frowned at Quill. "Well, then maybe Dr. Strange will get him here. Is the faster option, probably."

"Dr. Strange? He was on SHIELD's radar years ago." Natasha banned that thought with a shake of her head; now was not the time. "Come on; I'm sure, Steve will want to see you too. We need to find a strategy and that rather sooner than later."

"So, you and the Captain have grown quite close, I figure?" Thor asked while Natasha lead him through the palace with fast steps. Staff who happens to be in their way, hurriedly scurried aside and stood attention until they had passed.

Natasha blamed it on Thor's looks but shrugged as answer to his question. "Being together on the run does that to you, yes. But we're not an item if that's what you were asking. Speaking of, where did you leave your hammer? Don't you think we'd need it soon?"

"Mjölnir was… destroyed when I met my sister. It's a long story. But that is why I cannot stay too long. The dwarves who forged Mjölnir might be able to grant me another weapon."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She briefly touched his arm. "And don't worry, you can tell me the whole story once you're back. At least I hope there will be time for stories when we next meet each other."

"Thank you. I will share my stories of battle while you share yours, passing a bottle of the finest mead between us," Thor promised with a smile that was tinged with sadness. "Though let's not dwell on that and speak of happier things. Banner will be glad to know that you and the Captain are not an item, as you put it."

"Will he, now?"

"Oh, yes. I'd wager he missed you these past years and looks forward to meeting you again." Thor smiled down at her, looking forward to see two of his friends reconcile in a way that would make both of them ready.

"Well, that makes one of us," Natasha answered dryly while looking stoically ahead.

"Pardon me?"

"Nevermind."

"Natasha, I think you don't understand-"

"Oh, I do," she interrupted him curtly. "We dreamt of running away together. We woke up to reality. We will both act as the grown-ups we are, call it a day and continue working together without entertaining any sort of relationship that is closer than friends or family." Natasha gave him a wry smile. "I'm a big girl, Thor. In fact, I have never entered the land of princes coming along on white horses and I never will. Bruce got angry because I forced him to turn into the Hulk although he decidedly didn't want to. I get that. I don't hold it against him that he didn't contact me; how could he, if I believe your story? But I do hold it against him that he didn't left me chance to explain why I did what I did and _that's_ something I can hold against him."

"When I tried to escape Sakaar in the quinjet he came in, somehow we – Hulk and me – managed to replay the message you sent him back then. You remember? The one where you wanted him to turn around."

"He didn't."

"No, the Hulk refused to listen. But when he saw the video of you, Banner managed to fight his way through the Hulk's control. I never saw him change so quickly and he was almost instantly himself again after the transformation. Maybe it didn't work in Sokovia because Banner was mad at you but on Sakaar… he truly missed you. And the look in his eyes reminded me of the looks my father would grace my mother with: utter adoration."

"What, you're his wingman now?"

Thor laughed. "No. But we soon will find us in dire times. And you might not get the chance to forgive him if you do not do it now."

Natasha was silent for some time. "He had been the Hulk for two years? Never changed back?" she asked finally, her voice quieter than before.

"Yes. And the Hulk didn't even want to leave Sakaar. Something about how everyone on Earth hates him and there he would be loved. It must have been a difficult time. For both of them."

They reached the room T'Challa had assigned them for meeting with one another without the prying eyes of his staff and Natasha pushed the door open only to freeze on the spot. There he was, talking with Steve and looking slightly disheveled. He only noticed her when Steve nodded a greeting in her direction and he simply froze mid-sentence, his mouth hanging slightly agape.

"Bruce," she acknowledged him with a curt nod.

"Natasha?"

"Natasha turned to Steve without further preamble. "You might wanna hear Thor's story. And see the guys who brought him here. I swear, one of them looks like he just stepped out of the eighties. Thinking of, I better make sure they behave. No need to have Okoye kicking their asses." And with that she turned around, leaving the room through the same door she just came through. Or wanted to, anyways.

"Please, cane we… Can we talk? In… private, maybe?"

Before Natasha could form an answer or walk away for good, Steve smiled an exhausted smile; she couldn't remember a time when he had not been exhausted. "Go. Talk. And when you're done, we need to be a team and find a plan."

Somehow, Natasha suspected the last part was directed mostly at her. _Traitor_. But she slightly inclined her head, showing her – albeit forced – agreement and lead Bruce to another room down the corridor. "So talk." Bruce fumbled with his glasses and evaded her gaze while he searched for the right words. While a small, diabolical part of her enjoyed his trouble, she nevertheless took pity on him. Besides, this was a two-way road. "I'm sorry I forced you to turn into the Hulk," she offered finally. "It was a decision I had to make but I didn't do it lightheartedly, if that helps anything."

"I know," Bruce answered quickly, relieved she would cooperate. "And I'm sorry the Other Guy left. Though I think that might have been a mutual decision." Silence enveloped them again until Bruce uttered a small sigh. "I don't know what we were before Sokovia. I really don't. But… do you think we could return to this then? Or start this all over? Maybe that would be the smarter way, right?"

"I don't know what we were, either," Natasha answered with a delicate shrug of one shoulder. "A lot has happened since then and neither of us is the same anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"It means we're surviving whatever it is that coming at us. And then we see whether we still want to see it work."

Bruce lips formed a soft smile. "I would like that."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I do hope you iked it although (or because?) nothing of the movie is really spoiled. There might be an Infinity War Oneshot in the far future dealing with some of the stuff that happened but I'm not sure about that yet. What do you think?**


	81. Obsession (071)

**A/N Welcome back, guys. It is finally here, the chapter you all waited for: Budapest! Jeez, I hope I did it justice...**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much!

Invader Johnny: If both of them manage to talk to each other, then yes, probably. Otherwise I'm sure Thor and Cap will intervene ;)

MaRiA.Z.A: You can bet it's payback :D Thank you very much, I'm still quite insecure when writing Thor. Before Ragnarok I found him rather hard to write but now maybe he'll appear more often. Thank you for reading and reviewing them ;)

303: Gracias, me alegra que te haya gustado

Vivienne: I'm not too happy with it either but it might be for different reasons. I'll probably need to see the next one before the verdict... But I'm glad you liked it ^^

* * *

Title: Obsession (#71)

Characters: Natasha, Clint, Tony, Steve, Maria and Bruce

Word count: ~1,145

* * *

It was after one of Tony's infamous parties. Most guests had already bid their goodbyes but the Avengers and their close friends were still sitting on the many sofas and armchairs they had pulled together to a circle, chatting and sipping at their drinks. It was the time of the night when everyone was starting to get tired but refused to go to bed because they were comfortably and did not know when the next time would be that they could sit together peacefully. It was the time of stories.

"Alright guys," Tony started, one arm loosely draped over Pepper's shoulders, the other pointing almost accusingly at the residual spies. "It really kills me not knowing and I'm willing to bet a huge amount of money that I'm not the only one. So spill the beans, Terror Twins: what happened in Budapest?"

"Can't tell you that much," Clint shrugged and sipped on his beer. "Or most of it, anyways."

Tony rolled his eyes. "I get it, it's a _I would tell you but then I'd have to kill you_ -story. But we're family! Can't you make an exception? No one will tell the pirate."

"He really can't tell you that much. Not with the big-ass concussion he had," Natasha answered with her own eye-roll that conveyed not only annoyance directed at Tony.

"Go on," Maria chimed in with a wave of her hand and wriggled to find a more comfortable position until she finally toed off her heels and pulled her feet underneath her. "You need to elaborate on that either way and besides, it's one of my favourite stories."

"Originally it wasn't meant as a two-agents-op. I had been sent to Italy to deal with the Mafia there and Nat…" He looked at his partner, frowning. "What the hell were you supposed to do, again?"

"Drug smugglers in Russia." Natasha looked at Maria with a death glare that would have made the other woman shudder if it weren't for the fact that they already knew each other long enough. "I'm still pissed _someone_ forgot to tell me they hadn't nearly enough intel to send someone in there."

Maria shrugged, refilling her glass of red wine. "You did good. And with Barton away we had to send you _somewhere_ else you'd have wrecked havoc across base."

"Okay, Italy and Russia. Then how did you both end up in Budapest?" Steve asked, clearly confused.

"I remember infiltrating the Mafia, trying to get more intel before I'd wipe them out," Clint recounted. "Problem was, I needed to do some stuff to gain their trust. Stuff I really don't wanna talk about, but the guy showing me how to use a bow would have been proud. Was one of my longest undercover ops, but you get used to those things eventually. Some weeks later they went to Budapest to buy a new drug they wanted to bring to Italy. Like a good little agent, I checked in beforehand-"

"For once in your life," Maria muttered audible.

"-and somehow they noticed. Was too late to leave my sorry ass behind and they couldn't kill me yet, so they hit me over the head. When I came to it again, I was tied up to a chair and felt sick to the bone but everything else is pretty much a blur."

"Wasn't exactly my best month, either," Natasha took over and shrugged. "Problem was, the boss was into redheads, just not the female ones. Which one could have known beforehand, just saying. So they pumped me full of their drug to find out who sent me… Business as usual." She looked down for the fraction of a second before continuing in a slightly smaller voice. "I'm trained to have a pretty high tolerance concerning all the different drugs. But whatever they concocted in their labs… it pretty much floored me. They couldn't gain much intel from me but that was rather due to the hallucinations I had. There's not much to scare me. Aside from a Hulk, maybe." She shot a fleeting smile in Bruce's direction. "But let's just say the Chitauri weren't far from what I was seeing back then. They went to Budapest to sell their stuff and took me with them. Whether out of fondness or so they could show their buyers the effects, I don't know."

"So as you might already suspected," Clint continued to tell their tale, "yes, both our targets did business together. Quite regularly, assumingly." He showed his teeth in a big grin. "Though they evaded SHIELD for some time, they weren't the brightest. They put us both in one cellar."

"Big mistake, I reckon," Tony said and returned the grin. "So you just ended both your missions in Budapest?"

"In short, yes. But first I needed to recalibrate Clint's brain. The drug wore slowly off; not enough to get rid off the hallucinations, but enough so I could start to think more clearly. So at least one of us could think of a plan."

"Okay, but… you needed to do what to Clint?"

"Recalibrate his brain." Natasha shrugged nonchalantly. "I hit him on the head."

"You did what?!" Bruce sounded positively shocked. "He had a concussion!"

"It didn't do him any harm." The red-head made a motion as if to chase away a fly. "Just his aim was a bit off for the day."

Clint scoffed. "My aim's never off, woman."

"Uh-huh."

"Anyways," Clint continued after sending Natasha another death glare. "We managed both to complete our assignments, gain some intel _and_ survive this crap although we weren't in our best shape."

Tony frowned. "So you took out a bunch of Mafiosi _and_ a Russian mob all the while one of you had a concussion and the other was seeing aliens? I don't buy it."

"I'm not saying picking the lock was particular easy," Natasha scoffed. "Or getting some weapons. Or taking out the guys watching the stairs."

"Yeah, Nat almost skewered me with my own arrow."

"I thought you don't remember much."

"I don't," Clint verified. "But there is this one scar that I only had _after_ this assignment and it looks suspiciously like a wound from an arrow."

Natasha shrugged and looked in the round. "You can either believe us, or not. Or you look into the files I put only years ago."

"Budapest isn't online," Maria retorted. "Was completely off the books from the start."

Tony scoffed and pouted. "Great. So either believe an unbelievable story or live the rest of my life not knowing what happened there? You're a cruel bunch."

Natasha shrugged and winked at Clint. "Maybe you learn to believe the spy's stories for once. Or you don't."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Well, what do you think? Did Budapest happen the way the two are telling it or are they just messing with Tony and the rest?**


	82. Provoke (033)

**A/N Hello guys and welcome to another instalment. I hope you had a good week ^^**

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much ^^ Yeah, it's probably not all true they are telling them

Invader Johnny: Hell yeah it is ^^

Vivienne: I think being secretive is just inherent in Natasha from her childhood on. Thank you very much and thank you for reading

wavingthroughawindow: Thank you ^^ Yeah, if they're good at something it's messing with guys.

* * *

Title: Provoke (#33)

Characters: Natasha, Clint, Rumlow, Coulson

Word count: 1,237

* * *

„I bet she jumped his bones, that's why he didn't kill her," Rumlow hissed and spit out. "Not that I'd fucking blame her. I'd screw her if she wasn't so fucking scary."

"What was that you were saying?" Clint's voice dropped and Rumlow whirled around, not having heard his footsteps. Sure enough, one step behind the archer stood the redheaded Russian. "She's not the enemy anymore, Rumlow; you do good to remember that. And I'm professional enough to see beyond how a person looks. Maybe you should try that, too."

Rumlow scowled. "Is that so? So it was her charming personality that stilled your finger on the trigger? We all know your Russian stray has been trained in the… _art_ of seduction. Maybe she cares to give us a taste of her abilities."

Before Clint could even think to respond, Natasha pounced Rumlow, broke his wrist and pinned him to the floor. That all happened in the blink of an eye. "I can show you what I'm capable of but it's not in the way you'd like," she whispered almost sweetly. It took everyone another moment to process what happened. Then some of Rumlow's friends pulled Natasha away from him and more agents ran towards them to restrain her. She didn't resist but her gaze promised even more pain.

Clint sighed. He'd rather not had her hear that, if only so she wouldn't get herself in trouble. She'd only been released from holding a few days ago. He could only watch as they brought her to a cell.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"You shouldn't have done that, Nat," Clint said by way of greeting as he brought her something to eat. Natasha seemed completely at ease. "Now they have even more reason to think there's something more between us."

Natasha shrugged, ignoring her meal. "All the better."

"I don't understand."

She rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing. "If they had found the one you're fucking with, no one will look any further. And why should they?"

"You mean…" Realization dawned in his eyes. "But what about your reputation?"

Natasha scoffed and for a moment Clint thought he'd seen the beginnings of a smile. "What reputation? They already think I solve all my problems and missions with sex." The ghost of a smile vanished and Natasha signed rapidly: If that's my chance to protest them, I'll do it.

"You don't have to… Wait, how do you know I sign?" Clint frowned.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "You use it while talking sometimes. Also your hearing aids are topnotch but I already noticed them on our first encounter."

"Yeah, thanks for the hit by the way," Clint snorted and crossed his arms. "You damaged one of them pretty bad."

"You were fine," Natasha shrugged. "And I'm fine, too. Let Rumlow and his apes talk. Let them watch us. And let them think we're more than just colleagues."

"We are. More, I mean. You're my friend, Nat. And I'm yours."

Natasha smiled as if he'd said something very stupid. "I won't say it again, Barton; I don't have any friends."

Clint had the audacity to smile. "Bet that'll change. _I'll_ make it change."

Natasha only rolled his eyes in answer.

~#~#~#~#~#~

With a loud _thump_ Rumlow's back hit the mats, Natasha sitting astride him. The look she gave him was cold as a Siberian winter's night. "Sloppy," she finally said, standing up gracefully and giving him a kick for good measure.

"If me being sloppy ends up with you sitting on my lap, then I let you kick my ass every day."

"Dream on." Natasha was used to comments like those over her time with SHIELD; although most agents were too scared to tell her to her face. Still, it didn't mean she had to like them.

Rumlow chuckled and went to grab his water bottle. "Not yet tired of Barton? Come on, Romanoff, what's life without some fun? And I _am_ fun."

"Is that so? Then I'm afraid I don't need any more fun in my life." Natasha wiped her face with a towel and went for her own water bottle. She hated training with Rumlow ever since but as a part of DELTA they were supposed to at least work together without killing each other. Though they were supposed to know all of their partners inside and out, Natasha would rather work with only one partner.

"No, honestly," Rumlow started anew and leant against the wall in a way he thought made him irresistible. It didn't. "What's Barton got we other mortals don't? I mean, if he were Captain America, I'd understand."

"Maybe it starts with him not being an asshole, Rumlow," Natasha answered annoyed. Then she smirked suggestively. "And let's say it doesn't hurt he knows some tricks from his time being a carnie." She'd be lying if she said she hadn't even once thought about Clint in that way; he was attractive in a rugged sort of way. But his friendship meant too much to her to risk it for sex and, even more important, he was married. She might had a certain reputation but that didn't mean it was built just on truth.

"That was way more info then I wanted to have," Rumlow answered with an exaggerated shudder. "so what, I need to learn some carnie tricks before you open your… _doors_ for me?"

"Dream on, Rumlow," Natasha repeated and threw her water bottle aside. "Come on. Or are you already tired?"

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Natasha asked and raised her eyebrows at Coulson. "Was something in your coffee? Clint swapped the normal milk with the soy variant." She turned back to the report about the last mission she had to file. It was her turn for the tenth time in a row after losing against Clint at billard. Never play against an ex-carnie and place your free-time at stake.

"There were some rumours I heard," Coulson stated, ignoring her comment and closing the door behind him. "And I'd like to know whether they are true or not."

"You yourself told me that I' have to go to Hill to learn the newest gossip," Natasha answered, scribbling away. "So what are you doing here?"

Coulson pulled Clint's vacant chair nearer and sat down. "Because I rather hear it straight from the horse's mouth."

Natasha looked up, one eyebrow still raised. "Metaphors? That's how serious this talk is?"

"You and Clint… What's going on between the two of you? You know I have to assign you to separate teams should you be engaged in a relationship."

"Coulson," Natasha started patiently, "are you serious? Clint told me you know about Idaho, so why are you asking me that? Yes, I did and I do awful things but even I have boundaries. And there's way too much I owe him and Laura to abuse their trust I'm not really sure I deserve in the first place in that way. So whatever you heard, I swear it's not true."

Coulson smiled gently. "I thought so. But you know I had to ask, right?"

"Of course."

Coulson nodded and stood up again. "I'm sure they appreciate it. I know I do." It was an open secret Clint was Coulson's favourite, almost a son. "And make sure Clint's writing the next few reports. I'd go for poker."

Natasha smirked. "I'll give it a try."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I'm sorry it's again rather on the short side but I hope you like it nevertheless. If you want anything special written, please let me know :)**


	83. In Between Worlds (001)

**A/N Hello folks. Headache or no, I just had to get this done; it's been sitting in the back of my head for ages now. I hope you ike it.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much.

Invader Johnny: Thank you. Yes, even (or especially) Natasha has her principles

MaRiA.Z.A: I find it difficult to write them romantically in any way but I think they depict the best friendship out of all of them. And yes, I also think of Coulson as more than just their handler. Thank you for your review.

Vivienne: Thanks a lot, I'm happy you liked it.

* * *

Title: In Between Worlds (#1)

Characters: Natasha, Clint, Tony Steve, Sarah and James

Word count: ~ 1,616

* * *

Natasha shot and rolled behind a rock while gun fire erupted around her. "Tony, what's up with the server? You found it? I kinda have a situation out here." She carefully crept around returning the fire.

"On it, Red," Tony answered curtly. "Destroying it isn't the problem but FRIDAY is working on downloading data. Might take some time."

"Just try to work as fast as possible," Clint's voice could be heard via comms, too. There was a small explosion in the background.

Natasha discarded the empty clip and reloaded. "Why exactly is this just a three guys op? I'd like to have the big guy here. Or Steve."

Clint sounded slightly stressed as he answered. "According to intel three would have been more than enough."

"When will we ever learn not to trust intel? Natasha sighed and took out two more goons. Although it wasn't the first time – and probably wouldn't be the last one – a mission turned out worse or more difficult than thought, it still made her nervous. For some years now there were more people she had to think about than just herself; people who depended on her coming home safely.

"Okay, FRIDAY got everything we need. I'm gonna blow this thing up and then we can go home," Tony announced. "Duck and cover, guys!"

The facility was still smoking when the quinjet was leaving en route to New York. Tony typed in the coordinates while his armour was still disassembling. Natasha and Clint changed into more comfortable clothes; neither cared a lot for privacy since they had patched each other together often enough.

"You got hit," Clint suddenly said; it wasn't a question. He gently turned Natasha around to get a better look at the wound on her upper arm. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Just a grazing shot," Natasha answered with a shrug and slipped in a pair of sweats. "No big deal."

"I know," Clint said with a small smile. "But you're bleeding and if I'm crashing at your place I'd rather patch you up beforehand so I don't get into trouble. So play nice and sit down."

Natasha rolled her eyes good-naturedly but did as he bid and sat down on one of the seats at the side. Tony, who had heard their conversation, brought the first-aid kit and winked. "Don't want Mini-Red and Mini-Cap to lynch me just because I brought you back injured.

"I think you're pretty safe after the new gaming console," Natasha said while Clint cleaned the wound. "Though Steve and I need to talk to you about that. You _need_ to talk to us if you want to buy them such expensive stuff."

"I didn't _buy_ it," Tony snorted disdainfully and crossed his arms. "Please. I _built_ it."

"That does _not_ make a difference, Tony!"

He rolled his eyes in answer. "Fine, next time I'll ask you for permission first. Alright?"

"Thank you." Natasha took a look at Clint's work and nodded appreciatingly. "Looks good."

"You're welcome," Clint answered, clasping her shoulder.

Tony followed Natasha in the cockpit after she slipped into a sweater and let himself fall into the co-pilot's seat. "Thanks for stepping in, by the way," he said in earnest. "I swear, I thought it was a small in and out kind of thing. I know you don't want to do the big stuff anymore, so… I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Natasha answered with a shrug and a smile. "It did end up well, so don't worry. And I needed to get out for a few hours."

"The munchkins being annoying?"

"Not more than you," Natasha quipped. "But Steve gets regularly with working at SHIELD while I stay at home most of the time. I love Sarah and James, don't get me wrong, but sometimes…"

"Sometimes you wanna be more than mommy spider?" Tony asked.

"Not exactly more, but… someone different. Someone I know."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Mommy!" The shout of the children greeted Natasha once she stepped inside, Clint on her heels. She dropped the duffel where she stood, kneeled and hugged Sarah and James tightly. "We thought you'd be coming back yesterday."

"Yeah, it took a little longer," she admitted regretfully and kissed her children. But it was Steve she looked at when she added: "I'm sorry."

He nodded in answer and then went to greet them himself. "I'm glad you're back in one piece," he said, pulled Natasha tightly to himself before he let go of her and hugged Clint. "Thanks for bringing her home, Clint. Just fell at home, okay?"

"Always," answered the archer grinning.

James tugged at his sleeve. "Uncle Clint? Can we go and play outside?"

"Pretty please?" Sarah came to her brother's help.

Clint raised playfully one eyebrow. "Can I eat something first?"

"No!" the children replied together and pulled him with them.

Steve watched them with a shake of his head but couldn't suppress a smile. "You wanna help cooking dinner?"

"Sure thing." Natasha toed off her boots and followed him into the kitchen. "How did it go while-"

His kiss kept her from ending her question and although surprised Natasha returned it with the same fervor. "I was so worried," Steve finally mumbled, cradling her face in his hands. "When you didn't come home yesterday, all sorts of thoughts were running through my head. What if something happened to you? How could I explain Sarah and James? What if-"

Now it was Natasha's turn to interrupt him. "I'm here with only a scratch. I'm fine. _We're_ fine. Tony didn't know it would bloat up like this; the facility was better guarded than thought. Still, I'm sorry."

"I know," Steve sighed. "And I won't tell you to not go on missions anymore. You don't ask that of me, either. But it's hard to wait and not be able to do a single thing. "

"I talked with Tony about the gaming console," Natasha said if only to deter his thoughts. "He promised to not give them overly expensive gifts without our consent anymore. Maybe we need to remind him before next Christmas."

"I'm sure we have to." Steve finally let go of her and turned to place a chopping board and a knife on the counter. "You're chopping the vegetables and I'm taking care of the steaks?"

"Lead the way, soldier," Natasha answered with a smirk and took the knife in hand.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"And the prince returned with the princess to his castle where they got married and lived happily ever after." Natasha carefully closed the book and smiled. Both children were using her as their pillow as they had fallen asleep during the bedtime story. She loved doing this ever since. Although Sarah was old enough to read stories by herself now, she still fell asleep when Natasha read one to her. As usual they had cuddled together in the giant armchair Steve had bought ages ago on a flea market during her first pregnancy.

"They asleep?" Steve asked quietly from the door.

"Yeah. You're taking Sarah?"

Steve nodded and went to pick up his daughter. Still sitting, Natasha held James close as to not let him fall while standing up; it was only thanks to years of practice and her trained elegance that she didn't topple over. It amazed her time and time again, how James and Sarah could grow so big. As if it were the most natural thing to do, James arms snaked around her neck and he burrowed his face in the crook of her neck.

"I'm glad you back," he mumbled, sleep thick on his voice. "Missed you."

"I missed you, too, James," Natasha answered quietly and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"I was scared. I thought you never come back."

"I will always try to come back to you. Always. Pinky promise."

The boy held onto her when Natasha tried to lay him down. "Do you have to save the world?"

Natasha kept silent for a moment. She understood her son all too well but as much as she cared for her family, she had a second family that occasionally needed her help. And she was not yet ready to give up field work completely. "Uncle Clint and uncle Tony needed my help this time, but… See, it's difficult. I wish I wouldn't have to go but there are bad people who really want to do bad things. And I would like that when you and Sarah are grown-ups, you don't have to fight and save the world. That's why your dad and I have to go every now and then. Do you understand that?"

James nodded after a while and finally let go of her so she could tuck him in. "I'm still scared when you go."

"I know. And I'm sorry for that. But it's not every week. I used to do that a lot more before Sarah and you were born," Natasha recounted and kissed him gingerly on the forehead. "How about we find something fun to do tomorrow we all can do?"

"Mhm." Few moments later he was sound asleep again.

Natasha watched him for a short while longer, then she tiptoed out of the room. Steve was waiting for her outside and pulled her close for a kiss. "Clint's already snoring. I'd say we call it a night, too?"

"I'm in." Natasha smiled up to him. "It's good to be home."

"I'm glad you're back." Then he looked at her with his stern Captain America look, although there was mischief to be detected in his eyes. "Though we need to talk about those stitches on your arm. That's neither staying safe nor just a scratch."

Natasha rolled her eyes and kissed him again.


	84. Drowning (091)

**A/N Hello guys, I'm sorry I missed our date last week, so here's an extra long chapter for you!**

currently readingg: Here is your prompt, I hope you like it :)

romanovascap: Thank you very much ^^

Invader Johnny: You bet she knows, though she sometimes needs a while to figure it out.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much, I'm happy you liked it and James especially

Guest: I'm sorry, then this collection probably won't be for you concerning the more romantic chapters. Sadly, Clintasha is one of the only ships I really cannot write because the work so good as friends, that I would hate to rip Natasha off that friendship. I'm sorry, but you could probably read this one as Clintasha, if you're feeling better with that (though it really isn't intended that way)

* * *

Title: Drowning (#91)

Characters: Natasha and Clint

Word count: ~ 1,910

* * *

„Since the reunion of the Avengers two months past, experts are still puzzling over the Sokovia Accords. Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, announced his lawyer will look into the document one more time to check whether it does violate any rights that would render it illegal. He claimed that James Buchanan Barnes, former World War II hero and KGB assassin who killed Stark's parents, is now an integral part of the team, bound to clean his name. Our expert-"

Natasha shut off the tv and continued eating her dinner. Two months ago she had witnessed the reunion of her friends before she had continued on her solo path. While making sure she wasn't found easily, she still had kept tabs on them. There had been problems, of course. Having two alpha males like Tony and Steve in one room was difficult by default. But it seemed to work somehow again since they went on missions and lived together without killing each other.

"Maybe one day I'll introduce you to all of them," she announced, looking at the dog that was dozing on her sofa. Lucky moved his tail lazily twice but Natasha seemed satisfied with the response. She had found him shorty after she had gone on the run, tied to a post in the middle of nowhere, hungry and dirty. First she had only wanted to take him home, wash him and fed him and then find his owner. But there hadn't been a dog tag on his collar and he didn't have an implanted chip. The vet had proposed to bring him to a shelter, but Natasha hadn't been able to do that. Not after he had looked at her with sad eyes. So she bought the necessary equipment and food and named him Lucky. At least her old team wouldn't be looking for a woman with a dog.

"We might need to move soon," she continued while cleaning away her plate. "Though we've been careful, Clint might already be on our trail. He knows my tricks, after all. What about a bigger city? You'd be up for it? Italy should be nice this time of the year."

Should she be concerned that she was talking to an animal as if it would understand her. Probably. Perhaps it was just the isolation catching up on her. If Natasha was honest, she didn't really care. She moved to sit on the sofa but even with Lucky's head in her lap she couldn't quite calm down. She felt restless without being able to pinpoint why. The part of her that was spy wanted to run as far and as fast away as possible, not feeling quite safe in this apartment anymore.

Lucky picking up on her unease, jumped from the sofa and whined softly. Natasha smiled involuntarily. "Yeah, a walk seems like a good idea. Let's go." She slipped in a pair of boots, took the leash from the wardrobe and connected it with Lucky's collar before exiting and closing the door carefully behind her.

Natasha turned to the park not far from where she was living and burrowed her nose deeper in the scarf slung around her neck. It was cold for November already and fog made it difficult to see very far. Most other women would probably be scared wandering around like this in the dark, even with a large dog at their side but for Natasha it was soothing. She had little to fear and the night had always been her favourite time.

Reaching the park, she let Lucky off the leash so he could explore a bit. Since he tended to stay near her from the day she brought him home, Natasha wasn't too worried that he strayed off too far.

It was hard not really knowing what was going on at the Avengers' facility. With Steve and Tony under one roof, there probably was some tension they had to deal with. Still, with news anchors as her next to only source she didn't exactly sleep tight at night. But that was something Natasha had to deal with. She _had_ to keep her distance, FRIDAY would catch her snooping around rather sooner than later and then she was easily traceable. It was a risk she could not take. The only one who knew how to contact her was Nick and she'd made him _swear_ to only do so if really necessary. She wasn't ready yet to meet her old teammates and explain her actions. She didn't know whether she'll ever be ready for that.

Suddenly, Lucky was back at her side. He held his head low and the fur in his neck was slightly standing up. "What's going on?" she asked quietly and buried one hand in his fur to hold tight on his collar, just in case it was just a jogger. She wasn't afraid per se but in the few months he was living with her she had never seen him like that before. The quiet growl Lucky was emitting didn't exactly help things.

Then, as suddenly as it had begun, he was back to normal. Lucky huffed happily, then went off with a wagging tail to explore some more. Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Got scared by a squirrel?" Of course she didn't get an answer. They ended their walk after another hour until Natasha had calmed down enough so she could at least try to sleep.

They soon reached the apartment again, Lucky happy and content. But once more, when Natasha turned the key and opened the door, Lucky started to growl and bare his teeth. For a moment Natasha regretted not having taking a gun with her; then again, Nadia Ryder didn't even know how to use a gun.

She appreciated Lucky wanted to protect her but she was afraid he might go hurt; Ross's men wouldn't care whether they'd hurt a dog or not when they had the chance to arrest a fugitive. "Stay," she told him quietly but firmly and put emphasize on her command with a gesture of her hand. Lucky obviously didn't like the order but followed nevertheless and laid down, his body taut with anticipation.

With a last look Natasha made sure he would stay at the door, then she entered her apartment as quietly as death herself. For some seconds, nothing happened. Then, suddenly, a shadow moved where none should have been able to move. Quick as a snake, Natasha pounced and smashed the intruder's head into the doorframe of the kitchen. He recovered faster than she had hoped and, with a movement that seemed eerily familiar, threw her to the ground and pinned her arms.

"Well, that's a welcome if I've ever had one," he panted.

"Clint?" But before Natasha could investigate any further, Lucky slammed into her old partner full force to knock him off her. The dog's growling face was inches from Clint's, teeth bared and snapping at the man whenever he dared to move.

"Good doggo," Clint mumbled and tried to hold as still as possible. "Uh, Nat? Help?"

Natasha pushed her surprise aside for the moment and switched on the light. "Lucky, stay back! And down. Lay down."

Lucky looked at her doubtfully but backed of finally and laid down so he could observe Clint _and_ block the way to the front door.

"Clint eyed him carefully and slowly stood up to face Natasha who had her arms crossed. "I expected to have to fight you but your dog seemed nicer from afar."

"His name's Lucky," Natasha explained unnecessarily and leant against the wall. "So it was you in the park?"

"Yeah, I guess. If I had known he's that protective of you…" Clint raised an eyebrow. "You're pissed I'm here."

"I'm pissed you found me," Natasha answered. "I thought changing my number would send the right message."

"I thought you'd like to know that Stark and Rogers are getting along… Well, as much as they two are able to. There's no need for you to stay on the run. According to Steve, T'Challa won't tae any actions against you and with Stark's army of lawyers, Ross is the least of your problems. The team's missing you, Nat, and my family too would like to see you again."

"Maybe I don't want to come back," Natasha challenged. "Leading a normal life. Having a nine-to-five-job and a dog. No aliens except for video games."

"You don't _play_ video games," Clint pointed out gently. "And you're taking a martial arts class, kicking all the other's butts. You're giving ballet lessons. And for someone wanting to start over, you severely lack friends and other relationships. Don't take it personally, Nat, but neither of us knows what a normal life looks like." He was silent for a moment, obviously trying to understand her. "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid."

"Really? Then what kept you from calling? 'Cause if you really wanted out, we would understand and support you. Heck, half of us are tired of fighting." When Natasha didn't answer, Clint prodded gently: "Is this some nonsense about you not deserving happiness?"

"They won't trust me. And rightfully so," Natasha stated with her neutral mask firmly in place. "First I sided with Tony, then I let Steve and Bucky escape. I sided with both and I betrayed them both. Clint, I _knew_ about Tony's parents after I dumped everything on the I'll always be the spy, no matter how hard I try. The team's better off without me."

"How can you be sure? Look, I… I get that it's a difficult situation for you. Honestly, I do. But would you really forgive yourself if you wouldn't at least try to reconcile with the team? We're all living dangerous lives-"

"You're trying to emotionally blackmail me?" Natasha interrupted him, her lips twitching in amusement.

Clint shrugged and grinned at her. "If it helps? I just… I just wanted to let you know that you're always welcome at home. At both your homes, actually. And the same goes for Lucky, of course."

"Tony and Steve will drive me mad. Not to mention the rest of this chaotic group."

"I'll get you an anti-stress ball. Or we try it again with archery, if you're up for it. I find it relaxing."

"You're weird." Natasha rolled her eyes.

Clint chuckled. "Never said anything different." He hunched down and tried to get Lucky to come to him, but the dog simply huffed and averted his gaze.

Natasha watched it for a moment. "I could have my stuff packed until tomorrow."

"Sounds fine to me." Clint smiled at her.

"But I'm not promising anything. I don't know whether I'll stay or not."

He nodded in earnest. "That's alright. The others will be glad to know you're fine. I know I am." He pulled her into a tight hug, ignoring Lucky's low growling. "I'm really glad you're fine, Nat."

Natasha returned the hug fiercely, having missed her best friend more than she would admit out loud. Maybe she really grew soft. "How did you find me, now? I really took care to fly under the radar… How did you manage?"

Clint snorted offended. "I'm a master spy myself, thank you very much. We worked together long enough for me to know how to find you. Please, I'm hurt."

"You called Fury and asked him to help you," Natasha stated sighing. It wasn't really a question.

Clint only shrugged.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I really hope you liked it, I had fun writing it at least. Please tell me if there's anything that's bothering you or if there's still a oneshot missing you would like to see. If it's something I feel up to writing, you'll probably see it here ;) Have a nice weekend!**


	85. Bittersweet (058)

**A/N Welcome back! It's not exactly weekend anymore but maybe this oneshot helps you starting into the week. Well, scratch that. Really. But I still hope you like it and I'm sorry I'm currently not really sticking to my schedule. But this is definitely on the longer side, so yay.**

Invader Johnny: I guess a childhood like hers does that to you. It's to hope that there will always be people like Clint to remind her that there are guys who care for her.

MaRiA.Z.A: Yeah, it was a continuation of chapter 51 (I think). I'm glad you like how I'm writing them; sometimes I think they are too soft and stuff, so thank you :)

currently readingg: I'm glad you liked it! The numbers in the title belong to a list with 120 titles for oneshots. The numbers are mostly for me to keep track which ones I already used but if you like to I can get you the whole list. I found it years and years ago on a German fanfiction page.

* * *

Title: Bittersweet (058)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky (romantic), Steve

Word count: ~2,069

* * *

„You won't do anything dumb while I'm away, right punk?" James asked with a grin while the doctors continued prepping him for his cryo-sleep. "You know, like jumping out of a plane without a parachute."

Steve forced a smile on his lips for his childhood friend. "I try to. Though I can't make any promises."

"Just make sure to stay safe while I get my beauty sleep. As soon as princess Shuri knows how to repair my brain, I'll be there to haul your butt out of the mud."

Natasha watched the boys saying goodbye for now while leaning at the wall. While the situation wasn't ideal, it was the best for now. As long as James didn't trust himself he wouldn't be a big help in the field. No one liked that, really.

"I'll wait in the quinjet for you," Steve said lowly; he didn't even try to smile when he laid his hand comfortingly on her shoulder, meeting Natasha's impassive gaze. "We have some guys to get out of the Raft."

Natasha nodded. "I won't take long." She waited until Steve was out of the room, then she went over to where James was sitting. Involuntarily, her gaze strayed to the bandaged stump of his left arm.

"It doesn't hurt," James said softly. "When we see each other next time, it'll look as good as new."

"You said that before. That your arm doesn't hurt, I mean. Back in the Red Room."

James chuckled. "You remember that, huh? Well, back then it was as true as now. Aside from the itching." He fell silent again for a while, simply looking at her. "Thank you for saving Steve's and my ass at the airport. Without you we wouldn't have made it out." He smiled at her and for a moment it did seem genuine before it faltered again. "About Stark's parents… Did you know?"

"Yes," Natasha answered without hesitation. "After I released everything on the web, Steve asked for a file on the Winter Soldier, trying to find you. I made him promise to talk with Tony about it, but well… On the other hand, I'm surprised Tony didn't already know. As I said, it was there for everyone to see."

"And again you're on the run."

"And again I'm on the run." Natasha shrugged. "I used to be used to it after I bailed on the Red Room. Back then it was Logan first helping me out, now it's Steve. I'll be fine, James. I always am."

"That's what I'm worried about." He sighed. "Please, promise to take care of yourself and Steve. I'm planning on exploring Wakanda with you once you're back."

"I'm looking forward to it," she answered with a smile and moved in slightly to kiss his cheek. "See you later."

"Wait! Steve told me it was your gun I took in the jet on the flight to Siberia. Don't you think you'd need it?"

"Nah. I've got connections, should we need to get our hands on some weapons. An old handler of mine; he always had a soft spot for the rogue ones. She smiled at him, her eyes betraying for a moment the playfulness of her voice. "Keep it. You might need it."

"I don't think I'll be able to hold a gun for some time, Natalia."

"Then keep it as a good luck's charm," she said with another shrug of hers. "That's something you boys always need."

"Speak for yourself," James answered with a quiet laugh. He then got up and closed the distance between them in long strides to wrap her in his arm. "Stay safe," he whispered. "And make sure you'll come back."

If his actions surprised her, Natasha didn't let it show. "I promise, Yasha. Though I wish you'd come with us."

"Natalia-"

"I know." She smiled at him reassuringly, pecked his cheek near his mouth and stepped away from his embrace. "I understand. I'll see you when you wake up."

James nodded, a playful smirk on his lips. "Say hello to Barton from me, will you? And that Bird Guy."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Will do. Though I know you just want to infuriate them."

"One sec." He stepped closer again and took the dog tags from where they were dangling around his neck; how Steve had gotten ahold of them, he didn't know. Gently he eased the chain over her head. "Just make sure you bring them back to me, alright?"

Natasha's lips curled upwards. "Until next time, soldier."

Only when the doors closed behind her did James sit back down.

~#~#~#~#~#~

The journey in the quinjet had been tense to say the least. Neither Bruce nor Natasha made a move to go and try to talk with each other about the elephant in the room although Steve tried his very best to get a conversation started. Natasha had finally escaped his attempts by throwing Rhodey out of the cockpit and scaring off anyone who dared entering with a glare that promised endless pains. It had worked until Steve had poked his head in. Being her partner for some years _and_ being together on the run had somehow made him immune.

"If you want _again_ to get me to talk to Bruce, you can just leave. We have more important things ahead of us," Natasha said curtly and played with a pair of dog tags hanging around her neck.

"I know when a fight is lost," Steve said with a chuckle. "Just wanted to see how you are doing. You hadn't exactly had the time to wind down after we picked up Wanda and Vision."

"Neither did you." Natasha raised an eyebrow at him and let the dog tags fall against her chest. "What do you _want_ , Rogers?"

"Bucky's up and running again," he finally offered. "Shuri was able to delete or deactivate the triggers HYDRA had planted. She said he's been adapting and healing well since then."

Natasha openly stared at him, surprise clearly to be seen for a moment. "She did?" she repeated unbelievingly. Then, suddenly, she sobered up. "Wait, what do you mean, _since then_?"

Steve met her gaze, the beard he was sporting making him look even more sinister. "A few weeks ago. Shuri's been working on a replacement for his left arm and-"

"A few _weeks_? And you're telling me just now?" It took all her willpower to not murder him instantly. "I suppose you had a stupid reason?"

"We had a mission, Nat. Besides-"

"You are saying," Natasha interrupted him dangerously quiet, "That you think I would have casted everyone and everything else aside just to return to Wakanda had you told me. Is that right?"

"Natasha …"

"No." She shook her head, turned around to look through the windshield and took the dog tags back in hand. "Get out."

Steve watched her for a moment longer, then he stood up and went to the door. "I just want you to know that I know you good enough you wouldn't have forgiven yourself if you'd ceased to fight while the world still needed you. And if it means anything, Bucky asked me not to tell you."

Natasha didn't answer.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Once the quinjet touched down in Wakanda they were greeted by T'Challa and his guard who welcomed them like old friends. Well, maybe now they were. Unwillingly, a smile tugged Natasha's lips as she watched the reunion between Steve and James. After all she went through because she had shocked the king at the airport she couldn't quite bring herself to regret it. Not when she saw how these two would be brothers had the chance to catch up on old times because of her choices. She was still pissed, though.

"Hey," James greeted her with an almost hesitant smile after everyone else had entered the palace to take care of Vision and the Mind Stone. "I like your new haircut. Different, but not bad."

"You could use a haircut, too," Natasha answered and tugged playfully an unruly strand of his.

James chuckled and caught her wrist. "Is that an offer or an order?"

"Probably both." Her smile vanished. "I would have been here sooner but Steve only told me on the way."

"I'm sorry. I needed time to sort everything out. Some parts are still a jumble but it's getting better. _I'm_ getting better. Things from my childhood, for example. Episodes from during the war. Missions I did for HYDRA…" The frown on his forehead deepened for a moment before a smile whisked it away. "And us. You're still up for that visit of the Bolshoi?"

"You remember that?" Natasha laughed. "I don't think I'll dance for them again. Ever. I'M too old and out of practice to stand a chance against the young girls."

"Then maybe you'll dance for me. One more time. I loved seeing you dancing," he recounted wistfully and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Natasha nodded towards his new metal arm. "Vibranium?"

"A gift of the king," James said by way of explaining. "Though I'm pretty sure Shuri's the one who built it. Even Stark could learn something from that girl."

"I'm sure of that." Natasha gifted him one of her rare, soft smiles. "Wanna show me around?"

"Nothing I'd rather be doing."

"I'm supposed to say hi from Clint and that he need to talk to you once he's not under house arrest anymore."

James groaned. "I always hated big brother shovel talk."

"You'll survive. Laura already promised to hide his gear for that."

~#~#~#~#~#~

The alarm blared through the palace grounds and Natasha lifted her head from where it had rested on James's shoulder. "I guess we knew Thanos would interrupt us sooner or later." She sighed.

"Yeah. Still sucks." He held her tight for a moment when Natasha tried to stand up. "Seems to get dangerous now, huh?"

"From what Bruce told us: yes." She wouldn't promise him to make it through; there was a high possibility she would die today. It was the same reason why she didn't want him to make this specific promise himself.

"Thought so. Never saw the punk so serious." For a moment he simply looked at her, drinking in her sight. "Promise me you'll be careful? If that guy is bringing his army here, I won't have the time to always have your back."

"I try to." She smiled crookedly and moved to get the dog tags.

James stilled her hand. "Keep them a little while longer. Lucky charm, remember? You can give them back when everything is over. _If_ you still want to give them back, then."

Natasha shook her head but didn't disagree. Instead, she lifted them to her lips and kissed them gently. "Lucky charm," she confirmed. "Still got that gun?"

He only scoffed at her question.

"Of course." Natasha rolled her eyes playfully. "Maybe you need it today. It's not handy enough for me, anyways."

"You get it back tonight."

"No promises," she reminded him softly and smothered any discussion he might could start with a kiss.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"How many credits for the gun?" the talking racoon asked once James set him back on the ground.

He glanced at the animal while reloading. "It's not for sale." The thought alone made him hold the gun tighter. Although he had lost sight of Natasha long ago, using her gun let him feel like she was right with him, fighting at his side. He hoped that his dog tags offered the same comfort to her.

~#~#~#~#~#~

The quiet laid eerily over the plain as Natasha was hurrying to where she had last caught a glimpse of him. She knew he could be at a completely different place by now, but she had to start _somewhere_. Something wasn't right, she felt it deep in her bones. It was the same part of her intuition that had saved her time and time again while on the run from the KGB. People were disintegrating around her, turning to _dust_ , and she had to make sure…

Then she stumbled upon Steve, freezing dead in her movements. He was kneeling on the ground of a small meadow, head hung low. There was a pile of dust beside a gun she would recognize everywhere. As if of their own accord, her finger reached for the cold metal of the dog tags she was wearing under her gear.

* * *

 **2\. A/N Yes, I did it. I incorporated Infinity War though I skirted around it for some time. I'm not happy with te ending but it felt right to stick to Bucky's endling in the movie. What do you think? Anything more you'd wish for or would like to know about our favourite redheaded assissin?**


	86. Annex (110)

**A/N Hello dear readers. I'm sorry it has been some time. Real life just got busy from one day to another and then finally the flu caught up with me. I hope you still want to read these things and forgive my long absence. So without further ado, here's the next chapter. Have a good time!**

DarylDixon'sLover: There already are some happy Bucky / Nat chapters, but I'll see what I can do.

Invader Johnny: I think that's because she doesn't allow herself to break down, though maybe she'd need that once and again.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! More Infinity War despite the last chapter? Alright! I already have one in mind dealing with the relationship Nat and Wanda developed over being on the run, so keep your eyes peeled.

Vivienne: Hey, don't worry. Real life is definitely more important than some stories online, so I'm not mad or anything. Welcome back! And if those little stories help to somewhat take your mind off things, then I'm more than happy.

Valeenafrank: Thank you ^^

* * *

Title: Annex (#110)

Characters: Natasha, Clint, Steve, feat. Fury

Word count: 1907

* * *

Natasha laid in the hammock Clint had tied to two trees behind the house and enjoyed the weather. The sun had been shining all day but it wasn't too hot to be outside since every now and then a soft breeze cooled her skin. Laura had taken the kids shopping and while she loved them with all her heart, it felt nice to just be lazy for a change. She turned her head towards the barn from where clanging and every once in a while cursing could be heard; Clint was _still_ trying to repair the tractor. Natasha could've helped him, but then again, it was his fault for not simply buying a new one. Or ask someone to repair it who actually knew what he did.

Suddenly, her phone rang and Natasha only barely suppressed a groan when she saw the caller's ID. "Good day to you, Director," she greeted without much enthusiasm.

Fury chuckled. "I see the vacation did not change your attitude."

"With all due respect, sir, if an alien invasion couldn't change it, nothing will." Natasha sighed silently before she continued. "I suppose said vacation is cut short?"

"You're needed back in Washington," Fury said by way of answering. "We found you a new partner and you probably should break him in first before I sent you on your first mission together."

"I don't need a new partner, Fury," Natasha answered, dropping all pretense. "Before Clint I worked alone and no one ever complained."

Fury sighed exasperated. Sometimes he wondered why he put up with those two and whether he should be mad at Barton for dragging another difficult assassin over his doorstep. "Well, now I complain. We both know that Clint probably won't come back into the field any time soon. And I know you're able to fly solo but I need someone to show Rogers the ropes who's not intimidated by him being a World War II hero. Someone who can hold her own against him when sparring. And by the way, Agent, this isn't a question. My office, tomorrow, three p.m. sharp." Then he disconnected the line.

Natasha huffed and tried to settle back into the hammock but the lazy feeling was gone. With a groan she left her place and went to find Clint. With getting Rogers as her new partner, she felt like betraying him. She knew he wanted her here because he was afraid Loki could still linger in his brain. Besides, he had been her partner from he start, the only person she ever fully trusted. Accepting Rogers as his replacement felt like kicking that partnership in the dust.

She found Clint in the barn as expected and made an effort to not sneak up on him; no need to give him a heart attack just yet. He looked up from the tractor, wiped his hands on a rag and took one look at her face. "What's wrong?"

"Fury called me. He wants me to break in Rogers, starting tomorrow."

"Lazy days are over, huh?" Clint smiled fondly at her but when she didn't answer it, it turned into a frown. "You don't like that? Rogers isn't that bad of a guy, don't you think?"

"I don't want a new partner," Natasha started and quickly added: "I don't mean to tell you to cancel retirement just yet but I don't need a replacement for you. I'm good flying solo."

"Well, it's called _Team_ Delta for a reason." Clint threw the rag aside, focusing on Natasha alone. "You know it's alright getting a new partner, right? I'm feeling better knowing Rogers is there to cover your ass than you going into all those situations alone without any backup."

Natasha leant against the wall and refused to meet Clint's gaze; instead she played with the rag Clint had thrown aside. "I don't know but it doesn't feel _right_. Strike Team Delta always was about you and me and know Rogers taking up your place… I don't like that kind of change."

"Hey." Clint gently made her look at him. "It is a huge change, I'll admit. But change doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing, right? He can't be that bad. I mean, yes, he's from the forties and he probably doesn't have my kind of humour but come on… He's a good fighter. And you and he worked well during Manhattan. That's worth a lot. He doesn't seem to be an asshole like Rumlow and, even more important, he can deal with a woman being in charge. He trained under Director Carter, anyways."

"If she's not a bossy one then I don't know who is;" Natasha answered with the ghost of a smile.

Clint tsked. "No respect for your elders." Then he smiled at her again. "See? It's not as bad as it could be. And just because we're not partners at Shield anymore doesn't mean we're not family anymore."

"You're good with me leaving?" Natasha asked. "Because, look, I didn't see any difference in your behavior since we came here and if I had any second thoughts about you maybe hurting Laura and the kids I'd tell Fury to fuck himself, but-"

"It's fine. Really, it is. I'm glad you were there to get me settled in and I knew you wouldn't leave if you were too worried. So I'm good, okay? But you're staying for dinner, right? You know the kids hate it when you leave without saying goodbye."

"Of course. I'll take my bike afterwards and give her a run."

Clint frowned at her. "You know I don't like your unnecessary reckless driving. Especially at night time."

"Yes, dad," Natasha scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I'll wear my helmet like a good little girl."

"You know I'm just saying this because I love you and are worried about you, right?"

"Retirement makes you all mushy, Barton," Natasha commented with a grin and threw the rag at him. "I'm going to enjoy my last day. See you at dinner!"

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Thank you for accepting me as your new partner, Agent Romanoff," Rogers said after they left Fury's office. "I know I can't replace Barton but I hope to be of use in our partnership."

"Well, it's not exactly like Fury asked nicely whether I'd be okay with that," Natasha answered with a shrug. Yes, it wasn't exactly nice of her but Rogers better knew what he signed up for. "But you weren't half bad during Manhattan, so I still have hopes. We should start in the gym, getting some greenhorns that need a lesson in humility to fight you. I saw what you were capable of during Manhattan, but Hill and I both liked to evaluate you without being distracted by aliens. That okay with you?"

"Sure." Rogers nodded. "Fury already warned me you wouldn't trust the reports but wanted to see everything for yourself."

"Good. How are you dealing with 21st century tech?"

A faint tinge of pink coloured the tips of his ears. "Stark took some time introducing me to the basics. I know how to use Google and send emails. And I can use a mobile phone. It's basic functions, at least. What's the use of all those apps anyway?"

"Mostly entertainment," Natasha answered off-handedly. "But that's a start. I'd like to show you some hacking 1x1 just in a case a mission requires it if you're up for it."

"I will try my best, ma'am."

Natasha stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to face Rogers. "Don't. It's Romanoff, with or without Agent in front of it. Even Natasha if you feel familiar. But ma'am makes me feel old. Very old. And we wouldn't want that, right?"

"Yes. I mean, no, of course not." Rogers gulped, fighting against another blush. "Then we'll meet in the gym in five?"

"Make it ten," Natasha answered. "I just came back today and I bet Hill hogged all of my yoga pants so I need to break into her apartment first to get them back."

Steve chuckled, then it dawned on him that she could mean it seriously. "Uhm, you're… You're not really breaking into Deputy Director Hill's quarters, are you?"

Natasha smirked at him over her shoulder as she walked away but refused to offer an answer.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha had showered after sparring with Rogers and now went to the garage to take her bike to Washington and get something to eat. She really hadn't missed cafeteria food and somehow the one in HQ seemed to be even worse than on New York. Maybe she should look for an apartment for herself in the city in the near future.

The garage was nearly empty except for a figure kneeling near the drag bike at the far end, cursing quietly. Grown curious, Natasha redirected her steps until she could distinguish Steve Rogers, working on the bike with some tools. "Something I can help you with, Soldier?"

Rogers finally sighed in defeat and turned his head to look at her. "Didn't know someone else was still around."

"I never leave when office hours end," Natasha quipped with a shrug. "Your bike causing you trouble?"

"Yeah, it won't start. Back in the day it was much easier to repair them yourself but with those new types full of tech…" Frustrated, he threw one of the tools carelessly aside. "And something tells me I won't find someone to repair it until tomorrow."

"To where were you up to? Maybe I can give you a lift," Natasha offered without a second thought.

Rogers looked up at her, shrugging slightly. "I had no goal in mind Just wanted to see the city a bit. Maybe grab a bite somewhere."

"I think I can offer that. That is, if you like a good burger."

"Never said no to that, ma'- Agent Romanoff." He followed her but stopped short when he saw her vehicle.

"Something wrong, Soldier?"

"I uhm I thought you were talking about a car."

"I do have one but I like my bike better. Faster, sleeker." She mounted it and put on her helmet but kept it open. "You've a problem with that?"

Rogers cleared his throat and again a blush coloured his cheeks. "Isn't it, uhm, inappropriate? Like, I mean…" He trailed off.

Natasha chuckled at him. "I'm not trying to get in your pants, Cap. You'd know if I were. If it calms your old heart, with the amount of leather I'm wearing I probably won't even feel your hands."

His blush deepened. "That is… not exactly helping things, Agent Romanoff."

"Come on, I promised to give you a ride. And trust me, you don't want to eat in the cafeteria when you have other options." Natasha kicked her bike to life. "It's completely accepted in this day and age to drive shotgun as a guy while a girl is actually driving. Besides, you touched me way more during sparring it that's your concern." Rogers sighed but moved to sit behind her when Natasha looked at him with a frown. "Where's your helmet?"

"Don't have one, don't need one. Super soldier reflexes," he answered with a slight smirk.

Natasha chuckled. "Don't let Clint hear that. He'll fear you'll be bad influence." Then she sped out of the garage and into the night. Maybe having a new partner wasn't as bad as she thought. _After_ she taught him how things were supposed to get done, of course.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I wanted for some time to depict the beginning of their partnership and two friends of mine are to blame for the huge role of motorcycles in this chapter. It's so fun! But still, remember to drive carefully, alrighty? What do you say, next time some motherly Nat or rather some Barton-family-fluff?**


	87. Demented (074)

**A/N Yes, there is another update that soon and it's not even Christmas yet! Theoretically I should be writing on a thesis or two, but, oh well... We all know how that works, right? So have fun and thank you Vivienne for the idea!**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it

SswolfsS: Thank you very much. You'll find your prompt in the next chapter, I hope you 'll like it ^^

Vivienne: Thank you very much, I'm glad the stories I write are helping. Here's the result of your prompt, I hope you like it.

Invader Johnny: Oh yes she did ;)

* * *

Title: Demented (#74)

Characters: Natasha, Clint

Word count: ~ 1,295

* * *

The first thing Natasha noticed when she came back to reality were Clint's arms that supported her on the way to the quinjet. Her mind was still in a haze, the pictures of Madame B, the young girls training, her graduation ceremony and her final test swirling behind her eyes. She was a monster. She had always been one, she had been _made_ into one. She had just forgotten it in the past few years with working with SHIELD and the Avengers. But now she couldn't understand how she could have _ever_ forgotten it.

"Hey." Clint's voice was soft but still she recoiled as if he'd yelled at her. "You back with us?"

"What…" Natasha shook her head, trying to get rid of the memories. Were ist even all just memories? "what happened? Ultron…"

"Ultron got away. With the Vibranium."

"Dammit. We have to-"

"We have to regroup," Clint finished the sentence for her. "We need a break. All of us."

Natasha gulped, the haunted look hadn't quite left her eyes yet. "I was back in… you know where," she almost whispered, her eyes darting frantically back and forth. "Madame B, the girls. I… How?"

Clint gently eased her on a seat in the quinjet; she hadn't even realized they had reached the aircraft. "The girl," he finally explained, keeping his voice low. "Somehow she can tamper with our minds. Well, yours, anyways. Thanks to Loki I seemed to be immune, somehow. Plus, Stark will have some nasty bruises come tomorrow; the Hulk liked the tampering even less than you did."

"The Hulk? Is Bruce…?"

"Stark managed to calm him, so to say," Clint answered and laid a blanket over her shoulders. "Can I leave you alone for five? The others need to be settled, too, but afterwards I'm all yours. Promise."

Natasha nodded mutely, not quite trusting her voice. Shaking hands pulled the blankets closer around herself. She still felt out of place, out of her own _mind_. Bad enough she had to visit those memories during her dreams but seldom had they felt so real. Almost subconsciously, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, making herself as small as possible. Natasha hated that she simply couldn't escape her past, no matter what she did. Even if the nightmares left her alone once in a while, all it took was a girl with mutant powers throw her right back.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she flinched when Clint carefully rearranged the blanket around her lithe frame. "It's just me," he assured her softly. "No one here will hurt you, I promise. You're safe now."

"Where are we flying to?" she croaked, still miles away from her usual confident self.

Clint chose not to tell her yet; she'd only berate him for his choice, even in her state. And maybe she was right, but now it was too late. "Someplace safe." He felt at a loss; it was like after he brought her into SHIELD all over again. After another moment of deciding what to do, he moved even closer to her. "Is it okay if I lay an arm around you?"

Natasha nodded, hesitantly this time, and tried her very best not to flinch when he touched her. It took some more minutes until she relaxed even a little bit and even more until she leant against his shoulder.

Clint breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped his other arm around her to hold her tight. "Talk to me, Nat," he asked her quietly, tucking her head under his chin. "Tell me how to make you feel better."

"I don't know," Natasha answered barely above a whisper. "I just… I wonder whether I'll ever escape the Red Room's influence. _Her_ influence. It's been so long and still it keeps haunting me. All of it. It seemed so real…"

"But it wasn't," Clint said quietly but firmly. "Not this time. She can't hurt you anymore. You took care of that. You killed her shortly after you started working for SHIELD. Remember?"

Natasha chuckled mirthlessly. "Yes, I remember I killed her. Her and how many others? And why? Just because they were telling me to do so. Because it was the best for Mother Russia. Because I was a tool. And I won't be anything else. You know why? Because I'm made of _marble_. She almost spat that word out. "You can't reform marble without breaking it."

Clint closed his eyes for a moment at that level of self-loathing. He hated when she talked like that about herself. Hated that people managed to get that view of herself cemented in her head even during her childhood. God, he hoped Lila never experienced such horrors. "There's your error in reasoning," Clint stated matter-of-factly. "You're not made of marble. You're made of soap-stone."

"I'm… What?" For a moment Natasha was roused out of her stupor and she tried to look at her best friend over her shoulder.

Clint smiled to himself, happy with how he solved this. "Soap-stone soaks up all the warmth surrounding it and keeps it for a long period of time. It comes in a whole lot of different colours, even hues of red. And it can be reformed again and again, without difficulty. What I mean to say is that you are able to reproject the warmth people show you. Take the little ones for example. _If_ you were the monster you think you are, do you really think they'd loved you as much as they do?"

"Soap-stone?" Natasha repeated doubtfully.

Clint rolled his eyes playfully. "That's all you take away from my awesome comparison? Typical." He started when she snuggled closer and he felt the hot tears being soaked up by his shirt. Then he tightened his embrace around her and placed his arms so that her face was hidden from their teammates. He knew she would hate it if the others saw her that vulnerable; it was already enough they witnessed her so much out of her element. "We're all here for you, Nat. We won't let you down. _I_ won't let you down. And I will do everything in my power that no one ever exploits you again like they did. Okay?"

It took some time until Natasha had calmed down enough to wipe her cheeks. Exhausted she leant against Clint. "How did this girl know which memories to use?"

"From what I've gathered, it's been not only memories but also fears," Clint explained. There would come a time when he needed to have a serious talk with her about being worthy of receiving and capable of giving love. Maybe his kids would help her with that later today as a first step. "How she knows them I don't know. Maybe it comes with her powers. So far we don't know that much about the abilities of her brother and hers."

Natasha took a few moments to mull the information over. "It makes her dangerous. How can we protect ourselves from that?"

"I can't answer that," Clint said with regret. "It's different from what Loki did."

"Do you… Do you really believe what you told me? The thing about the soap-stone?" Her voice was barely audible when she asked him.

Clint smiled and kissed her hair. "You know I believe in nothing. But I _knew_ it from the moment I saw you in that alley. Just why I couldn't take that shot. All you needed was a bit of warmth and polishing to be who you are now; nothing more, nothing dramatic."

"You're a sap," Natasha scolded, sounding the tiniest bit more like herself again.

"Yeah. But among other persons, I'm your sap. And I wouldn't want it any other way."

* * *

 **2\. A/N The next chapter would be a combination of SswolfsS's prompt and DarylDixon'sLover's wish for happy Bucky/Nat, so stay tuned!**


	88. Moonlight (108)

**A/N Welcome back for another instalment. You guys are insane, by the way, you know that? Almost 800 clicks on this collection on the first day of the last update. That's a lot and I'm happy you like to read it that much. So thank you, really. I hope you enjoy this one just as much; as promised last time, it's basically a combination of SswolsS's prompt and DarylDixon'sLover for another happy Bucky/Nat story, so thank you very much for your suggestions. Enjoy!**

DarylDixon'sLover: I hope this one is how you like it :)

Invader Johnny: Yeah, Natasha doesn't do vulnerable very good but Clint is a pretty good elp for her in those situations.

SswolfsS: Your welcome, I'm glad you like it :) And no need to thank me, I'm glad for good prompts.

Vivienne: I'm happy you loved it, thank you for reading and your prompt :)

* * *

Title: Moonlight (#108)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky (relationship), Clint, Steve

Word count: ~1,450

* * *

„Couldn't sleep?"

The question made Natasha smile. Without any haste she extracted the tea bag from her mug and turned around. James met her gaze with worry in his sleepy eyes. They seemed eerily colourless in the moonlight that stole through the blinds. His hair was tousled and unruly thanks to the pillow and some intense dream or other. "I didn't want to wake you," Natasha said without really answering his question and sipped her tea. The usual nightmares had kept her awake and tortured her into a state where not even his embrace could fight them off any longer. Deciding she somehow needed to calm her nerves, Natasha had tiptoed out of his bedroom and into the common kitchen.

"That wasn't what I've been asking," he chided softly and leant against the counter, his human hand outstretched invitingly. "You want to tell me?"

"Not really, no," Natasha answered but accepted his offer, stepped closer and allowed him to hold her tight, resting her head on his torso. "It's nothing either of us can change anymore."

"The Red Room?" James kept his voice low when he guessed and gently combed her hair with his fingers, easing the knots out of it. He'd never get tired of how it felt between his fingers, silky and smooth.

Natasha shook her head and cradled the warm ceramic closer in her hands. "No, not this time for a change. Thanos. The fight in Wakanda, his snap and everything that followed that. It still haunts me sometimes. The horde of aliens. And…" She trailed off, choosing to take another sip instead of elaborating on her nightmares.

But James knew either way. He grew stiff instantly and tightened his hold of her. "I'm sorry."

"What for? I'm pretty sure that's the only time it wasn't the result of you doing something stupid or reckless. It was by chance, wasn't it? Like the flip of a coin." A smile that lacked the usual confidence or happiness she displayed when she was with him.

"I'm still sorry. I didn't mean to leave you behind."

"Well, only good thing that day? Everyone was too preoccupied to notice anything between us. Even Steve and Bruce. Though I wouldn't vouch for Clint had he been there. That would have been awkward."

James raised one eyebrow. "I still don't know why you want to keep it secret. I want to take you to a real date, you know? Not take-out on the roof every time. I want to visit Barton's family with you, get them to know as uncle Bucky."

Natasha looked at him surprised., her nightmares completely forgotten for the moment. "You… What? Really?"

"Of course." James put an unruly strand of hair of hers behind her ear. "Why not? They are your family, an important part of your life. I'd like to be a part of that part, too. Call me old-fashioned, but that's how it was done back in my day. Besides, I grew up with younger sisters; I doubt Barton's spawn will be able to shock me anymore. And-"

Natasha's kiss cut him short and once her hands moved to his neck and hair, he'd completely lost the red thread. Her mouth on his, her lips working against his would do that to him.

"You know why I wanted to keep us a secret?" Natasha finally asked slightly out of breath. "This – _us_ – it's new to me. I wanted to explore that before I had to deal with the rest of the team. It's silly, right?"

James smiled at her and made sure to meet her gaze head on. "Maybe a little bit. But I understand. I'd like to have you all to myself, too. Still, maybe we should tell the others sooner or later. If only so you don't have to sneak out of my bed in the wee hours of the morning."

"But it's fun sneaking around. You only want me to stay because you like morning sex."

James lifted her onto the counter and smirked at her. "Guilty. And evening sex, and midnight sex…" He stepped closer to capture her lips in another searing kiss and growled quietly when Natasha's hand tangled in his hair and pulled him close to deepen the kiss.

A cough made them flinch and pull apart, only to come eye to eye with a grinning Clint. "I knew it! Hawkeye strikes again. Laura's gonna owe me fifty bucks." Then he sobered up. "Please tell me I'm not the last one to know like that time with Banner."

"If you tell anyone, Clint, I swear I make Laura a single mother," Natasha threatened, her words slightly dampened by her tousled hair and kiss-swollen lips.

Clint huffed. "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill." Then he turned to James. "Barnes, you and I have things to discuss. Important things. Meet me at the archery range after you first coffee. Or after she lets you out of bed, I don't care which happens sooner. I'm gonna tell Laura we'll need one more plate at the Christmas dinner table." Then he took off before Natasha could make true on her promise.

"Some day, I'm gonna kill him," she murmured but couldn't quite keep the affection out of her voice.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Seemingly, Clint had held true to his word and told no one aside from Laura to collect his bet. At least none of their teammates had said anything and Natasha _knew_ Tony would be the first one to make a comment or a joke.

"What are you cooking?" James asked once he entered the kitchen and saw her standing at the oven. It was rather late for dinner, the moonlight filtering in through the blinds of the big windows and making Natasha seem like a fairy queen. He had just come back from a mission with Steve and only wanted to go to bed to wrap his arms around his beautiful redhead. Though he should have known she would be staying up after they radioed ahead they would return that day.

Natasha looked over her shoulder, a soft gleam in her eyes. "I figured you'd be hungry coming back," she said by way of explaining. "Dinner's almost ready."

"I really don't deserve you," James sighed in response and walked over to her only to lay his arms around her lithe frame from behind to be able to watch what she was doing. "Boeuf Stroganoff?"

She nodded, still focused on stirring. "I figured something to warm you would be a good idea. Alaska can be cold this time of the year."

"No shit," he snorted and bent to kiss her neck. "Thank you for staying up and cooking. You really didn't have to."

"But I wanted to." She grabbed a spoon and caught some of the broth on it. "You wanna try?"

"Mhm." He leant over her shoulder to take a bite, his hands still firmly on her waist with his thumbs drawing lazy circles on the material of her sleeping shirt. Instantly he felt the dish warming him from the core. "Maybe a bit hot," he said after a moment of mindful consideration. "But just what I need right now."

"You only need that? Well, then my job is done for today, I guess," Natasha said with a smirk. Still, she put the spoon aside and turned in his embrace. "I'm glad you're back in one piece. I was worried when you didn't check in for a few days." She elevated herself on her tiptoes to kiss him and relished in the feeling of having him back safely.

"Yeah, we needed to go radio silent for a while. I'm sorry you were worried."

"You're back now. That's what counts." She kissed him again, then turned to fill him a plate while James continued to make it up to her by softly kissing the juncture of her shoulder and neck, accompanied by gently touches of his hands.

Just when she was about done, Steve seemingly thought it the right moment to enter. "Bucky, if you don't save my something of whatever you're cooking, I swear… Oh."

James let go of Natasha with a resigned sigh. "Worst timing ever, punk."

"You can take a portion for yourself," Natasha offered as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Steve cleared his throat uncomfortably, a deep blush covering his face. "So, ah, you two…? That's good. I mean, I'm happy for you. Since when, do you, uhm, do fondue?" he rambled on.

Natasha handed James his plate, filled a second one and pushed it in Steve's direction. "Alright, we're gonna tell them soon," she told the former Winter Soldier. "I'm tired of that shocked surprise every other day."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I added the full list of 120 titles to my profile, so if you want to check which ones are still open, feel free to take a look. Some of those still open are blocked or at least marked for some ideas I have, but if you have a prompt you feel only works with one of the titles still availing, I think we can work something out ;) I hoped you liked this oneshot and if so, feel free to spend a sec and let me know, I always love hearing from you guys.**


	89. Seeing Red (086)

**A/N Welcome back, guys. I hope you had a nice week. Is that hot where you live, too? I feel like ice cream in the sun right now and it's not a nice feeling, trust me.**

SswolfsS: I'm glad you liked it! As for your prompt, it definitely sounds fun so I'll put it on the list, if that's okay with you :)

Invader Johnny: Of course he had to, he's Bucky's best friend

Frostyfluff31: I'm happy you liked that chapter, I'm still not comfortable with writing Thor

Vivienne: Yes, fondue is a word and it's delicious. Thank you very much :) I really like your idea, the only problem is that it's not really centering around Nat which is near the only premise this collection has. BUT I'd like to put it on my list and either make a oneshot out of it or include it in a second collection, if that's alright with you

MaRiA.Z.A: I'm happy you liked the last two oneshots. And don't worry for the later review, I'm happy about it nevertheless

* * *

Title: Seeing Red (# 86)

Characters: Natasha, Wanda, Steve, Sam

Word count: ~ 1,545

* * *

„Hey. Let me take a look at that," Natasha said softly and gestured to Wanda's arm. While they had been getting rid of a weapon's dealer who sold his stiff to dangerous people, the girl had been hit in the arm by a lucky guard. Natasha was impressed how she had kept it together so long but now they were in safety she wanted to make sure it didn't get infected.

Wanda looked slowly up and shrugged before the movement made her flinch. "Okay." Natasha helped her out of the red leather jacket und threw it carelessly aside. "I'm sorry I ruined it," Wanda said, nodding towards the piece of clothing.

It wasn't really your fault," Natasha answered und gently moved her arm to get a better look at the wound. A soft smile grazed her lips. "Besides, it hasn't been my jacket for some time now."

"I was cold," Wanda recounted, her gaze directed at something only she could see. "Pietro grabbed the first one he saw and threw it to me. I… It never occurred to me to give it back."

Natasha shrugged while cleaning the wound. "I didn't ask for it, either. I've got enough jackets to last a life time. Or at least I did." It was silent between the two of them while Natasha worked. "Maybe I should take you shopping."

"Shopping?" Wanda echoed, pulled from her stupor for once. "But we're on the run!"

"So? We can turn it into a lesson in disguise. Might as well take Steve with us in that case."

"Hey!" Steve pointed the wooden spoon at her which he used to stir the pasta. "I heard that."

"As long as your go to disguise consists of a baseball cap and sunglasses, we need to work on it," Natasha retorted without looking up. Then she winked at Wanda. "Might s well look at some lingerie if we're at it."

Steve blushed furiously and chose not to answer while Sam perked up. "You know, I could tag along and carry your stuff. Maybe even help pick something out."

"Sam!"

"What? That's been an invitation, right, Widow?"

Natasha smirked at both of them over her shoulder. "Maybe not this time. It would be girl's time. _Without_ a pillow fight," she added sternly. Natasha turned back to Wanda and smiled reassuringly. "Make up your mind. No hurry. And put some ice on your shoulder, that should help with the swelling.

"Thank you," Wanda said, managing a small smile. Then she slipped past Steve. Took a coolpack out of the fridge and went off to her room.

Natasha watched her leave with a raised eyebrow but Steve beat her to a comment. "I'm a bit afraid for her," he said quietly. "She's not the same since the Raft and I don't know what to do anymore. Best thing would probably be to drop her off at Barton's and let her heal but with him under house arrest…It would just lead to more trouble."

"I know what you mean," Natasha answered, leaning against the counter beside the stove. "I'll keep an eye on her. See that she gets away from those thoughts."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"What do you think?" Natasha asked and held out a dark top for Wanda to inspect.

"It's nice," she finally said with a hesitant smile.

"But?"

"But not really my style, I think."

Natasha shrugged and put it back. "Not a problem. It's good you know what you like."

They searched in silence for some time before Wanda spoke up again. "I meant to thank you for doing this. It's nice to spend time doing something… normal, I guess. Though your hair still irritates me."

"I need to get used to it, too. Every time I change it. Though this time it _is_ a bit drastic." Natasha looked up, catching Wanda's gaze. "And nothing to thank me for. We all need a bit normal from time to time. And I love the guys, I do, but sometimes I'd like to smash their heads." A soft smile grazed her lips at Wanda's chuckle. "There. That's what I was aiming for today."

"You know… I was scared shitless of you after I joined. You seemed so… distant. Now I know better, I guess." Wanda shrugged.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Oh, do you?"

"Course. You may seem cold and cruel and dangerous and I know you can be all of that when you need to without a problem but… Inside you're all fluffy unicorns and rainbows. And I don't even have to look inside your head to know that."

Natasha laughed at that, a full belly laugh. "I blame Clint's spawn for that. Better not tell Sa though I have a reputation to maintain."

"No problem." Wanda grinned.

While sifting through another pack of clothes, Natasha started talking again, her voice now low and serious. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop them bringing you to the Raft. By helping Steve and James I already put a bull's eye on my back and from within a prison I couldn't have done a single thing to help. I'm sorry because of what they did to you and I swear, one day Ross will pay for this. Big time. And then I won't give a shit about what Steve thinks is the right thing to do."

Wanda stayed silent for a long time. Then, finally: "It's okay. I understand. Clint said something similar. I was so angry at you but h told me you did nothing without a plan and then a plan B all the way to plan Z. He told me to have trust in you. And you were there when Steve busted us out, so… no hard feelings. I'm serious."

"That's probably more trust than I'll ever deserve," Natasha answered quietly. "Still, when Clint retired I promised to take care of you. You were his new project after all. Another girl to save from herself."

"Well, you're taking care of me now, don't you?" Wanda shrugged. "Were you one of his projects before? How did the two of you meet?"

"Long story short, he was sent to kill me but made a different call. The longer version is a story for another time, though."

Wanda nodded and rifled through a bunch of dresses until she picked up a darker jersey one. "What do you think?"

Natasha smiled. "You should try it on."

~#~#~#~#~#~

" _Please_ , Natasha. I just want to spend some time with him. We're meeting in a little village in France, not in New York. No one there will recognize me."

"What if Vision doesn't come alone? What if this is Ross trying to lure you out and lock you up again?" Natasha shook her head. "I'd be feeling better if someone would accompany you."

Wanda's eyes flared red. "Vision would never do that. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I really don't _want_ a babysitter when I'm meeting Vis."

Natasha sighed and turned around to look at Steve who immediately raised his hands. "Don't look at me like that. If I say yes, you'll be mad at me. If I say no, Wanda will be mad at me. Neither seems favourable so I keep my distance at this one."

"Coward," Natasha remarked and rolled her eyes before fixing Wanda with a stare. "I want you to check in every twelve hours. Understood? No excuses, no lies, no trouble. If you don't check in, we'll pick you up sooner than you can say _oops_. Yes, I'm aware you're too old for being grounded, but trust me, I'll think of something. Are we clear?"

"Yes." Wanda beamed and hugged the older woman tightly. "Thank you!"

Natasha smiled involuntarily and returned the hugged briefly. "And wear a hat. You shouldn't underestimate the sun this time of the year, especially with your skin tone."

"I will." Wanda practically skipped to her locker to pack a bag with clothes.

Steve chuckled and joined Natasha in the cockpit by taking the co-pilot's seat. "First love, a beautiful thing," he said wistfully.

"I just hope she's right about Vision. If he breaks her heart, not even Tony will be able to rebuild him."

As always, the mentioning of Tony's name had Steve's face darken for a moment before it lit up again. "She looks up to you. Wanda, I mean. I think it's a good thing and I'm glad she found in you someone to help her. You even let her hug you."

"I have more than enough practice with Lila," Natasha answered with a wink. "And I like Wanda enough to care. So while she's away with Vision, what should we do?"

"Vacation?" Sam asked hopefully.

Steve snorted. "I don't think so. But maybe we find a Hydra base near a beach or something."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"I'll kill her, I swear it," Natasha fumed, trying for the umpteenth time to find Wanda. "I swear, I will kill her."

"Natasha, maybe she is asleep," Steve tried to reason. "So far, every time she met with Vision she called in."

"Please, you don't believe that yourself. Wanda's thirty-six hours late and that's way off for her. Something has to have happened."

"We're almost over Edinburgh, so, try to stay calm, oaky? It won't be that bad."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Again, it's tied to Infinity War and I hope you liked it. I don't know if the next one will be online in time, but I try to, I promise.**


	90. Emotionless (015)

**A/N Hello and welcome back to another episode! We're now hitting the three quarters of total oneshots, so thank you very much for still staying with me. I hope you like this oneshot and if you look very closely, you cn already detect a hint for another oneshot ;)**

DarylDixon'sLover: Glad you liked it.

Invader Johnny: Oh, she will, I bet on it. Whether the worst has happened or not

MaRiA.Z.A: Yeah, those two are quite similar, you're right. Ifind the Infinity War ones still difficult, cause I've only seen the movie once. But in September it'll come out on DVD in Germany, so then I might feel more confident in writing those.

SswolfsS: Happy you liked it! Consider it being on the list, so it will come sooner or later

Vivienne: I like how Nat is this mixture of rainbow-unicorns and deep darkness. Nothing to thank me for, I do like your idea. It will probably be a oneshot since I don't want to start another collection just yet but waiting for the second collection would take longer than I would like to.

* * *

Title: Emotionless (#15)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, the Bartons

Word count: 1,529

* * *

Natasha woke gasping, sweat beading on her forehead and matting her hair. She could feel her heart beating against her rips, an accelerated _thump-thump-thump_. The same dream as every night for the last week. Main protagonist: a little boy, mere four or five years old, clutching a teddy bear, panic on his tear-streaked face, crying for his mother. Every time Natasha tried to reach him, to protect him, to bring him to safety, but every time she failed. The grenade exploded and erased a young life. That was always the moment when she would wake up. Natasha suspected she should be glad she hadn't need to tell his mother in her dreams. Back then Steve had been the one to feel responsible enough to take over that duty but Natasha had declined. Firmly. She had failed in protecting the boy; his mother had deserved to by told by her, had deserved to _yell_ at her. And Natasha had let her.

Knowing full well that there wasn't any more sleep to get that night, Natasha slipped in one of the shirts she had stolen from Clint ages ago and left her apartment to spend the night with a book in the common area. She was afraid that she might fell asleep while reading despite her nightmares, so Natasha decided to make herself a mug of coffee. Thus prepared she settled into her favourite armchair – the one standing in the corner, offering perfect observation over the full room – and started reading on the collection of Norse mythology. Her plan was to ask Thor some day which of those legends and tales were true and if so, to what degree.

It was only when the first hesitant sunrays poked in through the windows that Natasha got pulled out of her book. "Up early, huh?" Steve asked.

Natasha's head snapped around to locate the super soldier standing at the kitchen's counter in his usual running gear, obviously ready for his morning exercise. Suddenly, he frowned and came around the various sofas and armchairs to get down on one knee before her. His stare was almost scrutinizing.

"What's that supposed to be once you're done?" Natasha asked with a familiar smirk. "Practicing for something in particular? Don't tell me you _actually_ like Sharon that much. Nothing wrong with that, though, but shouldn't you wait a bit longer before proposing to her?"

"Have you slept _at all_?" Steve asked quietly, completely ignoring her teasing. Gently he grabbed her chin and turned her head to get a better look at her face. "You look like shit, Nat."

"Wow, you really learned how to compliment a woman, didn't you?" Natasha retorted dryly and swatted his hand away. "I'm fine, no need to worry."

Steve looked at her with a sigh. "I know you long enough. I _see_ when something's wrong, despite your spy-face." He kept meeting her gaze and she could see the gears turning behind his forehead. "Is it because of the boy? You it wasn't your fault, right?"

Natasha shoved Steve aside and made to leave with her book. "You should go for your morning run before all those fangirls come out of school. You know what happened last time. She didn't want to talk about it with Steve; there was no need to. She would deal with it alone, the same way she always dealt with such emotions. She would be fine.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Nat, you don't look fine," Clint said patiently later on the same day once he'd gotten a good look at her. "I'm worried. You're in no condition to do fieldwork and I know you were trained to go without sleep for some time. But sooner or later you'll break. Hell, you'd almost skinned Tony alive for a comment which normally would have sparked some easy banter between the two of you."

"He mixed vodka with some junk. The _good_ vodka," Natasha scoffed. "I think skinning him alive wouldn't have been enough of a punishment."

"You should take that vacation, Natasha," Steve said, making it sound like it wasn't a suggestion at all. "When was the last time you saw Clint's kids?"

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. "I have a job to do here. Train the recruits. They need my bad cop to your good cop."

"You just broke one's arm," Steve pointed out. "Uncalled for, by the way." Then he crossed his arms and when he looked at her he was no longer, cuddly Steve but stone-cold Captain America. "You're either taking the vacation or I will bench you and call Fury. This keeps you out of here and the field for as long as a psychiatrist would need to deem you fit again."

"You wouldn't dare," Natasha almost growled, fixing him with a stare. "Go crying to Fury just because I lost some sleep lately? We all have problems if you haven't realized before."

"I would and I will," Steve answered sternly. "It's up to you."

"I hate you. _Both_ of you."

Clint shrugged at Steve. "I've learned early on that's how she shows affection. It gets dangerous once she's indifferent."

Natasha boxed his shoulder before leaving in direction of her apartment. "I'm flying!" she yelled over her shoulder.

Steve sighed once she was out of sight. "Sometimes I forget how scary she can be. You'll look out for her and keep me updated, yeah?"

"Of course. Don't worry, being at the farm and with the kids will help her. It always does."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Natasha! Long time, no see," Laura exclaimed and hugged the redhead. "Your room's already ready for you. Cooper and Lila are still in school, so you have some time to get settled first." She held Natasha at arm's length and looked at her more closely. Instead of asking what was wrong, though, she simply sighed with a half-smile. "Whatever it is that's wrong, I will listen when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Then go bring your stuff upstairs and greet your godson. He's been looking forward to you since he knew you'd be coming."

"Yes, Ma'am." Natasha winked at her and shouldered her duffel to climb the stairs. An involuntary smile played her lips once she'd entered the room that had been hers since the very beginning. It was like coming home, even more so than her old SHIELD apartments or the Avengers compound. It surprised her time and time again how much a simple room could do in bringing peace. She placed the bag on top of the comforter and was just about to place her clothes in the little closet when unsure but stomping steps approached.

"Auntie Nat!" the toddler exclaimed happily and moved at a quick pace towards her.

Natasha dropped the clothes and bent down to pick Nathaniel up. "How's my favourite traitor, hm?"

Nathaniel giggled. "You silly."

"I'm silly? Well, you're the one having obviously drunk giggly water." She tickled him with one hand while holding him tight with the other arm.

The boy squeaked and laughed and squirmed and once the assassin finally quit on her assault, he laid his head on her shoulder. "Missed you. We play?"

"Sure thing little man. I'm here for a while the way it looks, so we have plenty of time."

The first days passed in a blur and Natasha grew considerably calmer. As Clint had prophesized, the children helped her with that, even if it was just by tiring her out by dragging her over the farm the whole day. Still, she tried to sleep as little as possible. Although her nightmares had lessened, they were still more forceful than usual. That way she was still up and reading by the soft glow of her bedside table when the thunder started. Her door was open just a crack, allowing the soft light to spill into the dark hallway. She'd made a habit of doing that whenever she stayed at the farm; that way she could be sure to hear when something was wrong with the kids.

By the time the second thunder shook the house, her door opened wider, allowing Nathaniel's face to appear. Immediately Natasha placed her book aside, smiled at the boy and moved her blanket a bit. "Need some company?"

Nathaniel nodded, held the ear of his favourite plush toy a little tighter and climbed with her help onto the bed only to snuggle close.

Natasha smiled softly, shut off the light and placed the blanket back over the both of them. "A thunderstorm is nothing to be afraid of," she explained softly, quietly. "It won't hurt you. Though I can understand if the sound scares you."

"You're not scared."

"Not of thunder, no. But of other things. Everyone's afraid of something, Nate." She held him a bit tighter, allowing him to seek the comfort he needed in her embrace and seeking it herself in the warmth of his living, breathing body.

The nightmares didn't stay away that night completely, but Natasha knew they were a part of her since childhood and would never really leave her. But she only woke when Nathaniel jumped on her bed, celebrating the soft rays of sunshine after the dark and terrorizing night.

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope you liked that one though it's not the happiest. Stay tuned for the next one and have a nice weekend!**


	91. Act Your Age (102)

**A/N Hello guys, I'm glad you liked the last chapter :) I hope this one isn't that bad, too, though it's a bit shorter.**

SswolfsS: Oh my god, I'm really sorry about that! I just shouldn't post something I've just written late at night. Thanks for pointing it out, once I've got around to edit, I definitely will! Hope you like your prompt ;)

MaRiA.Z.A: I'm happy you liked it, I just love the Bartons with Nat. Don't worry, the hint was pretty small. It's in the book Nat is reading ;)

Invader Johnny: Yes, and that light is a very sweet family which thakes her as she is.

DarylDixon'sLover: She hasn't got it easy, no.

Vivienne: Yes, I also liked her relationship with Nate... I think she's closest to him, somehow. I'm also curious for the ending of Infinity War 2 and I'm hoping for a happy ending, but I'm rather pessimistic, to be honest.

* * *

Title: Act Your Age (#102)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Bruce, Tony

Word count: ~1,127

* * *

Natasha's body turned into a flurry of kicks and punches, causing Steve to never cease in his alertness. She might not be able to break his bones but frankly, Steve didn't want to find out and her hits left already bruises. They didn't paint his body for a long time but they were painful all the same. Finally, with a series so fast even Steve's trained eye had problems to follow, she managed to swipe his legs out from under him and pin him to the mat with her body. "Gotcha!" she smirked triumphantly.

Steve huffed and rolled his eyes. "How do you _do_ that?"

"I could show you," Natasha answers with a shrug, "but it would take some years. Or maybe you're just too old to keep up with me, grandpa."

Steve huffed again. "That's rich, coming from you."

Natasha's eyes narrowed just a fraction. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Um… Nothing?" He gulped and while trying to endure Natasha's stare he could feel his cheek heating up.

"Steve." Somehow she was able to make his name sound like a warning. Or rather a promise of never ending pain, should he say something very stupid.

"Well…" Steve cleared his throat. "You're about thirty now, aren't you? Quite an age in your profession. Some might add you're passing into the ranks of the oldest field agents."

She considered him for another second or two, then it was her trademark smirk all over again; the one where Steve could never quite tell whether she wanted to fuck him or kill him. "That's not very nice to say of you. But not untrue, either. She slapped his shoulder for good measure and finally got off him. "You know, that deserves another round on the mats. Come on, soldier."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"You need _what_?"

"A blood sample," Bruce explained, playing nervously with his glasses. "That last mission involved that weird gas and I want to make sure that none of the team is affected in any way. Safety precautions."

"And what is the real reason?"

"Real reason?" Bruce repeated in a slightly higher pitch.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "That mission you're talking of was days ago. _If_ there had been effects, don't you think they would have shown by now? So, spill it, Bruce: what do you want my blood for?"

"Uhh…," Bruce stammered. "The, uh, annual health check?"

This time, Natasha almost smiled. "You're almost a liar worse than Steve and that's saying something." She turned around and left the lab, but not without stopping at the door. "Oh, and Bruce? Next time decide on a story beforehand and then follow it through. From someone who'd been on the run as long as you have been, I expected more." On her way to Clint's quarters she passed through the common kitchen where Tony sat on the island, drinking one of those green smoothies and reading something on his Stark Phone. "You're not dying again, are you?"

"Your concern is touching," Tony quipped. "Nah, Pepper thinks I should cut the caffeine but I haven't found something yet that tastes as good as coffee. And that decaffeinated shit won't find it's way into my tower." With a dramatic sigh, he put his glass away and turned to fully look at Natasha. "Care to share your secret?"

"Do you think of a secret in particular?" Natasha asked, crossed her arms and raised a curious eyebrow.

Tony gestured towards her body. "How do you do it? You look like you'd bathe in a fountain of youth daily and I know we don't have such a thing. Don't you get wrinkles? Or cellulite?"

Natasha's eyebrow raised even higher and conveyed less confusion and more… something dangerous. "What?"

"Well, you're not twenty anymore," Tony said matter-of-factly. "And for someone being in the spy-slash-assassin business for as long as you are, you haven't gotten that many scars. Or wrinkles, for that matter."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm genuinely curious."

Natasha scoffed. He either had a death wish or she wasn't as intimidating as before. "A certain lifestyle with less alcohol and coffee helps. Otherwise, it's just genetics and the occasional spa day. Any more questions you'd like to discuss?"

Tony gulped and busily drank his smoothie to do anything but meet Natasha's stare.

~#~#~#~#~#~

It was already late evening, when someone knocked on Natasha's door. With a sigh Natasha put her mug of tea down and padded barefooted over to open it. "Steve?"

"Yeah, uhm, hi… I'm not disturbing or anything, am I?"

"No, you're not. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sure, it's just… I feel like you should know. You remember the files you dumped after Washington? Well, uhm, Tony read yours. In fact, most of us did."

Dread formed an icy lump in her stomach but her face stayed carefully blank. "So?"

"We, uhm… We know about the Red Room. About what they did. And your birthday. It is November 22 but not in 1984 as we thought, but-"

"But in 1928. Yeah." Natasha managed a carefree smile. "Seems like you're not that much older than me, huh?"

"Why didn't you tell us, Nat? I mean… Not that it changes anything but… I thought you trusted us. Or me, at least, outside of Clint."

"I do. It's just… It's not something I _like_ talking about, you know? And it would just have raised questions. I mean, I'm healing quicker than the other normal humans on our team, but still not as quick as you. And how should I explain that I barely look a day over thirty while being way older without having been frozen for seventy years? I know I got a washed-down, perverted version of your serum but that's all I know about it. It was easier to just pretend to be younger."

"Did Clint know before? And Fury?"

"Yeah. Clint knows everything there is about me. And Fury did know, too. The stories that are told about the Black Widow cover a similar time span as the ones told about the Winter Soldier. He knew my reputation and suspected that I was not only human." Natasha shrugged with one shoulder and looked at Steve almost vulnerably. "I'm not sorry for not telling you. It was need to know information and so far it wasn't necessary to share. Though I'm surprised it took so long for any one of you to find out; those files are out there for some time now."

Steve smiled and shook his head a little. "It's okay. I'm sorry for looking into your file without talking to you beforehand. And, Nat?"

"Yeah?"

"Be sure there will be hell to pay for all your grandpa-jokes, _grandma_."

Natasha grinned, relief clearly visible on her face. "I would expect nothing less."


	92. Contort (065)

**A/N I'm truly sorry it took me so long, but there was a termpaper I had to finish, so any other projects had to wait. Do you realise this collection is already over two years old? That's quite some time we have spent together and I want to thank you for that. So please enjoy this oneshot that's definitely on the lighter side.**

DaylDixon'sLover: I think she went through worse stories than that

SswolfsS: I'm happy you liked the last one and I'm sorry it took me so long to update

MaRiA.Z.A: No, it's not linked to the ons with Ivan and Maria, but I'll put your request on my list :)

Invader Johnny: I don't think Steve is able to make spiteful jokes... it's rather good-natured payback for all those grandpa jokes.

Vivienne: Red Room sending another Black Widow to kill the Black Widow? I'm on it ;)

romionefluffer: Most of the times I'm not exactly a Brutasha shipper, though I can see the appeal in that. Sadly, I only have very little knowledge about the comics, but I'm thankful for any hints and tips

* * *

Title: Contort (#65)

Characters: Natasha, Loki, feat. Thor, Steve

Word count: ~1,668

* * *

„Do you think it wise, brother?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm sure your friends have not forgotten my part in the Chitauri invasion."

"Natasha wants to talk with you and she promised not to hurt you in any way," Thor objected and pulled him along towards the entrance of the Avenger's facility. "She is a warrior and I trust her word."

"She's a snake."

Thor smirked and shot his brother a look. "You are _still_ mad she found out what you were doing on the Helicarrier back then, aren't you?"

"I _told_ you not to mention that."

"Admit it, Loki, Natasha impressed you. Answering her questions is the least you can do."

Natasha was already waiting for them in one of the smaller living rooms. She wanted their conversation to be more private and to be honest she wanted to avoid Clint stumbling in on them. He did say it was okay for him, but Natasha rather not find out if that was true once he faced Loki. Besides, any willingness of the god to talk would probably evaporate should anyone disturb them. She herself was not afraid of the Trickster, not really at least. Yes, he could probably overpower her in any fight, but he had one weakness she could work with: curiosity.

It was one last glance towards her notes, then she could hear Thor's steps. For a man as big as him he sure knew how to walk quietly. Though that paled in comparison to how Loki moved. Near soundless. Only detectable through the slight shift in the air.

"Natasha! I hope you didn't wait long."

Natasha met him in a bear hug and smiled at him. Over their time and fights together, she really came to like the god. "No, don't worry. It's good to see you again, Thor. It's been a while."

"It has, yes. That's why we need to gather round a fire tonight and exchange stories."

"I'm in," Natasha answered, her smile only widening as she caught Loki rolling his eyes. "The boys are waiting for you in the lab. Something about Stormbreaker, I think."

Thor nodded. "Then I will leave you to it." He turned towards Loki before leaving. "I expect your best behavior, brother."

"Yes, yes, I understood you the first few times. Now, shoo." Loki sighed exasperatedly and gestured towards the arm chairs. "Shall we?" He waited until both of them were seated before he raised his voice anew. "I don't know why you intend to talk to me but if this is about your partner, Miss Romanoff, then- "

"Clint's old enough to fight his wars himself," Natasha cut his word. "I haven't quite forgiven you for that, but I know what you did in the fight against Thanos, so that's enough in my book. No, I wanted to talk with you about this." She placed a book in front of him and gently tapped the cover, her eyes never leaving him. He didn't exactly look a god in his immaculate black suit and longer, black hair. It was his eyes which gave the slightest hint: a piercing green, that showed his age.

Loki raised an eyebrow and leant back, a smile playing on his thin lips. "And why should I talk with you about the stories Midgardians made up about us?"

"How long did it take Thor to figure out you aren't his brother by blood?"

Anger flashed in Loki's eyes, but it was gone just as quickly. "I see. So, how did you plan this? You're asking questions and I'll humor you with stories?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"And pray tell, Miss Romanoff, why should I?"

"So, I'll tell Thor you behaved."

"Well played," he acknowledged with a smile and lounged in the arm chair. "Still does not explain why you don't interrogate Thor. He loves telling his tales."

"And that's the problem." Natasha leant back and returned the smile. "Thor is a warrior and would probably change the story to make him look better or to make it more exciting. You on the other hand… You seem to enjoy a good story."

"Loki's smile gained a predatory quality while he raised one eyebrow. "Is that flattery, Miss Romanoff?"

Natasha couldn't help the smirk playing on her lips. "Only if it helps. And please, call me Natasha."

"Fine. Ask away."

"Is it true Thor only got Mjolnir because of you?"

"Ah, starting with the juicy ones, isn't it?" Loki sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes. I initiated the competition between the dwarves and one of the pieces they forged was the hammer Thor came to be associated with. It was not my intention he got such a powerful weapon but well."

"And he and Lady Sif…?"

"Oh, no." Loki's smile was a combination of pity and malevolence. "Sif would have loved to, no doubt. But Thor was rather a… ladies' man, as you would put it. Dr. Foster was his only relationship after a long time of being single. Not that he, or the women for that matter, would have complained."

"Jealous?"

Loki took his time answering. "Not anymore, no. The funny thing with shadows is that most of the times one decides oneself to stand in it. A thing I only had to learn."

"What about the golden apples?"

"The Apples of Idun," Loki said with a nod, a far away look in his eyes. "I haven't tasted them in a long time. But yes, they exist. No, they do not grand us our eternal youth. Asgardians just age very slowly. To be honest, I do not even know how old Odin was when he died. Considering that Midgardians saw him as a god for a long time and it took him a few millennia until he visited Midgard for the first time… Well."

"It's still sometimes hard to wrap my head around that you are not gods, but aliens. Like Gamora or Groot or Drax." Natasha frowned. "Funny, isn't it? How it's so much easier to accept gods than aliens."

Loki shrugged, and his words were bar every malice when he answered. "For how long are you aware of life outside of Earth? Compared to for how long you worship gods – no matter the kind – it's even less time. I guess it's easier for your species to accept gods than aliens." He shrugged almost playfully and winked at her. "Besides, we kind of _are_ gods."

Natasha smiled and shook her head slightly at the man's cockiness. "How about we talk of the Mead of Poetry?"

"One of my favorite stories…"

~#~#~#~#~#~

Thor had been held off in the lab for most of the day, so when he finally went to collect Loki, he feared the worst. Not that he didn't trust his brother; they were finally beyond that. But he had always been quick to anger, and Natasha knew how to work people. It _was_ an explosive concoction. But, while nearing the room he had left them in, he heard laughter and amiable talk. Thor frowned and carefully opened the door. Loki and Natasha sad opposite each other, leaning towards each other while playing a round of chess and bantering back and forth. That was not what he had expected.

"Is it that late already, brother?" Loki asked without looking up and moved one of his pieces. "I would say that is a checkmate, Natasha."

"You would think so, yes," Natasha answered with a sigh, but a small smile tugged on the corner of her mouth. "If it weren't for my knight. Checkmate, Loki."

Loki nodded approvingly, took another minute to study the board, then he tipped over his king. "We have to repeat that."

"We definitely have." Only then did Natasha look up and wink at Thor. "You can bring your brother along more often when you have business with the boys."

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha was tired after they finally brought Sarah home. That was the only explanation why she hadn't seen it earlier. The baby laid in it's crib with Akela guarding the door, snoring softly. She herself had needed a shower to wash away the smell of hospital while Steve had taken care of a late dinner, thrown together of vegetables and rice. They really needed to buy some groceries tomorrow. She was towel drying her hair – with one ear listening for her daughter – when she noticed the package on the chest of drawers. It was wrapped in some brownish paper and tied with a green ribbon. A cream-colored card sat atop it. Curious, Natasha picked up the card and flipped it open.

 _Some stories you might not know yet. For both yourself and the little one, so that there are new matters to discuss at our next meeting._

 _L_

A warm, honest smile tugged on Natasha's lips as she discarded her towel and gently unwrapped the tie and the paper. Sure enough, it contained a leather-bound book which thick pages were filled with neat handwriting. The title was stamped on the cover in curvy silver letters: _The Untold Tales of Asgard_. Natasha traced the letters and looked around but of course there was no trace to be found. Who knew when he had put it there.

"When did you buy that one?" Steve asked softly as if not to disturb anyone, carrying two bowls and flatware.

Natasha turned around, the smile still on her lips. "I didn't. It's a gift." She put the book aside, took the card and traded it for one of the bowls.

Steve read it with a surprised frown. "L as in…?"

"I guess so." Natasha shrugged. "Seems like his way to congratulate."

"Yeah, it does." Steve nodded, a smile on his lips as well as he put the card back to the book. "Will you read it to Sarah?"

"Yes, once she's old enough to understand. Until then, I could read it to you if you want me to."

"I'd love it. I'm curious as to what stories he dug up."

"Yeah. Me too."

* * *

 **2\. A/N If you're interested in it, the book Natasha read and used as a kind of groundwork to talk to Loki is Neil Gaiman's "Norse Mythology". I only read it in German so far though I will buy it in English, too. I can only recommend it to everyone who likes a good story.**


	93. Homunculi (047)

**AN: Yeees, we might be a bit early for the next update But I had some free days and time to write a bit, so why not treat you to it? Don't get used to it, though, the next semester starts in a few weeks, so, yeah... Anyway, this is a bit on the angsty side and I'm sorry for that but I hope you enjoy nevertheless.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you

Vivienne: I'm not that familiar with the Egyptian one (ashes on my tomatoes) but I'm glad you liked the two of them together. And I think you already mentioned, but I'm not yet tired of hearing it :D The Black Widow fight story will appear next (probably) and I hope I'll do it justice

MaRiA.Z.A: I was a bit scared of pairing them together, but it came surprisingly easy to write. Funny you'd say that, because I had already written today's chapter and well... I had to change the ending a bit after your review. I'm curious what you think about it.

Invader Johnny: Thank you very much! Yeah, I haven't read a lot of stories with them interacting, but I enjoyed it very much

SswolsS: Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it.

* * *

Title: Homunculi (#47)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce

Word count: ~1,431

* * *

The snap had happened some hours ago but still Natasha felt like living in a bubble. She felt nothing, just numb. A shower that normally helped with this post mission situation had done nothing for her. The cold water continued to cascade down on her, but she had given up getting the grime out of her hair some time ago. While the total death count had to be estimated yet, of some they already knew. Wanda. Vision. Bucky. Sam. T'Challa. Fury and Hill didn't pick up their phones which probably meant they were gone as well. Natasha hated the thought that she hadn't talked with Fury in years. She was going to miss his grumpy demeanor; he had been a father figure to her after all.

Still people disappeared, and Natasha knew that she would only worry everyone by keeping to herself for a prolonged time but right now she couldn't care. All their fighting, all their sacrifices for nothing. Thanos had still won, half of the universe's population had ceased to exist and now the surviving ones were left to pick up the pieces.

"Natasha? Are you here? Nat?" The panic in his voice was clearly to be heard but Natasha couldn't care less. She couldn't even bring herself to answer.

Hasty steps heralded his approach, then he almost ripped the door away when he opened it. "Nat," he almost sighed, his voice weak by relief. Then he noticed the spray of cold water, betrayed by the lack of steam and her shivering frame. Quickly he took one of the ridiculously soft towels and pulled her gently out of the shower to wrap her in the fabric. "How long have you been standing there?" Bruce asked quietly, rubbing her arms to get her warm again.

Natasha managed the barest of shrugs. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

Bruce guided her back into the living room of her quarters and onto the sofa only to sit behind her and pull her flush against his body to share his body heat. "If you're getting sick because of that, you will never live it down, I swear it," he mumbled softly. "Have you eaten at all?"

"Not that I can remember." She relaxed against him, the small, active part of her brain relishing in the familiar feeling of having him close to her. It's been three years and still… "But I'm not hungry."

"I'd be feeling better if you'd eat something, though."

"How are the others? I bet Steve is beating himself up and-"

"They are fine… Or as fine as they can be right now. I'm more worried about you." Bruce refrained himself from leaning his head on her shoulder to be even closer to her and instead took up another, smaller towel to carefully dry her hair. "I know I'm not exactly in a position to ask and if you'd rather see… Steve or whoever, then I'll go get him, but… Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Did you know that I haven't spoken with Nick or Maria after Sokovia? My last words to Wanda were reproaching her for not checking in with us on time but the girl just wanted to spend time with the man she loved. I was on the run with Sam for two years and I never learned about his family aside from him having a sister. I don't think there is anything to make me feel better right now."

Bruce took his time answering and when he did, his voice betrayed his fear of even asking. "Did you hear of Clint?"

Natasha shook her head. "I haven't tried. I didn't… What if he didn't answer his phone? What if he did only to tell me that everyone else is dead? Laura, Lila, Cooper, little Nathaniel? I couldn't… I don't want to hear those news, Bruce. I know that the only thing to even slightly keep me going is _not_ knowing what has happened to my family."

"Shush, it's okay. It's okay." Bruce gently rocked her, wiping the few stray tears that escaped her eyes away. It should be awkward, holding his almost naked ex in his arms to comfort her. But it wasn't. Not in the situation they were in.

"What about you? Heard anything of Betty?"

Bruce eyebrows shot skywards; he hadn't expected her to inquire after Betty. "She's fine. Well, she herself is. Ross is gone but I'm not exactly crying a single tear for him. Though I'm sorry for Betty losing her father."

Natasha hummed and pulled her knees up against her chest, burrowing herself in Bruce's embrace. Right now, she was selfish enough to want to keep him for herself, whether or not there was something left to salvage from their relationship.

"I know you're not ready yet to call Clint, but… don't you think you should do it either way?" Bruce suggested carefully. "If his kids need their Auntie Nat because he or Laura aren't there anymore, then rather sooner than later, right?"

"It's the first time we failed so spectacularly," Natasha mused without any indication that she had heard him. It wasn't like her to evade. "Cooper will be disappointed. He thinks us infallible."

"He will understand. We're only human. Well, the most of us are, although we also have a few aliens within our ranks."

"Did you hear anything of Tony yet?" Natasha asked when Bruce fell silent again.

He heaved a deep sigh. "No, not yet. Only thing we know is that he entered one of those space ships. God knows where he ended up. But if there's someone to come back from space, it's Tony. He'll find a way."

Neither had the heart to imagine the unimaginable; that Tony might not return because he had ceased to exist, too. Natasha sighed. "I should call him, right?"

"Yes. Shall I give you some privacy? Or do you want me to stay?"

"Stay," Natasha answered before Bruce had even finished his question. "Please." She grabbed her phone lying on the coffee table and typed in the number she had memorized years ago.

The dial tone resounded repeatedly and when she was nearly ready to give up again, someone picked up. "Nat?"

"Clint." Natasha closed her eyes, not knowing yet whether she should be relieved or not that he picked up. "You're alive. What about Laura and the kids?"

"We're fine. We're all fine, I promise. God, I was so worried when I didn't hear anything of you. I couldn't get a hold on Fury or Hill and Steve's not answering his phone… I saw people turn to dust, Nat. To dust! What the hell is going on?"

"It's Thanos. He… We couldn't stop him. Fury and Hill are probably gone. Steve… We lost Bucky. He's not himself right now." Natasha closed her eyes and drew a ragged breath. "I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. I was afraid…"

"Yeah. Me, too," Clint answered softly. "Who else?"

"Sam, T'Challa, Vision. We don't know of Tony yet. And… And Wanda." Natasha hated telling Clint the news like that; she knew he'd practically adopted her after Pietro had saved his life. It was silent for some time on Clint's end, so that Natasha felt compelled to add: "She looked relieved after Vision's death. If that helps anything."

"Vision's death?"

"You missed a lot during your house arrest," Natasha couldn't help to tease but it didn't feel the same. "And it's really all of you? I mean…"

"I know, Nat. I promise, it's all of us right here. We were going to drive up to New York, but it's complete chaos on the streets."

"We're in Wakanda, not New York. I'll take a jet and pick you up. Hug Laura and the kids from me and tell them I miss you all. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Alright. Natasha? I'm glad you're alive. Try to stay that way, okay?"

"I'll do my best." Her gaze met Bruce and a slightly teary smile grazed her lips. "Hey… Okay if I'd bring company?"

If Clint was surprised by her question, he didn't let it on. "Sure. Call me, when you're in the air."

Natasha disconnected the call, relief turning her muscles to pudding.

"Everyone alright?" Bruce asked, nuzzling her hair.

"Yeah. All of them. I can't believe their luck." She turned around to look at him. There were still exhaustion and sadness on her face, but the news that Clint and his family were alive seemed to have given her new energy. "You're up for a trip?"

"Yes."

* * *

 **2\. AN: Well, what do you think? Originally Clint did answer the phone but everyone else was gone but since I'm pretty sure that's what happened in the movies, I couldn't do it and changed the ending. The next chapter will also be a bit angsty with some action thrown into it (oh my god...) BUT for the one after that I have some plans for a very light chapter. Anything else you'd liked to read, you know how it works ;)**


	94. Never Look Back (032)

**AN Welcome back, dear readers! I hope you had a nice week and an even nicer first half of the weekend. If not, then I hope this oneshot might help a bit. Maybe. It features Vivienne's prompt of a bit angsty Team Delta, so I'm curious what you think of it since I'm not that big at writing missions. In other unrelated news, I'll be participating in this year's NaNoWriMo, so better don't expect many updates for November...**

DarylDixon'sLover: Sadly, her life's not only cotton candy.

Invader Johnny: I think that really is the one thing keeping her going, that the Bartons (or at least the bigger part) are safe. I'M really afraid of and for a Natasha who learns that only Clint survided.

Vivienne: Here's your prompt :) Yeah, I saw the trailer, but I'm not sure yet what to think of it. I never heard of Captain Marvel before, so I don't really have a connection to her.

SswolfsS: You're very welcome, I know there's not that much Brutasha in this collection :) I haven't planned on a part 2 but I wouldn't rule it out, either... I guess we both have to wait and see ^^°

MaRiA.Z.A: You're welcome! I really couldn't keep the original ending, it was too sad. Thank you very much, I hope you'll like this one as well.

* * *

Title: Never Look Back (#32)

Characters: Natasha, Clint

Word count: ~1,462

* * *

It was one of those missions that consisted of two things: slimy men for her and endless waiting for Clint. They weren't her favorite missions but by far the easier ones. The only thing Natasha had to do was smile and let herself be touched by whoever needed to get moved out of their way just so she could make a back-up of whatever data Fury needed her to get.

"Can that man be any more obvious he needs to get laid? Holy moly."

Clint's commentary was clear in her ear, like every time. The challenge was to not directly react to him. Which, sadly, also involved rolling her eyes. Instead, Natasha ordered another martini, waiting for her mark to work up the nerve to come over to her. She had located his position and those of his bodyguards already half an hour ago.

"You're supposed to keep your eyes elsewhere," Natasha mumbled just before taking a sip. Seemed like she needed to take matters into her own hands if she ever wanted to go home tonight. With the elegance of a cat, Natasha slipped from the barstool and stalked over to her mark. He was clad in an expensive tuxedo, his dark hair slicked back and two bodyguards in his close proximity. And quite drunk already. Easy.

"Hello, beautiful," he greeted her with a leer Natasha knew all too well.

"Oh wow, that's _so_ smooth," Clint gasped with fake admiration. "Did that _ever_ work?"

"Hello yourself," she answered while simply ignoring her partner. Sooner or later she would tape his mouth closed before leaving him at his perch. "I know it's rude for the host to leave his own party early, but why don't we take it somewhere more private?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him and traced the line of buttons on his shirt with her fingertip.

The man gulped heavily but instantly a smirk grazed his face. "Sure thing, Sugar. Johnson, Weaver, stay here. Make sure no one disturbs us, understood?"

"But, Sir-"

"Have I not made myself clear enough, Johnson?"

"Yes, you did, Sir. As you wish."

The man turned back to Natasha and offered her his arm. "Shall we, Miss…?"

"Farrell. Mary Farrell," Natasha answered smoothly and accepted his arm. While he tried to impress her with stories of how he gained his wealth – all of them lies, as Natasha already knew he was involved in rather dubious business – she catalogued every door and window just in case that their intel was not as good as it was supposed to be. You could never be too careful and old habits die hard.

He led her to a big but ugly bedroom only to kiss her once they had the door closed behind them. Natasha wasn't too fond of that and gently pushed him back until he sat down. "Let me take care of you," she said with a smile that came as easy as breathing to her. While SHIELD didn't exactly encourage her method they didn't prohibit it, either. Results were results, after all. Though she knew that Clint hated having to listen to her doing what she did. Every time he would take her aside afterwards and ask with that sincere voice of his whether she was okay. His worry warmed her; it was not something she had experienced often growing up – aside from the Winter Soldier, maybe – so she felt a bit special every time he did it. And while she still didn't trust him fully, she always answered honestly when he asked, bar every sarcasm.

"He's down," Natasha said quietly once the man's unconscious body laid on the bed, his trousers half opened.

"Thank God, I thought he'd never stop talking." Clint's voice sounded slightly disgusted. "You see a computer somewhere?"

"Yeah, he has one in his bedroom. Do you have one in yours?"

"At home? No. We have an office for that. Though I guess as a dingy single man as him you need a computer in the bedroom for certain videos…"

"You're disgusting. But probably not wrong," Natasha answered while hacking her way into the files. "What do you-"

"Natalia Romanova. You became sloppy." Natasha turned around slowly. There, from a shadowy corner another shadow disengaged itself until Natasha could distinguish a young, blonde woman. "You got predictable, Romanova. It's a shame you're bearing the title of being Black Widow."

"Who's that?" Clint asked surprised, his voice bordering on frantic.

"Yelena Belova," Natasha acknowledged the woman and answered Clint's question at the same time, her head tilted slightly to the side. "Of course. Who else would they send if not the new Black Widow?"

"You always underestimated me, Romanova. But this will end tonight." With a sharp _twick_ Yelena extended the two batons she had kept hidden on her body and slowly moved towards Natasha.

"What's going on there, Natasha? Who the hell is that Belova?"

Natasha assumed a fighting stance, powering her Bites up. Now she would find out whether SHIELD's R&D department was good for anything. "You still think you could best me? After you could never do so in the Red Room? That's either a great trust in your abilities or astonishingly stupid. Knowing you, it's probably the latter." With a roar Yelena jumped at her, creating a flurry of hits with her batons. Natasha blocked most of them, making it seem effortless while feeling the bruises bloom from the hits she didn't manage to block. "What is your mission? To kill me or to bring me back in?"

"They don't need a traitorous asset! And they don't need a Black Widow that turned her back on the Motherland."

"So you _are_ still jealous. And I guess you have to bring me in alive," Natasha mused while distributing hits of her own. "Gotta disappoint you, they won't get me back. Only over my dead body."

Yelena smiled predatorily. "That can be arranged."

"Okay, Natasha, I understand you can't talk that much without giving me away, but what's going on? Who's that Belova woman? She doesn't work for our mark, does she?" Clint's voice sounded in her ear. While it was good to know she wasn't alone in this, his voice kept distracting her. Knowing well enough she had to face some repercussions later, she managed to get her earpiece out without Yelena noticing. Or at least she didn't show.

"How long did you think you could fake your death, Romanova? You must have known we would find you sooner or later. No one leaves the Motherland like that."

"And that's just why I left," Natasha retorted dryly and hit Yelena forcefully into the chest. "You can happily assume my old place, I don't care."

"You don't _deserve_ being called Black Widow!" Yelena kicked her hard and Natasha's head flung around just before she went to the ground. A sharp _snap_ witnessed the breaking of her wrist when one of the batons connected with it. "You will be remembered as a failure, nothing more!" The next hit met her left knee and Natasha couldn't hide the groan. After that, the hits only kept coming further, shortening the time in between and although Natasha had been trained to withstand any kind of torture, by then the only thing she could do was curl in on herself and let it happen.

And then the window exploded in a shatter of glass and the blink of an eye later Yelena fell to the floor, an arrow protruding from her head. "Natasha? Are you here? Nat-" Clint gasped audibly when he finally saw her. "For fuck's sake."

Natasha flinched as he touched her, and her vision was blurry so that it took a moment for her to recognize him. "Barton?"

"I'm here. I'll get you out of here. Can you stand?"

"The files…"

"I don't care for the files. We can get them some other time."

Natasha shook her head and regretted it instantly. "The flash drive… Download should be complete."

Clint looked at her in surprise and huffed. "You're unbelievable." He quickly collected the flash drive, then helped Natasha stand. "We'll have to take the window. You're up for that?"

"I trust you," Natasha said quietly, her breathing ragged, and surprised both Clint and herself.

Clint couldn't suppress the soft smile. "Good. Then let's get out of here. I'll phone Coulson for extraction once we are at the safehouse. That'll give us enough time for you to tell me who she was." He jutted his chin towards Yelena.

"I don't want to-"

"You took your comms out," Clint pointed out, his voice slightly harder than before. "I was worried, believe it or not. You owe me that much."

Natasha looked at him while she hobbled towards the window with his help. "You're right."

* * *

 **2\. A/N This is set still rather early in their relationship as you might have already guessed, but I figure Clint would be the type to dislike a young woman having to use seduction to get what they need, no matter whether they already are friends or not. What do you think of it? I hope the next one comes on time and it will be a funnier one. I do need some funny ones now.**


	95. Me Time (024)

**A/N Hey guys! Weekend's almost over but here's the next chapter. I really hope to be able to write enough in October so I can post some chapters in November, but I really don't wanna promise anything. Still, I hope that one's a bit on the funnier side before it gets serious again, so enjoy.**

DarylDixon'sLover: She'll survive.

Invader Johnny: Someone has to to the less glamorous jobs as well ;)

SswolfsS: Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed. I don't think I'll manage ten happy chapters, but I put your prompt on my list either way. I hope it meets your expectations :)

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you a lot. Yes, Nat can be glad to have Clint; she'd be pretty mucked up without him.

Vivienne: I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, though I had to google her name :D You're not imposing yourself. Plus, some happy prompts are direly needed, so I'll put it on my list, too ;)

* * *

Title: Me Time (#24)

Characters: Natasha, Pepper, Maria Hill, Wanda, Daisy Johnson

Word count: ~1,635

* * *

„We should do something like this more often," Pepper sighed and filled all the wineglasses anew. "Why aren't we doing this more often?"

"Because you are running a company _and_ babysitting Stark," Natasha explained, pointing at the CEO. Her finger wandered while she listed the different reasons. "Wanda has some things to catch up on training wise and she's constantly off with Vision though she should concentrate on working on her skills. Skye – sorry, Daisy – practically lives in a plane and gets yelled at by Phil. And Maria has to make sure no one bothers Fury enough he wants to make the agents disappear."

"Plus, I'm your and Barton's handler and we all know that's a full-time job. No wonder Coulson quit as soon as he could," Maria added, rolled her eyes and sipped on the wine.

Daisy shrugged and leant back comfortable. "AC doesn't yell at me. Most times. Only if I do something stupid." She was met with silence and raised eyebrows until she sighed exasperatedly. "Fine, okay, maybe that's more often than Fitz-Simmons or Ward but I'm positive I'm less trouble than the Horror Twins."

"Horror Twins?" Pepper echoed and sipped on her wine. "Who's that?"

"That's our name for Clint and Nat. The Dark Duo. Coulson's Strays. The Horror Twins." Maria shrugged. "You gotta cope somehow with the havoc those are creating constantly."

Natasha scoffed. "What do you mean, constantly? Yeah, okay, we blew up one car or the other but don't act as if no other agent fucks a mission up."

"I'll just say Budapest, Natasha."

"Oh, I heard of that one," Daisy chimed in and grabbed another handful of popcorn before she passed the bowl to Wanda. "But AC won't tell us the story, something about clearance level and not wanting to corrupt us. Whatever that means, I mean we saw him and May kiss, so…"

"What?" Natasha, Pepper and Maria looked at her in shock while Wanda's face showed only confusion. "You saw them kiss? When? And where?"

"Better question yet," Wanda spoke up and raised her hand. "Who's May? I know Coulson from stories, but I've never met him, either."

"Oh, you'd like him. And he'll love you. He has a thing for damsel in distresses, I think. Well, not a romantic thing. Rather a father-complex thing. You know what I mean?" Daisy scrunched up her nose. "That sounded weirder than I intended to."

"Back to the topic on hand," Pepper interrupted, leaning forwards. "I thought Phil was with that Cellist in Portland?"

"Had to keep up the ruse of him being dead," Natasha explained matter-of-factly without taking her gaze from Daisy. "She still doesn't know Nick resurrected him and after she moved on with some guy from her orchestra, Phil decided to not tell her."

Daisy shrugged, clearly uncomfortable under the Black Widow's scrutinizing stare. "Yeah, well, that was some months ago. And a few days ago I walked in AC's office 'cause I wanted to ask him something and then he was kissing May! I mean… the cold Cavalry who doesn't as much as smile and she _grinned_ at him like a lovesick teenager. It was more disturbing than the kiss itself."

"Who's May?" Pepper asked, trying to collect as much information as possible before she dealt with the kiss itself.

Maria leant back, deep in thought, and let the wine swirl in her glass. "Melinda May. She was a field agent, one of our best. Then Bahrain happened and she switched to the desk jockeys. When Coulson put together a team, he asked specifically for her, despite her reluctance to ever go back into the field. When Clint first brought Natasha with him, May was the only one to pose a challenge for her."

"I liked Melinda from day one," Natasha confessed with a soft shrug of one shoulder as if she felt the need to apologize for it. "She would sit with me in during lunch when Clint was away, never speaking much but she didn't need to. She was one of the few agents being nice to me. And yes, I had a hard time on the mats with her until I figured out her fighting pattern. Not easy, mind you. I don't know how many different styles of martial arts she's mastered but I never met one outside of the Red Room to mix them up like she did."

"Oh yeah." Maria grinned. "I remember the day she gave you a bloody lip. Hell, we all thought now it would be a fight to the death between the two of you."

Daisy laughed. "What happened? Since both of them are still alive."

"Nat laughed, wiped off the blood and complimented May on the hit. Then the went to get a coffee," Maria recounted.

Natasha shook her head. "Maria, if you tell the story, tell it right. It was iced coffee, not simply coffee."

Maria scoffed. "Of course. How could I ever mix that up?"

"I'm happy for Phil," Pepper chimed in, a soft smile playing on her lips." He deserves some peace."

"They'll muck it up soon enough." Daisy rolled her eyes and looked at Wanda when she continued. "Coulson's the sweetest guy ever, but he's _so_ clueless! And I'm not sure May _ever_ was in a relationship before. Like, ever."

"Well, what about you?" Natasha challenged with a smirk. "Have you ever been in a long-term relationship?"

Daisy reddened. "Well, yeah. I mean, of course. Miles, for example. We were a thing for a while. Until I joined SHIELD and he turned a bit criminal, but there are always difficulties, right?"

"And what's with you and that Ward guy you're thinking about?" Wanda asked with an innocent smile that wasn't nearly as innocent as it seemed.

"That… Ward has nothing to do with it. He's just a colleague from Coulson's team. And my S.O. He trains me."

"He's an asshole," Maria muttered clearly audible. "Highest score in intel assembling since Romanoff, alright. But no one wanted to work with him. And he'd rather wanted to work alone, too. So it's a bit surprising he's taking to playing with the team."

"Highest score since me? Have our standards dropped that low or what?" Natasha frowned at Maria. "I mean, least of the recruits are field material but I didn't know it was that bad."

"Well, if you keep the best ones for the Avengers," Maria answered and jutted a thumb in the general direction of Wanda, "then it's no wonder."

"I don't think I'm fit for being a SHIELD agent," Wanda said and shrugged, putting her glass on the table.

Daisy put up her hands. "Okay, how about we stop talking about work? Just for tonight. Please? I thought this was gonna be a girls' night."

"Daisy's right." Pepper sat up a bit straighter and turned to look at Natasha. "What's going on between you and Steve's friend, James?"

"Whoa, really?" Maria grinned. "You're crushing on the Winter Soldier? James Buchanan Barnes, ladies' man in the forties. Does he live up to the expectations?"

Daisy frowned and looked between the women with equal parts curiosity and confusion. "Wait, gimme a sec. Steve Roger's, _Captain America's_ , blood brother is living with you guys and he's _single_? No wonder Coulson didn't want me to come along when he visited last time. He's hot." Then she refocused on Natasha. "Wait, you're dating him? Why pull a guy like that off market?"

"I'm not _dating_ him," Natasha answered in her usually cool, clipped tone. "I'm responsible for bringing him up to date and see how much Winter Soldier is in the fighting style of James Barnes. That's all. If you want to get any juicy details on relationships, I'd turn to Pepper. She's fiancée of the infamous Tony Stark, after all."

"Yeah, and since it's Tony we have all the intel we never wanted," Maria deadpanned and shuddered theatrically.

Wanda kept the smile on her lips. "You're the only one to call him James. _Everyone_ else calls him Bucky. Or one nickname or other. And he's allowed to use your guns."

"Are we talking of her Makarovs?" Maria asked, her eyes wide. Then she turned to Natasha. "You almost _skinned_ me when I just wanted to take a look at them. Not even Barton's allowed to touch them. Like, ever."

"He knows how to handle them." Natasha shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you're more jealous when it comes to your weapons than Tony is with his inventions," Pepper explained. "We're not trying to pester you or anything. We're just a tad curious. I know you since you worked as my assistant and you _never_ talked about a man. Or that you went out with one."

"Neither then nor now do I have the time to date anyone." Natasha rolled her eyes. "Really, I'm just trying to integrate him into the team. Same I did with Wanda."

Wanda chuckled. "I hope you didn't do it the exactly same way with me, Nat. I see you two interact. I know your thoughts and feelings towards each other."

"It's unprofessional," Natasha interrupted. "And I told you to not use your powers against your teammates. If you can't drown it out, then try to ignore it. And I wouldn't have started it, but you leave me no other choice, Wanda. So, why don't you tell us what's going on between you and Vision, hm?" Natasha leant back with a satisfied little smile while the other women turned to Wanda to interrogate her. She knew they would come back to her and James any time, but the little break was well appreciated. As long as she didn't know herself what that _thing_ between them was, she was not willed to speak about it. Not yet.

* * *

 **2\. A/N So, what do you think? I hope you liked the little girls' night (I'm heading to mine, soon) and if you have any ideas you'd like to see, just tell me. I won't bite. Have a good start in the week!**


	96. Love (002)

**A/N Well, so much for regular updates, huh? I still hope you like this one as it is definitely on the fluffier side :)**

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! Yes, I'd like to see those two spending a day together

Invader Johnny: Hell yes she does :D

SswolfsS: I'm sorry the timeline messed with you. Problem is, I needed Wanda in that oneshot and I couldn't remember Skye's second love interest and well... You don't need to apologize for your rant, it's okay. I'm glad you liked the chapter either way :)

Vivienne: I'm happy you liked it. Here is your last prompt, by the way :)

romionefluffer: Sure you can request! I haven't written a break-up scene so far (not that I can think of, at least) but I'll put it on my list. Keep your eyes peeled for it :)

* * *

Title: Love (#2)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Steve, the other Avengers, Barton Family

Word count: ~ 1,685

* * *

Natasha frowned as she watched Tony, Clint and Steve huddled together in the kitchen. They were speaking in hushed voices and acting weird for some days now. She would have known already what they were up to (because, let's face it, they _were_ up to something) if it weren't for them distracting her all her the time. Sooner or later she would find out what they were up to. It probably was too late then to prevent any explosions or other catastrophes, but oh well.

"Good morning," she greeted finally and watched with slight satisfaction as the men jumped apart. Natasha rolled her eyes and went to get herself a cup of coffee. "You know, you acting all innocent is way more suspicious than everything else you could do. Just saying."

Before one of the three could muster a response, Bruce entered the kitchen to refill his tea. "Hey, um, Natasha? I'd need you in the lab if you have the time. I want to run some tests with your Bites, see if there's a way to balance the damage a bit."

Natasha shot the three at the table one last glance before turning to Bruce. "Sure, why not?" While leaving she noticed the relieved sighs from the others, raising an eyebrow. She never had a problem with secrecy – she was a spy and assassin, after all – but she had thought within the team they were past that. After all they went through, it didn't make any sense to act like that. Yes, she still had some secrets and she expected the others to have theirs, too. But it was a completely different thing to keep one of them out of the loop when it might affect all of them.

"Hey, Bruce? You're sure you need me _now_ to test the Bites? And wouldn't that rather be Tony's field of expertise?"

"Well," Bruce began, clearing his throat and cleaning his glasses with his shirt. A lot of tells for one man. She almost feels sorry for him. Almost. "Well, yeah, normally it would be Tony's field but I figured I should acquaintance myself with the tech a bit more. Just in case Tony is otherwise occupied, you know?"

"Uh huh." Natasha crossed her arms and leant at his table, watching him work on her Bites for a while before he gave them to her.

"I changed the voltage a bit. They were quite powerful already, but some more resilient thugs could just shrug them off. Though too powerful would cause new problems. So now you can switch between two modi. One is for incapacitating enemies, rendering then unconscious. The other is for taking them out, accepting the probability of them dying from it."

Natasha frowned at him. "Since when are you pro killing?" Still she accepted her weapons, noticing no real change.

Bruce shrugged at her, his face darkening. "I'm not. I'm all for asking questions first. Just sometimes that's not possible and I'd rather have you safe at the next raiding of a Hydra base than sorry that you're weapons don't have enough power to deal with the bigger guys."

"How do I switch?" Natasha asked, simply accepting his explanation. With a few movements she had them at her wrists where they felt as comfortably as ever.

"Muscle movement," Bruce said and carefully, almost like a feather, placed his hand on top of hers. "Move it like this," he said and moved her hand, "and they are set to the lower setting. Moving them like this," and again he moved her hand gently, "and they change to the higher setting. I figured doing it like that would be easier for you, buttons are easier to malfunction."

"What if I activate one of the settings by chance? Can I somehow see which setting is activated?"

"Yes. The colour of your Bites will change. On the lower setting it is the light blue you already know. On the higher setting it will change to white. But we can alter that if you don't like it."

"No, that's fine." Natasha flicked her wrists and brought them to life, alternating between the two settings Bruce had showed her. "I'm just glad it's not red."

Bruce chuckled. "Yeah, Tony originally wanted to do that but I could talk him out of it. Said that you'd probably test them on him once you found out."

"Probably." Natasha smiled at him, then her gaze turned more inquisitive. "Now tell me, Doc… What are the others discussing that I'm not supposed to hear?"

"Uhm, nothing?"

"Is that a question?"

"I, uhm, I think you should leave now… I have to do some… stuff. Yeah, stuff for Tony, you know? So, uhm, yeah, it would be good if you'd leave now."

Natasha's gaze hardened even more but she turned around quickly and all but stomped out of the lab. It hurt more than it should, them keeping secrets from her.

Between the labs and her own floor, she ran into Clint. However he did it, he always seemed to know when he needed to find her, from the first day onward. It was his special skill. "Hey, Nat. There's someone on the phone for you." He handed her his phone with a smile.

Knowing exactly who was on the other hand, Natasha accepted it with a smile, her anger blown away instantly. "Hey kiddo."

"Auntie Nat!" Lila's excited voice was clearly to be heard over the speaker. Since Clints introduced the team to his family, it was way easier to stay in contact with them. "Daddy says you'll come visit soon. Can we play in the fort, then?"

"Sure, sweetie. Does it still stand after the last storm? Or do we have to repair it?"

"It was a bit damaged, but Cooper says he repaired it. But maybe you should look at it to make sure he did it right."

"Hey!" Cooper's protest was in the background, but loud enough that Clint and Natasha shared a smile over it. "I'm not stupid!"

"Yes, you are," Lila yelled back.

Natasha shook her head. "That's not nice, Lila."

"But it's true! He destroyed the gift I have for you."

"I'm sure it still is nice, whatever you did for me, Lila. I'm looking forward to get it."

"Mommy and I will also make cupcakes. For your b-"

"Okay, that's enough, Lila," Clint interrupted her quickly, snatched the phone out of Natasha's hand and turned off the speaker. "Okay, sweetie, give me mommy for a moment? Yes, now, please. Thank you." He smiled apologetically at Natasha and started walking towards the elevators, talking in hushed voices now.

Natasha raised her eyebrows. What the heck was going on? Yes, Clint acting weird was nothing unusual but still, even for him this was a new level.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Nat? You in there?" Steve asked, his voice slightly raised so that she could hear him through her door.

Natasha chose not to answer. For days now all of them had acting weird, trying to keep something secret from her, and it had infuriated her more with every day that had passed. Some would say she was sulking, but Natasha didn't care. It was not normal for the team to be that way.

"I'm coming in now. You better be decent," Steve warned, his voice joking.

For a moment Natasha contemplated to take off her clothes just to irk him, but she had no nerve to tease him now. That alone was saying a lot. "What do you want, Rogers?"

Steve closed the door behind him when he heard her tone and frowned at her words. She only called him by his last name when she was angry or teasing and since nothing hinted at her teasing him… "What's wrong?"

"You ask that really? Like, honestly? Then you are dumber then I gave you credit for." Natasha took a deep breath and consciously crossed her arms, less she threw anything at him. "You weren't really talking to me those last few days and you expect me do think nothing of it? Really?"

Steve's gaze became somewhat relieved. "Yes, it might not have been the best way to do it… But I promise you it all adds up when you come out of here. I promise."

"If that's another plot to distract me, I swear to God-"

"It isn't. I swear, Natasha. Now, come on." He gently pulled her from the counter she had been standing at and out of her floor into the elevator. "You'll like it. But I need to cover your eyes."

"Is tat some kink of yours? If so, how does Sharon like that?"

"It's no kink. Now shut up."

"You know that the only reason you're allowed to do that is because I trust you, right?" Natasha felt compelled to ask when Steve pulled a blindfold out of his back pocket.

Steve smiled softly. "I know. And you should know that I feel honoured by it."

"Uh huh."

All instincts within her screamed at her to fight when she couldn't see anymore. The soft swaying of the elevator – normally nearly undetectable – seemed stronger than usual as did the buzzing of the machinery. Natasha nearly jumped when she felt Steve's hand at her lower back to guide her. According to the time they spent in the elevator and the turns they took, they had to be in the common area somewhere. She heard some shuffling and hushed voices but before she could ask any questions, Steve pulled the blindfold away. And there they were. All of the team members and the Bartons. Both of her families together under a banner that stated _Happy Birthday_ in big, childish letters. There was a cake, too, and a table that held the presents.

Touched, Natasha blinked the tears away that wanted to escape at the surprise. "I still hate it, when you act all secret," she stated with a pointed look at the team while opening her arms to greet Cooper and Lila properly.

"Noted," Clint allowed with a grin and moved in to kiss her temple. "Happy birthday, birthday girl."

* * *

 **2\. A/N Sorry again it took me longer to update. Sadly, I can't promise to better myself for at least till the end of November, but I'll do what I can. Thanks for bearing with me and still reading the stuff I write.**


	97. Break Away (006)

**A/N Aaaand its time for another oneshot. It's not exactly a fluffy one but I hope you like it nevertheless :) It's a prompt by romionefluffer. Next week I'm in London, so I probably won't be able to update, but I hope to see you guys again after that :)**

Invader Johnny: Possibly, though I imagine she's still pissed at the boys.

SswolfsS: I'm happy you liked it :) Right, Lincoln! I always forget that name...

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you a lot

MaRiA.Z.A: I'm glad you liked it :)

Vivienne: You're very welcome :)

* * *

Title: Beak Away (#6)

Characters: Natasha, Bruce

Word count: ~ 1,497

* * *

Thanos's snap had happened four days ago. There were some people they still didn't know whether they were alive or not. There were others they were sure were dead. And others still who were mercifully alive. The world was still reeling and it would be a long time until anything would ever be close to being okay again.

Natasha had had enough. She'd enough of being an Avenger, enough of fighting when it made no difference at all. There was only one thing left before she would retreat to Clint's farm for a while. About what would happen then, Natasha had no plan. But she couldn't stay here, at the Facility. Not anymore. Tony had still not returned from space; who knew if he ever would. Steve was not himself anymore; losing Bucky, Sam and Wanda like that had broken him. Thor was already gone again, trying to find his people and the racoon's friends chasing some childish hope that Loki was, despite everything, still alive.

Natasha entered the lab where Bruce had tried to find a way to contact Tony with Shuri's tech. The newly crowned queen obviously had no time to play anymore so he had taken over some of her stuff and brought it with him to the states. "Hey," Natasha greeted softly after watching him for a while; he was only ever truly at peace surrounded by science.

Bruce looked up from his monitor to meet her gaze. "Hey," he repeated her greeting back at her with a gently but tired smile. Then he looked at her more closely, questioningly. "You're leaving?"

It was eerie how well he had learned to read her in their time together. Or maybe she just had grown soft. Broken? "Yeah. But I wanted to talk with you first. About us," she tacked on when he obviously didn't understand immediately.

"Oh. Yeah, sure." He got up and wrung his hands nervously.

Natasha took a breath and made a point of not evading his gaze. He deserved her honesty, after all. No more deceiving. "I'm sorry I pushed you off that cliff and forced you to transition. I never wanted you to be a prisoner of the Big Guy."

"I know," Bruce reassured her quickly. "And I never wanted to leave you. Not like that, anyway."

"You didn't exactly have a saying in that back then." Natasha smiled sadly, prompting Bruce to hesitantly reach out for her. But she took one measured step back, evading his touch.

Bruce let his hand fall down again. "I… I know a lot has happened. For you more than for me. But… I'd like to pick this – _us_ – up where we left it. Ort start it all over. Your call."

"I don't think that's our path," Natasha objected quietly.

"Why not?" Again Bruce moved towards her but this time Natasha let it happen; she _had_ missed him. "Remember when we wanted to run with it? I'm still up for that. The world's a mess, more so now than ever before. I want to be with you, Nat. It had been your voice that brought me back on Sakaar. Let's run with this."

They were silent for a long time. Then, finally, Natasha spoke up, her voice huskier than usual. "What about your place here? About finding Tony? Helping people? Can you leave that behind just like that?"

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean…" Bruce trailed off but kept her hand in his, playing with her fingers. "No," he finally said with regret in his voice. "But maybe you don't have to leave. Not right now, at least. I'd like to know what you did during those past two years. How you experienced everything. Tony gave me the short version, before… well, before he left."

"It wouldn't be a nice story," Natasha shrugged it off. "And yes, I need to leave. There nothing keeping me here, anymore. The world doesn't need Avengers right now, there is no _team_ anymore; even less than before Thanos showed up. I need to stop trying to save everyone and to stop wiping my ledger. There's no sense anymore. Not really. There are people that are my family that need me right now more than the world as a whole ever could because their little world has been shattered. They need their Auntie Nat."

"No one's keeping you here anymore?" Bruce repeated, his voice sounding defeated. "Do you mean that?"

Natasha braced herself with a breath and slowly pulled her hand from his grasp. "Yes," she finally said, apology, regret, sadness and seriousness at equal parts in her voice. "As you said, Bruce, it's been two years. I've had time to make my peace with it. I was in denial, I cursed you, I cried for you. And I moved on. Because you weren't to be found and I' not the type of girl to orient my whole life towards a man who may or may not return. Not anymore, at least. I've grown up in that department, too."

"But _I_ didn't have the time," Bruce said, disappointment and the beginnings of anger fighting on his face. "For me, Sokovia was just a few weeks ago. At most. I know that this is nothing to hold against you, _I know_ , but… It's hard to swallow right now."

"I know. And I'm sorry for that. We're not on the same page in this relationship and I don't know if we ever were."

"What do you mean?"

Natasha shrugged and gifted him a sad smile. "The dead stay dead. For me more than for you. I don't think that thought has already changed with you. Not really, at least. I've came to accept that I'm not a monster. Or at least that the monster isn't the part that defines me. What about you and the Big Guy?"

"He cost me two years of my life and-"

"And he had his reasons," Natasha interrupted him. "I don't want to defend him leaving, really, I don't. But think, Bruce. Most people here hate him. Isn't it understandable he wanted to get away from that? To turn his back to the life where he is the big, green, angry monster no one likes and everybody fears? Can you really blame him?"

"You like him," Bruce answered rather weakly.

Natasha smiled at him. "Yes. And you, too. But not like that. Not anymore. I'm sorry, Bruce. I would offer you my friendship if it weren't so cliché but that's all I have to offer."

Bruce met her gaze silently for a longer time than Natasha anticipated. "Your friendship is more than I would ask," he finally said quietly and shrugged. "I guess this time we really missed our window."

"Yeah." Natasha felt a lump forming in her throat; it was weird seeing the end of their relationship now as final as it was although she had had two years to prepare herself for this day. She didn't dare imagine how Bruce must be feeling. "But please let me know if you hear something from Tony. Despite everything, I miss that guy, though I will deny I ever said that."

"You have that special hate-love going on from the beginning," Bruce joked but sighed the moment after. "Of course I'll let you know. After all, we're friends, right?"

"We are."

"Good." Bruce nodded. "And tell Clint I'm sorry for him and his family, will you? I know that doesn't mean much but if he ever needs help with whatever…"

"I'll let you know," Natasha promised. "I'm sorry I'm leaving you to this Facility but I can't stand being here any longer."

"I understand that. Believe me, I do." Silence hung between them for a few minutes, interrupted only by the beeping and whirring of the computers in the background. "Well, then… Take care of you. And don't be a stranger." He made the last part sound like a question.

Natasha shook her head. "I try not to. Goodbye, Bruce." She levitated herself on the tips of her toes and fleetingly kissed the stubble on his cheek before turning around to leave the lab. "Oh, and Bruce? Tell the Big Guy I have a bone to pick with him once he decides an appearance is in order."

She heard a soft chuckle behind him. "I know on who my money is. Goodbye, Natasha."

Natasha nodded then left the lab for good. She felt a weird mixture of ease and sadness now that she talked with Bruce. It felt good to have everything resolved but at the same time it was a goodbye to a good time and a door in the face to the future it might have been. But Natasha had changed. She wasn't the same woman anymore like the one who practiced the lullaby, who opened herself up in a tiny guestroom to a man she'd never thought she would trust that much. Now she had a duffel to pack and a plane to catch.

* * *

 **2\. A/N So, university did start again and as already said before, November will contain a lot of writing, so I'm not sure whether I can update a lot. But I hope that in December the latest things will go back to almost normal :)**


	98. Abuse (013)

**A/N I'M BAAAHAAAACK! And even with a new, shiny, quick computer, isn't that awesome? I'm even a week back early and yes, of course I brought you presents. Here's the newest oneshot and I hope the waiting was worth it. I know this was a request from someone but I honestly can't remember anymore, I'm sorry. But shoutout to you, I liked writing this one.**

DarylDixon'sLover: Yeah, sometimes I feel bad for putting her through that stuff. But that relationship really was over...

SswolfsS: It's funny, sometimes I can see that pairing, sometimes not. I guess it's a question of preference :) But I'm happy that you liked it.

MaRiA.Z.A: Yes, it is heartbreaking, isn't it? I'm glad you liked it :)

Invader Johnny: That's true, but I bet they are at least on terms that they would phone each other or write postcards.

romionefluffer: Thank you very much! It means a lot to me when the people requesting a story like it that much. I'm happy I could live up to the expectations :)

rashene: Yeah, I need to write another one about those two, they are too funny. I haven't thought of it yet, but I would love to try :)

The one who follows the star: Yes, it was forced, but I still would like to see them happy (and I don't really care whether with each other or different people...)

Guest: As you might (or might not ;) ) have seen at the last chapters, I said that I would be gone for November. But I'm back a bit sooner than expected, so here's your update.

* * *

Title: Abuse (#13)

Characters: Natasha, the Avengers (save Thor)

Word count: ~ 1,360

* * *

"Agent Romanoff, why don't we use your time waiting for Agent Barton to be cleared and take a look at your wounds as well?" one of the nurses asked now a bit more persistently. Maybe Natasha bleeding on her previous immaculate floor bothered her. The Avengers had come back to the Tower after a rather long and nasty mission to get themselves patched up and rest before they were facing Fury for a debrief. Steve was working on scheduling the meeting for the next day, arguing they all needed a good night's sleep before they were usable for anything, but so far Fury didn't want to hear anything of it. All of the members had complied to endure medical treatment sooner or later, even Clint; all but Natasha who refused steadfastly to let any of the nurses too near. Soot, grime and blood still matted her hair and painted a rather grim looking pattern on her skin and the catsuit she still wore.

"No," she therefore refused flatly, venom almost dripping from her voice. The nurse went away but not without huffing and muttering something about bull-headed assassins.

Clint rolled his eyes while another nurse cleaned the cuts that littered his face. "You _know_ they'll make Fury or Hill come down here to make you sit still, don't you?" he argued wearily. "So, why piss in their breakfast if it only gets you more paperwork?"

"Language," Steve said, whose wounds were almost healed again and who looked strangely domestic in SI issued sweats and shirt. "But yes, Clint is right. You should let someone look at your wounds. That one blast must have at least given you a bruised rib." He held his hands up in a pacifying gesture. "I know you can take care of those sufficiently yourself but you would make work a lot easier for everyone involved if you just followed protocol."

Natasha turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Are you honestly pulling your Captain Card on me?"

"You shouldn't have done that." Tony shook his head and stopped instantly when he got reminded why that isn't such a good idea with a concussion. "Really, Cap, you should _not_ have done that."

"What do you mean?"

"You just don't tell Natashalie over here what to do," Tony explained as if he were talking to an idiotic child. "Even I know that. Only Fury and Hill are allowed to. And Barton. Butr they are shagging either way. And Pepper." He frowned, then turned to Natasha. "Once Pep was running the show, did you assist her in more ways than one? Just asking."

Natasha pushed him nearly off the chair with her foot. "Insecure? Or just desperate?"

"Horny?" Clint supplied helpfully and grinned at Tony., who in turn glared at him. "None of your business, bird brain."

"Back to the topic at hand," Steve intervened with red cheeks. "Take a seat there, Romanoff, and let someone take care of your wounds. You owe me for that mission in Paris, remember?"

Natasha glared in his direction, but complied. "And you're wasting that on something like this? You really are in the wrong business, Cap." Slowly she pulled down the zipper of her suit, all the while maintaining eye contact to him.

Steve turned an even darker shade of red and Clint rolled his eyes again. "Leave the poor man alone, Nat."

The nurse finished him off with a last band-aid and then turned to Natasha. "You wanna shower first? I don't think you'd want that dirt in your wounds."

"Sure," Natasha sighed, accepted the sweats and moved to the other end of the room. Ten minutes later she re-emerged, the now clean, still wet hair clinging to her shoulders and her skin still slightly red from the hot water and the scrubbing. "You're still here? I thought you'd already gone to another dingy take-out place."

"You're not hungry?" Bruce asked, one eyebrow raised.

Natasha gave him one of her famous one-shouldered shrugs. "Starving." Without further comment she sat down again and let the nurse prod her. Normally she'd do it herself or let Clint help her; she couldn't count how often they patched each other up again. But since Steve insisted… Well, she would play by his rules one time only to repay him by their next sparring match. A smile flitted over her features. She couldn't wait for it.

"Holy shit!"

The exclamation, accompanied from several gasps, had her looking up. "What's wrong?" She looked down her body but couldn't detect anything that justified such a reaction. Yes, sure, there were bruises and cuts and one or two bullet wounds, but seriously?

"Natasha, what…?" Steve couldn't end that sentence and made a move as if he wanted to touch the skin on her back but then thought better of it. "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" She craned her neck to get a better look but was unable to see any serious wounds.

"He means your back," Bruce explained quietly, his hands shaking. He'd probably turn green if he hadn't been that exhausted.

"The scars," Clint said by way of explaining when she still didn't get it.

"Oh." Natasha shrugged as well as she was able to with a nurse fussing over her. "Never claimed to get out of a job unharmed, boys."

Bruce moved to take a closer look without invading her space, his finger tracing one of the finer, longer ones without actually touching her back. "There are some that look very old. And not like the ones from knife or bullet wounds."

Natasha sighed and laid her head back, closing her eyes. "You've read my file. You know where they come from."

"I didn't," Steve piped up, quiet, his voice serious.

"What?"

"Me neither." Bruce shrugged.

All of them looked at Tony, who folded his hands at the back of his head and leant back in his chair. "You know I googled you. Well, Fake You, but still. So I might have taken a peak but I've only read the first page. Boy scout's honour!"

Natasha stared at them exasperatedly. "You've _got_ to be kidding me! I mean, come on. You _know_ I've read all of your files so why not do it?"

"Because you obviously had something to hide," Steve explained, his voice eerily calm and reassuring, just as if he didn't want to scare her away. "Which is fine, by the way. But I guess we were all waiting for you getting ready to tell us. Because we're teammates. And friends."

Natasha felt Clint's hand squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. "I grew up in Russia," she finally said, focusing her attention on the feeling of Clint's hand. "The KGB had a program called the Red Room. Once it was used to train assets to be able to take down Captain America. After you vanished, the program wasn't shut down, however. We were twenty-four girls. Only I survived. I can't remember a life before; I don't think I had a childhood. Not the way you did, anyway. I spent mine learning how to kill and how to survive. How to seduce when I got older. How to retrieve information and how to fit in. How to create a persona. My mind was wiped multiple times when I didn't comply and I don't know which of my memories are forged and which are real. I learned to dance ballet and to use my body a s weapon; in every way possible." Natasha fell silent and shrugged, but it failed to transpire the usual confidence. "And then this idiot came around and helped me defecting." She looked up at him and managed a soft smile. "I'd be dead if Fury hadn't sent you after me. And if he'd sent someone else entirely." Clint only smiled and squeezed her shoulder in response and Natasha turned back to the rest of the team. "That's all you need to know for now. And that's all I'm ready to tell."

The room fell quiet. Finally, Tony cleared his throat. Okay, to clear the mushy air out of here… What the hell happened in Paris? I want _all_ the juicy details."

* * *

 **2\. A/N What do you think happened in Paris? (I honestly have no idea, it just came up and I... went with it?) I hope to be able to return to a more regular schedule, so fingers crossed! It's really good to be back. As always, if you want to tell me something or have a request, either leave a comment or send me a pm ;)**


	99. Come-hither (063)

**A/N Welcome back, folks! You all watched the trailer today? To be honest, I found it rather... meh. It wasn't really surprising, but it kinda fitted that it featured Tony so prominently, since today's oneshot is another fulfillment of a prompt, this time by rashene. Hope you like it!**

 **P.S: I just saw it and seriously, you guys are amazing. Since I started this story, there have now been over 100,000 views! REally, I don't know what to say aside from thank you all! You are the best readers one can wish for :***

Invader Johnny: Nah, I think it's rather really embarrassing for Steve and Nat forced him to do it... whatever "it" is.

DarylDixon'sLover: I think she'll get over it.

MaRiA.Z.A: Yeah, I think you're right about the trust-thing. It means a lot to Nat that they haven't read her file. Thank you very much :)

SswolfsS: Aaahhh, I'm sorry! But it was an awesome prompt and I'm glad you liked it :)

Vivienne: That's sadly a story for a different time. To be honest, I hadn't thought you guys would be so interested in Paris so I really haven't thought of anything yet. Maybe there will come another oneshot, but I'm not sure yet. I kinda have some hopes for the BLack Widow movie, but let's wait and see. And I'm happy to help :)

Guest: Yeah, sorry about that one. I don't know yet whether there will be a story about Paris.

* * *

Title: Come-hither (#63)

Characters: Natasha, Tony

Words: ~ 1,695

* * *

"Is there anything I can help you with, Mr. Stark?" Natasha asked and collected the files from his desk. She _swore_ she could feel his gaze on her backside all the time. A lesser woman might not have managed to supress a shudder. How did Potts manage to deal with him?

"No, no, that's all," Stark answered, looking at her over the brim of his sunglasses. "I see you tomorrow."

Natasha simply nodded, a false smile plastered on her lips. She would kill him sooner or later. Not after she'd killed Fury for signing her up on this, though. Yes, she was the best, but wouldn't the second best have sufficed? She just hoped Stark would soon find a solution for his poisonous problem. Otherwise she would take care of it herself.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Open mouthed, Natasha watched Stark fly the nuke into the hole in the sky, all the while keeping Loki's staff at the ready to close it. And put and end to the hordes of aliens that were pouring through it. If anyone asked her, she'd straight told them she never thought Stark to be capable to put his life in front of others like this. Of flying a nuke into space, knowing just well he might not return from it. Suddenly, Natasha found a new respect for him inside her. Had she been able to do, what he just did? Give her life for millions of people she didn't know?

Probably, yes. But she was trained to put the mission first and her life second. And although Clint had worked hard to make her believe she was worth something, there hadn't been any second thoughts about joining the fight against Loki's army.

"Close it." Rogers sounded like he didn't want to make that decision but someone had to. Still some part of Natasha refused to kill Stark that easily. Because closing the hole, the portal, would do just that. That is, if he wasn't already dead. She waited for as long as she dared, then she followed the Captain's orders. Some part of her felt bad about fantasizing about killing Stark back then as she watched the shrinking portal. They'd won. But to what price?

The gasps around her had her looking up again. A small figure was falling from the sky, no thrusters working to slow it down. With dread Natasha watched on, unable to look away. Then, suddenly, the Hulk jumped up to catch him. Feeling the suspension drain from her shoulders, she took the staff back inside. Time to make Loki pay.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"How are you?"

"People saw the Winter Soldier pulling Steve out of the river. He's bashed up pretty badly, but he's in hospital now and they are taking care of him. Sam's with him so he's not-"

"I meant, how are _you_?" Tony stressed, his voice sounding impatient over the phone. "Are you hurt?"

Natasha smiled softly. "I'm at my apartment, just out of the shower. I'm still pissed at Nick for his dead-not-dead-stunt but I'll talk to him later. Tired. Bringing down an organisation is hard work."

"Natasha." There was a warning in his voice. "I know when you try to change the topic. Are you hurt?"

For a moment Natasha was about to lie to him but she knew he'd see the scar sooner or later and then there'd be hell to pay. "I got shot," she allowed finally and closed her eyes when she heard Tony hiss. Softly, she added: "I got patched up already. I lost a bit of blood, but I'm good. But… I'd need a place to lay low until after the hearing."

"Tower's always open," Tony said. Neither pointed out that she asked for help. "And bring Capsicle and that Sam guy with you once they are allowed to travel."

"They'll have other things to do. Thank you, Tony."

He scoffed. "Don't mention it. Being a billionaire must have its perks."

"See you soon."

It was silent for a while on the other end of the line. "Be safe." Then he hung up.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Ross will be out to get you after your stunt."

"I know." She faced out of the window, refusing to look at the bruised and battered man next to her. He looked like he had aged ten years in only twenty-four hours.

Tony hit the glass pane with a fist. "You just _had_ to help them. Just once, Natasha. I ask you to put yourself first just once."

"I won't say I'm sorry," she responded, but it lacked the usual bite. "Cause I'm not. And you would have done the same thing."

"Of course." He sighed and leant against the glass, rubbing a hand over his face. "And still… Is there something you wouldn't do for Rogers?"

"He's part of the team. And a friend." Now she turned to face him, one eyebrow raised in a silent question. "I'd do the same things for you. No need to be jealous."

"Really? Cause to me it looks an awful lot like you just threw everything away and became a fugitive only because you helped him and his war buddy escape. Damn it, Natasha! We'd have found a solution!" Again, he hit the glass with his fist, his anger a palpable bubble around him.

"I'll be fine," Natasha promised. "You know that. Ross won't catch me that easily." They were silent for a few long moments. "I should leave. When you hear anything from Rhodey, tell him I said hi?"

"Sure." Tony sounded bitter, bitterer than she had ever heard him.

Natasha carefully leant over and kissed him on the cheek. "Be safe. I call you when I can."

Tony only nodded and looked out of the window. Only when her steps already sounded quite a distance away, he spoke up without turning. "Hey, Nat?" Her steps stopped, and a question hung in the air. "There's really no reason, right?"

Natasha hesitated then stepped closer again. Gently, her hand grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "I spent a lot of time with Steve, yes, especially during our time at SHIELD. And he grew on me. Like a brother would. Like Clint did. But Captain America really isn't my type of guy. He's not infuriating enough." She looked at him more closely and suddenly, her eyes softened. "It might seem like I chose him over you this time but I only did what I did because I thought it the right thing to do. I'm not your father, Tony."

He cracked a lopsided smile. "If you have to quote _Star Wars_ on me, then please do it right."

Natasha rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile spreading on her lips. "Do or do not. There is no try."

"That's sufficient," Tony mumbled and surprised both himself and Natasha when he pulled her close for a kiss. "Please stay. Ross can shove the Accords up his arse."

Natasha pulled back if only slightly, wistfully. "You know I can't. Your army of lawyers or no, but Ross is only looking for an excuse to skin me alive after sassing him one too many times. I'll be safe. And you won't do anything dumb. Once it's safe and I took care of everything, I'll come back."

"I'll hold you to that." He watched her leave, the sensation of her lips against his still fresh on his mind.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Natasha's phone vibrated with a text message as she had sat down for Dinner with her little runaway family. A smile crept on her lips. No matter how often she had to change her phone, he always managed to find out her new number.

 _Got a moment?_

"Excuse me," Natasha murmured, pushed her plate away and got up. While she walked back to the room she shared with Wanda, ignoring the questioning gazes of the others, she texted back: _For you? Always._

The phone rang softly and Natasha picked up immediately. "Never heard that from you when you were my PA," he said playfully by way of greeting.

Natasha chuckled. "That's because you were a huge pain in my ass and I was _this_ close to killing you."

"Talk about being romantic." Tony sighed but she could hear the smile in his voice. "The others treating you good today? Taking you out for dinner? Please tell me you got a cake."

"No, they…" Natasha shook her head and continued in a quieter voice. "I don't think they know what date it is. Frankly, had forgotten myself until you called."

Tony _hmpfed_. "That's kinda sad."

"It is what it is. It's that why you called?"

"Hey, I'm able to remember birthdays without anyone managing my calendar, thank you very much. Well, some of them. The more important ones, anyway. By the way, happy birthday, Nat. Though I won't sing."

Natasha smiled. "Thank you for calling."

"You're welcome." The sincerity in his voice had her almost choking up.

It was an amiable silence between the two of them for a while until Natasha spoke up again. "If this was your last birthday, what would you do?"

Tony took a minute or two to process what she had said. "This is not some sick way to tell me you're dying, right? Because if it is-"

"No!" Natasha cut him short. "I'm not dying. I promise. It's just… It feels like there is a storm coming. A big one."

Again, Tony was silent for a short while before he responded. "I'd do whatever I'd want. With whomever I'd want to," he finally said softly.

"You know I'd loved to. But we're not in the States and I can't just take a plane like that."

"Then we'll do whatever you want once you're back. Easy."

"I love you." Her voice was soft, the words barely to be heard, but it didn't matter. Not to them.

"Watch it, Romanoff, I might get the idea you have a heart." The playfulness was evident behind his words but it vanished with his next ones. "I love you, too. Stay safe."

"Don't do anything dumb. Or reckless. Or, you know, Tony-ish."

"When was that _ever_ the case?"

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope I portayed them kinda right. I wasn't really a fan of NatxTony but to be honest, I kinda liked writing this oneshot. What do you think? Do you have any further requests or prompts?**


	100. Solitude (099)

**A/N This, my lovelies, is the 100th oneshot in this collection. Honestly, two and a half years ago I thought I'd barely make it to 20 or something like that. I know it sounds mushy but I'm sure without you guys reading and commenting and giving me prompts I wouldn't have made it this far. Thank you very much, I appreciate it more than you think. Since Christmas is also drawing nearer, this oneshot is a bit Christmassy. It has bity of fluff and angst, like every good family gathering, yo I hope you enjoy it. And then let's move on to the last twenty, shall we?**

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! Yes, until the prompt I'd never dared writing them as a ship, but it works surprisingly good.

SswolfsS: Thank you! I mean, can you imagine the banter when they're alone? I like the idea of a second part, so keep your eyes peeled. I hope I manage to post it this year, since I've already managed to write the beginning.

Trinket97: Thank you a lot :)

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you.

rashene: I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, there wasn't much of Natasha in Infinity War and I sincerely hope that changes for A4.

Invader Johnny: Thank you very much! Playful affection is a good description of how I felt writing that oneshot.

Vivienne: Yes, I mean, I would have a crush on her, so I really can't blame Tony ;) THank you very much, I'm happy you liked that unexpected pairing. I'm all in for SpyTwinsFluff, let's see what I'll manage ;)

WeridWarrior: Thank you very much. Honestly, both comment and pm are fine, so whatever you prefer. I put your prompt on my list, but it will probably be next year (not that that's very far away anymore, right?)

* * *

Title: Solitude (#99)

Characters: Natasha, Bucky, fest. Romanogers family, Fury

Word count: ~2,021

* * *

„Mum? Do you think Grandpa Nick will be here in time?" Sarah asked from her place at the window from where she had watched the street outside.

Natasha came over to her and smiled softly. "He will do everything he can and I'm sure he'll make it. If not, we save something for him and uncle Bucky from dinner."

"But what if he misses Santa?" James looked at her, his eyes big with fear. "He won't get any presents."

Sarah scoffed. "Santa isn't real."

"He's too!"

"He's not."

"Kids, that's enough," Natasha ended the fight sternly. Sarah, go and help your dad. I'm sure he'll appreciate it." Sarah muttered something Natasha chose not to hear but made her way to the kitchen.

When she was gone, James climbed onto his mother's lap. "Santa _is_ real, isn't he? He's bringing presents to all the good kids."

Natasha mussed his hair. She'd wanted to cut it last week but both Steve and Bucky had protested. "Do _you_ believe he's real?"

"Of course."

"Then I'd say he is. Don't listen to your sister. Sometimes she seems to forget she's still a kid, too."

"But Sarah's already eight. That's very old." James pouted and looked down.

Natasha smiled at his childhood innocence. "In just a few years you'll be eight, too. And then it won't be as easy anymore to cuddle with you." She tickled him playfully and his joyous screeching sounded through the house. Conceiving Sarah had been a small miracle, but after losing a baby in the first trimester she hadn't ever expected to give birth to another child.

The ringing doorbell let her stop her assault and James sat up breathless and still giggling. Sarah came running from the kitchen to open the door. "Grandpa Nick!" she greeted SHIELD's former director and hugged him tightly.

Fury chuckled. "I'm happy to see you, too."

"I thought you won't make it for dinner."

"Oh, that's how little you trust in my abilities, huh?" Fury picked her up with a groan. "You're really getting too heavy for an old man like me."

Sarah laughed. "You're not old."

"Oh yes I am." He put her down and looked around until he found Natasha and James. "And what is with my other grandchild? You won't greet me?"

"He's still recovering," Natasha explained with a smirk and watched James running towards the man who came closest to being a father figure for her. "You brought Bucky with you?"

"Barnes is still at the car," Fury answered and picked up James to greet him properly. "What did your mum do to you to leave you all breathless?"

"She tickled me."

Fury grew very serious. "Oh, did she? Well, she _was_ my best agent, after all. Nobody could resist her and her methods."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, just teach them to be afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you," James said seriously. "You're my mummy."

"I know, James. Thank you." She kissed him on the cheek. "I'll go and see whether Bucky needs any help. Feel at home, Nick."

"You know I always do."

Natasha slipped on her coat and her boots and pulled the front door closed behind her. Her breath was visible in the cold air and she buried her nose in the collar of her coat. "Down the small driveway stood a car, lights on, with a person rummaging through the trunk. "Yasha?" she called softly. "You need help?"

"Ow!" Bucky bumped his head when her voice startled him. Rubbing over his head, he turned to look at her. "Nah, I'm good. Just trying to get everything together so I don't have to walk twice. Fury said he couldn't help because of his back." He rolled his eyes, showing clearly what he thought of that statement.

Natasha shook her head with a smile and walked closer to help him. "I'm glad you made it. We missed you. All of us."

"Why that?" Bucky groaned as he reached for a parcel at the far end of the trunk.

"You were last here for Steve's birthday," Natasha pointed out. "That was half a year ago. I haven't seen you since and neither have the kids."

"Really?" Bucky smiled triumphantly when he managed to move the parcel closer to him. "Well, I had a lot to do. And I'm glad to be able to help Coulson's team. Though he could cut it out on the fangirling, to be honest."

"Yasha…" Natasha sighed and grabbed a small present to put on the heap in front of her. "Look, I'm happy for you you found a task outside of our aging Avengers group but we'd like to see you more often than for holidays and birthdays. I don't expect you to be here every weekend but when Sarah was at James's age you practically watched her growing up. James on the other and knows you mostly from stories and pictures. You're his godfather and maybe it's selfish but I'd like him to have a bond with you. If anything were to happen to Steve and me, I don't want them to have to grow up with strangers."

Bucky was quiet. His hands were placed on the brink of the trunk and he let his head hung down. The metal hand shook as if he'd liked to grab the car harder but fought against this urge. His hair, Natasha noticed, was long enough again to hide his eyes from her. "I'm sorry. I…" He stopped.

Natasha looked at him, her eyebrows drawn together. "What's wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't want to dump this on you like that before dinner but rather talk with you in peace afterwards."

"No, it's… You're right."

"Then what?" Gently, carefully, as if dealing with a skittish horse she touched his shoulder. He flinched as if her touch had burned him. "Yasha…"

"Don't," he asked almost pleadingly. "Don't use that name." He looked up as in search for guidance and closed his eyes. Without meeting Natasha's questioning gaze, he explained: "It reminds me of old times when you call me Yasha. Of times when I was Yasha. Your Yasha." He chuckled humourlessly. "Who'd have thought I'd ever be jealous of the punk?"

"James…"

"No." Bucky shook his head, a sad smile tugging on his lips. "Don't ever apologize for being happy. You deserve it."

They stood beside each other in the cold, neither one moving. Then, quietly, Natasha spoke up again. "Why now?" she asked softly. "I want to understand. Steve and I are married for almost ten years now, Sarah is already eight… Up until James you were a constant part of our lives. You would watch Sarah when Steve and I needed time for us or were away on missions and you were enjoying it. Is it because James is named after you? I didn't think in a problem back then."

"You're rambling," he stopped her softly. "And neither did I." He sighed and fell silent again, deep in thought. "Once we were on a mission together in Moscow, pretending to be a couple. You were dancing at the Bolshoi. It felt good. We could exchange touches and kisses without anyone looking funny. And one night… I dreamt of you holding our son. It was a happy dream." Bucky didn't feel the burn of the tears until Natasha wrapped her arms around him and he sobbed into her hair, holding her tight. "It's one of the harder memories to remember."

Natasha let him grief the life they could have had for as long as he needed. Then, when he went quieter again, she asked: "Why didn't you say anything?"

He, shrugged, let go of her and rubbed a hand over his face. "You were happy. The punk was happy. And I thought it would pass."

"You're an idiot," Natasha said, affection in her voice. Bucky shrugged and returned to collecting the presents. Natasha stayed silent, mulling over a spontaneous idea. "If you're not feeling like it, you don't have to come inside. I'd cover for you."

"You would?" He looked at her in surprise. "It's Christmas. Steve has been planning this dinner for weeks. And the kids-"

"That's all true," Natasha allowed. "But I want _all_ of my family to be happy. You, too. And if it's hurting you to spend this day with us then I won't force it on you." Bucky was quiet, so long, that Natasha hesitantly laid her hand on his arm; this time, he let it happen. "Take the time you need. Just… don't be a stranger."

"I try not to," he promised quietly. Then he took a deep breath, took the remaining presents from the trunk and slammed it shut. "Let's get inside before you're getting frostbite."

Natasha smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Family, remember?"

"Yes."

They had barely reached the door when Fury opened it for them. "What took you so long?"

"Oh, you know," Natasha answered with a shrug. "Just talking between to former Russian spies, plotting world domination."

Bucky snorted. "As if you needed _anybody's_ help for _that_."

"Uncle Bucky!" Sarah came running towards them, grinning toothily. "I helped daddy make your favourite cookies, just for you."

Bucky couldn't help but smile, dumped the presents on an unsuspecting Fury and knelt down to be at eye-level with the girl only to pull her in a greeting embrace. "That's very nice of you, Sarah. Thank you."

"I helped," James spoke up timidly, hiding half behind Fury's leg.

"Really? That's awesome. Thank you, too, buddy." Bucky forced a smile on his face although he felt a sharp pang. Fuzzily he registered Natasha closing the door and herding Sarah and Fury into the living room. James looked so much like Natasha although he definitely inherited the hair from Steve. "You even remember me?"

James nodded shyly. "You played with me superheroes."

"Yeah. I did, right?" He smiled involuntarily.

"Did I do something wrong? You didn't come back."

Bucky lost the smile at the insecure look of the four-year-old. Definitely Steve. "No, you didn't. I just… I was really busy. Fighting bad guys and stuff."

"Will you come more often now?"

"James, buddy, let him come in first before you start your interrogation, okay?" Steve chided gently and pulled Bucky into a hug. "It's good to see you. Food needs a moment, come in and feel at home, okay?" He smiled at his childhood friend, then he was off again, directing Sarah at setting the table.

James looked after his father, then scuffed his foot at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Bucky kicked off his shoes and hung his coat, then surprised himself when he made a beckoning gesture and hoisted James on his hip. "I'll try to be there more often now, alright?"

James nodded, then looked at him more closely. "Are you sad?"

"Do I look sad?"

James nodded. "But it's Christmas! And Santa brought presents. For you, too."

"Did he now?" Bucky made his way with James to the living room, watching the rest of the family. He startled when James suddenly slung his little arms around his neck.

James, sensing his surprise, explained: "When I'm sad it helps when mummy or daddy are hugging me. Does it help you, too?"

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears and held the boy a bit tighter. "It helps a lot," he finally answered, his voice hoarse. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." James let go again and leant trusting against his shoulder.

Bucky smiled down at the boy. It would take a while until he could really let go of that dream. But it helped that James acted so much like Steve and that he wanted to see his friends happy. Natasha had changed, and he had, too. Instead of chasing a dream that could never be he decided he wanted to be as good an uncle as he could.

"Bucky? You alright?" Steve's careful voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"Hm?" He turned around and gifted his brother – 'cause that's what they were, _brothers_ – an honest albeit wobbly smile. "Yeah, I'm good. Really good."

* * *

 **2\. A/N At first I just wanted to write some Christmas fluff, but then Bucky appeared and well... I just ran with it. And I think once Bucky accepted that there's no going back to what they were in Russia, he'll be the best best friend / uncle / brother-in-law this family could wish for.**  
 **As always, tell me what you think if you have a minute to spare and don't hesitate to send in any prompts.**


	101. Poison (027)

**A/N Yes, I know it's way too early for an update, but writing this one just went very fast and I really wanted to share it with you. This propably means the next oneshot will take a while, but maybe I'll be able to post it on the weekend before Christmas. Because you asked for it, here is the second part to Come-Hither. I hope you like what I did.**

Invader Johnny: Thank you very much.

DarylDixon'sLover: I'd say he IS happy, just not the way he thought he'd be.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! Yes, I definitely wanted the chapter to end on a positive note, you know? I don't think I'll be able to finish all of those narratives (and most of them have their end in their way, I think) but revisiting is definitely an option. Just tell me whether you have any favourites, because to be honest, I don't know whether I'd be able to chose any.

SswolfsS: I like to think it has a rather happy ending although not for some shippers. I'm sorry. WinterWidow as a kind of apology? You're in.

Vivienne: Thank you! I'm still deciding on the scenario for the SpyTwins, but it will be coming.

Guest: Thank you very much

FluffyKatFan: Thank you very much! It's okay if you don't read all of them, that's very fine by me. If you have any wishes or prompts, just tell me ;)

* * *

Title: Poison (#27)

Characters: Natasha, Steve, Tony, feat. Sam, Wanda

Word count: ~ 1,526

* * *

A soft knock on the door had Natasha looking up from the phone she held still in her hands after talking to Tony. Steve stood in the doorframe, leaning against it. His slightly worried gaze was directed at her. "You alright?" he asked and nodded to the phone.

"Yeah, I'm good." It was easier than it should be, slipping back into the Natasha Steve knew and the team needed, leaving Tony's Natasha behind.

Steve cocked his head like a confused puppy, then shrugged. "Okay. It's just, uhm… usually when you talk to Clint you're not looking for privacy, so… We were concerned."

"That's because it wasn't Clint," Natasha answered curtly. She put the phone back into the pocket of her jeans and stood up.

"Oh." Steve looked even more confused and uncomfortable. "Who then? Fury? T'Challa?"

"If there had been any news on Barnes, T'Challa would have called you directly." For a moment she considered lying to him; it was none of his business who called her. He should trust her to tell him when there was something important he needed to know. But she also knew how stubborn he could be and trust was a two-way street, after all. "It was Tony."

"Tony?" First his eyebrows shot up, then his gaze changed to a more defensive look. It was almost funny. Almost. "Why should Tony call you? Did you tell him where we are? Did you-"

"Think hard, Rogers," Natasha cut in. "Because if you ask me next whether I've been in touch with Ross I _will_ make sure you will suffer for a long time."

"Then explain it. Please. _Tony's_ the reason you're on the run. _He_ was the one to throw Wanda, Sam and Clint into the Raft. Without his stupid Accords-"

"I stop you right there, okay?" Natasha was highly aware of Wanda and Sam standing behind Sam, having been attracted by the volume of their arguing. "He did what he had to do. He warned me so I could get away and help you break our guys out. And with the Accords… Tony did what he thought was right. Just like you when you took out a Hydra base against explicit orders, endangering the lives of the soldiers within. Just like you when you helped Barnes escape, putting his life and freedom about the others on your side. Do you honestly think I don't know what happened in Siberia? How you two almost killed him and left him there to die? And _still_ I joined you because I thought it the right thing to help you. Now I'm not so sure anymore."

"Natasha…" The hurt in Wanda's voice was evident, so Natasha almost felt glad when Steve took over again. "Since when? You and him, for how long has that been going on?"

"Excuse me?" Natasha raised an eyebrow.

Steve only crossed his arms, fixing her with his Captain-stare. "How long are you together? Cause I think you'd have never signed the Accords if it hadn't been for him."

"Are you saying I've been compromised?"

"Guys, please," Sam tried to save the situation. "Is that necessary?"

"I think it is," Natasha answered without taking her gaze from Steve. "Go on, Rogers. Say what you have to say."

"I'm saying your relationship to Tony affected your decision to sign, yes," Steve said, his voice firm.

Natasha scoffed. "The reason I told you back then still stands true. I wanted to have us one hand on the steering wheel. There was a time when you trusted me and my decisions, Steve."

"I trust Natasha Romanoff, the girl that grieved for her mentor and let me see behind the façade she put up for the rest of the world. I'm not so sure about Agent Romanoff, never were. And, frankly, I don't know whether I can tell those two apart anymore." Even Wanda and Sam held their breath after his words and Steve seemed only to realize what he had said after they had left his mouth. "I'm sorry, Nat, I-"

"No," Natasha cut in coldly. "I think you have made your point quite clear. If you don't trust me to not rat you out, there's no point for me in staying any longer. After all, I could track your every step for Ross to catch you at the right moment." Her voice sounded bitter towards the end. She grabbed her bag from the end of one of the beds and moved to get out of the room to collect her toiletries. Steve immediately moved to block her path, an apology clearly in his gaze and ready on his lips, but Natasha was having none of it. "Get out of my way. I swear, Rogers, if you touch me I'll break your arm."

Steve hesitated for a moment but the fire in her eyes let him step aside. Natasha rushed past him into the small bathroom to collect the few things that belonged to her. Then she moved to the living room where she stuffed a book into her bag. "Sam?" she called over her shoulder. She almost smiled at the haste with which the man complied.

"Yeah?"

Natasha gave him a thick envelope. "For the fake passports. Remember to pick them up in three days."

Sam nodded and took the money. "You know he didn't mean it like that, don't you? His nerves are just on edge and he's worried."

"I know," Natasha answered quietly. "But that's no reason for him to act like that. He needs to learn not to push people away."

"Like you?" Sam smiled crookedly. Seriously, what are we going to do without you?"

Natasha shrugged. "Stick to the plan. And don't get caught." She hugged him briefly. "You'll make do. And you have my phone number. If there is some kind of emergency, call me. I'll come and help. Okay?" She waited for Sam to nod, then she gifted him with a smile. "Take care of each other."

"We will," he affirmed, shoved his hands in his pockets and watched her saying good-bye to Wanda. Steve hovered in the hallway, just near enough to watch the scene but he made no move to stop Natasha. He knew better.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"I can't believe he said that," Tony almost growled and continued pacing. "By God, I never wanted to punch in his perfect teeth so badly."

"Calm down," Natasha said softly. "Yes, I found it less than flattering and was mad myself, but he's right to not trust me too much."

"That's bullshit and you know that." Tony whipped around and pointed at her. "You infiltrated my company and still I would trust you with my life. What _reason_ has he to distrust you?"

Natasha smiled involuntarily. "Some might say you'd be compromised." She pulled him back onto the sofa and put his drink back in his hands before she retook her own and curled up on the cushions. "He'll come around. He just needs how to behave when you're on the run with a group."

"Speaking of," Tony said and pulled her near until he could lay an arm around her. "How long do we have until you have to leave again?"

Natasha sighed and leant her head against his shoulder; she knew he'd ask sooner or later. "Before someone who could talk notices me."

Tony was silent for a while, playing with her blonde hair. When he spoke up again, his voice sounded suspiciously innocent. "Why don't you stay? Not as Natasha Romanoff, obviously, but Natalie Rushman?"

"People know I'm both of them after I leaked everything on the internet."

"What about a new name for the time being? Office talk has it Pepper is looking for a new PA and I know she would have loved to buy you away from Fury back then."

But Natasha shook her head and cuddled closer to him. "I can't bring you, Pepper or Stark Industries in danger like that. You know Ross would be having a field day if he learned you helped me hide. Again. You'd be the next one in the Raft."

"What a clusterfuck," Tony murmured and kissed her hair. "I'm sorry. For not realizing how dangerous the Accords could be. For not being able to really help you. And for Rogers being a first-class asshole."

"Well, you're not exactly to be faulted for the last one," Natasha answered and turned to be able to look at him. "And you do help me. You made sure Clint could get a deal and return to his family. And you give me a reason not to be reckless and to follow through with this mess because there is a life waiting for me when all this is over."

Tony blinked furiously and tightened his grip on her.

Natasha smiled, kissed him and leant back against him. "And I'll stay as long as I can without causing any problems."

"I'll cherish every moment of it," Tony answered, his voice still a bit choked up. "And when you need to leave I'm looking forward to our prolonged time together. And for you to get your red hair back."

"Yeah. Me, too."

* * *

 **2\. A/N I hope I didn't make Steve too asshole-ish but he strucks me as a kind of guy to just say things in the heat of an argument without thinking about them first. And don't worry, I'm sure Natasha is willing to help them again once Steve got his time to really mean the apology.**  
 **Next up is probably the WinterWidow-one asked for by SswolfsS since I'm still thinking of a nice scenario for SpyTwins. As for the other prompts, no I haven't forgotten you, it's just easier to write those I already have an idea for. So don't worry, yours will come.**


	102. Dreams (039)

**A/N Merry Christmas, dear readers! I hope it's not too stressful for you and you get to enjoy some quiet moments. We propably only see each other next year, so if I don't manage to update earlier, I wish you a good start onto 2019!**

 **This oneshot is a prompt by SswolfsS and somehow it felt right to link it to "Solitude". Enjoy!**

Vivienne: Thank you very much! To be honest, I see Steve rather in Hufflepuff but definitely no Gryffindor.

Inavader Johnny: Oh, he will. And yes, those two will enjoy their time together, that's for sure.

DarylDixon'sLover: That's alright with me.

MaRiA.Z.A: Thank you very much! I picked two of yoursuggestions, so there's still some surprise left for you :)

SswolfsS: You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it :)

Guest: I included it a bit in this chapter, since I liked the idea but wasn't too sure on how to depict it. I didn't want o do a retelling of what we see with Dorothy Underwood. I hope that's okay with you.

* * *

Title: Dreams (#39)

Characters: Natalia, Yasha

Word count: ~ 1,420

* * *

She stood in the spotlight on the stage, bowing gracefully and smiling into an audience she couldn't really see. Quite at the beginning Natalia had decided she liked this assignment best so far. She did love dancing and doing so for the Bolshoi was the dream of every dancing girl. Every normal girl, at least. Finally she left the stage and moved to her dressing room immediately. While she loved the Bolshoi, she couldn't wait to get home. Hastily she shed her clothes and wiped away most of the make-up. The hair she left in the tight bun atop her head to save time; she could change that later. With practiced movements she put on her everyday clothes, wrapped a soft scarf around her neck and put on a woollen hat. Fifteen minutes after entering her dressing room she was ready to leave it again.

"You were fantastic today, Natalia," the director said with a smile that made most women uneasy. "Rest up and I'll see you for practice on Monday."

"Sure thing, Sergej. Good night." She smiled at him with trained ease while imaginations of a very painful death of his flitted across her inner mind. One day, if she had the chance, she would like to kill him and make it painful and slow. Disgusting bastard.

Although all murderous fantasies vanished when she existed the grand building and _he_ was waiting for her, a small bouquet of flowers in his gloved hands. Her Soldier. Yasha. Natalia smiled involuntarily and ran down the stairs to greet him.

He caught her with a smirk and held her close to kiss her warmly. Laughter danced in his blue eyes. "I loved watching you dance today," he whispered. "It felt as if you were only dancing for me."

"I were," she answered and kissed him again. "And now I'm all yours. Well until Monday, at least."

Yasha gave her the small bouquet and linked their arms together; his flesh arm, she noticed. "Then let's make the best of it. How do you feel about mulled wine and chocolate fruits? After a nice dinner, of course."

Natalia sniffed at the flowers and leant against him while they walked. "You're spoiling me, but I'm not complaining." She let go of his arm and gave him the bouquet and her hat. "Hold that for a second, will you?" Then she reached up and opened the bun so that her hair fell in copper waves around her face. The Soldier gently placed the hat back on her head and she retook both the flowers and his arm. "Where are we eating?"

"I thought maybe we could revisit the one at the Red Square? You know, where they have Tschurtschchela?"

Natalia was quiet for a moment. "You need to work later, right?"

Yasha sighed almost soundlessly. "Our handlers get restless. They're waiting for results and I tried to explain that we needed to work delicately as to not draw attention to us, but they want nothing of it. We have two days before we need to return." His words were spoken quickly and quietly and just for the case that someone was listening in on their conversation, he used English.

Natalia scrunched up her nose but changed language as well. She had learned it long ago together with more languages a normal person would ever need, but she had never enjoyed learning it. When she met Yasha, however, his task was to continue her training in every aspect. He knew how to motivate her, to say the least. Plus, she found his slight accent endearing. Although she couldn't really place it, she thought it must be something American. Which fit into the stories people told of the Winter Soldier, of course. "We had more time together than we could hope for."

"Still not enough."

"With them looming over us? Never enough." She gently squeezed his arm and leant her head against him.

Yasha smiled sadly, loosened his arm out of her grip and slung it around her shoulders to pull her even closer. "I'm sorry you have to leave the Bolshoi soon. You seemed happy there."

"With all the backstabbing that's going on there and that slimy director?" Natalia answered, switching to French; two could play that game. "It's less lethal than the Red Room, that's for sure. But no less dangerous. Really, they are all in the hunt for the lead role or, in the case of the male dancers, stage workers and others, for a private show. If you know what I mean."

He growled involuntarily. "Let them try. Though I'm sure you'd already dispose of their bodies before I even know about them approaching you."

Natalia smiled proudly. "You bet." Then her voice turned softer, sultrier. "Besides… You'd be the only one getting a private show."

"Afterwards," Yasha promised, kissing her hair. It was silent between the two of them as they continued walking to their destination. Finally, he spoke up again, this time using Hungarian: "Who do you want to be?" It was a game that once before had been part of her training to embody a persona with every fibre of her being. Only now he didn't tell her anymore who to be but asked her.

"A girl that likes to dance," Natalia answered, just as quietly and falling into the familiar patterns of the new language. "Who doesn't fear tomorrow. Who is allowed to make mistakes. Who can do whatever she wants to do and with whom she wants to."

Yasha nodded once, solemnly and kissed her hair. "Then be that girl. If only for today."

"Who do you want to be?"

"A free man. One with friends and a job that won't cost his life eventually. Who has his memories, his _own_ memories, and a past. Wo lives with the woman he loves and doesn't need to fear for her live or to be send out to kill her one day. Maybe children."

Natalia smiled a sad smile. "Sounds like a good life."

Again, he bent his head and kissed her hair, pulling her just a bit closer as if he could shield her from the world by doing that. "One day, Natalia. I promise. I don't know how or when but you won't be leading this life forever."

"It's okay." She slung one arm around his middle. "We both know this will be my life until I become sloppy and get myself killed. You know what Madame B. uses to say: there is no place in the world for me."

Yasha stopped abruptly, turned towards her and gently took her face between his hands to force her to look at him. In his eyes burned a fire she hadn't seen often. "Don't say that. Don't _believe_ that. You have a place outside of being a tool for people who don't care about you as a person. You only need to find it."

Natalia returned his gaze, then, slowly, lifted herself onto her tiptoes to kiss her soldier. "I think I've already found it."

"Don't be too sure, doll."

"I told you once, I'm not a doll," Natalia said, allowing him to see her irritation and returned to her normal height. "I'm more than a pretty thing to look at and I'm not easily broken. I'm made of marvel, not porcelain."

Yasha smiled sadly. He often found himself wishing he could erase the thoughts and mantras planted in her mind as easily as he took a life. "It's a term of endearment, nothing more. I think I just it in my past life. You know I'd be the last one to belittle you."

"At least as long as you remember me." It wasn't meant to hurt but still she could see the pain in his eyes if not on his face. "I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault."

"So far I always remembered you eventually," he reminded her softly. "And I'll do my best to do it again next time we meet."

"That's all I can ask." Still, sometimes she wondered whether _this_ – her feelings towards Yasha, the warmth in his eyes, the promises they made each other – was just another fabrication of the Red Room. Especially during the times he did not remember her.

Her Soldier smiled and tucked her back under his arm. "Let's live our little dream as long as we can, yes?"

"Yes," Natalia breathed and pressed against him as he opened the door to the restaurant. She would wake all too soon, she knew.

* * *

 **2\. A/N We all know their story doesn't really have a happy end (at least not in this AU) but I hope you like it nevertheless.**


	103. Ferocious (118)

**A/N Happy new year, best readers of the world! I hope it started good for you, if not, here's a slightly belated new chapter. Enjoy! It's based on a prompt by MaRiA.Z.A and lets us have some mommy spider again.**

MaRiA.Z.A: I'm happy you liked it. This one is by the way one of the prompts you gave me ;)

Invader Johnny: Not in this universe, sadly no. But fingers are still crossed for those two

SswolfsS: I'd be rooting for cuteness in that case, but thank you :) And thanks for the review number 400!

DarylDixon'sLover: Thank you very much

Vivienne: Thank you, to you too! I couldn't really help the sadness in that case.

WeirdWarrior: Thank you, I added that to my list

* * *

Title: Ferocious (#118)

Characters: Family Rogers, Sarah's family

Word count: ~ 1,562

* * *

Natasha sat amidst the other parents in a hall of SHIELD's Academy of Operations. Steve was to her right, holding her hand firmly, while James sat to her left, observing everything with big eyes. While she felt insanely proud, it was also the worst day of her life.

"And now, former director Nicholas Fury will give every graduate their badge and welcome them into the ranks of our agents," the woman on stage announced cheerfully and stepped aside.

With dread, Natasha watched as the line at the side of the stage slowly moved forward and all those young people received their honours from her old boss. Maybe a fire would break out in time before they reached the letter R. Where was Loki when you needed an alien with a god complex to take over earth? No catastrophe was happening though and so she could only watch as Nick gave Sarah her badge with a solemn smile.

"She will be fine," Steve muttered and let his thumb draw soothing circles on the back of her hand. "They made sure to teach her everything she might need. Sarah will be fine and able to do what she wants. What she believes she has to do."

Natasha could only nod. She knew that Clint went through something similar a few years ago when Nathaniel graduated from Communications and a small part of her wished that Sarah had chosen the same branch. Anything to keep her out of the line of fire for the most time. Of course she was proud her daughter had chosen to help people, to fight for those who couldn't fight for themselves but the motherly part of her – the one that wanted to keep Sarah safe no matter the cost – was close to exploding. She leant towards James and muttered: "I swear, if you make me go through the same some time in the future, I will disinherit you."

James grinned one-sidedly but kept looking ahead. "Don't worry, Mum, I'll start art school after summer as planned. No chance I'll join SHIELD. Or another organization of that kind."

People shushed them but Natasha didn't care. "You'll help people in your own way. I saw your paintings, James; they are touching," she answered with a smile and squeezed his hand. "And I'm just as proud of you as I am of your sister."

"Thanks." James's voice was quiet and he returned the squeeze. Sometimes he felt weak and like a coward because he chose not to follow his parents and his older sister on their path. Both Natasha and Steve had told him multiple times they would support him no matter what he wanted to do with his life but moments like Sarah's graduation had him doubting his plans for his future.

Finally, the ceremony was over and the graduates left the stage to meet their families. Steve hugged Sarah tightly to his broad chest. "I'm so proud of you," he said and kissed her hair. "Told you those exams would be a piece of cake for you."

"Thanks for training with me, Dad." Sarah grinned up at him, smiling like any other young, carefree woman.

"You're welcome." Steve hugged her again, then stepped back so Natasha could have her turn.

Natasha hugged her even tighter, painfully aware of the fact that Sarah was now taller than herself. Her little girl didn't need her anymore to protect her from the bad guys. "I'm also very proud of you," she whispered, her voice choked. "But I will still kill you if you do something reckless."

"I count on that." Sarah smiled warmly at her. "I'll be careful, Mum, I promise. Grandpa made me promise the same. And you know I work good with Daisy and the team."  
"I know." Natasha nodded and held Sarah away at arm's length to look at her sternly. "Just please stay safe. I bet that's also in Nate's interest. He'll come to the dinner?"

"He wanted to but he had to run an op so he wasn't sure he'd make it." Sadness tinged her voice.

Natasha felt prompted to hug her daughter again, swaying softly, comfortingly. "I bet he does everything he can to make it. And if he can't come, you two simply celebrate in your flat afterwards or we'll make another celebrating dinner at home. Okay?"

"Okay."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"What's wrong?"

Steve almost let the sketchbook fall. "Huh?"

"You're acting weird," Natasha explained and set down the gun she had been cleaning. She hadn't used one in years but she liked to keep them ready. Better safe than sorry. "For a few days now. So what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Steve." It was a sigh as well as a warning.

Steve, too, sighed, carding his fingers through his hair. "Sarah went radio silent during her last mission. Unexpectedly. But Daisy is already doing everything she can to find out what happened."

The gun fell with a clatter to the ground. " _What_?"

"Look, Nat-"

"For how long is my daughter missing?"

Steve sighed. "Three days. Daisy immediately called me and-"

"And _when_ were you going to tell me? Why did she only call you?"

"When I knew more. Look, Nat, I understand you're mad at me, really. But like it or not, you're no longer in the shape to take a jet and take out a Hydra base all by yourself. Sarah's done that job for a while now, she will be fine." Steve moved carefully towards her, deeply aware of both the gun on the floor and the fine wrinkles in Natasha's face. He hadn't wanted to break it to her like that. She was by now way beyond the age of active field duty, only stepping in as an advisor every now and then, but she wasn't frail by any means. The weaker version of his serum still kept her healthy.

"What about Nate and Claire?" Her tone was flat as she battled to keep her emotions locked up.

Steve sat down beside her on the sofa, ready to offer comfort or a target for her wrath. Whatever she needed. "They know. They're holding up."

"James?"

"Not yet. He shouldn't have to worry before we knew more. I'm sorry I kept this from you but I was afraid you were doing something stupid. Like stealing one of Tony's old suits and try to find her yourself."

"And why not? She's our daughter, I can't-"

"But you have to," he interrupted gently. "I hate it as much as you do. But you're no longer on the active roster. You'd only get yourself killed, a live of espionage and training or not."

Tears shone in her eyes. "Then why are you still here?" Although age too showed on his face slowly, he still went into the field when Captain America was needed. It wasn't nearly as often anymore since there were enough younger heroes and agents to keep the world a safe place.

"Because Daisy doesn't know yet where to send me," Steve answered and opened his arms when Natasha searched for his warmth. "I swear, once she has a location, I'm on my way. I'll bring her back home."

"Next time, please don't keep it a secret from me for that long. It's my job to worry about our kids. I want to know what's going on if it's that serious."

"I promise," Steve muttered and held her tight, gently rocking her.

~#~#~#~#~#~

"We were able to catch some of the Hydra agents that caught Sarah," Daisy explained, her face unusually serious. "We now need to find out what they hoped to learn by… interrogating her. Sarah's in the medical wing and currently being taking care of as we speak. According to the doctors, she will make a full recovery."

"Thank you," Nathaniel breathed relieved. "When can I get to her?"

Daisy shrugged. "Once they have finished patching her up." Her gaze softened. "As soon as I hear something, I'll let you know."

Nathaniel nodded and clasped Steve's shoulder. "Thanks for getting her back. I'd never thought I'd curse Communications that much."

"You're most welcome." Steve smiled at his son-in-law, still dressed in his old uniform. Then he looked at Daisy. "If I can do anything to help, just tell me."

"Make sure Natasha doesn't get near them before we could interrogate them. I'm afraid there won't be that much left once she's through with them."

Steve nodded solemnly. "She's watching Claire right now but I'll make sure she's occupied later. I'll buy you as much time as possible."

"That's all I can ask. Okay, team, let's try to get some intel out of them."

Outside of the debriefing room sat a seven year old girl and played on a Gameboy. Her dark, slightly reddish hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she swung her legs, oblivious to the world.

"Claire?" Nathaniel asked surprised? "What are you doing here?"

"Grandma said she had something really important to do," Claire answered and looked up. "She said it's about Mum and that I should wait here for you to come out."

Steve, Nathaniel and Daisy exchanged one look, then the latter hastened downstairs, bellowing orders into her phone. With just a tiny bit of luck, the Hydra agents might still be alive. But with Natasha on a course set for revenge, the changes were rather slim to non-existent.


End file.
